T1E13: “Concert Interruptus”

LORELAI

Absolutely nothing.

RORY

Oh come on.

LORELAI

I’m sorry, I’m looking but there is nothing in here.

RORY

Oh, you’re kidding right?

LORELAI

No, everything in here I wear.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

I do. There’s nothing to give up.

RORY

The red and black halter top?

LORELAI

Oh, no.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

Uh, it’s a classic.

RORY

It’s got rhinestones and zebra stripes on it.

LORELAI

So?

RORY

Tassels.

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

It has tassels mom.

LORELAI

Ok, I’ve had this since I was 17

RORY

Ok, I’m sorry did I mention the tassels?

LORELAI

You are heartless and unsentimental.

RORY

And you are a hopeless packrat.

LORELAI

I don’t understand why I have to up root my happy family of clothing anyway.

RORY

Because it’s a charity rummage sale.

LORELAI

I know.

RORY

That you helped organize.

LORELAI

Ok.

RORY

And volunteered to run.

LORELAI

It was very, very hot in that room that day, I was dehydrated. They could’ve talked me into anything.

RORY

It was your idea.

LORELAI

Ok, I am a very sick woman and that should be apparent to anyone.

RORY

Ok, get out of the way.

LORELAI

[Blocking her closet] What are you doing?

RORY

Step away from the closet please. [pushes her aside]

LORELAI

Oh! Oh, this is so unfair! Oh no, no, no. [Rory takes a section out of her closet] Not that whole chunk! Well, just - ok take that, that’s ugly. Just that one...no...uh.

RORY

[walking to the dresser] Ok, now all of this goes [pointing to clothes in her arms] I want you to come over here to this dresser, open up the top drawer and take out everything that you’d be embarrassed to be wearing during a car accident. Meet me downstairs. [leaves. Over her shoulder] Move!

RORY

Sweater?

LANE

Over here.

RORY

Jeans?

LANE

In back of you.

RORY

A big furry purple thing that could be either a hat, a toilet paper cover or some kind of dirty hand puppet.

LANE

Mystery box on the left.

LUKE

Hey.

RORY

Hey Luke.

LUKE

Where do you want these?

RORY

What do you have?

LUKE

Clothes, rags and some old pots and pans [holding up respective bag at a time]

RORY

Kitchenware can go in the kitchen and the clothes can go right over there.

LUKE

Ok. [heads for the kitchen after putting clothes down]

LORELAI

[comes down the stairs] Here Grinch.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

Who wants cheese?

RORY

Are there crackers?

LORELAI

Somewhere in the state of Connecticut, yes there are crackers.

RORY

And the Gilmore house?

LORELAI

Who wants cheese?

LANE

Me please. Um, kittens in the toilet poster? [holds up poster]

RORY

Another one?

LANE

This one’s signed.

LORELAI

[from the kitchen] Ah! There a man in my kitchen, somebody call the constable.

LUKE

[coming into the living room. Lorelai following] You’re mom’s a fruitcake.

LORELAI

fruitcakes by the door please.

LUKE

Good bye Rory, I wish you luck - [looks at Lorelai] with everything.

RORY

I appreciate that.

LORELAI

Ok, so rummage sale’s Sunday, today is Tuesday. At this rate, we are going to be sleeping in the yard by Thursday. We have got to start getting some of this stuff out of the living room.

TAYLOR

Hello?

LORELAI

Go away.

TAYLOR

I have a full set of dishes.

RORY

Come on in Taylor.

LORELAI

Oh, um, dishes in the kitchen please.

TAYLOR

Ok, but I have to explain something first.

LORELAI

Fine go ahead.

TAYLOR

The butter dish has a small chip in it.

LORELAI

Safety tip - got it.

TAYLOR

It’s fine. I filed down the chip and if you place it strategically on the table, nobody will ever know.

LORELAI

Uh, Taylor, would you like to write out some sort of instruction manual to go with the dishes?

TAYLOR

Oh, could I?

LORELAI

Notepad’s in the kitchen.

LORELAI

Ooh, that’s nice.

RORY

Put that back.

LORELAI

But it has rhinestones on it.

RORY

The point of this is to get crap out of here, not to trade it in for new crap.

LORELAI

Ok, are you seeing this?

RORY

Yes I am.

LORELAI

No, I don’t think you are, because if you were seeing this, you would see that this obviously has ‘Lorelai’ written all over it.

RORY

Fine, we’ll just get rid of it at next year’s sale.

LORELAI

Thank you.

SOOKIE

Ok, you guys are gonna love me.

LORELAI

We already love you.

SOOKIE

No, I mean you’re really gonna love me.

LORELAI

We do.

SOOKIE

Trust me, you guys are gonna so love me.

LORELAI

Ok, the love is starting to fade now Sookie.

SOOKIE

I have here in my hand, as requested by Ms. Lorelai Gilmore, four fabulous tickets to the Bangles at the Pastorella theater on Saturday!

LORELAI

What?

RORY

No?

SOOKIE

Do you love me?

LORELAI

Oh baby do I!

LANE

Are these good seats? These look like good seats.

SOOKIE

9th row, aisle.

LORELAI

I can’t believe you got me my tickets! Well, how did you score these?

SOOKIE

Remember the Birnbaum wedding?

LORELAI

Fiji fantasy?

SOOKIE

Yes. They were so thrilled with the volcano wedding cake that they wanted to do something nice for me and since Mr. Birnbaum runs a ticket agency and I knew you were dying to so, so I asked him if he could...

LORELAI

Make four girls very happy.

SOOKIE

Yeah and he did!

LORELAI

Huzzah for the Birnbaums!

RORY

Hey Sookie, if you got four tickets and you and mom go, then that means...

SOOKIE

Hmm, one for you and one for Lane! [Lane and Sookie hug] Oh, chickadee!

LORELAI

This is gonna be a very special night. And you know what a very, very special night deserves?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

[pulls out a hot pink dress] A new outfit!

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

What could the problem be?

RORY

This is the tackiest...

MS. CALDECOTT

As I mentioned yesterday, we will be holding a debate next week. Your subject ‘Did Charles I receive a fair trial’ The pros will represent the parliament who deemed they had sovereignty and the cons will represent the monarch and try and prove that the charge against him was not legal. What is fascinating Mr. Dugray? [catching him looking at Rory]

TRISTIN

Uh, nothing Ms. Caldecott.

MS. CALDECOTT

Nothing Mr. Dugray?

TRISTIN

My notes - my notes are fascinating Ms. Caldecott.

MS. CALDECOTT

Yes they are fascinating Mr. Dugray. As I was saying, the pro and con teams will each have two minutes and 30 seconds for introductions, six minutes to debate, three minutes for conclusions and five minutes for questions from the audience. The winner shall be decided by a hand count from the rest of the class. Does that sound like fun Mr. Dugray? [again, he’s looking at Rory]

TRISTIN

What?

MS. CALDECOTT

The debate. Does it sound like fun?

TRISTIN

Yes, it does.

MS. CALDECOTT

It does, doesn’t it Mr. Dugray?

TRISTIN

Oh, it absolutely does Ms. Caldecott.

MS. CALDECOTT

More fun than staring at Miss Gilmore’s ear?

TRISTIN

Yes Ms. Caldecott.

MS. CALDECOTT

Yeah, I think so too. Ok, any questions? Good, I’ll assign your teams. [Pointing] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you, you, - pro. [in background for next two lines] You, you, you, you - con. You, you, you -

PARIS

[whispers] Who did she point to?

MADELINE

[whispers] Well I think she... [looking at Louise and Rory]

PARIS

[stands up] Excuse me, Ms. Caldecott?

MS. CALDECOTT

Miss Geller?

PARIS

I wasn’t sure who you pointed to just now.

MS. CALDECOTT

Oh, uh, let’s see. You, Miss Lynn, Miss Grant and Miss Gilmore.

PARIS

Are you sure?

MS. CALDECOTT

Yes I am, but thank you for asking. [Paris sits] Ok, you, you, you and you - pro. You and you - con.

RORY

So I guess we should make a plan.

MADELINE

To do what?

PARIS

To work out our debate Madeline.

MADELINE

Oh, yeah right.

LOUISE

We need a place to work.

PARIS

My house is out.

LOUISE

Why?

PARIS

Because it is.

LOUISE

You need a reason.

PARIS

My mother is having the entire place redone, she wants all evidence of my father out of there. So unless you want to sit on no furniture, while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it ‘angel’s kiss’ then we’re going to have to find somebody else’s house to go to.

MADELINE

My brother has the measels.

LOUISE

My mom’s having an affair.

RORY

Well I guess we can go to my house. I mean, we’re having a town rummage sale so it’s kind of a mess, but it’s there.

LOUISE

Isn’t your house kind of far?

RORY

It’s thirty minutes away by bus.

LOUISE

Bus? I don’t do ‘bus’.

RORY

Well if you have a better suggestion -

PARIS

I’ll drive.

RORY

Ok, so then tomorrow.

MADELINE

Tomorrow.

LOUISE

Fine.

PARIS

Fine.

TRISTIN

[walks right past Rory] Hey Paris.

PARIS

Tristin, hi.

TRISTIN

You know I was really hoping we’d be in the same group.

PARIS

You were?

TRISTIN

Oh yeah. I mean, it would make the long hours of studying go by a lot faster. Plus, come on - you and me on the same team, we’d wipe the floor with the others. I guess we’ll just have to pair up on something else then huh?

PARIS

That would be good.

TRISTIN

Yeah it would. I’ll see you later. Bye Madeline, bye Louise.

LOUISE

Tristin suddenly has very big eyes for you grandma.

MADELINE

Lucky.

PARIS

Stop it, he’s just being nice.

MADELINE

He should be so nice to me.

LOUISE

And me.

PARIS

We need to get to class [the three of them leave. Paris is smiling.]

RORY

Tomorrow.

LANE

Wow.

RORY

Yup.

LANE

All three of them huh?

RORY

Double, double toil and trouble.

LANE

Well, it should make for an interesting afternoon.

RORY

With the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes.

LANE

You’re doing very well in the Shakespeare class aren’t you?

RORY

Not bad.

LANE

Good.

RORY

Thanks. Ok so what’s the plan?

LANE

We’ll go in and ask her if I can go to a play tomorrow night with you and Lorelai.

RORY

A play?

LANE

I think that’s the safest word. Show or concert would be very bad.

RORY

What about saying it’s a movie?

LANE

Too far from the truth - almost a lie.

RORY

But a play is not a lie?

LANE

Well it’s far away from the truth that it might work but close enough to the truth that I think I can negotiate a purgatory stint if forced to.

RORY

Play it is.

LANE

Ok, we’re going in.

MAN

Are you sure it’s an original Queen Anne?

MRS. KIM

Yes - original.

MAN

The joints look wrong.

MRS. KIM

Joints are fine.

MAN

They look new.

MRS. KIM

Not new, nothing’s new - whole store is old.

MAN

Do you have a certificate or a letter that you write saying that it’s old.

MRS. KIM

Yes, I’ll write a letter.

MAN

Ok, well I guess if it’s really old, I’ll take it.

MRS. KIM

We appreciate your business.

LANE

[whispers to Rory] She just made a sale, now is a good time. [louder] Hi mama.

MRS. KIM

What’s wrong?

LANE

Nothing.

MRS. KIM

You look flushed.

LANE

I do?

MRS. KIM

You eat candy?

LANE

No.

MRS. KIM

Doughnut?

LANE

No.

MRS. KIM

Hostess fruit-pie?

LANE

No, nothing, I’m fine.

RORY

Hello Mrs. Kim.

MRS. KIM

Rory.

LANE

Mama can I talk to you for a minute?

MRS. KIM

I’m busy.

LANE

I know, I was just wondering if I could go somewhere tomorrow with Rory and her mom.

MRS. KIM

Tomorrow is church.

LANE

This would be after church.

MRS. KIM

After church we think about what we heard in church.

LANE

Well I thought I could think about what I heard in church on the way to the show.

MRS. KIM

Show?

RORY

Play.

LANE

Not show, play - it’s a play mama.

MRS. KIM

Tell me about this play. What’s it about?

LANE

Ok, well, it’s about a group of people who own instruments and stand in front of other people holding them.

MRS. KIM

What?

LANE

I’m not sure what it’s about.

RORY

We could find out.

MRS. KIM

You find out, then we talk.

MAN

Excuse me, I’d really like that letter if you don’t mind.

MRS. KIM

Yes I’m coming. [leaves]

RORY

How’s that purgatory negotiation looking?

LANE

Not good.

RORY

What do we do now?

LANE

I’ll ask again later.

RORY

Well call me if you need anything.

LANE

Thanks, I will.

LUKE

If you want coffee, you’ll have to wait.

RORY

Hey Luke, someone put a sign for the rummage sale up in your window over there.

LUKE

You can have decaf right now if you’re in a hurry.

RORY

You should call the cops about this. I mean we all know how you feel about public displays of town affection.

LUKE

Your mom asked me to put it there ok?

RORY

And you said yes?

LUKE

She’s not real good with ‘no’.

RORY

No she’s not.

LUKE

For every second you laugh at me, that’s one second longer you’re waiting for coffee.

RORY

Sorry, no laughing. [he leaves]

LORELAI

Margaret Atworthy just dropped off three boxes of city council pot holders and begged me to take her grandson. People are getting crazy man. What?

RORY

What are you wearing?

LORELAI

Hey, we have already argued about the sweatshirt.

RORY

Yes but we have not argued about the hat.

LORELAI

What hat?

RORY

The one on your head, Annie Oakley.

LORELAI

It’s great isn’t it?

RORY

As nice as it is that you’re single handedly trying to rebuild the bridge, you have got to stop buying up other people’s junk.

LORELAI

The money goes to charity. I look cute. Case closed. Oh finally, the coffee cavalry arrives.

LUKE

What the hell do you think you’re wearing?

LORELAI

A hat.

LUKE

Take that off.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Now that is not yours, take it off.

LORELAI

But I’ll have hat hair.

LUKE

I’m talking about the sweatshirt.

LORELAI

Luke calm down.

LUKE

That is not yours.

LORELAI

No, I found it in the bags of stuff for the sale.

LUKE

Oh so you just find something and then you take it is that it?

LORELAI

No, I paid for it.

LUKE

Oh so that makes it alright.

LORELAI

It makes it legal. What is the matter with you?

LUKE

Nothing. Nothing is the matter.

LORELAI

Luke...

LUKE

Pour your own coffee. [puts coffee pot down on the counter and leaves]

LORELAI

[sighs] Ok just a question. Did anyone in town keep anything?

SOOKIE

Doesn’t look like it.

LORELAI

I’m never being civic-minded again.

SOOKIE

Honey, you’re doing a good thing. [falls] Ow!

LORELAI

Sookie!

SOOKIE

I’m ok.

LORELAI

Wave an arm.

SOOKIE

[Waving her arm] Here.

LORELAI

I gotcha. [takes her hand and starts to pull her up]

SOOKIE

Hold on, something down here likes me.

LORELAI

Oh.

SOOKIE

Yeah, I’m good. Hold on. Up, please.

RORY

Jeez this stuff is like tribbles.

LORELAI

Oh, thank God - just in time. Grab a bag and move it to the side of the room and be very careful, this pile just tried to eat Sookie.

RORY

Maybe I should sic it on Paris when she gets here.

LORELAI

Oh my God, that’s right. You’re studying here today.

RORY

Any minute actually.

LORELAI

Oh this place is such a pit.

RORY

Mom don’t worry about it. They’ll come in, they’ll make a face, they’ll say something snotty, we’ll study, they’ll leave. I’m just looking forward to this whole day being over, then I can concentrate on the concert.

LORELAI

Yeah.

MISS PATTY

Lorelai, sweetheart would you come outside please? I want to know where you want me to put these.

LORELAI

Coming Patty!

SOOKIE

Ok, two very large porcelain squirrels.

LORELAI

Set them free.

SOOKIE

Will do.

LORELAI

Wow, huh. These are great. They’ll really come in handy when we finally organize that giant marching band we’ve been talking about.

MISS PATTY

I danced on these drums at the Copacabana in 1969.

LORELAI

Wow.

MISS PATTY

Yeah, it was a great act. I wore bananas.

LORELAI

Oh please, tell me you have a picture of that.

MISS PATTY

[chuckles] A lot of memories happened on these drums. But I guess it’s time to move on.

LORELAI

Yeah, sure. Now you’ll finally have room for the enormous tuba you’ve hand your eyes on. [Miss Patty looks at her] Just leave - leave these here.

RORY

[on the phone] Yeah, you too. Bye. [hangs up] That was Lane [to Lorelai]

LORELAI

Oh and what’s the verdict?

RORY

She decided to be stupid and tell her mother the truth - that she wanted to go to a rock concert with us tonight in New York.

LORELAI

Stupid.

RORY

Stupid.

LORELAI

I’m so sorry.

RORY

I’m making coffee.

MISS PATTY

Well this looks really familiar. [picking up Lorelai’s sweatshirt]

LORELAI

Oh, that’s mine. Er, I saw it first and then I bought it so it’s mine now.

MISS PATTY

Really? Who brought it in?

LORELAI

I think Luke did and judging by his very hostile reaction he obviously wasn’t done wearing it yet.

MISS PATTY

Oh my, I wonder if -

LORELAI

What?

MISS PATTY

[to Sookie] I bet this was Rachel’s.

SOOKIE

Oh my God - Rachel’s?

LORELAI

Rachel? Who’s Rachel?

SOOKIE

Rachel was Luke’s very serious girlfriend. It does look like her.

LORELAI

When did Luke have a girlfriend?

MISS PATTY

Oh this must have been what, five, six years ago? Did she break that man’s heart. It was terrible.

LORELAI

How did I not know about this?

SOOKIE

Honey, you had an 11 year old kid and you were just moving into this house. Plus Rachel traveled all the time. She was a photographer.

MISS PATTY

Archeologist.

SOOKIE

Really?

MISS PATTY

Or a flight attendant.

LORELAI

I can’t believe I never even heard about it.

MISS PATTY

At least I think so.

SOOKIE

Well Luke never talks about it. No one else likes to talk about it because he could probably kill you with that coffee pot if he wanted to.

LORELAI

Wow. I never pictured Luke having a girlfriend, or a broken heart.

MISS PATTY

Well I would keep this hidden if I were you. Well I gotta be going. Trampoline class at two.

SOOKIE

Bye Patty.

MISS PATTY

Bye.

LORELAI

Bye, thanks for the drums.

SOOKIE

Ok, these all need to be mended.

LORELAI

My room.

SOOKIE

Mm-hmm. Ok.

LORELAI

Rory, I think your friends are here. She must be one great babysitter to earn enough money for that car.

RORY

Let’s just get this over with.

LORELAI

Take heart my dear. Suffer today party tonight.

LORELAI

[Opens front door] Hi.

LOUISE

Hi.

MADELINE

Hi.

LORELAI

Come one in.

RORY

So did you guys find it ok?

PARIS

There’s no sign on this street.

RORY

I know, that’s why I told you to turn right at the big rooster statue.

PARIS

I thought you were kidding.

LORELAI

Oh no, we never kid about Monty.

LOUISE

Monty?

LORELAI

Monty the rooster - Monty.

LOUISE

Oh.

RORY

Everybody this is my mom.

LORELAI

Lorelai.

RORY

This is Louise, Madeline and Paris.

LORELAI

Ah, very good girl-group names. Ok, so, um sorry about the house of horrors here. Some crazy lady volunteered to lead this charity thing and we’re trying to get her some help, so make yourselves comfortable. Rory, just yell when you guys want pizza.

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

Ok. [goes upstairs]

RORY

So do you guys want to work in here or in the kitchen?

PARIS

Whatever.

RORY

Ok. [they sit in the livingroom]

PARIS

Ok, so here’s how it should go. Madeline will do the introductions, I’ll handle the debate, Rory will do the onclusion and Louise will take questions.

RORY

Why do you automatically get to handle the debate?

PARIS

Because I’m the most experienced at it.

MADELINE

Trust me, you want her to handle the debate. She never gives up.

LOUISE

Le pitbull.

RORY

Ok.

LOUISE

So what is all this stuff? [going through some bags]

RORY

Uh, it’s for a big town rummage sale.

MADELINE

Like a charity thing?

RORY

Yeah. There’s this old bridge that’s completely falling apart and the town’s trying to save it.

LOUISE

Oh cool hat.

PARIS

Put that down. It’s used.

LOUISE

Vintage dear.

PARIS

Filthy darling.

MADELINE

There’s this great store under my therapist office who has the best vintage clothes. I found an original Pucci top for practically nothing.

LOUISE

Oh Pucci is very big right now.

MADELINE

Is this a Pucci? [holding up a shirt]

RORY

No, that’s a patty.

LOUISE

A patty?

RORY

Miss Patty. She’s a dance teacher here. These are some of her old costumes.

LOUISE

Oh here Paris. Tristin might like this [holds up a pink sequence dress]

PARIS

Can we just work please?

LOUISE

Ugh. I would love to have a boyfriend that looked like Tristin.

MADELINE

Your boyfriend’s no slouch either.

RORY

No he’s not.

LOUISE

Oh yes - 6’2... and fiesty. So how’s that going? Are you two still ‘Joanie loves Chachi’?

RORY

God, I hope not.

MADELINE

You are still together aren’t you?

RORY

Yeah, we’re still together.

LOUISE

How long has it been?

RORY

I don’t know.

MADELINE

You do too.

RORY

About a month.

LOUISE

Oh, lifers.

PARIS

Hey!

MADELINE

Jeez.

PARIS

We have a debate to organize here and this conversation is quickly veering towards the subject of french kissing and glitter eye shadow - trashy or trendy? And I for one have no intention of being humiliated in front of the whole class because we were forced to study in the middle of a carnival and you two couldn’t keep your eye on the prize! I want to win and I’m going to win.

LOUISE

So how good of a kisser is Paul Bunyan anyway? [Louise, Madeline and Rory giggle.]

SOOKIE

Ok, does anyone in town have a peg leg?

LORELAI

Uh...no.

SOOKIE

Hem these.

LORELAI

So tell me more about this Rachel?

SOOKIE

Why are you so curious?

LORELAI

Well because apparently everybody in town knows everything about it and I don’t like to be out of the loop.

SOOKIE

It’s old news.

LORELAI

Yes but I’m fascinated. I mean, I go to Luke’s once a day, sometimes twice - three times if Michel has talked to one of his relatives and his accent has gotten thicker. I feel I should know the whole story. What happened? Where’d she go?

SOOKIE

Well, Rachel liked to move around a lot. She was very adventurous person. She loved to climb things and fling herself off of cliffs and dive into these really tiny lakes and ride big wild horses and fly planes.

LORELAI

So she was wonder woman.

SOOKIE

She was to Luke. I thought they were going to get married.

LORELAI

What happened?

SOOKIE

The rumour is that Starts Hollow was too small for her. She wanted to live somewhere more exciting.

LORELAI

But Luke didn’t.

SOOKIE

Mm. You know Luke. He lived here all his life. He wouldn’t even go away for college. I think we’re going to bury him in that diner.

LORELAI

Wow. It’s sad.

SOOKIE

Yeah. Ok, well I am done here. I’m gonna stop by the inn for a while and then I am gonna go home and I’m gonna change for the show tonight.

LORELAI

We leave at 6.

SOOKIE

I will be here, bye

PARIS

We’ll need the actual quotes so learn them by heart.

MADELINE

What about using note cards.

PARIS

Note cards look sloppy. We will know our information.

MADELINE

But the other teams will use note cards.

PARIS

And the other team will lose.

SOOKIE

Bye girls, Rory, see you tonight!

RORY

Bye Sookie.

LORELAI

What’s tonight?

RORY

We’ve got tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theatre.

MADELINE

In New York?

RORY

Yeah.

LOUISE

Sounds potentially not boring.

RORY

It’s gonna be great actually and the seats are amazing.

MADELINE

Who are you going with?

RORY

My mom and Sookie.

LOUISE

You’re kidding?

RORY

What?

LOUISE

You’re going to a concert with your mom?

RORY

Yeah.

MADELINE

I cannot imagine doing anything like that with my mom.

RORY

Actually we do stuff like this all the time.

MADELINE

Really?

RORY

Yeah.

MADELINE

Wow.

LOUISE

Hey, how old is your mom anyways?

RORY

32.

MADELINE

Young.

LOUISE

So that means she had you when she was...

PARIS

16. She had her when she was 16. We’ve done the math, can we just ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ about this quickly and get back to work?

LOUISE

16. I’m 16.

MADELINE

So am I.

PARIS

We’re all 16 ok. Everybody in this room is 16.

RORY

Paris is right. We should work.

PARIS

Thank you.

LOUISE

I can’t imaging having a baby at 16.

PARIS

Well then keep your knees shut.

LOUISE

Very nice.

MADELINE

Do you think your mom is sorry she got pregnant so young?

PARIS

Of course she is.

RORY

Why thank you.

PARIS

I didn’t meant that. I just meant that...

RORY

I mean, I don’t think she would recommend it but I think she’s happy with how things turned out.

LORELAI

I am?

RORY

Yes you are.

LORELAI

Ok, just checking. Hey, I’m starving, is it pizza time yet?

RORY

Are you guys hungry?

MADELINE

I am.

PARIS

I can’t eat dairy.

LORELAI

Ok, one with cheese, one without. Cokes?

RORY

Yes please.

MADELINE

Me too.

PARIS

We’re never going to finish.

LOUISE

I find your mother completely fascinating.

RORY

Funny - so does she.

LOUISE

It’s almost more like having a big sister.

MADELINE

And you like her don’t you?

RORY

She’s my best friend.

LOUISE

Truly, completely fascinating.

LORELAI

[from the kitchen] Rory come in here a sec!

RORY

I’ll be right back.

LORELAI

Hey, how’s it going in there?

RORY

Truly, completely fascinating.

LORELAI

Really?

RORY

Well we’ve basically gotten no work down at all. Paris is having a meltdown, which by the way is always fun.

LORELAI

Sounds it.

RORY

And, I don’t know, we’ve just been talking.

LORELAI

Well, I think you’re actually making some friends here.

RORY

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They’ve basically just moved off the plan to dump the pig’s blood on me at the prom, that’s all.

LORELAI

Talking, chatting, no work being done - there’s friend potential going on.

RORY

Maybe - with Louise and Madeline at least.

LORELAI

Two out or three formerly psychotic enemies - not bad. There [handing Rory a plate]- pop-tart appetizers to tide you over till the pizza comes.

RORY

Thanks [turns to leave]

LORELAI

Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.

RORY

Those are never comforting words coming from you.

LORELAI

Just consider this ok?

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

Now, we have four tickets to the show tonight.

RORY

Yes we do.

LORELAI

What if I give them to you? You take them.

RORY

What are you talking about?

LORELAI

Well, it just seems like you guys have kind of a bonding thing going on in there, it might be fun.

RORY

But what about you?

LORELAI

No, no you and I have already bonded. In fact, if we bond any further, we will be permanently fused together.

RORY

You’ve been talking about this concert since you heard about it.

LORELAI

I can still go.

RORY

How?

LORELAI

Sookie and I can buy cheap seats when we get there.

RORY

These tickets are 9th row aisle - dream seats.

LORELAI

Look, you don’t have to do this, but I just think you have three years of Chilton ahead of you and it might be nice to have some friendly type people to talk to there. And I don’t know, you guys seem to be getting along, it might be good. And I totally don’t mind, I just want to see the show, I don’t care from what seat.

RORY

Are you sure?

LORELAI

Completely sure.

RORY

Because I -

LORELAI

Oh ladies! [taking plate and going into the living room] Hey what are you guys doing tonight?

MADELINE

Why?

LORELAI

Well we have these really great tickets to see the Bangles at the Pastorella theater and Rory thought you might like to come along.

MADELINE

Are you serious?

LOUISE

No way.

RORY

Yeah - I mean if you guys want to.

MADELINE

I would love to go.

LOUISE

Count me in.

RORY

Paris, what about you?

PARIS

I can’t.

LOUISE

Yes you can.

PARIS

No, I can’t.

LOUISE

Because you’re busy doing what?

PARIS

I have homework.

MADELINE

She’ll be there.

RORY

Good.

LORELAI

Great.

RORY

He made it [Louise and Madeline look at bracelet Dean made for her]

MADELINE

Oh he’s handy. How great.

LOUISE

And you wear it all the time right?

LORELAI

Just when she’s breathing.

SOOKIE

It’s a love thing.

RORY

Thanks for the contributions.

LORELAI

Ok here [offers tickets but pulls them back] Ah! With these tickets you are about to enter sacred space, you will be treading on hallowed ground, you will be walking like an Egyptian.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

Take’em. Oh you’re going to have a great time. The Bangles are the best! They were my favorite band in high school. I almost named you Susanna. The day I found out you had no musical talent at all was the saddest day of my life.

RORY

I’m sorry.

LORELAI

Well you say that now. Here, ok, these are probably located - Hi! [to usher]

USHER

Hi.

LORELAI

Can you tell me where these seats are?

USHER

Uh, those are right in here.

LORELAI

Oh good, girls...ok, here’s the deal. Take the tickets, go to your seats, have the night of a lifetime - Bangle it up. The second the concert is over, meet us outside in front of the theater got it?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

Good! Now go!

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

You’re welcome. [to Sookie] Ok, let’s go make our noses bleed.

SOOKIE

After you.

PARIS

Which aisle is it?

LOUISE

We’re almost there.

MADELINE

I have never sat this close to a stage before. In fact, I’ve never even really been to a concert before so I could be sitting at the back and say the same thing.

LOUISE

In here.

MADELINE

Oh good.

RORY

Wow, these are amazing seats.

LOUISE

[checking out the cute guys in the row behind them] Yes they are.

RORY

[to Paris] What are they looking at?

PARIS

One guess. [Rory looks behind them at the guys]

GUY

Check it out, we’ve got fans [seeing Rory]

PARIS

Was I right? [as Rory turns back]

RORY

You were right.

PARIS

And before it’s dark, they’ll have every picnic basket that’s in Jelly Stone park.

SOOKIE

Did you ever see Everest?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

It’s a good movie.

LORELAI

We must be getting close, we’re running out of rows.

SOOKIE

And 1,000. Ok, we’re here.

LORELAI

Great. Ok, this is fine [sitting]

SOOKIE

Not bad at all. [Lorelai starts to laugh] What? What? What is so funny?

LORELAI

[laughing] These are the worst seats in the entire world!

SOOKIE

They are, aren’t they?

LORELAI

Oh my God, it’s so funny. [to guy next to her] Don’t you think this is funny?

GUY

You know, I don’t.

LORELAI

I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

SOOKIE

Ooh, they’re starting. Do you have a lighter?

LORELAI

[laughing] You mean a flame thrower? [to guy] Do you get it? A flame thrower because it’s so far.

ANNOUNCER

Ladies and gentlemen - The Bangles!!!

LORELAI

Hey, was Rachel pretty?

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

I’m just curious, was she pretty?

SOOKIE

She was pretty.

LORELAI

Like, what kind of pretty?

SOOKIE

What do you mean ‘what kind of pretty’?

LORELAI

I mean, like was she a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of pretty or a Michelle Pfiffer-y pretty or -

SOOKIE

She was an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.

LORELAI

Really.

SOOKIE

Yup.

LORELAI

That’s an intense kind of pretty.

SOOKIE

You’re not kidding.

LORELAI

I never pictured Luke with an Elle MacPherson kind of pretty.

SOOKIE

No? Pictured him more with a Lorelai Gilmore kind of pretty?

LORELAI

Oh, the air up here must be very thin because you’re delirious.

SOOKIE

And you’re jealous.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

You’re jealous of Rachel.

LORELAI

You’re accusing me of being jealous of a woman who dumped a man I’m not even interested in five years ago?

SOOKIE

Yes.

LORELAI

And you don’t think that’s crazy?

SOOKIE

Oh I do think that’s crazy?

LORELAI

Right, I’m not jealous.

SOOKIE

Yeah you are.

LOUISE

Oh my God! He is so gorgeous.

RORY

I guess.

LOUISE

Listen, there’s a massive party going on right around the corner.

RORY

So?

LOUISE

So they invited us.

RORY

Who?

LOUISE

Jess and Sean, we’ve been talking to them this whole time, they’re extremely cool.

MADELINE

Are we going?

RORY

Going where?

MADELINE

To the party?

RORY

There’s a concert going on.

LOUISE

The band won’t miss us.

RORY

We can’t just leave Louise.

LOUISE

It’s America Rory.

RORY

We have to meet my mom after the show.

LOUISE

Oh come on.

RORY

What do you mean ‘Oh come on’. We have to meet my mother after the concert. The band may not miss us but Lorelai sure will.

MADELINE

These guys are so cute.

RORY

Oh that’s great but we’re not going anywhere.

LOUISE

What are you afraid?

RORY

Of going out into a strange city with two guys I don’t know? Yeah.

MADELINE

Rory please!

RORY

No!

LOUISE

Well we’re going.

RORY

No you’re not.

LOUISE

Paris, join please?

PARIS

No, thanks.

LOUISE

Fine, come on Madeline.

RORY

And just what am I supposed to tell my mother?

LOUISE

That you’re a very good little girl. [gets up and leaves]

RORY

Louise.

MADELINE

The party’s in a building on the corner of Waverly and First. Try to get away. [leaves]

RORY

Madeline.

MADELINE

We’ll be back by the time the concert’s over.

PARIS

You know, I really like this band.

PARIS

Well?

RORY

I couldn’t find Mom or Sookie anywhere.

PARIS

So what do we do now?

RORY

I guess we just wait here for them to find us.

PARIS

Ok.

RORY

I can’t believe Louise and Madeline would just leave like that.

PARIS

They’ve done it before.

RORY

Nice.

PARIS

Yeah, well.

RORY

Can I ask you a question?

PARIS

Maybe.

RORY

What could you possibly see in Tristin?

PARIS

You wouldn’t understand.

RORY

Is it just that he’s cute?

PARIS

Partly.

RORY

Cause there are a lot of cute guys in the world.

PARIS

Not like Tristin.

RORY

He’s just such a jerk.

PARIS

He’s not always a jerk.

RORY

No?

PARIS

No.

RORY

Ok. When is not a jerk?

PARIS

I’ve known Tristin a really long time ok? We’ve been in the same class since kindergarten.

RORY

Really?

PARIS

Yes...and he has things in his life that are hard. His parents - not so great. We have that in common.

RORY

Ok.

PARIS

He kissed me once.

RORY

He did?

PARIS

In the 6th grade - on a dare.

RORY

How romantic.

PARIS

You just don’t know him like I do ok?

RORY

Ok, I believe you. I just - I think maybe you could do better.

PARIS

I know he’s flirting with me to get to you, but at least he’s flirting with me.

LORELAI

Hey.

RORY

There you are.

LORELAI

Think fast [throws them a t-shirt each] T-shirts for all the girls because I’m the good witch of the - hey, aren’t you missing a couple of kids?

RORY

They left.

LORELAI

Excuse me?

RORY

Madeline and Louise met these guys and they -

LORELAI

What guys?

RORY

I don’t know, they were sitting behind us and they were having a party.

LORELAI

Unbelievable!

SOOKIE

What’s going on?

LORELAI

They left.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

Let’s go, come on, move.

LORELAI

I leave the house with four girls, I’m coming home with four girls. [knocks on a door] Hi, I’m looking for a couple of college boys, who might live here or have friends who live here.

WOMAN

I don’t talk to anyone. People annoy me. [closes door]

LORELAI

[coming up to Sookie listening at a door] What?

SOOKIE

She found him with the blonde again.

PARIS

She’s gonna knock on every door in the entire building isn’t she?

RORY

Yep.

PARIS

Wow.

LORELAI

[knocks] Hello? Is anyone home?

SOOKIE

[knocks] Hello? [dog barks] Aah! Let’s go follow your mother.

PARIS

I wonder if I was missing if my mom would come looking for me like that.

RORY

Paris, you know she would.

PARIS

Yeah, or at least she’d send somebody.

SOOKIE

Music.

LORELAI

Let’s go. [knocks. Guy answers]

RORY

Mom, that’s one of the guys.

GUY

Yeah?

LORELAI

Thanks. Hi, could you move please? [enters]

GUY

What?

LORELAI

Hey, did you miss me?

LOUISE

Lorelai.

LORELAI

Ms. Gilmore. Put the cups down, let’s move.

GUY

Is there a problem?

LORELAI

Yeah, see those two idiots over there? They’re 16 - underage and I bet you’re not. I also bet those big fancy party cups aren’t holding lemonade. You really want to end any further conversations with me so step aside Skippy. Move your asses outside - now! [they leave apart.] Hey. I am not even going to begin to tell you how completely insane it is to take off with anyone you don’t know, or drink things that you don’t know what’s in them, or act like you have a clue when you don’t, but so help me God if you ever pull a stunt like this again, it will not be around my kid! Do you understand me?

LOUISE

Yes.

MADELINE

Yes.

LORELAI

Good, now let’s go. I can’t wait to meet your parents. We have some catching up to do. I think we’ll just talk and talk and talk all night long.

PARIS

You know what? I think this is the best night I’ve ever had.

LANE

I cannot believe I missed it.

RORY

The concert was amazing.

LANE

Forget about the concert. I wanted to see Lorelai pull those idiots out of that guy’s apartment.

RORY

It definitely was a Kodak moment.

LORELAI

Hey.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey, you didn’t wake me up.

RORY

I set the clock.

LORELAI

Yes, but see the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep, you however never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the wake up process.

LANE

I’m gonna get a soda, anybody want anything?

RORY

Gum.

LORELAI

Yes, the night of my 14th birthday back so I can right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco outfit wrong.

LANE

Coming right up.

LORELAI

Bye. So, talked to anybody today?

RORY

You mean Madeline or Louise or Paris?

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Right.

RORY

Though I bet school tomorrow will be really interesting.

LORELAI

Oh yes - stories of Rory’s Bangle’s - obsessed mother ripping open apartment doors, scaring the pointy haired boys.

RORY

Totally uncool, man.

LORELAI

I had to do it Rory, they could’ve gotten hurt.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

God, I thought inviting those girls out would make things easier for you at school.

RORY

Yeah, well I’ve always thought ‘easy’ is completely overrated.

LORELAI

Oh, that’s my twisted girl.

RORY

Plus Paris decided to let me split the debate time with her.

LORELAI

Wow! [pause] Wait, why am I wowing?

RORY

Because splitting debate time with Paris is like doing that whole ‘spitting in your palm and shaking hands’ friendship oath thing.

LORELAI

But way less gross?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

Oh, good, I’m glad then. Oh, uh, I’ll be right back.

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

[coming up to Luke] Hey.

LUKE

Oh, hey.

LORELAI

Find anything good?

LUKE

Oh yeah, I got some refrigerator magnets shaped like sushi for a nickel, so basically I scored.

LORELAI

Oh good.

LUKE

Hey, look, about that thing that happened the other day -

LORELAI

Oh forget it.

LUKE

I was a jerk, I didn’t mean it.

LORELAI

I know - really

LUKE

Yeah well, I am sorry.

LORELAI

I wanted to give this back to you [offering Rachel’s sweatshirt]

LUKE

Oh no, you bought it.

LORELAI

I know but it’s yours and I didn’t know.

LUKE

You didn’t know?

LORELAI

About the former owner.

LUKE

Oh.

LORELAI

If I had, I wouldn’t have flaunted it in front of you like that.

LUKE

Hey, it’s not a big deal, I was having a bad day, that’s it. Now I got magnetic sushi and all is right with the world.

LORELAI

Ok good. So here. It obvious

LUKE

But you have to let things go eventually right?

LORELAI

Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean you wouldn’t want to forget everything would you?

LUKE

No there was some stuff that I definitely would not want to forget.

LORELAI

Well here, so you don’t forget.

LUKE

Thanks, can I pay you for it?

LORELAI

In coffee, absolutely.

LUKE

Alright. I’m not pining you know -

LORELAI

I know

LUKE

Just remembering.

LORELAI

Got it.

LUKE

Remembering is not pining.

LORELAI

You’re absolutely right.

LUKE

It’s just like a memento, like restaurant matches.

LORELAI

I can see the resemblance.

LUKE

Ok, well good.

LORELAI

Bye Luke.

LUKE

Bye.