T1E19: “Emily in Wonderland”

RORY

Grandma, can I have some baby pictures of you and Grandpa?

EMILY

Any particular reason?

RORY

Yeah, we're doing this visual family history project for school.

EMILY

Oh. Well, if it's for school I suppose I could dig something up.

RORY

And I need some of Mom too.

LORELAI

I thought we already had this conversation.

RORY

Yeah, but I don't believe you.

LORELAI

Mother tell her.

EMILY

I don't have any baby pictures of your mother.

LORELAI

Thank you.

RORY

How could you not have any baby pictures of Mom?

EMILY

Because when your mother was seven, I came downstairs and found her burning all of her baby pictures.

RORY

Why would you do that? I'm sure you were a cute baby.

EMILY

She was. She was very cute.

LORELAI

Four, three, two, one.

EMILY

In most respects.

LORELAI

Then we have lift off.

RORY

What does that mean?

LORELAI

Nothing.

EMILY

I don't see what the problem is. You certainly grew into it.

RORY

Grown into what?

EMILY

As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.

LORELAI

The best thing about it was that she would tell me constantly. My first complete sentence was, "Big head want dolly."

RORY

I can't imagine it being that bad.

EMILY

It wasn't. It just affected her balance a little so...

LORELAI

Okay, can we please talk about something besides my formerly huge head?

RORY

Are these new chairs Grandma?

EMILY

Why, yes Rory, they are.

LORELAI

They are?

EMILY

I got them from a dealer up in Maine last summer. He just finished restoring them.

LORELAI

They look exactly like the old ones.

RORY

They're nice.

LORELAI

Are you sure they're new?

EMILY

Of course I'm sure. I bought them.

LORELAI

I don't see any difference at all.

EMILY

Well, the arch in the back is higher and they have a completely different leg.

LORELAI

Hmm, no difference.

EMILY

Of course I could only get ten of these, so I'm two chairs short of a set.

LORELAI

You're telling me.

EMILY

Lorelai, do you realize how rare these chairs are?

LORELAI

No.

EMILY

I've searched for three years or them. I've combed every fine antique store on the East Coast and this is all I could find. I blame Peg Mosley.

LORELAI

Hm, Peg Mosley. Evil, evil woman.

RORY

What did Peg Mosley do?

LORELAI

She lured these two German children to her gingerbread house and then she tried to eat them. Pass the artichokes please.

EMILY

I made the mistake of telling Peg all my favorite special spots and that woman moved in and completely wiped them out. You can't find a decent Biedermayer hutch in all of Connecticut. I'm desperate for new sources.

RORY

What about Kim's Antiques?

EMILY

What's Kim's Antiques?

LORELAI

Didn't that burn down?

RORY

My best friend Lane, her parents have this great antiques store in Stars Hollow.

EMILY

Is that so? (To Lorelai) Why haven't you ever told me about it?

LORELAI

Oh, I don't know Mom. I guess it just got lost in my big head.

RORY

Maybe you should come to Stars Hollow and I'll take you there. Like Saturday. You can come see the town.

EMILY

Well, won't you have to study?

RORY

I can put off studying for one day.

LORELAI

I'm working.

EMILY

No one is asking you to do anything Lorelai. This is between Rory and me. I accept your offer Rory. I would love to spend Saturday with you.

RORY

Great.

LORELAI

Well, I'm just sorry that I'm gonna miss it.

EMILY

Eat your artichoke Lorelai.

LUKE

Okay, French toast with bacon crispy. Pancakes, two eggs over easy.

LORELAI

Oh.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

You put the eggs on top of the pancakes.

RORY

Oops.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Yeah, well, it's like two eyes staring at me. See, I can't eat it like this.

RORY

Hence the oops.

LUKE

What are you talking about? You always order the same thing.

LORELAI

Yeah, but you usually put the eggs on the side so that my breakfast is not ogling me.

LUKE

It's the same food.

LORELAI

Hmm, yeah, I need the eggs put on the side.

LUKE

You want a brand new plate.

LORELAI

Yes.

LUKE

How about if I take this plate in the back, I take the eggs off the pancakes, I put the same eggs on the side and bring the plate back out. What happens then?

LORELAI

Then I can eat my breakfast.

LUKE

It's the same food just a different configuration.

LORELAI

I won't know that.

LUKE

I'm gonna take the plate in the back.

LORELAI

So what time does the judgmental express arrive?

RORY

Grandma gets here at noon.

LORELAI

Hmm.

RORY

Are you sure you won't do lunch?

LORELAI

Oh no, I can't, lunch is bad.

RACHEL

Lorelai, you're here. Good. Don't move.

LORELAI

I won't.

RORY

What are you doing at lunch?

LORELAI

Oh, I have very important things to do.

RORY

Like what?

LORELAI

Well, at noon I have to not have lunch with my mother.

RORY

Very nice.

RACHEL

So I'm developing my pictures from the Firelight Festival. Some amazing stuff. And I'm thinking maybe there's a book here, faces of small town America...

LORELAI

Ah, you should feel safe, you don't live near these people.

RACHEL

Exactly. And the very last shot on my roll was this.

LORELAI

Wow. When did you take this?

RACHEL

When you weren't looking.

LUKE

What's that?

LORELAI

Oh, it's a picture of us.

LUKE

Us?

RORY

Rachel took it.

RACHEL

At the Firelight Festival.

LUKE

Oh, sure, yeah. (hands Lorelai the plate.) So, uh, here's your plate, no eyes.

LORELAI

Thank you.

RACHEL

Do you wear contacts?

LORELAI

Me? No.

RACHEL

God, you've got amazing eyes. Doesn't she?

LUKE

Oh, yeah. Sure, I guess... I mean, they're, you know, placed good... symmetrical. I'm gonna get some more coffee.

RACHEL

Yeah.

RORY

Oh wow. Mom, look at this.

LORELAI

What is that?

RACHEL

It's an old abandoned inn I ran across when I was exploring the other day.

LORELAI

This is Dragonfly. I totally forgot about this place.

RACHEL

Well, it doesn't look like it's been operational in years.

RORY

Look at all the trees. It's pretty. Oh, I'm buzzing. (takes her pager out of her pocket)

LORELAI

What have I said about buzzing in public?

RORY

It's Lane. 911. That's trig. Gotta go.

LORELAI

Bye. Take a ... yeah.

RORY

Bye Rachel.

RACHEL

Bye. (Rory leaves.) See, that is one really not annoying kid.

LORELAI

Yes, she really is not.

RACHEL

See, I might consider doing the whole mom thing if I could be guaranteed that I could get one just like her.

LORELAI

Oh you can, you just have to go to Sears. God, where is this again?

RACHEL

Uh, it's kind of behind the mill. You go over the little footbridge with the mean duck family living under it.

LORELAI

Yes, the Armbrusters. Wow, it's really amazing.

RACHEL

Do you want to see it?

LORELAI

What?

RACHEL

The inn. I'm gonna head out that way in a little while.

LORELAI

Oh, well...

RACHEL

Come on, finish your breakfast. I'll drive us out there.

LUKE

Drive her out where?

RACHEL

Oh, Lorelai and I are going to cruise the docks.

LORELAI

Yeah, we're gonna see how many sailors we can get to tattoo our names on their butts.

RACHEL

So what do you think?

LORELAI

Well, I have to check in at the inn first.

RACHEL

Well that's okay. Good. I'll pick you up there.

LORELAI

Okay. Good.

LUKE

So what was all about?

LORELAI

Oh nothing. We're just gonna go check out this old inn Rachel found.

LUKE

Hmm.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Nothing. I didn't know you guys were friends.

LORELAI

Hm, well we're not really friends. I mean, I don't know her that well. But we're just hanging out. She seems really great.

LUKE

Oh yeah, she is. She's great. She's just, you know, a lot different from you.

LORELAI

'Cause I'm not really great?

LUKE

No, you're great. Just in a different way.

LORELAI

In a not really great way?

LUKE

That's not what I meant. The two of you are just completely different people. Both great, but I'm just a little surprised that, you know, you're different types of greatness are, you know, melding and you're comfortably great together.

LORELAI

Is this bothering you?

LUKE

This conversation, yes.

LORELAI

No. Um, the idea of Rachel and I hanging out together. Is there some reason that's weird for you or something?

LUKE

Why would it be?

LORELAI

No reason I can think of.

LUKE

Okay, well then it's not weird.

LORELAI

Good, well I was just checking.

LUKE

Okay, well then, you checked.

LORELAI

Okay. So are you gonna be pouring that coffee anytime or...

LUKE

Oh.

LORELAI

I'm glad it's not weird though because... (Luke overflows her coffee cup.) ...that would be bad.

LUKE

Oh, I'll get a rag.

LORELAI

Welcome Ichiro Motors to the Independence Inn. So the dining room is right through there. And breakfast is served 6 to 11:30, although our chef is an amazing overachiever and she'll be happy to prepare you anything you want any time of day. Now your itinerary for the conference will be in each of your rooms. And if you have any questions at all, just please feel free to ask, uh ... (gestures toward Michel at the counter.)

MICHEL

No. (Michel walks away)

LORELAI

... somebody else. Not him. Okay, so ask Roger. Roger will be happy to help you. Thanks so much.

LORELAI

Rune is in the lobby.

SOOKIE

Lorelai, hello. I made some coffee.

LORELAI

Rune is in the lobby.

SOOKIE

Oh, I also made those little orange glazed muffins you like with warm cinnamon butter.

LORELAI

Sookie, Rune is in the lobby.

SOOKIE

Uh huh.

LORELAI

Why?

SOOKIE

Your muffin's getting cold.

LORELAI

My muffin's fine. My muffin wants to know what the fruitcake is doing in the lobby.

SOOKIE

Well, he's staying with Jackson.

LORELAI

Again?

SOOKIE

Still.

LORELAI

I thought he was only here for a weekend.

SOOKIE

Yes, the lost weekend.

LORELAI

Okay. Explain Yoko, because he's out there with the normal people and he's going to scare them

SOOKIE

He won't leave.

LORELAI

Jackson's house?

SOOKIE

Yes. Jackson's house. He won't leave and it's driving me crazy.

LORELAI

Well tell Jackson to kick him out.

SOOKIE

Jackson won't do it.

LORELAI

Why not?

SOOKIE

Because he says it's family and somehow he feels responsible for him.

LORELAI

Well, okay yes, but has Jackson met him? I think that would change his mind.

SOOKIE

Apparently, Rune had a rough childhood. His parents don't talk to him, his brothers and sisters don't talk to him, no one talks to him.

LORELAI

So, then what's wrong with Jackson?

SOOKIE

I don't know. But he's determined to stand by him and I have to respect his decision.

LORELAI

Well, that part I can understand.

SOOKIE

Good.

LORELAI

But the part I can't understand is what is Rune doing in the lobby?

SOOKIE

Yeah, well, I don't ...

JACKSON

Lorelai.

LORELAI

Jackson.

JACKSON

These are for you.

LORELAI

For me?

JACKSON

Yeah and I also brought some of my raspberry peach jam. I think you're gonna like it. Put it on ice cream.

LORELAI

Okay.

JACKSON

Or take a graham cracker, spread a little on it, break up a chocolate bar, throw it in the broiler for a couple of minutes, and you're gonna be singing show tunes all evening.

LORELAI

Must be some good jam.

JACKSON

Yeah, well, it's just my way of saying thanks for helping out Rune.

LORELAI

Thanks for helping out Rune.

SOOKIE

Okay, I'm doing the spoon signal.

JACKSON

Oh, I didn't notice.

SOOKIE

Okay, I'm waving around like an idiot here.

JACKSON

So you haven't...

SOOKIE

No.

JACKSON

Ah.

SOOKIE

Yeah.

JACKSON

So I should ...

SOOKIE

Good idea.

JACKSON

Right. Um, enjoy the jam. (Jackson leaves)

LORELAI

Well, uh, would you mind explaining the thank you jam.

SOOKIE

Well, I was supposed to ask you something about Rune.

LORELAI

Like what?

SOOKIE

Well, he just not too long ago lost his job.

LORELAI

Oh, attitude problem?

SOOKIE

Something like that.

LORELAI

Uh huh.

SOOKIE

Anyway, when he lost his job, he couldn't pay his rent so then he got evicted. None of this was known to us when he came to stay with Jackson. I mean, but this is the situation. So I was thinking that if he could get another job and then he could save up some money and afford his own place and move out, and then I wouldn't end up stabbing him in the neck with a grapefruit spoon.

LORELAI

Ouch.

SOOKIE

Its gonna happen.

LORELAI

You want me to give him a job?

SOOKIE

Nothing important.

LORELAI

Oh good, 'cause I was gonna put him in charge of legal.

SOOKIE

I know it's a lot to ask, but I can't think of anything else.

LORELAI

What can he do?

SOOKIE

Lots of things! He's always fiddling around, using screws. Once I saw him use a hammer.

LORELAI

A hammer?

SOOKIE

I bet he could be a handyman. You are always looking for a good handyman.

LORELAI

Well I couldn't pay him very much.

SOOKIE

Well, that's okay. Maybe he could just work for, uh, room and board.

LORELAI

You want him to live here?

SOOKIE

No! Well, what about the old potting shed?

LORELAI

The old potting shed? That's where Rory and I lived when she was a baby. It has memories and little rosebud wallpaper. I don't want Boo Radley touching my rosebud wallpaper.

SOOKIE

The job is enough. You're right. He can save up money and eventually move out. I'll just have to deal with it.

LORELAI

The potting shed's fine.

SOOKIE

Really?

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

I love you!

LORELAI

But I swear to God Sookie, the minute the guests start complaining or disappearing, he's out of there.

SOOKIE

More than fair.

LORELAI

Mm, it's really good jam.

SOOKIE

Yeah. It is isn't it?

RORY

Grandma.

EMILY

Rory, hello. What a lovely day to... ugh. (Emily's heel gets caught in the grass.) I guess putting in a walkway never occurred to your mother.

RORY

Oh actually it occurs to her every day on the way to work. Here. (Rory helps pull her heel out of the grass.)

EMILY

Thank you.

RORY

Are your shoes okay?

EMILY

They're fine. Just a little muddy that's all.

RORY

Here give 'em. I'll clean them for you.

EMILY

Oh you don't have to do that.

RORY

My mom found this great shoe cleaner. It's gets out pretty much anything. Do you want something to drink, there should be some iced tea in the fridge.

EMILY

Iced tea would be nice. (opens fridge) Oh my god. There's nothing in here.

RORY

I know, it's a little sparse.

EMILY

It's the Grapes of Wrath.

RORY

Don't worry. We eat fine.

EMILY

No food, no drink. Do you at least have plates?

RORY

Yes, we have plates.

EMILY

There are women in bikinis on them.

RORY

The original Charlie's Angels. It took us years to get a complete set. You can find the Kate Jackson's and the Shelly Hack's pretty easily. Even the Cheryl Ladd's. But the Farrah Fawcett's and the Jacklyn Smith's are a little harder to come by, but still accessible. The real trick however is to find the Tanya Roberts. We have three.

EMILY

You have three Tanya Roberts?

RORY

Yup.

EMILY

And I was worried, silly me. (She puts the plate away) How are you doing with those shoes?

RORY

All done. (hands Emily the shoes)

EMILY

That's amazing. What is that you used?

RORY

I don't know. We got if off one of those late night TV ads. Apparently it also gets rust off nails and hinges, waxes your car perfectly, and weatherproofs windows and doors.

EMILY

Well, isn't that nice?

RORY

Okay, about today. I think I should just give you the grand tour of the town. So we can start by walking to Kim's Antiques, which takes us by all the good sites.

EMILY

Well, uh, Rory, I don't think I wore the right shoes for the grand tour. Why don't we just drive?

RORY

You can borrow some of my mom's shoes.

EMILY

Uh, no, I don't think so. Rory hold on a minute.

RORY

Grandma, you will be missing the true Stars Hollow experience if you don't walk. Trust me.

EMILY

All right, but I won't wear anything with rhinestones or zebra stripes or anything that has batteries or that sings or make animal noises or moves on its own.

RORY

Grandma, I got it.

LORELAI

Must have been something when it was all fixed up and nice.

RACHEL

Can I ask what the fascination with this place is?

LORELAI

Oh, well, me and my friend Sookie, we've been kind of toying with the idea of opening our own place together.

RACHEL

Really?

LORELAI

Yeah. I mean someday, obviously not now. We're still saving up.

RACHEL

Are you close?

LORELAI

No, not at all.

RACHEL

Well, this looks like this could be a great place.

LORELAI

Yeah it really does. God. A little paint, some pretty curtains, 150 thousand dollars of construction. We're open for business.

RACHEL

Did you always want to own an inn?

LORELAI

Uh no, I was still dreaming of owning a red Camaro when Rory appeared on the scene.

RACHEL

Ah. Right

LORELAI

It's a new idea in the last couple years actually. How about you? Did you always want to be a photographer?

RACHEL

Not specifically. I just remember growing up thinking I want to be anywhere but here.

LORELAI

Ah, that was you in the other room.

RACHEL

I made sure to pick something that would keep me moving, constantly.

LORELAI

Sounds exciting.

RACHEL

It is. Tiring too. And now that I'm here, back with Luke, I don't know.

LORELAI

Things seem to be going pretty well for you guys.

RACHEL

I guess. But I tell you, these last couple weeks, it's become increasingly apparent to me that things just can't continue the way they've been.

LORELAI

What do you mean?

RACHEL

I mean, I think it's time we get serious. I'm ready to settle down, I guess, is the creepy old fashion term for it. Pretty damn scary, huh?

LORELAI

Pretty damn scary.

EMILY

I feel ridiculous.

RORY

You look great.

EMILY

I feel like a Clydesdale.

RORY

You look like you're comfortable.

EMILY

People are staring.

RORY

Because you look great.

EMILY

Yes, what a shame your grandfather isn't here. He'd fall in love with me all over again.

EMILY

I think we came in through the storeroom.

RORY

Nope, this is it.

EMILY

This is the antique store?

RORY

You have to dig but you can find some great stuff here.

EMILY

This is ridiculous. No one can run a quality business like this. This place is dusty and disorganized and you can't possibly... Oh now that is gorgeous. Look at the woodwork. It's exquisite. I wonder if it has mate.

RORY

Grandma, look at this. It's got like little flowers all over it.

EMILY

It's very pretty.

RORY

Is it something special?

EMILY

Do you like it?

RORY

Yeah.

EMILY

Then it's something special.

LANE

Hi.

RORY

Lane, this is my grandma. Grandma, this is my friend Lane.

EMILY

Well, I've heard a lot about you.

LANE

It's nice to meet you. Uh, Rory can I talk to you for a sec?

EMILY

Go, talk. I have a lot of looking to do here.

LANE

Problem.

RORY

Hit me.

LANE

It's been a week since that party, and still he has not called.

RORY

Henry.

LANE

He said he'd call.

RORY

Maybe he's been busy.

LANE

Maybe he has a girlfriend.

RORY

Lane.

LANE

A tiny perfect Korean girl that his parents would love and approve of.

RORY

Lane, you are a tiny perfect Korean girl that his parents would love and approve of.

LANE

No, they'd know.

RORY

Know what?

LANE

Know that I listen to the wrong music and wish I could go blond without looking like an idiot. Or that I'd take a whopper over kimchi in a heartbeat.

RORY

Now you're just going crazy.

LANE

So he doesn't like me, he's not gonna call. It's not the end of the world. I'll live. I'll go one. There's always college. Unless my parents get their way, and then it's 'I take thee Jesus to be my lawful wedded husband.'

RORY

Lane, with all due respect to your fiancé, Henry will call.

LANE

No he's not.

RORY

Well then why did he talk to you all night. .

LANE

Well. .

RORY

...and follow you around everywhere you went. .

LANE

'cause ...

RORY

. .and ask you to dance six times?

LANE

Was it six times?

RORY

It was six times. And he did not ask you to dance six times because you're a good dancer, because to tell you the truth and as much as I love you, you're not.

LANE

Really?

RORY

You are an embarrassment to the art of dancing.

LANE

Thank you.

MRS. KIM

(in background)

That's mid nineteenth century, four different kinds of wood.

EMILY

Is it missing an inlay?

MRS. KIM

No.

EMILY

I thought it was missing an inlay.

MRS. KIM

Perfect condition!

EMILY

How much?

MRS. KIM

Thirty-five hundred for the pair.

EMILY

You must be joking!

MRS. KIM

No. No joke.

EMILY

Well, they're nice, but they're certainly not that nice.

MRS. KIM

Not a better pair on the East Coast.

EMILY

Two thousand.

MRS. KIM

You're from Hartford.

EMILY

Yes.

MRS. KIM

Ah.

EMILY

It hardly matters where I'm from. I know these pieces are overpriced.

MRS. KIM

Look on the bottom.

EMILY

They're not signed.

MRS. KIM

Look on the bottom.

EMILY

Are they signed?

MRS. KIM

Look on the bottom!

MRS. KIM

They're signed.

EMILY

How do I know that's authentic?

MRS. KIM

You have my word.

EMILY

And a letter of authentication?

MRS. KIM

That too.

LANE

(to Rory)

It's like watching the Williams' sisters.

RORY

I wish we had popcorn.

MRS. KIM

... Insulting!

EMILY

I won't take it.

MRS. KIM

Then someone else will!

EMILY

Eventually, maybe.

MRS. KIM

I can wait.

EMILY

So can I.

MRS. KIM

That's my last offer.

EMILY

I'll think about it.

MRS. KIM

I'll waive the tax.

EMILY

And throw in delivery.

MRS. KIM

We appreciate your business.

EMILY

I like that woman. And you know what? I like these shoes.

RORY

You're becoming one of us Grandma.

EMILY

This way?

RORY

Yeah.

EMILY

I love this street.

RUNE

Hey.

MICHEL

May I help you?

RUNE

Yeah, I need to know where my room is.

MICHEL

Uh, are you sure you are in the right place? Perhaps you want the YMCA or the local bus station.

RUNE

You speak English?

MICHEL

Do you have a reservation?

RUNE

I work here.

MICHEL

Hm, I do not think so. You see, we have standards, and even if they were much much lower, you would still be poor boy out of luck.

RUNE

I'm the new handyman. Lorelai hired me

MICHEL

Oh, you know Lorelai?

RUNE

I dated her.

MICHEL

Oh you did?

RUNE

Yeah, but hey, don't spread it around, it's not one of my shining moments.

MICHEL

Yeah, and you probably have so many to pick from.

RUNE

You're rude.

MICHEL

You've caught me to the quick, out of here teeny tiny man.

RUNE

Look I will only be pushed so far.

MICHEL

And obviously it's down.

LORELAI

Rune, you made it, great.

RUNE

Finally. Will you tell this guy who I am?

LORELAI

This is Rune.

MICHEL

You know him?

LORELAI

He's gonna be our new handyman.

RUNE

See! Handyman.

MICHEL

Be quiet.

RUNE

Go build us another statue.

MICHEL

You hired this man?

LORELAI

Yes.

MICHEL

Did you date him also?

LORELAI

What! No, I didn't date him. Rune, I didn't date you. It was one night. .

MICHEL

One night, you and him together?

LORELAI

I'll explain later.

MICHEL

Oh, I cannot wait.

LORELAI

Yeah. Listen, Rune, here, come with me, I'll show you where you're gonna stay.

RUNE

Can you ask your bellboy here to grab my stuff? I think I might've sprained my shoulder on the way over here.

LORELAI

Relax. I got it. (picks up the duffel bag) Uh. Geez. Move it Rune.

RORY

So, what do you think?

EMILY

Well, I think it's very nice.

RORY

Mom's office is right back there. Oh and you have to see the dining room. They got the chandeliers from one of Martha Washington's houses.

EMILY

Do you spend a lot of time here?

RORY

Yeah. I work here a couple afternoons a week, and I help out with special occasions. They have a lot of weddings here. I wonder where mom is.

EMILY

Oh, don't bother your mother. I'm sure she's busy.

RORY

Oh no, she'd want to say hi.

RORY

Michel, where's Mom?

MICHEL

Off with her boyfriend.

RORY

What boyfriend?

MICHEL

Small, dark, wanted in four states.

RORY

Okay, well, do you know when she's coming back because my grandmother's here and we want to say hi.

MICHEL

Your grandmother?

EMILY

Emily Gilmore.

MICHEL

Michel Gerard.

EMILY

Enchantée. D'où venez vous?

MICHEL

Paris.

EMILY

J'adore Paris. Nous y allons chaque printemps.

MICHEL

Oh, oui, le printemps à Paris...

EMILY

Un cliché, mais pourtant...

MICHEL

C'est si vrai, c'est si vrai...

RORY

Okay, well, we better go find mom.

EMILY

It's been a pleasure meeting you.

MICHEL

The pleasure is all mine.

EMILY

What a charming man.

RORY

Uh okay. (sees Lorelai ahead) Mom, hi.

LORELAI

Mom, hi.

EMILY

Lorelai, it's quite a place you've got here.

LORELAI

Oh, well it's not really my place, I just work here, so. . I thought you were gonna go antiquing.

RORY

Yeah we did. And then we had lunch.

LORELAI

Oh, really? Where?

EMILY

Teriyaki Joe's.

LORELAI

You're kidding.

RORY

She picked.

LORELAI

You did?

EMILY

It looked festive.

LORELAI

I can't picture you at Teriyaki Joe's ... or in jogging shoes. What's up working girl?

EMILY

Well, Rory decided that we should take the grand tour of the town; that meant walking. I hope you don't mind, I borrowed your socks also.

LORELAI

Oh, I don't mind. I wish I had a camera, but I don't mind.

RORY

I'm gonna go show her the grounds.

LORELAI

Oh yeah, good. On the way back, show her the gym. Jump on the treadmill.

RORY

See you later.

LORELAI

Make sure you stretch first.

MICHEL

I just love your mother.

RORY

So the horses are up on that hill, and the tennis courts are over there.

EMILY

It's certainly impressive.

RORY

And this is my favorite place.

EMILY

The tool shed?

RORY

No, this is where we used to live.

EMILY

What?

RORY

Right when mom and I moved here, this was our apartment.

EMILY

But. .

RORY

I know it's looks small, but it's really pretty. Come on. See we had our bed right over there, and mom put up this really pretty curtain around the tub so that it looked like a real bathroom. And we would just sit outside at night when the Inn would have parties and we'd just listen to music and feed the ducks and... (Emily walks away) Grandma? Grandma wait, what's the matter?

EMILY

Nothing.

RORY

Did something happen? Are you sick? Is it the teriyaki?

EMILY

I'm fine. Its just getting late, I have to go.

RORY

But...

RUNE

Hey. Do you mind?

RORY

What? Oh sorry. (She moves out of the way so that Rune can go into the shed.)

RACHEL

Hey! Good, you got my message.

LORELAI

Hail the glory of the answering machine.

RACHEL

Come on in. (Lorelai walks inside) I just developed some shots of the Dragonfly I think you're gonna love. Maybe they can help inspire you a little more.

LORELAI

Oh, great! Hm, I've never been in Luke's apartment before.

RACHEL

Really? How long have you two known each other?

LORELAI

Oh god, years. But our relationship is strictly "Please can I have coffee?", 'No,', 'Come on!, 'No, it makes you short.' Blah blah blah.

RACHEL

Well, then let me give you the grand tour. This, is it.

LORELAI

It's, uh, not how I pictured it. I mean, not that I've been picturing Luke's apartment. I haven't been picturing it at all.

RACHEL

I know what you meant.

LORELAI

Hmm. Nice touch.

RACHEL

Oh, those aren't mine.

LORELAI

You're kidding.

RACHEL

Nope. Frankly, a little too frilly for my taste.

LORELAI

I'm gonna give him so much crap about that.

RACHEL

Have a seat.

LORELAI

Thanks. (sits down on the couch) Man, you guys are living in pretty tight quarters here.

RACHEL

Well this was originally his dad's office, so it was never really meant for anyone to actually live in.

LORELAI

But tell that to Luke.

RACHEL

Exactly.

LORELAI

Do you think about moving to a bigger place?

RACHEL

I don't think so.

LORELAI

No? Oh right. Because tight quarters, romantic. Hello Lorelai.

RACHEL

Yeah, well I don't think romance has a lot to do with it.

LORELAI

No?

RACHEL

I'm not sure I'm gonna be in Stars Hollow much longer.

LORELAI

Oh. But I thought...

RACHEL

I know, I just, I can't seem to make Luke believe that I really want to stay this time.

LORELAI

Did you tell him all that stuff you told me?

RACHEL

Till I was blue in the face.

LORELAI

Well you just have to keep trying until he hears you.

RACHEL

Hey, I don't blame him. I've given him no reason to believe me. I just hope that magically somehow he'd, I don't know, forget that I'd skipped out on him a million times before.

LORELAI

Have you told him that you're thinking of leaving?

RACHEL

Nope.

LORELAI

Are you going to?

RACHEL

I don't know. I mean, I feel like I've been trying so hard to make everything good. But this town, you know, it's like living under a microscope. Everyone here is just waiting for you to screw up.

LORELAI

No that's not true.

RACHEL

Miss Patty?

LORELAI

Oh, well yeah.

RACHEL

I don't know how long I can stick around here waiting for Luke when I feel like I don't have a friend in the world.

LORELAI

Hey, if you can French braid hair, I'll be your friend.

RACHEL

Sorry.

LORELAI

Oh, well, see ya.

RACHEL

I cannot find your pictures here. They must be in the bathroom.

LORELAI

So do not wanna know why.

RACHEL

Hey, I know this is not so not cool to ask. But if the situation comes up and it's not too weird, a little word of encouragement from you might help a lot.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, sure. If it comes up.

RACHEL

Thanks

LORELAI

What, you don't knock?

LUKE

What are you doing here?

LORELAI

Rachel invited me.

LUKE

Oh.

LORELAI

To look at some pictures.

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

Yeah. And go through your underwear drawer.

LUKE

Where is she?

LORELAI

Freezing your bra.

LUKE

Where?

LORELAI

In the bathroom.

LUKE

Right.

LORELAI

It's a nice place you have here.

LUKE

Thank you.

LORELAI

I like the curtains.

LUKE

Yeah, yeah, Rachel picked them out.

LORELAI

Oh, she's got good taste.

RACHEL

Oh. Hey.

LUKE

Hi. I just had to put something in the safe.

RACHEL

We were just...

LORELAI

I told him about the underwear drawer.

RACHEL

And the baseball cap fashion show?

LUKE

Okay. I'm gonna go now.

LORELAI

I think he's going to buy a matching rug.

RORY

I like this song. It makes me gloomy.

LANE

Gloom is good.

RORY

Really gloomy.

LANE

Like Joy Division Gloomy? Nick Cave gloomy? Robert Smith gloomy?

RORY

Johnny Cash gloomy.

LANE

So kind of like a San Quentin-y, it's a long road home and my horse just got shot but I've still got my girl by my side gloomy?

RORY

You read my mind.

LANE

I'm deep in a Charlie Parker gloomy.

RORY

Henry still hasn't called?

LANE

Oh no, he called.

RORY

He did? Why didn't you tell me?

LANE

Well I didn't talk to him. He left a message. I listened to it eight-and-a-half times, but then my mom came home and I had to erase it. But I was so panicked that I broke it, which is better because now all evidence that a boy called me is in the trash.

RORY

Eight and a half times.

LANE

Well it was a good message the first couple times. Then I started parsing it for subtext.

RORY

What did he say?

LANE

He said, and I quote, "Hey Lane, it's Henry." Not a good start.

RORY

How do you figure?

LANE

It's so gender neutral. It's how you start a conversation with a bowling pal.

RORY

He asked you bowling?

LANE

Then he said "It was fun meeting you the other night."

RORY

What?

LANE

He didn't say which night. Like he didn't remember which night. Like he's mixing me up with another girl from another night. For all I know, he thought he was calling the hot blonde he met at a hopped up night at Balthazar's.

RORY

He's a 16 year old Korean boy.

LANE

Or so he led me to believe.

RORY

What's the bottom line here?

LANE

Okay, the bottom line is that he wants me to call him back. But if I do that then he's probably gonna ask me out on a date. And if we go out on a date then it could lead to another date, and then I'll have to introduce him to my parents. And once I do that, they're gonna like him. Because he's Korean and he's gonna be a doctor. And then once that happens, that's it. It'll be over. He'll be hideous to me. Now I'm a Lou Reed gloomy.

RORY

Hello?

EMILY

Rory, hello. Do you have a minute?

RORY

Uh, sure.

EMILY

Now I know this will probably seem silly but I was wondering what your favorite color is.

RORY

Oh, I don't really have one. Blue I guess.

EMILY

Okay. What about flowers? Do you like flowers?

RORY

Sure.

EMILY

Which would you say you like better, roses or lilies?

RORY

Hmm, sunflowers.

EMILY

Sunflowers it is. Now, what about music? N'sync or 98 degrees?

RORY

(to Lane)

Uh, N'sync or 98 degrees?

LANE

What kind of sick joke is this?

RORY

I don't think I could choose.

EMILY

What about that other group? The Backside Boys?

RORY

You mean the Backstreet Boys?

EMILY

Yes that's it.

RORY

Um, I guess if I really had to choose, I'd say N'sync.

EMILY

Wonderful.

RORY

Are you writing this down?

EMILY

Maybe.

RORY

What for?

EMILY

You'll see. I'm looking forward to dinner on Friday.

RORY

Okay, yeah, me too.

RORY

What was that?

LANE

Sounded like some sick take on the Gallup survey. I gotta go

RORY

Call him.

LANE

I already left him a message, he's probably parsing it right now.

RORY

I'm sure.

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Want some coffee?

LORELAI

Oh, yeah coffee would be great.

LORELAI

Thanks.

LUKE

Watch the lid there.

LORELAI

Yeah. Wow, it really looks, um, different from back here, ya know? All this is yours, as far as the eye can see.

LUKE

Yes, it's quite an empire I've built for myself. I'm thinking of conquering the flower shop next door and expanding the freezer.

LORELAI

Hey, I didn't mean to kick you out of your own apartment.

LUKE

Oh, you didn't.

LORELAI

Well you left pretty fast.

LUKE

Yeah, you guys looks like you were talking girl talk.

LORELAI

Girl talk.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

What's girl talk?

LUKE

You know, pantyhose, nail polish.

LORELAI

Curtains.

LUKE

Yes. That stuff.

LORELAI

You didn't like me being up there?

LUKE

No big deal.

LORELAI

So, this is the fascinating storage area where fascinating acts of storage take place.

LUKE

Yup, this is it.

LORELAI

Some good looking pickles.

LUKE

What are you doing?

LORELAI

I'm admiring your pickles.

LUKE

You shouldn't be in here.

LORELAI

Why not?

LUKE

'Cause my insurance covers only me.

LORELAI

That's not true. You're kidding right?

LUKE

Its not safe, something might fall.

LORELAI

You don't like me hanging out with Rachel do you?

LUKE

Oh, come on.

LORELAI

Am I right?

LUKE

You can hang out with anybody you want.

LORELAI

Not my question.

LUKE

Well that's my answer.

LORELAI

Well, we're eight.

LUKE

Just a friendly piece of advice. Don't get too attached to her.

LORELAI

Rachel?

LUKE

Yeah. She's got an interesting habit of getting bored and then leaving, usually without saying goodbye.

LORELAI

People break habits.

LUKE

Not often.

LORELAI

So you're just convinced that that's what she's gonna do?

LUKE

I'll bet you that's exactly what she does.

LORELAI

Well, let's say that is what she does. Don't you think there's the teensiest possibility that if Rachel leaves Stars Hollow this time its because she thinks you don't want her to stay?

LUKE

Are you guys talking about me?

LORELAI

No ... Yes.

LUKE

Okay, I don't mind if you hang out with her, but you will not talk about me.

LORELAI

Why? It's fun. We wear plaid, take turns not shaving.

LUKE

There will be no Luke talk period.

LORELAI

Do you wanna know what I think about this situation?

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

Are you sure?

LUKE

Look, if you're gonna tell me at least help me unload.

LORELAI

Can I use the fun cutter thingy?

LUKE

Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.

LORELAI

Please.

LUKE

Cut the box, not your hand.

LORELAI

Good tip, you should teach. (cuts open the box) Ha! Fun!

LUKE

Talk.

LORELAI

Well, I don't know exactly what's going on in Rachel's head because I'm not a Vulcan, but from the way she talks about you and the way she smiles when your name comes up, I'm pretty sure that she's serious about staying in Stars Hollow this time.

LUKE

Yeah, let me guess. Rachel told you she wanted to put down roots, that she's serious this time, that she's tired of the road, and realizes what's lacking in her nomadic existence.

LORELAI

She didn't use the phrase nomadic existence, but basically yes, that's what she said.

LUKE

I've heard the speech. I know the speech by heart.

LORELAI

Well, I think she means it this time.

LUKE

You don't know her like I do.

LORELAI

I don't. But she seems sincere.

LUKE

How do you know?

LORELAI

Her nose didn't grow.

LUKE

Why are you taking her side?

LORELAI

I'm not taking her side.

LUKE

Well it sounds like you're taking her side.

LORELAI

Well, wash out your ears, I'm not taking her side.

LUKE

I mean you're practically pushing her on me.

LORELAI

I just want you to be happy.

LUKE

And you know what makes me happy?

LORELAI

No, I just know that you've been carrying a torch for her for a really long time.

LUKE

I have not been carrying a torch for her.

LORELAI

Well, you wanted this to happen.

LUKE

How do you know what I wanted to happen?

LORELAI

Didn't you?

LUKE

Yeah, I guess.

LORELAI

Okay. So here it is, right in front of you. Just take it. Take the plunge. She could be ready. Just jump in and believe her. Unless, you know, there's some other reason you don't want to.

LUKE

Like what?

LORELAI

Like I... .I don't know.

LUKE

There's no other reason.

LORELAI

Okay, well, fine. Then there's no other reason.

LUKE

I'll think about it.

LORELAI

Okay. Well, thanks for letting me borrow your thingy.

LUKE

You're welcome.

LORELAI

I'll see you later Luke.

LORELAI

She actually asked if you like the Backstreet Boys?

RORY

Except she called them Backside Boys.

LORELAI

Ha! That is high comedy. What inspired that woman?

RORY

I don't know. It was weird.

LORELAI

Sudden interest in pop music I sat her down to listen to a Prince song once, and she looked like she was having a stroke. Wait a minute. I know what she's doing.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

She's trying to be your pal now. Ah, that sneak. You spend one day together and she wants to know all about you. She's picturing you guys chatting about boys, and painting each other's toenails.

LORELAI

Oh hey Kirk. You getting a cold? You know you should try that dinametichemphemital. Knocks it right out. Don't drive a forklift though, 'cause it'll make you drowsy.

RORY

Oh wow, when's the last time you think Luke's been to a movie?

LORELAI

I don't know but I think the guy had to crank the projector by hand.

KIRK

Do you mind?

LORELAI

Kirk, the movie hasn't even started yet.

KIRK

I like to have silence in order to cleanse my mental pallet and achieve calm before enjoying a motion picture.

LORELAI

Oh you got that out of a book. (Turns around. She watches Luke and Rachel talking.) Luke looks happy, doesn't he?

RORY

Yeah, he looks happy.

LORELAI

And they seem really right together, don't they?

RORY

Just right.

LORELAI

Good, good, he deserves it. So I did the right thing by butting in the way I did.

RORY

You butted in for all the right reasons. You were concerned about a friend.

LORELAI

So if Rachel turns out to be an evil fembot and murders Luke in his sleep, I'm not responsible am I?

RORY

Only in an intergalactic court.

LORELAI

Good. And Rachel seems really great...

KIRK

You are now officially disturbing not just me but every person in this theater.

LORELAI

Kirk, you're the only one who's disturbed.

LORELAI

Uh! Shhh!

KIRK

Hello?

LORELAI

Shhh! Shh! God, don't you hate that?

KIRK

Hello? Dammit!

EMILY

Hello, hello, hello.

LORELAI

Wow, Mom, hi. (to Rory) Uh, check the rubbing alcohol.

EMILY

How was the drive?

LORELAI

The drive was fine.

EMILY

Good.

LORELAI

The foyer looks great.

EMILY

I have a surprise for you.

LORELAI

The rest of the house ran away?

EMILY

No.

LORELAI

No.

EMILY

Rory, come with me.

LORELAI

Okay, so, I'll... I'll follow you then. Great.

EMILY

Voila.

RORY

Oh my. Um Grandma what is this?

EMILY

This is your room.

RORY

What?

EMILY

Since you've been spending so much time here lately, I thought you should have a special place all your own.

RORY

But you didn't have to do this.

EMILY

Do you like it?

RORY

Yeah, it's beautiful.

LORELAI

(whispers to Rory) Do you see the N'Sync poster?

RORY

Thank you Grandma. (hugs Emily)

EMILY

You're welcome sweetheart. Now come on, lets go downstairs and see if dinner's ready. (Rory leaves.) (To Lorelai) Are you coming?

LORELAI

You bought her CosmoGirl.

EMILY

Well the young girls enjoy the articles.

LORELAI

You bought boy band posters and Hello Kitty notepads.

EMILY

A lovely young girl at the store helped me pick them out.

LORELAI

You filled the room with sunflowers.

EMILY

Rory likes sunflowers.

LORELAI

I know Rory likes sunflowers.

EMILY

What is the matter Lorelai?

LORELAI

Nothing. I don't know. It's just a little weird that's all.

EMILY

Why is it weird to do something for my granddaughter?

LORELAI

I don't know. I mean, it's not like you bought her a car. By the way, don't. It's a room and ... you know, you're right. It's nice. I'm sorry. I'm just being silly.

EMILY

Maybe you don't like the fact that now she has a place away from you, some place that's just her own.

LORELAI

I said I was fine.

EMILY

Or maybe its because its so large and spacious and has four solid walls around the bathtub.

LORELAI

What?

EMILY

I mean, it may not be exciting or bohemian, but at least it doesn't have shovels propped up against the sofa either, now does it?

LORELAI

I'm sorry. I missed the checkered flag, when did the argument start?

EMILY

Is it because it's not a shack in the woods? Or is it the proximity to me that's making it so uncomfortable for you?

LORELAI

What are you talking about?

EMILY

You hated us that much?

LORELAI

What?

EMILY

You had to take that little girl away. That was bad enough. But to that? To live there, in a shed, like a hobo?

LORELAI

Who uses the word hobo anymore?

EMILY

I saw it. I saw that horrible little pit you so proudly ran to. I saw what you chose over your own family. You would've lived in the gutter, in the street, it a cardboard box, anywhere as long as you didn't have to be near us, isn't that true?

LORELAI

Mom. .

EMILY

Isn't that true Lorelai?

LORELAI

Mom, I was very young and I was very unhappy and I needed to be some place that wasn't here.

EMILY

Excuse me. (Emily, holding back tears, leaves. After a pause, Lorelai slowly starts to walk out.)

RORY

You're awfully quiet.

LORELAI

I am.

RORY

You hardly said anything at dinner.

LORELAI

I was chewing.

RORY

You didn't say anything on the ride home.

LORELAI

I was concentrating.

RORY

So. .

LORELAI

Well, I feel I've gotten sloppy with this whole "10 and 2" hand position thing.

RORY

Mm hmm.

LORELAI

Yeah seriously, the other day I caught myself doing a "9 and 4."

RORY

Mom. .

LORELAI

Well, if left uncorrected, that can only lead to a "6 and 12", or worse yet, an "8 and 11", which is not only dangerous but damn uncomfortable.

RORY

Talk please.

LORELAI

I just wish sometimes that certain things could be different.

RORY

Like what?

LORELAI

Like, um, wouldn't it be great if once, just once, I could make my mother hear me. I mean really hear me even if it was just for one second.

RORY

Are you talking about the room?

LORELAI

The room, the potting shed, my entire life after age 6.

RORY

It's my fault.

LORELAI

How is it your fault?

RORY

I shouldn't have taken her there.

LORELAI

Oh Rory.

RORY

I just thought if she saw how we lived and how pretty it was with the lake and the swans...

LORELAI

That she'd do a happy dance?

RORY

That she'd feel included and then maybe . .

LORELAI

The whole me running away thing wouldn't be such a big deal? Oh honey, me running away from them is always gonna be a big deal. There is nothing you can do to change that.

RORY

Can I ask you a question?

LORELAI

Yes, I would date Steven Tyler.

RORY

Can I ask you a question whose answer wouldn't horrify me?

LORELAI

Oh, go ahead.

RORY

Do you think you and Grandma will ever be able to talk about all the things you've gone through?

LORELAI

No.

RORY

You didn't even consider it.

LORELAI

I'm sorry... No.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

Because it would just end badly.

RORY

It doesn't have to.

LORELAI

It would be like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan but at least those guys got to be in France.

RORY

You've never tried.

LORELAI

Oh no, that's not true. I have tried. I have tried my whole life. But my mother and I, we speak a different language. I talk, I think I'm being clear, and all she hears is 'Blah blah blah Ginger.'

RORY

But if you won't talk and she won't listen, then how is anything ever gonna change?

LORELAI

I don't know.

LORELAI

(to man) Thanks. (to Luke) Don't tell me you're closed?

LUKE

Would it change the outcome if I did?

LORELAI

No.

LUKE

Two coffees.

RORY

Yes please.

RACHEL

Any pie to go with that?

LORELAI

Oh, pie!

RORY

We just had cake at Grandma's.

LORELAI

Yeah, but that was crabby cake, let's have happy pie.

RORY

Have whatever you want as long as there's coffee.

LUKE

I'll put on a fresh pot.

RACHEL

Hey, listen, I just wanna say thanks.

LORELAI

Oh, for what?

RACHEL

For whatever it was you said to Luke the other day.

LORELAI

It was no big deal.

RACHEL

It was a very big deal. I was sitting upstairs and suddenly he comes in, empties out his sock drawer and gives it to me.

LORELAI

Oh that's great. You got a drawer.

RACHEL

And a set of keys.

LORELAI

Well you can put the keys in the drawer.

RACHEL

He's accepting it. He's believing it. And it's all because of you.

LORELAI

Actually, it's because of you.

RACHEL

I'm not gonna screw it up this time.

LORELAI

I know you won't.

RACHEL

Well I owe you one. (gets up and starts to walk away)

LORELAI

So you're gonna be in Stars Hollow for awhile then?

RACHEL

Yeah, quite awhile.

LORELAI

Wow, that's great.

RACHEL

Yeah. You want any ice cream with that pie?

LORELAI

Well I did get you a drawer.

RACHEL

If I throw in a little hot fudge, you think you can weasel me half the closet?

LORELAI

I'll see what I can do.

RACHEL

Thank you.

RORY

Here.

LORELAI

Ah thanks.

RORY

Sure.

RORY

Huh. Does it taste different to you?

LORELAI

Yeah. It does.

LORELAI

So what do you think?

RORY

It's got a great view.

LORELAI

Yeah. And good highway access.

RORY

I love that window back in the ...

LORELAI

Library? Oh no, lobby. No, uh, bathroom?

RORY

I'd get that decided before you open.

SOOKIE

There's absolutely no kitchen space here. How are we supposed to open a bed and breakfast when there's no place to cook breakfast! It's just a bed. We'll have to charge half price.

LORELAI

We'll build a new kitchen Sookie.

SOOKIE

I'll need plenty of ventilation. And an area for an outdoor fireplace for barbecues. Plus storage. Where do these people put anything? Ooh! And a pantry. And a canning room. And I'd love to smoke our own meats.

LORELAI

Absolutely.

SOOKIE

I don't know if this is gonna work. I mean, I have to do some floor plans. Where is that plumbing? (Sookie walks away)

RORY

Wow, your own inn.

LORELAI

Cool, huh?

RORY

It's gonna be a really big job.

LORELAI

Yeah. Well, maybe I'll get Rune to manage the place for me.

RORY

How's he doing?

LORELAI

He put a tip jar on the reservation desk.

RORY

Ah.

LORELAI

Michel tried to beat him senseless with the reservation book.

RORY

Yeah, how did that go?

LORELAI

Oh, Rune got away.

RORY

Really?

LORELAI

Well Michel can't run in new shoes.

RORY

So how long you think before you guys own this place?

LORELAI

Oh sweetie, it's going to be a very very very long time.

RORY

You think it'll still be here?

LORELAI

I think we got a shot.