T6E15: “A Vineyard Valentine”

LORELAI

Morning, everyone. [The kitchen staff groans] What's wrong? Uh-oh, food funk?

FRED

Major.

LORELAI

Are we talking the "Swiss chard a la polonaise" level funk from last may, the pfannkuchen experiment of aught-five?

FRED

Two thousand one pigeons a La Niçoise.

LORELAI

Pigeons a La Niçoise? Oh, boy. [walking over to Sookie] Sookie?

SOOKIE

You mean, Sucky!

LORELAI

What's up?

SOOKIE

Tell you what's up, you know what this is?

LORELAI

An oyster?

SOOKIE

An oyster, fresh huh?

LORELAI

Looks fresh to me.

SOOKIE

I mean, the idea, nice and fresh.

LORELAI

Sure.

SOOKIE

It isn't!

LORELAI

What isn't

SOOKIE

Fresh.

LORELAI

The oyster?

SOOKIE

You're not listening.

LORELAI

I am too.

SOOKIE

Then what am I saying?

LORELAI

No idea.

SOOKIE

How long have we been married?

LORELAI

Nine years?

SOOKIE

I'm experimenting for the prefix menu for Valentine's Day next week, trying to come up with something new, but there's nothing new under the sun. I mean who else would think to serve oysters on Valentine's Day? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 12,000 other establishments within spitting distance!

LORELAI

Well, lovers love oysters. I don't. I love burritos, people don't want burritos on Valentine's Day.

SOOKIE

How do we know unless we give them the option, huh? That's it! I'll serve burritos!

LORELAI

Sookie, no.

SOOKIE

No one else will have burritos.

LORELAI

Sookie, you can't serve Valentine's Day burritos, that's flirting with disaster. We could be talking the octopus-ice-cream disaster of '98.

SOOKIE

God, you're right. I'll figure it out. I'm just hitting an oyster wall here. Okay, take a break, guys. We'll resume in a bit.

LORELAI

So um, what are you and Jackson doing for Valentine's Day, huh any plans?

SOOKIE

Well, after I finish up here, I'll go home, and Jackson, wonderful man that he is, will have made a lovely meal and opened up a bottle of Syrah and lit a candle. And then he and the kids and I will have a nice, romantic meal together. [Giggles] What about you?

LORELAI

Oh, I'll be here.

SOOKIE

What? No, you'll be with Luke.

LORELAI

Yeah, but we'll probably just hang out. We don't have a reservation anyplace for dinner. I'm sure everything's booked.

SOOKIE

Uh, hello. I'm a chef. I know other chefs. I can get you into places.

LORELAI

Maybe, Luke says Valentine's Day is just another one of those fake things, like mother's day, created by greeting-card companies, and it is.

SOOKIE

Actually, it's not.

LORELAI

Really?

SOOKIE

I'm printing a history Valentine's Day to go on the tables. It goes back like 2,000 years.

LORELAI

Oh, well, then, it must have been a greeting-card company in roman times, you know, the one that came up with gladiator's day. Anyway, no plans yet.

MAN 2

Lorelai, excuse me, there's a Zydeco band here to see you.

LORELAI

A what?

MAN 2

A Zydeco band?

LORELAI

Did I mishear him twice?

SOOKIE

Then I did, too.

LORELAI

Come on. [Sookie Giggles as they walk to the dinning room]

LORELAI

Hi, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. How can I help you guys?

BOOZOO

I'm Boozoo.

LORELAI

Boozoo, that's your name? Boozoo?

BOOZOO

Boozoo Barnes and the Cajun Stompers!

LORELAI

Sorry, I'm like a thousand miles behind here.

BOOZOO

We set this up a while ago,the audition. Boozoo.

LORELAI

Boozoo! You're that Boozoo.

SOOKIE

You know more than one Boozoo?

LORELAI

[To Sookie] I set this up myself. It was for the wedding. [To Boozoo] The audition.

BOOZOO

The audition!

SOOKIE

Oh, the wedding.

BOOZOO

What you want to hear?

LORELAI

Well it's like this Boozoo em, I don't need to hear you play because...

BOOZOO

oh, miss Gilmore, no, it's like this. When a zydeco band is at the instrument, they must play.

LORELAI

But I...

BOOZOO

"zydeco boogaloo," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ]

LORELAI

And they're off.

SOOKIE

Since when are you into Zydeco?

LORELAI

I just thought it might be festive and funny. I was going to audition them and a Dixieland combo and Leled Zepagain.

SOOKIE

Who?

LORELAI

A led zeppelin cover band.

SOOKIE

Oh. That's clever.

LORELAI

It just slipped my mind.

SOOKIE

June 3rd's coming up pretty quick, too, hon.

LORELAI

I know, it is superquick.

BOOZOO

[Music stops] You don't like the song?

LORELAI

No, Boozoo, I love the song.

BOOZOO

Lips say yes, face say no. "Early in the morning," boys. 1, 2, 3, 4. [ Zydeco music plays ]

SOOKIE

Smile, or Boozoo may never go away.

LORELAI

I'm smiling.

SOOKIE

[ Chuckles ]

LORELAI

Yeah.

LOGAN

Hey.

RORY

Hi.

LOGAN

Why are you up?

RORY

It's 11:04, the whole world is up.

LOGAN

Keith Richard isn't up. Pete Doherty isn't up.

RORY

Rory Gilmore is up.

LOGAN

She shouldn't be. You're making me dizzy.

RORY

I forgot my Thucydides.

LOGAN

Don't see how you can function without your Thucydides.

RORY

Hey, I'm trying to squoosh four semesters into three. If I slow down, I'll get whoomped.

LOGAN

How long you been up?

RORY

Five hours, four cups of coffee, two bagels.

LOGAN

No partridge, no pear tree?

RORY

Okay, Thucydides did not just grow legs and walk away.

LOGAN

Come back to bed!

RORY

I can't.

LOGAN

We see each other less since we've been living together.

RORY

I know it seems that way.

LOGAN

It is that way.

RORY

We'll have time.

LOGAN

Not unless we make time, let's go away this weekend.

RORY

This weekend's bad.

LOGAN

Every weekend's bad.

RORY

This one is particularly bad.

LOGAN

They're all bad. Now come on. It's Valentine's Day.

RORY

That's not till next week.

LOGAN

This weekend's Valentine's weekend. Come on let's go somewhere.

RORY

I can't.

LOGAN

Rory...

RORY

No, even if I did get time away, I promised my mom I'd try to hang out with her, even if it was just for dinner. I haven't seen her in ages.

LOGAN

But she doesn't kiss as good as I do.

RORY

You don't know that.

LOGAN

True.

RORY

She's been down lately. I kinda want to cheer her up.

LOGAN

Then invite her along. We can have a kissing contest.

RORY

Bring my mother?

LOGAN

Ah. And tell her to bring that guy she's with. What's his name? Luke?

RORY

Really? You'd be up for that?

LOGAN

Absolutely.

RORY

Well I'd have to drop a lot of things.

LOGAN

That's what things are for to be dropped.

RORY

I'll think about it.

LOGAN

Promise?

RORY

Yes. Now you have to let me go.

LOGAN

That's the worst offer I've gotten all day. [Logan kiss Rory on the cheek] Your Thucydides is on the pool table.

RORY

Thank you!

RORY

I need every proof sheet on my desk by five o'clock and not a second later. Make that very clear to them, okay?

JONI

Okay.

RORY

I know the boys in the lab can be jerks to women, but don't let that stop you, girls power baby, Betty Friedan's dead, and we've all got to fill the vacuum.

JONI

[Determined] You got it.

RORY

Sorry, bill.

BILL

No problem. Got all the time in the world. Let's see. How about "amphetamine use on campus"?

RORY

Maybe, it would be ironic if my supply dried up based on an exposé I approved.

BILL

Are you serious?

RORY

You leave your sense of humor at home?

BILL

There's another protest over the Yale basic-cable-package fee. They're expecting 80 or so to gather.

RORY

Doesn't warrant a story, get a photo and tell them all to go home and read a book.

BILL

And professor Wallace wants a correction to the interview we printed with him. He wants to clarify that he, in fact, referred to his department's problems with the advisory board as an quote "us-and-them thing." End quote.

RORY

What did we print?

BILL

"S-and-m thing."

RORY

[Giggling] Hmm, that's kind of funny.

BILL

Now, the profile on Yale students from New Orleans, how things are back home for them, it'll be done this weekend. I could get a copy to you Sunday morning.

RORY

Great. Uh, I mean, no. Wait till Monday.

BILL

You sure?

RORY

It's Valentine's Day weekend. We should all... take it easy, be with loved ones. You can make plans with that girlfriend of yours.

BILL

She just dumped me.

RORY

Linda dumped you?

BILL

For another guy. It destroyed me. Absolutely destroyed me. That's why I've lost my sense of humor. Nothing's funny anymore. I had forgotten Valentine's Day was coming up. Wow. Oh, god, I hate my life.

RORY

Right. See! This is why I hesitate to ask people about their social lives.

BILL

I never do.

RORY

Good man.

BILL

I'll get on that New Orleans thing.

LORELAI

Dragonfly inn.

RORY

Hi, it's me.

LORELAI

I'm sorry?

RORY

It's me!

LORELAI

Oh, hi, hon!

RORY

What's with the flaming accordion in the background?

LORELAI

Oh, it's my new friend, Boozoo, which is cajun for "won't leave."

RORY

Explain.

LORELAI

It's a zydeco band I'd arranged to audition for the wedding, and once they're holding their instruments, they can't not play and, apparently, they can't stop. Oh, they stopped.

RORY

Good.

LORELAI

I mean they haven't had food or water in two hours. It makes sense that they'd have to...

BOOZOO

[OS] here comes the bride

LORELAI

Torture me.

RORY

Maybe you can get zydeco cops to come and stop them.

LORELAI

I guess this is the last nail in the coffin of June 3rd. The cut-off day to get the deposit back on the hall just passed, too.

RORY

Might be time to face the music, so to speak.

LORELAI

You know anyone in the market for a wedding? It's planned and paid for.

RORY

You'll have your wedding, eventually.

LORELAI

I guess.

RORY

Mom, you'll have your wedding.

LORELAI

I don't know anymore. Luke's been so busy with April lately. I mean it's good and all. It's the right thing to do. She's his daughter. But I just... I'm bummed, kid.

RORY

I know. Hey, what have you got planned for Valentine's Day weekend?

LORELAI

Uh, this weekend? Nothing, surprise, surprise. Luke isn't really a Valentine's Day kind of guy.

RORY

Well how would you like an all-expense-paid trip to Martha's Vineyard?

LORELAI

Martha's vineyard? Really?

RORY

Logan's family has a place up there. It's awesome. And I just cleared my schedule here at the paper, told them, "mama needs some time off."

LORELAI

Good for mama.

RORY

Go with us, you and Luke.

LORELAI

Really? You've run this past Logan?

RORY

It was his idea.

LORELAI

I don't know if Luke would be up for it.

RORY

We'll make him be up for it. I think he'd like it. It's beach, it's nature. I mean it'll be cold, but we can still walk outside. It's beautiful.

LORELAI

I've always wanted to see the vineyard.

RORY

Then force him to come, and if he's a sourpuss while he's there, you'll still have me.

LORELAI

Okay, I'll talk to him.

RORY

I'll e-mail you directions. Come anytime Friday.

LORELAI

You've got room and all? Me and Luke plus five?

RORY

Plus five?

LORELAI

Well, I'm not coming without Boozoo and the boys.

RORY

The more the merrier.

LORELAI

Cool! Bye, hon.

RORY

Bye.

LORELAI

[Hangs up the phone, Boozoo is still singing “here comes the bride” Lorelai stands up and moves towards the dinning room] Boozoo, I'm going to need my dining room back. Boozoo!

LORELAI

Well there is all manner of outdoor activities to do in Martha's Vineyard, canoeing, snorkeling, sailing...

LUKE

That's mostly summer stuff. It's the dead of winter.

LORELAI

Hiking and walking, that's doable.

LUKE

Yeah, I guess. Is this all just for this weekend?

LORELAI

Plus these.

LUKE

Isn't that way too much stuff?

LORELAI

It is the dead of winter. The question is do you have enough?

LUKE

Yeah, I brought enough. [Pointing to Lamp for Lorelai to turn on.] Burglar lamp.

LORELAI

Ooh, and here, of course, is the big-time Martha's Vineyard thing, whaling.

LUKE

They have whaling?

LORELAI

Not anymore. It's just a fun fact. [Continues reading sheet] Martha's vineyard was one of the world's largest whaling ports. Says here people used every part of the whale back then, the most important being spermaceti, used in candle production. Yuck, couldn't think up a less gross substance to use for candles?

LUKE

You know, it's a good thing I don't drive a compact.

LORELAI

Herman Melville once shipped out of Martha's Vineyard. Here's a quote from "Moby Dick." "Oars, oars, grip your oars, and clutch your souls now. My god, pull, men!" Wait a second that isn't the pulling they had to do to get the spermaceti, is it?

LUKE

I don't think so. Let's go. We're already late.

LORELAI

Coming. [As they make their way out side] Now what else, what else "The first people on the island of Martha's Vineyard were Indians of the Wampanoag tribe. This tribe still makes up a large part of the town originally called gay head." Hmm, figures, the Indians survive poverty, disease, then get stuck living in a place called "gay head."

LUKE

I guess.

LORELAI

You think there's any connection between gay head and spermaceti? [Laughs]

LUKE

[Staring to load his truck] I have no idea. Wait, it's an island?

LORELAI

Yeah, apparently.

LUKE

That means there's a ferry.

LORELAI

Oh, there is a ferry to gay head? That is just too easy. Let's see what else is interesting about the island we now know as Martha's Vineyard.

LUKE

You don't have to do this.

LORELAI

Do what?

LUKE

I'm fine with the weekend. You don't have to keep talking the place up.

LORELAI

I just want you to have fun. You know I want you to relax.

LUKE

I'll try, okay? I just have my concerns.

LORELAI

What concerns?

LUKE

What concerns? Lorelai, where do we even stand with this guy?

LORELAI

What guy?

LUKE

Logan. Their relationship changes daily. I mean one day we like him, next day we hate him, next day we like him.

LORELAI

Well, we have a sort of truce.

LUKE

A truce, what does that mean, a truce?

LORELAI

It's a truce, everything's okay. None of us should invade each other or fire guns across our borders or anything. We're in a truce.

LUKE

But what if they break up while we're there?

LORELAI

They're not going to breakup.

LUKE

Our bedroom isn't sharing a wall with theirs, is it?

LORELAI

I have no idea.

LUKE

You don't know the layout of the house?

LORELAI

I thought spermaceti was a pasta until three minutes ago.

LUKE

It's weird staying at people's houses, tiptoeing around, using their sheets, drinking their weird tap water.

LORELAI

We'll stick to small beer. That's what they drank on the whaling boats. If it's good enough for the spermaceti boys... Come on, I don't want this to be work for you.

LUKE

It's not work. Flipping burgers is work. This weekend's going to be fine.

LORELAI

Maybe even fun?

LUKE

Yes, fun. Oh, hey, arr, I left April's bike in the garage.

LORELAI

Oh, why?

LUKE

I was going to fix the wheel, and I forgot it was in the back. Is it okay I parked it there?

LORELAI

Oh, yeah. It should be safe.

LUKE

All right, good. Let's go. We have a ferry to catch. Please, don't add anything to that.

LORELAI

Party pooper... Ooh, there are a bunch of historical lighthouses. We should definitely see them. Huh. I wonder if there's a connection between the shape of lighthouses, ferries, spermaceti, and gay head. [Laughing]

RORY

You made it!

LORELAI

We made it!

RORY

Hi, Luke!

LUKE

Sorry we're late.

RORY

Your not late.

LORELAI

It took longer than we thought, the ferry and all. Did you know Martha's Vineyard is an island?

RORY

Well I've been here before.

LOGAN

Hey, there's our intrepid travelers.

LORELAI

Hi, Logan.

LOGAN

Welcome, and this must be Luke.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I dumped Luke. This is Clem. I picked him up at a truck stop on 95. We were at the register, paying for our blue plates, and our hands reached for the same Dixie Chicks cassette.

LUKE

Luke Danes.

LOGAN

Logan Huntzberger, good to have you, anything else to unload?

LUKE

Uh no, there's a few things, but I've got it.

LOGAN

Great.

RORY

So this is the place.

LORELAI

Aww

RORY

[Walks in with Lorelai] This is the den, and the dining room, which seats 20, the wet bar.

LORELAI

Just keeps getting better.

RORY

And that's the living room, the kitchen's up there, and the ocean's out there, but you can't see it.

LORELAI

Ahh, rip-off.

LOGAN

So you guys hungry?

LUKE

We're fine. We ate on the road.

RORY

Cool. Just a couple peculiarities about the house.

LOGAN

It's a grandma, so it's got its kinks.

RORY

Some of the hardwood floors have buckled, so watch your step.

LOGAN

The French doors are warped from the winter, so you have to give them a yank when you open them.

RORY

And that noise you may hear outside your window in the morning...

LOGAN

That would be stan.

LORELAI

Gardener?

RORY

Raccoon.

LOGAN

He's been living on the property longer than my family has. So we give him free reign.

RORY

And the showers there are three of them. Run any two at the same time, and they turn to ice, so give everybody heads-up before you take a dive.

LORELAI

Oh, good to know.

RORY

Oh in the morning we'll have stuff here to eat, or you can go up the street to Joe's café for breakfast. They open at 8:00.

LOGAN

7:00, actually.

RORY

Right, 7:00. We never go before 8:00. But that's all. Want to see your room?

LUKE

AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM

RORY

Here we are, we call it the king and queen's suite.

LORELAI

Neat. Why?

RORY

Because you're our honored guests, and I just named it that a second ago.

LORELAI

We'll take it.

RORY

So the controller for the heater is by the nightstand. All of the windows open, except for the second one on the left, so don't try to open it because you'll hurt your back. And don't forget about the showers.

LORELAI

Got it.

RORY

I guess we'll see you guys later.

LORELAI

I'd really like to tip you, but I've only got a $20.

RORY

Just add it to the bill, ma'am.

LORELAI

Will do.

LUKE

Thanks.

LOGAN

Good to have you here. [Rory and Logan close the door a they leave]

LORELAI

So, nice digs, huh?

LUKE

Kind of dark to see.

LORELAI

Well, I saw the weather forecast. They're predicting light in the morning.

LUKE

So, how does this work?

LORELAI

How does what work?

LUKE

Are we supposed to stay in this room tonight?

LORELAI

Um, what's wrong with the room?

LUKE

Nothing, it's just that it's only 9:30.

LORELAI

It's that early?

LUKE

What do you think they're gonna to do out there?

LORELAI

I don't know you think there going to do something?

LUKE

She's your daughter and your daughter's snotty boyfriend.

LORELAI

Snotty? I thought he was very nice.

LUKE

You call that nice? How he embarrassed Rory?

LORELAI

How did he embarrass her?

LUKE

Correcting her like that with the whole "it's open at 7:00" thing? She was humiliated.

LORELAI

She wasn't humiliated.

LUKE

Well, we just need them to hold on for three days.

LORELAI

Hold on how?

LUKE

Hold on and not break up.

LORELAI

They're not going to break up in the next three days.

LUKE

Lot a tension here.

LORELAI

Okay are we in the room for the night or you want to venture out?

LUKE

I don't know.

LORELAI

Okay well I'll go see what's what, get the lay of the land here.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

Okay.

LORELAI

Psst!

RORY

Hey, you.

LORELAI

[whispering] Are we supposed to stay in our rooms?

RORY

[also whispering] What? No. Why?

LORELAI

Just checking.

RORY

You can stay in there or come out here.

LORELAI

Okay, cool.

RORY

Then why are you whispering?

LORELAI

I don't know. We're in somebody else's house.

RORY

I know, it's a little weird, being a foursome.

LORELAI

A little. We'll adjust.

RORY

Yeah, we'll adjust... So, in or out?

LORELAI

I think we'll stay in.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

All right.

RORY

Good night.

LORELAI

Night. [Giggles as she gets up to leave, Rory goes back to her book]

LORELAI

We've got ourselves a beautiful day.

LUKE

Mm-hm.

LORELAI

The ocean is so blue. I love the beach in the winter. The summer's too hot, too congested, you know?

LUKE

Yep, congested.

LORELAI

What are you doing?

LUKE

Nothing.

LORELAI

Are you eating?

LUKE

Just a Powerbar.

LORELAI

Powerbar?

LUKE

You want one?

LORELAI

No. Luke, why are you eating?

LUKE

Well, I wasn't sure what the deal was.

LORELAI

The deal as to what?

LUKE

I didn't know whether they served food or not

LORELAI

What else do you have in here?

LUKE

Just stuff.

LORELAI

First-aid kit?

LUKE

In case we got hurt.

LORELAI

Baggie full of batteries for...

LUKE

The flashlight, illuminates up to 50 yards.

LORELAI

Bug spray, radio, granola bars... freeze-dried spaghetti?

LUKE

Just add hot water, eat it out of the bag.

LORELAI

Am I going to find hot water in there?

LUKE

[Pulls some water from the bag] You got to heat it up on the stove.

LORELAI

Oh... my god.

LUKE

It's a bowie knife to cut fish, cut tree limbs...

LORELAI

Amputate a leg?

LUKE

Not a leg. It could do a foot.

LORELAI

Luke, this is your backcountry bag. Why did you bring your backcountry bag?

LUKE

I didn't know what this weekend was.

LORELAI

You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other?

LUKE

I wanted to be prepared.

LORELAI

I thought this bag was full of clothes.

LUKE

My other bag's full of clothes.

LORELAI

You're going to freeze.

LUKE

It's plenty for me. I'm warm-blooded...

LORELAI

I know, I know you're warm-blooded. Check it and see. All right let's see what else they have to eat out there, okay? The freeze-dried spaghetti's not going to do it for me.

LUKE

I didn't mean to bring the spaghetti.

LORELAI

Come on and leave the knife.

LUKE

Okay. [Puts the knife back in the bag]

LORELAI

Morning.

LOGAN

Good morning.

RORY

Hi, we've got coffee and pastries over there.

LOGAN

The best pastries on the island.

RORY

Yeah, you goto get them early or they run out.

LOGAN

Even the prune is good.

RORY

She will not like the prune.

LOGAN

She'll like this prune.

LORELAI

They look great.

RORY

Where's Luke?

LOGAN

He is waiting for my signal.

RORY

Your signal?

LUKE

To come out. He wants a signal it's okay.

LOGAN

Got a flare gun in the garage.

RORY

Luke, it's okay! Come out.

LUKE

Morning.

LOGAN

Hi Luke.

RORY

Luke, you know, you don't have to hide.

LUKE

[To Rory] I wasn't hiding. [To Lorelai] Did you say I was hiding?

LORELAI

I did not say that.

LOGAN

Help yourself to whatever.

RORY

You've got to read faster.

LOGAN

I read at my own pace, regardless of peer pressure.

RORY

But my article is continued in the section you've been reading since before john wrote his gospel.

LOGAN

I keep telling her we need to buy two papers.

RORY

That's wasteful we don't need two papers.

LOGAN

We need it for the health of the relationship. [Rory snatches the paper from Logan] There's your proof... We got eggs and stuff, too, Luke.

LORELAI

You still hungry?

RORY

Still? You guys eat?

LUKE

No, we just ate a big dinner last night.

LORELAI

Right... Hey, why don't we take a little walk first, huh? The beach is deserted. We'll have the whole thing to ourselves.

LUKE

Okay.

LOGAN

You might want a coat.

LUKE

I'm fine.

LOGAN

Cool.

LORELAI

We won't be long.

RORY

[Logan snatches the paper back] Drat.

LOGAN

U snooze, you lose.

LORELAI

Smell that air, sea.

LUKE

Yeah, there's sewage somewhere, too.

LORELAI

I'm loving this. It's been forever since I've been to the beach. Can you imagine living here?

LUKE

Wonder what real-estate prices are like.

LORELAI

Probably pretty high.

LUKE

Bet you the average joe can't afford it, that's for sure. Meaning if you work here, you can't live here, so you have to commute hours every day.

LORELAI

Pretty place to work, though.

LUKE

Waves keep you up last night?

LORELAI

No, I knew you were awake, though.

LUKE

Sorry, it's just it's so loud...

LORELAI

Yeah.

LUKE

And just when I got back to sleep, Dan shows up.

LORELAI

Who?

LUKE

The raccoon.

LORELAI

Oh, Stan.

LUKE

Yeah right. He decided to play a “Sousa March” with the trash-can lids. That's what a bowie knife's for.

RORY

[OS] Hey!

RORY

Nice out here, huh?

LORELAI

Beautiful.

RORY

You look like you're freezing.

LUKE

I'm fine.

RORY

I forgot to give you these. [Tosses Lorelai some keys]

LORELAI

Oh, we finally earned your trust, huh?

RORY

We decided we'd risk it. We're heading out, we'll be back in a couple hours.

LORELAI

Where are you going?

RORY

The gym.

LORELAI

I'm sorry. Ocean's awfully loud down here. Where did you say you were going?

RORY

The gym.

LORELAI

Sorry, the ocean is so loud...

RORY

Stop it. We like to hit the gym when we're here.

LORELAI

I cannot picture this.

RORY

Well stop mocking, because it's a good thing.

LORELAI

I want to go just to see you at a gym. [Turning to Luke] You want to go?

LUKE

Sure, I'll go.

RORY

Cool, let's go.

LORELAI

Great, let's all go to the gym. That will never stop being funny.

RORY

Hit me again, there, friend.

LORELAI

Ah I needed that, especially after that jog we took.

RORY

From the dressing room?

LORELAI

Yeah, it was at least 20 yards.

RORY

Hmm.

LORELAI

Plus the three steps we walked up to get in the building.

RORY

That was some gnarly cardio.

LORELAI

What is it about cucumber water that makes it so much more refreshing than non-cucumber water?

RORY

I think it's the cucumbers.

LORELAI

Ha. So, shall we resume our workout?

RORY

Let's do it.

LORELAI

You know, this is a nice facility.

RORY

I know, I like that you can get day passes. You don't have to pay for a whole...

WORKOUT GUY

ahh!

LORELAI

That was loud.

RORY

I think a little warning was order.

LORELAI

No one remembers gym etiquette. Hey, any idea what part of the body this exercises?

RORY

I don't know. Do you lift it or pull it?

LORELAI

Or push it or climb it? So, the walk from the cucumber water to here, that was, what, another 20 calories?

RORY

Let's call it 40... Hey, is Luke okay? He seems a little distracted.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's just not much of a traveler, so it's all kind of foreign to him.

RORY

Coz I want him to have a good time.

LORELAI

He will. [Lorelai notices the workout guy from earlier] Yeah?

WORKOUT GUY

Okay if I work in?

LORELAI

Okay work in what? Oh, you want to work in. Yeah, I guess I'm done. Boy, I'm going to be sore in the morning.

RORY

Yeah, good reps there, mom.

LORELAI

Thanks.

LORELAI AND RORY

[Watching the guy] Oh.

LORELAI

You push with your arms.

RORY

I was going to say that.

LORELAI

Hum.

RORY

More cucumber water?

LORELAI

I'm always up for more cucumber water. [More loud noises, the girls both jump] Ah! God, I'll never get used to that.

LOGAN

It's probably your shoes.

LUKE

Shoes are fine.

LOGAN

Yeah but they're a size too small and they're low-tops.

LUKE

I bought what they had. The shoes are fine.

LOGAN

It's a drag you didn't bring your own gear.

LUKE

Yeah drag, let's get going here, all right? I'm playing all out, so you play all out.

LOGAN

You're overestimating my skills if you think I not playing all out. So it's what, 5-1?

LUKE

6, you got 6, 6-1.

LOGAN

Right, 6-1. [Logan scores another point] Sorry.

LUKE

Don't apologize.

LOGAN

That was a foul, too. I charged.

LUKE

You barely touched me.

LOGAN

I traveled.

LUKE

No, you didn't foul me, and you didn't travel. Okay.

LOGAN

Did you try loosening the laces?

LUKE

Just check the ball. 6-1?

LOGAN

7, actually.

LUKE

Right, right. 7.

LOGAN

Sorry.

LUKE

Don't apologize.

LOGAN

Hey, guys. What's going on?

LORELAI

Oh, wow. I was, like, in a Zen trance. I was totally somewhere else.

RORY

Me too. I was in Greece. Where were you?

LORELAI

Bergdorf Goodman.

RORY

When you reach a Zen trance, you go to Bergdorf Goodman?

LORELAI

To each his own. Thanks, Ron, Jerry.

RORY

Yeah, thanks, guys.

LOGAN

I didn't know the gym had masseurs.

RORY

They don't.

LORELAI

No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service, but they missed their calling.

LUKE

You got laundry guys to give you a massage?

RORY

Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore. So, you guys have fun throwing the old hoop around?

LOGAN

Or something to that effect.

LORELAI

Look at you, you look like a billboard for the Martha's Vineyard chamber of commerce.

LUKE

It's all they had.

RORY

So, who won the game?

LUKE

These shoes stink.

LORELAI

So you beat the shoes.

LOGAN

Nobody won. We just had fun. Do you girls need to clean up at all?

LORELAI

From... ?

LOGAN

Right, well, I guess we'll see you out here.

LUKE

We'll be about 10 minutes.

RORY

Okay, see you in 10. So what do we do?

LORELAI

Ron, Jerry, you got 10 minutes? [Giggling, they sit back down] I love working out.

LUKE

AND LORELAI'S BEDROOM

LUKE

So what is this like, a fancy meal?

LORELAI

Ha, I don't think it's fancy. It's just a meal, they wanted to make us a meal.

LUKE

But is it lunch or dinner? I mean it's at a weird time.

LORELAI

Well I just think they just want us to eat in the daylight, you know, so we could enjoy the view.

LUKE

It's getting kind of foggy out.

LORELAI

It's still nice.

LUKE

I had no idea it would be this cold.

LORELAI

I told you like a million times.

LUKE

But not this cold, and it doesn't help that the heat in this place doesn't work very well.

LORELAI

Your full line of vineyard swag should keep you toasty.

LUKE

This stuff is cheap as hell. The sweatpants I bought in the gym ripped already. Logan...

LORELAI

Logan? What about him?

LUKE

Well he's the reason they ripped, the way he was playing out there.

LORELAI

How was he playing?

LUKE

I don't know. Annoying.

LORELAI

What was he doing, specifically, to annoy you?

LUKE

What wasn't he doing? He was mocking me, traveling, fouling me without calling it, cheating on the score.

LORELAI

And that spontaneously caused your pants to rip?

LUKE

You know what I mean.

LORELAI

He seemed nice when you guys came back from the court. He said you were just playing for fun.

LUKE

It wasn't fun, believe me.

LORELAI

[Getting annoyed] Maybe you shouldn't have come with us to the gym. Nobody forced you to go.

LUKE

[Caught off guard] I know.

LORELAI

It's Valentine's weekend, you know? How about we stop talking about the gym and the stupid basketball game?

LUKE

Sure, okay, fine.

LORELAI

Look, they're probably waiting for us. I'll just see you out there.

LUKE

You got it.

LORELAI

I'm sorry, but this picture just does not compute.

RORY

Stop.

LORELAI

You're wielding a knife. That's verboten in Gilmore world.

RORY

You forget that I'm a rebel.

LORELAI

And you're wearing an apron.

RORY

It's so my clothes don't get wrecked.

LORELAI

You've not worn an apron since you saw "the sound of music" and you put one on so you'd look like sister Maria, and you made a big crucifix out of Popsicle sticks.

LORELAI

Wow.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You just went to that drawer and got that thingamabob out of there like that's what you intended all along.

RORY

It was.

LORELAI

You know where things are.

RORY

I've cooked here before.

LORELAI

I may need to be resuscitated.

RORY

Okay do you want to help or keep on the riff?

LORELAI

I wanna Help.

RORY

Logan is taking care of the lobsters for us outside, and I am making a salad, mashed potatoes, and Bruschetta.

LORELAI

[Picking something up] Hmm. What's this?

RORY

It's a Garlic press.

LORELAI

[Picks up a large knife] This would do a foot.

RORY

Step away from the knife.

LORELAI

[Picks up something else] What's this?

RORY

That's a lemon Zester.

LORELAI

Let me zest a lemon.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

I get to do something.

RORY

Well, you can't just grab things. [Luke walks in] Hi, Luke.

LUKE

Hey.

RORY

Wash your hands, and I will give you a task.

LORELAI

Exultant.

LUKE

Food looks good.

LORELAI

Rory's going to let me chop something.

LUKE

Is that wise?

RORY

I did not say chop.

LORELAI

All right I'm ready.

RORY

Okay. [Handing Lorelai a small knife] Chop the celery.

LORELAI

Yay! [Sees the knife] Oh, that's a dinner knife.

RORY

[Handing her the big knife] Well, be very careful, please.

LORELAI

I am Mario Batali and Ina Garten's love child.

RORY

[Too Luke] Logan's outside dealing with the lobsters, if you want to join him, [Too Lorelai] he was very nice, by the way. He kept them well hidden from me when they were, let's say, not dead.

LORELAI

Not dead? I don't like behind-the-scenes foodstuff.

LUKE

I'll see what's going on out there.

RORY

What did you mean, "it would do a foot"?

LOGAN

Hey, they kick you out of the house?

LUKE

Kind of.

LOGAN

You like lobster?

LUKE

I never had lobster.

LOGAN

I think you'll like it if I don't screw it up. Making lobster is time-honored Huntzberger family tradition. It's in our blood.

LUKE

Great.

LOGAN

So FYI, I'm probably going to do the present thing at dinner.

LUKE

[Slowly] The present thing.

LOGAN

Just to give you a heads-up. Don't want to complicate your life.

LUKE

You got Rory a present.

LOGAN

For Valentine's Day. Forget?

LUKE

No.

LOGAN

Okay

LUKE

I just didn't get her anything.

LOGAN

Ah

LUKE

I mean, Valentine's Day isn't technically till Tuesday.

LOGAN

Sure

LUKE

I have a couple of extra days.

LOGAN

Right.

LUKE

Is there anything open nearby?

LOGAN

Only if you want a windbreaker or some boating equipment.

LUKE

Oh.

LOGAN

Look, I went a little nuts and got two things for Rory. Let me give you one to give to Lorelai.

LUKE

No, no, no, no.

LOGAN

Yes, I got a necklace and a tennis bracelet. She doesn't need both. Take one, whichever one.

LUKE

I can't do that.

LOGAN

Dude it's Valentine's Day. You've got to give your girl a gift.

LUKE

Well... maybe I will take one.

LOGAN

Which one?

LUKE

How about the necklace?

LOGAN

Perfect.

LUKE

Mainly because I have no idea what a tennis bracelet is.

LOGAN

Let me finish up getting these things on. I'll take you in and show it to you. I left them in the car so Rory would not find them.

LUKE

You really don't have to do this.

LOGAN

I'm happy to. We men got to stick together.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

This is fun.

RORY

You have got to stop doing that.

LORELAI

I love the squishy feeling.

RORY

You're going to over mash them.

LORELAI

Is there such a thing as over mashing potatoes?

RORY

Yes, it's called potato soup.

LORELAI

You know, you can put on the apron and shout out things like "dice the carrots," but implying that you can over mash potatoes proves you're a phony.

RORY

You're the one who thought the potato masher was a waffle shaper before I corrected you.

LORELAI

Ha... Ow, I think I'm giving myself mashed-potato elbow. Would you like more chef's juice?

RORY

More wine would be great. So have I told you what we're thinking for the end of the school year?

LORELAI

What who was thinking?

RORY

Logan and I. Get this, Asia.

LORELAI

Asia, wow.

RORY

Well, some of Asia, China, Thailand, Vietnam. We're thinking six weeks.

LORELAI

Sounds exciting, hon.

RORY

We haven't finalized anything yet, but I bought the books, I'm doing the research.

LORELAI

It's official. You've become too fabulous to hang out with me.

LOGAN

How's it going in here?

RORY

It's good, I hope you like re-mashed potatoes.

LORELAI

You can eat them with a straw.

RORY

Where are you two headed?

LOGAN

I need the other tongs, they're buried in the garage and Luke was going to help me find them.

LUKE

Right, we'll be right back.

LOGAN

The clawed things out there, they went peacefully. [They kiss and Lorelai looks awkwardly away]

RORY

Thank you. [Logan and Luke leave] It's weird, you know?

LORELAI

What's weird?

RORY

I don't know, it just hit me. These could be the ones.

LORELAI

The ones?

RORY

The ones, you know?

LORELAI

[Thinking] Yeah. Yeah.

RORY

Luke, weren't you a lobster neophyte? Looks like you liked it.

LUKE

It's good. I can't believe I've never had it before. You cooked them perfect.

LORELAI

Here, here. [Luke, Lorelai and Rory start clapping]

LOGAN

Thanks very much. You're too kind.

LORELAI

Not that I'm hunting for my own compliment, but that celery I cut, huh?

RORY

Let's hear it for the celery chopper.

LORELAI

Oh, this is so spontaneous and unexpected. Not quite loud enough. Thank you, thank you.

RORY

So, should we clear?

LOGAN

Hey it's so pretty out here, sun will be down soon, so before it gets dark, happy Valentine's Day.

RORY

Oh My God, you humanely killed lobsters and you got me a present? [Lorelai looking a little sad, then smiles]

LOGAN

I'm a multitasker.

RORY

Mmm... Hah, It's a bracelet.

LUKE

It's a tennis bracelet.

LORELAI

You know what a tennis bracelet is?

LUKE

Well, my sister makes jewelry, so I've picked up some terms.

RORY

Wow, I love it. Happy Valentine's Day.

LOGAN

Back at you, ace. [They kiss]

LUKE

Well, I guess it's my turn. [Lorelai looking surprised] Happy Valentine's Day.

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

Really.

LORELAI

[Gasps] Oh, my god. Luke, it's beautiful.

LUKE

Good, good. It's gonna to look great on you.

LORELAI

Look at this.

RORY

It's you. And it goes well with mine.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, they're almost matching.

LOGAN

Luke and I actually sneaked out when you two were playing around in the kitchen. We found those in the same place.

LUKE

Yep. Same shop.

LORELAI

I can't believe you got me a Valentine's Day gift.

RORY

Is it getting kind of cold?

LOGAN

Yeah, let's go in, we'll clear all this later. Let's just build a fire and get warm.

RORY

Excellent.

LUKE

You like it?

LORELAI

I love it.

LUKE

Good.

LUKE

AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM

LUKE

[OS] I really cannot believe I've never had lobster before. It's my favorite thing out of the sea now. Kicks tuna's ass, kicks salmon's ass.

LORELAI

Yeah, it's good stuff.

LUKE

[OS] Logan did a good job with it, too. We've got to find a good lobster place near stars hollow. [Comes out off the bathroom] Probably have to go to Litchfield. I'm not even going to attempt the lobster-house pancake world. Do you know a good lobster place? [Sees Lorelai with the necklace] What's wrong? I thought you liked it.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I do. It's beautiful.

LUKE

So what is it?

LORELAI

I don't know... Lately, I've been feeling like it's just not going to happen.

LUKE

That what's not going to happen?

LORELAI

Our wedding.

LUKE

No, Lorelai, that's crazy. Of course it's going to happen.

LORELAI

But do you really want it to?

LUKE

Yes. We're engaged. That hasn't changed. The wedding's just been postponed. That's all.

LORELAI

It's not feeling like it's postponed.

LUKE

What happened? I thought this would make you happy. It's making you sad.

LORELAI

No, it's not, it's just... I had to cancel a lot of stuff this week, a lot of June 3rd stuff.

LUKE

June 3rd? But I...

LORELAI

Well, I was holding out hope that maybe, if things calmed down with you a little bit, it would still happen. It was just stupid.

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

I lost all our deposits.

LUKE

That doesn't matter. We'll just put down new deposits.

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

We're getting married.

LORELAI

I really want to believe that.

LUKE

Look, I know I've been preoccupied. I don't like that about myself. It's just who I am. I get in my own head, and I forget about the people around me.

LORELAI

I know, that's why I thought this trip would be good for you, get you thinking about something else, but it's been cold here and Logan's been bugging you and the raccoon is noisy and the waves were keeping you up. The trip was a dumb idea.

LUKE

Lorelai, no. It was a good idea. [short pause] Hey...

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

You know I love you, right?

LORELAI

I really need to hear that once in a while.

LUKE

I love you, and I'm going to marry you, and at our wedding, we are having lobster.

LORELAI

Okay. [They kiss. Lorelai looks at the necklace] I really love this necklace.

LUKE

AND LORELAI'S BED ROOM – NEXT MORNING

LUKE

[Kisses Lorelai's shoulder] Morning. [Rubs her arm]

LORELAI

Good morning. How'd you sleep?

LUKE

I slept great, better than I have in months. How about you?

LORELAI

Wonderfully, actually. It's so quiet out there.

LUKE

Just the waves.

LORELAI

They didn't keep you up?

LUKE

No, I slept like a rock.

LORELAI

I wonder if Rory and Logan hit the gym again. I'm going to go check. [Starts putting on a robe]

LUKE

I wouldn't put it past them.

LORELAI

Or maybe they went hang gliding, went to climb a mountain, pearl diving, or skeet shooting. [Opens the door, Gasps] Wow!

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Breakfast Santa's been here.

LUKE

Breakfast Santa? [Lorelai carries in the tray] Wow.

LORELAI

The kids must have left it for us.

LUKE

Well, I don't think there's really a breakfast Santa.

LORELAI

So, how do we do this?

LUKE

Legs.

LORELAI

Service here is so excellent.

LUKE

That must have been Harvey's beach. Last time I was at the beach, I was like 18.

LORELAI

I was there, when I was a kid, I used to go with my friend Trish and her family. It had that snack stand where the cute boy worked. Remember? He looked like Emilio Estevez.

LUKE

Well, I remember the snack stand, not Emilio.

LORELAI

We used to do cartwheels to get his attention.

LUKE

I remember my sister picking up someone's cigarette butt behind that stand and smoking it.

LORELAI

Ew!..

LUKE

We could have been there at the same time on the same day. Isn't that weird?

LORELAI

Nah, we never were.

LUKE

How do you know?

LORELAI

You would have distracted me from the snack-stand guy. And no guy ever did.

LUKE

What about eloping?

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Eloping, we can do that, right? Instead of planning this whole big thing?

LORELAI

I don't know. Maybe. I guess we could. But Rory has to come. Is it still eloping if Rory comes?

LUKE

Sure, why not? Let's start planning it.

LORELAI

You don't plan an elopement. You just do it.

LUKE

Oh, right. That makes sense. We could even come back do it here when the weather's better. We could rent a place for a couple weeks in the summer.

LORELAI

That sounds nice.

LORELAI

Whoa, loud.

LUKE

Must be Rory and Logan.

LORELAI

In some kind of hurry.

LUKE

Hm.

LORELAI

You guys, we're up here! In the interest of full disclosure, we're fairly casual.

MITCHUM

[Mitchum comes into the room] Who are you?

LUKE

Who are you?

MITCHUM

Mitchum Huntzberger. Who are you?

LORELAI

Um, I'm Lorelai. I'm Rory's mother.

MITCHUM

I'm looking for my son.

LOGAN

Dad! [Mitchum leaves the room]

MITCHUM

Where the hell have you been?

LOGAN

What are you doing here?

MITCHUM

You turn off your cell, your pager. I told you never turn off your pager.

LOGAN

I got your pages.

MITCHUM

So you're ignoring them? That's great.

LOGAN

We're going to have it out in public?

MITCHUM

We're not in public, Logan. We're in my house. Yeah, we're going to have it out here.

LOGAN

You didn't need me this weekend.

MITCHUM

You don't get to decide whether you're needed or not. I decide that do you hear me?

LOGAN

They heard you in Nantucket.

MITCHUM

You were not to be here. You were supposed to be on a red-eye to London last night. I was in a room full of colleagues!

LOGAN

How many time do I have to go to London, I've met all of them. I've met them all for God's sake!

MITCHUM

Some of them actually come from other bureaus to meet you, and you blow it off to be with your little girlfriend! You embarrassed me!

LOGAN

You want to talk time about embarrassment?

MITCHUM

You embarrassed me, you embarrassed yourself! You listen to me. You're getting on a plane to London. You're getting on a plane to London today.

LOGAN

Dad!

MITCHUM

And you're going to explain to my colleagues why you wasted their Saturday and robbed them of their Sunday. And let me tell you this you better start acclimating yourself, because you're in London for at least a year starting the day after you graduate, as we discussed.

LOGAN

You discussed it.

MITCHUM

You're doing this, Logan, and I'm driving you to the airport myself right now. Get packed. You've got 10 minutes.

LOGAN

I have guests.

MITCHUM

Your guests can stay. [Mitchum walks out] You're leaving!

LOGAN

[Looks at Rory] Excuse me.

LORELAI

I guess we can just pick something up on the way.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Hey. Still here?

LOGAN

Yeah, just waiting for Rory to get her things.

LUKE

You ah, you need any help there?

LOGAN

No, thanks, Luke.

LUKE

No problem. I just have to get that last bag.

LORELAI

Hmm.

LOGAN

I'm really, really sorry about this.

LORELAI

Oh, hey, it's okay. It was fun while it lasted. [pause] No one understands letting family down better than I do.

RORY

Hi.

LORELAI

Hi.

RORY

Walk you out?

RORY

Intimidating... So, a full year in London.

LOGAN

Yeah.

RORY

So, when do you move, exactly? The Asia thing... I guess that's on the back burner?

LOGAN

[SIS ]

RORY

Do you have to leave the very day after you graduate or is there a cushion or...

LOGAN

Stop. It's not happening. Okay? Not yet. It's February. We don't have to think about this right now. Right now, it doesn't even exist, okay? I'm not going to think about it. Let's not think about it.

RORY

Okay.

LOGAN

Take the Porsche home and keep planning Asia.

RORY

I've got all my books with me.

LOGAN

Good. [Walks to the car, gets in and leaves.]

LORELAI

So that's Mitchum, huh? It's just like I imagined him.

LUKE

Hey, Caesar.

CAESER

Luke, you're back early. How was it?

LUKE

Great.

LORELAI

Ended dramatically, but, yeah.

CAESER

Well, welcome back. There was something I was supposed to tell you.

LUKE

Was it important?

CAESER

Must not have been.

LUKE

Well, I'll take care of out here. Why don't you close out the back?

CAESER

Sure. Coffee's fresh. Maybe that was it.

LUKE

Was that it?

CAESER

No. [Returns to kitchen]

LORELAI

Well, I'd love some coffee.

LUKE

Coming up. Okay. What am I going to do with all that stuff?

LORELAI

Keep it. It looked good on you, especially the sweatpants. You got nice mass ass.

LUKE

A what?

LORELAI

Massachusetts ass.

LUKE

Well, maybe I'll keep those then.

CAESER

I remember. Your daughter. I'm an idiot.

CAESER

That's what I had to tell you, April kept calling to confirm the time she's coming over tomorrow. [Lorelai looks sad]

LUKE

Oh she did.

CAESER

Three o'clock, she kept calling to remind me like I wouldn't remember to tell you, which I almost didn't. She's pretty smart.

LUKE

Yeah, thanks, Caesar. [pause, lost for words] Uh... so, three o'clock tomorrow. I guess her mother will pick her up around seven, so...

LORELAI

Right. So, I'll pop up sometime after that.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

Oh, and her bike, it's at my place.

LUKE

Right, right, I guess I'll... pick it up tomorrow before three.

LORELAI

Sure, anytime. You know, um, I'm just kind of tired. I don't need to wire myself up again. I think I'm just going to go home.

LUKE

Oh, okay. I'll just tell Caesar I'm taking you.

LORELAI

No, that's okay. That's okay. I think I'm going to walk.

LUKE

You sure?

LORELAI

Yeah, yeah, stay here. I'll get my bags tomorrow or you can bring them when you come get April's bike.

LUKE

Sure, whatever you want. It's cold out there, you know?

LORELAI

I know. Cold can be nice sometimes.

LUKE

All right.

LORELAI

See you tomorrow. [They kiss]

LUKE

Okay.

ANSWERING MACHINE

Lorelai, it's your aunt Alice. Jim and I saw the beautiful picture of you in the paper announcing your engagement. [Looks through the paper] How wonderful, and what a wonderful picture. I told Emily that you looked so young. We marked our calendar for June 3rd, [Gasps] and we look forward to it. And we're really looking forward to meeting this man of yours, as well. A restaurateur it says. Say hello to Rory for us, and we'll see you soon. Bye.

THIRD MESSAGE

Hello, Lorelai, this is uncle James. Emily called to tell us to save the date, June 3rd. We saw the picture of you in the paper. It's very nice. [fade out]