T1E17: “The Breakup, Part 2”

LORELAI

Tell me what happened.

RORY

We broke up, we just broke up.

LORELAI

But I don’t understand.

RORY

We - we went to dinner and then we walked by the bonfire but it wasn’t lit so we went to this junkyard and we sat in this car and then - oh God!

LORELAI

What?

RORY

I forgot your meatball in the car.

LORELAI

Oh honey, forget it.

RORY

Oh I can’t believe I left your meatball in the car.

LORELAI

Ok, ok, come on [as they sit on the couch]

RORY

After I told the waiter to wrap it up and everything. And everyone was like ‘what do you want with one meatball?’ And I was like ‘It’s a mother/daughter thing.’ And I’m sure he thought I was nuts but he was so nice and he did it anyway and he uh, he brought one of those tin foil swans or duck or some kind of bird and - and then I left it in the car.

LORELAI

Ok, forget about the meatball ok? Just tell me what happened.

RORY

He just broke up with me ok?

LORELAI

That doesn’t make sense. This is Dean we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It’s one step away from stalker material.

RORY

I have to go to bed. [gets up and heads for her room]

LORELAI

Well, wait. Take me through the night step by step.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

So I can help decipher what happened here.

RORY

What happened here is we broke up. He didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore, end of story.

LORELAI

That is so not end of story.

RORY

Yes it is.

LORELAI

Honey, he did not plan an entire romantic evening complete with dinner and a junkyard, which we’ll get back to later, and then suddenly decide to dump you for no reason.

RORY

How do you know? [as she pulls out a box from her closet.]

LORELAI

Because I have read every Nancy Drew mystery ever written. The one about the Amish country, twice. I know there’s more to the story than what you’re telling me. What are you doing?

RORY

I’m getting rid of all this stuff.

LORELAI

What stuff?

RORY

Everything he gave me, everything he touched, everything he looked at.

LORELAI

Honey, will you just calm down for just one second.

RORY

He doesn’t want to be my boyfriend - fine.

LORELAI

Ok ,it will be fine but - [taking one of the shirts Rory was about to put in the box]

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Mine.

RORY

Oh.

LORELAI

Is there someone else?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Is he moving?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Uh, is he dying? Did his football team lose a game?

RORY

What ?

LORELAI

It’s happened. Did he, um, try something?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You know, did he wanna...

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Did he wanna go faster than you -

RORY

God no!

LORELAI

Ok, ok, I’m sorry.

RORY

Jeez..

LORELAI

You’re just not giving me a lot to go off of here. Honey that’s your fancy dress that I made for you.

RORY

That I wore to a dance that I went to with him.

LORELAI

Oh yeah. Sweater’s brand-new.

RORY

Well he saw me in it yesterday and he liked it.

LORELAI

Well then he’s got good taste.

RORY

He said it brought out the blue in my eyes.

LORELAI

Well then he’s gay.

RORY

You’re not funny and it goes.

LORELAI

I’m a little funny and if you throw away everything Dean ever saw you wear you’re gonna be walking around in a towel. Colonel Clucker? Are you serious? He has been with you since you were four.

RORY

The first time Dean came over, he picked it up.

LORELAI

Well that’s the not the colonel’s fault. He was sitting there minding his own business and a guy comes in and picks him up, what’s a stuffed bird to do?

RORY

I don’t want to joke about this, not now.

LORELAI

Ok.

RORY

Here. [giving her the box] I don’t want to look at that anymore.

LORELAI

Ok, I’ll, um, I’ll put it away.

RORY

No, take it out of the house. Throw it in a dumpster, burn it, I don’t care. Just - I want it gone.

LORELAI

You know honey, some day, when all of this is in the past, you may be sorry that you don’t have some of those things anymore.

RORY

I don’t care.

LORELAI

But Rory -

RORY

I don’t care!

LORELAI

Ok. Fine. It’s gone.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

So I’ll take care of this and you go to bed and get some rest. Maybe you’ll fell more like talking in the morning.

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

Honey, good night.

RORY

Mom...

LORELAI

Yeah.

RORY

Far, far away from the house ok?

LORELAI

Hey, it sleeps with the fishes.

RORY

Thank you. [Lorelai puts the box in a closet instead and covers it with a blanket.]

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

Mmm.

RORY

Mom get up.

LORELAI

Rory what’s the matter?

RORY

Nothing, I just want to get started. I made a list of all the things we say we’re going to do on the weekend but then when the weekend comes around you say they’re too boring to actually do one a weekend day, so then you say we’ll do them during the week, which of course we never do. So I think that we should get them all out of the way today once and for all. And to make it interesting, we should come up with like a reward system so once we’re done with everything on the list we could go get manicures or we could go to the Swiss place for fondue for dinner or we could stuff our purses full of sour patch kids and milk duds and go see the Stars Hollow elementary school production of ‘Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolfe.’

LORELAI

It’s 6:00.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

On Saturday morning.

RORY

That’s right.

LORELAI

It’s 6:00 on Saturday morning!

RORY

Do you want to wear docks or sneakers?

LORELAI

I want to wear slippers.

RORY

Up please.

LORELAI

Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest.

RORY

Sunday’s the day of rest.

LORELAI

No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest.

RORY

Pre-rest?

LORELAI

Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you’re rested enough to enjoy your rest.

RORY

That makes absolutely no sense.

LORELAI

That’s because it’s 6:00 on Saturday morning. [Rory uncovers her] Oh jeez!

RORY

Up please!

LORELAI

You make a rhyme.

RORY

I’ll see you downstairs.

LORELAI

Ugh!

LORELAI

Hello. Did you rearrange the furniture?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

Good, cause for a minute there I thought we were having a problem with decorator elves and I was gonna have to call an exterminator and tent the place but it was just you. Great. Good. So now was there any reason that you just suddenly felt the need to move around large pieces of furniture first thing in the morning?

RORY

I was up, it was there.

LORELAI

Ok good thought process. Great. Now I noticed you didn’t move the tv though.

RORY

It was too heavy.

LORELAI

Right, ok. Well I like this, yeah, this is good. Now of course when the sofa actually faced the tv it made it a little easier to watch but you know this is good too. It’ll be like um, you know like radio.

RORY

Are you ready to go?

LORELAI

Yes I am, just uh, just one quick sec. Um, why don’t you - could you put the pen down?

RORY

Just finishing the list.

LORELAI

Yes I see and as much as I love your list, let’s just finish this particular one in a little while ok?

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

Rory, I’m concerned about you. I wish you would talk to me.

RORY

I don’t want to deal with it right now. I can’t deal with it right now.

LORELAI

Fair enough. But listen, I’ve had my heart broken before. It’s really hard. It’s hard for everyone, so can I give you a little advice.

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

I think what you really need to do today is wallow.

RORY

Wallow?

LORELAI

Oh yeah, get back in your pajamas, go to bed, eat nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza, don’t take a shower or shave your legs or put on any kind of make up at all and just sit in the dark and watch a really sad movie and have a good long cry and just wallow. You need to wallow.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Rory, your first love is intense and your first break up even more intense. Shoving it away and ignoring it while you make lists it’s not gonna help.

RORY

I don’t want to wallow.

LORELAI

Try it for one day.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

One day, one day of pizza and pajamas. I’ll rent ‘Love Story’ and ‘The Champ’, ’An Affair to Remember’, ‘Ishtar’.

RORY

I don’t want to be that kind of girl.

LORELAI

the kind of girl that watches ‘Ishtar’?

RORY

The kind of girl who just falls apart because she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

LORELAI

That description hardly applies to you.

RORY

It will if I wallow.

LORELAI

Not true.

RORY

So I used to have a boyfriend and now I don’t. Ok, that’s just the way it is. I mean sitting in the dark eating junk food and not shaving my legs isn’t gonna change that, is it?

LORELAI

No.

RORY

Ok, so I don’t even want to go there. I have things to do, I have school and Harvard to think about.

LORELAI

Honey, Harvard is like three years away.

RORY

But now is the time to be preparing for it. I mean Harvard is hard to get into and I don’t know why I even spend my time thinking about anything else.

LORELAI

Because you have a pulse and you are not the president of the audio visual club.

RORY

I’m 16, I have the rest of my life to have a boyfriend. I should be keeping my eye on the prize right now.

LORELAI

I admire your attitude.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

So should we rent ‘Old Yeller’ too or is that just a guy’s crying movie.

RORY

You’re not listening to me.

LORELAI

I am listening to you, I just - I don’t agree with you.

RORY

I don’t want to wallow, and you can’t make me.

LORELAI

Ok. Fine.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

So that must be the list.

RORY

Yes it is.

LORELAI

May I see it please? We do not need a garden hose.

RORY

We don’t have one.

LORELAI

We don’t have a garden either.

RORY

But maybe if we have a hose we can grow one.

LORELAI

Can I see the pen please?

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

Small adjustment, small adjustment. [writes something on the list and hands the list back to Rory]

RORY

Mom...

LORELAI

What? It’s on the list. Don’t you have to do it if it’s on the list?!

RORY

I’m not going to wallow [crossing it out]

LORELAI

But I put it after going to the recycling center.

LORELAI

What are all these people doing up? It’s Saturday morning.

RORY

Some people like getting up early.

LORELAI

You lie.

RORY

No they do it voluntarily.

LORELAI

Really?

RORY

Everyday.

LORELAI

Ha! Jumpback!

RORY

Excuse me?

LORELAI

Kevin Bacon, Footloose, reaction to the no dancing in town rule is revealed to him by Chris Penn, brother to Sean, sage to all.

RORY

I shoulda known.

LORELAI

Yes you should. I don’t know what they teach you in that damn school. [Rory stops walking] What?

RORY

I can’t go that way.

LORELAI

Why, we’re going to Luke’s.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

You pull me out of bed at 6:00 in the morning and then you say ‘no’ to Luke’s? Don’t you know how dangerous that is?

RORY

I can’t go that way.

LORELAI

Reason please?

RORY

Because we’d have to go by Doose’s market.

LORELAI

So?

RORY

So we might run into -

LORELAI

Oh.

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

Right. Um, you don’t know if he’s working?

RORY

I don’t remember. His weekend schedule changes a lot.

LORELAI

Ok, well we’ll just take the long way.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

We’d have to go by the school.

LORELAI

But there’s no school today.

RORY

But on his days off from work he plays football at the school with some of his friends.

LORELAI

Well what time?

RORY

It varies.

LORELAI

Ok, well we’ll just go down Peach street, we’ll circle around, you’re shaking your head why?

RORY

He lives on Peach.

LORELAI

Rory, honey, love of my life, you realize you’ve completely cut us from Luke’s where the happy coffee is.

RORY

I’m sorry.

LORELAI

No, it’s ok, it’s ok. Ok, we’ll just um, well, we’ll figure something out.

RORY

Sorry.

LORELAI

No, this is good. This is like ‘G.I. Jane’ but we get to keep our hair.

RORY

I just couldn’t.

LORELAI

Oh honey, say no more. Think of this as an adventure. Two girls battling the elements, desperate for survival.

RORY

Or coffee.

LORELAI

Same thing.

RORY

You know I bet you can tell a lot about people from their garbage.

LORELAI

Yeah.

RORY

Think about it, trash is discarded aspect of people’s lives.

LORELAI

Hmm.

RORY

It talks about their eating habits, what they read, do they go to concerts, are they responsible, do they pay bills on time?

LORELAI

Yeah, you do know honey, that garbage doesn’t actually talk at all unless it’s on Sesame Street.

RORY

I’m just trying to make a point.

LORELAI

That going through people’s garbage is interesting.

RORY

And educational.

LORELAI

And stinky and a little nuts.

RORY

There’s nothing nuts about wanting to know more about human nature. [picking up an article of clothing from a pile of garbage] Curiosity is how we grow.

LORELAI

Bah! [making her drop it and pulling her out of the alley] We have to get you out of this alley.

LORELAI

Who are all these people?

RORY

It’s the 6:00 am crowd.

LORELAI

I officially recognize nobody in this place.

RACHEL

Hey.

LORELAI

Oh hi.

RACHEL

Coffee while you wait?

LORELAI

Oh bless you. [she pours coffee] So Luke put you to work huh?

RACHEL

Yeah well I figured if I’m going to be hanging around here for a while the least I could do is help out.

LORELAI

So you’re gonna be hanging around for a while...here?

RACHEL

Yeah I think so.

LORELAI

Oh well that’s nice.

RACHEL

Yeah.

RORY

So where is Luke?

RACHEL

Well we were kind of up late last night so I let him sleep in.

LORELAI

Sleep in? Luke?

RACHEL

Oh believe me it wasn’t easy to get him to agree to it, but in the end, a little sweet talk, a couple of Excedrin PM he finally caved.

RORY

Hey there’s a seat over there.

LORELAI

Great.

RACHEL

Oh go, go! I’ll be over in a sec.

LORELAI

Ok.

RORY

I feel like everyone is staring at me.

LORELAI

Well yeah, because you’ve got a banana peel stuck to your foot.

RORY

I do?

LORELAI

I’m kidding. Nobody’s staring at you.

RORY

They know.

LORELAI

They don’t know.

RORY

It’s probably all around town by now.

LORELAI

Honey it just happened last night, it’s like 6:00 in the morning.

RORY

Everyone knows that I’ve been dumped.

LORELAI

Do you want to go home?

RORY

No, we have a list.

LORELAI

Ok great. I’m gonna order us something. Any preference - eggs, french toast, key to the dumpster?

RORY

I don’t care.

LORELAI

Ok, I’ll be right back. [heads for the counter and runs into Miss Patty]

MISS PATTY

Lorelai, what a nice surprise so early in the morning. So how’s things?

LORELAI

You know don’t you?

MISS PATTY

Yes and I feel awful. I feel completely responsible.

LORELAI

Well you should. [smiling]

MISS PATTY

Well I got Dean that job and I certainly encouraged them, I felt they were so right together.

LORELAI

Miss Patty, please don’t say anything to Rory about it, she’s a little concerned about everybody finding out.

MISS PATTY

Oh of course, not a peep.

LORELAI

And spread the word ok?

MISS PATTY

Consider it done. Oh and Lorelai, would you give the angel a hug for me. I mean you don’t have to say it’s from me, just give her a hug.

LORELAI

Got it.

MISS PATTY

Ok. [leaves. Lorelai head for the counter as Luke comes down the stairs]

LORELAI

Oh well, uh, good morning sleeping beauty.

LUKE

Yeah, well you know Rachel thought I looked a little tired.

LORELAI

No, it’s good. You need a little break.

LUKE

I guess.

LORELAI

You do. So she seems pretty comfortable here huh?

LUKE

Yeah well she always could just fit in places you know. It’s a talent of hers.

LORELAI

She looks good in your apron.

LUKE

Yeah well, can I get you anything?

LORELAI

Oh, um, do you think you could make those really crazy chocolate chip pancakes and go extra heavy on the chocolate?

LUKE

Yeah sure, any special occasion?

LORELAI

[sighs] Dean broke up with Rory.

LUKE

What?!

LORELAI

Keep it down, she doesn’t want anybody to know about it.

LUKE

Oh I knew it, I just knew that kid was trouble.

LORELAI

Yes you did, you knew it. Pancakes please.

LUKE

Oh God, he’s got a nerve. I mean what does he think he’s gonna do better than Rory? Is he crazy? Jeez. Alright, well forget it ok. Good riddance, adios, bienvenidos, hasta la vista.

LORELAI

Could we get off the small world ride and start cooking please?

LUKE

How is she?

LORELAI

She’s been dumped by her first boyfriend.

LUKE

Oh man, I swear I would love to - ok, I’m gonna put some whipped cream on the pancakes too.

LORELAI

Thank you Luke.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Not a word ok?

LUKE

I got it. [Lorelai turns around and sees Kirk talking to Rory]

KIRK

I never liked him. I don’t know what it was, something about the shape of his forehead or his height or the floppy hair style. Actually yes, on reflection I think it was the floppy hair style.

LORELAI

Hey good morning Kirk.

KIRK

Lorelai, I want to express my apologies for not voicing my concerns about that floppy haired jerk earlier because if I had -

LORELAI

Oh you know what - you need to leave now.

KIRK

I cannot go until you accept my apology.

LORELAI

I accept your apology.

KIRK

Alright.

LORELAI

Ok.

KIRK

It will not happen again. [Kirk leaves]

LORELAI

Ok.

RORY

Thank you.

LORELAI

Honey are you sure you don’t want to -

RORY

Don’t say ‘wallow’.

LORELAI

Swallow your coffee before you eat?

RORY

I am fine.

LORELAI

But if you could see the look on your face.

RORY

It’s the same look you had on your face when you broke up with Max. Did wallowing help you get over him?

LORELAI

I’m not saying wallowing will help you get over Dean. It’s part of the process. It’s the mourning period. It’s a step, an important step. The only thing that will get you over somebody is time.

RORY

How much time did it take you to get over Max?

LORELAI

I’m not sure exactly.

RORY

Approximately?

LORELAI

I didn’t clock it.

RORY

Ballpark figure?

LORELAI

A while.

RORY

Be vaguer.

LORELAI

Rory come on.

LUKE

More coffee? Pancakes are coming right up, anything else I can get you?

RORY

No thanks.

LUKE

Hey I’ve got some strawberries back there, you like strawberries don’t you?

RORY

Yeah I like strawberries but -

LUKE

I’m getting you strawberries. [moves to the next table]

RORY

You told him didn’t you?

LORELAI

No. Miss Patty did. [Luke sees Dean heading towards the diner and as he goes out to meet him, Rory and Lorelai keep talking.]

RORY

Well who told Miss Patty?

LORELAI

I don’t know, numerous sources.

LUKE

Stop right there.

DEAN

What?

LUKE

Where are you going?

DEAN

To get coffee.

LUKE

Wrong.

DEAN

Excuse me?

LUKE

You’re not going in there buddy.

DEAN

What are you talking about?

LUKE

Turn around bag boy.

DEAN

Are you serious?

LUKE

Do you see a smile on my face?

DEAN

No but what’s different about that?

LUKE

What’s that supposed to mean?

DEAN

It’s just that you’re not exactly known as the town crack up.

LUKE

So you’re a smart guy now huh?

DEAN

What are you doing?

LUKE

Just exercising my right not to serve you.

DEAN

What are you talking about? I’m not even inside yet. [tries to get away but they end up wrestling] Let go of me!

LUKE

You first.

RORY

If you tell Miss Patty, everybody in town is gonna know.

LORELAI

Honey people have their own lives and their own problems. I hardly think you and Dean breaking up is the main thing on their minds. [sees Luke and Dean wrestling outside] Oh my God! Oh!

RORY

What? [sees them wrestling] Oh my God.

LORELAI

Hey, hey, hey, cut it out! Break it up! [to Luke]You back off! Come here! What do you think you’re doing?!

LUKE

He started it!

LORELAI

By doing what?

LUKE

He was coming in.

LORELAI

Are you a lunatic! He’s 16!

LUKE

Well what was I supposed to do?!

LORELAI

Well stand in the middle of the street and have a slap fight of course! Come here! [taking him inside]

RORY

[to Dean] Are you ok?

DEAN

I’m fine.

RORY

Oh good, I don’t know what go into Luke. He’s usually so -

DEAN

I have to go.

RORY

Oh sure, bye. [leaves as Luke follows him]

LORELAI

Get inside now. Inside - now!

LUKE

He started it. [goes inside.]

LORELAI

Hey.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

So where’s that list?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

The list, we’ve got a lot to do Missy, otherwise I’m gonna be dragging your butt outta bed at 6:00 again tomorrow morning. So, where do we start?

RORY

[pulling out list] Well we need a soap dish for the kitchen

LORELAI

Ah, a kitchen soap dish. Quite decadent but what the hell, let’s go.

RORY

Well that was a very successful outing for us.

LORELAI

Yes it was.

RORY

We got everything on the list except for the brown extension cord.

LORELAI

Which will be in on Tuesday.

RORY

So I think that that qualifies as a check too.

LORELAI

Are you happy?

RORY

I appreciate a job well done, yeah.

LORELAI

I can’t wait to try the toaster pizza. It looks so gross which is usually the mark for a great junk food.

RORY

Beefaroni.

LORELAI

‘nough said.

RORY

I’m gonna go plug in my new wall air freshener. Give me five minutes and then come sniff my room.

LORELAI

Cheese or pepperoni?

RORY

Whatever. [goes into her room and closes the door]

LORELAI

Both. Good choice. [Babette enters]

BABETTE

Hey Sugar, I just heard. Where is she? Poor little thing. Rory sweetie!!!

LORELAI

Come on. [pulling her outside]

BABETTE

What? Is she outside?

LORELAI

Uh, well yeah. [outside] Babette I appreciate you coming over like this bur Rory’s not really in a talking mood just now.

BABETTE

But I can help.

LORELAI

I know you can.

BABETTE

I can tell her how you have to go through a lot of bad relationship’s to get to that really good one.

LORELAI

No, it’s very good advice.

BABETTE

Oh yeah and I can tell her about all the horrible men I’ve known in my day.

LORELAI

Oh that’d be great.

BABETTE

Really truly awful men.

LORELAI

Babette.

BABETTE

I was pushed out of a moving car once.

LORELAI

Now that’s a peppy little anecdote. [In the house, Rory comes out of her room and overhears them.]

BABETTE

Let me tell her.

LORELAI

Oh I want you to tell her all that but just not now.

BABETTE

Is she really bad?

LORELAI

She’ll be fine. Really.

LORELAI

[coming in] Oh they had some of our mail.

RORY

Look [handing her the invition]

LORELAI

Madeline’s having a party.

RORY

I’m going to go.

LORELAI

You’re going to a Chilton party?

RORY

Yes I am.

LORELAI

Honey, why don’t you just stay home and read ‘The bell jar’? Same effect.

RORY

Hey, I’m going to be going to school there for the next two and a half years. It wouldn’t kill me to be social right? What’s wrong with that?

LORELAI

Nothing.

RORY

Ok then it’s settled.

LORELAI

Um, can I make a suggestion?

RORY

Go ahead.

LORELAI

Why don’t you see if Lane can come with you? You know that way if the socializing doesn’t turn out how you planned you got a friendly face around.

RORY

Ok, good idea. Thank you.

LORELAI

You’re welcome.

RORY

Can I take the car?

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

Can I borrow something to wear?

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

Are you gonna give in to anything I say because you feel sorry for me?

LORELAI

Yes!

RORY

I’ll make a list.

RORY

Here, hand me that blush.

LANE

Ok.

RORY

Am I all twisty back here?

LANE

Oh, a little. Here. [fixes dress] So how are you?

RORY

I’m...fine.

LANE

How are you really?

RORY

Life goes on right?

LANE

You know I saw Dean today. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you.

RORY

Why not?

LANE

I mean I wasn’t sure you’d want to know.

RORY

No, that’s fine. What’d he say?

LANE

Nothing. He crossed the street as soon as I saw him.

RORY

Oh.

LANE

But if it’s any consolation he looks really sad.

RORY

I don’t want him to be sad.

LANE

Rory are you sure you want to go out tonight?

RORY

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

LANE

Because you just broke up. I mean I’d be perfectly fine to just hang out here and listen to music and talk, not talk, whatever.

RORY

No, I am not hanging out. We are going to this party. It’s gonna be great. I don’t want to dwell on this. That’s final.

LORELAI

[entering room] Don’t argue with her or you’ll find yourself the proud owner of three garden weasels.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

Three cause one’s just not enough. Here, turn around.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

14 hours of labor that’s why. [clicks her tongue]

RORY

Fine.

LORELAI

And hair. [puts a necklace on Rory]

RORY

What is this?

LORELAI

I thought it would go with your dress and it does.

RORY

It’s pretty.

LORELAI

Yeah it’s really pretty. Here. Here is the phone and some mad money. If for any reason you think you’re not going to be home by 12:00 you call me.

LANE

Oh we’ll be back by 12:00

LORELAI

Hi, call me.

LANE

Sorry.

LORELAI

Rory?

RORY

The cornstarch.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Um the cornstarch. The first time Dean kissed me he - I forgot to put it with the other things. I’ll just throw it out.

LORELAI

Hey why don’t you let me do that, you guys get going ok?

RORY

Ok.

LORELAI

Ok, bye. Have fun. Ooh hey, look in somebody’s sock drawer. Rich people have hilarious sock drawers. Be good. [Rory and Lane leave. Lorelai puts the cornstarch with the rest of the stuff and pulls down her ‘Max box’]

LORELAI

Hey.

SOOKIE

Hi, Lorelai, hey.

LORELAI

I wanted to ask you - [Sookie runs back into the house]

SOOKIE

Uh-huh, sure whatever.

LORELAI

[left at the door] Sookie? Hello? Sookie...honey.

SOOKIE

Yeah. Hi, ah! How are you? [as she tries to look into the kitchen]

LORELAI

Good, I’m fine, how’s that xray vision coming?

SOOKIE

Jackson’s inside.

LORELAI

Is he doing something dirty?

SOOKIE

He’s making me dinner.

LORELAI

Oh! Oh that’s so nice.

SOOKIE

Yeah it is. It really is, it’s sweet. I’m just - do you hear something?

LORELAI

Like what?

SOOKIE

Like someone using the wrong size pan to sweat the onions in. [knocks and chuckles]

LORELAI

No, nothing like that.

SOOKIE

Ok well maybe I’m hearing things. So hi, how are you?

LORELAI

Fine. So I wanted to see -

SOOKIE

Could you peek inside the kitchen for me and tell me if the orange cruse is on the left burner.

LORELAI

Why don’t you just go in there?

SOOKIE

Yeah well now I would but Jackson kicked me out.

LORELAI

He did.

SOOKIE

Yes and he won’t let me back in there and it’s driving me crazy.

LORELAI

Well maybe he just wants you to relax, I wouldn’t mind that either actually.

SOOKIE

Just take a peek for me will you? Tell him you want some water. And here. Take a picture for me.

LORELAI

Oh Sookie. I am not spying on Jackson.

SOOKIE

What if he’s using the wrong spoon in the wrong sauce?

LORELAI

Then the world as we know it will end.

SOOKIE

I have to go in there.

JACKSON

[bursting through the doors] You stay right where you are.

SOOKIE

Jackson you’re being unreasonable.

JACKSON

Sookie when a person offers to make another person dinner because this person happens to be a chef and is always cooking for others, that is what happens to be a nice gesture.

SOOKIE

Yes but -

JACKSON

And when that person accepts the first person’s offer, that means that the first person, the one who offered to cook, would actually be doing the cooking while the other person relaxed, had some wine and stayed out of the kitchen!

SOOKIE

I wasn’t cooking, I was suggesting.

JACKSON

Well you suggested the ladle right out of my hand four times!

SOOKIE

I had to skim the top of the sauce or it would’ve gotten all -

JACKSON

Damn it Sookie, this is supposed to be romantic!

SOOKIE

It is!

JACKSON

Stay outta here. I am cooking this meal alone. I am also cleaning up alone.

SOOKIE

No.

JACKSON

Oh yes.

SOOKIE

But you don’t know how to load my dishwasher, I have a system.

JACKSON

I’ll wing it. [goes back into the kitchen]

SOOKIE

There’s a diagram in the pantry - use it. I’m begging you![yells from the doorway]

JACKSON

I’m doing two loads, just because I can!

LORELAI

Honey try and sit down and relax. It’s nice what he’s doing.

SOOKIE

I know you’re right. It is nice. Ok, alright...I’m sitting, I’m relaxing, I’m focusing on you.

LORELAI

Good. Um actually I wanted to ask you a favour.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

Could I take your car for a little while, Rory’s got mine and there’s something I want to do.

SOOKIE

Yeah, yeah, yeah of course. What’s so important?

LORELAI

Oh um, I’ll tell you later.

SOOKIE

It sounds serious.

LORELAI

I’ll have it back to you as soon as I can.

SOOKIE

Take your time, I’m in for the night.

LORELAI

Ok, bye hon.

SOOKIE

Bye. [sighs. There’s a crash in the kitchen] What happened?! What did you do?

LORELAI

Hi.

MAX

Lorelai what...

LORELAI

Rory and Dean broke up.

MAX

Oh, well, I’m sorry. Rory -

LORELAI

Yeah, Rory and Dean broke up and um, she won’t wallow. And I told her that she should wallow you know because that’s supposed to help you get through the pain and then you can accept it and then you can get over somebody and you can move on with your life. And then she asked me how long it was before I got over you and I didn’t know what to say you know because I can’t lie to her, and I realized that if I gave her any time frame at all I would be lying because I’m not over you and I don’t know how long it will be before I am. And who am I to be teaching her about healing and moving on and breakups any how. I mean I might as well be teaching her how to eat fire or swallow a sword or put her legs behind her head you know, because at least that’s a trade. I mean the first two are, I don’t know about putting the legs um, behind your head, but the point is that I’m an idiot and I’m a hypocrite and I really miss you.

MAX

Do you want to come in?

LORELAI

Yes please.

LANE

Wow, this is unbelievable. My wedding won’t be this big.

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

This is amazing! People live here?

RORY

This is Madeline’s house.

LANE

Is this what your grandparents house looks like?

RORY

No. I mean it’s big but it’s not this Hearst castlely.

LANE

I mean there should be a map or a tour guide or Robin Leech or something.

RORY

Hey Lane.

LANE

Yeah?

RORY

Thanks for coming with me.

LANE

Anytime. Oh my God, there’s a pool table.

RORY

And a deejay.

LANE

It’s like a teenage Sodom and Gommarah.

MADELINE

You came!

RORY

Yeah.

LOUISE

Who’s watching the farm?

RORY

Madeline you house is beautiful.

MADELINE

Thanks it’s my stepfather’s.

LOUISE

So where is he?

MADELINE

My stepfather? He’s in Japan.

LOUISE

No not your stepfather. Prince Charming?

RORY

He didn’t come.

LOUISE

Why?

RORY

His white horse was in the shop.

LOUISE

You guys didn’t break up did you?

LANE

Hi, I’m Lane.

LOUISE

As in ‘walk down a...’?

LANE

Yes exactly.

MADELINE

Hi I’m Madeline. [two guys come up and wrap their arms around Louise and Madeline.]

GUY

So when does the tour of the pool house start?

MADELINE

You’ve seen the pool house before.

LOUISE

Yes but they haven’t seen it at night right?

GUY

Right.

MADELINE

But -

LOUISE

Madeline, you are not confused. Think. Process. Focus.

MADELINE

Oh! Bye!

LOUISE

Later Paris.

PARIS

No glove no love.

LOUISE

Lovely.

PARIS

So I didn’t think you were much of a party girl.

RORY

I’m not usually but I thought I might come by and check it out.

PARIS

Same exact people we see at school except now we get to see them dance. So where is your boyfriend?

RORY

We, um, we broke up.

PARIS

Oh. Well at least you had a boyfriend for a while.

RORY

So do you know, um, which way would lead us to some soda?

PARIS

Keep up because I’m not turning around.

LANE

Wow, you didn’t exaggerate.

RORY

Paris needs no embellishments.

LANE

All this soda is French.

PARIS

Madeline’s mother has a French fetish. She’s obsessed with all things French. French wine, French food, French water, French cellulite products.

TRISTIN

Look why won’t you answer me?

SUMMER

Because you didn’t say ’please’.

TRISTIN

Summer.

SUMMER

Can we do this later? There’s a party going on.

TRISTIN

Just tell me what you were doing locked in the bathroom with Austin.

SUMMER

Nothing.

TRISTIN

Nothing?

SUMMER

Yup.

TRISTIN

No.

SUMMER

Well why don’t you tell me what I was doing since you seem to know everything.

TRISTIN

Hey you are my girlfriend.

SUMMER

Ooh now he’s a caveman. What are you doing to do, know me on the back of my head with a club and then drag me back to your Porsche?

TRISTIN

Summer please.

SUMMER

Ooh, good song. [turns around and dances. Tristin looks around the room then leaves.]

PARIS

I just love that Summer don’t you? 9:45.

RORY

Why do you keep checking your watch?

PARIS

My mom says I have to stay until 10:30.

RORY

Why would she care?

PARIS

She thinks I’m not enough of a people person. Shocking huh?

RORY

I’m floored.

PARIS

Yeah well, I doubt highly that Madam Curie was voted most likely to dress like Jennifer Lopez.

RORY

You want to be a scientist?

PARIS

Cancer research.

RORY

Cool.

PARIS

Yeah.

LANE

Oh no.

RORY

What?

LANE

It just figures that the only Korean boy at this party has his Korean girl radar turned on.

HENRY

Hi.

LANE

Hi.

HENRY

I’m Henry.

LANE

I’m Lane. This is Rory and Paris.

PARIS

We’ve met.

HENRY

Paris. So would you like to dance?

LANE

Oh well we’re talking here.

HENRY

Oh yeah, but I mean one dance? You can put the conversation on hold for one dance right? Unless this is a mid-east peace talk kind of conversation.

LANE

One dance.

HENRY

A short one. No crazy dance mixes.

LANE

Ok.

HENRY

Thank you.

LANE

[taking off her coat and handing it to Rory whispers] If I’m not back in one dance you’re coming down with a really bad case of anything that means we had to go home.

RORY

Whoa is it getting warm here or is it just me?

LANE

Thank you.

PARIS

Unbelievable! She’s here five minutes she has a date. I’ve been going to this school nine years and I’m the French soda monitor.

LORELAI

Just in case this comes up later, I did not come here for this.

MAX

Ok, go it.

LORELAI

Ok.

MAX

Oh this is crazy! [separating]

LORELAI

No it is, it’s nuts. It’s nuts.

MAX

I mean I don’t see you for months and then all of a sudden -

LORELAI

Ding-dong Avon lady.

MAX

It’s insane.

LORELAI

Completely. [they kiss again] You do that so good.

MAX

[stopping again] Ok, we’ve got to get a grip here.

LORELAI

I thought that’s what we were doing.

MAX

You know you’re going to sit over there on that couch.

LORELAI

Fine.

MAX

And I’m gonna sit here on this - on this chair...far away from the couch. And I’m gonna put this table right in between us just like that. Good. Ok. And we’re gonna sit here and talk about this calmly.

LORELAI

Sounds good.

MAX

How you been?

LORELAI

Good, really good.

MAX

Oh you look really good.

LORELAI

So do you.

MAX

I missed you.

LORELAI

Oh I’m glad. Otherwise that greeting there would’ve been a little innappropriate.

MAX

You know actually, I’ve been thinking about us lately.

LORELAI

You have?

MAX

Haven’t you?

LORELAI

No.

MAX

No?

LORELAI

No. I haven’t given it any thought at all.

MAX

I’m flattered.

LORELAI

No, I needed not to give it any thought at all otherwise I would give it too much thought and that would be hard and so I just didn’t deal. Like mother like daughter I guess.

MAX

Oh I understand.

LORELAI

So, with all the thought you’ve been giving it, have you come up with any great solutions?

MAX

No. You’re still Rory’s mom and I’m still her teacher and we’re still us. I got nothing.

LORELAI

Oh.

MAX

Yeah.

LORELAI

So nothing’s changed.

MAX

Nothing’s changed.

LORELAI

So I guess my coming here was probably a bad idea.

MAX

Probably. [tosses table] Oh screw this. [they stand up and kiss again]

RORY

[whispers] Hey am I sick yet?

LANE

Not yet. It actually might just be allergies.

RORY

Keep me posted.

PARIS

My watched stopped, what time is it?

RORY

It’s 10:35.

PARIS

Yes, bye. [runs out of the house. Rory finds a quieter room and sits down and starts to read.]

SUMMER

Tristin stop it.

TRISTIN

You’re making me chase you around the whole party.

SUMMER

Just trying t have fun.

TRISTIN

Ok you won’t talk to me, you won’t dance with me, why the hell did you even come with me?!

SUMMER

Stop yelling.

TRISTIN

Summer please. Can we just go?

SUMMER

No.

TRISTIN

Please.

SUMMER

No. I’m sick of fighting with you. I’m sick of hearing 20 times a day ‘You’re my girlfriend’.

TRISTIN

Ok could we possibly do this somewhere were a roomful of people aren’t staring at us?

SUMMER

I think we should break up.

TRISTIN

Ok, I really want to go outside and talk about this.

SUMMER

Then go, bye. [she leaves]

TRISTIN

Summer come on! [Looks around, sees Rory who looks down at her book and he leaves.]

LANE

I have a major problem.

RORY

What?

LANE

Henry, the guy I’ve been dancing with?

RORY

Yeah?

LANE

Ok so he’s really good in school, he’s going to be a doctor - pediatrician to be exact, his parents are extremely involved in their local church. He himself helps out with Sunday school. He speaks Korean fluently, he respects his parents and he’s also really cute, very funny and surprisingly interesting.

RORY

Lane I’m sorry, but I’m totally failing to see the problem here.

LANE

I’m falling for a guy my parents would approve of! They’d love him, they’d go crazy! There’d be dancing in the Kim house! Dancing!

RORY

Really?

LANE

Followed by a lot of praying but initially there’d be dancing. This is horrible. This can’t happen. I have to stop it. We have to go.

RORY

But uh -

LANE

No now! You need to grab your stuff, we gotta go.

RORY

Ok, yeah, ok. Whatever you say.

HENRY

Hey.

LANE

Henry, hi.

HENRY

[to Rory] Sorry I’ve been monopolizing Lane all night.

RORY

Oh no, that’s ok. I’ve had her for 15 years. I’m actually a little sick of her.

LANE

Thank you.

RORY

Yeah you’re welcome. Um we should go.

HENRY

[to Lane] Oh you’re going?

LANE

Oh well -

RORY

Yeah. I have to get home - I have a very strict mother.

HENRY

Oh wow, sorry about that. You couldn’t even stay for one more dance huh?

RORY

Yeah I don’t think that -

LANE

Yes.

RORY

Excuse me?

LANE

One dance would be fine.

HENRY

Great.

RORY

But -

LANE

I’ll be back.

LORELAI

Well I certainly did not come over here for that.

MAX

I know.

LORELAI

You are a wonderful man.

MAX

I know. So...what happens now.

LORELAI

I don’t know. It’s late. I have to get Sookie’s car back.

MAX

Whoa, whoa, whoa wait a second. So this is it? You leave and we forget that this ever happened?

LORELAI

No.

MAX

Then what?

LORELAI

I leave and we go on with our lives and then at some point we buy some soup.

MAX

Lorelai...

LORELAI

What? Soup is good food.

MAX

Stop.

LORELAI

I don’t want to leave here and forget this ever happened. I want to think of a solution that will make everything better. And I’ve been wracking my brain for an idea. Hence the babbling about soup being good food. But I can’t think of anything.

MAX

I think we should talk.

LORELAI

What?

MAX

On the phone - you and me about us on a regular basis.

LORELAI

But -

MAX

We are not going to solve this staying away from each other.

LORELAI

No we’re not.

MAX

And obviously we’re not going to solve this by not staying away from each other.

LORELAI

But we’ll burn more calories.

MAX

I want to solve this.

LORELAI

So do I.

MAX

So we’ll talk?

LORELAI

We’ll talk. [they kiss] Hey I thought we were supposed to be talking.

MAX

There’s plenty of time for talk. [they kiss again]

RORY

Oh sorry.

TRISTIN

No problem.

RORY

I’m sorry.

TRISTIN

About what?

RORY

About you and Summer.

TRISTIN

I don’t want to talk about Summer.

RORY

Ok. How’d you do on that biology test?

TRISTIN

What?

RORY

The test. It was hard wasn’t it?

TRISTIN

Yeah it was hard.

RORY

I got a B+

TRISTIN

What are you doing?

RORY

Talking about the test.

TRISTIN

Why?

RORY

Because you said you didn’t want to talk about Summer.

TRISTIN

I don’t.

RORY

Ok, so I moved to biology. Sorry did you want to talk about spanish?

TRISTIN

You just loved it, didn’t you?

RORY

Loved what?

TRISTIN

Seeing me get nailed like that. Must have been a great moment.

RORY

Not really.

TRISTIN

Please. You loved it, she loved it, everybody loved it.

RORY

I did not love it.

TRISTIN

I really liked her too.

RORY

Yeah I know.

TRISTIN

So where’s your boyfriend tonight?

RORY

He’s...not my boyfriend anymore.

TRISTIN

Why not?

RORY

He didn’t want to be.

TRISTIN

Idiot.

RORY

So’s Summer.

TRISTIN

You think you’ll get back together?

RORY

He was pretty set in his decision.

TRISTIN

When did it happen?

RORY

Yesterday.

TRISTIN

Wow.

RORY

It was our three month anniversary.

TRISTIN

That sucks.

RORY

Yeah it does suck. Do you think you guys will?

TRISTIN

No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

RORY

So no?

TRISTIN

No. Hey, I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time for a while.

RORY

Oh that’s ok.

TRISTIN

It is?

RORY

Well no, but you’re sad.

TRISTIN

Yeah well. I am sorry.

RORY

I accept your apology.

TRISTIN

Oh man, it’s a great party huh?

RORY

Yeah not bad. It gave me a chance to catch up on my reading.

TRISTIN

You are very odd, you know that?

RORY

Thank you.

TRISTIN

You’re welcome. [he kisses her. Rory pulls away crying] I’m sorry, what did I do? Did I bite your lip or something?

RORY

No it’s not you. It’s just - I have to go. [runs out crying.]

RORY

We have to go.

LANE

Rory are you ok? [turns to Henry] I have to go.

HENRY

Well wait, can I get your number?

LANE

Last name’s Kim and we’re the only ones in Stars Hollow. [walking away] I can’t believe I just came my number to a potential Korean doctor.

RORY

I’m ready to wallow now.

LORELAI

Oh. [Sits on the couch next to her and kisses Rory. She puts a pillow on her lap and Rory lays down and sobs. Lorelai picks up the phone and dials] Hey Joe it’s Lorelai. I need a pizza with everything ok? Thanks.