T6E16: “Bridesmaids Revisited”

LUKE

Lane, we're getting backed up here.

LANE

Done in a sec.

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

No bacon today. I had to fire my meat guy.

LORELAI

How could you fire pepper pot? He's so cute, and his mother has that skin condition they can't diagnose.

LUKE

He never brings what I order. I have 16 pounds of corned beef and no turkey.

LORELAI

He's so sweet, and his father has that foot-grafting operation coming up next month.

LUKE

I can't keep a guy on because his parents are falling apart.

LORELAI

I know, but he tells those funny little limericks, and his sisters were surgically separated two weeks ago. [Kirk is sitting next to Lorelai and start is sniff Lorelai] What are you doing, Kirk?

KIRK

Did you just eat a 3 musketeers?

LORELAI

No.

KIRK

You really smell like nougat.

LUKE

Stop sniffing my fiancée.

KIRK

I can't help it my senses are more finely tuned these days.

LORELAI

What is the scary man talking about?

LUKE

He's on a juice fast.

LORELAI

Why?

KIRK

Wanted to clean out the pipes, refocus the arteries. I want to get the healthy glow of someone who consistently goes to the gym... without having to go to the gym of course.

LORELAI

Of course. You look positively radiant.

LUKE

You want eggs?

KIRK

[Slowly like he is hungry] Eggs...

LORELAI

Err, scrambled and a couple pancakes, please.

KIRK

[Quietly to Lorelai] Blueberry pancakes, blueberry pancakes.

LORELAI

Kirk, eat something.

KIRK

What? Oh, no, I'm doing fine.

LORELAI

Yeah, okay. [To Luke] Hold on there, speed racer.

LUKE

I have to get these orders [To Lane] since I'm the only one serving here.

LANE

Almost done, Luke.

LORELAI

I just want to remind you about Rory's panel...

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Ah the panel I'm going to today, the young voices of journalism panel.

LUKE

Rory's thing?

LORELAI

Well, it looks like Christopher is going to be there, also, and I just thought you should know.

LUKE

He's been showing up a lot lately.

LORELAI

He's trying to make good... for Rory, so...

LUKE

I'm good. I'll get you those pancakes.

KIRK

Blueberry pancakes. Blueberry pancakes!

LANE

Okay, what do you think?

LORELAI

[Gasps] Oh, nice. Very "white rabbit."

LANE

Well, I want it to stand out.

LORELAI

It does. It's great.

LANE

What do you think of the picture?

LORELAI

The picture's great. What's wrong with the picture?

LANE

I photograph so Asian.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, I think Ming-Na has that same problem.

LANE

I have to get back in a band. I'm going crazy not playing.

LORELAI

I can imagine.

LANE

You go from having band practice every day and seeing [Choking up a little] certain people every day, and then suddenly you're not.

LORELAI

You mean Zach?

LANE

And Brian and Gil.

LORELAI

Yeah. You guys still aren't talking? [Lane shakes her head] Well, the flyer is great.

LANE

Thanks.

LORELAI

I like the shiny, fancy pens you used.

LANE

They're Luke's daughters, actually. She left them here last week, and I snagged them.

LORELAI

Good score. [Chuckles] So she's been coming around a lot lately, huh?

LANE

Yeah, she comes in here and studies or draws. We even play some games when things get slow. She kicks my ass at scrabble.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah?

LANE

When we play Monopoly, I rule, because she's a kid and hasn't gotten the monopoly concept. She still thinks park place is a good buy.

LORELAI

Sweet.

LANE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Huh...I used to play board games with Rory a lot. She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. Huh, so cute.

LANE

It's hard to cheat with April. She spends the first 20 minutes reading the rules manual right in front of you.

LORELAI

Rory was obsessed with battleship. I always thought she was gonna join the navy when she grew up.

LANE

Well, there's still time.

LORELAI

Yes, fingers crossed.

LUKE

[Walking up to them] Hey, Lane, how about a raise?

LANE

Sorry, Luke. [To Lorelai] I got to go.

KIRK

Peach shampoo?

JONI

You hate it.

RORY

Joni I don't, and I promise I'm gonna run it. I just need you to cut about 400 words. Don't give me that look. Simplify your prose. You'll still get your point across, and I won't have to publish a newspaper the size of a David Foster Wallace novel. [Comes to Paris's desk] Paris?

PARIS

Yes?

RORY

I wanted to give you some notes on your campus safety piece.

PARIS

Fine.

RORY

Um, well, I think it's good. It's really good, actually, um, but the lead's a little flabby. Getting into an example might give it more punch up top.

PARIS

If you say so. Anything else?

RORY

Uh, some of the quotes read too long. I'd cut two or three and trim, Paris, what are you doing?

PARIS

I don't know. What am I doing?

RORY

You're not making eye contact with me.

PARIS

I'm looking right at you.

RORY

No, you're not.

PARIS

Want to test me? Brown hair, blue eyes.

RORY

Here's your hard copy. I think those notes will help.

PARIS

Of course you do. They're your notes.

RORY

Not because they're my notes, because they're good notes.

PARIS

Says the note giver. It'll take half an hour.

RORY

Fine. [walks away from Paris] That was unpleasant.

DOYLE

Try sleeping with her.

RORY

I'll take your word for it.

DOYLE

No, it's impossible because she doesn't sleep anymore. She makes damn sure I don't, either. Last night she decided it would be fun to watch "Saw II" at 3:00 in the morning. Then when I woke up and asked her if she could turn it down, she berated me for being a film snob.

RORY

How are you handling it?

DOYLE

I believe the term for it is "keeping my mouth shut."

RORY

I don't know what to do with her. She's one of the best reporters we have, but she has gone way beyond her normal level of nuts.

DOYLE

She's on the warpath right now. She'll calm down. She just needs some time.

RORY

You know, maybe I could give her more to do. That piece she just wrote would make a great series. Giving her something like that might help her rebound faster, make her the normal Paris again. What do you think.

DOYLE

Um, sure.

RORY

That wasn't very convincing.

DOYLE

It's your call.

RORY

Doyle come on former editor to current editor. What do you think?

DOYLE

[Sighs] Would you do that for any other staffer who was treating you the way she is?

RORY

No.

DOYLE

Look I have more interest in Paris snapping out of this than anyone. I think it's something she's gonna get to on her own.

RORY

Yeah... Yeah, you're probably right.

DOYLE

I got to go. I'm gonna sneak back to the apartment, see if I can get a few hours of sleep before Paris comes home and spends the rest of the night wanting to play the jazz trumpet. Yeah, she bought a trumpet.

LANE

Hey, Lou. Okay if I put an ad up?

LOU

They come down after two weeks.

LANE

I can abide by that.

ZACH

[Singing] Take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car take me riding in the car, car I'll take you riding in the car. [Notices someone asleep in the small audience, not singing] Joel.

JOEL

Mom, come on. That's not cool.

ZACH

[Singing] Click-clack, open up the door, girls click-clack, open up the door, boys front door, back door, clickety-clack. [He notices Land leaving. Music stops] Joel, take it.

JOEL

Take what?

ZACH

The song. Take it. [Zach gets up]

JOEL

Well, unh! Yeah! [Tambourine jingles & rock and roll] Unh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on!

LOGAN

Hey. [Rory cant hear him]

RORY

Aah! Oh, you scared me.

LOGAN

Sorry.

RORY

What?

LOGAN

Sorry!

RORY

What?!

LOGAN

Sorry.

RORY

I guess that was a little loud.

LOGAN

What?!

RORY

Sorry!

LOGAN

I'm telling you, we should take this on the road. [Rory giggles] I see you went with Faye Dunaway in "network."

RORY

And Maureen Dowd "come hither" pumps for good measure.

LOGAN

I wish I could be there for you.

RORY

Oh, you do not.

LOGAN

I do, too.

RORY

You'd be asleep in three minutes.

LOGAN

The pumps would've kept me going for at least four. [Finishes a drink] I'm in a suit at 2:00 in the afternoon. Honor has to have everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How'd I get conned into this?

RORY

Into what?

LOGAN

Being one of Josh's groomsmen.

RORY

You like Josh.

LOGAN

I don't even know Josh.

RORY

He's gonna be your brother-in-law.

LOGAN

Yes, exactly “going to be”. Key word is "going." He's not now.

RORY

Your tie is crooked.

LOGAN

[Sighs] But as of today, josh is simply the guy who holds my sister's purse when she goes shopping, and because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line.

RORY

You have yet to accomplish that, so practice wouldn't hurt.

LOGAN

[Sighs] I'm not there, and I'm bored already.

RORY

You can always talk to your good friend “flasky”.

LOGAN

Right. Thanks for the reminder. I just don't understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party, I get.

RORY

I bet you do.

LOGAN

The actual ceremony, I get. But the rehearsal, I don't get.

RORY

Wallet.

LOGAN

And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a 5-course dinner surrounded by my new family and honor's brigade of moronic bridesmaids.

RORY

Oh, come on, you love honor. Her friends can't be that bad.

LOGAN

Oh, no. Blondie, dipsy, bubbles, four nose jobs, charm McGee, all great gals.

RORY

Meow.

LOGAN

Can't you just do the panel, blow off the mixer, and meet me for the dinner?

RORY

Logan, come on. By the time I get out of there and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over.

LOGAN

No, it wouldn't. Dinner's never gonna be over. It's gonna last forever.

RORY

I will be here waiting for you when you get back, and I will have aspirin.

LOGAN

Fine. I'll be back by 11:00 ten to 11:00, possibly 10:30.

RORY

Go.

LOGAN

Fine.

RORY

Did you forget something? [They share a long kiss]

LOGAN

You look incredible. Knock 'em dead. [They kiss again]

LORELAI

Hey.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey. [He kisses her on the cheek]

LORELAI

Nice seats.

CHRISTOPHER

I got here early and scouted out the best ones. [They sit down] We were more towards the middle, but then two people, I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, sat right in front of me.

LORELAI

Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh?

CHRISTOPHER

I swear, any place with free cheese and crackers, they are there.

CHRISTOPHER

You look nice.

LORELAI

Thanks.

CHRISTOPHER

I think this haircut cost more than all the haircuts I've had in my life combined.

LORELAI

Hmm. Well, it was worth it. It looks very, very short.

RORY

Mom, dad.

LORELAI

The woman of the hour.

RORY

You made it.

CHRISTOPHER

Of course we did.

RORY

[Lorelai and Rory huge] Careful! The hair, it's pinned perfectly.

CHRISTOPHER

Whoa.

LORELAI

Yeah. Sorry... So, are you excited?

RORY

Yeah, and nervous. I've got a lot of talking points. I feel like I'm gonna get up there and forget everything.

CHRISTOPHER

You're gonna do great, hon.

LORELAI

Yeah, you are. You're a natural at this kind of thing. And just remember if things don't go well, we will stop loving you.

RORY

I better get up there. I'll see you guys afterwards.

LORELAI

Yeah. We'll be rooting for you.

RORY

It's not really a root-for-me kinda thing, but thank you.

LORELAI

Well, we brought foam fingers.

CHRISTOPHER

We're doing the wave if things get dull.

LORELAI

Yeah. [They take there seats, Lorelai offers a Dud to Chris] Dud?

GORDON

Welcome, everybody, to the young voices of journalism panel. I'm Arthur Gordon, a professor of English here at Yale, and I shall be moderating today's panel. We're joined today by the editors of the country's most prestigious collegiate newspapers.

CHRISTOPHER

[To Lorelai] Whoo-hoo! [Lorelai taps Chris on the arm]

GORDON

We have before us editors from the Harvard Crimson, the Daily Princetonian, the Cornell Daily Sun, the Daily Pennsylvanian, and the Yale Daily News all here today to tell us what's on their minds, to hear where they think ivy-league journalism is heading, and more broadly, to share their views on the future of the free press in America.

LORELAI

[To Chris] Whoa. Heavy.

GORDON

I will begin by posing a series of questions to our panel. Now let's begin. I was wondering how the panelists would describe the state of journalistic ethics on a collegiate level in the post-Judy Miller era, and...

QUENTIN

Wonderful question. Quentin Walsh, Daily Princetonian. The ramifications of the scandal to which you obliquely alluded ought not to be underestimated.

CHRISTOPHER

[To Lorelai] I hate this guy already.

LORELAI

Rory told me about him. That's "pompous Princeton guy."

CHRISTOPHER

Well if your parents name you that, what chance do you have? [Lorelai giggles]

QUENTIN

The struggle to preserve the fundamental principles and rights upon which our free press depends was made far more difficult by the choice of certain reporters who shall remain unnamed [Laughs] To capitulate to governmental pressure and divulge their sources.

LORELAI

He's unbelievable.

CHRISTOPHER

He's wearing a bow tie.

LORELAI

Should I dud him?

QUENTIN

I myself have, on occasion, felt tremendous pressure to divulge unnamed sources, but I've stood my ground, knowing that while I may suffer for my principled stand, there was a much greater issue at stake.

RORY

If I may? Rory Gilmore, Yale Daily News. While I agree there is no greater or more important tool for a free press than confidential sources, I also think it unwise for us to presume from our limited experiences editing college newspapers that we really have any true understanding of what it must feel like when the Federal Government of the United States puts the screws to you. I just think it would be the height of hubris for us to claim that we know what we would do when faced with that kind of pressure. But that's just one reporter's opinion.

LORELAI

We created her.

CHRISTOPHER

Out of thin air.

RORY

I just don't care how funny the picture is. If it's not newsworthy and I can't see how it would be, I would not publish a picture of the university president stuffing his face with key lime pie at the drama club bake sale.

GORDON

I'm sure president Levin will be pleased to hear that.

RORY

If someone pushed key lime pie in the president's face as a statement, that I would print.

QUENTIN

Me, too, front page.

RORY

Quentin, you agreed with me. I didn't think you were capable.

GORDON

On that note calendula, we have to end our discussion. I'd like to thank all our panelists for a terrific discussion and thank you all for coming.

LORELAI

Our girl's got skills.

CHRISTOPHER

She even had her archrival laughing with her by the end.

LORELAI

She's keeping her enemies close and giggling.

CHRISTOPHER

Very devious.

RORY

So?

LORELAI

If I had a cooler of Gatorade, I'd pour it over your head.

RORY

Sounds refreshing. So, I was pretty good, wasn't I?

LORELAI

You dazzled.

CHRISTOPHER

You totally wiped the floor with “pompous Princeton guy”.

RORY

Well, the floor looked a little dirty.

LORELAI

So, can we take you out for an ice-cream soda?

RORY

Sorry. I gotta go we have this editors' mixer thing now. Rain check?

LORELAI

Yeah, go. Mix well.

CHRISTOPHER

Bye, hon.

RORY

Bye.

LORELAI

We were just rain-checked.

CHRISTOPHER

Yep.

LORELAI

I don't know how I feel about that.

CHRISTOPHER

Okay, so I kept track, wrote 'em down. I got 16 words that she used that I have never heard before.

LORELAI

Perspicacious?

CHRISTOPHER

17 words that I have never heard before. My god, she's smart.

LORELAI

She is smart. She's Anthony Michael hall in "breakfast club" smart.

CHRISTOPHER

I'm very proud and mystified. [Pager beeps]

LORELAI

Well, me, baby, all me.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, it's my new nanny.

LORELAI

Oh, does sienna know about this?

CHRISTOPHER

Actually, this is the fourth new nanny in six months. I'm telling you, pickings are slim out there for someone decent to look after your kid.

LORELAI

I think that's why they invented parents.

CHRISTOPHER

Ah, crap, she can't work Sunday.

LORELAI

What's going on Sunday?

CHRISTOPHER

I promised my mother I'd take her to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave. I'm thinking it might not be the thrill for G.G. That it's gonna be for the rest of us.

LORELAI

Not without noisemakers, it won't.

CHRISTOPHER

This s single parent stuff.

LORELAI

Fun, huh?

CHRISTOPHER

I tell you, I can't wait till G.G. Starts school.

LORELAI

G.G.'s starting school? You're so old. Where is she gonna go?

CHRISTOPHER

Not sure yet. These snotty private schools are impossible. There are waiting lists and psychological tests and blood samples and sworn oaths and dark back-room promises, and every single headmistress looks like Dick Cheney.

LORELAI

You can always send her to public school.

CHRISTOPHER

Yes, I could, if I wanted to kill my mother.

LORELAI

Well, you will be at the cemetery tomorrow.

CHRISTOPHER

Lor.

LORELAI

[Chuckles] You know um, If you're ever stuck and you need somebody to watch her, I'd be happy to fill in.

CHRISTOPHER

Really?

LORELAI

Yeah, I'm fun. I like Teletubbies.

CHRISTOPHER

Sober?

LORELAI

[Scoffs] I have got plenty of Rory's old books and games, and I'm totally at your service.

CHRISTOPHER

Okay, well, I just may take you up on that.

LORELAI

Good.

CHRISTOPHER

So, what does "perspicacious" mean?

LORELAI

I don't know. "Persp", to perspire? Am I close?

CHRISTOPHER

Close enough for me.

GIL

[Singing] So, that's right, dude meet me at the bleachers no principals, no student teachers both of us want to be the winner but there can only be one so, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you that's right, I'm the last one standing another one bites the dust a few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl A few times I've been around that track so it's not just gonna happen like that 'cause I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh, that's my shh that's my shh ooh, ooh

GIL

Thank you, everyone. That's our Bat Mitzvah girl Julia Lowman's favorite song in the world, and I can see why, because it's full of strong female attitude, which I dig. Let me tell you, Julia, guys are turned on by that. Don't think they aren't. They like girls with legs and brains, like smart biker chicks, you know? So keep on the path you're on, keep up with school, and, baby, you're going places. [Applause] I see the cake coming out of the kitchen, everybody, so we're gonna break for a couple minutes to sugar up. Back in a few.

ZACH

Hey, guys.

BRIAN

[To Gil] I think you used too much whammy bar during "my humps."

GIL

I was out of control.

ZACH

So, you guys aren't gonna talk to me?

BRIAN

What's there to talk about?

GIL

Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's zip locked shut.

ZACH

Well, you guys sounded great.

GIL

Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's a West Hartford Bat Mitzvah, not the Albert Hall. Well, a gig's a gig.

ZACH

Totally. A gig's a gig. This crowd is lucky. I'm telling you, it was tight. You could've played that at the Albert Hall... [To Brian] So, uh, I reached a new level on Soulcalibur 3.

BRIAN

Uh-huh.

ZACH

Level 50 assassin.

BRIAN

Really?

ZACH

Yeah I just low-kicked my way through and chalked up a mess of perfects.

BRIAN

You're gonna take the sword master mantel soon.

ZACH

But you're, like, the original sword master.

BRIAN

I beat the last boss. Hit him middle, high, middle, low, middle, high. Took forever to figure out all his specials.

ZACH

I know. I was sitting next to you when you did it. It was awesome... Listen, this thing with us, I want to fix it.

GIL

It's too late.

ZACH

It's not. Look, I know I was an idiot. If I could turn back time, I would.

BRIAN

Oh, hey, "turn back time." We should add that to the set. Cher is always a slam dunk.

ZACH

I want to get the band back together. We were going somewhere, you know? About to play for a label, and, well, I miss you guys. I don't mean to get all "Brokeback Mountain" on you, but we're buds, you know, and I miss you, and you're not gonna believe it, but that kid over there is about to down a whole cup of maraschino cherries.

GIL

That's Aton, the Feldman's boy.

BRIAN

He's gonna do it, man. He's gonna do it.

KIDS

[Chanting] Go, go, go! Yay!

GIL

He did it!

ZACH

I didn't think he had it in him.

BRIAN

He is gonna be puking.

ZACH

So, what do you say, guys? You want to re-form Hep Alien?

GIL

Maybe, if you can get lane.

BRIAN

She'll never come back.

ZACH

Leave lane to me. I'm gonna reason with her.

BRIAN

Well, if lane's in, I'm in.

GIL

Me, too. Hep Alien has got to rock again.

ZACH

Cool. [The 3 of them shake hands together]

MAN

Excuse me, Gilbert. [Talks in Gil's ear]

GIL

Oh it's time for the big one.

BRIAN

Let's do it.

ZACH

Kick ass, guys.

GIL

All right. Let's bring this whole mishpachah down to the dance floor, 'cause it's time to rock-a-dila! Hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha, hava naGila, hava naGila, hava naGila, venis'mecha

RORY

This place is like a labyrinth.

LOGAN

Well if you get lost, keep your hand on the wall and keep walking. You'll find your way out or get eaten by a Minotaur.

RORY

Thanks, chum.

LOGAN

Josh, my man, what's going on?

JOSHONOR

My cuff links have been stolen.

LOGAN

Don't worry. I'm good at finding things. At Easter-egg hunts, they used to make me wear an eye patch to keep things fair.

JOSHONOR

Okay, but I suspect thievery.

LOGAN

You sure you'll be okay hanging out by yourself for a while?

RORY

For at least a fortnight. I'm good. Go, put on your eye patch, and find some cuff links. [They Kiss]

LOGAN

I'll see you later. Come on, josh. Dead man walking!

RORY

Excuse me. I'm trying to find the library.

MAN

Oh, sure, it's in the east wing.

HONOR

Rory!

RORY

Oh, hey, bride. You look beautiful.

HONOR

You like my wedding sweats? [They giggle] I'm beginning think town & country might not approve.

RORY

How are you doing?

HONOR

Okay. You have to come back and hang out with me and the bridesmaids.

RORY

Oh, that's sweet, but I can't. I have all this work.

SOFIA

Ladies, come on. Makeup time. And whoever took Josh's cuff links, hand them over.

HONOR

Look, the girls have cracked open a case of champagne. I need you to be my designated dresser. I'm the bride, you can't say no to a bride. It's bad luck.

RORY

I guess I can do my work tomorrow.

HONOR

That's always been my motto. Come on. All day, if anyone does something I don't want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck. I swear, getting married is so fabulous!

HONOR

Everybody, so, this is my lovely friend Rory. Rory is gonna hang out with us while we get ready. Some of you might have met at the shower, but this is Alexandra, Walker, Megan, and Claude.

WALKER

Welcome to the final hours of honor's maidenhood.

ALEXANDRA

Yeah right, Honor's maidenhood didn't make it to upper school at Brearley.

HONOR

Not true. Turks and Caicos -- 1996.

MEGAN

Anyway, we're here to celebrate these last precious hours before we lose Honor to the dark side.

WALKER

And to celebrate, we drink booze.

HONOR

Not me. I'm having one glass right before the ceremony.

ALEXANDRA

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

CLAUDE

Ooh, I love that dress, Rory.

RORY

Oh, thanks.

MEGAN

Is that Carolina's?

RORY

Um, no, it's mine.

HONOR

Oh, Rory, this is Italo. Italo's a total genius. If they gave Macarthur grants for hair, he'd get one.

WOMAN

Okay, girls, I need to get you in these chairs pronto.

WALKER

Bridezilla?

HONOR

[Laughs] Okay, but just one now and one right before the ceremony.

ALEXANDRA

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

HONOR

I need it to make a toast. [Clears throat] To friends, old and new, borrowed and blue. You guys are awesome.

WALKER

To honor and to honor's honor. The missing maidenhood. [Cheering and laughing]

LORELAI

AND LUKE'S HOUSE

LORELAI

Hi.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey.

LORELAI

What's all this?

CHRISTOPHER

G.G.'S pillow. Here's her blanket and duvet cover.

LORELAI

Err, what no mattress and box spring?

CHRISTOPHER

She never goes anywhere without her duvet cover. She calls it her scrunchy-bunchy because she likes to scrunch it...

LORELAI

and bunch it. Hey I get it. Um, did you forget the kid?

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, uh, G.G. come on, honey.

LORELAI

What's she chasing?

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, that's a cat.

LORELAI

Err, just so you know, that cat bites, scratches, and sprays, and I'm pretty sure it's in heat.

CHRISTOPHER

G.G.? Come on, sweetie. Right now. [G.G. Comes to the door]

LORELAI

Hey, kiddo. I'm so excited to hang out with you today.

CHRISTOPHER

G.G., You want to give Lorelai a hug?

G.G.

[Yelling] No! [She drops her jacket, takes the scrunchy-bunchy and runs into the living room]

CHRISTOPHER

G.G., Please come back here and pick up your jacket. G.G.?

LORELAI

I'll get it for you.

CHRISTOPHER

Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it.

LORELAI

Please. I'm looking forward to it. I managed to find UNO and checkers and parts of battleship and most of the pieces of candy land, which I figure we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, candy ship battle land. War never tasted so good.

CHRISTOPHER

Okay, then. Well, I'm off. [Chris kisses Lorelai on the cheek]

LORELAI

Go. Get out of here. [Chuckles, closes the door and goes to find G.G. , Gasps] You already figured how to turn on the TV on? You smarty. [Sits on the couch next to her] So, what are we watching?

G.G.

Shh! [Which makes Lorelai back off]

LORELAI

"Shhhhh-indler's list"? [Chuckles] Oh, "Full House." You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh less now than they did on that show. [G.G. looks at Lorelai] Right. I get it. I don't like it when people talk to me when I'm watching TV either.

HONOR

Okay, so I don't look obese?

MEGAN

You look like a skeleton.

WALKER

A beautiful, blushing skeleton.

HONOR

Whoa.

RORY

What?

HONOR

All of a sudden the idea of marriage seems totally archaic and insane. Legally binding one woman with one man until they die? It's perverse. Why on earth do people do this?! Why am I doing this?!

WALKER

Uh-oh. Freak-out.

CLAUDE

You love Josh, remember?

HONOR

Oh, yeah, josh. Okay. Okay, freak-out over. [Laughs] I wonder if josh is freaking out.

MEGAN

We saw him before we took a smoke break. He looked nervous.

HONOR

Oh, adorable. Hey, can someone check my sling-back? It feels messed up, and I can't reach my own feet.

WALKER

Certainly. [Gets down on the floor, half drunk] Oh, yes, the sling-back is not slung back properly. I think I can remedy this if I just sling this back. [She knock the bottle of Champaign over she is holding and everyone gasps] Oops!

HONOR

Did that get on my dress? Someone tell me if I need to freak out.

MEGAN

It's fine.

HONOR

Get away from me, you lousy drunk.

WALKER

Hey, that's offensive. I'm a terrific drunk.

HONOR

I need my designated dresser.

RORY

At your service.

HONOR

Make sure it's secure because I plan on dancing tonight.

CLAUDE

Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory about the quote-unquote dignitaries coming to the shindig? It's always the same culprits.

RORY

I need warning?

ALEXANDRA

The ambassador from Luxembourg is very handsy.

MEGAN

No, you have to watch out for that poet. What's his name?

WALKER

The dude with the red face?

MEGAN

He just did a translation of the "Bhagavad Gita." Anyway, he acts like he's gay, but it's such a ruse. Total perv.

RORY

Poet, red face, not gay, "Bhagavad Gita," perv. Got it.

SOFIA

I'm going to steal the bride to take a couple quick pictures. Honor, honey, grab your veil. The rest of you, 3-minute warning.

RORY

You are dance-floor ready.

HONOR

Thank you, my dear. See you soon, everybody.

SOFIA

Head that way, toward the sitting room. We don't want Josh to see you in your dress. It's bad luck.

HONOR

Please. Like I care about things like that.

MEGAN

I look like a drag queen.

WALKER

My hair is insane.

ALEXANDRA

I want your hair. My hair looks like Linda Kers. Italo was punishing me.

WALKER

I'll tell you what I want, to hook up with someone tonight.

ALEXANDRA

Just remember that pinning guys in the corner and shoving your tongue down their throats can sometimes come off as desperate.

WALKER

But I am desperate, I swear. I might go home with the ambassador from Luxembourg.

CLAUDE

Come on. There'll be plenty of eligible bachelors tonight.

WALKER

Like who?

CLAUDE

The groomsmen, for starters.

ALEXANDRA

Tripp Wallison is looking good.

MEGAN

You always think he's looking good.

ALEXANDRA

'Cause he always is. Anyway, so do you.

CLAUDE

Alexandra and Megan have both slept with Tripp.

RORY

Small world.

ALEXANDRA

I'm with Liam. You can have Tripp.

WALKER

Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole Mia Farrow, Woody Allen thing.

CLAUDE

How about Josh's brother?

WALKER

Poor man's josh? Really poor man's? He's the josh they give away at the soup kitchens.

ALEXANDRA

Oh, there's always Logan.

WALKER

Been there, done that.

CLAUDE

Shush!

WALKER

What "shush"? You should talk.

CLAUDE

Rory is Logan's girlfriend.

WALKER

Oops. Oh, my god, you're Rory-Rory. I'm so retarded. Don't worry. This was way before you guys started dating. This was back around Thanksgiving.

RORY

[Confused] Last Thanksgiving?

WALKER

It meant nothing. Believe me, meaningless.

MEGAN

Walker will have sex with anyone.

WALKER

I will.

CLAUDE

I'm sure you know Logan and I dated, but that was ages ago, eons, back when he drove a Z3. And then we had a stupid one-night stand this December, but there's nothing between us, I swear. We're just friends who drank too much spiked eggnog. Now he's met you, and you guys are so great together, really.

RORY

[Still in shock] Thanks.

ALEXANDRA

I didn't know you slept with Logan. I thought you two messed around.

WALKER

No, you said you just messed around with him. I said that he and I hooked up. I meant hooked up-hooked up.

ALEXANDRA

[To Walker] I thought you just meant messed around.

MEGAN

[To Alexandra] How come you never told me you messed around with Logan. Why am I not in the loop?

ALEXANDRA

I'm with Liam. Officially, nothing happened. These shoes are killing my feet.

WALKER

Just scrunch up your toes a little bit. That's what I'm doing. It feels good.

RORY

Did you hook up with Logan around Thanksgiving?

MEGAN

No way. I was in Biarritz.

SOFIA

Okay, ladies, time to line up. The processional is about to start. Rory, you better go find your seat.

MEGAN

I look like Rupaul.

WALKER

Where's my flowers? Does Sofia have the flowers?

CLAUDE

See you at the party, Rory.

ALEXANDRA

Oh, just F.Y.I. Before I got together with Liam, he slept with half the upper east side, and now he's loyal as a dog.

WALKER

I need my flowers. [Alexandra points to the bunch Walker is holding] Oh, I already have my flowers. Oops!

LORELAI

AND LUKE'S HOUSE

LORELAI

I don't know how you did it, kid, but every single thing I own is now broken or missing. Oh, G.G., Hon, you're coloring on the floor there. The, the it's not enough the paper's near the marker. It has to actually be under it. [small laugh] G.G., Give me, oh, that's a permanent marker, honey. Give me that.

G.G.

No!

LORELAI

Yes. Permanent marker causes permanent damage, which makes auntie Lorelai permanently bitter, now...

G.G.

No!

LORELAI

G.G. [Gasps as G.G. deliberately draws a line on the floor] Oh, my god! God, give me that. [Takes the marker from G.G.]

G.G.

[Screaming]

LORELAI

If that's your Donald Sutherland "invasion of the body snatchers" impression, it's a really good one. [Screaming continues] "I'm sorry, ma'am, those tonsils are gonna have to come out." [Screaming continues] G.G., Please, if you stop, I'll give you one of those caramel apples that I showed you, okay? They're delicious, but to get one you have to stop making the world's most annoying noise in 5, 4, 3, 2... [Screaming stops...Lorelai sighs] Thank you. Nothing a little eardrum replacement surgery won't fix. Come on, let's go in the kitchen. [she runs past Lorelai] G.G.? Hey, don't you go into Rory's room. You know you're not allowed in there. G.G.? Hey, you. [Door slams] I know this is a cliché, but just wait till your father gets home!

LOGAN

Here you are.

RORY

Here I am.

LOGAN

I was looking all over for you. I didn't see you when I was walking down the aisle. Looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you?

RORY

Here.

LOGAN

Here? You missed the wedding?

RORY

I'll apologize to honor later.

LOGAN

Forget Honor. What's going on? Rory.

RORY

You didn't say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. You only had sex with two of them. One you just "fooled around with," whatever that means. She spared me the parameters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in?

LOGAN

Rory.

RORY

You know what? Never mind. I've got a good imagination. I can figure it out.

LOGAN

Okay, look.

RORY

I can't believe it, you didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me.

LOGAN

I didn't cheat on you.

RORY

Oh, so you didn't sleep with...

LOGAN

No, I did, but we were broken up.

RORY

No, you were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time.

LOGAN

Apart, not seeing each other.

RORY

Yes, taking some time, not seeing each other for a while. That doesn't mean "broken up."

LOGAN

Oh, come on.

RORY

No! When... To break up, you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken off and then just go off and... god, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks, the coffee cart and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup. What do you need me for?

LOGAN

Because I love you.

RORY

No. Don't.

LOGAN

Rory, I didn't cheat on you. I didn't lie to you.

RORY

You didn't tell me.

LOGAN

Of course not. Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?

RORY

"Blondie, dizzy", I love the cover, pretending all those girls were worthless idiots.

LOGAN

They are worthless idiots, shooting their mouths off in front of you like that.

RORY

It's not their fault.

LOGAN

It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble.

RORY

We were only apart for like two seconds, and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister's friends. How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts, signals, b-12 shots?

LOGAN

I was depressed. I was lonely. I was upset. I've known these girls forever. It was just companionship, okay? It meant nothing.

RORY

Don't be at the apartment between 10:00 and 1:00 tomorrow so I can get my stuff.

CAESAR

Coffee on it's way.

KIRK

What?

LANE

You're disgusting, and you're cheating on your juice diet.

KIRK

I didn't cheat. I expanded the definition of "juice"... I feel dirty.

ZACH

Hey.

LANE

We're out of food.

KIRK

What?!

ZACH

I have to talk to you a sec. I went to a Bat Mitzvah last night.

LANE

[To Zach] Mazel tov. [To Babette] You want some more coffee?

BABETTE

What the hell.

ZACH

I talked to the guys.

LANE

I know you ripped my flyer down.

ZACH

What?

LANE

My "drummer wanted" flyer at Sophie's. It was ripped down, and Lou said he saw you do it. I just want you to know that I think that sucks.

ZACH

Well, "a," Lou's a fathead, and, two, I had my reasons. Come on, Lane, stop. I have to talk to you.

LANE

About what? What do you have to talk to me about, Zach?

ZACH

I have to talk to you about how it's all feeling wrong. I tried to write a song about it, and I was gonna bring my amp and axe and play it for you. But it was coming out way too Emo, so I decided to just say it. [takes a deep breath] I get up in the morning and I don't feel good. I go to work and I don't feel good. I come home and I don't feel good. I brush my teeth and I don't feel good. Then I go to bed and I don't feel good. Then I wake up and I don't feel good. And then I go to work and I don't feel good.

BABETTE

You don't feel good! We get it! Go on!

LUKE

Hey, is something burning down here?

LANE

Luke, shh!

LUKE

Okay, sorry.

LANE

Go on.

ZACH

Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Lane, will you marry me?

LANE

What?

ZACH

[Softly] Will you marry me?

LANE

But... do you even know what you're saying? I mean, have you even thought about this? [Zach pulls a ring from his pocket] Oh, my god, you have thought about this.

ZACH

I got it at the pawn shop. It belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something. But it looked cool, and I could afford it, so I got it. [Hands the ring to Lane] You're smiling.

LANE

I know.

ZACH

Does this mean yes?

LANE

Yes. It means yes.

ZACH

Really? Cool.

BABETTE

For god's sakes, kiss him, sugar!

KIRK

[Eating] Yeah, kiss him, sugar! [Cheers and applause as they kiss.]

LANE

So... I should get back to work.

ZACH

It's okay. I wasn't thinking the ceremony should be today or anything.

LANE

I'm off at 8:00.

ZACH

I'll swing by.

LANE

[Walks behind the counter, to Luke] I'm getting married.

LUKE

I heard.

LANE

[Giggles, and starts handing food and a toaster to customers, she's in a daze. Luke puts the toaster back and plates to customer who are meant to get them.]

LORELAI

AND LUKE'S HOUSE

LORELAI

Hey.

CHRISTOPHER

Hi, Mary Poppins.

LORELAI

[Chuckles] Sorry, the place is a mess.

CHRISTOPHER

It's okay. I left my white gloves at home.

LORELAI

So, how'd it go with you today?

CHRISTOPHER

Great. I got everything done. It was actually nice spending some time with my mom.

LORELAI

Good.

CHRISTOPHER

So, what, you lose my kid? Should I call the milk carton people?

LORELAI

Oh, she's asleep in Rory's room.

CHRISTOPHER

She's all tuckered out, huh?

LORELAI

Yeah, either that or she knocked herself out. She was throwing books around Rory's room.

CHRISTOPHER

What do you mean?

LORELAI

Well, when she was done drawing on the floor and pouring chocolate milk on Paul Anka, then she took to throwing books around for a while. This was before the spitting and the furniture kicking and the grand finale where she pulled all the sheets off the bed and tried to flush them down the toilet.

CHRISTOPHER

You're kidding.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm really not.

CHRISTOPHER

Well, she's a spirited kid.

LORELAI

Spirited, possessed. Potato, po-tah-to.

CHRISTOPHER

3-year-olds can be a lot to handle. If you're not used it, I'm sure it can be overwhelming.

LORELAI

Oh, no, no, this wasn't 3-year-old hard-to-handle. This was feral hyena hard-to-handle.

CHRISTOPHER

So, you guys didn't click.

LORELAI

Chris, this is not about clicking. This is about spoiled.

CHRISTOPHER

Spoiled?

LORELAI

Yes, G.G. Has clearly never heard the word "no" in her entire life.

CHRISTOPHER

She's heard the word "no.”

LORELAI

Well, at no time did me saying "no" elicit anything other than a scream. I said, "no coloring on the floor", she screamed. I said, "no pulling Paul Anka's tail", she screamed. I tried discussing Japanese Noh theater with her. She screamed.

CHRISTOPHER

So what?

LORELAI

I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm saying I think you could apply a little more discipline.

CHRISTOPHER

She's a kid. Kids are hard.

LORELAI

Yeah, I know kids. I raised one, okay?

CHRISTOPHER

Kids are different today. It's a different world. They need more nurturing, more space.

LORELAI

I'm sorry. Uh, yes, that was Dr. Spock turning over in his grave.

CHRISTOPHER

We're going.

LORELAI

[Sighs] Come on, Chris. It isn't just me. Those preschool interviews?

CHRISTOPHER

Those people don't know what they're talking about.

LORELAI

And the nanny?

CHRISTOPHER

Is a flake.

LORELAI

[Sighs] You know giving G.G. Whatever she wants isn't gonna make up for Sherry being a crappy mom and bailing.

CHRISTOPHER

You know what? I've had enough of your advice and your help. [Chris carries G.G. out]

RORY

Hit me, barkeep.

BARTENDER

That's your third one.

RORY

What are you, my mother?

BARTENDER

No.

RORY

No, you're not. I'm not driving, and I live right over... there, or somewhere near there. Or there. But it's close, and I'm walking, and I want another drink.

BARTENDER

Okay.

RORY

[Sighs] Hey! These are mine.

WAITRESS

I was just gonna get them out of your way.

RORY

Don't take what's mine. These came with my drinks. He put them down in front of me. I did not ask you to move them, did I?

WAITRESS

Whatever.

RORY

Snappy comeback. Dorothy Parker know about you? Sick of people touching my stuff.

BARTENDER

[Hands Rory the drink] Here you go. [Puts a bowl of nuts on the bar] Eat something.

RORY

You eat something. [pays for the drink]

DOYLE

Well, hello, Rory. Fancy meeting you here.

RORY

Hi, Doyle.

DOYLE

I didn't see you sitting here, or I would've come over sooner. I've been here a while. I've been mixing beer and wine and Malibu rum.

RORY

That sounds bad.

DOYLE

Yep, it is bad. It's been a long, bad night. How about you? How's your night been?

RORY

[Sarcastically] Really excellent.

DOYLE

Okay, well, then, let's drink to really excellent evenings.

RORY

To really excellent evenings.

DOYLE

Paris threw me out.

RORY

What? No. Why?

DOYLE

I told her you were thinking of making her “Campus Safety” piece a series and that I told you not to.

RORY

Why would you do that?

DOYLE

I don't know. It just came out. We were fighting. She was miserable and not sleeping and just sitting at that craft table, hot-gluing bead after bead after bead. And then when I tried to take the glue gun out of her hand, all hell broke loose.

RORY

Oh, boy.

DOYLE

She kicked me out, told me to leave. I came here.

RORY

That sucks.

DOYLE

I drank a lot.

RORY

Love sucks.

DOYLE

Went and bought a car for that woman.

RORY

Me too.

DOYLE

Now I have to move out.

RORY

Me too.

DOYLE

You too, what?

RORY

I have to move out of Logan's apartment.

DOYLE

Why?

RORY

Because Logan had many, many blondes for thanksgiving.

DOYLE

Sounds terrible. Did you love him?

RORY

Yep.

DOYLE

It's terrible when you love 'em.

RORY

I don't know where I'm gonna go.

DOYLE

I'm staying with two guys who have black-light posters on every single wall. It's depressing.

RORY

You guys will get back together. You and Paris are perfect for each other.

DOYLE

I mean, there's socks hanging everywhere. I don't even know if they're clean socks. They're just hanging. I wonder what Paris is doing now.

RORY

I wonder how long till Logan sleeps with somebody else... Bet he already has. [Takes a last drink] Ohh, empty. Sad.

BARTENDER

How we doing?

RORY

Fine. We're fine.

DOYLE

I want to die.

RORY

I want more. You want more?

DOYLE

Uh-huh.

RORY

Oh, rats. I'm out of money. I had to take a cab back from New York, so of course I have no drinking money.

DOYLE

I've got money. It's in something in my pants, somewhere down here in this general area. I'll hold still while you look.

RORY

No, that's okay. I'm gonna go.

DOYLE

Yeah? Okay. I'll go, too. [Gets off the stool too quick.] Oh, bad move. Bad, bad move.

RORY

Come on. I got you.

RORY

Doyle, use your feet.

DOYLE

It's cold. I'm cold.

RORY

You want my coat?

DOYLE

Okay. [Rory taes it off and Doyle puts it on] This is lovely.

RORY

Thank you.

DOYLE

Okay, well, thanks for the company.

RORY

Yeah, you too.

DOYLE

Bye, Rory.

RORY

Bye, Doyle. [They hug and Doyle starts to kiss Rory on the neck] Uh, Doyle? Doyle, what are you doing?

DOYLE

Uh...

RORY

You were kissing my neck.

DOYLE

Oh, god, I was. I was kissing your neck. And I was nuzzling, too.

RORY

There was definitely nuzzling.

DOYLE

I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.

RORY

And you used your tongue.

DOYLE

I just miss her so much.

RORY

Doyle, go home.

DOYLE

I don't have a home.

RORY

Yes, you do. You have a home with black-light posters and dirty socks. I don't have a home.

DOYLE

Oh, right.

RORY

Night, Doyle. [Starts to walk away] Oh, my god, could this day get any worse?

LORELAI

AND LUKE'S HOUSE

LORELAI

[Growns then answers] Yeah?

CHRISTOPHER

Lor?

LORELAI

Ah, well, if it isn't Da Vinci's daddy.

CHRISTOPHER

How's the floor?

LORELAI

Very festive.

CHRISTOPHER

I'm sorry about that. I'll have a floor guy come fix it.

LORELAI

Well, don't worry about it. The house was too perfect. Now it's lived-in.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah, well...

LORELAI

You're awfully quiet. G.G. Got a gun on you or something?

CHRISTOPHER

I'm sorry, Lor.

LORELAI

Oh, Chris.

CHRISTOPHER

I was so far out of line.

LORELAI

Don't worry about it.

CHRISTOPHER

Everything you said, you were... so right.

LORELAI

I hate when that happens.

CHRISTOPHER

G.G. Is completely out of control. I can't say no to her. I'm just -- I'm just so... I don't know. I'm so mad at Sherry for taking off like that. I mean, who leaves a kid?

LORELAI

Well...

CHRISTOPHER

Yes, I know. I left a kid. I tell you, Lor, I don't think I really got how you felt about me until now because I want to kill Sherry.

LORELAI

I never wanted to kill you. I wanted to key your car, which I did once, by the way.

CHRISTOPHER

It's not right that G.G. Doesn't get a mom. It's not right that all she has is me. What a super bargain that is.

LORELAI

Oh, Chris, come on.

CHRISTOPHER

I don't want her to feel like she's missing anything. I want her to be happy.

LORELAI

I know.

CHRISTOPHER

I can't get her into a school. No one will take her. They say she's uncontrollable and aggressive and all sorts of other horrible-sounding terms.

LORELAI

Well, school is overrated. Ask Abraham Lincoln.

CHRISTOPHER

I suck as a dad.

LORELAI

No, you don't. Look, I get the single-parent guilt, but in the end, G.G. Needs you to say no.

CHRISTOPHER

I know. I've ruined her.

LORELAI

You haven't ruined her. It's not too late.

CHRISTOPHER

You sure?

LORELAI

I'm positive. You can turn this around. I know you can. You're a great guy with a great heart. You just need to be a little tougher.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah.

LORELAI

I'll help you in any way I can. I promise. We'll fix this.

CHRISTOPHER

You're amazing, Lor.

LORELAI

Only in the true sense of the word.

CHRISTOPHER

Thanks for being around.

LORELAI

Any time.

CHRISTOPHER

[Glass shatters, G.G. Screams. Sighs ] I got to...

LORELAI

I know. Go. [Ends the phone call]

PARIS

Get the bowls and chopsticks out, guys. Somebody pick a movie already. [The door opens] I thought you were Hing Yee's.

RORY

Sorry.

PARIS

What do you want?

RORY

Can I talk to you for a sec?

PARIS

Fine. [Unchains the door and lets her in.]

RORY

Where is everybody?

PARIS

I ordered food for 10, and I didn't want the delivery guy to look at me like I was a hog. I don't need to display my pathetic ness to the world.

RORY

You're not pathetic, Paris.

PARIS

Doyle and I broke up.

RORY

I know. I sort of ran into Doyle earlier.

PARIS

Oh, yeah?

RORY

Yeah, he looked pretty upset.

PARIS

I don't care.

RORY

Okay.

PARIS

So, is that why you came over here, 'cause you heard that we broke up?

RORY

Well... yes.

PARIS

You're a really good friend.

RORY

Oh, not really.

PARIS

I throw you out, I treat you like dirt, no one else can stand me, but you come over to make sure I'm all right.

RORY

Well, Paris?

PARIS

Yeah?

RORY

In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you, Logan and I broke up, too, today. I'm moving out.

PARIS

How come?

RORY

He cheated on me... with an entire wedding party.

PARIS

Oh... Nice.

RORY

Yeah.

PARIS

Men suck.

RORY

They do suck.

PARIS

Can't count on them. They never have your back.

RORY

No, they don't.

PARIS

They make you love them, and then they let you down, and you're walking around with a stomachache for the next six months.

RORY

Is that how long it lasts?

PARIS

I don't know. I hope it's only six months.

RORY

Yeah, me too.

PARIS

You can stay here, you know, if you want.

RORY

Really?

PARIS

Sure. Take my room if you want. I've been sleeping at my crafts table lately.

RORY

Thanks, Paris.

PARIS

Sure... Hungry? I got food coming.

RORY

Starving.

PARIS

Hey, I just realized, when the food arrives, now I really can ask someone to get the bowls. Silver lining, huh?

RORY

Sure is.

LORELAI

AND LUKE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM

LORELAI

Hello?

RORY

Hey, it's me.

LORELAI

Hey, you! How was the wedding?

RORY

Sucko. I've got a new address for you.

LORELAI

Uh-oh.