T1E18: “The Third Lorelai”

EMILY

Everyone's awfully quiet tonight.

LORELAI

Sorry Mom, I'm just tired.

RORY

Me too - school.

LORELAI

Work.

RORY

Life.

LORELAI

Dig it man.

RORY

Peace out Humphrey.

EMILY

Mystery. [pause] Well this is just ridiculous. Three intelligent women sitting here in complete silence. There must be something to talk about. Do you know that every night at dinner, the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun? They would quiz each other about current events, historical facts, intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and worldly as the Kennedy's so come on - somebody - say something.

LORELAI

Do you know that butt models make $10,000 a day? [Rory chuckles]

EMILY

Camelot is truly dead.

RICHARD

Emily!

EMILY

In here, just follow the crickets.

RICHARD

I am sorry I'm late, but I come bearing wonderful news.

EMILY

Siri bring Mr. Gilmore a plate! [getting up and following him to his seat]

RICHARD

I just got off the phone.

EMILY

Would you like to change first?

RICHARD

No, no, no I'm fine. So I -

EMILY

Siri, Mr. Gilmore is hungry! [placing napkin in his lap]

RICHARD

Emily, I am perfectly capable of putting a napkin on my lap.

EMILY

Alright I'm sorry. You were on the phone.

RICHARD

Long distance.

LORELAI

God?

RICHARD

London.

LORELAI

God lives in London?

RICHARD

My mother lives in London.

LORELAI

Your mother is God?

RICHARD

Lorelai.

LORELAI

So, God is a woman...

RICHARD

Lorelai.

RICHARD

And a relative, that's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.

RICHARD

[to Rory] Make her stop.

RORY

Oh that I could.

EMILY

You spoke to your mother.

RICHARD

Yes I did. She's fine, she sends her love and... she's coming to visit.

EMILY

What?

LORELAI

You're kidding?

EMILY

When?

RORY

I'm gonna get to meet my great-grandma?

RICHARD

Lorelai I.

EMILY

When?

LORELAI

I was named after her.

RORY

I figured.

EMILY

Richard when?

RICHARD

You're going to love her. My mother is brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

LORELAI

We share that also.

EMILY

I'm asking a question here, does no one hear me? Am I suddenly invisible?

RICHARD

I'm sorry. What was the question?

EMILY

When is your mother arriving?

RICHARD

A week from today. Rory, I'm telling you, it's going to be such a treat.

EMILY

Excuse me. [leaves]

LORELAI

I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.

LORELAI

Mom? Mom?

EMILY

It's just like that woman, no warnings, no discussions, then out of the blue 'I'm coming next week'.

LORELAI

What are you doing?

EMILY

I have to unpack these things.

LORELAI

What things? Excuse me boys [to statue of two dogs]

EMILY

I have to get out everything she's ever given us. 35 years worth of fish lamps and dog statues, lion tables and stupid naked angels with their... butts!

LORELAI

Whoa! Stupid naked angel butts? What did David Manic just stop by.

EMILY

Leave please.

LORELAI

Mom calm down.

EMILY

I can't calm down! That lamp shade is missing, the china is cracked and I can't remember which table it is that she gave us for our 10 year anniversary!!

LORELAI

Mother, Grandma is a very old woman, I highly doubt that she's going to remember everything she ever bought you.

EMILY

She will remember down to the very last shrimp fork and do you know why?

LORELAI

No. [to dogs] Do you guys know why?

EMILY

Because she doesn't just give you a present, she 'gives' you a present and she tells you where to put it, how to use it, what it costs - for insurance purposes of course - and God forbid you should have a different opinion or you don't think it works in the space or you just get tired of waking up every morning with those horrifying animals staring at you!

LORELAI

[to dogs] She's just upset.

EMILY

Stop talking to the dogs!

LORELAI

Mom! You're freaking out. I've never seen you freak out before.

EMILY

Yes you have you were 12, it was the last time that horrible woman came to visit. [tries to pull a rug off a shelf.]

LORELAI

Do you want some help?

EMILY

No! [sighs] Please.

LORELAI

Where's it going?

EMILY

Third floor.

LORELAI

How about second floor?

EMILY

Third floor.

LORELAI

How about first floor on a ladder?

RORY

So tell me more about her.

LORELAI

I don't really know that much.

RORY

Well you know more than I do.

LORELAI

Well let's see. She moved to London when Grandpa died but she didn't like to travel so once a year Mom and Dad would go to visit her, usually leaving me behind, much to my relief by the way, and that's it. The rest I know from stories just like you.

RORY

Grandpa says I remind him of her.

LORELAI

That is the biggest compliment that can be wrenched out of Grumpy McFarlen believe me.

RORY

I hope she likes me.

LORELAI

She'll love you.

RORY

I hope she and Grandma get along.

LORELAI

She'll love you.

PARIS

I think that the basic structure of the Elizabethan government is relatively sound. The division of power between the monarchy, the privy council and the parliament all seem to work. Agreed?

MADELINE

Agreed.

LOUISE

Ditto.

PARIS

Ok, so in establishing our own government, I think duplicating a similar structure would be good, with a few alterations. Queen Elizabeth chose to remain unwed. She took on the burden of leadership all by herself at a time when possibly marrying the Prince of France or the King of Spain would solidify her thrown while expanding her empire. And though it obviously worked for her, and the concept of a woman ruling without man is certainly politically correct these days, I think we need to take a different tact. [in the background while Louise and Madeline talk] I think we need to devise a nation with a truly solidified royal alliance...

MADELINE

[over Paris] She does know this is a make belief government right?

LOUISE

[over Paris] You ask her, I'm afraid.

PARIS

[in foreground] So in addition to the different political branches, we'll also need a King and Queen. Rory, Tristin, what about you?

TRISTIN

Us?

RORY

Oh.

TRISTIN

No.

RORY

Yes, no.

PARIS

Why?

TRISTIN

Because..

RORY

I just don't want to be queen.

TRISTIN

Me either [pause] King - I don't want to be king.

RORY

What about you? You be queen.

PARIS

I'm going to be head of Parliament. I can't be queen.

RORY

Be both.

PARIS

I can't be both.

RORY

Why not? It's our government.

PARIS

It's not done that way.

RORY

It can be though, let's vote.

PARIS

Rory.

RORY

Henry VIII started a new church when the old one wouldn't allow divorce.

PARIS

He also cut off his wife's head. Is he still your role model?

RORY

I'm just saying we have the opportunity to make any kind of government we want here.

PARIS

Why won't you be queen?

MADELINE

I'll be queen.

RORY

There, make Madeline queen.

PARIS

Fine, you're queen, Tristin's king.

LOUISE

I'll be the lady-in-waiting. The one with the low-cut blue velvet renaissance dress.

PARIS

Lady-in-waiting is not a political office.

LOUISE

No but they get all the sex.

PARIS

What?

LOUISE

Watch a movie.

PARIS

We are talking about government class not the movies. God why can't I get one person to care about this as much as I do?!

LOUISE

Ok fine. I'll be the head of the Quarter Sessions court, but I'm still wearing the dress. Happy?

PARIS

Out of my mind. Ok, so, I secured us the class room to work tomorrow and Sunday so that by Monday we'll be ready.

MADELINE

We're working all weekend?

LOUISE

You're kidding. [Bell rings]

PARIS

Take this. It's an outline for the entire system - point of methods, some basic laws and penalties plus some random ideas. Please be ready to discuss it tomorrow 9:00 in the morning, don't be late.

MADELINE

Wow, she designed the flag.

PARIS

[in the hallway] Question.

RORY

Ok.

PARIS

What's up with you and Tristin?

RORY

What do you mean?

PARIS

You just seem weird around each other.

RORY

Nope, no weirder than usual.

PARIS

I disagree.

RORY

You usually do.

PARIS

I just think it's strange that you don't wanna be queen.

RORY

You know, not all girls want to be queen Paris. Even Barbie ended up being a stewardess.

PARIS

Ok, if you say so. Read my manifesto, I want your thoughts.

RORY

First thought - lose the word 'manifesto'.

PARIS

Too cabin-in-the-woods?

RORY

Don't open your mail.

PARIS

Right. How about doctrine?

RORY

Better.

PARIS

Ok, see you tomorrow.

RORY

Bye. [realizes she left her notebook and heads back to the classroom. She runs into Tristin]

TRISTIN

Uh... you left this [handing her her notebook.]

RORY

Oh yeah I did. Thanks.

TRISTIN

Sure. [both try to go through the doorway together and backup]

RORY

Well, that could have been a potential Marx Brothers moment.

TRISTIN

You go first.

RORY

Ok. [starts to exit but then turns back] I think we need to talk.

TRISTIN

About what?

RORY

Tristin you know about what?

TRISTIN

No I don't.

RORY

Look, we have a lot of work ahead of us. We also have about two and a half years of being in the same school. I don't want things to be weird between us. Don't you think it'd be good to at least try to talk about this?

TRISTIN

Ok.

RORY

Good. [They both try to go through the doorway at the same time again] I'm gonna go first.

TRISTIN

Right [chuckles]

LORELAI

Ugh! It's still not working.

MICHEL

Well you did something wrong.

LORELAI

I didn't do anything wrong. I did the same thing I always do when I'm pulling up reservations for the upcoming month but nothing happened.

MICHEL

You typed in the name?

LORELAI

I typed in the name.

MICHEL

You clicked on the April 5?

LORELAI

I clicked on the April 5.

MICHEL

You double clicked on confirmation?

LORELAI

I double clicked.

MICHEL

Are you sure?

LORELAI

Yes I double clicked.

MICHEL

You clicked twice.

LORELAI

No I double clicked but I didn't click twice.

MICHEL

Because to successfully double click you must click twice.

LORELAI

I know what double click is.

MICHEL

Well apparently you do not or we wouldn't be having this conversation.

LORELAI

Ooh, I'm going to pinch you so hard right now.

MICHEL

Well I don't know what you have done!

LORELAI

Well - ah! [as Michel pushes her out of the way]

MICHEL

Well I can't fix it if you don't move.

LORELAI

I double clicked. [as Michel starts to type] Ooh, what's that?

MICHEL

What?

LORELAI

That flashy red thing [speaks at the same time as Michel] with an 'x' through it.

MICHEL

[speaks at the same time as Lorelai] I do not know.

LORELAI

Ooh, it happened when you pushed something funky.

MICHEL

I pushed nothing 'funky'.

LORELAI

You have the funk my friend. [phone rings] Independence Inn.

EMILY

I need the hat rack.

LORELAI

[whispers] The fish flies at night.

EMILY

What?

LORELAI

I don't know, who is this?

EMILY

This is your mother.

LORELAI

Oh well hi Mom, I didn't recognize your voice.

EMILY

I need the hat rack back.

LORELAI

What hat rack?

EMILY

The hat rack I gave you.

LORELAI

What hat rack?

EMILY

The hat rack I gave you for Christmas five years ago.

LORELAI

Uh, well...

EMILY

It's large, bronze with dragons or weasels - I don't know, some sort of lizard type animal that you hang your coats on.

LORELAI

Yes, yes, I remember it.

EMILY

Thank God. I need it back.

LORELAI

You need a Christmas present back?

EMILY

Temporarily.

LORELAI

Why Mom?

EMILY

I need it back because Richard's mother gave it to us and she'll notice if it's not there.

LORELAI

You gave me a used present?

EMILY

No, we never used it.

LORELAI

I can't believe it.

EMILY

You'll get it back.

LORELAI

You gave me a second hand present, like something you got at the junk store.

EMILY

You're being a little dramatic. It was still in the crate.

LORELAI

You actually went 'Huh, what should I get Lorelai this year. You know what, I can't be bothered. Let's give her something we don't want anymore.'

EMILY

You're not funny.

LORELAI

What would Miss Manners say about this?

EMILY

If she met your grandmother she'd understand. Now please, just bring the rack with you when you come tonight ok?

LORELAI

[sighing] Ok, sure.

EMILY

Thank you.

LORELAI

You're welcome. Bye.

TRISTIN

[sighs] So we're supposed to talk.

RORY

Yeah. Look about the other night.

TRISTIN

Look, I was upset over Summer.

RORY

Yes and I was upset over Dean.

TRISTIN

So, then it doesn't mean anything right?

RORY

Right.

TRISTIN

So then - right, so then that's it. We just chalk it up to a bad night.

RORY

Ok. I'm sorry I cried.

TRISTIN

No problem.

RORY

I swear it had nothing to do with the kiss.

TRISTIN

I kissed you, you cried. That had to do something with the kiss.

RORY

No, I cried because I was confused. Because I hadn't cried. I didn't cry because of the kiss. It was a nice kiss.

TRISTIN

Yeah?

RORY

Very nice. Not at all crying material.

TRISTIN

Really?

RORY

Absolutely.

TRISTIN

Wanna try it again?

RORY

Well I think someone's recovering from their heartbreak just fine.

TRISTIN

Yeah I'm all better. [small pause] I think I'm going to swear off girls for a while.

RORY

Ha!

TRISTIN

What?

RORY

Uh, sorry, nothing. You said you were going to swear off girls - it's funny.

TRISTIN

You don't think I can?

RORY

No I think you can, I just think it would be hard for you. It'd probably involve some kind of lock up facility, one of those Hannibal Lector masks.

TRISTIN

Ok yes, it would be hard but not impossible.

RORY

Maybe it's not so much swearing off all girls but swearing off a certain kind of girl.

TRISTIN

Meaning?

RORY

Meaning next time maybe you should pick a girl with a little more substance. You know, a girl who's smart and is driven and has ambition. You know like Paris.

TRISTIN

Are you serious?

RORY

Yeah why not? Paris is smart and cute and interesting and yes she does bring her own unique set of baggage into the mix.

TRISTIN

A matching set.

RORY

But she likes you. She's crazy about you. She thinks you're amazing.

TRISTIN

You want me to date Paris?

RORY

Just think about it.

TRISTIN

[exhales loudly] Me and Paris.

RORY

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

TRISTIN

Who's Louis?

RORY

Just think. [leaves]

LORELAI

[sighs] Come on, let's go.

RORY

Relax, I'm almost ready.

LORELAI

We're gonna be late.

RORY

No we're not.

LORELAI

Well it's Friday night and traffic's bad on Friday night.

RORY

Since when?

LORELAI

Since the beginning of time. Here let me do that. [puts on necklace for Rory]

RORY

What's up with you?

LORELAI

Nothing.

RORY

You've been ready and bugging me for almost an hour. Usually I have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming to go to dinner.

LORELAI

Now then.

RORY

You whine, you complain, you act like a child.

LORELAI

I do not.

RORY

I had to pay you five bucks once so you wouldn't go in sweats.

LORELAI

Make your point and make it fast, as we move quickly to the front door.

RORY

My point is that you are mean.

LORELAI

I am not mean.

RORY

You are. You want to go to dinner to see Grandma uncomfortable, that's mean.

LORELAI

Oh, ok, look. I will admit, I work very hard and sometimes I am a little tired come Friday night for the Gilmore family dinner. But I had a light day today and my grandmother who I have not seen for years is going to be there.

RORY

And it has nothing to do with the fact that Grandma hates Great-grandma?

LORELAI

Not at all.

RORY

And when you see Grandma miserable and uncomfortable you're going to be sad and sympathetic?

LORELAI

Not at all.

RORY

Mean.

LORELAI

I'm kidding.

RORY

I want you to be nice.

LORELAI

I will be nice.

RORY

And no outward reveling in someone else's pain.

LORELAI

I promise, internal reveling only.

RORY

Ok then, we can go.

LORELAI

Ok good. Oh wait [grabs a camera] So the internal reveling can continue for years to come.

RORY

Mean.

LORELAI

Ha!

RORY

Mean, mean, mean.

RORY

God, this thing weighs like a 1000 pounds.

LORELAI

I know, I know. Here, put down.

RORY

What are we doing?

LORELAI

Well, in case Gran comes to the door you know.

RORY

Good thinking.

LORELAI

I mean she's 80. The eyes have got to be gone right?

RORY

Let's just try to keep her inside the house.

LORELAI

Good thinking [knocks]

EMILY

Do you have it?

LORELAI

We got it.

EMILY

Hurry up, bring it in here.

LORELAI

Ah!

RORY

Sorry.

EMILY

Ok, quiet, be quiet.

LORELAI

Ok mom, thanks for the direction and all but, um, we need some help.

EMILY

Oh yeah sorry.

LORELAI

[to Rory] Careful honey.

EMILY

Watch it, watch your head. Get it over here. Ok yes, yeah I think that was about - no I think it was maybe a little more on the left. Oh God I should have put tape down.

LORELAI

Mom, you don't think that the coat rack could've moved a quarter of an inch in five years?

EMILY

Yeah you're right. That's it. Ok, put your coats on it.

LORELAI

How'd you get her in here without her noticing it wasn't there?

EMILY

Well I brought her in through the back way then I had Stella wax the floors, also she napped so that took up about an hour.

RORY

Where is she now?

EMILY

In the living room scratching the diamond pendant I bought her against a mirror.

LORELAI

So we shouldn't keep her waiting huh?

EMILY

No you're right, we shouldn't. Oh, heaven help me! [they head for the living room. Lorelai chuckles.]

RORY

Stop.

EMILY

Mom, look who's here?

TRIX

Who?

EMILY

Well, look.

TRIX

If I wanted to look, I would look. I haven't looked therefore you must draw your own conclusions. Ah, thank you, dear boy. [Grandpa gives her a drink]

RICHARD

You're welcome Trix.

RORY

Trix?

LORELAI

Dad's pet name for Gran.

EMILY

Isn't it just darling?

LORELAI

Hi Gran.

TRIX

Lorelai.

LORELAI

Yes, it's so good to see you again.

RICHARD

Trix, this is Rory. You haven't met her yet.

TRIX

No, I don't believe I have.

RORY

Hello.

TRIX

Come. I want to get a very good look at both of you. They're tall.

RICHARD

Well yes they are.

TRIX

How's your health?

LORELAI

Oh, good.

RORY

Very healthy.

LORELAI

Mm-hmm.

TRIX

Good. That means that the majority of your blood is Gilmore blood. Gilmore's don't get sick. Am I right Richard?

RICHARD

Oh we wouldn't dare Trix.

TRIX

That's right. Your mother is always sick.

EMILY

I'm hardly always sick.

TRIX

You're sick right now.

LORELAI

Are you sick now Mom?

EMILY

Headache.

TRIX

Gilmore's don't have headaches, our heads are perfect. You don't drink?

LORELAI

Uh, well...

TRIX

Emily, get this woman a drink.

RICHARD

Oh I'll do it.

LORELAI

Oh thanks Dad. White wine.

EMILY

I'm going to go get the hors d'ouevres.

TRIX

So you're Rory.

RORY

Yes ma'am.

TRIX

My son speaks of you constantly. He seems very fond of you.

RORY

Oh well I'm very fond of him too.

RICHARD

This little girl is as smart as a whip Mom. I think she has a great deal of you in her.

TRIX

Really?

RICHARD

Mm-hmm.

TRIX

How nice. [Grandma enters with a tray of cheese] Is this cheese?

EMILY

Yes it is.

TRIX

Am I supposed to eat that cheese?

EMILY

Well only if you like.

RICHARD

Emily, where are those spiced nuts that Trix likes so much?

EMILY

I'll get some.

TRIX

So Lorelai, since I've seen you last, you've grown up, gotten pregnant out of wedlock, raised a child and still haven't bothered to get married. Have I left anything out?

LORELAI

Well sometime in between growing up and getting pregnant, I got my ears pierced.

TRIX

I've always hated a scandal. However I've always appreciated self-sufficiency. Tell me, how do you support this child?

LORELAI

I run an inn.

TRIX

Hard work?

LORELAI

Yes it is.

TRIX

Good. Hard work is good for a woman - makes her stronger. I admire people who enjoy hard work.

EMILY

Here we go, spiced nuts.

TRIX

Thank you Emily. I suppose I can just put these nuts in my hand.

EMILY

I'll be right back.

LORELAI

So Gran, um, when was the last time I saw you?

TRIX

You were still in your teens, wild hair flying everywhere. I see you've taken care of that.

LORELAI

Yes, I joined a support group, bought a hair brush and just taking it one day at a time.

TRIX

That was a joke?

LORELAI

Yes it is.

TRIX

Very good.

LORELAI

Thank you.

EMILY

I have dishes and napkins.

TRIX

Good for you. Richard, I would like to be escorted into the dining room now.

RICHARD

Your wish is my command.

EMILY

Well, uh, I'm not sure that dinner is ready just yet.

TRIX

Well perhaps our presence in the dining room will teach your help that when one is told dinner is at 7:00, people often expects dinner at 7:00.

EMILY

But it's only five after Mom.

TRIX

Only five after? Richard, in the even that I am kidnapped and a ransom is demanded at a certain time, I would prefer that Emily not be in charge of the drop off. [Lorelai and Rory get up and follow. Lorelai gives Emily a 'what can you do' shoulder shrug]

RORY

Grandma, this dinner's delicious.

TRIX

Very good young lady, well all believe you. Now, let's talk about your education. Where are you attending school?

RORY

Chilton.

RICHARD

Rory is in the top ten percent of her class.

EMILY

We're very proud of our Rory. She's going to Harvard.

TRIX

Harvard?

RORY

Yes ma'am.

TRIX

Richard, how can you allow this girl to go to Harvard?!

RICHARD

Now Trix -

TRIX

You're a Yale man, your father was a Yale man!

LORELAI

Well we want Rory to be whatever kind of man she wants to be.

TRIX

That's enough jokes for this evening Lorelai.

LORELAI

Sorry.

TRIX

Now if you don't mind my asking, Chilton is rather an expensive institution, I'm curious how the manager of an inn can afford such a luxury?

LORELAI

Ah well...

EMILY

We're helping Lorelai out a little.

RICHARD

Yes, we've seen to it that Rory's education is taken care of.

LORELAI

But it's temporary. It's a loan. I plan to pay them back every cent. They know this.

TRIX

That's it, I'm done. Richard. Tomorrow, Rory, I shall plan the menu. When you've lived in Europe you learn a thing or two about food.

RORY

Oh, I can't. I'm studying tomorrow. I'm in a study group and our presentation is due on Monday

TRIX

Oh very well, your mother can tell you all about it.

LORELAI

I will, I promise.

EMILY

Won't you have dessert?

TRIX

I once traveled to a small village in Cambodia, I did not eat dessert there either.

LOUISE

What time is it?

MADELINE

It's almost nine. Hey maybe I'll own a magazine some day. Then I'll get all my nail polish for free.

LOUISE

I'm going back to sleep. Tell Paris I hate her.

MADELINE

Ok.

PARIS

Hi.

MADELINE

Hey Paris. Louise hates you.

PARIS

You'll thank me when you get into Sarah Lawrence.

LOUISE

Wanna bet?

RORY

Hey.

MADELINE

Wow, did you bring coffee?

RORY

And doughnuts in the shape of clowns.

MADELINE

Hey they've got hats.

RORY

Well a clown just isn't a clown without a hat. [to Paris] Here is your decaf with soy milk.

PARIS

Thanks.

RORY

You're welcome. So I read your doctrine and I thing our imaginary kingdom is off to a pretty good start.

PARIS

Yeah?

RORY

Yeah. I mean the taxes are a little high and the landowner's power should be regulated a little more.

PARIS

It was a different time back then.

RORY

Yeah but the fundamental human needs were the same.

PARIS

We're supposed to set it up within -

LOUISE

Ding, ding, ding. No debating until I've had coffee.

MADELINE

And a clown.

TRISTIN

Ladies.

MADELINE

Hi Tristin.

RORY

Hey.

TRISTIN

Paris, can I talk to you for a sec?

LORELAI

Oh, sure ok.

LOUISE

And that is about what pray tell?

MADELINE

I don't know. The project - maybe?

LOUISE

They could've talked project here. It's something else. Something private.

MADELINE

Scandal.

LOUISE

Maybe. Though it is Paris.

MADELINE

Scandal lite.

LOUISE

All the taste, but much fewer calories.

MADELINE

We could spy.

RORY

Or we could wait for her to come back in to see if she wants us to know.

LOUISE

Those who simply wait for information to find them, spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who go out and find it themselves, have something to say when it rings.

RORY

Nietzsche?

LOUISE

Dawson.

RORY

My next guess. [Paris comes back in.]

LOUISE

So, what was with the confab in the hallway?

MADELINE

We're dying here.

PARIS

Well, Tristin, he... asked me out.

MADELINE

No!!

LOUISE

My, my, my.

MADELINE

Wow, this is amazing. God I'm jealous.

LOUISE

Details please. Don't leave out anything. We want every comma, apostrophe and ampersand.

PARIS

Well he just asked me out.

MADELINE

When?

PARIS

Tonight.

LOUISE

Hmm.

PARIS

What?

LOUISE

Nothing.

PARIS

No, you 'hmm'ed. Why did you 'hmm'?

LOUISE

Forget it.

PARIS

Louise tell me why you 'hmm'ed.

LOUISE

He asked you out for tonight.

MADELINE

Less than 24 hours notice.

PARIS

So? What does that mean?

LOUISE

Usually that someone else cancelled.

RORY

Or maybe he just got up the nerve to ask her out.

MADELINE

Maybe.

LOUISE

This is so amazing. I mean you are so far from Tristin's type.

MADELINE

So, so far.

LOUISE

Tristin usually likes his girls bad.

MADELINE

Looks like we're going to have to do the Pink Ladies makeover on you.

LOUISE

We'll turn you from a sweet Sandy to a sluty Sandy. Dancing at the school fair with high heels, black spandex and permed hair.

MADELINE

You can borrow my water bra.

PARIS

Excuse me?

MADELINE

My water bra. It's like a padded bra but it's filled with some sort of liquid so it moves.

PARIS

It moves?

MADELINE

Yeah.

PARIS

On it's own?

MADELINE

It makes you look natural.

PARIS

Great. Thanks, but I'll pass. Everyone come on, let's get to work.

RORY

I think you're gonna have a really good time.

PARIS

Yeah well, it's just a date right?

RORY

Oh, right.

PARIS

Ok, focus people.

RORY

Do you want one? [point at the clowns]

LORELAI

[running into the house and upstairs] Hi! Five minute talking break while I change. [upstairs] My day - big leak third floor, lots of things going squish that should not be squishing. Michel is not help. And now I'm late for dinner which by the way I'm completely bummed you're not coming to - [holding up shirts] which one - blue, black, good, bad?

RORY

Black.

LORELAI

Ok. Are you sure you can't come?

RORY

Yeah I'm sure. If I'm not prepared tomorrow, Paris is gonna have me sent to the Tower. Although if things go well tonight, I bet it'll help tomorrow.

LORELAI

Tonight?

RORY

Yeah, she's going out on a date with Tristin.

LORELAI

How'd that happen?

RORY

I did a little matchmaking.

LORELAI

[in Ricki Ricardo voice] Lucy, how many times have I told you not to butt into there people's business?

RORY

Never.

LORELAI

[normal voice] Good going.

RORY

That's all.

LORELAI

Alright, well I want details tomorrow now how do I look?

RORY

Beautiful.

LORELAI

[sighs] Ok. My five minutes are up. [grabbing shoes] Let's go. [going downstairs] There is money on the kitchen table and there's really good chocolate cake that I took out and defrosted for you specially this morning and call me if you need me and I'll be home early and what else?

RORY

Don't be mean to Grandma.

LORELAI

Yeah, yeah broken record. Ok, I'm gone.

RORY

Be good.

LORELAI

Bye.

RORY

Bye.

PARIS

[holding clothes] I don't know what to wear.

RORY

Ever?

PARIS

On my date with Tristin. I'm not trendy girl ok? I don't haunt the boutiques hoping to find that one fabulous little top. I study and then I think about studying and then I study some more.

RORY

Do you want to come in?

PARIS

I only have one lipstick at home ok? And it's barely even a color. You put it on and it looks like you're not wearing anything which is why I liked it in the first place. But to date you need the fabulous little top and you need a lipstick that you can actually tell you're wearing.

RORY

Do you want to put that stuff down?

PARIS

You said once that if I ever needed to talk to anymore I could come talk to you.

RORY

Yes I did.

PARIS

Well here I am.

RORY

Ok, can I ask you a question?

PARIS

Ok.

RORY

Why didn't you go to Madeline or Louise about this? I mean they seem to get that 'fabulous little top' thing.

PARIS

Oh yeah that they get. The whole supportive 'You're going to be fine and not throw up 12 times on the way to his car' thing - that they don't get.

RORY

Ok, let's just see what you got.

PARIS

I brought everything just in case there was some sort of hidden potential in something that I just didn't see. So?

RORY

Well you'd be one well dressed widow.

PARIS

Forget it. I'm not going.

RORY

Yes you are. Come on now. This is your entire wardrobe?

PARIS

Yes.

RORY

Nothing's left at home.

PARIS

Nothing but my Chilton uniform and my bat mitzvah dress which has menorahs on the collar.

RORY

Ok let's think. Come on. [going upstairs]

PARIS

Where are you going?

RORY

to our one stop shopping store.

PARIS

Is this your mother's room?

RORY

Yes it is.

PARIS

I can't wear your mother's clothes.

RORY

Yes you can, I do it all the time. What about this? [holding up pink blouse]

PARIS

My mother says the color pink makes my head look small.

RORY

Ok, no pink.

PARIS

This whole thing is so insane.

RORY

Why?

PARIS

Tristin asking me out? Why would he do that?

RORY

Why would he not do that?

PARIS

Because he's gorgeous and experienced and only dates those most likely to become a trophy wife.

RORY

Tristin would be lucky to go out with someone like you. He's not going to have to read the menu to you or explain that the dancing trash bins in the movie theatre previews aren't real. It's going to be much less stressful.

PARIS

All these years I've hoped this would happen and now it has and I feel... I don't know. I don't have a lot of experience in the dating department. I mean if you can't put it on your transcript what's the point right?

RORY

I know. Before Dean I'd never had a boyfriend. Or a kiss.

PARIS

Yeah.

RORY

I never even thought about dating.

PARIS

Then you met Dean.

RORY

Yeah. And he was so special and nice and made me completely nauseous.

PARIS

The best ones do.

RORY

I couldn't even talk around him.

PARIS

I saw you at the dance. You didn't seem to have any trouble talking. Or gazing annoyingly into each others eyes.

RORY

But that was after we'd been dating a little. After we started going out and spending time together, I don't know, it just kind of got easier. And then by the third date everything was perfect.

PARIS

Do you miss him a lot?

RORY

Yeah, a lot, a lot.

PARIS

Sorry.

RORY

Thanks. But tonight is not about me. Tonight is about you going out with Tristin in this outfit. What do you think?

PARIS

It's ok. [Rory gives her a look] It's great.

RORY

Put it on.

PARIS

Are you sure?

RORY

Yeah. Bathroom's down the hall and I'll get you a lipstick with some actual color in it.

PARIS

Ok. [throws her jacket on the bed and note cards fall out of it.]

RORY

Uh, Paris. What are these cards that fell out of your jacket?

PARIS

Oh yeah. Those are notes for tonight.

RORY

Notes?

PARIS

Yeah. Just some reference points really - you know subjects to bring up in case the conversation lags.

RORY

Well can I suggest that you leave this one about the Spanish Inquisition out?

PARIS

It's not very romantic?

RORY

Not really.

PARIS

Ok, I'm dressed.

RORY

How's it look?

PARIS

Bad.

RORY

Well I don't really trust your opinion on that subject so come out here please.

PARIS

Fine but it looks bad. [opens bathroom door]

RORY

You look great!

PARIS

I feel weird.

RORY

Well then weird works for you because you look amazing.

PARIS

Really? You're not just saying that?

RORY

I swear to God.

PARIS

Are you atheist?

RORY

Excuse me?

PARIS

Because that affects the validity of your swearing to God.

RORY

You look great. And I wouldn't tell you you did if you didn't.

PARIS

Ok, well if you think it looks ok.

RORY

I believe the word 'amazing' was used.

PARIS

Then I'll wear it. Thanks.

RORY

Anytime.

PARIS

I have to go.

RORY

Lipstick.

PARIS

You're going to hold this evening over my head for the rest of my life aren't you?

RORY

Probably.

PARIS

Bye.

TRIX

What did you think about the rabbit?

LORELAI

Oh, I thought it was wonderful.

TRIX

You know I brought it with me.

LORELAI

Excuse me?

TRIX

From London. London has the best game.

RICHARD

Mm.

LORELAI

You brought it with you from London?

TRIX

Yes.

LORELAI

What, did you get it a seat?

EMILY

Dry ice.

LORELAI

Wow! That's inventive.

TRIX

Well it looks like we're finished here.

RICHARD

Let's retire to the living room for a brandy.

TRIX

Yes. Lorelai, walk with me. I have something that I want to discuss with you.

LORELAI

Ok.

TRIX

I've been thinking about something I heard the other night.

LORELAI

What was that?

TRIX

That you borrowed money from your parents for Rory's school.

LORELAI

Well if you're worried about them getting the money back -

TRIX

You know Shakespeare once wrote 'Neither a borrower nor a lender be'. Do you consider Shakespeare a wise man?

LORELAI

Uh, sure, yeah.

EMILY

We certainly don't mind loaning Lorelai the money if that's what you're worried about.

RICHARD

Certainly not. Rory is first priority in this house.

TRIX

I'm not concerned about whether you mind or not. Loaning money is a dirty business. It's distasteful and I don't care for it. As you know, I came into town to check up on the family investments and to talk with our lawyers. I have some things to put in order, and one of them is setting up a trust fund for Rory.

LORELAI

Wh - that's amazing. Really?

TRIX

Now normally I would set up a fund that she would have access to when she's 25. However, considering the situation, if you like, I will arrange for her to get it now.

LORELAI

Now?!

EMILY

Now?!

TRIX

That way she can use it to pay for Chilton.

LORELAI

Oh Gran, I don't know what to say, that is so generous of you.

RICHARD

My mother is a very special woman isn't she?

TRIX

You talk about me like I'm dead.

RICHARD

Oh you're never going to die! You're too stubborn!

LORELAI

Gran this is - I don't know what to say.

TRIX

Nothing now would be preferable. I have arranged for you and your mother and I to have tea tomorrow before I leave. Say it then. Good night Emily.

EMILY

Good night.

RICHARD

Well I'll just uh, walk mother upstairs and be right back.

LORELAI

Wow! That was quite a bomb she just dropped.

EMILY

It certainly was.

LORELAI

God! Um, I guess I should be going. Thanks for dinner Mom. I'll see you tomorrow. [leaves]

EMILY

Lorelai... [follows her to foyer] You're not honestly considering accepting that money are you?

LORELAI

Um yeah, of course I'm considering it.

EMILY

I don't think that's very wise.

LORELAI

Why not?

EMILY

Because she's a young girl. She won't know the first thing about managing that money.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, I'll help her.

EMILY

You don't know the first thing about managing that money either.

LORELAI

No, but I've very familiar with the second thing.

EMILY

How can you not see the pitfalls in accepting that money?

LORELAI

Mom.

EMILY

I mean you're the one that brags about how special your relationship with Rory is. I'm stunned that you want to jeopardize it like this.

LORELAI

What are you talking about?

EMILY

Well you know as well as I do that money is freedom.

LORELAI

And?

EMILY

If Rory has that money she won't need you anymore.

LORELAI

I don't know Mom, she's 16. There's still a couple of ways I might come in handy, you know buying the beer that kind of stuff.

EMILY

Well I'm glad you thing losing your daughter is so funny.

LORELAI

Mom.

EMILY

She'll be self sufficient, she won't need you to pay for anything, she won't have to turn to you.

LORELAI

Everything in a relationship isn't about money mom.

EMILY

She'll move out as soon as she can.

LORELAI

So what.

EMILY

She won't need your help to put her through college, she won't need you to buy a car.

LORELAI

Ok you know what? Say goodbye to Dad for me as soon as the voices in your head subside.

EMILY

Why should she wait to backpack around Europe with you? She could afford to go herself. And she could take a friend or a boyfriend or anyone.

LORELAI

Yeah well she wants to go with me.

EMILY

Well now of course she does she doesn't have options. But the minute you give her options...

LORELAI

Ok, that's it. You're nuts and I'm going - in that order. [leaves]

EMILY

It's terrible not to be needed. You'll see!

SOOKIE

That is amazing!

LORELAI

I know. One minute it's 'pass the pot roast' the next minute it's 'hey, here's have a pile of money'. Things are never boring at the Gilmore house.

SOOKIE

What did Rory say when you told her?

LORELAI

I haven't told her yet.

SOOKIE

What?!

LORELAI

She was asleep when I got home.

SOOKIE

Hi, for that much money you wake her up! You hire a singing telegram! Women jump out of cakes! People dress up like bankers and dance around with those toasters!

LORELAI

Well she's been working her butt off all week on this Chilton paper, so I let her sleep and I'll tell her tonight.

SOOKIE

Call her now. Ooh, page her, or page her and have her call my cell phone and we can sing the money song from 'Cabaret'. You be Liza, I'll be Joel.

LORELAI

I don't know.

SOOKIE

Hey I'm Joel.

LORELAI

I don't want to bother her while she's at school. I can never decide, carnations tacky or trendy?

SOOKIE

You don't want to tell her.

LORELAI

Yeah I do. I think.

SOOKIE

Oh well I understand the hesitation.

LORELAI

You do?

SOOKIE

Absolutely. I mean who wants to be the bearer of good news. All that hugging and happiness - nightmare.

LORELAI

I was, I was thrilled when Gran told me about it and I was going to tell Rory about it right away.

SOOKIE

But?

LORELAI

My mother...

SOOKIE

Ah.

LORELAI

...cornered me by the door saying all this stuff about how when Rory gets the money she's not going to need me and she's gonna move out of the house sooner.

SOOKIE

What? That's crazy!

LORELAI

I know it is, it's crazy and yet...

SOOKIE

Honey come on. The woman's just trying to mess with your mind, you know that.

LORELAI

I do.

SOOKIE

She just doesn't want to lose control of you. She wants you to be permanently obligated to her.

LORELAI

I know, I know that.

SOOKIE

So then what? You don't believe what she said do you?

LORELAI

I don't know. I mean you're right - what you're saying about she wants to mess with my mind and make me feel obligated but I mean, what if the money does change our relationship?

SOOKIE

Impossible.

LORELAI

Well anything's possible.

SOOKIE

Come on.

LORELAI

I couldn't stand that. I like things the way they are now.

SOOKIE

Lorelai, this is Rory we're talking about.

LORELAI

I know.

SOOKIE

She's like the most unmaterialistic kid in the world.

LORELAI

Not it's not about what she would buy. I don't care if she buys a house or a boat or the elephant man's bones. It's just that - you know, it's about the freedom. I mean if I had access to all that money as a kid I would have left the house so fast.

SOOKIE

Faster than 17?

LORELAI

No I mean - God I know this is crazy. I have my mother's voice stuck in my head. It's like that annoying Cranberries song. I hate that I let her do this! I have that I let her get to me!

SOOKIE

Well then don't let her. Call Rory and tell her about the money and you'll see that nothing will be any different.

LORELAI

I don't want her to go to Europe without me. That was going to be our thing.

SOOKIE

She's not going to go without you. I promise.

LORELAI

Hey - [looks at Sookie's watch] Aw! No! I've got to go home.

SOOKIE

Why? What are you doing?

LORELAI

I have to change and go to tea with Gran and the cast of 'Gaslight'.

SOOKIE

Wow, I'll see you later.

LORELAI

Bye.

RICHARD

You're hysterical, I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.

EMILY

Well you make me hysterical.

RICHARD

I am tired of fighting about this.

EMILY

You have to got to get her to take that offer back.

RICHARD

No.

EMILY

Richard Gilmore I have put up with a lot from this woman over the years...

RICHARD

Keep your voice down.

EMILY

But this time she's gone too far!

RICHARD

Emily please.

EMILY

I can go louder!

RICHARD

If I do as you ask, I'll be insulting my mother. I will not do that.

EMILY

Now you listen to me. I don't care if she demeans me and looks down on me. I don't care if she thinks I've tarnished the Gilmore name. I don't care if she thinks I'm the whore of Babylon. I've long ago given up any hope of getting into her psychotic good graces, but that woman is horrible and selfish. And she's not going to get away with it. I won't let her.

RICHARD

This is my mother you're talking about.

EMILY

Yes it is. Your mother, the one who stepped in without being asked and single-handedly wrecked everything!

RICHARD

Emily, what is this about?

EMILY

She'll never come back here you know.

RICHARD

Who? Mother, of course she will she -

EMILY

Lorelai.

RICHARD

What?

EMILY

If she gets that money, Lorelai will never come back here. She won't have to.

TRIX

I've ordered a car, women shouldn't drive. Are you ready? [heads for the door]

EMILY

Yes I'm ready. [looks at Richard]

TRIX

I shall die soon you know!

PARIS

Well aren't we early. Trying to suck up to Parliament?

RORY

Hey how'd it go last night?

PARIS

It went.

RORY

It went well?

PARIS

Well he picked me up. We went to dinner and a movie. I didn't use my note cards once and he kissed me good night.

RORY

Paris I'm so glad!

PARIS

It was a great kiss.

RORY

See? All that nervousness for nothing.

PARIS

Yeah. God this is so weird. I can't stop smiling.

RORY

Good, then it's a good time to talk about our over taxed peasants.

PARIS

Oh let them eat cake.

TRISTIN

[walking by them] Hey.

RORY

Don't look at me. I didn't kiss you.

PARIS

Hi.

TRISTIN

Hey.

PARIS

I just wanted to tell you again that I had so much fun last night.

TRISTIN

Yeah, after five messages on my answering machine, I kinda got that impression.

PARIS

Too much, sorry.

TRISTIN

No forget it, it was cute.

PARIS

You know, maybe we could do it again sometime. I mean a different movie of course but the same basic plan.

TRISTIN

Absolutely.

PARIS

Great, because it was really fun.

TRISTIN

It was fun and we should do it again. I mean you know - as friends.

PARIS

Oh, yeah as friends. [disappointed]

TRISTIN

You noticed it too right? That we're sort of more friends material than dating material?

PARIS

Yes I did notice. I have excellent deductive skills.

TRISTIN

But hey, I'm glad we did it.

PARIS

Oh sure.

TRISTIN

When Rory first suggested us going out I thought the idea was crazy but she made some good points. We do have some history and well, you never know right?

PARIS

Yes you never know. Ok, so we're done here right?

TRISTIN

Uh sure.

PARIS

Great. Excuse me. [walks over to Rory who just entered classroom]

RORY

What?

PARIS

It was your idea?

RORY

Paris.

PARIS

So what, I get all your cast offs now?! I'm just that pathetic?! 'Jee I don't want them so maybe I can con the suckers into taking out Paris the loser'! Throw the dog a bone!

RORY

Ok let me -

PARIS

I am not your charity case!

RORY

No it's not like that, I swear. I just thought you guys would make a good couple that's all.

PARIS

We did make a good couple - for one night! But obviously we're more suited to just being friends or at least that was what was conveyed so humiliatingly to me just five seconds ago.

RORY

Paris, I'm sorry -

PARIS

I hate you! [storms out and Madeline and Louise who came in and caught the tail end follow her]

RORY

[goes up to Tristin] You told her?

TRISTIN

I didn't know it was a secret.

RORY

Why would you tell her? What is wrong with you?!

TRISTIN

Rory relax, we tried ok, it didn't work out, it's not big deal.

RORY

It's a huge deal to Paris and you didn't try. One date isn't trying.

TRISTIN

Rory -

RORY

You said you'd try.

TRISTIN

Hey, I'm sorry Paris is upset ok? But is it better that I keep dating her even thought I like somebody else?

RORY

Oh.

TRISTIN

Yeah.

RORY

I didn't realize. So... you're still not over Summer huh?

TRISTIN

[semi-sarcastically] Yeah, I'm not over Summer yet. [leaves, Rory looks confused or feels bad for him]

LORELAI

Hi.

EMILY

Hello.

LORELAI

Where's Gran?

EMILY

Torturing the bathroom attendant I suppose.

LORELAI

Ah. So um, this place seems clean.

EMILY

Yes, it's famous for it's cleanliness. So what did Rory say when you told her? About the money I mean. She must have been very excited.

LORELAI

Yes she was. Rose tea. That's funny. That's not really tea is it? It's like rose petals in hot water. More like a bad floral arrangement.

EMILY

Well what did Rory say, fill me in?

LORELAI

She was happy.

EMILY

Happy?

LORELAI

Yeah - she screamed she did that air-lasso thing over her head.

EMILY

Lorelai be serious.

LORELAI

She was asleep when I got home Mom so I couldn't tell her.

EMILY

She doesn't know?

LORELAI

No.

EMILY

Well... something I said must've really struck a chord with you.

LORELAI

Excuse me?

EMILY

You didn't tell her so you must have had a reason.

LORELAI

Ah she was asleep Mom, I just told you that.

EMILY

The only thing I can think of is that you must have reconsidered based on our conversation.

LORELAI

I didn't reconsider.

EMILY

I mean yesterday you could hardly wait to get home to announce your great fortune to her. Today all you can talk about is rose petal tea.

LORELAI

Yes well, it's a little weird.

EMILY

And you haven't told her that now she has her own money to put herself through school, to go to Europe -

LORELAI

Stop right now. This is just like you to take something that should be great and twist it into something ugly. Why do you do that? What is wrong with you?

EMILY

There's nothing wrong with me.

LORELAI

Yes there is. There's something seriously wrong with you. You should be studied.

EMILY

I don't understand why you're getting so upset. I respect the decision that you made.

LORELAI

I made no decision.

EMILY

Whatever you say.

LORELAI

Ok, you know what? I'm going to call her and uh, tell her right now. [looks for her cell]

EMILY

No you're not.

LORELAI

Yes in fact I am. [moving phone around her]

EMILY

What are you doing?

LORELAI

The reception sucks in here.

EMILY

Stop it, you look like you're having a fit.

LORELAI

Ok, well I'm gonna go find a payphone. [gets up]

EMILY

[stopping her] You're grandmother will be back any second. Just have a sandwich.

LORELAI

Have a sandwich? That's what you have to say to me? Have a sandwich.

EMILY

Well what do you want me to say?

LORELAI

I want you to say that you are sorry you tried to talk me out of taking this money. That you realize that you're just being petty and controlling and mean and that you know there's no amount of money that can change the relationship Rory and I have. That's what I want you to say - say that.

EMILY

I will not.

LORELAI

Well say it Mom, or I'm finding a payphone.

TRIX

Lorelai - you're here.

LORELAI

Hi Gran.

TRIX

So have you ordered the tea yet?

EMILY

No not yet.

TRIX

Well good because I'm afraid I'm going to have to take my leave of you a little earlier than I had anticipated.

LORELAI

What, why?

TRIX

My train leaves tonight and I have a little last minute packing to do.

EMILY

Well I can help you with the packing.

TRIX

Plus I really don't wish to witness anymore of this ugly little fight you two seem to be having. Raising your voice during high tea, who ever heard of such a thing. It's like Fergi all over again.

LORELAI

Oh Gran please, I'm so sorry. We're done. Please don't leave.

TRIX

I can see now that offering that trust fund was a bad idea. After all, taking into account the maturity level of those involved, this large amount of money would probably not be safe.

LORELAI

No Gran, that isn't true. Rory is an incredibly mature kid.

TRIX

Oh I'm sure she is. It's you I'm worried about.

LORELAI

But -

TRIX

. [to Emily] And I'm sure she gets it from you.

EMILY

But -

TRIX

Tell Rory goodbye for me. You two are welcome to visit me in London anytime. Emily, please get my coat. I will meet you outside. [leaves]

LORELAI

Well you won.

EMILY

I did not win.

LORELAI

You didn't want me to take the money and I'm not taking the money. That's called winning.

EMILY

I'm sorry.

LORELAI

No you're not.

EMILY

Well... yes I am.

LORELAI

Forget it Mom, it's not big deal.

EMILY

No it is a big deal. Here Rory had this wonderful opportunity and we - and I... maybe I can talk to her.

LORELAI

Oh yes that'll work.

EMILY

Well I'll go to your father.

LORELAI

Mom...

EMILY

He can talk to her. He can fix it. I'll make him fix it. [takes out cell and dials] Ugh damn reception. Well I'll go to a payphone.

LORELAI

Mom, Mom, stay here.

EMILY

Yes but Chilton.

LORELAI

Rory can still go to Chilton unless you're rethinking our agreement.

EMILY

No, not at all. I'm not rethinking anything.

LORELAI

Ok then we're good.

EMILY

Are you sure?

LORELAI

We're good.

EMILY

Well I'd better get out there before she leaves me here.

LORELAI

I'm sure you'll be sorry to see her go.

EMILY

Oh yes, I don't know what I'll do with my self. We'll see you Friday?

LORELAI

See you Friday. [Emily turns to leave] Hey Mom?

EMILY

Yes? [turning back]

LORELAI

Can I ask you a favor.

EMILY

Anything, anything at all.

LORELAI

Don't make us take the coat rack back.

EMILY

Deal.

LORELAI

Hi.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Here [giving her a coffee]

RORY

Thanks. I thought you were gonna have tea today.

LORELAI

Uh, we did, we finished.

RORY

Finished early.

LORELAI

Yeah well once you're done with those little sandwiches, there's not reason to pretend you like tea anymore.

RORY

Oh I totally understand. Listen there's something I have to tell you.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

I loaned Paris your black mini and there's a good chance you may never see it again.

LORELAI

Oh well there's something I have to tell you.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You lost out on $250,000 dollars today.

RORY

What?!