T1E2: “The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton”
Título em Português: “O primeiro dia de Lorelai em Chilton”
Roteiro: Amy Sherman-Palladino
Direção: Arlene Sanford
Originalmente exibido em: 12 de outubro de 2000
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the front porch. Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails. Rory squirts some whipped cream into her mouth.]
LORELAI
[sarcastically] That's nice.
RORY
Thank you.
LORELAI
Don't move, please.
RORY
So, why are you insisting on doing this?
LORELAI
Well, because you're starting private school tomorrow.
RORY
Yes, but I'm going to be wearing shoes. Nobody's gonna see my feet.
LORELAI
Okay, but everybody knows that private school girls are bad, and bad girls always wear red nail polish.
[There is a lull in the conversation.]
LORELAI
Are you nervous?
RORY
About what?
LORELAI
About starting Chilton.
RORY
Well, I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls.
[Lane runs up waving a CD.]
LANE
Guys, guys! New CD - XTC, Apple Venus Volume 2.
LORELAI
Oh, woo, nails done!
[Lorelai and Lane run toward the front door.]
RORY
But you only finished half my toes!
LORELAI
Who cares? You're gonna be wearing shoes anyway!
[Rory follows them into the house]
CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM
[Lorelai is asleep in bed. Rory, dressed in her Chilton uniform, opens the door to the room and sees that she's still sleeping.]
RORY
Mom!
LORELAI
[wakes up startled] What? God! Hi.
RORY
What are you doing?
LORELAI
Having a heart attack.
RORY
I thought you were up. It's 7:10!
LORELAI
What?
RORY
It's 7:10!
LORELAI
No.
RORY
[grabs her pillow] It's 7:10!
LORELAI
[grabs the pillow back] Stop it! It's a quarter to six.
RORY
No, it's not!
LORELAI
Yes, it is! I set the clock for a quarter to six so it's...
[Rory grabs the clock and shows her the time.]
LORELAI
It's 7:10! Dammit.
[Lorelai climbs out of bed and looks around for her robe]
RORY
I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day?
LORELAI
It's shorter?
RORY
For the rest of the year, they're labeled 'The late girl'.
LORELAI
Oh, so dramatic. Where's the bathroom?
[Rory takes her by the shoulders and leads her down the hall.]
RORY
We have to go! What if there's traffic? Mom!
[Lorelai goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.]
LORELAI
Ugh, I had this all planned, you know. I was gonna get up early. I was gonna get coffee. I was gonna take a shower. I was gonna pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners.
[Lorelai opens the door.]
LORELAI
Oh my God. My clothes.
RORY
What?
LORELAI
I don't have any clean clothes.
[Lorelai walks back to her bedroom. Rory follows.]
RORY
It's 7:15.
LORELAI
All my nice things were dirty.
RORY
It's 7:16.
LORELAI
Oh my God, I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt. I look so great in the flippy skirt.
RORY
It's 7:17.
LORELAI
Okay, you know what, time lady? Why don't you go downstairs and warm up the car? That would be really super. Thank you.
RORY
Just hurry!
[Rory goes downstairs, Lorelai rummages through a drawer.]
LORELAI
This sucks! This sucks! This sucks!
RORY
[calls from downstairs] It's 7:18!
LORELAI
Oh, for the love of God! [she sits on the bed and puts on her socks. She glances at her fuzzy clock] This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry.
CUT TO LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM
[Rory is waiting at the foot of the stairs. Lorelai runs down the steps in cowboy boots, really short frayed shorts, and a bright pink tie-dyed T-shirt.]
RORY
It's 7--
LORELAI
Don't even think of finishing that sentence! [sees Rory looking at her outfit] What?
RORY
Nothing. I just didn't know the rodeo was in town.
LORELAI
All right, that's it. [grabs a picture from the desk] I'm bringing the baby pictures.
RORY
No! I'm sorry! I love the rodeo, the rodeo rules!
CUT TO INSIDE THE JEEP
[Lorelai and Rory are driving through the town square]
LORELAI
I am so done with plans. I am never ever making one again. It never works. I spend the day obsessing over why it didn't work and what I could've done differently. I'm analyzing all my shortcomings when all I really need to be doing is vowing to never ever make a plan ever again, which I'm doing now. Having, once again, been the innocent victim of my own stupid plans. God, I need some coffee.
[cut to the Jeep driving down the highway toward Hartford]
Note - The speech in this scene was cut from the audio after the original airing and can still be seen but not heard.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CHILTON
[Lorelai and Rory sit in the Jeep staring at the school]
RORY
I remember it being smaller.
LORELAI
Yeah. And less...
RORY
Off with their heads.
LORELAI
Yeah. [tilts her head and peers up at the building]
RORY
What are you looking at?
LORELAI
I'm just trying to see if there's a hunchback up in that bell tower.
RORY
So, how do I look?
LORELAI
[smiles proudly] You look great.
RORY
Really?
LORELAI
Really. You are an amazing kid. You have earned this. You just go in there and show them what smart really is. I love you. Just call me if you need me.
RORY
You're kidding, right?
LORELAI
No. Call me if you need anything. I'm great at making up dirty cheers.
RORY
You have to go in with me.
LORELAI
Rory, come on.
RORY
You have to meet the headmaster.
LORELAI
Well, look at me, Rory. I can't meet anybody who does anything in there.
RORY
Mom!
LORELAI
No, I look like that chick from the Dukes of Hazzard.
RORY
This is my first day. You are not getting out of going in there with me. Period.
[They get out of the Jeep. Two women walking by stop and stare at Lorelai's outfit]
LORELAI
Good morning.
[The women share a look, then walk away.]
LORELAI
[to Rory] Oh, well, we're gonna be best friends.
[Lorelai pulls on her coat as they walk toward the school]
LORELAI
So, where do we go?
[Rory checks a piece of paper]
RORY
Uh, the Ambroise building.
LORELAI
Which is?
RORY
The big, scary one.
LORELAI
Oh, great. Thanks for the input.
[A man notices that they look confused]
IAN
Lost?
LORELAI
Oh, yeah. Uh, we're looking for the headmaster's office, the Ambroise building.
IAN
Ah, okay. Well, this is it right here. You just go inside, down the stairs, make a left, and the headmaster's office is at the end of the hall.
LORELAI
Great. Thank you.
IAN
You're welcome.
[Rory grabs Lorelai's arm to go, but the man extends a hand.]
IAN
Um, I'm Ian Jack. My daughter Julia goes to school here.
[Lorelai shakes his hand]
LORELAI
Hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. Um, this is my daughter, Rory.
IAN
Your daughter? Really?
LORELAI
Yup.
IAN
Wow, that's great. Uh, I mean, daughters are a great thing.
LORELAI
We're big fans.
IAN
Yeah. Uh, yeah. So, is your husband here? I'd love to meet him.
LORELAI
I'm not married.
IAN
Ah.
LORELAI
I'd love to meet your wife, though.
IAN
I'm divorced.
LORELAI
Shame.
IAN
Yeah.
RORY
Excuse me. I really gotta...
LORELAI
Right! We gotta go meet the big guy, and I gotta, uh, get back to work.
[Lorelai and Rory start to walk away]
IAN
Oh, where do you work?
LORELAI
[walks back to him] At an inn. The Independence Inn. I run it.
IAN
Really?
LORELAI
In a different outfit, of course.
IAN
[laughs] Well, it was nice to meet you, Lorelai. Good luck in school, Rory. I'll tell Julia to look out for you.
RORY
Great, thanks.
IAN
See you.
[He walks away. Lorelai stares after him, smiling to herself]
LORELAI
What a nice, nice man.
RORY
You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you?
LORELAI
Yeah.
RORY
Do you want me to get you a mirror?
LORELAI
[her smile fades] I'm back. Let's go.
CUT TO INSIDE OF CHILTON
[Lorelai and Rory walk into the Ambroise building]
LORELAI
Oh, good, more big stuff.
[They walk down a staircase]
RORY
Turn left.
[As Rory and Lorelai walk off the screen, three girls on the staircase stare after them.]
[Lorelai and Rory walk down a hallway toward the headmaster's office. They reach the double doors and stand in front of them]
LORELAI
You ready?
RORY
No.
[pause]
LORELAI
You ready?
RORY
Yes.
[They push open the doors and walk into the room. They walk up to the secretary working at a desk]
LORELAI
[clears throat] Um, excuse me.
[the secretary suddenly looks up, Lorelai jumps back slightly]
LORELAI
Oh! How... wow, hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Lorelai Gilmore... 'cause I named her after me. I was in the hospital all whacked out on Demerol. Never mind. Um, but we call her Rory. It's short for Lorelai, but she'll answer to either one, or even 'Hey, you' depending on the... [Rory nudges her] Uh, is the headmaster here?
SECRETARY
[stands up] One moment. [Walks through a door behind them]
LORELAI
[whispers] See, that's what happens when you go to bed with your makeup on.
[A moment later, the door opens]
SECRETARY
Headmaster Charleston will see you now.
LORELAI
Great, great. Thanks.
[They walk into the headmaster's office]
HEADMASTER
Ms. Gilmore, I'm Headmaster Charleston.
LORELAI
Hi. Wow, it's really nice to meet... [looks around and sees her mother on the sofa] Mom. Um, excuse me. What are you doing here?
EMILY
[walks over] I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school.
LORELAI
But -
EMILY
Rory, you look wonderful in that uniform!
LORELAI
Uh, you didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom.
EMILY
Well, this gave me a chance to make sure that Hanlin here takes good care of Rory.
LORELAI
[to Headmaster] You're Hanlin.
HEADMASTER
Hanlin Charleston.
EMILY
Hanlin's wife and I are on the symphony fundraising committee together.
LORELAI
Wow, that's great.
HEADMASTER
Your father and I are golf rivals. We're still fighting it out to see which one is worse.
EMILY
Oh, yes. We're all old friends.
LORELAI
Well, there's nothing like friends. Especially if they're old... ones.
HEADMASTER
Well, would you like to take off your coat and have a seat?
LORELAI
Oh, no. No, I'm fine.
HEADMASTER
I'm afraid they were a little overzealous with the furnace this morning. It's quite warm in here.
LORELAI
I like it warm.
EMILY
Lorelai, take off your coat and sit down. You don't want Hanlin to think you're rude.
[Lorelai reluctantly takes off her coat. She gives an embarrassed smile about her outfit]
LORELAI
Laundry day.
EMILY
Hanlin, did you know that Rory has a 4.0 grade average?
LORELAI
I'm sure he does, Mom.
EMILY
This is a very special girl. You take good care of her.
HEADMASTER
We'll do our best, Emily.
LORELAI
Oh, God. Rory is not gonna be a problem. She's totally low maintenance, you know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just... nice office.
EMILY
Well, I don't think we should take up anymore of your precious time. Hanlin, it was lovely to see you. Give Bitty our love.
HEADMASTER
Tell Richard I'll see him at the club Sunday.
EMILY
Have a wonderful day, Rory. I want to hear all about it. [to Lorelai] Do you need a ride or is your horse parked outside?
LORELAI
[to headmaster] It's so nice to meet you. [to Rory] Have a great day. [she kisses Rory's forehead, then starts to leave]
HEADMASTER
Oh, you don't want to forget your coat.
LORELAI
[turns back] Oh, no, 'cause that would be embarrassing.
[She retrieves the coat, then walks out of the office.]
CUT TO HALLWAY
[Lorelai and Emily are walking down the hall.]
EMILY
How do you leave the house looking like that?
LORELAI
It was not planned, believe me.
EMILY
And on Rory's first day of school. What kind of an impression did you think you were gonna make?
LORELAI
[sighs] What are you doing here, Mother?
EMILY
I told you, I came to put in a good word for Rory.
LORELAI
Well, she didn't need a good word.
EMILY
I'm not allowed here, is that it?
LORELAI
I didn't say that.
EMILY
I'm allowed to pay for it, but I can't actually set foot on the premises. I just want to get the rules straight.
LORELAI
Oh boy.
EMILY
How about the street? Can I drive down the street?
LORELAI
Forget it.
EMILY
Maybe I should just avoid this neighborhood altogether. Though my doctor's just down the block. Maybe I can get special permission if I'm bleeding from the head.
LORELAI
I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you here.
EMILY
I just thought it was important for this school to know they had a Gilmore amongst them.
LORELAI
A very good thought.
EMILY
And that some of the Gilmores actually own clothing.
LORELAI
And on that note, I have to get to work. I'll see you later.
EMILY
Dinner, Friday night. No spurs, please.
[Lorelai groans and thrusts out her arms in annoyance as she walks to the Jeep.]
CUT TO HEADMASTER'S OFFICE
[The headmaster and Rory are sitting in his office. He is looking through her transcript folder.]
HEADMASTER
You're obviously a bright girl, Miss. Gilmore.
RORY
Thank you.
HEADMASTER
Good grades, the teachers like you. Not a lot of social activities, though.
RORY
Oh, well, just living in Stars Hollow is kind of a social activity, actually.
HEADMASTER
Nothing in your school appealed to you?
RORY
I work at my mother's inn after school sometimes. And I was in the German Club for a while, but there were only three of us, and then two left for the French Club after seeing Schindler's List, so...
HEADMASTER
What are your aspirations?
RORY
I want to go to Harvard and study Journalism and Political Science.
HEADMASTER
On your way to being...
RORY
Christiane Amanpour.
HEADMASTER
Really?
RORY
Yes.
HEADMASTER
Not Cokie Roberts?
RORY
No.
HEADMASTER
Not Oprah, Rosie, or one of the women from The View?
RORY
No.
HEADMASTER
Why do you wish to be Christiane Amanpour?
RORY
Well, I don't wish to be her, exactly. I just want to do what she does.
HEADMASTER
Which is?
RORY
Travel, uh, see the world up close, report on what's really going on, be apart of something big.
HEADMASTER
And to be part of something big you have to be on TV? Why not lead the police on a high-speed chase? That's a quicker way to achieve this goal.
RORY
Being on TV has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'll be a journalist and write books or articles about what I see. I just want to be sure that I see... something. [he glances down at her papers] You'll notice the debating team's also missing from my resume.
HEADMASTER
I've known your grandparents for quite some time.
RORY
I know.
HEADMASTER
In fact, I was at a party at their house just last week where I had the most delicious lobster puffs I've ever eaten. I'm very fond of them.
RORY
That's nice.
HEADMASTER
None of this, however, will be of any benefit to you. Chilton has one of the highest academic standards of any school in America. You may have been the smartest girl at Stars Hollow, but this is a different place. The pressures are greater, the rules are stricter, and the expectations are higher. If you make it through, you will have received one of the finest educations one can get, and there should be no reason why you should not achieve all your goals. However, since you are starting late and are not used to this highly competitive atmosphere, there is a good chance you will fail. That is fine. Failure is a part of life, but not a part of Chilton. Understand?
RORY
So, you liked the lobster puffs, huh?
HEADMASTER
Take this to Miss James in the administration office across the hall.
[He hands her a folder. She takes it and leaves the room]
CUT TO THE ADMINISTRATION OFFICE
[Rory walks up to a woman at the desk and sets down her folder]
RORY
Hi, I'm looking for Miss James.
MISS JAMES
Name?
RORY
Lorelai Gilmore. But I go by Rory.
MISS JAMES
Fill this out, please.
[Miss James gives Rory a piece of paper. She takes Rory's folder and walks it over to another desk. The student at the desk looks around, then takes the folder and passes it out the window to someone.]
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
[The three girls who were on the staircase earlier are sitting in the bushes. They go through Rory's folder.]
LOUISE
Well?
PARIS
Shut up.
MADELINE
Hurry, please. Spiders.
PARIS
Lorelai Gilmore.
LOUISE
Nice stripper name.
PARIS
Formerly of Stars Hollow High School.
LOUISE
Where's that?
PARIS
Drive west, make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows.
LOUISE
Ooh, a dixie chick.
PARIS
Perfect attendance, 4.0 grade point average.
MADELINE
Bugs, dirt, twigs.
PARIS
She's a Journalism major.
LOUISE
That means she's gonna go out for the school paper.
PARIS
Not necessarily. She's got like a thousand recommendations in here.
LOUISE
Popular with the adults and going out for the school paper.
PARIS
Would you stop? You don't know she's going out for the paper.
MADELINE
Ow, something's biting me!
PARIS
Quiet down.
MADELINE
I hate nature.
PARIS
She'll never catch up. She's a month behind already.
LOUISE
You can tutor her. Be like a big sister.
PARIS
You're funny.
MADELINE
Okay, lizard, goodbye.
PARIS
Why are they letting all these extra people in? They just take up space and screw up the curve. We don't need any new kids here.
LOUISE
Too late.
PARIS
Psst. [she hands the folder back through the window.]
CUT TO ADMINISTRATION OFFICE
[Miss James is handing some papers to Rory.]
MISS JAMES
Here's the dining room, the science hall, and the theater. Here's your locker number, here's your schedule, take this map. Here's the rules of the school and the Chilton Honor Code. Here are the words to the school song, which must be recited upon demand. This can happen any place, any time. If you do it in Latin you get extra credit. Do you have any questions?
RORY
Uh, not at the moment.
MISS JAMES
If you do, you can make an appointment to see your guidance counselor, Mr. Winters. He handles everything but bulimia and pregnancy. For that, you'll have to go to the nurse or Coach Rubens. Welcome to Chilton.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner and sits down at the counter]
LORELAI
[sighs] I already had the longest day of my life and, oh, look, it's only ten. How nice.
LUKE
There's no coffee.
LORELAI
That's not funny.
LUKE
I can give you herbal tea.
LORELAI
This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
LUKE
Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
LORELAI
This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
LUKE
I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
LORELAI
Please, please, please tell me you're kidding.
LUKE
I'm kidding. [goes to retrieve the coffee pot.]
LORELAI
You're sick.
LUKE
Yup.
LORELAI
You're a sadist, you're a fiend!
[he walks back over with the coffee pot]
LORELAI
You're pretty.
LUKE
For here or to go?
LORELAI
To go, please.
LUKE
You wanna know what this stuff does to your central nervous system?
LORELAI
Ooh, do you have a chart? 'Cause I love charts.
LUKE
Forget it, kill yourself. So what happened this morning that was so awful?
LORELAI
Rory started Chilton.
LUKE
Really?
LORELAI
Yeah. [sees him looking at her strangely] What?
LUKE
That's how you dress to take Rory to Chilton?
LORELAI
No, but -
LUKE
I mean, that's a fancy school.
LORELAI
My clothes were at the cleaners, and I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time.
LUKE
It didn't purr?
LORELAI
It's fuzzy. It purrs. You know what, never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
LUKE
Me, too. Next time you're getting tea.
[Lorelai leaves]
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Miss Patty is standing at the doorway of her dance studio. Inside, several little girls are twirling batons]
MISS PATTY
Visualize, ladies. It's a Thanksgiving Day parade. You're standing on Fifth Avenue. There's a hundred beautiful boys marching in place behind you. And there you are. You are out in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush. Your baton is on fire and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time. [sees Lorelai walking by] Lorelai, hi.
LORELAI
Hey, Patty.
MISS PATTY
Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton?
LORELAI
Oh, yeah, she's there right now. I just got through dropping her off.
MISS PATTY
Is that what you wore?
LORELAI
Oh, look at the time. See ya, Patty.
MISS PATTY
Bye.
[Lorelai gets in her Jeep. Miss Patty walks back into the studio.]
MISS PATTY
Oh, ladies, what do I see? Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil.
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai pulls into the driveway. She gets out of the car and walks into the house juggling her coffee, her dry cleaning and her coat. The phone is ringing, she searches for the cordless. She finally finds it and falls onto the couch.]
LORELAI
Hello?
EMILY
Lorelai?
LORELAI
Mom.
EMILY
Lorelai, good. I'm going shopping this afternoon and I'd thought I'd pick up a few things for Rory.
LORELAI
Like what?
EMILY
Oh, you know, a couple of extra skirts and tops for school.
LORELAI
Mmkay, I already took care of all that, Mom. I got her two skirts and a bunch of tops.
EMILY
But there are five days in a school week.
LORELAI
Really? Are you sure? Because my days of the week underwear only go to Thursday.
EMILY
Is that a joke?
LORELAI
Mom, two skirts are fine.
EMILY
I never know with you.
LORELAI
Really, don't bother.
EMILY
Well, what if she gets one dirty?
LORELAI
Well, then, she'll wear the other one.
EMILY
What if she gets them both dirty?
LORELAI
Well, then we'll use this newfangled thing called a washing machine. The town just chipped in and bought one. My turn's Tuesday.
EMILY
Well, then, what about socks? Chilton has these special logo socks. Rory should have them.
LORELAI
Mom, please.
EMILY
And what about the school sweater? She might like that. And there's the sweater vest and the bookbag.
LORELAI
Are you getting a cut of the merchandising?
EMILY
Rory should have these things. She'll be the only one who doesn't.
LORELAI
She'll live.
EMILY
Well, I'm at least getting her the Chilton coat. Is she a size six?
LORELAI
Mom, please.
EMILY
This is a simple question, Lorelai.
LORELAI
She's a six, but I'd get an eight in case she grows.
EMILY
If she grows, I'll buy another.
LORELAI
Okay, well then, a six is great. I gotta go, Mom. Bye.
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
[A teacher is lecturing a class]
TEACHER
And while French culture was the dominant outside cultural influence, especially for Russia's monied class, English culture also had its impact. Tolstoy's favorite author, for instance, was...
PARIS
[raises her hand] Dickens.
TEACHER
Yes. And of course, last week we discovered Dostoevski's main authorial influences...
PARIS
[raises her hand] George Sand and Balzac.
TEACHER
Good. As Tolstoy commenced writing both War and Peace and Anna Karenina, Count Leo would turn to...
PARIS
David Copperfield.
TEACHER
Correct. He would turn to David Copperfield for inspiration.
[the door opens and a student walks in]
TEACHER
Ah, Mr. Dugray.
TRISTIN
Sir. [hands the teacher a note]
TEACHER
Nice to have you back. I hope your Grandfather's better.
TRISTIN
Much better, sir.
TEACHER
Good. Take your seat, please.
[TRISTIN walks over to his seat while staring at Rory. She shifts uncomfortably]
TEACHER
Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, Little Dorrit, all major influences on Leo Tolstoy. Tomorrow we will focus on...
TRISTIN
[whispers to kid in front of him] Who's that?
STUDENT
New girl.
TEACHER
...writing styles of these two literary masters, Tolstoy and Dickens. [bell rings] Class dismissed.
TRISTIN
[to his friend] Looks like we got ourselves a Mary.
TEACHER
Miss, um, Gilmore, could you come up here please? [Rory walks up to him] Here are last week's study materials. [he hands her a huge binder] There'll be a test on them tomorrow, but since you're new, you can take a makeup on Monday. Will that be sufficient time?
RORY
Monday? Sure, that's fine.
TEACHER
Good. That's just an overview. It would be very helpful to you to borrow one of the other student's personal notes. They tend to be more detailed.
RORY
More detailed than this?
TEACHER
It seems daunting right now, I know.
RORY
No, no. It's okay. It'll be fine.
TEACHER
Remember to get those notes. They'll be a lifesaver.
CUT TO HALLWAY
[Rory walks out of the classroom and almost bumps into a girl]
RORY
Oh.
PARIS
I'm Paris.
RORY
I didn't see you there. Where'd you come from?
PARIS
I know who you are, too. Lorelai Gilmore from Stars Hollow.
RORY
You can call me Rory.
PARIS
Are you going out for the Franklin?
RORY
The what?
PARIS
Nice innocent act. At least I know you're not going out for drama club.
RORY
I'm confused.
PARIS
The Franklin, the school paper, are you going out for it?
RORY
I don't know, I have to find my locker first.
PARIS
I'm gonna be editor next year.
RORY
Well, good for you.
PARIS
I'm also the top of the class, and I intend to be valedictorian when I graduate.
RORY
Okay, I'm going now.
PARIS
You'll never catch up. You'll never beat me. This school is my domain and the Franklin is my domain. And don't you ever forget that. [she walks off]
RORY
Guess you're not gonna let me borrow your notes, huh?
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is going through a crate of peaches while Jackson the produce man looks on]
SOOKIE
They're smaller than the last batch.
JACKSON
No, they're not.
SOOKIE
Smaller means watery. No good peach taste.
JACKSON
No, there's plenty of peach taste being as they're, you know, peaches.
SOOKIE
What about the ones on the bottom?
JACKSON
Oh, great. No, be sure to check 'em all. That's it. Give every last one of them a nice good squeeze. You wouldn't wanna actually leave me one that I could sell somebody else. Oh, wait a minute, you missed one. Now I'm not gonna tell you which one it is. I'm just gonna let your impeccably good radar... [she pulls out a peach] There it is! You got it!
[Lorelai walks into the kitchen]
LORELAI
Okay... I look great, right?
SOOKIE
Yes.
LORELAI
Yes, see. This is how I was supposed to look this morning. Good morning, Jackson.
SOOKIE
Oh my God, today was Rory's first day!
LORELAI
Yes, and I was supposed to look together and fabulous, and not like I'd been up all night playing quarters.
SOOKIE
Oh, nobody cares how you looked.
LORELAI
Everybody cared.
SOOKIE
Who?
LORELAI
Uh, the other moms, the headmaster, my mom, Luke, Miss Patty, the new fire chief with the tiny little head.
SOOKIE
[holds out a peach] Taste this.
LORELAI
[bites peach] Hm, a little watery.
JACKSON
Oh, now, you planned this!
SOOKIE
Did you say something about your mother?
LORELAI
Oh, yeah. I walked into the headmaster's office and there she was.
SOOKIE
Really? Why?
LORELAI
Because she knew I'd wake up late and dress like a cowgirl and humiliate myself.
SOOKIE
Wow, she's good.
LORELAI
The best.
[Sookie rolls a peach along the floor.]
JACKSON
Oh, I would love to know what you're doing.
SOOKIE
They're rolling differently, too.
JACKSON
Oh, because of the extra water.
SOOKIE
Exactly.
JACKSON
Makes perfect sense.
SOOKIE
Well, I would ignore those women because the only thing that matters is that Rory got into that great school.
LORELAI
I know. She looked so amazing in her uniform, and she was so excited. And I just admire her so much jumping into a new school. She's my hero.
SOOKIE
Mine, too.
JACKSON
Oh, yeah, sign me up. Sookie, the peaches, please.
[Michel walks in]
MICHEL
Excuse me. There's a phone call for you, and if I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise.
LORELAI
[to Jackson] Thanks for the peach. [hands the peach to him, then walks away]
[Cut to the lobby; a few older women are looking at a guide book as Lorelai and Michel walk by]
WOMAN
This will be absolutely wonderful. There are supposed to be darling shops all up and down this street. [to Michel] Oh, excuse me sir. Can you tell me where we can find the best antiques?
MICHEL
At your house, I'd guess. [walks off]
LORELAI
[on phone at the front desk] Mom, did I give you this number, 'cause I don't remember giving you this number. Yeah, well, I must be losing my mind. What can I, uh... I'm sorry Mom, can you hold on one second? [covers phone] Um, Drella, could you just, uh, take it down just a notch? Thanks. [on phone] Okay, I'm back.
EMILY
I wanted you to know that I just bought a parking space for Rory at Chilton.
LORELAI
You what?
EMILY
They are very hard to come by, but I pulled a few strings and it's all hers.
LORELAI
Mom, uh, Rory doesn't have a car.
EMILY
No, but she's got a birthday coming up soon.
[Drella is still playing loudly]
LORELAI
Okay, hold on a second. [to Drella] Um, Drella? Drella! Please, a little softer.
DRELLA
Hey, do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass?
LORELAI
[on phone] Mom, you are not buying Rory a car.
EMILY
Why not? She's a smart girl, she's responsible.
LORELAI
Well, she doesn't need one.
EMILY
She needs to have a way to get around, to get to school.
LORELAI
She'll be taking the bus.
EMILY
I know. I hate that she takes the bus. Drug dealers take the bus.
LORELAI
You know what, Mom? I gotta go.
EMILY
Fine. We'll discuss this at a later date.
LORELAI
Okay. Bye. [hangs up]
[Drella plays much softer now that Lorelai is off the phone. They exchange a look.]
CUT TO CHILTON
[Rory is walking down a hallway, TRISTIN comes up behind her.]
TRISTIN
Hey, Mary. Hey, Mary.
RORY
Me?
TRISTIN
Yeah, you.
RORY
My name is Rory.
TRISTIN
I'm TRISTIN.
RORY
Hi.
TRISTIN
So, you're new?
RORY
Yeah, first day.
TRISTIN
Well, Remmy's class is rough.
RORY
Yeah, it seemed very intense.
TRISTIN
You know, I could loan you my notes if that would help.
RORY
Really? That'd be great.
TRISTIN
Yeah? How great?
RORY
I don't know. Mr. Remmy said that getting someone's notes would be...
TRISTIN
I could even help you study if you want.
RORY
Um, I kind of view studying as a solitary activity, but thanks.
TRISTIN
Bye, Mary. [walks off]
RORY
It's Rory.
CUT TO THE INDEPENDENCE INN LOBBY
[Lorelai is talking to the valet and a guest]
LORELAI
I completely understand.
MAN
Oh, do you? Because this is a brand-new car.
DEREK
But I swear -
MAN
He brings the car up and it's scratched!
DEREK
I just backed the car up and then -
MAN
I'd know if my car was scratched before I parked it or not.
LORELAI
Okay, okay, let's - let's calm down. Sir, why don't I have your car looked at tomorrow, and I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this.
MAN
I... no, I...
LORELAI
In the meantime, I would love for you to have lunch here, on me. Dessert is a must. Anything with our homemade ice cream is absolutely delicious. I promise you life as you know it will never be the same. What do you say?
MAN
Well, all right, I think I will. Thank you.
LORELAI
Thank you. [the man walks off]
DEREK
Lorelai, I swear, I didn't scratch his car.
LORELAI
Derek...
DEREK
I mean, if you thought I was unreliable or a bad driver, I just...
LORELAI
It's okay.
DEREK
'Cause I can drive.
LORELAI
Oh, sweetie, I am sure you can. Listen, we'll just take it over to Musky's tomorrow and have the guys look at it. I'm sure they can buff it out for nothing, okay?
DEREK
Okay. That's a real nice outfit you're wearing today.
LORELAI
Thank you, Derek.
[Derek walks off, Michel walks over]
MICHEL
Once again, your faithful pooch is here to say, please come back to the desk, someone needs to talk with you.
LORELAI
It's not my mother, is it?
MICHEL
It's possible.
[Lorelai looks over at the front desk, where Ian Jack, the man from Chilton, is waiting]
LORELAI
It's possible?
MICHEL
There's a resemblance.
LORELAI
Hm.
[Lorelai walks to the front desk]
LORELAI
Hi.
IAN
Hi. Is this a bad time?
LORELAI
No, not at all. What are you doing here?
IAN
Well, I had to meet an associate for lunch and he was coming up from New York, so I thought, why not meet him at a beautiful inn?
LORELAI
Well, good. Enjoy your lunch.
IAN
Thanks, I will.
LORELAI
Okay.
IAN
And I was also wondering if maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime.
LORELAI
We're a little food-obsessed, aren't we?
IAN
Well, it's the company more than the food that interests me.
LORELAI
I'm flattered.
IAN
Is that a yes?
LORELAI
That's a... you're a dad.
IAN
And you're a mom. Although I'm still finding that really hard to believe.
LORELAI
No, I mean, you're a Chilton dad.
IAN
Ooh, that sounds bad.
LORELAI
Not bad, just tricky. You know, Rory just started there, and I think I should let her fall in with the bad crowd before I start hooking up with the P.T.A.
IAN
Well, I'm not on the P.T.A.
LORELAI
Oh, see, there you go, I can't date anybody not on the P.T.A.
IAN
Look, it's just a casual dinner.
LORELAI
Sorry. [she walks around to the other side of the desk]
IAN
Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to China for a week on business, and when I get back, I'm gonna try again
LORELAI
China, wow.
IAN
Impressed?
LORELAI
No. Rome, I'd be impressed. China, I'm just "China, wow".
IAN
[laughs. he picks up a business card from the desk] Okay, Lorelai Gilmore, General Manager, I'll talk to you soon.
LORELAI
Have a safe trip.
IAN
I will. [walks off]
LORELAI
[watching him walk off] He does that so well.
MICHEL
You are making me sick.
LORELAI
Aw, now, honey, you try it. I'll watch you walk away, too.
MICHEL
Stop it.
LORELAI
Go on now, walk. It can't be that bad.
MICHEL
Leave me alone. [he walks away, she follows him]
LORELAI
Hm, no. You have to do it with a little more attitude. Make me think you mean it!
[Several people are listening to Drella play the harp. She suddenly stops]
DRELLA
That's lunch. [she walks away, people look around surprised]
CUT TO CHILTON HALLWAY
[Rory finds her locker and tries to open it, but it's stuck]
RORY
I'm sorry, but you're going to open.
[She pulls hard on the handle and the locker opens. She stumbles backwards right into Paris, who was carrying a large class project of an intricately sculpted castle. The project falls and breaks]
RORY
Oh no! I am so sorry. Paris, please, I'm so sorry. It was an accident. My locker, it just slipped. I pulled too hard. I didn't mean to... is there water in that moat?
PARIS
Get away from me. [she stalks off into a classroom]
[Rory puts her book away in her locker]
RORY
[to boy walking by] Excuse me, I need Mrs. Ness, History?
BOY
It's behind you. [points to the classroom that Paris just walked into]
RORY
Of course it is. [she slams the locker shut and walks into the classroom]
PARIS
[sees Rory enter] Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
[the bell rings]
TEACHER
Seats now, please.
[Rory sits down in a seat, TRISTIN sits near her.]
TRISTIN
Hey, Mary.
TEACHER
Okay, we left our projects off on Friday with Mr. Gaynor, so today we will pick up with Miss Gellar.
PARIS
[stands up] I don't have my project.
TEACHER
Miss Gellar, did you have sufficient time to complete your project?
PARIS
Yes.
TEACHER
And yet you don't have it done?
PARIS
Nope.
TEACHER
All right, you will receive an incomplete for this project.
RORY
[stands up] It's my fault.
TEACHER
Who are you?
RORY
Rory Gilmore. I wrecked her project.
PARIS
Shut up.
TEACHER
I don't have a Rory Gilmore. I have a Lorelai Gilmore.
RORY
That's me.
TEACHER
You are Rory and Lorelai Gilmore?
RORY
Yes. And I wrecked her project. My locker got stuck.
PARIS
Just stay out of this.
TEACHER
Do you go by Rory or Lorelai?
RORY
Whatever. It's not her fault.
TEACHER
I need you to pick one.
RORY
One what?
TEACHER
One name.
RORY
Rory.
TEACHER
Fine, thank you. Rory, you wrecked Paris' project when?
RORY
Just before class.
TEACHER
Very convenient.
RORY
No, I did. My locker got stuck and when I opened it...
PARIS
Stop it!
TEACHER
Miss Gilmore, since you say you wrecked Miss Gellar's project, then you may help her fix it. You have until tomorrow.
RORY
Fine.
PARIS
No.
RORY
Why not?
PARIS
I don't want your help!
RORY
But I don't mind doing it.
PARIS
Just stay out of this.
RORY
What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help you.
PARIS
Well, don't!
TEACHER
Ladies, enough. Miss Gellar, if you don't want Miss Gilmore's help, then you may have until tomorrow. If it's not done, you will receive an incomplete. Is that understood?
PARIS
Yes. [sits down]
TEACHER
As long as you're standing... class, we have a new student. Say hello to Rory Gilmore.
CLASS
Hi, Rory.
TRISTIN
Hello, Mary.
[Rory sits down]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Miss Patty is standing at the doorway of her dance studio. Inside, a class of girls walks around with books on their heads.]
MISS PATTY
Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books. [sees Lorelai walking by] Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, Missy.
[Lorelai ignores her and walks to Luke's. As she enters, Luke is walking past the door]
LUKE
What are you doing here?
LORELAI
See, now, that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown?
LUKE
I just mean you don't usually come in at this time.
LORELAI
Well, I have to pick up Rory from school. [Luke pours her some coffee] Thank you.
LUKE
You're welcome.
LORELAI
No lectures?
LUKE
My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
LORELAI
Hm. God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me.
LUKE
Yeah?
LORELAI
Yeah. This morning with the being late, and my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father, this father from Chilton, he, uh, drove out to the inn all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
LUKE
Really? You going?
LORELAI
No. He's got a kid in school with Rory, and the whole thing just seemed a little weird.
LUKE
Oh, good.
LORELAI
Good?
LUKE
Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
LORELAI
Okay.
LUKE
I mean, he's probably old, right?
LORELAI
Old?
LUKE
Yeah. I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
LORELAI
Well, so do I.
LUKE
Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are, uh...
LORELAI
Old.
LUKE
Yeah.
LORELAI
Like this guy who asked me out.
LUKE
But you're not going.
LORELAI
No, I'm not going.
[Luke nods and looks down. Lorelai smiles to herself. Her cell phone rings]
LORELAI
Oh, that's me.
[Luke points to the 'No Cell Phones' sign]
LORELAI
Ugh. [answers phone] Hello? Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. [hangs up] Um, I have to go. [pulls out her wallet]
LUKE
Keep it. I gave you decaf.
[she frowns and walks out the door]
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Babette and Morey, Lorelai's next door neighbors, are sitting in their front yard. Lorelai pulls up and gets out of her Jeep.]
LORELAI
Hey.
BABETTE
Oh, Lorelai, I'm so sorry I had to call you like this.
LORELAI
Oh, that's okay, Babette. I appreciate it.
BABETTE
All of a sudden, they pull up, get out of the truck, and start sniffing around. It's very strange.
LORELAI
All right, let me go talk to them.
MOREY
Tell her about the gnome, baby.
BABETTE
They kicked the gnome.
LORELAI
What?
BABETTE
Right in the head.
MOREY
That's just not cool.
LORELAI
I'm very sorry. Is the gnome okay?
BABETTE
Oh, he's fine, sugar, thanks for asking. But I wouldn't trust these boys. Gnome kicking says a lot about a man's character.
LORELAI
Yes, well, I'm gonna go take care of this. Thanks.
[She walks over to her house where two men are walking around on the porch]
LORELAI
Hey. Um, what are you doing?
MICK
You live here?
LORELAI
Yes, I do.
MICK
I'm supposed to install a DSL for a Lorelai Gilmore. Is that you?
LORELAI
Yes, that's me.
MICK
I'm Mick.
LORELAI
Hi Mick, nice to meet you. Could you get off my porch?
MICK
I was told that you wouldn't be here, but to look for a ceramic frog with a key in it.
LORELAI
I don't understand.
MICK
We can't find the frog.
LORELAI
I didn't order a DSL.
MICK
[checks clipboard] Uh, the order was placed by an... Emily Gilmore.
LORELAI
Ugh, no!
MICK
We would've been done by now, but the frog search has put us way behind.
LORELAI
Well, look...
[the other man walks over]
MAN
Hey, Mick, I found it.
MICK
You found the frog?
MAN
It wasn't a frog, it was a turtle.
MICK
It says here it's a frog.
LORELAI
It's a turtle.
MICK
Really?
LORELAI
Trust me. Listen Mick, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel that DSL order.
MICK
You sure? It's already paid for.
LORELAI
Yeah, I know, but, uh, we don't need a DSL, so thanks for coming, and, uh, you guys can just go.
[Lorelai walks back over to her Jeep]
BABETTE
Is there a problem?
LORELAI
Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play.
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
[Rory is sitting at her desk writing a note that says "Paris -- I am so sorry. Please let me help you." She passes the note to Paris, who crumples it up and throws it on the floor without reading it]
TEACHER
Let's try another passage. "The Romanists have, with great adroitness, drawn three walls round themselves, with which they have hitherto protected themselves, so that no one could reform them, whereby Christendom has fallen terribly." Who said this?
RORY
[sees Paris about to give the answer] Martin Luther.
TEACHER
Very good, Miss Gilmore. And what year did Martin Luther address the Christian nobility?
RORY
[again sees Paris lean forward to answer] 1520.
TEACHER
Very good, Miss Gilmore. [bell rings] Until next time, class.
[Paris walks up to Rory's desk]
PARIS
Stay out of my way. I will make this school a living hell for you. [leaves]
TRISTIN
See you tomorrow, Mary. [leaves]
RORY
The name is Rory.
CUT TO HAIR SALON
[Lorelai walks past the front desk]
RECEPTIONIST
Can I help you?
LORELAI
God, I wish.
[Lorelai walks over to the hairdryer chairs and knocks on her mother's hairdryer]
EMILY
What on earth... [lifts up the hairdryer]
LORELAI
You're not buying us a DSL.
EMILY
Lorelai, this is hardly the place.
LORELAI
I canceled the order, and it's not happening.
EMILY
But Rory needs the Internet for her school.
LORELAI
We have the Internet.
EMILY
Well, this is faster.
LORELAI
Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?
EMILY
What on earth are you talking about?
LORELAI
Also, there will be no cars, no parking spaces, and all the uniforms will be supplied by me, the mother. That's final. There will be no discussion.
EMILY
You're being stubborn, as usual.
LORELAI
No, Mom, I'm not being stubborn as usual, I'm being me! The same person who always needed to work out her own problems and take care of herself because that's the way I was born. That's how I am!
EMILY
Florence, I'm dripping.
LORELAI
I appreciate what you have done for Rory in paying for her school, That will not be forgotten. You won't let it. But she is my daughter, and I decide how we live, not you. Now then, do they validate parking here?
EMILY
There's a stamp at the desk.
LORELAI
Thank you.
[Lorelai walks out. Emily looks around, embarrassed]
CUT TO FRONT OF CHILTON
[Lorelai is drinking coffee by the Jeep as she waits for Rory. Rory emerges from the school]
LORELAI
Mm. Hey, you.
[Rory walks over, drops her backpack and hugs Lorelai]
LORELAI
Oh.
RORY
So, this whole plaid-skirt thing... my idea?
LORELAI
My day sucked, too.
RORY
Promise?
LORELAI
Swear on my mother's life. [starts to pull back]
RORY
Not yet.
LORELAI
Ooh, still hugging, still hugging. [they pull apart] So, I brought us some coffee.
RORY
Why, I'm shocked.
LORELAI
Triple caps, easy foam.
RORY
Wow.
LORELAI
And if that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket. Come here. [picks up Rory's backpack and staggers under the weight] Wow. What, do they expect you to get smart all in one day?
RORY
Oh, they expect a lot of things.
LORELAI
Well, so tell me.
[they get into the Jeep]
RORY
I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
LORELAI
Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.
RORY
One of the girls already hates me, the guys are weird.
LORELAI
Weirder than other guys?
RORY
Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
LORELAI
You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
RORY
Why? What does it mean?
LORELAI
Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
RORY
You're kidding.
LORELAI
No.
RORY
Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
LORELAI
Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
RORY
Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[It's nighttime. Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are walking down the sidewalk eating slices of pizza.]
LANE
It was so weird not having you in school today. I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids, and let me just say, they are a sad lot.
RORY
Yeah, well, add a couple of plaid skirts, and you've got the Chilton freaks.
LANE
I totally miss you.
RORY
I miss you.
LORELAI
Hey guys, I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you know, when I go into Hartford for my business class, what if Lane comes along, and you guys can shop and study and join a cult and shave your heads.
LANE
Really?
LORELAI
All except the shaving your heads part.
LANE
Oh, no. What time is it?
RORY
6:30
LANE
I'm late for dinner.
LORELAI
Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fed and happy.
LANE
I'm sorry, but she found a web site that sells Tofu in bulk.
LORELAI
Oh, you're kidding, right?
LANE
Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge.
LORELAI
Boy, now, your life is scary.
LANE
[to Rory] Can I have your crust?
RORY
[hands her the pizza crust] It's the least I can do.
LANE
Thanks. Bye.
RORY
Bye.
LORELAI
Bye.
[Lane leaves. Lorelai and Rory continue walking down the sidewalk]
LORELAI
Pizza for your thoughts.
RORY
I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back.
LORELAI
Yeah, angry chicks are the worst. When I was in high school I had a Paris.
RORY
Yeah?
LORELAI
Yeah, she was horrible.
RORY
How'd you get rid of her?
LORELAI
I got pregnant and dropped out.
RORY
What if I just learn to French braid her hair?
LORELAI
Even better. Sweetie, you can't let those kids get you down.
RORY
I know.
LORELAI
Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose?
RORY
I'll just figure it out for myself.
LORELAI
Okay.
[Rory laughs a little]
LORELAI
What?
RORY
I was just thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question.
LORELAI
Good, huh?
RORY
Fourteen shades of purple.
LORELAI
Cool.
RORY
Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15.
[they stop in front of Luke's Diner and see Luke inside]
LORELAI
Hey, what do you think of Luke?
RORY
What do you mean?
LORELAI
I mean, do you think he's cute?
RORY
Oh, no. No way.
LORELAI
No way what?
RORY
You cannot date Luke.
LORELAI
I said nothing about dating Luke.
RORY
If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
LORELAI
I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
RORY
Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
LORELAI
I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.
[Luke comes out of the diner and watches them walk away, then puts up the "Closed" sign and goes back inside.]
THE END