T3E17: “A Tale of Poes and Fire”

LORELAI

Okay, let's see. Looks like Harvard definitely has the smallest class sizes.

RORY

Okay, we've got our first entry here. It's a pro for Harvard.

LORELAI

Oh, whoa, whoa, those are not the final official pro/con lists.

RORY

Why? What's wrong with them?

LORELAI

Well, the lines are crooked, the printing's all sloppy. Harvard, Princeton and Yale cannot see them looking like that.

RORY

They're not going to see our pro/con lists.

LORELAI

What if they subpoena them?

RORY

Then I'll roll 'em up in a ball and eat 'em.

LORELAI

Oh, a big pro for Yale – they have 1100 members of the maintenance staff. Clean, clean, clean.

RORY

All three of these places probably have the same number.

LORELAI

But Yale must be crowing about it for some reason. Princeton might only have two.

RORY

Two?

LORELAI

Yeah.

RORY

You think there're a total of two guys cleaning all of Princeton?

LORELAI

Write "Princeton's stinking filthy" in big letters.

RORY

Yeah, I'm pretending to write it as we speak.

KIRK

Good morning, ladies. May I interest you in a shirt?

LORELAI

Oh, Kirk. You're not selling your laundry again, are ya?

KIRK

No, these are part of my latest money-making endeavor. I'm going to print daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something I witness around town.

RORY

Neat.

KIRK

I got the idea when I read about something a man was doing in Portland.

LORELAI

What was he doing?

KIRK

He was printing daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something he witnessed around town.

RORY

Is that today's?

KIRK

Sure is. [he holds up a shirt]

RORY

[reads] "Babette ate oatmeal." Huh.

LORELAI

Yeah.

KIRK

I'm keeping it real.

RORY

It's good.

LORELAI

It paints a picture.

RORY

I can just see her... eating oatmeal.

KIRK

They're $14.95. How many can I put you down for?

LUKE

No solicitors, Kirk.

KIRK

How about if I cut you in for a piece of the action?

LUKE

How about I toss the shirts out the door first so you can have something to land on?

KIRK

Got it. [walks away]

LUKE

What's with the lists?

LORELAI

You ready? My Rory, our Rory, Stars Hollow's Rory... got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.

LUKE

Wow, wow, wow, I can't believe it. I – I feel like I...

RORY

Yeah.

RORY

Oh.

LORELAI

Oh.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

Wow.

LUKE

Oh, I'm not good at hugging.

RORY

Oh, I thought it worked.

LUKE

Thanks. Man, this is big, right?

RORY

Very big.

LUKE

But what's with all the pro/con lists?

LORELAI

That's how we make our important decisions, you know that.

LUKE

But you know what it's gonna be, Harvard.

RORY

Probably.

LORELAI

But not necessarily.

LUKE

But Harvard's all you've talked about for years.

LORELAI

Well, who knew she'd be wanted by everyone?

LUKE

Hey, which school best teaches how to make an important life decision without doing a stupid pro/con list? Whichever one it is, add it to the pro column.

LORELAI

Do not mock the sciencificity of our selection process.

RORY

I've gotta head to school.

LORELAI

Hey, why go anymore? You're in college. Let's go truffle hunting or something.

RORY

Maybe after I graduate.

LORELAI

All right, but if all the good truffles are gone, don't say I didn't warn you.

RORY

Bye. [leaves]

LUKE

I can't believe how great that is, all three.

LORELAI

Well, they have good taste.

LUKE

Well... you know, uh, Jess also... well, it's so tiny compared to this, it's gonna sound dumb.

LORELAI

What? Tell me.

LUKE

Well, you know how Jess works at Wal-Mart.

LORELAI

Yes, I do.

LUKE

Well, it seems he was actually chosen Employee of the Month.

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

I knew it would sound tiny.

LORELAI

No, Luke, that's not tiny. That's really good.

LUKE

Yeah. I mean, there's probably hundreds of people working at that branch, and they singled him out.

LORELAI

Yeah, it shows he can work hard and get along with people and all that. You should be proud. Did you tell him you're proud?

LUKE

Well, he didn't even tell me about it. I got a letter addressed to the family of Jess Mariano inviting me down to some little ceremony they're having.

LORELAI

Are you going?

LUKE

Oh, he'd hate it if I was there. You know, seeing him participating in some corporate ceremony like that, being called upstanding and responsible, it would kill him. Yeah, I'm going.

LORELAI

Good boy.

LORELAI

Hey Sookie, Sookie... where's Sookie?

SOOKIE

Down here.

LORELAI

Down where? Marco?

SOOKIE

Polo.

LORELAI

Why are you down there?

SOOKIE

Papaya won't eat, so I'm pretending to eat out of her bowl so she'll copy me.

LORELAI

Sookie, you named the cat?

SOOKIE

She looks like a Papaya, doesn't she?

LORELAI

But it's a stray. You'll get close to it and it'll wander off and you'll be sad.

SOOKIE

I'm keeping my distance. Come on, Papaya. Lap, lap, lap.

LORELAI

All right, we're getting you up here. Come on.

SOOKIE

Oh boy, being a cat is hard on the knees.

LORELAI

Since when are you a cat person?

SOOKIE

Well, ever since I got pregnant, I've become very nurturing toward all living things. Jackson, too.

LORELAI

Well, both your bodies are changing.

SOOKIE

Yesterday.. .ugh, it was awful. Jackson moved a table and just kind of nicked this spider. He didn't see the little thing, and just clipped one of its legs. And it was having trouble walking and we were so upset, but Jackson made a new leg for it out of a paper clip, but jamming the clip into the spider killed it instantly. Little Satchmo.

LORELAI

You named the spider Satchmo?

SOOKIE

After Jackson's uncle.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm sure he'll be very touched.

SOOKIE

Maybe if I wore ears!

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Papaya! Look at Mommy, look at Mommy, look at Mommy.

LORELAI

Oh, is this everyone from the Edgar Allen Poe Society?

MICHEL

If you mean the I-should-be-sterilized-so-that-my-disturbing-idiosyncrasies-aren't-passed-onto-the-next-generation society, then yes, that's them.

LORELAI

[to guests checking in] Hi, welcome to the Independence Inn.

MR. HATLESTAD

Thank you. We're Jim and Milly Hatlestad.

LORELAI

Okay, I've got you right here. Well, once again, welcome, and let me assure you there are no human body parts buried in the floor of your room to keep you awake tonight. Sound good?

MR. HATLESTAD

I guess.

LORELAI

Room 8.

LORELAI

The Tell-Tale Heart. That's a Poe story. Did they not get that?

MICHEL

The Hatlestads are not with the Poe Society.

LORELAI

Why didn't you tell me that?

MICHEL

If I had thought to, I still would not have.

FRED

Hi, my name is Larson, I'm checking in.

LORELAI

Poe Society, right?

FRED

That's me.

LORELAI

Good. Well, welcome to the Independence Inn. There will be a complimentary cask of amontillado on the table in your room, and if you're expecting your friends Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether, I'll send up another one. [pause] You said you were with the Poe Society.

FRED

Yeah, but it's just a hobby. We're not Trekkies.

LORELAI

No, no, I didn't mean to imply... I mean, you're not freaks, no way. Here, room six.

FRED

Thank you. [walks away]

MICHEL

You might want to stop trying to cute things up.

LORELAI

I hear that.

MICHEL

[to guest] Hello sir.

MANAGER

Hello everybody. Hope you're having a good day today. You folks know we do this every month, just a little get together to honor our new Employee of the Month. Nothing fancy, just a quick 'thanks' and a 'way to go.' Oh, and there's two hundred bucks in it. I think that's how we got our honoree to even show up to this thing. You know him as a trooper, our Mr. Reliable. The first time this young man sat down on that forklift, well, it was like an extension of himself. And yeah, he's not one for small talk, but this boy's production is out of sight. It's Jess Mariano everybody.

MANAGER

Would you like to say anything Jess?

JESS

Nope.

MANAGER

Well, that's our Jess. Give him another hand folks, and, uh, have a good one.

JESS

What are you doing here?

LUKE

[pinches Jess' cheek] I'm so proud of my boy.

JESS

Stop it.

LUKE

Do you have a tissue because I think I'm gonna be emotional.

JESS

I mean it, stop, now. It came with cash, it's the only reason I'm here.

LUKE

Don't forget the plaque. You should hang that over your bed, shine a little spotlight over it.

JESS

I gotta get back to work.

LUKE

Yeah, the forklift's going 'where's the extension of me?'

MANAGER

Hey. Saw you jawboning with our boy there. I'm Bill Borden.

LUKE

Luke Danes, I'm Jess' uncle.

MANAGER

Nice meeting you.

LUKE

Yeah, so he's doing good, huh?

MANAGER

Wish I had a dozen more Jesses. He's my go-to guy.

LUKE

That's great to hear.

MANAGER

Works like a dog on his regular shift, and if someone calls in sick – and they always do – Jess is there even if he's already done forty hours that week.

LUKE

Wow, I am so... forty hours? He never works forty hours.

MANAGER

More like forty-five, that's what I'm saying. Good boy, that one.

LUKE

Wait, how is that possible? He's got school, he works for me, it can't be forty.

MANAGER

Well, I can't say I sign every time card, but I'm pretty sure it's at least that. Uh, maybe I'm mistaken.

LUKE

Yeah, maybe.

MANAGER

Oh, thought you might like this. A little keepsake for ya. [hands him an Employee of the Month sign with Jess' picture on it]

LUKE

Great, thanks.

POE 1

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven."

LORELAI

[quietly to Rory] That Poe was downright funalicious.

RORY

He was a troubled man. He enjoyed a little bit too much of the hmm-hmm. [makes a drinking gesture]

LORELAI

Mime?

RORY

You know what I meant.

LORELAI

Oh, mime. That reminds me – Yale, best drama school bar none. Put that in the pro column.

RORY

I'm not taking drama.

LORELAI

No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions. You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and eighteen and doing crap like, "Hey, name an occupation!" "Plumber!" "Name a farm tool now!" "Tractor!" "Hey, I'm a tractor doing... plumbing."

RORY

That's what the do at the Yale drama school?

LORELAI

So I've heard. Oh, that's weird.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Over there. [points to another man dressed like Poe seated in the audience]

RORY

A second Poe?

LORELAI

It's like a Poe story in itself.

RORY

The Case of the Two Poes.

LORELAI

The Messrs Poe and Poe.

RORY

Oh, that's good.

LORELAI

Oh, hey, there's Dean. Hey, is that, uh...

RORY

That's Lindsay.

LORELAI

Hm.

LORELAI

Oh, I think she's ready to go to the ghetto on you.

RORY

Well, I don't have a problem with her. She's really nice. And, you know, once she –

LORELAI

Bought you a magnet shaped like Mark Twain's head? Yes, I've heard the anecdote.

RORY

Sorry.

LORELAI

I think she should just mellow. I mean, you've both moved on. What's the problem?

POE 1

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only that one word...

LORELAI

I don't remember The Raven being this long.

RORY

It could've used some editing.

LORELAI

Oh, hey, did you put drama school on the Yale pro list?

RORY

Nope.

LORELAI

Come on, do it, we'll forget.

RORY

I don't have a pen.

LORELAI

Aw, jeez. [leans toward Luke and Nicole sitting across the aisle] Hey, psst. Hi, Nicole.

NICOLE

Hi, Lorelai.

LUKE

Hey, how long is this thing?

LORELAI

He's got at least five nevermores to go.

LUKE

Ah, jeez.

LORELAI

Do you got a pen?

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

Come on, cough it up.

LUKE

I don't have a pen.

LORELAI

You've got a restaurant. Where's the pen you take orders with?

LUKE

I wasn't anticipating taking orders at the Poe reading.

LORELAI

Hm, there goes your Boy Scout badge.

RORY

Uh, Mom.

POE 1

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy...

LORELAI

Busted by a Poe.

RORY

Hope he doesn't put a curse on us.

LORELAI

Or complain when he goes back to being Fred Larson, Tampa dentist.

NICOLE

Hey, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hm? [sees Nicole holding out a pen] Oh, you're an angel, thanks.

NICOLE

I'll need it back.

LORELAI

Yeah, sure.

RORY

Hm, looks like Nicole's got a little Lindsay attitude going.

LORELAI

Not really. Really?

MISS PATTY

Hey, how many nevermores do you think he's got to go?

LORELAI

We're guessing four.

MISS PATTY

Poor Edgar Allen Poe, he suffered so much. And now we gotta suffer along with him.

RORY

Yale drama, got it.

MISS PATTY

Rory, why do you waste your time on those pro/con lists? It's going to be Harvard, we all know it.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

If the list says it is.

RORY

Right.

MISS PATTY

When you were six and took my cheerleading class, you wouldn't even cheer for any other school than Harvard.

RORY

That's true. That is true.

LORELAI

Well, then the list will reflect it.

POE 1

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted... nevermore.

LORELAI

Excellent. Bravo, bravo.

RORY

Very nice.

WOMAN

That was wonderful, wasn't it? Thank you very much for that rendition.

POE 1

Thank you.

LORELAI

What's with the Poes?

RORY

They look upset.

MISS PATTY

Wanna hear the scoop?

RORY

Please.

MISS PATTY

I was here when they both arrived. They got their signals crossed. They were supposed to perform different things, but they both came to do The Raven.

LORELAI

If the Poes start fighting, does that punch a hole in the space/time continuum?

RORY

And throw us into a universe where everything is the exact opposite of what it is here?

LORELAI

Cool. There'll be funny sitcoms there.

WOMAN

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you. It'll allow you to compare and contrast interpretations of Poe's most famous work.

RORY

Oh no.

LORELAI

Compare and contrast?

RORY

That can only mean...

WOMAN

Please enjoy this second recitation of The Raven.

LORELAI

Do we bolt?

RORY

Do we dare?

LORELAI

At least if I'd brought a flask, we could've played the nevermore drinking game.

RORY

Oh, maybe this is what drove Poe to the bottle.

LORELAI

His own work.

POE 2

Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, while I nodded, nearly napping...

LORELAI

Weird vibe in here. Very Poe.

RORY

Very Poe.

RORY

Well, that was pretty good.

LORELAI

Oh, come on. You can't do that thing where you complain, then when you walk out you reassess based on the relief you're feeling that it's over.

RORY

Well, I was able to compare and contrast between readings.

LORELAI

I was able to nap for twenty minutes.

POE 1

Good evening, ladies.

LORELAI

Oh, hi Poe.

RORY

Good job in there.

POE 1

I thank you. Young miss, do correct me, but I heard tell that you are considering attending Harvard University.

RORY

I am.

POE 1

I myself attended West Point.

LORELAI

Wow.

POE 1

I'm embarrassed to say that I was court-martialed in 1832 and forced to leave.

POE 2

Excuse me, but I was expelled from West Point in 1831, not 1832.

LORELAI

Oh.

POE 1

No, I do believe it was 1832. It was an election year.

POE 2

It was not an election year. President Jackson was to serve five more years.

POE 1

I'm sure it was '32. I'm sad to say it was the same year my older brother William passed away.

POE 2

Okay, that's not right either, Fred.

POE 1

Fred? I don't know this Fred you speak of.

POE 2

Oh, knock it off. I'm tired. [walks away]

POE 1

Will you excuse me?

LORELAI

Yeah. [he walks away] Poes are very testy people.

RORY

Mmhmm.

KIRK

I've got your latest topical T-shirts here, people. Brand new topical T-shirts for sale.

RORY

What's this one say?

LORELAI

[reads] "Faux Poes foes."

RORY

Very clever, Kirk.

KIRK

It was an inspiration. But they're not selling much better than the "Babette ate oatmeal" shirts.

LORELAI

Keep the dream, Kirk.

DEAN

Hey guys.

RORY

Oh, hi. Mom, this is Lindsay.

LINDSAY

Hi.

LORELAI

Hi. The Mark Twain magnet-head girl!

LINDSAY

The what?

LORELAI

You don't know the anecdote? You're the star.

LINDSAY

The anecdote?

RORY

It's nothing, really. Um, it's the field trip we took to Mark Twain's house in the fourth grade, and I wanted this magnet and you lent me the money and I got the magnet.

LORELAI

She usually tells it better.

LINDSAY

I kinda remember.

DEAN

So, uh, congratulations on Harvard.

RORY

Oh, yeah, thanks.

DEAN

I got into Southern Connecticut State.

RORY

Oh, that's great.

LORELAI

It is. That's great, Dean.

RORY

You're... you're... wow.

DEAN

Yeah, thanks.

LINDSAY

I've gotta get home.

DEAN

And I gotta take her, so I'll see you guys.

LORELAI

See ya.

RORY

Bye.

LORELAI

So you say she was nice?

RORY

Was, I guess, being the operative word. So are we going?

LORELAI

No, you go on ahead, I'll catch up.

RORY

Okay. Try and make it home in time for Charlie Rose. Billy Joel's on, and he might cry or something.

LORELAI

Okay.

LORELAI

So, how was Jess' Employee of the Month thing?

LUKE

Oh, it was okay.

LORELAI

Just okay?

LUKE

There was punch.

LORELAI

So the punch wasn't good?

LUKE

No, it was just... the manager came up afterwards when Jess was gone and he was talking about how Jess is working forty, forty-five hours a week.

LORELAI

What? That's full time.

LUKE

That's what I said.

LORELAI

How does he swing it?

LUKE

He must be pulling double shifts on the weekends. It's all I can think of.

LORELAI

No, he's pretty much duding it with Rory on the weekends.

LUKE

Well, then he must be getting up super early on weekday mornings and going in.

LORELAI

Have you ever seen him do that?

LUKE

No, but I don't trail him either.

LORELAI

Yeah, but you sleep in the same room with him.

LUKE

Oh, the manager must be getting Jess confused with somebody else.

LORELAI

Or...

LUKE

Or what?

LORELAI

I don't wanna say, forget it.

LUKE

No, say it, go ahead.

LORELAI

Or he's working when he should be in school.

LUKE

Impossible, no way.

LORELAI

Why?

LUKE

Because he knows the rules – he's gotta graduate to stay living with me. He's going, he's getting everything done, he's doing his work.

LORELAI

You've seen this work he's doing?

LUKE

Not for awhile, but I just know that he is. No, no way he's cutting school, it's suicide, no way.

LORELAI

I shouldn't have brought it up

LUKE

Ah, that's okay.

LORELAI

Okay.

LUKE

Goodnight.

KIRK

Say, how can I have a career as a Poe?

POE 2

It's not a career, this is just an event that we do. I write technical manuals for a living.

KIRK

Yes, but how can I have a career as a Poe?

RORY

Mom. Mom, wake up.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Mom, it's Tobin at the inn, something's wrong.

LORELAI

What's wrong?

RORY

The fire alarm's going off.

LORELAI

That stupid alarm. It's always doing that. Tell him if he doesn't smell smoke, to reset it, and tell him he's fired and I'm gonna kick his ass around the lobby for waking me up.

RORY

He sounds freaked.

LORELAI

Ugh. [takes phone] Tobin, what?... Oh my God... Okay. [hangs up] Get dressed.

RORY

What is it?

LORELAI

Get dressed, get dressed.

CHIEF BAKER

[into a walkie talkie] We've got the first engine laddering the roof, first engine. Yeah, and we need PD for traffic control.

SOOKIE

Ah, Lorelai, thank God.

LORELAI

Hey, what's going on?

SOOKIE

This is Lorelai Gilmore.

LORELAI

What's going on?

CHIEF BAKER

In a minute, ma'am.

RORY

Yeah, Mom, let him do his thing.

LORELAI

You're right. Sookie, Michel, um, is everyone out?

MICHEL

Yes.

LORELAI

Are you sure?

MICHEL

Yes.

SOOKIE

Yes. We're sure, the fire department's sure, we did a head count.

LORELAI

We need to double check, triple check. Julio! He doesn't start 'til six but sometimes he comes here early because his sister-in-law Rita gives him a ride on her way to work in Salisbury.

SOOKIE

Oh! [points to Julio in the crowd]

LORELAI

[walks over and hugs him] Ah, Julio, Julio. Ah, I'm so glad to see you, you beautiful man.

CHIEF BAKER

Ma'am, I'm Chief Baker.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm sorry I jumped on ya.

CHIEF BAKER

That's okay. The good news is that this is almost out. The structure's stable, and you're probably gonna be able to get back in in about 24 hours.

LORELAI

Excellent. Twenty-four hours, the structure's stable, thank you.

CHIEF BAKER

That's okay.

LORELAI

The statue of you is going up just as soon as we get back in. Eighty feet tall.

CHIEF BAKER

I'm looking forward to it.

LORELAI

Here we go guys, phase two.

SOOKIE

Loving the pace here.

LORELAI

Um, we need food, we need computers with Internet, we need phones. Michel, I need this on you stat. Hurry, hurry. Rory?

RORY

Yeah?

LORELAI

Um, help the guests with the kids, make sure they're not freaked out. Gather them up and entertain them for awhile so the adults can catch their breath.

RORY

Right. I have never entertained kids – how do I do that?

LORELAI

Uh, take your socks off and do a puppet show.

RORY

You've clearly never entertained kids either.

LORELAI

It's all I can think of. Get cracking.

RORY

Yes, ma'am.

LORELAI

[to the guests] Hi everybody. Good morning, and uh, whoa, talk about your change of plans here. Unfortunately, you, uh, can't get your stuff out for at least a day. However, if you wanna get home immediately, we will check planes, trains, whatever you need. We will send your stuff to you later as soon as we get it. But if you can't get home yet, we will provide everything short of anything illegal, and that's gonna start with the best breakfast of your lives. [to Sookie] Uh, Sookie, go to the market and get whatever food and supplies we need for breakfast.

SOOKIE

Going.

LORELAI

Hey, who are you on with?

MICHEL

The Cheshire Cat Inn.

LORELAI

Ah, great, find people places to sleep. Excellent. [walks away]

MICHEL

[on phone] Yes, my name is Michel Gerard, I used to work at the Independence Inn and I was wondering if there were any positions available.

MICHEL

Phones, computer, I'm on it.

SOOKIE

Morning.

LUKE

What, what is this?

SOOKIE

Phase two.

LUKE

Phase two?

SOOKIE

Into the back, guys. March!

LUKE

Hold on, those guys can't go back there.

LORELAI

Oh, we're in luck, lots of empty tables. Go on and take your seats, guys.

LUKE

Lorelai, what is this?

LORELAI

We had a fire.

LUKE

Fire, where?

SOOKIE

Weston's Bakery.

LUKE

You're kidding.

SOOKIE

They'll have fresh blueberries.

LORELAI

Perfect. Um, Weston's, hurry.

LUKE

Where... Weston's caught fire?

LORELAI

No, the inn.

LUKE

Your inn?

SOOKIE

Just move all of Luke's stuff aside, we don't need it.

LUKE

Hey, wait a minute.

LORELAI

Everyone's fine, the inn's still standing, we're into phase two.

LUKE

What is phase two?

SOOKIE

Just shove it aside.

LUKE

What are you doing?

SOOKIE

Making breakfast.

LUKE

You can't make breakfast here.

SOOKIE

Got any plates that aren't cracked?

LUKE

You're the one that's cracked.

SOOKIE

Nice thing to say to a pregnant woman.

LUKE

You're pregnant?

LORELAI

Could you be any farther behind?

SOOKIE

Yo, Caesar, help my guys and there's a twenty in it for you.

LUKE

We both can't be making different stuff at the same time.

LORELAI

You know, you're right. Listen, all you people who were here before we invaded, are you willing to cancel your current orders for Sookie's famous blueberry-lemon pancakes, Belgian waffles or bananas foster?

MAN

Sure.

WOMAN

Sounds good.

SOOKIE

Okay, pull all of Luke's stuff off the grill and let's get cooking!

LUKE

I'm an island.

LORELAI

Luke, I'm sorry about all this, but I'm not anticipating the inn catching fire ever again, so it's a one time only thing, okay?

LUKE

Like I have a choice?

LORELAI

You do. Say the word and we go.

LUKE

Stay, cook, eat. I'll be upstairs.

LORELAI

You're a doll.

SOOKIE

No, get rid of it! Dump it, dump it! I don't wanna see it!

RORY

"Where are you going? I told you to take out the garbage!" "Nag, nag, nag. I wanna watch football and sit in my reclining chair." "Get back here or I'm gonna get you... " [sees Lorelai] Oh, hey, guys, hold on a second.

BOY

No, keep going.

RORY

Oh, calm down there, little scooter. I'll be right back.

LORELAI

Hey Shari Lewis, how's the show going?

RORY

Oh, they're riveted.

LORELAI

Good.

RORY

Yeah, but I stink. I keep repeating the same stuff over and over again.

LORELAI

Must be working.

RORY

But I named them Mr. and Mrs. Sock Puppet. I put no energy into this.

BOY

Come back, Rory.

RORY

You would think that a lame-o sock puppet show would bore them to tears.

LORELAI

It's your narrative skills. I mean, is he gonna take the garbage out, is he not gonna take the garbage out? I'm on the edge of my seat.

RORY

Yeah, but they won't let me stop and I have to get to school eventually.

LORELAI

Okay. [to kids] Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder – it's part of the game!

BOY

Oh boy!

LORELAI

Go!

RORY

You're cruel and they love you.

LORELAI

Come check in at Patty's with me.

BABETTE

I love computers, I just know nothing about 'em. What does pushing that F3 button do?

MICHEL

Annoy me to no end.

BABETTE

What about the F4?

MISS PATTY

[answers] Hello, this is the Independence Inn emergency headquarters. I'm Miss patty, I'll be assisting you today. How may I help you? [pause] The printer will be here in half an hour, I'll let him know. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The printer will –

MICHEL

I heard, and you've got to shorten your greeting.

MISS PATTY

What?

MICHEL

You do not need to recite the Gettysburg Address every time you answer the phone.

MISS PATTY

I was Ricardo Montalban's receptionist for six months and he never complained.

MICHEL

Who?

MISS PATTY

Don't make me hit you.

LORELAI

You all set up here?

MICHEL

Computer with Internet, phones forwarded here, printer on the way.

MISS PATTY

I'm the receptionist.

BABETTE

And I'm learning the computer.

MICHEL

And I'm looking for my cyanide capsule – have you seen it?

LORELAI

It's nice of you to help guys, thanks. Now, at least half the Poe group needs to stay another night, so we're gonna need to find places to put them up.

MICHEL

Everything is booked.

LORELAI

You checked the Cheshire Cat, the Maiden's Teacup, the Cookie House, the Sugarbear Inn?

MICHEL

Every place that sounds like Glinda the Good Witch threw up, yes – all booked.

LORELAI

Well, then, we're gonna have to take people in.

MISS PATTY

Well, I can take a couple in, sweetie.

BABETTE

I can, too. We got cots. Ooh-hoo-hoo, we got cots.

LORELAI

Great. Michel?

MICHEL

Forget it. The Poes are weird. I'd fear being killed in my sleep. Plus, I don't like strangers using my toilet.

BABETTE

I bet the Kims could put people up. And Taylor. And Al.

LORELAI

And we've got our couch and my room.

RORY

Nope.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

They can have my room, not yours.

LORELAI

No, hon, mine's fine.

RORY

Mom, no, mine. You are stressed out enough without losing your room. You need your rest, so you keep your bed, period.

LORELAI

I'll look selfish.

RORY

Well, if anyone calls you that, I'll kick their sorry butts.

LORELAI

Okay, your room under protest.

BABETTE

Hey Michel, I just hit F4 and the num lock key and the one with the little apple on it and it's freaking out like it's on acid or something.

MICHEL

Oy vey.

MISS PATTY

I got it. [answers] Yeah?

MICHEL

Well, you need to say more than that.

MISS PATTY

Well, make up your mind.

RORY

I've gotta go, but page me if there's any news or anything.

LORELAI

Okay. You mean, like if Michel kills Babette and then Patty then himself in a bizarre murder-murder-suicide pact?

RORY

Amongst other things.

LORELAI

We had a fire.

RORY

I know. Bye.

MRS. O'MALLEY

It'll be the last midterm of your high school careers, so rejoice over that if nothing else. [bell rings] Now, before you go, I just wanna mention that it looks like another banner year for Chilton grads seeking top colleges. I wanna congratulate all of those who have heard and advise patience for all of you who have not. No one has escaped from Chilton without going onto another terrific school if that is his or her goal.

LOUISE

Good to hear.

MRS. O'MALLEY

And I know that at least one of you has been accepted to Harvard. It's an immense honor, that. Congratulations.

RORY

Have you guys heard from Paris?

MADELINE

Heard what?

RORY

Anything?

LOUISE

She's not here?

RORY

She's been gone for five days.

LOUISE

Huh.

MADELINE

Didn't notice.

LOUISE

Although, it did seem like there was a lot more air in here.

PARIS

Come back for the tray later, Nanny.

RORY

It's not Nanny, Paris. It's Rory. Can I come in?

PARIS

I guess.

RORY

Hi. I brought a bunch of school stuff from the past few days. If there's anything missing, I can bring it over later.

PARIS

Thank you. No offense, but my soap's starting.

RORY

So, you're sick, huh?

PARIS

You know what's wrong. You of all people. That's Martin. His sister-in-law got kidnapped and he thinks his former lover is behind it.

RORY

Juicy.

PARIS

So, don't you have an announcement?

RORY

What do you mean?

PARIS

Did you get in?

RORY

You know, we don't have to...

PARIS

I know you did. You've got that Harvard glow about you, the glow of destiny.

RORY

Paris.

PARIS

Just tell me.

RORY

I got in.

PARIS

Ugh, Amanda and Richard. I'm so over them.

RORY

So you've been incommunicado lately.

PARIS

I've had Nanny hold all my calls, and the mail. My parents are away, so I've been totally Howard Hughes-ing it.

RORY

So did you tell them about Harvard?

PARIS

No.

RORY

Don't you think you should?

PARIS

No.

RORY

Well, don't you think they'll find out?

PARIS

How?

RORY

Well, you not moving out might be a tip-off.

PARIS

I'll get an apartment in Cambridge, buy a Harvard sweatshirt, talk about Mira Sorvino a lot. It's doable. I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie, and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in fifteen years.

RORY

Yikes.

PARIS

Like I couldn't tell.

RORY

And what's going on with your boyfriend?

PARIS

I haven't called him either.

RORY

So the only people in your life right now work at General Hospital?

PARIS

This isn't General Hospital. I don't deserve General Hospital.

RORY

Okay, you've got to stop doing this.

PARIS

What happened? Harvard was my destiny. I was flipping through Harvard class schedules when you were still delighting to The Adventures of Gumby and Pokie.

RORY

I was more of a Pee Wee Herman kind of gal.

PARIS

It's partly my parents' fault, they didn't brand me properly. I should've been at the 92^nd Street Y or Brick Church.

RORY

Prep schools?

PARIS

Pre-schools. It decides everything. But I'm not totally blameless. I found a spot in my interview that I'm sure doomed me.

RORY

You recorded your Harvard interview?

PARIS

The plan was to archive everything, then donate it to the university upon my demise. Little did I expect that my demise would come this early.

PARIS

... shouldn't even be taken into account. This dovetails nicely into my feelings about population control. It's a little hot in here, can we do something about that? Anyway, population control has been dramatically successful in most European countries to the detriment of some, especially Italy, which is experiencing a marked drop –

INTERVIEWER

Do you think this has anything to do with –

PARIS

Whoa, whoa, just let me finish my thought here.

INTERVIEWER

But Paris...

PARIS

Please!

RORY

Well, you said please, that's very polite.

PARIS

I sound like a meth addict. I might as well record the new Justin Timberlake over this.

RORY

I hate that you're torturing yourself like this, in bed like this.

PARIS

Proust wrote all three thousand pages of In Search of Lost Time in bed. If it's good enough for him. [Rory grabs the remote and turns the TV off] Hey!

RORY

Bed is not a life plan, and you, my friend, need a life plan, so here it is. You need to tell your parents about Harvard. You need to start taking calls from people. You need to check the mail so that you can see the other millions of universities that have no doubt accepted you and that are probably dying to be in the Paris Gellar business. You need to call your boyfriend back because he's going to be worried about you and because none of this is his fault, and you need to start by getting the hell out of bed.

PARIS

You did not just say "be in the Paris Gellar business."

RORY

You know what I meant.

PARIS

There is no alternative to Harvard.

RORY

Except Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Sarah Lawrence, et cetera, et cetera.

PARIS

Well, maybe you're right.

RORY

I'm unquestionably right.

PARIS

But I'm not jumping up this second.

RORY

You don't have to rush it.

PARIS

And I'm going to have to keep watching this, at least until Adriana's wrongful conviction for aggravated assault is overturned.

RORY

I understand.

PARIS

Thanks.

LORELAI

You've got your remote, your water, your comic books. Looks like we've got you all set up here, Fred Junior.

FRED JR

Yes, ma'am.

LORELAI

Oh, ma'am. You make me feel old. Stop it.

FRED JR

Yes, ma'am.

LORELAI

No, I mean it, stop it.

FRED JR

Okay.

FRED

I think we're out of toothpaste.

LORELAI

Oh, sorry, Fred. Below the sink there's plenty more.

FRED

Oh, thank you. This is kind of fun.

LORELAI

Oh, well, it's fun having you guys.

LORELAI

Aw, I would've done that.

RORY

I feel weird now.

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

About other people sleeping in my bed.

LORELAI

Oh, honey, don't worry. Fred and his wife don't seem...

RORY

Don't seem what?

LORELAI

Like they're feeling extremely romantic.

RORY

Oh, God, that didn't even cross my mind.

LORELAI

You're kidding! That's all I would've thought of.

RORY

Well, I'm thinking about it now, thank you very much.

LORELAI

Got all your stuff for Lane's?

RORY

Yeah, it wasn't a hard packing job.

LORELAI

Wow, these have really changed.

RORY

What have?

LORELAI

The pro/con lists. In all the hubbub, they slipped my mind. Yale.

RORY

What about it?

LORELAI

Yale.

RORY

What do you mean?

LORELAI

Yale.

RORY

Stop saying Yale.

LORELAI

It has double the pros of the other two.

RORY

I wouldn't say double.

LORELAI

Triple over filthy, dirty Princeton. It's kicking butt.

RORY

But I'm not done collecting my data yet.

LORELAI

You have a document the length of Nicholas Nickleby here. Looks like you're done.

RORY

But...

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Look at my wall.

LORELAI

So?

RORY

So that wall says something.

LORELAI

Yeah, it says the Harvard merchandising department made a nice chunk of change off of us.

RORY

But how can I go to Yale with my wall looking like this?

LORELAI

It's a wall. Look, honey, Luke was right. The pro/con lists have to come to an end eventually.

RORY

But Luke also reminded us that it was supposed to be Harvard regardless of a list. Everyone thinks that.

LORELAI

I don't. I don't. I know I'm the one who said no to Yale loudly and a lot, but not anymore. Really, I just want what's right.

RORY

I know, but it has to be right for both of us.

LORELAI

If it's right for you, it's really right for me.

RORY

But I don't want you to hate the place I'm going.

LORELAI

Never.

FRED

Oh. Uh, are you not ready for us yet?

LORELAI

Oh, no, we're ready for you, Fred.

FRED

We hate to put you out.

RORY

No, it's perfectly okay.

LORELAI

I'm guessing you two are gonna fall sound asleep the minute your heads hit that pillow.

FRED

Oh yeah, we're exhausted.

RORY

Have a good night.

LORELAI

Yeah, guys, yell if you need anything. [quietly] I don't wanna hear you yelling for any other reason.

RORY

Shh!

LORELAI

Ah. So where's Jess tonight?

RORY

Working.

LORELAI

He works a lot, doesn't he?

RORY

He's saving a lot, too.

LORELAI

Good.

RORY

He wants a better car. The one he's got keeps stalling.

LORELAI

And he's still working at Luke's, too, right?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

So is he down to part-time at school?

RORY

What do you mean?

LORELAI

Getting work credit or something?

RORY

No, he's going full time.

LORELAI

Oh yeah?

RORY

Why do you say that?

LORELAI

I don't know. It's just, Wal-Mart, working at Luke's, squiring you around town... it just seems like a lot of his time's accounted for.

RORY

Well, that's crazy. He's a senior, he's going to school full time.

LORELAI

Just wondering.

RORY

Rest.

LORELAI

I'll try.

RORY

And don't start the sock puppets with Fred Junior or he'll never let you stop. Bye.

LORELAI

Bye.

LORELAI

Excitement here never stops, Fred Junior.

MR. HATLESTAD

Hi there.

LORELAI

The Hatlestads, hi. I thought you went home.

MR.HATLESTAD

Well, breakfast was so great and the town's so nice, and you made staying over sound so fun, that we decided to take you up on it.

LORELAI

Oh.

MR. HATLESTAD

Is that okay?

LORELAI

It's more than okay. Come on in, 'cause you're staying here.

MR. HATLESTAD

Thank you. [they walk into the house]

LORELAI

Your bedroom's right upstairs, you can't miss it.

MR. HATLESTAD

Terrific, thanks. [they start walking up the stairs]

LORELAI

How much room you take up on that couch there, Fred Junior?

FRED JR

Pretty much all of it.

LORELAI

That's what I figured.

RORY

So, who do you have staying in your room?

LANE

The second Poe and his wife.

RORY

Well, for your sake, I hope they are very, very tired.

LANE

Why?

RORY

Nothing. I shouldn't have said anything. [answers phone] Hello?

LORELAI

I'm a nomad.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

I am the lonely wanderer. Hank Williams would be too sad to write a song about me.

RORY

Where are you?

LORELAI

Oh, I'm a Bedouin. I'm homeless!

RORY

Okay, stop with that. Where are you?

LORELAI

I'm walking aimlessly around town.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

The Hatlestads showed up.

RORY

But they went home.

LORELAI

Apparently I made the whole emergency fire accommodations sound so fun that they had second thoughts.

RORY

You're a terrific salesman.

LORELAI

And a terrific idiot.

RORY

So where are you right this second?

LORELAI

Oh, I'm in the middle of the street, a.k.a. my bedroom.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

I'm by the school, Luke's, that area.

RORY

Luke's, good. Go there.

LORELAI

It's closed.

RORY

But Luke is upstairs.

LORELAI

Oh.

RORY

Ask him if you can stay.

LORELAI

But –

RORY

I bet the answer's yes.

LORELAI

He'll make me eat a veggie burger!

RORY

Get moving.

LORELAI

Fine. Bye.

RORY

Bye.

LORELAI

[yells] Luke! Luke! Stella!

LUKE

Who is that?

LORELAI

Lorelai.

LUKE

What are you doing down there?

LORELAI

Enjoying some air, getting some exercise, and freezing.

LUKE

Well, go home.

LORELAI

Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

It's from Ed Wood, the movie.

LUKE

Have you gone bonkers?

LORELAI

People are bunking at my place and I need somewhere to stay.

LUKE

And it just occurred to you now to look for a place?

LORELAI

The stupid Hatlestads showed up.

LUKE

Who?

MRS. SLUTSKY

Pipe down out there!

LUKE

Go back to bed, Mrs. Slutsky!

MRS. SLUTSKY

Don't talk to me that way, young man!

LORELAI

Throw your keys down.

MRS. SLUTSKY

I will not!

LORELAI

No, Luke, Mrs. Slutsky.

LUKE

I'll just come down.

MRS. SLUTSKY

Do something!

LORELAI

Ditto.

LUKE

I'm coming down.

LORELAI

Okay.

LORELAI

My – my inn caught fire. [pause] Hurry, Luke.

LANE

No, Young Chui, it was right to break up with her. Why stay in a relationship when it's not going anywhere?... Life's too short, exactly... No, I told you a joke last night, I need more time to come up with another one... Look, it's getting late. I got my math test tomorrow, I better go... Yeah, I'll call you to tell you how it went... Okay, night. [hangs up]

RORY

So Young Chui and his girlfriend are broken up, huh?

LANE

Yeah, and good riddance. She was very waspy.

RORY

What about you and Young Chui? Are you broken up?

LANE

No, my mom still thinks we're the perfect young Korean couple.

RORY

Weren't you supposed to be broken up by now?

LANE

Yeah, but Young Chui thinks it isn't time yet.

RORY

Why? This is a fake relationship. You were never really going out.

LANE

I don't know. I bring it up every night and he just changes the subject.

RORY

You talk every night?

LANE

Pretty much. He's a little needy right now.

RORY

That's a lot of talking.

LANE

Well, we're friends.

RORY

Just friends?

LANE

What are you getting at?

RORY

Just that he's calling you every night and he keeps putting off your break-up, so God knows when you'll be able to date Dave Rygalski. He's asking you to tell him jokes and to let him know how your math test went...

LANE

So?

RORY

So... it sounds like he's in love with you.

LANE

No. No. Young Chui is not in love with me. And it's not for you to take an innocent friendship like Young Chui and I have, with its air of innocence and its... innocence. Oh my God, he loves me. That stupid boy's fallen in love with me!

RORY

It's not stupid. You're a catch.

LANE

But not his catch, I'm Dave's catch. I've already been caught.

RORY

You probably need to be more direct.

LANE

That fool. And I can't break up with him or my mom will never let me date. It's gotta come from him. What do I do?

RORY

Just a second? [she walks over to the window and opens it]

JESS

Hey.

RORY

Hey.

JESS

Bizarro day, huh?

RORY

Wouldn't wanna repeat it.

JESS

The inn's still closed?

RORY

Just 'til tomorrow.

JESS

What caused it?

RORY

They're not sure. Something electrical, probably.

JESS

That's usually the culprit. Something the matter?

RORY

No.

JESS

Good.

RORY

So how was school?

JESS

Same ol', same ol'.

RORY

You're still doing okay?

JESS

Doing my reading, writing, and arithmetic.

RORY

And you're still going, right?

JESS

What? Where's this coming from?

RORY

There's been speculation.

JESS

From who?

RORY

My mom asked whether you're going full time to school.

JESS

Your mom?

RORY

Yeah.

JESS

Why's she so interested?

RORY

Because you're dating her daughter.

JESS

Oh, great, what else does she think I did? Start the fire, put Phil Spector up to it?

RORY

I told her yes, you were going.

JESS

Well, as they say on the Family Feud, good answer.

RORY

So, I didn't lie to her?

JESS

No.

RORY

No?

JESS

Look, don't worry, I got it under control.

RORY

Jess.

JESS

I'm going enough. I've been picking up some extra shifts here and there, but I'm fine. It's Mickey Mouse stuff anyway. What it takes the others hours to learn, it takes me minutes.

RORY

Well, if you're behind...

JESS

I'm not behind.

RORY

But if you get behind, I can help you catch up.

JESS

Got it covered.

RORY

If you say so.

JESS

I do.

RORY

Okay.

JESS

So how 'bout you come out?

MRS. KIM

What's this?

LANE

He was just leaving, Mama.

MRS. KIM

Why is he here at all?

LANE

He came to borrow something. Here. [she picks up something from the table and walks it over to Jess]

JESS

Thank you. [to Mrs. Kim] Baseball bat?

MRS. KIM

Cricket.

JESS

Night.

LUKE

Oh, don't do that.

LORELAI

Don't do what?

LUKE

Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it. I need more for this side.

LUKE

You pulled it back again.

LORELAI

Okay, I need it for my side.

LUKE

I need it to tuck in.

LORELAI

Same here.

LUKE

I always tuck it in on this side.

LORELAI

Let's tuck it in on both sides.

LUKE

You tuck a bed in on both sides?

LORELAI

Yes, and then I slip down into it like I'm in a straitjacket or something.

LUKE

Oh, you must feel right at home there.

LORELAI

I so set you up for that.

LUKE

Fine, tuck it in on your side.

LORELAI

You know, I really should take the couch. Me taking the bed doesn't feel right.

LUKE

Oh, now, come on.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

You browbeat me into giving you the bed and pretending you don't want it now isn't working.

LORELAI

I'm pretending to try to be polite.

LUKE

I'm fine with the couch. You're the one that's exhausted.

LORELAI

You know, I'm actually not.

LUKE

Really?

LORELAI

I'm, like, strangely exhilarated. I mean, as awful as what happened today was, I'm happy with how I handled it. You know, you never know how you're gonna react in situations like this until something happens and I think I did pretty well.

LUKE

Yeah, I do, too.

LUKE

[answers] Hello?... oh, hey, Nicole, hi... Yeah, I'm good... Oh, not much. There was a fire at the local inn out here and... Yeah, the one she works at, yeah... Everybody's fine. Yeah, just a lot of chaos for awhile. So how was your thing today?... All right, fill me in tomorrow... Seven's good... Okay... Okay, yeah... Goodnight. [hangs up] That was Nicole.

LORELAI

So I heard. Why didn't you tell her I was here?

LUKE

Didn't come up.

LORELAI

You mean, she didn't out of the clear blue and for no reason ask you if I was sleeping over?

LUKE

Just didn't seem necessary.

LORELAI

Well, you have nothing to hide here. You just took in a refugee.

LUKE

I know there's nothing to hide. It's just that... you've kinda become a...

LORELAI

Become what?

LUKE

A sore point with me and Nicole.

LORELAI

What, how?

LUKE

Well, on our first date, I was a little nervous and I wasn't having any luck coming up with topics, so I was just kinda blabbing a lot. And then she ordered extra fries at dinner, so it reminded me of you and I told her a quick story about you and French fries, and that seemed fine. And then later, she ordered a third cup of coffee...

LORELAI

Oh, Luke.

LUKE

And I mentioned you and your coffee thing, and I noticed that Nicole kind of reacted a little, and ever since then, she's been a little sensitive to the issue.

LORELAI

Well, of course she is, Luke. You don't talk about another woman on a first date.

LUKE

Even if it's just a friend?

LORELAI

They don't exist.

LUKE

Come on.

LORELAI

Not on a first date.

LUKE

No other women exist on a first date, not even my mother?

LORELAI

Do you really think talking about your mother on a first date is wise?

LUKE

Not really.

LORELAI

You can maybe mention a sister, maybe. And then you move on really, really quickly.

LUKE

This is why I hate dating.

LORELAI

Well, unless you wanna be Mountain Man all your life, you've got to abide by the rules and customs. Ooh, sorry, I have to get up super early tomorrow.

LUKE

No problem. What time?

LORELAI

Six.

LUKE

I get up at quarter to five every morning.

LORELAI

Why in the world would you get up that early?

LUKE

I don't know, to run my business?

LORELAI

Well, change businesses. Ooh, wow, total déjà vu.

LUKE

Really?

LORELAI

It's the alarm clock. I had a dream once that you set eighteen alarm clocks to get me up, which is not a bad way to get me up.

LUKE

Where were we?

LORELAI

We were, um, at my house. I got up, I went downstairs for coffee, and you talked to my stomach.

LUKE

Why on earth I do that?

LORELAI

Well, because I was pregnant. Twins.

LUKE

Mine?

LORELAI

What am I, dream tramp? Of course yours.

LUKE

We were married?

LORELAI

Um, yeah. Did I not mention that?

LUKE

No. You know, you shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant.

LORELAI

Uh, true.

LUKE

It's probably why Rory's a caffeine addict.

LORELAI

Right, you're right.

LUKE

Dream go beyond that?

LORELAI

No. Um, you talked to my stomach and then you ki... well, no.

LUKE

Oh, okay. Well... night.

LORELAI

Yeah, night.

RORY

Luke and Sookie have worked things out.

LORELAI

There does seem to be a grudging respect thing going on.

SOOKIE

Get the ricotta fritters started, guys. I wanna serve those first.

LUKE

Hey, we making the Cajun Eggs Benedict again?

SOOKIE

I don't know, we could.

LUKE

Let's do it, it was good.

SOOKIE

Well, the Cajun was all your doing.

LUKE

Only because I knocked the cayenne pepper into your hollandaise.

SOOKIE

Hey, how do you think they invented the Reese's cup and penicillin, my friend? We can win the Nobel here.

JESS

Morning.

LUKE

You're up early.

JESS

Gotta catch me that worm. See ya.

LUKE

Where you off to?

JESS

School.

LUKE

This early?

JESS

I got a lab project going on. Me and my team are meeting early.

LUKE

Well, have a good day.

JESS

If I have a choice. [walks over to Rory and Lorelai] Hey.

LORELAI

Good morning.

JESS

Talk to you later.

RORY

Later.

LORELAI

By the way, your boyfriend snores.

RORY

Didn't need to know that.

LORELAI

[answers phone] Hello... it is?... oh, I love you, I love you... thanks. [hangs up] We're open. Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please. That was just Chief Baker on the phone who told me in that deep sexy voice of his that the inn is officially reopened. Uh, right now it's just me and the staffers, but soon, very soon, you will have your stuff back and you can go home.

FRED

Thank you, Lorelai. Listen, from our group, we want to give you this. [hands her a stuffed raven]

LORELAI

Oh, well, that's the nicest dead bird I've ever gotten. Thanks, Fred.

POE 2

It's from all of us.

LORELAI

Right. Thank you Poe Society. Coming Sookie?

SOOKIE

I'm coming. Okay, you need to caramelize the hazelnuts for the brioche French toast, add some Madeira to the pear-poaching liquid and add some chives to the cream for the sheared eggs.

LUKE

Don't burn anything, got it.

RORY

I've gotta change for school.

LORELAI

Go, go, we'll see you later.

SOOKIE

Let's go.

MICHEL

Ah, here they are.

LORELAI

Hi, Michel. Hi, Chief. Don't we love our chief?

SOOKIE

I bet he can beat up all the other chiefs.

LORELAI

For sure he can.

MICHEL

Can we get on with this?

CHIEF BAKER

Let me just unlock the door here.

LORELAI

Michel, the first thing I wanna do is get into all the rooms and get all the guests' stuff into the lobby and organized for them to pick up. Sookie, go to the kitchen and let me know what's what. Maybe we can open for dinner.

CHIEF BAKER

Dinner?

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHIEF BAKER

Anyone give you a heads up about what's inside?

LORELAI

No.

CHIEF BAKER

You might wanna wait 'til you get inside to make your plans. And go slow.