T1E12: “Double Date”

RORY

Mom!

RORY

Wow, you went new-cd crazy! [dumping a bag full of cd’s on the coffee table]

LANE

They just had an amazing selection today.

RORY

The best of Blondie...Kraftwerk...Young Marble Giants...Yoko Ono - really?

LANE

A very misunderstood artist and the Beattles would’ve broken up anyways.

RORY

Have you shared this theory with anyone?

LANE

I know it, Yoko knows it, Sean knows it. Julian’s still in denial but what can you do?

RORY

Ok, I must listen to anyone named Claudine Longet [puts cd in player]

LANE

Rory...

RORY

Yes Lane?

LANE

I have a favor to ask you.

RORY

Uh huh?

LANE

Well you know Dean?

RORY

My boyfriend?

LANE

Yes.

RORY

Yes I do.

LANE

Ok...well remember I was telling you about his friend Todd?

RORY

Todd. Yes.

LANE

Have you met him?

RORY

No.

LANE

Well he’s cool.

RORY

Good.

LANE

Really cool.

RORY

Good again.

LANE

Really, really cool.

RORY

Good still holds.

LANE

So cool in fact that it brings me to the next question [Lorelai comes into living room]

LORELAI

Hey. I’m studying in there...

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

Yeah. I have like 6,000 pages of case studies to memorize and this whole big test on the Wal-Mart phenomena coming up on Friday and because I have a life and a job and business school’s not the only thing I have to concentrate on I’m behind, and I’ll probably fail and then that little 18 year old annoying knat who sits behind me will get another ‘A’ and make that ‘ I’m smart you’re dumb’ fact to me for the rest of the week and I’ll be very upset and will possibly cry.

RORY

The music’s too loud.

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

Got it.

LORELAI

Thank you [Lorelai turns and goes back into the kitchen as Rory turns down the volume.]

LANE

So anyhow, I was wondering if you could talk to Dean about maybe talking to Todd about me.

RORY

I guess.

LANE

And then maybe you could ask Dean to ask him out - for me.

RORY

Good, cause I don’t think Dean would want to go out with Todd. Might screw up their friendship.

LANE

And then I was thinking that this date could maybe happen this weekend.

RORY

Huh.

LANE

Sunday preferably.

RORY

Well -

LANE

After church.

RORY

Lane -

LANE

But don’t mention church.

RORY

Ok, hold on a sec -

LANE

Unless he’s into church.

LORELAI

Hey, uh, now it’s too quiet.

RORY

I’ll turn it up.

LORELAI

Thank you [starts to leave]

RORY

Ok.

LANE

So what do you think?

LORELAI

[turning back] Who the hell is that anyways?

RORY

Claudine Longet.

LORELAI

The chick who shot the skier?

RORY

Uh, sure, why not.

LORELAI

Wow - renaissance woman [turns and leaves]

RORY

[to Lane] You want me to set you up with Todd?

LANE

Yes and I was thinking that you and Dean could come out with us so that it’s not that big of a deal.

RORY

Oh.

LANE

You don’t want to do it?

RORY

No I -

LANE

That’s ok, I understand - no big deal. Hey Grand Daddy new album used - I love a bargain.

RORY

I just really don’t know this Todd guy.

LANE

I do.

RORY

You’ve met him twice

LANE

But the 3rd time’s a charm

RORY

How do you know this guy’s right for you?

LANE

I know, I’m telling you. We’re talking soul mate here.

RORY

The last time you met you soul mate, you ran your fingers through his hair and ended up hiding at my house for the evening.

LANE

Well I still have my key.

RORY

Lane?

LANE

Look, I made a mistake with Rich Bloomenfeld. Everybody’s allowed one mistake. But Todd, Todd is different.

RORY

He is?

LANE

First of all his name is Todd - Different name different guy [Lorelai come back into living room]

LORELAI

Ok so, [turning off music] how important is this whole business school thing anyway? I mean, so what if I never run my own inn? I like my job, I like my house, I like my life. And I certainly don’t want to be one of those people who’s never satisfied with what they have you know? I mean some people don’t have legs or arms. I have legs and arms. What more could I possibly want than legs and arms? I mean, I could take all the classes in the world, that’s still not going to give me what I already have.

RORY

Legs and arms.

LORELAI

Yes. [pause] Am I sounding completely crazy?

RORY

Yes you are.

LORELAI

Wal-Mart is boring!

RORY

Study!

LORELAI

Aah! [leaves]

LANE

So?

RORY

So?

LANE

Rory?

RORY

Ok.

LANE

Really?

RORY

Yes, Yoko [they hug]

LORELAI

So [she comes and sits between the two and taps their legs] Whatcha doing?

LORELAI

Yes Michel?

MICHEL

I apologize for any inconvenience I might be causing your future employment but your current one is experiencing a problem.

LORELAI

And once again I say 'Yes Michel?'

MICHEL

Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to wait?

LORELAI

No Michel.

MICHEL

Because learning the eating patterns of the average Taco Bell consumer is a vital lesson that -

LORELAI

Michel. What do you want?

MICHEL

We are overbooked.

LORELAI

How are we overbooked?

MICHEL

Well there are more people here than there are rooms to put them in.

LORELAI

I don’t understand this.

MICHEL

Well I cannot describe it any simpler than I already have.

LORELAI

Well where did the Rucker’s come from?

MICHEL

Well judging from their clothing a town where high rubber fishing boots and spittoons would be considered formal wear.

LORELAI

Ok, put them in the Jefferson suite tonight, move them back to their previously booked room tomorrow and offer them dinner on the house for the inconvenience.

MICHEL

Very well.

LORELAI

I’m gonna get some more coffee if you need me.

MICHEL

I’ll try and manage while you’re gone, though God knows it won’t be easy.

LORELAI

(entering kitchen) Coffee?

SOOKIE

Yes.

LORELAI

Great.

SOOKIE

Necesito las hojas grandes.

LORELAI

Oh! Meringue.

SOOKIE

Yeah, I thought I’d do a variation on a baked Alaska for dessert tonight.

LORELAI

What kind of variation?

SOOKIE

See I hadn’t thought of that yet.

LORELAI

Maybe you could do them in the actual shape of Alaska.

SOOKIE

Interesting.

LORELAI

Or you could do little baked Alaskas and Hawaiis

SOOKIE

Because they joined the union last.

LORELAI

Exactly.

JACKSON

Oh [coming in the door]

SOOKIE

Jackson.

JACKSON

Sookie - hello.

SOOKIE

Hello.

LORELAI

Hey.

JACKSON

I brought you um -

SOOKIE

[stuttering] Yeah, well great. Just put them down there.

JACKSON

Right. Oh, yes [puts carrots on the counter] How’s that?

SOOKIE

That’s great, that’s just perfect. I really like them there.

JACKSON

Yeah they - they do look good there don’t they?

SOOKIE

Yes they do.

JACKSON

Ok. Well I should - [turns to leave]

SOOKIE

Uh, squash.

JACKSON

What?

SOOKIE

I need some.

JACKSON

Squash.

SOOKIE

Pattypan

JACKSON

Ok, tomorrow?

SOOKIE

Same time?

JACKSON

If that’s good for you?

SOOKIE

It is, it’s perfect.

JACKSON

Ok then, I-I’ll see you tomorrow with the pattypan.

SOOKIE

Great.

JACKSON

Yes. [leaves]

LORELAI

Ok so...who walked in on who naked?

SOOKIE

Oh God this is horrible! He comes in and - horrible.

LORELAI

What’s going on between you two?

SOOKIE

I asked him if he’d like to have dinner sometime.

LORELAI

I know - weeks ago.

SOOKIE

And he said yes.

LORELAI

Which is good.

SOOKIE

But since there’s not definite plan or date attached, now the invitation is just out there floating in the universe.

LORELAI

So make a definite plan.

SOOKIE

I can’t.

LORELAI

Why?

SOOKIE

Because what if he says no?

LORELAI

He already said yes.

SOOKIE

Yes to the amorphous, theoretical, 'Let’s maybe sometime go out and do something not too specific' proposition. But dinner and a movie - it’s concrete. It’s real, he might say no.

LORELAI

I doubt he will.

SOOKIE

Well why hasn’t he asked me?

LORELAI

I don’t know, maybe he thinks you’ve changed your mind since you asked.

SOOKIE

Well why would he think that?

LORELAI

Because you haven’t mentioned it again.

SOOKIE

But I mentioned it once, it’s his turn.

LORELAI

Alright, let’s say it is his turn, you can spend a lot of time sitting around waiting for him to realize it’s his turn, or you can just run with the wolves and make it your turn again.

SOOKIE

I don’t want it to be my turn again.

LORELAI

You just wanna let this opportunity pass?

SOOKIE

I wanna be the girl.

LORELAI

You are the girl. That’s why we’re having this very confusing conversation.

SOOKIE

You think I should ask him out?

LORELAI

On Sunday.

SOOKIE

Why Sunday?

LORELAI

Because that’s your day off.

SOOKIE

Ok.

LORELAI

Now.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

I think you should do it now before you lose your nerve.

SOOKIE

Well he’s not back to his office yet.

LORELAI

Does he have a cell phone?

SOOKIE

Yes.

LORELAI

You know people buy cell phones for exactly this reason - so you could get a hold of them anytime you want.

SOOKIE

I thought people bought cell phones in case their cars broke down at night and they needed to call someone for help and there’s psycho killers -

LORELAI

Call him.

SOOKIE

Call him?

LORELAI

Call him Sookie.

SOOKIE

Call him [giggles]

LORELAI

Mmm, she knows his number by heart.

SOOKIE

He is my produce guy.

LORELAI

Very convenient excuse.

SOOKIE

He - [into the phone] Oh Jackson? It’s Sookie. [picks up a wooden spoon and plays with it in her hair] I was wondering if you could call me back when you get a chance, sooner rather than later, it’s not an emergency so don’t freak out or anything. The carrots still look good. It seems like it’s almost a shame to eat them, sort of like you should put them in a vase or -

LORELAI

[whispers] Sookie, hang up. Hang up.

SOOKIE

Call me, bye. [giggles] Got his voice mail.

LORELAI

Ok good. It give you time to prepare what you’re going to say. Maybe have a few suggestions ready of places to go.

SOOKIE

Date prep time.

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

Ok good. I’m good at that. I’m good at prep. [picks up a pad of paper]

LORELAI

Sookie...spoon. [takes spoon away.]

SOOKIE

Right.

DEAN

Is there anything in there about me?

RORY

I don’t know. You name wouldn’t be Lithium would it?

DEAN

Aren’t you supposed to be in school?

RORY

We had a half day today - teacher conferences. So I thought I’d come by and surprise you.

DEAN

Well you know how much I hate surprises.

RORY

Yes, I’m very sorry.

DEAN

That’s for surprising me.

RORY

I have learned my lesson.

RORY

I have to talk to you about something.

DEAN

Ok, I have to talk to you about something too. Come here [ kisses her again]

RORY

Ok stop.

DEAN

Sorry. [leans in to kiss her again]

RORY

No stay!

DEAN

Why?

RORY

Because I really need to talk to you about something.

DEAN

[sighs] Alright.

RORY

It’s about Todd.

DEAN

What about him?

RORY

What do you think of him?

DEAN

He’s my friend.

RORY

I know.

DEAN

So that would signify a positive impression.

RORY

Right. Ok. Good.

DEAN

Yes, can I kiss you now?

RORY

I’m not done yet.

DEAN

Fine. Go ahead.

RORY

Well you know Lane.

DEAN

Yeah, I do.

RORY

She likes Todd.

DEAN

Ok.

RORY

And I think that they would really hit it off.

DEAN

You - you don’t even know Todd.

RORY

No but you do. And you like him - you said so.

DEAN

I did.

RORY

Ok then. There you go.

DEAN

I would - I would really like to kiss you now.

RORY

Yeah so would I.

DEAN

Ok, good. We agree [leans in for a kiss while she leans back]

RORY

I think we should set them up.

DEAN

Todd and Lane?

RORY

Yeah. We could all go out together - like to a movie or something on Sunday.

DEAN

Rory -

RORY

It would be really casual - no big deal.

DEAN

I just -

RORY

What?

DEAN

I mean, I’m just not sure that I see them together.

RORY

You don’t think Todd would like Lane?

DEAN

I’m not sure.

RORY

Lane is great.

DEAN

Yeah, I know.

RORY

She’s my best friend.

DEAN

Yeah, I-I know that.

RORY

Todd should be so lucky to get a girl like her.

DEAN

I didn’t mean -

RORY

I mean I can’t believe that you don’t think that she’s good enough -

DEAN

[over Rory] No, no, no -

RORY

or I don’t know pretty enough.

DEAN

I didn’t say anything about her not being pretty enough -

RORY

Well you did -

DEAN

Let me finish. I just don’t know if he’ll like her because I don’t know what kind of girl he likes.

RORY

Well -

DEAN

But if you want to do this, then I’ll talk to him.

RORY

You will?

DEAN

Yeah.

RORY

And you’ll mention Sunday?

DEAN

I will mention Sunday.

RORY

Thank you.

DEAN

You’re welcome. So...was that it?

RORY

Yeah that was it.

DEAN

Then can we...

RORY

Kissing. Right, let’s go.

LORELAI

[slamming book] I give up.

MICHEL

That’s the spirit.

LORELAI

I can’t remember any of this crap.

MICHEL

Well, not everyone is cut out to be their own boss. Maybe you are more of a worker bee, a follower, a ticket ripper, or the man at the concert with the orange glow stick directing you were to park.

LORELAI

You’re baiting me aren’t you?

MICHEL

No, I seriously have no faith in your aptitude.

SOOKIE

[rushing up to desk] He called! He called!

LORELAI

And?

SOOKIE

Well, I did what you said. I had it all worked out and I asked him if he’d like to go to dinner at Chez Fleur on Sunday.

LORELAI

Chez Fleur very nice.

SOOKIE

Hm, thank you. He said he would love to.

LORELAI

Oh great!

SOOKIE

He said he would love to but his cousin’s in town and he’s staying with him for the week.

LORELAI

Oh, well then just make it next week.

SOOKIE

Yes, see that would’ve been a good option had I thought of it when I was on the phone, but instead - I came up with another option.

LORELAI

Which is?

SOOKIE

That we double date with his cousin Rune and you.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Yes, ok, not as good as your option I agree. But it seemed pretty good at the time - though I wasn’t standing here watching you make that face.

LORELAI

Sookie no. I hate blind dates.

SOOKIE

I know, but this isn’t a blind date. This is you keeping his cousin company while I have a date with Jackson.

LORELAI

Oh God.

SOOKIE

Lorelai please. I’ll be your best friend.

LORELAI

You are my best friend.

SOOKIE

And you’re mine.

LORELAI

I know I am.

SOOKIE

So what are best friends for?

LORELAI

Ok.

SOOKIE

Yes?

LORELAI

Yes, I’ll go.

SOOKIE

[squeals] Thank you, thank you, thank you. You will not regret this.

LORELAI

Pick another phrase.

SOOKIE

You will not have to pay

LORELAI

Much better [sighs] Oh shut up [ to Michel who’s smiling. Opens up book again]

LORELAI

Rory?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Diva Glam.

RORY

I’ve got it.

LORELAI

Bring it up. [to Sookie] Hold still.

SOOKIE

Not too much.

LORELAI

No - just enough to say ‘hey sailor’

SOOKIE

My stomach doesn’t feel so great. I think I’ve got the flu.

LORELAI

I think you’re nervous.

RORY

Here.

LORELAI

Thank you.

RORY

I need the sparkly hair clips

LORELAI

Ok, I’ll find them in a minute.

RORY

[to Sookie] You look pretty.

LORELAI

I do?

RORY

Uh huh. [leaves]

SOOKIE

Oh thank you. [to Lorelai] I should cancel.

LORELAI

Ok, let’s do you lips first.

SOOKIE

What if I’m making an idiot out of myself.

LORELAI

By going out on a date?

SOOKIE

With my produce guy.

LORELAI

You like him.

SOOKIE

But what if tonight is a disaster and them he won’t sell to me anymore.

LORELAI

Oh my God, you’re right.

SOOKIE

Yes, see!

LORELAI

And since all the produce in the entire world is in his possession and all the produce that will be grown in the future will be in his possession, then we will never again be able to get any produce and all our vegetarian clients will die.

SOOKIE

I’m scared.

LORELAI

I know.

SOOKIE

I like him.

LORELAI

He likes you.

SOOKIE

How do you know he’s not being polite?

LORELAI

Sookie!

SOOKIE

No I mean it. [gets up and paces] It’s like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.

LORELAI

He did not have to say yes.

SOOKIE

Oh my God. Technically I am his employer.

LORELAI

Sookie!

SOOKIE

I am, I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on my.

LORELAI

Sookie!

SOOKIE

Oh! I’m a sexual harasser

LORELAI

Well then you need some false eyelashes.

SOOKIE

This isn’t funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.

LORELAI

Ok, stop talking.

SOOKIE

But -

LORELAI

No you have exhausted all your talking rights by being crazy. Sit down and listen.

LORELAI

Tonight is a good thing. Whether you find out that you’re madly in love you or you’re not meant for each other, it’s still a good thing. And I’ll be right there. And have I done a gorgeous job on your face or what? Ooh, I’ll be right back [picking up clips]

LANE

You’re sure you don’t mind?

RORY

What’s mine is yours.

LANE

I owe you forever.

RORY

Good to know.

LANE

Which one do you think Todd would like better? [holding up two jackets]

RORY

I don’t know Todd.

LANE

I think the rhinestones.

RORY

Rhinestones it is. So what did you tell your mom?

LANE

I told her that I was going to spend the evening here with you guys.

RORY

What if she calls?

LANE

Well I mentioned that we might go and rent some videos or go out to eat which could explain any absence during her call.

RORY

Very thorough.

LANE

With my mom, you can leave nothing to chance. Especially when there is a non-korean involved who as far as I know has no medical aspirations.

LORELAI

[coming into room] Hey, sparkly clips.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

Ooh, I like the rhinestones. [leaves]

RORY

And for a touch of glamour. [putting them in Lane’s hair]

LANE

So what are you going to tell Lorelai?

RORY

I don’t know.

LANE

She wouldn’t tell my mom would she?

RORY

I don’t know if she’d feel good lying to another mother. It’s like this weird code thing with her.

LANE

So we don’t tell her?

RORY

I’m not liking that option either.

LANE

No. We’ll tell her that we’re meeting Dean for a movie, and then we go to the movie and then somebody who just happens to be a friend of Dean’s, just happens to be there, for the same movie and so we figure that it would be completely rude for us to not ask said person to come sit with us.

RORY

I say to hell with governor, you run directly for president.

LANE

It’s not that bad.

RORY

Let’s just not think about it, ok?

LANE

I really appreciate this.

RORY

I know.

LANE

How do I look?

RORY

You look too good for him.

LANE

Just what I was going for. [giggles and they leave the room]

RORY

We’re going [to Lorelai]

LORELAI

Oh, where?

LANE

We’re going to a movie with Dean.

LORELAI

Nothing dirty, violent or French please

RORY

Are you going to be home late?

LORELAI

Well there’s a bit of doubt as to whether or not we’ll ever actually get out of the house at all tonight. Sookie please!

SOOKIE

Ok! I’m here, I’m down [coming down the stairs]

LORELAI

Wow! Hey, where’s your coat?

SOOKIE

It’s upstairs.

LORELAI

Aren’t you gonna need it?

SOOKIE

Oh well, it got caught around the thing, and then when I twisted around to get loose, and then the choking started. I’m free now.

LORELAI

Ok. I’ll get you something to wear.

SOOKIE

I would appreciate that.

RORY

Bye.

LANE

Bye

SOOKIE

Bye kittens [girls leave]

LORELAI

Bye girls.

LORELAI

Huh? [with a blue shawl in hand]

SOOKIE

Oh this is beautiful.

LORELAI

It goes with the theme of the evening.

SOOKIE

This is a really nice thing you’re doing for me.

LORELAI

Anytime Sookie.

SOOKIE

Last looks [Does a turn while Lorelai claps]

LORELAI

I’ll get it.

LORELAI

Hi,

JACKSON

Hi Lorelai, sorry we’re late.

LORELAI

Oh no problem. Just adds a little more primping time for the ladies.

SOOKIE

Hi Jackson

JACKSON

Sookie, hi

SOOKIE

Hi.

JACKSON

Hi.

SOOKIE

Hi.

JACKSON

Hi.

SOOKIE

Hi.

LORELAI

Ok, uh do you guys wanna come in for a minute?

JACKSON

Oh sure. [they enter] Oh, uh Lorelai, this is my cousin Rune, Rune this is Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hi, it’s very nice to meet you [extends hand but Rune doesn’t take it]

RUNE

Can I talk to you a minute?

JACKSON

What’s the matter?

RUNE

I need a minute alone, please?

JACKSON

Excuse us. [Rune takes Jackson outside]

JACKSON

What are you doing?

RUNE

That’s Lorelai?

JACKSON

Yes.

RUNE

Did you see how tall she is?

JACKSON

No, I haven’t noticed actually.

RUNE

How could you not notice, she’s like a basketball player.

JACKSON

Rune, she’s a very nice lady!

RUNE

You know I cannot go out with anyone that tall. I mean God! I can’t believe you set me up with that. What, was the bearded lady busy tonight or something?

JACKSON

It’s just one night, a little dinner.

RUNE

When she came to the door it never crossed my mind that that was who I had to spend the evening with. I thought it was her East German maid or something.

JACKSON

You’re being ridiculous, she’s not that tall!

RUNE

She’s tall enough!

JACKSON

Would you keep it down, she’s gonna hear you!

RUNE

With those big ears I bet she can.

JACKSON

Hey Rune, you come into town completely unannounced, you eat all my food, you crash on my couch and I don’t say a thing. The least you could do is go out for one night - make some conversation, be pleasant, who knows, maybe you’ll enjoy it!

RUNE

But why can’t we go out - just to the two of us.

JACKSON

Rune, please.

RUNE

[sighs] Ok.

JACKSON

Thank you [Both go back to the front door.] Ok, I think we should be going.

SOOKIE

Yes that sounds good.

RUNE

What size shoe do you wear?

LORELAI

Uh, size 9.

RUNE

9? Wow.

SOOKIE

I wonder if the mussels are fresh?

LORELAI

Um, well, it does say ‘fresh mussels’ on the menu.

SOOKIE

Yes, but a lot of times they say ‘fresh’ and they’re not, they’re frozen but they’re just called ‘fresh’ because they were fresh when they were frozen. [Jackson nodding and smiling at her] Plus if they’re not stored with the correct drainage they just sit around in their own excretions, with is kind of like sitting around in your own -

LORELAI

Sookie, I beg of you, do not order the fresh mussels.

SOOKIE

But if they’re fresh -

LORELAI

Even if they’re fresh.

JACKSON

I wonder where they get their carrots from The carrot crop this year has been really mealy.

LORELAI

[sighs] So...Rune...

RUNE

Yes?

LORELAI

What is that - ‘Rune’ ?

RUNE

What do you mean?

LORELAI

I mean, where did ‘Rune’ come from?

RUNE

I’m from out of town, I thought Jackson told you?

LORELAI

He did tell me, I meant the name ‘Rune’. You just don’t meet a lot of ‘Runes’, right? [giggles a bit]

RUNE

It was my dad’s name.

LORELAI

Oh, where’d he get it?

RUNE

[annoyed] I don’t know, from his parents I guess.

LORELAI

Ok, done with that topic [waiter approaches] Oh the waiter, thanks the Lord.

WAITER

What can I get you this evening?

SOOKIE

I’d like to ask about the mussels, are they fresh?

WAITER

Yes they are.

JACKSON

And where exactly are your carrots from?

WAITER

Well -

RUNE

Is there anything on this menu that isn’t French?

LORELAI

I’ll just have a martini and keep’em coming. [Waiter leaves] Thanks.

DEAN

What are you doing?

RORY

Nothing.

DEAN

They’re fine.

RORY

I am not looking at them. I’m looking at the world around me.

DEAN

The world is fine too.

RORY

I just want to make sure they’re having fun.

DEAN

They’re having fun.

RORY

How do you know?

DEAN

They’re not in prison or in some sort of medieval torture chamber.

RORY

Well when you measure it that way -

LANE

And the amazing thing is, all these girls are screaming and none of them are getting the joke. He’s playing the character of a rock star. I mean Beck is a genius and all these stupid girls are screaming at him just because they’re buying into the rock star image. I love Beck. I understand Beck. [looks at Todd nervously who doesn’t say anything] And the Foo Fighters - Gods. I mean, have you heard the acoustic version of ‘Everlong’? I can’t even talk about it you know? Hey, you know who I’ve really gotten into lately? The velvet underground. Oh and Nico - she’s amazing - Depressing scary German chick. I have the cd if you wanna borrow it sometime. Wh-what kind of music do you like?

TODD

I don’t know - whatever.

LANE

Fugazi?

TODD

What?

LANE

The band on your shirt.

TODD

Oh. Huh, pretty cool picture.

LANE

You don’t know what’s on your shirt?

TODD

It’s my sister’s.

LANE

Oh.

LANE

Well what about books? Do you like books?

TODD

Mmm. [shrugging]

LANE

Magazines? [Todd’s silent] What about school? What are you majoring in?

TODD

I was thinking about gym.

LANE

Gym?

TODD

If I major in gym, I only have to take 4 classes my senior year.

LANE

Oh, cool

RORY

Gym?

DEAN

We work on our bikes together. He’s got the good tools.

SOOKIE

[giggling] It was so funny. Oh God! Do you remember?

LORELAI

I remember.

SOOKIE

What was Rory, eight?

LORELAI

I believe she was.

SOOKIE

Oh god, that mud pie fiasco haunted me for a year! I mean, hers looked just like mine. Of course I used you know, homemade chocolate cookies, bittersweet ganache and she used well, mud. You know, but they did look damn similar. Oh.

LORELAI

So, uh, Sookie’s been experimenting with, um, different forms of baking ever since I’ve known her.

JACKSON

Oh, well, that’s very interesting.

SOOKIE

Yeah. Hey Lorelai, remember when I decided to teach you how to make strawberry tarts [Jackson looks bored] and the entire kitchen was stained red and I had to repaint that one wall red just to make it look normal? Do you remember? Wasn’t it?

LORELAI

Mmm, it was. Sookie, let’s go powder our noses.

RUNE

You’ll need a lot of powder.

LORELAI

We’ll be right back. Come on hon.

SOOKIE

Oh, ok.

LORELAI

Honey, no matter how many beers you buy me tonight, I’m not the one going home with you, so I would concentrate on the one who might.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

You haven’t said a word to Jackson all night.

SOOKIE

I haven’t have I?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

I know. I’m just - Oh, I’m so nervous.

LORELAI

You’re nervous? You don’t have some guy staring at you like he’s Cher and you’re the kid from ‘Mask’.

SOOKIE

I can - I can’t think of anything to say.

LORELAI

To Jackson?

SOOKIE

Yes, to Jackson.

LORELAI

Yes, cause to me tonight there’s been no ‘off’ button.

SOOKIE

I-I just - ugh! This place is too fancy, my hair is too tight and this dress is all wrong. And he looks really good doesn’t he?

LORELAI

Yes he does.

SOOKIE

I’m being crazy, I know I’m being crazy.

LORELAI

No. You’re just putting too much pressure on this whole evening. Look, in five seconds I can take your hair down, we can go some place more casual and personally I think you’re wrong about the dress.

SOOKIE

Really?

LORELAI

Yes. Come on. Let’s got to Luke’s. You know, have burgers, talk, relax - no pressure, no stress, unless I wind up stepping on Rune which might be fun.

SOOKIE

That would be great.

LORELAI

Ok, come on.

SOOKIE

Alright.

LANE

Ok, what about movies, you must have a favorite movie.

TODD

Yes I do!

LANE

Great! What is it?

TODD

Beethoven.

LANE

Beethoven? The one with the dog?

TODD

There’s this scene where this little dog is running around with a huge cabbage in it’s mouth. Oh man, it’s classic! I shot my Dr. Pepper right outta my nose! I swear!

RUNE

[sniffs] Ew.

LORELAI

Welcome to Luke’s.

JACKSON

Well this is much better.

SOOKIE

It is, isn’t it?

LORELAI

Grab a seat, I’ll get some menus

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey, four menus, a coffee and an anvil please.

LUKE

What’s the anvil for?

LORELAI

For Rune?

LUKE

What’s a Rune.

LORELAI

Please not that question again.

LUKE

Ok. [gets coffee. Lorelai sighs and looks at them sitting in silence] Here you go.

LORELAI

Mind if I hang out here a sec?

LUKE

Why? What’s going on over there?

LORELAI

Sookie and Jackson are on their first date.

LUKE

Seems to be going well.

LORELAI

I think I’d wear blue to the wedding.

LUKE

Who’s the other guy?

LORELAI

That’s Jackson’s cousin. He’s my date!

LUKE

Lucky girl!

LORELAI

Yes, I think so. He is, believe it or not, even less thrilled with the match up than I am.

LUKE

You’re kidding, why?

LORELAI

I’m too tall.

LUKE

[laughs] Get out.

LORELAI

I’m serious.

LUKE

Doesn’t he understand how great that is? You can get all the stuff from the top shelf.

LORELAI

Exactly. That is exactly what I bring to a relationship. Explain that to him will you. [takes a sip of coffee] Mmm. Luke, that is an exceptionally good batch of coffee.

LUKE

Yeah?

LORELAI

Hello!

LUKE

I added a little nutmeg.

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

Yes.

LORELAI

That’s very Richard Simmons of you.

LUKE

Well what can I say. Chicks dig a man with a feminine side.

LORELAI

Oh.

RUNE

Ok [standing up] I’m really bored.

JACKSON

Sit down, we’re about ready to order.

RUNE

I don’t wanna order, I don’t wanna eat here. I wanna go.

JACKSON

Rune.

RUNE

Jackson...Look I came out with you tonight under the impression that I’d have fun. First I get stuck with her, then I get dragged to a French restaurant, then I get dragged out of a French restaurant. God knows where I am now.

LORELAI

Oh, you’re at Luke’s.

RUNE

I’ve been very patient Jackson. Sunday night’s almost over, I wanna go bowling.

JACKSON

Well I -

RUNE

And I’d like you to go bowling with me.

JACKSON

Oh...well [looking at Sookie who’s looking at her hands] I guess we should...[starts to stand]

SOOKIE

Don’t go!

JACKSON

Really?!

SOOKIE

Yes. Stay here. We haven’t really even started our date yet.

JACKSON

No we haven’t. Sorry Rune, you’re on your own tonight.

RUNE

Fine, I’ll just see you at home then - maybe [leaves]

LORELAI

Bye Loon! [looks over at the two] Finally.

LUKE

I guess you’ll only need three menus now.

LORELAI

Hey, why don’t you make up three fabulous cheeseburgers and send two over there. I’ll have mine here.

LUKE

First I gotta watch a man walk out on you, then I have to watch you eat alone. Nope. Too pathetic.

LORELAI

I’m not eating alone. You’re here.

LUKE

I’m working.

LORELAI

Yeah but after three cheeseburgers you’re done, unless you’re expecting Elijah to stop by.

LUKE

Ok. Fine. [pulls out a deck of cards] 5-card draw.

LORELAI

Oh! You’re on.

LORELAI

Mm-hm. Mm-hm [looks at her cards] Uh...huh. Give me four. [looks at them again] Aah, no four more.

LUKE

You can’t have four more, those are the four I dealt you.

LORELAI

Well these don’t help me and I have vowed to discard anything negative in my life - first Rune and now these four cards.

LUKE

Whatever you say [giving her another 4]

LORELAI

Ooh, much better, thank you.

LUKE

Rune knew when to run away.

LORELAI

Ha.

LORELAI

God that’s nice.

LUKE

Yep.

LORELAI

The whole ‘first date, beginning of the relationship’ glow - everything is new and exciting.

LUKE

Every joke is hilarious.

LORELAI

Every little touch is incredible [touching Luke’s arm]

LUKE

Mm-hm.

LORELAI

God that’s a good feeling.

LUKE

It is at that.

LORELAI

I miss that.

LUKE

You’ll have it again.

LORELAI

Mmm...I guess.

LUKE

You know, maybe sometime we could...

MRS. KIM

Where are the girls?

LORELAI

What?

MRS. KIM

Lane said she’s with you and Rory.

LORELAI

W - slow down.

MRS. KIM

I call - no answer, I think they are at the video store, I call again - no answer. I call a 3rd time - no answer!

LORELAI

You had a lot of time on your hands tonight.

MRS. KIM

I have to know where girls are.

LORELAI

They said they were going to a movie.

MRS. KIM

With who?

LORELAI

They were going to meet Dean.

MRS. KIM

A boy? [with disgust] You let them go with a boy?

LORELAI

Mrs. Kim, Dean is Rory’s boyfriend.

MRS. KIM

Just because you let your daughter run around with boys doesn’t mean I let mine.

LORELAI

I thought you knew.

MRS. KIM

I didn’t know! They could be anywhere, they could be doing anything. Smoking, or drinking or buying drugs!

LORELAI

They’re at the movies. There’s no drugs there. They don’t even have the real red vines.

MRS. KIM

I need to find them [leaves]

LORELAI

I’m coming with [leaves too]

TODD

Good flick, good flick.

DEAN

Yeah not bad.

RORY

Lane, what’d you think?

LANE

Uh, I think it’s really late and I should be getting home.

TODD

Really?

LANE

Yeah but it’s been fun.

TODD

Oh come on. Let’s go get some ice cream or something - eat it really fast, get that freezy brain thing going. It’s cool.

LANE

So tempting and yet -

MRS. KIM

LANE KIM!!! [shouting in Korean]

LANE

My mom!

RORY

My mom!

TODD

Two moms, that’s gotta be bad.

LANE

Mama, I was just about -

MRS. KIM

[shouting in Korean]

RORY

Mom, I can -

LORELAI

So not the time Rory.

MRS. KIM

You lied to me.

LANE

I’m sorry.

MRS. KIM

Get home right now! [leave]

TODD

Whoa, rough family.

DEAN

What’s going on?

LORELAI

Oh bits of information were left out of the mom packets tonight.

RORY

I’m sorry.

LORELAI

Ok. Mother/daughter #2 are leaving now. Say bye Rory.

RORY

[to Dean] Bye.

DEAN

I’ll, uh call you later.

LORELAI

Aah.

DEAN

I’ll call you tomorrow.

LORELAI

Yeah, bye Dean.

TODD

That’s Rory’s mom? She’s a babe man!

LORELAI

[walking away] And what were you thinking?

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

You lied to me - me! What is that nonsense all about?

RORY

I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have done it.

LORELAI

Damn right you shouldn’t have done it.

RORY

But Lane really wanted to go out with Todd, and of course she could tell her mother so I didn’t tell you so you wouldn’t have to lie for us.

LORELAI

You lied to me so I wouldn’t have to lie to Mrs. Kim?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

Oh my God you really are my daughter.

RORY

I’m sorry.

LORELAI

I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

This whole trust thing only works if it goes both ways kid.

RORY

I hated doing it.

LORELAI

Good.

RORY

Would you have?

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Lied for us?

LORELAI

To Mrs. Kim?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

No.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

Because that lady’s scary.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

I can’t lie to another mother. That’s breaking the code.

RORY

So then what were we supposed to do tonight?

LORELAI

Look, I know that Mrs. Kim and Robert Duvall in ‘The Great Santini’ share a striking resemblance, but she is Lane’s mom. She has the right to tell Lane she can’t do something, you have to respect that and I really have to respect that.

RORY

So we were in a no-win situation tonight.

LORELAI

Yep.

RORY

Great.

LORELAI

Sorry. [pause] Hey, you know the one good thing we all learned from this?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

[smiling] That I’m a babe.

LANE

Hey.

RORY

What’s up Rapunzel?

LANE

Don’t take this the wrong way, but in all my various fantasies about who might appear at this window, you never actually made the list.

RORY

So how are you? I haven’t heard from you in days.

LANE

I’m ok, I guess.

RORY

I was afraid to call.

LANE

I think that’s best for now.

RORY

Your mom’s really mad huh?

LANE

The words ‘convent’ and ‘Siberia’ were both used several times and at least once as a combo.

RORY

I’m really sorry Lane.

LANE

It’s not your fault.

RORY

I shouldn’t have arranged it. I should’ve -

LANE

You arranged it because I asked you to and I’m really glad you did.

RORY

You are?

LANE

If you hadn’t set me up with Todd, then I would still be in love with him.

RORY

Not the guy for you huh?

LANE

Not the guy for anybody who can read, write, talk or function on a basic human level.

RORY

I’m sorry.

LANE

I was so bored that night I couldn’t see straight. I’ve been on Korean meditation weekends that have had more laughs.

RORY

He liked you though, Dean told me.

LANE

I know, he called here.

RORY

You’re kidding.

LANE

I pretended to be my mother and wouldn’t allow me to speak to him. Is that mean?

RORY

[giggles] I think he’ll survive. He and Dean went muffler shopping today.

LANE

That’s nice.

RORY

So how long before you can get out?

LANE

I don’t know. Right now I have to be in the house at all times except for school and church.

RORY

She didn’t give you any time frame at all?

LANE

Nope.

RORY

I miss you.

LANE

I miss you too.

RORY

Is there anything I can do?

LANE

Yeah, don’t tell anyone I went out with Todd ok?

RORY

[smiling] Promise

LANE

I gotta go.

RORY

Bye.

MRS. KIM

[angrily]You break you buy!

MAN

But it was sticking out in the aisle.

MRS. KIM

You break you buy! [Lorelai comes in.]

MAN

But I didn’t put it in the aisle.

MRS. KIM

You have eyes yes?

MAN

Yes I have eyes?

MRS. KIM

These eyes work?

MAN

Yes these eyes work.

MRS. KIM

They can make out shape, sizes and colors?

MAN

Yes they can do all that, but -

MRS. KIM

Eyes work! They see lamp in aisle, send message to brain. ‘Lamp in aisle - move ‘ You move. You don’t break lamp.

MAN

I -

MRS. KIM

You have no eyes, not my problem, that is between you and them. You break you buy

MRS. KIM

[all smiles and sweetly] We appreciate your business. [to Lorelai] Oh, hello

LORELAI

Hi. So I was wondering if I could maybe talk to you for a minute.

MRS. KIM

I’m working.

LORELAI

Right, well this is gonna be so quick you’ll be amazed.

MRS. KIM

Fine, come. [goes into another room]

LORELAI

Look, I’m really sorry about what happened the other night, uh Rory’s never lied to me like that before.

MRS. KIM

That you know of.

LORELAI

Uh, no, I’m pretty sure that was the first time and it definitely was the last.

MRS. KIM

Fine.

LORELAI

Uh, so I just didn’t want you to feel that you couldn’t send Lane over to our house anymore, um, because you can. Believe me, those girls go nowhere without me knowing about it. In fact I was thinking of having some house arrest ankle bracelets made you know - maybe cute ones with leopard print or zebra stripes, maybe a little glitter design...

MRS. KIM

Lane won’t be coming over, she will stay in our house.

LORELAI

Well, right. I was talking about later. I mean, she’s not going to be grounded forever is she?

MRS. KIM

Lane lied to me and she must be punished.

LORELAI

I totally agree. But Lane is a really good kid. I don’t think I’ve ever met a kit who respects her parents more than Lane respects you.

MRS. KIM

Lying is not showing respect.

LORELAI

Uh, she’s 16. She had a crush on a boy.

MRS. KIM

Lane is not allowed to date boys unless we have approved them. She knows that, she knows our rules and she broke them. That is unacceptable.

LORELAI

Ok, yes, you’re right. But teenagers sometimes slip up.

MRS. KIM

I don’t care what teenagers do, I care what Lane does.

LORELAI

You know, it doesn’t always work to just lock a kid up and throw away the key.

MRS. KIM

I didn’t throw away the key, it’s in the kitchen.

LORELAI

[taken aback] Ok, well, I was talking symbolically...but alright, I’m with you now. Look when I was a teenager, my parents tried to keep me locked up. They tried to force me to become what they had in mind, and now I’m not talking exactly about Lane here, but in my case, it really didn’t work.

MRS. KIM

You blame your parents for getting pregnant.

LORELAI

No, I just think sometimes if I’d had a little more space or someone to listen to me, things might have turned out different. Now I got lucky, because having Rory - totally the best thing that could have happened. But let’s be honest, I certainly don’t want Rory to turn out like me.

MRS. KIM

I don’t want Lane to turn out like you either.

LORELAI

Now I believe that’s the first thing that you and I have ever agreed on.

MRS. KIM

I just want Lane to be safe.

LORELAI

I just want Rory to be safe. So, I’m gonna go now. Hey, I think you are doing a great job with Lane. She’s a really great kid. I just wanted to put my two cents in because that’s what I do, so. Bye.

LORELAI

I know, you break you buy. I heard earlier. That’s $35 right?

RORY

An ‘A-’ - I’m very impressed.

LORELAI

And annoying boy behind me?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

‘B+’

RORY

Loser.

LORELAI

I know, it’s all very exciting. Ooh, hey did I tell you that Sookie and Jackson have another date tonight.

RORY

What is that the third one this week?

LORELAI

Yeah.

RORY

That’s so great.

LORELAI

I know it is. Of course if she tells me the story of how Jackson cultivates his own mealworms to help fertilize his plants one more time, I’m going to Romeo and Juliet them both.

RORY

It’s sweet.

LORELAI

Mealworms.

RORY

Gross, but sweet.

LORELAI

Hey, you know the rules. No pages before french fries.

RORY

Oh my God, it’s Lane!

LORELAI

Oh you’re kidding.

RORY

Give me your cell phone quick.

LORELAI

Where are you going? I wanna hear.

RORY

Outside.

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

Because Luke hates cell phones.

LORELAI

So.

RORY

I do not want to incur the wrath of Luke.

LORELAI

Why not it’s fun.

RORY

I’ll be back.

LORELAI

Goody-goody. [Rory leaves]

LANE

Rory?

RORY

Lane?

LANE

I’m standing in the yard! I’m standing in the yard!

RORY

Oh my God, she let you out!

LANE

I can go as far as the sign.

RORY

That’s so great!

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

I haven’t seen you since the other night. Everything turn out ok?

LORELAI

Oh yeah, fine. The dating world of 16 year olds - very exciting stuff.

LUKE

I bet. [pause] Oh, uh coffee?

LORELAI

Do you have to ask?

LORELAI

You know, I had a good time the other night - with the cards.

LUKE

Oh yeah, yeah - me too.

LORELAI

Good.

LUKE

Yeah, if fact you rushed out of here before I had a chance to -

LORELAI

A chance to?

LUKE

Kick your ass in poker.

LORELAI

[laughs] You wish.

LUKE

Burger?

LORELAI

Two and fries.

LUKE

Maybe we could do it again sometime.

LORELAI

Oh yeah, well, I-I would like that.

RORY

Here.

LORELAI

Oh where ya going?

RORY

Lane’s allowed outside for 15 minutes. I’m gonna go over and stand across the street and yell at her. [ rushes to the door]

LORELAI

Do you still want you burger?

RORY

I’ll be back [ closing door]

LORELAI

Yell ‘hi’ for me.