T1E21: “Love, Daisies and Troubadours”

LORELAI

Dear God Almighty Mr. Mirkle!

LORELAI

Hey!

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You are not sleeping through this.

RORY

Through what?

LORELAI

The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house!

RORY

I was sleeping through it!

LORELAI

It had to have woken you up.

RORY

No my insane mother Margot Kidder Gilmore woke me up.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

How are you today?

LUKE

Good, how are you?

LORELAI

Good, good. What are you doing?

LUKE

Fixing your porch rail.

LORELAI

That's right. You are. You're fixing my porch rail. . . . At six thirty in the morning!

LUKE

It was the only time I could do it.

LORELAI

Why? Why?

LUKE

It was broken. I noticed last time I was here. It could hurt somebody.

LORELAI

Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

LUKE

You're gonna wake the neighbors.

LORELAI

UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.

LORELAI

Ugh. Oh shoot. RORY!

LUKE

You locked out?

LORELAI

You don't exist! RORY!

LUKE

You shouldn't have closed the door.

LORELAI

Ah! RORY!

BABETTE

Lorelai, sugar, you're waking up the entire neighborhood. Please!

LORELAI

Excuse me!

RORY

I am officially annoyed.

LORELAI

Oh! Well, don't blame me, blame Lu. . .(She points to the porch rail where Luke was, but he is gone.) He was right here.

RORY

Yeah, I know. (Rory guides Lorelai back into the house)

BABETTE

Get her back to bed doll.

LORELAI

He was banging on the. . .

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

It was something on the porch. It was broken.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

I'm not crazy.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

He was banging on something.

RORY

I know. (Rory pulls Lorelai back in the house and shuts the door.)

LORELAI

Michel, get that please.

MICHEL

I cannot.

LORELAI

Michel, we've been over this, we all cover the phone, that includes you.

MICHEL

Don't misunderstand. I want to answer it, I truly did, but today, today I am suffering from ennui.

LORELAI

Ennui?

MICHEL

Severe ennui. You know what ennui is, yes?

LORELAI

Yes. Um, Webster's defines ennui as a lazy soon to be out of work French concierge who won't answer the phone.

MICHEL

Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.

LORELAI

So, you're sleepy?

MICHEL

It's a metaphysical angst.

LORELAI

So, you wanna go beddy bye?

MICHEL

You make light, it increases my ennui.

LORELAI

Okay, that's it. Come on you need coffee.

LORELAI

I need coffee. Extra strong. Double cafe. Triple cafe. No, forget the cafe. Throw in the whole cow and serve it to this man right here! (pause) What's wrong with you?

SOOKIE

I don't know. It might sound a little weird, but I think I've got . .

LORELAI

Oh no.

SOOKIE

Ennui.

LORELAI

You explained ennui to her.

MICHEL

She asked me what was wrong with me earlier, so I told her.

LORELAI

Michel, you know that Sookie ends up thinking she's coming down with whatever illness other people else have.

SOOKIE

Nuh uh!

LORELAI

Oh no? What was that whole conversation last week when I had to convince you you didn't have a prostate.

SOOKIE

Oh. How is Al?

LORELAI

Hello?

MAX

Is this a bad time?

LORELAI

For the hotel industry, but not for you.

MAX

I've only got a second, but I wanted to say hi.

LORELAI

Hi.

MAX

And thank you for last night.

LORELAI

It was a good night, wasn't it?

MAX

Several novels will be written about it.

LORELAI

I say we do it again, and next time, I'll be the gypsy queen.

MAX

Do you know the more I see you the more I want to see you.

LORELAI

Same here.

MAX

It's like a vicious circle.

LORELAI

It's an achy feeling.

MAX

Like withdrawal pains.

LORELAI

Totally distracting.

MAX

Completely wonderful. Oh I gotta go.

LORELAI

No, don't!

MAX

Okay.

LORELAI

I gotta go.

MAX

Don't.

LORELAI

Okay.

MAX

This would be another example of a vicious circle.

LORELAI

So we should both go.

MAX

We definitely should.

LORELAI

So. . .

MAX

Hang up. . .

LORELAI

No, you hang up!

MAX

Vicious circle.

LORELAI

Bye! (hangs up)

SOOKIE

You look happy.

LORELAI

Oh, well, what's the opposite of ennui?

SOOKIE

Off-ui. Oh, hey, I'm cured!

LORELAI

I had the weirdest dream last night. We were in our house, but it wasn't our house, it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken.

RORY

I'm hooked.

LORELAI

I had to get dressed, but my clothes were in the back. And the guy manning the giant oil vat would not let me though.

RORY

Oh my God! That's so weird. When you said oil vat, that just reminded me, I had this dream last night we were swimming in a pool, only it wasn't water, it was like oil or honey or something.

LORELAI

Hey.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You totally did the thing.

RORY

What thing?

LORELAI

The thing where one person is describing their dream and it reminds the other person about their dream, and suddenly it's all about their dream and the first person is just standing there like, um, hey man, what about my dream.

RORY

I'm sorry, the oil vat guy was being mean.

LORELAI

Yes. And we knew him. He used to live in town. He was that guy who used to run the auto body shop before Maven Hughes bought it. Remember him?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Yes, you do. He's really skinny

RORY

Peter Stringbean?

LORELAI

No. That was the tall circus freaky guy who worked for him. This was the owner guy. What was his name?

RORY

I don't know.

LORELAI

Yes you do. Come on. Ugh. It's gonna bug me all day. He was short and fat and his name was. . .

RORY

Johnny McShort-and-Fat.

LORELAI

Oh, now, don't mock.

LORELAI

Hey, who was the guy who used to run the auto body shop?

LUKE

The Stretch Cunningham guy?

LORELAI

No, the Dick Tracy guy.

LUKE

Big, always had a half-smoked cigar in his mouth?

LORELAI

Yes, him! What was his name? It was like Jim something or other.

LUKE

Always had an ING at the end.

LORELAI

Yes. Uh, Banning.

LUKE

Glanning.

LORELAI

Dunning.

LUKE

That's it.

LORELAI

Ooh! Hey! (Lorelai comes back into the house to tell Rory) Jim Dunning was the Dick Tracy guy. Jim Dunning, that's the Dick Tracy guy.

LORELAI

Oh. The Dean box. Okay, I know I was supposed to throw it away, but I couldn't. I mean, you're young and your head's all weird, and you don't have any perspective because of that whole young weird headed thing, so just please listen to me before you get mad. You're gonna want that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and looking back and thinking, I certainly had an interesting life. And then you can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes. Which is good, because I threw away stuff I'd kill to have today. Look, I put it in with the Max box so they could chat and keep each other company and commiserate about how they had Gilmore girl and lost a Gilmore girl and . . .sorry.

RORY

Thanks.

LANE

What I wanted to say was, Janie Fertman, you are a vacuous bimbo who will be turning letters as a profession one day. And the only way you'll know which letter to turn is when it dings and lights up. And I have no desire to stop and talk to you. Ever. But what I said was 'what Janie?' And then she goes, 'You're cheerleader material.' Cheerleader material! Just like that. I couldn't believe it! I almost went full matrix on her. Have you heard a word I've said?

RORY

No.

LANE

I resent that. I'm a witty conversationalist.

LANE

What?

RORY

I'm going in.

LANE

You can't.

RORY

I'm going in.

LANE

It's Thursday afternoon.

RORY

I know.

LANE

He works on Thursday afternoons.

RORY

I know.

LANE

We're talking you know who.

RORY

I know.

LANE

Oh my god!

RORY

Calm down.

LANE

Oh my god!

RORY

You're making a spectacle.

LANE

You're getting back together with Dean!

RORY

If you keep jumping like that I'm gonna videotape it and send it to Janie Fertman as your cheerleader audition.

LANE

When did this happen?

RORY

Nothing's happened. I don't even know what I'm doing exactly. Or what he's thinking or whether he's burned all my letters and pictures or hates me or what, but I'm going in.

LANE

I so encourage this. I love you, but you've been mopey, dopey, and about 12 other melancholy dwarves for the past 5 weeks and I miss the old Rory.

RORY

I miss the old me too.

LANE

And I've been feeling bad for the new Rory.

RORY

Well she's staging a comeback.

LANE

And may it be more successful than Peter Frampton's.

RORY

Wish me luck.

LANE

Luck!

TAYLOR

Rory.

RORY

Oh, Taylor, you scared me.

TAYLOR

What are you doing? You're walking around like . . .

RORY

Like what?

TAYLOR

Dare I say, like a shoplifter.

RORY

Oh, I'm not here to shoplift.

TAYLOR

Well, you currently fit 4 of the 8 characteristics.

RORY

I do?

TAYLOR

You're alone, you look nervous, you're meandering in an aimless fashion, and you're wearing a baggy coat.

RORY

Oh, I tend to run cold.

TAYLOR

So what are you here for?

RORY

I'm looking for your checkout boy. I had a question and I didn't want to bother you.

TAYLOR

He's stacking on six. (calls the checkout boy) Over here please! (He walks over.) Mikey, this is Ms. Gilmore, she needs some help. Take care Rory. Watch her.

MIKEY

Yeah?

RORY

Hi. Uh, I was just wondering, do you like working here?

MIKEY

What?

RORY

I mean, do you enjoy the whole boxboy trade as a profession?

MIKEY

No.

RORY

No, okay, good. So, I'm just gonna cross that off my list. Thank you for your time.

LANE

Well?

RORY

He's not there.

LANE

But he always works Thursday.

RORY

I guess he's taking Thursday afternoons off now. That's not good.

LANE

How is that not good?

RORY

Because that means he's moved on.

LANE

What are you talking about?

RORY

Obviously he's met one of those Thursday afternoon girls.

LANE

What's a Thursday afternoon girl?

RORY

They're those slutty girls that get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things.

LANE

Okay, you're reading way too much into this.

RORY

I shouldn't have gone in.

LANE

No it's good to go in.

RORY

Taylor thinks I'm casing the place. Like I would ever shoplift there.

LANE

You have shoplifted there.

RORY

Lane, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to be more honest with me than you've ever been before in your life. Have you ever seen him with another girl at school?

LANE

No.

RORY

Lane.

LANE

No.

RORY

You'd tell me, right?

LANE

Yes. No, I wouldn't because it would break your heart, but I haven't.

RORY

You swear? On the life of the lead singer of Blur?

LANE

On the soul of Nico, I swear to you that I have not seen Dean with another girl.

RORY

Okay.

LANE

He's miserable.

RORY

Fine.

LANE

Suicidal.

RORY

Good.

LANE

And in desperate need of haircutting.

RORY

Thank you.

TRISTIN

You should decorate this thing.

RORY

I did.

TRISTIN

Well I mean with something other than a bunch of dead black and white women.

RORY

What, like curtains?

TRISTIN

You know what I mean. I did mine up.

RORY

Yeah, I saw that. The naked picture of the Siamese twins is particularly classy.

TRISTIN

You know what these are? (holds up two tickets)

RORY

They look like tickets.

TRISTIN

To PJ Harvey.

RORY

Wow, you have good taste. I'll give you that.

TRISTIN

You're into PJ Harvey, right?

RORY

Yeah, how'd you know?

TRISTIN

Why, I'm all knowing.

RORY

How Godlike of you.

TRISTIN

One of these is for you.

RORY

Oh, I don't think we should go to a concert together.

TRISTIN

Reason?

RORY

It would seem like a date.

TRISTIN

Well it would seem like a date because it would be a date.

RORY

I can't date you Tristin.

TRISTIN

Well I give you permission.

RORY

And on that humble note.

MADELINE

Oh, Rory, favor, big one. Look at the face.

RORY

Sure, what?

MADELINE

Can I get your biology notes from Tuesday, I was out.

LOUISE

To lunch.

MADELINE

Please.

RORY

Sure, I have them at home. I can bring them later.

MADELINE

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

PARIS

One more and you're done.

MADELINE

Thank you.

MADELINE

So I've decided I'm now completely into Judy Garland. Did you see the TV movie? Pretty intense.

LOUISE

I think they used my mother's medicine cabinet in that.

MADELINE

She was the Courtney Love of her day.

PARIS

Show me a trend and I'll show you Madeline.

MADELINE

Judy Garland is trendy?

PARIS

Completely.

LOUISE

She was neo-addict retro chic.

MADELINE

No one tells me these things.

PARIS

Hi.

TRISTIN

Hey.

MADELINE

Ooh, what are those?

TRISTIN

Oh, PJ Harvey tickets.

LOUISE

Really?

MADELINE

Cool.

LOUISE

Who are you going with?

TRISTIN

Rory.

PARIS

What?

LOUISE

Rory's going out with you?

TRISTIN

Yes, she is. (Tristin walks away)

MADELINE

Wow, I didn't think she liked him.

LOUISE

Neither did I.

LOUISE

Hm, do you think she's mad?

PARIS

What are you two waiting for, a tram? Let's move!

MADELINE

Oh yeah, she's mad.

MISS PATTY

Flutter flutter, quick quick, flutter flutter, quick quick. And your hearts are broken, your prince has betrayed you, you've been shot with an arrow, and now . . you're dead.

LORELAI

Hi Patty.

RACHEL

Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hey Rachel.

RACHEL

Hey, have you seen Luke around?

LORELAI

Oh, he's probably at the diner.

RACHEL

Nope, he's supposed to be at the diner, but he's not.

LORELAI

Oh, well . .

RACHEL

We were supposed to meet for lunch, but he didn't show.

LORELAI

Oh.

RACHEL

Again.

LORELAI

Ah.

RACHEL

I made tuna.

LORELAI

Nice.

RACHEL

Yeah, yeah, he usually comes back upstairs for a break between lunch and dinner, but recently he's been other places. Uh, your place actually.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, well, Rachel, he's just fixing some things.

RACHEL

I know.

LORELAI

The porch rail, a couple roof shingles, then the porch rail again after he fell off the roof onto to the porch rail.

RACHEL

Yeah, yeah, he's been telling me

LORELAI

Good.

RACHEL

Look if you see him can you tell him to just, I don't know, check in.

LORELAI

Yes, will do.

RACHEL

Thanks.

LORELAI

Thanks.

RACHEL

Bye.

LORELAI

Bye.

LORELAI

Hello?

LORELAI

Hold it right there! Oh! Oh!

LUKE

It's only me!

LORELAI

You scared me half to death!

LUKE

Who'd you think it was?

LORELAI

Well, I don't know! I heard some thudding upstairs and Rory weighs like ten ounces, and it either had to be an escaped elephant, or some strange large man who should not be in the house. How did you get in here anyway?

LUKE

Through the back door.

LORELAI

The back door's locked.

LUKE

No, that's why I came, the back door lock was broken.

LORELAI

The back door lock was fine.

LUKE

The back door lock was cheap.

LORELAI

The back door lock came with the house. It's been a very fine back door lock.

LUKE

It's the kind of lock burglars look for.

LORELAI

Why do burglars look for that lock?

LUKE

Because it's easy to break into. I proved that.

LORELAI

You proved that by . . .?

LUKE

Breaking in through the back door.

LORELAI

Oh my God!

LUKE

It's the only way I could get in.

LORELAI

You have crossed over into the dark side Luke.

LUKE

It's not that big a deal.

LORELAI

UH! You broke into my house!

LUKE

I'm gonna fix it!

LORELAI

Ugh! Step away from that lock.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Get off. Come. Sit down. (Luke and Lorelai both sit at the kitchen table) You have almost no free time with all your work at the diner, and lately every spare moment has been spent not with Rachel.

LUKE

That's not true.

LORELAI

Oh, she was looking for you today and she didn't know where you were.

LUKE

I'm not hiding from her.

LORELAI

I didn't say you were hiding from her.

LUKE

Sounded like you were implying it.

LORELAI

Well someone's sensitive about the accusation.

LUKE

I think I'm hiding from her.

LORELAI

I think you are too.

LUKE

It's just a little weird having her in my place.

LORELAI

I thought that's what you wanted.

LUKE

It was. Is. I'm just. . I've just been living alone since forever. And I just got use to putting the milk someplace in the fridge and finding it in the exact same spot. You know what I mean?

LORELAI

Oh, we don't even keep milk in the house.

LUKE

Well, then cookies.

LORELAI

Cookies almost never make it out of the car.

LUKE

You know what I mean.

LORELAI

Yeah. Well maybe you can train Rachel to use a magic marker to mark the milk exactly where you left it.

LUKE

It's not just about milk. I'm not used to someone expecting me.

LORELAI

Expecting you to. . .

LUKE

Come home, do things, be with her.

LORELAI

Aw, most people would kill to have that in their lives.

LUKE

I know, but I'm different, I'm a loner.

LORELAI

Oh no. No no. I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner.

LUKE

Some guys are just naturally loners.

LORELAI

Yes, lonely guys.

LUKE

Independent guys.

LORELAI

Sad guys.

LUKE

Maverick guys.

LORELAI

Lee Harvey Oswald.

LUKE

John Muir.

LORELAI

The unabomber.

LUKE

Henry David Thoreau

LORELAI

Every one of these sad and lonely guys.

LUKE

It just not what I thought it would be like having Rachel back. You know, it's not the fantasy I was toting around all these years.

LORELAI

Well, Luke, life is not a fantasy. Maybe you have to lower your expectation bar a little bit.

LUKE

So you're saying that life is just settling for whatever comes along?

LORELAI

Wow, you think having Rachel is settling?

LUKE

No, I didn't mean that. Rachel's great.

LORELAI

And she's crazy about you. And if her worst trait is she's a milk whore, you have it pretty good.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

And you just need to give this situation a fair chance.

LUKE

I know.

LORELAI

And that starts with ceasing work on the Winchester mystery house here.

LUKE

Okay. Thanks.

LORELAI

You're welcome.

CLARA

Hi.

RORY

Oh, hi. How are you today?

CLARA

Fine.

RORY

Good, good.

CLARA

Are you here to see my brother?

RORY

Oh, no. No. Not at all. I'm, um, with . . the Girl Scouts.

CLARA

I'm gonna be a Girl Scout someday. I'm a brownie now.

RORY

Oh, well good, that's an excellent stepping stone.

CLARA

Where's your uniform?

RORY

Oh we're not doing uniforms anymore. You know, we're trying to blend in, relate better to the average person. It was a very successful strategy for the Hari Krishnas, so. . .

CLARA

You look like someone.

RORY

I do?

CLARA

You're the girl in the pictures.

RORY

What pictures?

CLARA

The ones Dean has in his room.

RORY

Dean has pictures in his room?

CLARA

There's a funny one of you sticking out your tongue. He had a lot.

RORY

Wait, wait, has or had?

CLARA

What?

RORY

You went from has to had, that's a big difference.

CLARA

It is?

RORY

Yeah. What's your name?

CLARA

Clara.

RORY

You're a pretty girl, Clara.

CLARA

Thanks.

RORY

Now was it has or had?

CLARA

I don't know.

RORY

You do know Clara. Had is past tense. Has is present. Now think.

CLARA

I'm trying.

RORY

Can you go to his room now?

CLARA

He doesn't like me in his room.

RORY

Sneak in, he'll never no.

RORY

Oh, no no no, Clara, don't cry. Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm a nice person. I'm a Girl Scout.

DEAN

Clara?

RORY

Bye!

DEAN

What's the matter?

CLARA

She sacred me.

DEAN

Who?

CLARA

The Girl Scout.

MAX

Okay, we've got food, drink, reading material, chocolate covered espresso beans. Have I left anything out?

RORY

I think that about covers it.

LORELAI

You're such a good provider.

MAX

I try my best.

LORELAI

Are you sure you wanna go to this thing?

MAX

You've been talking about these town meetings for months. I've got to see one for myself.

LORELAI

Well, they're never dull.

RORY

And if you're lucky, you'll see some crazy lady throwing French fries at the people she disagrees with like last time.

MAX

So were they cold?

LORELAI

No, I was just full.

MAX

Ah. Oh, oh, I forgot. (Max pulls out 2 RingPops of the bag) One for you and one for you.

RORY

What are these?

MAX

Those are rings. And the diamond is actually candy so you can eat it.

LORELAI

Max, that's very sweet, but we're not eight.

LORELAI

What do you got?

RORY

Grape. Yours?

LORELAI

Red

RORY

Trade you!

LORELAI

Yes!

TAYLOR

Enough, enough of this arguing. Its time to put this to a vote. All right now, let's see a show of hands. All those in favor. . . .

LORELAI

Oh rats. It started already.

TAYLOR

All those opposed. (Lorelai raises her hand) Lorelai, you don't even know what were voting on.

LORELAI

Yeah, but I'm a-gin it!

TAYLOR

All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.

LORELAI

No, Taylor its not. Its, um, diapers for the little ones.

TAYLOR

What?

LORELAI

Dorsal fins and cucamonga.

TAYLOR

What did she say

LORELAI

(whispers to Max)

I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?

TAYLOR

All right, I'd like to open the meeting up for miscellaneous issues.

TROUBADOUR

I have an issue.

TAYLOR

Who are you?

TROUBADOUR

The town troubadour.

TAYLOR

The what?

BABETTE

You've seen him Taylor, with his guitar.

TAYLOR

Right, the guitar.

MISS PATTY

Yes, he plays on all the street corners.

LUKE

He loiters on street corners.

TAYLOR

We're two peas in a pod Luke.

LUKE

Scary thought Taylor.

BABETTE

Go on honey.

TROUBADOUR

Thank you. I've been the town troubadour for six months now, and I think I've done a pretty good job and then, he shows up (points to other troubadour).

TROUBADOUR 2

Hey.

TROUBADOUR 1

And there's no room for a second troubadour in Stars Hollow.

MOREY

Clearly.

TAYLOR

This is hands down the silliest thing I have ever heard.

LORELAI

Hear them out Taylor. It can't hurt. (Taylor looks at the bag she's holding in her hand) These are not fries. They are farfignugen sugen dugen.

TAYLOR

I opened the floor for issues of substance. This does not qualify.

MOREY

Note beyond cool Taylor. Music is substance.

TAYLOR

Watch out Morey. After that anatomically explicit epithet your wife yelled at me earlier, you're both on probation.

TROUBADOUR 1

All I'm asking is that the town troubadour laws be enforced.

TAYLOR

There are no town troubadour laws.

MISS PATTY

There ought to be something.

KIRK

I've got the town handbook right here.

TAYLOR

I don't get this people. This man is practically a vagrant. I mean, where do you even live? What do you do for a living?

TROUBADOUR 1

I don't want people to know those things!

TAYLOR

Why not?

TROUBADOUR 1

Because that's part of being a troubadour.

TAYLOR

What is part of being a troubadour?

TROUBADOUR 1

The mystique!

TAYLOR

Oh, this is absolutely ridiculous. Do you subscribe to this troubadour mystique?

TROUBADOUR 2

I run a Kinko's in Groton.

TROUBADOUR 1

You see, that proves it. He doesn't respect the code. You're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to run a Kinko's. You're supposed to speak through your music. That's the whole point.

TAYLOR

What is your scam buddy?

TROUBADOUR 1

My scam?

TAYLOR

Because if you are using the fine people of Stars Holow to make a quick buck . . .

MISS PATTY

No Taylor, he doesn't accept money. I know, I tried.

TAYLOR

He may not now, but he will. This troubadour act is a money making scheme. Why else would he be doing it?

RORY

Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever. (Brief pause. She puts her hand on Troubadour 1's shoulder.) So give this guy a license. (Applause)

LORELAI

Well, I liked that little speech.

CLARA

(whispers to Dean)

That's the Girl Scout.

TAYLOR

In the interest of not talking about this subject for another second, I hereby designate 'Mystique Guy' over here the official town troubadour. And no other troubadour may usurp his territory, meaning this other guy.

LORELAI

Do you want some fries? We have extra.

LUKE

Nah, Rachel's minding the store so I should probably get going.

LORELAI

Yeah, I agree.

LUKE

I knew you would.

RACHEL

Oh, you're back.

LUKE

Yeah, nothing much pressing at the town meeting.

RACHEL

Okay. Well, the bread shipment's all put away, and I sent Caesar home since it was pretty dead.

LUKE

Good. Good call.

RACHEL

Thanks.

LUKE

So you're leaving huh?

RACHEL

Yeah.

LUKE

Were you even gonna tell me?

RACHEL

I was waiting for you to get back so I could say goodbye.

LUKE

Yeah, you at least always do that. So go.

RACHEL

Don't you even want to know why?

LUKE

I know why.

RACHEL

I don't think you do.

LUKE

It's just like all the other times Rachel. You're the anywhere but here girl, you're restless, you're bored, it is what it is.

RACHEL

That's not it.

LUKE

Then what is it? Is there another guy?

RACHEL

No.

LUKE

Then what?

RACHEL

It's another girl.

LUKE

What? You telling me you're. . .

RACHEL

The other girl isn't for me Luke, it's for you.

LUKE

Okay. Now that's crazy.

RACHEL

Yeah?

LUKE

Yeah.

RACHEL

No.

LUKE

You feel you need a different excuse this time to mix things up a little, fine. But you are not leaving because of me.

RACHEL

I'm sure you tried Luke. But admit it, you're heart wasn't in it.

LUKE

My heart was in it. I was here, I didn't leave. . . .I don't get this.

RACHEL

Luke.

LUKE

And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? (Rachel stares at him) Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times.

RACHEL

No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then.

LUKE

Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. . .

RACHEL

I'm gonna go. I'll miss you (she hugs him goodbye) Stay in touch.

LUKE

Rachel, come on.

RACHEL

So don't wait too long okay.

LUKE

To what?

RACHEL

To tell her. (Rachel leaves.)

RORY

Hey Madeline. I've got the notes you wanted.

MADELINE

No thanks.

RORY

No these are the ones you asked for. The biology notes from Tuesday. The other day you said you. . .

MADELINE

No thanks.

RORY

But. . What's wrong with her?

LOUISE

Nothing's wrong with her Mary.

RORY

Mary? Oh no, not this Virgin Mary thing again.

LOUISE

Not virgin. Typhoid.

RORY

What?

PARIS

You know, when we met at the beginning of the year, I didn't like you because I thought you were some rube from the sticks and I have no patience for rubes.

RORY

How very enlightening.

PARIS

But then I discovered that you're not so dumb. You even seemed modestly interesting at times. That's when I made a very big mistake. I let my guard down. That won't happen again.

RORY

What is all this about?

PARIS

It's about using people for your own sick ends. It's about making enemies where you should have made friends.

RORY

How did I make you my enemy?

PARIS

Oh I think you know.

RORY

What? Was it setting you up with Tristin? I'm sorry about that. I thought I was just being nice.

PARIS

Oh sure you did.

RORY

I helped you get ready. I loaned you my mother's clothes, which I still haven't gotten back by the way.

PARIS

Oh my God, you're right. I hope those weren't the ones Skippy had her puppies on. I'll check when I get home.

RORY

Tell me what I did. Paris!

PARIS

Think about it at PJ Harvey.

RORY

Is that what this is about? I'm not going to PJ Harvey.

PARIS

Tristin says you are.

RORY

Well, then he lied.

PARIS

I saw the tickets.

RORY

He bought those tickets on his own.

PARIS

Look, I'm over Tristin so don't back out on my account.

RORY

There's nothing to back out of.

PARIS

I don't have time for things like concerts anyway. I'm already lining up my extracurriculars for next year. By the way, are you still going out for the school paper?

RORY

You know I am.

PARIS

You're going to need a faculty recommendation.

RORY

I think I can swing it.

PARIS

And the support of the student editor.

RORY

I'm not worried.

PARIS

Worry. I just got the job.

RORY

Oh. Congratulations.

PARIS

Thank you. And don't worry, you'll have some role. How's covering the new parking lot landscaping sound?

RORY

Peachy.

PARIS

Too bad I already filled the spot for music coverage. You know, record reviewing and such. You'd have been perfect for it. I gave the job to Louise.

RORY

Louise owns two CDs.

PARIS

Yeah. Well, gotta go. Have a really good summer.

LORELAI

You're annoyingly on time again! Ugh. Okay, stairs then shoes, stairs then shoes. (Opens front door) Oh hi.

LUKE

Hey. You're all dressed up.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm going out.

LUKE

Oh sorry. I forgot my toolbox so I just thought I'd come pick it up.

LORELAI

Oh yeah. It's right over here. Rory and I couldn't lift it or we would've brought it to you and then we got used to having it here, so we named it Bert and we'd say Goodnight Bert and it'd say Goodnight girls and we spend too much time home alone.

LUKE

Well, thanks for taking care of it.

LORELAI

Our pleasure.

LUKE

So Rachel left.

LORELAI

What!

LUKE

Last night. She left. For good.

LORELAI

Oh no, Luke I'm so sorry. What happened?

LUKE

Ah, it's hard to explain.

LORELAI

I can't believe it. I thought she was really in it for the long haul this time.

LUKE

Yeah well, she had her reasons.

LORELAI

Really? What?

MAX

Hello? I'd tried to be late.

LORELAI

Oh and an utter failure at one minute past.

LORELAI

Um, so uh, Max Medina this is Luke Danes. Luke owns the diner. He has the greatest coffee.

MAX

Oh right. I saw you at the town meeting

LUKE

Yeah I saw you too.

MAX

Nice to meet you.

LUKE

Uh huh.

MAX

Mm hmm. So, we should be going.

LORELAI

Oh yeah.

LUKE

Yeah, I 'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.

LORELAI

Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.

LUKE

Yes we will.

MAX

Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.

LORELAI

No, I meant not tonight.

MAX

Oh, I misunderstood.

LORELAI

I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.

LUKE

Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.

MAX

Well sure, you've got the coffee.

LUKE

And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.

LORELAI

Tomorrow.

LUKE

Same time as always.

MAX

I'd count on a little later.

LUKE

Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.

LORELAI

Bye. (Luke leaves.)

MAX

So are we going?

LORELAI

Uh, yeah. Just wanted to make sure you two were through swinging those things around. Someone's bound to lose an eye.

MAX

What are you talking about?

LORELAI

Nothing. I'll get my purse.

MAX

So not to be blunt, but is that over?

LORELAI

Is what over?

MAX

Whatever's going on that I just walked in on.

LORELAI

Oh Max, come on, that's Luke.

MAX

I kind of picked something up there.

LORELAI

Okay. Well, drop it back on the ground and kick it under the couch, because there is no there there.

MAX

Hey, it's okay. I mean, we were apart for quite a while. I never assumed you joined a convent.

LORELAI

Max.

MAX

I mean, it's not like I didn't date while we were apart.

LORELAI

You dated?

MAX

A little.

LORELAI

A little person?

MAX

No, I dated a little.

LORELAI

Okay. Well, I didn't expect you to join a manvent or whatever the male equivalent of that is called. Who did you date?

MAX

A monastery.

LORELAI

You dated a monastery?

MAX

No, a monastery is the male equivalent of a convent.

LORELAI

Thank you Mr. Medina. I'll make a note for the quiz on Friday.

MAX

I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.

LORELAI

No, I get it. Yes. We were apart. And, uh, you know, I didn't exactly remain inactive.

MAX

So you did date Luke?

LORELAI

No, I did not date Luke.

MAX

You can tell me.

LORELAI

I did not date Luke.

MAX

There was a vibe.

LORELAI

There was no vibe. What is with the questioning? You won't tell me who you dated.

MAX

There's no one you know.

LORELAI

Okay, well, did you date like casual nothing type dating or did you date like get down, soul train kind of a dating?

MAX

Well, I wouldn't have phrased it that way, but to be honest, it was the latter.

LORELAI

Good, good. Okay. Well, I like your honesty. Because I mean you could've lied and left that part out to spare my feelings which would've been unnecessary. So thank you, that was good. I slept with Rory's dad.

MAX

Let's change the subject.

LORELAI

On my parents' balcony.

MAX

I want to change the subject.

LORELAI

Okay, well you started it.

MAX

I did not mean for this to become a who slept with whom contest.

LORELAI

Well, how did it get that way?

MAX

I don't know. Why do we do this? Why do we let it get weird between us just when it's getting good again?

LORELAI

I don't know.

MAX

I don't like it.

LORELAI

I don't either.

MAX

And I'm sick of it.

LORELAI

Well, so am I.

MAX

We can't keep getting this close just to have something completely derail us again. And frankly there's only one thing I can think of that could solve it.

LORELAI

Break up.

MAX

Ugh.

LORELAI

Well, I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing. .

MAX

We should get married.

LORELAI

Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not.

MAX

I am not kidding.

LORELAI

Good clue.

MAX

What do you say?

LORELAI

Nothing. Max, you did not just propose to me.

MAX

Yes I did.

LORELAI

No. A proposal had to be something more than the desperate desire to end a bickering match.

MAX

It was more than that.

LORELAI

No, it has to be planned. It should be magical. There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle buildup to the popping of the big question. There should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse and I don't know what the horse is doing there unless you're riding it, which seems a little over the top, but it should be more than this.

MAX

You're right.

LORELAI

I am right.

MAX

I'm sorry.

LORELAI

It's okay.

MAX

Let's start the evening over.

LORELAI

Ding dong.

MAX

Oh, now I'm five minutes late.

LORELAI

Well, you're making good progress.

MAX

Let's go?

LORELAI

Bye bye Bert.

TRISTIN

So I'm a little tired of this game.

RORY

What game?

TRISTIN

Are we meeting there or what?

RORY

What are you talking about?

TRISTIN

The concert's tonight.

RORY

Well I hope you and the empty seat next to you have a lot of fun.

TRISTIN

I'm started to get a little irritated here.

RORY

So am I.

TRISTIN

What are you mad about?

RORY

You've been telling everyone that I'm going to this thing with you.

TRISTIN

Just a couple.

RORY

You told Paris. Paris and I had just started getting along and now she hates me again.

TRISTIN

Well, the damage is done. You might as well go to PJ Harvey with me.

RORY

Never never. I am never going anywhere with you ever.

TRISTIN

You know, these tickets cost me a fortune.

RORY

They cost your daddy a fortune.

TRISTIN

I don't even know anybody else who's even into this stupid guy.

RORY

PJ Harvey's a woman.

RORY

What are you doing?

TRISTIN

You'll get them back when you agree to go with me.

RORY

You're pathetic Tristin. Keep the books. I'm leaving. (Sees Dean in the parking lot) Dean? (Walks towards him) Dean. What are you doing here?

DEAN

I'm leaving.

RORY

Don't go.

DEAN

I shouldn't have come.

RORY

No wait.

DEAN

I feel like an idiot.

RORY

Why?

DEAN

'Cause I come all the way out here and I see you with him. That's just great.

RORY

No, Tristin was just . . .

DEAN

I don't care.

RORY

No listen.

DEAN

He's got your books Rory.

RORY

But he took them and wouldn't give them back. Please just tell me why you're here.

DEAN

I don't even know.

RORY

Yes you do.

DEAN

'Cause I thought you . . Forget it.

RORY

No say it.

DEAN

I thought you were trying to talk to me.

RORY

Oh.

DEAN

I mean, you came to my house.

RORY

That wasn't me.

DEAN

It was you.

RORY

It must've been someone that looked like me.

DEAN

My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.

RORY

In what box?

DEAN

The box of stuff I have of us. Pictures and letters and everything from you.

RORY

You have a Rory box?

DEAN

And what was going on at the town meeting, all that stuff about writing a song?

RORY

I don't know what I was talking about.

DEAN

That had nothing to do with me? Well I must have imagined it all then. Your boyfriend's waiting.

RORY

He's not my boyfriend. I hate him.

DEAN

Whatever.

RORY

Dean.

DEAN

What.

RORY

Stop.

DEAN

Why.

RORY

Because I love you, you idiot.

MICHEL

Do you understand what I'm trying to explain to you? Do you speak English? Are you listening to me? Ah, what took you?

LORELAI

Sorry, I got here as quickly as I could. Hi Kirk.

MICHEL

Do not address him. He's a scoundrel.

KIRK

I'm just doing my job.

LORELAI

What's going on?

MICHEL

Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?

LORELAI

Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.

KIRK

I'm just doing my job.

MICHEL

Stop saying that.

LORELAI

This has to do with flowers we ordered?

MICHEL

Flowers we did not order.

KIRK

I'm just doing my job.

MICHEL

Say that one more time and I'm going to punch your nose.

LORELAI

It must be a mistake.

KIRK

There's no mistake.

MICHEL

I did not order these flowers.

KIRK

It says that you have to be here to personally accept them.

LORELAI

That I have to be here? Well that's. . . .

MICHEL

I am head man in charge of flowers.

KIRK

I just do what I'm told.

MICHEL

I warned you to stop saying that.

KIRK

That's not what I was saying before.

MICHEL

It is a little variation that will still lead to a punch on the nose.

MICHEL

Daisies no less. As if I would order these pitiful little things. Foul things, these daisies. And just a notch up from weeds. And look how many. I mean, there must be at least. . .

LORELAI

A thousand of them. A thousand yellow daisies.

KIRK

That's right. There's exactly a thousand of them. The order states that there is to be exactly 1000. Not 1001, not 999, but 1000. You ask for 1000, I bring 1000. I don't question the orders. I merely fill them.

MICHEL

Job well done, Mr. Adolph Eichmann.

MAX

I couldn't find a horse.

LORELAI

You didn't have to.

MAX

Don't say anything, okay, please. You were right last night. I shouldn't have proposed to you like that. It was stupid. It was the wrong place, and the wrong time, and I kicked myself the entire night for doing it. But you were wrong about something too. I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. We're in a bad pattern Lorelai and we have to break it. And other than that murder suicide thing you were talking about, which would be illegal and messy, I can only think to be impetuous.

LORELAI

Max.

MAX

No, listen, I woke up this morning and I realized that I have studied and talked a great literature all my life and those stories are replete with characters that let opportunities slip by. But what I teach is more than just literature, its lessons in life. And if I don't follow the tenants of those lessons, I'm not the man I thought I was. The man I want to be.

LORELAI

God, you talk so good.

MAX

I don't want an answer now. I've thought about this. I want you to do the same. I love you Lorelai Gilmore. And I know this to be true. I'll talk to you later. (They both hang up)

LORELAI

Oh my . . .

LORELAI

Rory!

LUKE

Geesh, you made me spill.

LORELAI

Sorry! Uh, she's not here?

LUKE

No, what's the matter?

LORELAI

I sent her a message to meet me here at 7 and she's supposed to meet me here at 7, so what time is it?

LUKE

Seven.

KIRK

I'm damp. (Luke throws a towel on Kirk's table)

LORELAI

Where is she?

LUKE

Calm down, is everything okay?

LORELAI

Yes, maybe, I think so. I don't know.

LUKE

So what's going on?

LORELAI

Big things. Big potentially life-changing things.

LUKE

You get a promotion?

LORELAI

Oh yeah, they made me head salesman of the Northwest Territories. No I run an inn, there's no place to promote me too.

LUKE

So it's nothing to do with work?

LORELAI

Where is she?

LUKE

Have some coffee while you wait.

LORELAI

No, I couldn't take coffee, big hole, through the roof, very bad.

LUKE

You're saying no to coffee. This is big. Can't tell me what it is?

LORELAI

I just really need to tell Rory first.

LUKE

But you're happy about this news.

LORELAI

I might be. Maybe. It's just kind of a, wow I can't believe this is happening to me kind of a mindblowing moment. . (pager beeps) Oh there she is! I'm gonna go (hands Luke a daisy) The whole town gets one today.

LUKE

Bye

LORELAI/RORY

You first! (They laugh) You first!