T3E20: “Say Goodnight, Gracie”

KYLE

Get the wrapper.

MARSHALL

What wrapper?

KYLE

The Tootsie Roll wrapper.

MARSHALL

What Tootsie Roll wrapper?

KYLE

The one at your feet.

MARSHALL

I don't see it.

KYLE

It's right there.

MARSHALL

Where?

KYLE

Marshall, stop arguing with me, my parents are watching.

LORELAI

Have you see these guys? They're hilarious.

RORY

I got it, we can go.

LORELAI

Why are you holding it like that?

RORY

Because when Lane left it here last night, it was a very different color.

LORELAI

Are you sure she's gonna want that back? It's been left alone all night at a keg party. There's no getting it over that. That backpack is permanently scarred. That backpack is Zelda Fitzgerald.

RORY

Well, Zelda's going home.

LORELAI

Okay. Your first cop-raided party. I am just so proud.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

I just wish I could've been there.

RORY

It was no big deal.

LORELAI

Did they bring the paddywagon?

RORY

Yeah, but then we snuck out the backdoor of the speak-easy and headed straight for the Algonquin.

LORELAI

How was Benchley?

RORY

Drunk again.

LORELAI

So tell me more about this party last night. I mean, I know the end, but what happened in the middle?

RORY

Lane's band played, they were great, and then people just hung out and talked, and then, uh, there was some sort of fight, I guess. The cops came, that's it.

LORELAI

Hm.

LORELAI

Hey, Luke.

LUKE

I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.

LORELAI

Sure, yeah.

RORY

Ten minutes is great.

LUKE

And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.

LORELAI

And then hopefully got your hearing checked.

LUKE

Can I finish my story?

LORELAI

I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.

LUKE

And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel.

LORELAI

The what?

LUKE

Exactly.

LORELAI

Uh, so let's get back to the party recap. Any little details you wanna tell Mommy?

RORY

Jess and Dean got into the fight.

LORELAI

Over you.

RORY

I was a contributing factor.

LORELAI

Was anyone hurt?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

And that's why the cops came and broke up the party?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

So not only did you go to a cop-raided party but you started the raid?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

This fence is broken because of you, this crap is on the ground because of you.

RORY

What's your point?

LORELAI

[sings] Did you ever know that you're my hero?

RORY

Oh my God!

LORELAI

[sings] You're everything I would like to be. And I could fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

DENNIS

Oh, these muffins, they're brilliant.

PEG

Tell us you sell your muffin mix.

LORELAI

Sookie, these people wanna throw roses at your feet.

SOOKIE

And I will let them.

PEG

Listen, Sookie, Dennis and I and a bunch of us others wondered if you offered cooking classes.

SOOKIE

Cooking classes?

DENNIS

Some of the better B&B's have them on the itinerary.

SOOKIE

Oh, of course they do. So, we do, too.

PEG

We will be your disciples.

SOOKIE

Oh my gosh, we're gonna have so much fun. We'll start with some spreads and jams, and if there's time - desserts. I have this chocolate balm. . .oh, but breads. . .and soups!

LORELAI

Um, Sookie, hon, we don't have a kitchen.

SOOKIE

Oh, right.

PEG

There's no kitchen?

SOOKIE

Okay, not a problem. You'll all come to my house.

PEG

Can't wait.

DENNIS

Cheers.

LORELAI

Uh, make a note - if the guests are gonna wear those robes downstairs, we need to buy ones with thicker material.

SOOKIE

Really.

LORELAI

Seeing the sunlight hit Dennis gave me a whole new respect for Peg.

SOOKIE

Hey, listen, uh, Jackson's up in Rochester today helping his cousin rebuild his Nova. He's not getting home 'til late, so you know what that makes me?

LORELAI

Available.

SOOKIE

Like an intern.

LORELAI

Oh.

SOOKIE

What are you and Rory doing tonight?

LORELAI

I'm open. Rory's got plans with the grandparents.

SOOKIE

I didn't know you guys were back in touch.

LORELAI

I'm not, Rory is.

SOOKIE

Ah.

LORELAI

Mmhmm, yeah.

SOOKIE

Well, at least the family pressure's off you now. That's good, right?

LORELAI

I don't know. I mean, before this whole Friday night dinner thing, I didn't see them regularly and we didn't talk regularly, so it wasn't weird when I didn't see them or talk to them regularly.

SOOKIE

You miss them.

LORELAI

No, I just feel like I'm not doing something I'm supposed to do. I feel guilty.

SOOKIE

So what are you gonna do about it?

LORELAI

I'm gonna hope it passes.

SOOKIE

Sounds healthy.

PRIEST

Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they. . .

RORY

Hey.

LANE

Hi.

RORY

So, how are you? How were things last night?

LANE

You mean, after my drunken call to my mother?

RORY

Yeah. What happened when you got home?

LANE

I'm not sure.

RORY

What do you mean you're not sure?

LANE

Well, after I finished with my Farelly brothers' audition in the bushes - thank you for the hair-holding, by the way.

RORY

Anytime.

LANE

Dave dropped me off at home. He wanted to come in, but he's an only child and I saw no reason for his family line to end with him, so I went in and he left.

RORY

And?

LANE

The place was dark.

RORY

No Mrs. Kim?

LANE

No Mrs. Kim.

RORY

No Mrs. Kim.

LANE

So, of course, I panicked. What does this mean? I mean, when I come home ten minutes late from bible study, she has a cow. But I call her drunk, tell her I'm at a party, I'm a drummer in a band, and I'm in love with a non-Korean. . .I expected there to be backup - aunts, uncles, cousins pulled out from villages I've never heard of, but nothing.

RORY

I don't understand.

LANE

So I go upstairs to make sure everything's okay. I look in her room and she's in bed asleep.

RORY

No.

LANE

Then this morning, I get up, I go in the kitchen where she's making breakfast and I say, "Good morning, Mama."

RORY

And?

LANE

She turns around, looks right at me and says, "Good morning, Lane."

RORY

Really?

LANE

And those were the last words she's said to me all day.

RORY

So she's freezing you out?

LANE

No, it was more Stepford than cold. You know, very calm, very serene.

RORY

Okay, well, let's think. Maybe she didn't hear you.

LANE

I was drunk, I could've slurred.

RORY

Exactly. Maybe she thought you said you were at a smarty, playing clock music, drinking fear, and in love with Rave Smitchalsky.

LANE

And how would that be better?

RORY

It's much less clear.

LANE

What is that smell?

RORY

Your backpack.

PRIEST

Blessed are they which are pers -

PRIEST

[speaks quickly] Uh, blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs are the Kingdom of Heaven.

RORY

You have to talk to her, Lane.

LANE

I can't talk to her.

RORY

Well, what are you going to do?

LANE

Well, first off, I volunteered to work this table for the next two months. Plus, I told her I'd go to that Seventh Day Adventist college in Hartford and live at home.

RORY

Lane, no.

LANE

And I told Dave to forget about the prom. There's no way that's gonna happen.

RORY

I'm sorry.

LANE

Don't be, it's my fault.

PRIEST

And utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me, Amen. Okay, let's go. Sorry, David.

RABBI

No problem, Archie.

WOMAN

Excuse me, I'd like some ham.

JESS

Be right back.

WOMAN

But I'd like some ham!

MAN 1

Is this what I ordered?

JESS

Yes. [walks to the table by the door] Know what you want yet?

MAN 2

Oh, uh, no, not yet.

JESS

You know what might help?

MAN 2

What?

JESS

Opening the menu.

MAN 2

Yes, thank you for the tip.

JESS

I need ham.

CAESAR

No ham.

JESS

We got a shipment of ham yesterday.

CAESAR

No ham.

JESS

Caesar, there's a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty handed, there's a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me.

CAESAR

No ham.

JESS

Then sew some bacon together 'cause that woman is getting ham.

MAN 1

Excuse me, I don't think this is what I. . .[Jess exchanges his plate with the one he's carrying] Thank you.

JESS

[holds up the plate] Who ordered this? Look in front of you. If there is nothing there and there should be, then this is yours.

KIRK

Oh, here.

JESS

Well?

MAN 2

What?

JESS

You know what you want yet?

MAN 2

I'll just have more coffee.

JESS

More coffee coming up. Glad to make your dining dreams come true.

TAYLOR

[sings] "Oh, who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew. Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two, the candy man. Oh, the candy man can!" Yes, that's right, the candy man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good, and I, ladies and gentlemen, am the candy man. Your candy man. I'm mixing it with love and making Stars Hollow taste good.

JESS

Move.

TAYLOR

Uh, in a second Jess. Give him a taffy. I come to announce to one and all that the day we all thought would never get here has arrived.

KIRK

Arbor Day?

TAYLOR

No.

KIRK

The Day of Reckoning?

TAYLOR

No

KIRK

The day the music died?

TAYLOR

Kirk.

KIRK

Give me a taffy.

TAYLOR

What?

KIRK

I've got a million of 'em. Give me a taffy!

TAYLOR

As I was saying, the big day has arrived. The opening of Taylor's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe and Candy Store! Tomorrow from noon to six, there will be fun, balloons, ice cream, and old fashioned penny candy for just one dollar a piece. Come at noon, stay all day...

JESS

Where the hell have you been? The place is a freaking zoo. Every table's full and I've got Sammy Davis Jr. here thinking it's the Desert Inn.

LUKE

I had to run an errand.

JESS

Everybody's complaining, we're out of ham, Caesar's suddenly decided to join the Slow Food Movement, and I've got a guy who's moved in at a table for four. He just sits, making it impossible for me to turn over that table, and if I can't turn over that table, then that cuts way back on my tips.

LUKE

I'm sorry, don't you mean my tips?

JESS

What?

LUKE

You know where I was this morning?

JESS

No.

LUKE

I was at Kyle's. His parents called me this morning.

JESS

Oh, yeah?

LUKE

Seems a little party you went to last night got a little Animal House, huh?

JESS

Dean started it.

LUKE

Oh, you're not really gonna use that one, are you?

JESS

Well, he did. He sucker punched me and I was just defending myself.

LUKE

Oh, apparently you defended yourself all the way through the house and out into the front yard. You defended yourself with a chair that is now broken. You defended yourself with a coffee table. You defended yourself with an ottoman.

JESS

I don't need a recap.

LUKE

Do you have any idea how much damage you caused?

JESS

Dean caused it, too.

LUKE

The place was trashed.

JESS

Dean trashed it, too.

LUKE

Are you trying to kill me?

JESS

Nope, it'll just be a perk.

LUKE

Okay, well, here's the deal. From now on, every cent that you make here goes toward paying them back.

JESS

Hey, what about -

LUKE

Dean's paying them back also.

JESS

How do you know?

LUKE

Because he was at Kyle's house when I got there.

JESS

You're kidding me.

LUKE

He had already worked out a financial agreement with the parents and was helping them put a fence back up.

JESS

Man, he's gonna make some woman a fine doormat someday.

LUKE

You are making good on this, Jess.

JESS

I have to get more coffee out of the store room.

LUKE

Every cent is getting paid back. I never want those people calling me again.

LUKE

Hey, you left your wallet! Hey!

LORELAI

Okay, here's the problem. Every single one of my skirts is either too long or too short for this season's acceptable lengths. Which means I either have to alter or shop.

RORY

To be or not to be.

LORELAI

Just wait 'til you hear what InStyle thinks of you, young lady. What time are you getting home tonight?

RORY

We have to go over the special graduation edition of the Franklin, and of course we're completely behind, partly because Paris can't let anything go to print unless she's proofed it a million times. Can you say crazy anal micromanager?

LORELAI

Not five times fast.

RORY

I'll be home by ten.

LORELAI

That's all I needed to know.

RORY

I forgot my notes.

LORELAI

I put them in your bedroom.

EMILY

Hello?

LORELAI

Hi, Mom.

EMILY

Lorelai?

LORELAI

Yup, it's me. So, how are you?

EMILY

I'm fine.

LORELAI

Good. How's Dad?

EMILY

He's fine.

LORELAI

Also good.

EMILY

May I speak with Rory please?

LORELAI

No, you can't speak with Rory.

EMILY

Why not?

LORELAI

Because I called you.

EMILY

So what?

LORELAI

You don't get to request a switch when a person calls you.

EMILY

I'm sure she's standing right there.

LORELAI

Not the point. If you wanna talk to Rory, you have to call. Then when I answer the phone, you can ask for Rory. But you didn't call, I called, so you cannot ask for Rory.

EMILY

What do you want, Lorelai?

LORELAI

I just wanted to see how you were. I haven't seen you for awhile.

EMILY

Your choice.

LORELAI

No, your choice, Mom.

EMILY

You're the one who called off Friday night dinners.

LORELAI

No, I'm the one who called off the obligation for Friday night dinners. You're the one who called off. . .ugh, you know what, I didn't call to argue.

EMILY

Fine, let's not argue.

LORELAI

Come on, Mom, this is silly. I mean, think back to before the whole Friday night dinner thing. We still had a relationship.

EMILY

You mean the one where I would trick you into calling me by leaving a message on your answering machine saying I had something important to tell you, but I wouldn't include the details so you had no choice but to call me.

LORELAI

Yes.

EMILY

And then when you did call, we'd talk about the weather, you'd ask about the DAR, and then you'd put Rory on the phone, even when she was too young to talk.

LORELAI

It was not always like that.

EMILY

It was always like that. Very well. The weather's fine, the DAR is staging a luncheon at the library next week. You already said I couldn't talk to Rory, so there, I think you've fulfilled your obligation.

LORELAI

Okay, Mom, fine. Have a nice day.

EMILY

Same to you.

LORELAI

It's for you!

RORY

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

PARIS

The issue is a disaster. It's our last issue of the Franklin and it's a complete disaster.

RORY

I'm sure it's not that bad.

PARIS

And that's why you won't need to Botox your frown lines on your nineteenth birthday. [to another student] Not that picture, no, put it down. Put it down now! [walks away]

RORY

How's it coming?

LOUISE

Very frustrating.

MADELINE

We just can't seem to get exactly the right combination.

LOUISE

All right. How about blue dress, blonde guy, black limo? Works best for me.

MADELINE

Yes, however, green dress, red-haired guy, white limo works best for me.

LOUISE

White limo with blonde guy totally doesn't work. It's too washed up.

RORY

I'm assuming this conversation veered off of the cover page placement?

MADELINE

How about black-haired guy, green dress and tan limo?

LOUISE

Tan limo?

MADELINE

Good neutral backdrop.

LOUISE

Well, this opens up a whole new set of options. Bring the golf team back in.

RORY

Okay, why don't I just get these pesky Franklin articles out of your way. There we go.

PARIS

What are you doing?

RORY

I am working on the front page placement.

PARIS

What are they doing?

RORY

Staying true to who they are.

LOUISE

Look, prom is once. It happens, it's photographed, and then it's there forever.

MADELINE

Planning is essential.

LOUISE

By the way, Paris, we left a space for you in the limo. However, we're gonna need the color of your dress.

MADELINE

And a picture of Jamie.

LOUISE

And the amount of flexibility that you have with the color of your dress.

MADELINE

And with Jamie.

PARIS

Thank you, but we've already made our plans for prom night. Jamie hired a private car to drive us to the prom. We'll go in, take the picture, depending on the level of lameness, dance. Then he's taking me to dinner at Antoine's, followed by a helicopter ride to join his parents out in Martha's Vineyard for the weekend.

MADELINE

What color's the helicopter?

PARIS

As you were. [to Rory] So, have you figured out your plans for prom night yet?

RORY

Oh, no, but Stars Hollow is a much more casual kind of a prom. Less Cinderella, more Footloose.

PARIS

Still a prom.

RORY

It is still a prom.

PARIS

I can't wait.

LORELAI

It's my own fault. I poked a slumbering bear with a stick. I reached out and initiated contact with Emily Gilmore. I get what I deserve.

SOOKIE

You're a bad girl.

LORELAI

You know what really stinks? They're having Rory over tonight for a movie night.

SOOKIE

Movie night? That's your thing with her.

LORELAI

Exactly. What's next? "Stay home and dance around in your underwear to the Monkees' greatest hits" night?

SOOKIE

I wouldn't put it past them to steal that, too.

LORELAI

What's going on?

LORELAI

Oh my God.

SOOKIE

Fran.

LORELAI

Poor thing.

SOOKIE

I don't believe it.

LORELAI

Such a great lady.

SOOKIE

Great lady.

LORELAI

Eighty-three on her last birthday. A good long life.

SOOKIE

We should all be so lucky.

LORELAI

I'm gonna miss her.

SOOKIE

Me, too. So. . .

LORELAI

Yeah?

SOOKIE

I guess this'll put that old inn of hers on the market.

LORELAI

Right, right. I mean, she wanted to keep it as long as she was alive, and now...

SOOKIE

Oh my God.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

You don't think that because we wanted the property so much, we killed Fran.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Through the power of our minds.

LORELAI

No, no, we wished for the property, not this!

SOOKIE

Yeah, but you never know with karma.

LORELAI

Look, we loved Fran, right?

SOOKIE

Yes, we did.

LORELAI

And whether or not we get the Dragonfly Inn has nothing to do with her dying right now.

SOOKIE

Right. . .sort of.

LORELAI

Besides, we don't know what's happening with the inn.

SOOKIE

Fran has no heirs.

LORELAI

You never know. Some long lost gold-toothed cousin could come out of the woodwork, inherit it and turn it into a beauty salon or law offices.

SOOKIE

Not our Dragonfly!

LORELAI

The point is, if we are meant to have the Dragonfly Inn, then we are meant to have it.

SOOKIE

Right. Like Doris Day.

LORELAI

Que sera.

SOOKIE

Sera.

LORELAI

Let's focus on Fran and how much we loved her. Not think about the inn at all.

SOOKIE

Okay.

LORELAI

You're thinking about it.

SOOKIE

Just about where to put the woodburning oven.

LORELAI

We'll put it in the apartment that we're sharing in hell.

SOOKIE

Let's buy flowers.

LORELAI

Yeah, lots and lots of flowers.

LANE

This is a really nice chair. Is it old?

MRS. KIM

Old enough.

LANE

Well, it's really nice. I mean, the back is very sturdy and the legs are all the same length and the wood looks like it was a tree at some point, which is good for wood, 'cause it was.

MRS. KIM

Could you get that please?

LANE

Yes, Mama.

LANE

What are you doing here?

DAVE

I'm here to see your mother.

LANE

What?

DAVE

Excuse me.

LANE

Dave, Dave, wait!

DAVE

Excuse me, Mrs. Kim, I need to speak with you.

MRS. KIM

I'm busy, David.

DAVE

A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.

DAVE

Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.

MRS. KIM

Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done.

DAVE

Okay, thank you.

DAVE

Did you hear what she said?

LANE

Yes, I did.

DAVE

What did it mean?

LANE

I don't know.

DAVE

Was it a yes, was it a no?

LANE

I'm not sure.

DAVE

Well, it's gotta be from the bible, right? So I'll just go home, do some research, look on the Internet, see what I can find. I'll call you when I know something.

LANE

Okay.

LANE

I'm so writing him a song tonight.

LUKE

Left your wallet in the diner. [tosses it to him]

JIMMY

Oh, wow, did I? Look at that. I guess I did. Thanks for bringing it back.

LUKE

No problem.

JIMMY

You know, I really like this driver's license picture, too, so you could imagine what a drag it would be to have to replace it.

LUKE

So what are you doing here, Jimmy?

JIMMY

Just passing through.

LUKE

Passing through from where?

JIMMY

California.

LUKE

California?

JIMMY

Yeah, I've been there for a few years now, seems to be working out.

LUKE

Well, glad to hear it.

JIMMY

Yeah.

LUKE

So what are you doing here, Jimmy?

JIMMY

Nothing, really, just. . .

LUKE

He hasn't missed you.

JIMMY

I'm sure that he hasn't.

LUKE

Never says a word about you.

JIMMY

I wouldn't expect he would.

LUKE

Do you know why he doesn't miss you, Jimmy? Because you're a loser and nobody missed a loser.

JIMMY

It's been seventeen years, Luke.

LUKE

Oh, you remember how long it's been. I am impressed.

JIMMY

Yeah, well, I always could count.

LUKE

And your list of attributes ends there.

JIMMY

Okay, so I guess we're not playing nice anymore.

LUKE

You know, the last time I saw you is right after Liz gave birth. You were gonna go out and buy some diapers and meet us back at the apartment. Remember that?

JIMMY

Yes.

LUKE

You went out, but you never came back.

JIMMY

A lot of time has passed and a lot of things have changed.

LUKE

Really, like what things? You?

JIMMY

Yes, me. Maybe. Why not?

LUKE

Oh, come on, you never called before. Why now? What do you want, you need money?

JIMMY

What?

LUKE

'Cause he doesn't have any.

JIMMY

I don't need money.

LUKE

I don't have any either.

JIMMY

I don't need money.

LUKE

So the look is a choice?

JIMMY

No, I just wanted to. . .I don't know, see him.

LUKE

Why now?

JIMMY

I don't know, I just thought it was time. You don't think it was time?

LUKE

You really want my opinion on this subject?

JIMMY

Luke, give me a break.

LUKE

Give you a break? I am trying to keep this kid from falling off the face of the Earth. I'm trying to get him through school. I'm trying to give him a future. And I gotta be totally honest with you, Jimmy - I am not doing too well.

JIMMY

No?

LUKE

No, and the last thing he needs is a special appearance by his father who can't be here for any good reason.

JIMMY

There's no evil plan here. I have a job, a life. I just thought I'd come and...

LUKE

What? Say hello, see if he looks like you? Then what?

JIMMY

Well. . .

LUKE

What?

JIMMY

I don't know!

LUKE

Okay, well, while you're figuring it out, let me plant this little thought in your head - you do or say anything to upset Jess and make it harder for me to keep him on the right path, I'm gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall, you can pick the wall, but it's gonna be a wall, okay?

JIMMY

I just wanted to see him.

LUKE

Well, you saw him. Now get outta here.

LORELAI

You know, Fran was one of the first people I met when we moved here.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

The first day here, I stopped in. . .

RORY

And asked her for directions to the inn.

LORELAI

Yeah. She was so sweet. And oh my God, she loved you. I didn't think she was gonna let me leave the bakery with you. She just kept giving you cookies in a shameless attempt to buy your affections away from me. And let me tell you, for a couple weeks, it worked. For two weeks, you just kept staring at me like, "You're the lady who took me away from the cookies. I'm gonna kill you."

RORY

Mom, can I just meet you at the church?

LORELAI

Why, what are you planning? Is it finally payback time?

RORY

I just need to stop in at Doose's and get something. Kleenex, we'll need Kleenex.

LORELAI

Aw, I'll come with you.

RORY

Um, well. . .

LORELAI

Aw, Patty. . .

MISS PATTY

Now it all starts.

LORELAI

What all starts, honey?

MISS PATTY

First Fran, then the rest of us.

LORELAI

Aw, Patty, it's not the plague. It was just her time.

MISS PATTY

I can't go.

LORELAI

Yes, you can. Come on.

MISS PATTY

No, just leave me.

LORELAI

I'm gonna get her to the church.

RORY

I'll meet you there. [walks away]

LORELAI

Come on, let's go.

MISS PATTY

You know, it's times like these that you realize what is truly important in your life. I'm so glad I had all that sex.

LORELAI

Hurry, honey.

JESS

What are you looking at? [goes upstairs]

TAYLOR

Thank you for coming, the grand opening has been postponed. Thank you for coming, the grand opening has been postponed. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming, the grand opening has been postponed. Thank you for coming, the grand opening has been postponed. Thank you for coming, the grand opening has been postponed.

PRIEST

Welcome all. The large number of people here today is a testament to how much Fran Weston has touched each and every one of us. We'd like to start by inviting Marjorie Rogers, Fran's close friend, to share a few words with us.

MARJORIE

In 1955, Fran opened Weston's Bakery. Back then, she was the new kid on the block, and soon thereafter, she hired me, a mother of three rugrats and a husband overseas, and we became best friends. Still are.

LORELAI

That's so sweet.

SOOKIE

You think we'll still be friends when we're dead?

LORELAI

I will if you will.

MARJORIE

Fran was and is Stars Hollow. And to ensure that her love and spirit continue, Weston's Bakery will remain open and run by those who have Fran's heart in their hearts.

MARJORIE

Of course, Fran's family has been here long before even Fran. They opened the Dragonfly Inn back in 1893. The Dragonfly Inn was once regarded as the Violet Lady, the premiere inn in all of. . .[the microphone goes out].

LORELAI

What'd she say?

SOOKIE

I heard "premiere inn" then squat.

LORELAI

Is she still talking about the inn?

SOOKIE

I don't know.

KIRK

Shh!

MARJORIE

Inn. . .ortant role. . .ing. . .it's special. . .all who. . .

LORELAI

She said "inn."

SOOKIE

And "ortant" and "ing."

MARJORIE

. . .set. . .World War. . .

SOOKIE

She said World War.

LORELAI

One or two? Where are we, where are we?

MARJORIE

. . .Fran. . .

SOOKIE

She's pointing to somebody.

LORELAI

Yeah, it's a man in a suit.

SOOKIE

Does he have a gold tooth?

LORELAI

I don't know.

RORY

You guys, people are turning.

MARJORIE

. . .to you all. [leaves the podium]

SOOKIE

Did she say who gets the inn?

LORELAI

I don't know.

PRIEST

Uh, thank you, Marjorie. And now, I'd like to point out that the time is twelve p.m., the time Fran would normally be opening her doors on Sunday after church, welcoming us to join her in friendship at Weston's Bakery. So, if we may at this time all bow our heads for a minute of silence to mark the passing of the soul and our dear departed friend.

TAYLOR

No, no, the grand opening is canceled! Sorry, folks. [runs outside to stop the band] Stop, it is canceled. . .canceled!

PRIEST

As we close, I'd like to honor a special request Fran had, and that is to take one final stroll around the Town Square before going to her final resting place. All those who would like to participate, please assemble outside.

MRS. KIM

[to Lane] Walking with dead people not my thing. Let's go.

RORY

Where's Sookie?

LORELAI

Just giving our condolences.

RORY

And asking what you missed when the mike cut out?

LORELAI

And giving our condolences.

SOOKIE

The man in the suit's name is Brink. He's a lawyer and he's here to get Fran's affairs in order.

LORELAI

Do you think we can talk to him?

SOOKIE

Yes, but Lorelai, you have to get back to the inn and I've got those B&Bers waiting at my home to learn how to make jam.

LORELAI

Okay, well, let's get him now.

SOOKIE

I think our window of opportunity just slammed shut.

LORELAI

Great.

SOOKIE

Now what?

LORELAI

We very respectfully hover in his vicinity until the walk is over. . .

SOOKIE

Then we will politely ask him to get in touch with us.

LORELAI

Yes. Coming?

RORY

No, you guys go ahead. I'll be in the back of the line so that when the earth opens up and swallows you whole, I'll be here to tell a story.

LORELAI

Okay.

DEAN

Hey, Rory.

RORY

Oh, hey. You were in there?

DEAN

Yeah. I got here late so I kind of just hung in the back.

RORY

It was nice of you to come.

DEAN

Well, she was a nice lady.

RORY

Yeah, she was.

DEAN

Listen, uh, can I talk to you for a sec? We'll catch up, I promise.

RORY

Sure.

DEAN

Good. Okay, um. . .

RORY

What?

DEAN

Come on.

RORY

Dean, what are you doing?

DEAN

Okay. Uh, are you ready?

RORY

Yes, I'm ready.

DEAN

I asked Lindsay to marry me.

RORY

You. . .you. . .

DEAN

And she said yes.

RORY

She. . .she.. .

DEAN

So what do you think?

RORY

I... I...

DEAN

I know, who woulda thought? I mean, it's weird, but Lindsay's amazing and I asked and she said yes, so. . .I'm getting married. Say something.

RORY

Why?

DEAN

What?

RORY

No, I don't mean why, I mean, why now?

DEAN

Why not now?

RORY

Well, you're eighteen, first of all.

DEAN

So?

RORY

So, you're young. I mean, you haven't even gone to college yet. Oh my God, you are still going to college, aren't you?

DEAN

Yes, Rory, I'm still going to college.

RORY

Well, how. . .

DEAN

Lindsay's gonna go with me.

RORY

But Dean, you're going to be studying and taking classes, you need to focus on that. I mean, you don't even know what you wanna do yet. And you guys haven't even been going out for that long. I mean, why don't you just date for awhile? Dating's fun.

DEAN

Thank you.

RORY

For what?

DEAN

For your deep heartfelt congratulations.

RORY

You just. . .you took me by surprise.

DEAN

So what? It's good news, you can't just be happy for me?

RORY

I can. I am. I just. . .

DEAN

You know what, I'm sorry if you have a crappy relationship with Jess.

RORY

Hey, that has -

DEAN

And I'm sorry if he treats you like dirt and everyone hates him, but that was your choice. I have a great girlfriend and I am really happy, and when you dumped me for that jackass, I thought I'd never be happy again.

RORY

Jess does not treat me like dirt.

DEAN

Whatever. I just wanted you to hear it from me before it got out. Now you know, so, um, have a nice life. [walks away]

RORY

Jess does not treat me like dirt!

LANE

Mama, do you need any help?

MRS. KIM

No, thank you.

LANE

I could get out the soy scones.

MRS. KIM

If you like.

LANE

Tofutter?

MRS. KIM

Fine.

LANE

Mama, I'm really sorry about the other night. I did everything wrong, everything you taught me not to do. I lied to you, I let you down. I never intended to do that and I don't know how to fix it, but I'm going to try my hardest because I am so, so sorry. I'll be upstairs if you need me. I'm gonna go in my room, gonna iron my dress for church and I'm gonna think about what I've done.

DAVE

I stayed up all night. I read the entire bible cover to cover. I don't know what it means.

MRS. KIM

David.

DAVE

You have to tell me what it means. Is it yes, is it no? I can't feel my right elbow anymore. I don't even know why, but I can't.

MRS. KIM

David.

DAVE

Please, just tell me. I'm so tired.

MRS. KIM

It's not from the bible.

DAVE

What?

MRS. KIM

It's Shakespeare, Henry VI. I like to goof off now and then, too, you know.

DAVE

Shakespeare.

MRS. KIM

That is a very difficult this to do, reading the bible in one night. I myself have only done it three times. You need great determination and excellent light. I'm very impressed. All right.

DAVE

All right what?

MRS. KIM

You can go to the prom, but you cannot get married.

DAVE

That seems fair to me.

LANE

And me! The person who is going upstairs to think about what she's done.

MRS. KIM

Lane is grounded until the prom and for two months after. You may call her on the phone every other day for ten minutes and that is all. Understand?

DAVE

Yes, ma'am. Thank you, Mrs. Kim.

MRS. KIM

Lane!

LANE

Thinking about what I've done!

LORELAI

So apparently we're all supposed to walk like Fran.

SOOKIE

It's almost four.

LORELAI

Okay, I've gotta take some initiative here.

SOOKIE

What are you doing?

LORELAI

Just focus on the ground and look lost in grief.

LORELAI

It was a nice service.

LAWYER

Yes.

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

And this is a really nice idea, the walk around the square.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, a great idea. I may steal it when I die. You know, ask them to walk me around a benefit counter. Might freak out the makeover girls, but it's -

SOOKIE

It's nice.

LORELAI

Really nice. So listen, my name is Lorelai Gilmore and this is Sookie St. James.

SOOKIE

Hi.

LORELAI

I know this isn't exactly the best time for this, but we were wondering if you had any idea what's going to happen with the Dragonfly.

SOOKIE

Because we want it!

LORELAI

Sookie and I actually talked to Fran about buying it once.

SOOKIE

We work in the Independence Inn now.

LAWYER

The one that burned down?

LORELAI

Yes, but that was just an accident. It was a bad wire.

SOOKIE

A bad, bad wire.

LORELAI

It could've happened to anyone and should in no way reflect our inn-running abilities.

LAWYER

Yes, well, do you think we could discuss this a little later? This is a little heavy and I sort of need to focus.

LORELAI

Oh, let me help you here. [grabs onto the casket] Ooh, wow, for a little woman. . .Sookie, will you just. . .

SOOKIE

Oh, right. [helps carry the casket]

LORELAI

Anyway, we were just wondering, did she leave the Dragonfly to anyone?

LAWYER

No, she didn't.

LORELAI

Oh, okay. And do you know what the family wants to do with it?

LAWYER

We haven't talked in depth about it, but I'm pretty sure they're gonna sell it.

LORELAI

Well, we would really like to buy it.

SOOKIE

And keep it as an inn.

LORELAI

Yes, a wonderful inn.

SOOKIE

Dedicated to Fran.

LORELAI

Yes, but keep it the Dragonfly.

SOOKIE

And we promise not to burn it down.

LORELAI

Oh, yes, that's right. Hey, we could put that in the agreement. Ow. . .

LAWYER

Uh, here, why don't you...

LORELAI

Thank you. Anyway, what do you say?

LAWYER

Well. . .

KIRK

Excuse me, but you're blocking her view.

LORELAI

Oh, sorry Kirk, sorry. So you were saying?

LAWYER

I'll tell you what, you contact me on Monday and we can discuss this. As far as I'm concerned, if the check clears, it's all yours.

LORELAI

It's all ours.

SOOKIE

It's all ours.

JESS

We're closed. Learn to read. You're the loser coffee guy.

JIMMY

Well, not as cool as Bono, but I'll take it.

JESS

We're -

JIMMY

Closed. Yeah, I heard.

JESS

Okay, so we're still -

JIMMY

I'm your father.

JESS

- closed. What?

JIMMY

I'm your. . .

JESS

Are you sure?

JIMMY

Am I. . .yes, I'm sure. I didn't mean to spring this on you. I thought Luke would've told you that I -

JESS

Luke would've told me?

JIMMY

Well, yeah, he came to see me last night. He didn't tell you. That's obvious because you're still doing the staring with the frown and. . .you look different.

JESS

You want some coffee?

JIMMY

Sure. Thanks.

JESS

It's old.

JIMMY

Okay.

JIMMY

I gotta go.

LORELAI

I was negotiating at a funeral.

RORY

I saw.

LORELAI

Which might've been the most inappropriate thing to happen today until that gnat flew into Kirk's mouth and he freaked and dropped the casket.

RORY

It was a nice save.

LORELAI

I'm feeling so weird. I'm completely sad about Fran, but the inn. . .it's really gonna happen.

RORY

Yeah, seems like it.

LORELAI

Hey, come here.

LORELAI

That one would look great on you.

RORY

Oh, I don't know.

LORELAI

We should come back tomorrow and try it on.

RORY

Maybe.

LORELAI

Hey, prom's coming up, kid. We need to get you a dress. Unless you want me to make you one.

RORY

No, that's okay.

LORELAI

Maybe we could hit the mall tomorrow after school. I could meet you in Hartford and we could go to a fancy store where they'll follow us around like we're thieves.

RORY

I don't wanna talk about dresses anymore.

LORELAI

We've only been talking about dresses for two minutes.

RORY

Well, it feels like longer.

LORELAI

Rory.

RORY

And I don't know if I even need a dress, okay, 'cause I don't even know if I'm going to the prom.

LORELAI

I thought Jess agreed.

RORY

Well, that was before.

LORELAI

Before what?

RORY

Before the party, before the fight, before the thing in Kyle's bedroom.

LORELAI

Okay, come with me.

LORELAI

Okay, we left off with the thing in Kyle's bedroom.

RORY

I don't understand. One minute he's happy, then he's not. And he doesn't tell me anything ever. I mean, you're supposed to tell your girlfriend things. That's the whole point of having a girlfriend, isn't it?

LORELAI

Yes, it is. Now, Kyle's bedroom, what happened there?

RORY

And I'm so tired of fighting. Or not even fighting because he won't fight. He just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I do.

LORELAI

Like what you do where, in Kyle's bedroom?

RORY

I don't wanna feel like this, I don't wanna sit around wondering when we're going to talk, if he's mad, why he's mad. I hate this. I really, really -

LORELAI

Honey, you gotta tell Mommy what happened in Kyle's bedroom!

RORY

Jess was upset and I went to look for him and we were kissing and then it seemed like he wanted to. . .

LORELAI

Did you?

RORY

No, I didn't. And then he got all weird like he was mad at me.

LORELAI

Hey, if he was mad at you because you wouldn't have sex with him, then he's a jerk.

RORY

I know that, but I don't even know if that's why he's mad at me. I don't know if he's mad at me. I don't know anything because he won't talk. He just sulks then disappears, and just when you're through with him, he shows up at hockey games with Distiller tickets.

LORELAI

Distiller tickets? What Distiller tickets?

RORY

Oh, that's right, you don't know about that because I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed because I didn't wanna be that girl and you don't want me to be that girl, but after the hockey game, I was that girl.

LORELAI

What girl? Help me, drag me along, honey.

RORY

The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her mom about it.

LORELAI

Okay, you need a breath here.

RORY

Something's going on with him and it's been going on for awhile.

LORELAI

You can't make him talk, Rory. He has to want to.

RORY

But why doesn't he want to?

LORELAI

Because it's probably hard for him.

LORELAI

Hey, we're not leaving. We're gonna live in this car and we're gonna die in this car, so find another frickin' spot. [to Rory] Honey. . .

RORY

I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm just. . .tired.

LORELAI

Okay. So. . .

RORY

Nothing happened.

LORELAI

Okay.

LUKE

Hey. You hungry? I can make us some eggs.

JESS

So I hear you went to see my father last night.

LUKE

Yeah, I did.

JESS

Were you gonna tell me?

LUKE

He came by?

JESS

He came by.

LUKE

I didn't think he'd have the guts.

JESS

So what were you thinking?

LUKE

Jess, I don't like your father very much.

JESS

So because you don't like him, that means I can't know he's here?

LUKE

You know he's here.

JESS

No thanks to you.

LUKE

Shouldn't have come from me in the first place.

JESS

So what, you don't think you owed it to me to tell me, prepare me?

LUKE

No, Jess, I didn't. With everything that's going on here with you, I kinda hoped he'd just walk away, but. . .once again, Jimmy makes the wrong move. What a shock.

JESS

Oh, who the hell are you to decide what the right move is?

LUKE

I'm the one who's saving your ass constantly. I'm the one who just wrote a check to Kyle's father so he wouldn't press charges against you. I'm the one trying to knock some sense into that thick head of yours about the future.

JESS

Oh, here we go.

LUKE

You don't take anything seriously. That's why you're doing so crappy in school. You're smart enough, you read more than anyone I've ever seen. There's no reason why you should be barely graduating.

JESS

I'm not.

LUKE

You're not what?

JESS

I'm not graduating.

LUKE

Yes, you are.

JESS

No, I'm not.

LUKE

Yes, you are.

JESS

No, I'm not.

LUKE

Yes, you are, because we had an agreement that if you were gonna live here, you were gonna go to school and you were gonna graduate.

JESS

Well, I didn't and I'm not.

LUKE

What is wrong with you? What, did you do this just to spite me?

JESS

Look, forget it, it's done.

LUKE

What's your life now? Wal-Mart full time, that's your great future? Gonna take the plunge and buy yourself a second blue vest?

JESS

Maybe, why not? What's wrong with it? I mean, it's no diner.

LUKE

Hey, I own this business, kid! I built it, this is mine! I'm not at the mercy of some boss waiting and hoping to be chosen employee of the month for a couple extra hundred bucks and a plaque. I'm always employee of the month. I'm employee of the year, of the century, of the universe. You should be so lucky to have a job like mine. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna live here one more year, you're gonna quit you job, you're gonna take twelfth grade over again, and you will graduate.

JESS

No.

LUKE

I'm not playing with you here, Jess. You quit your job, you go to school.

JESS

I am not going back to school!

LUKE

So that's it?

JESS

Yeah, that's it.

LUKE

Then you gotta go.

RORY

I thought I smelled coffee.

LORELAI

Good morning your highness. I trust you slept well.

RORY

And to what do I owe this lovely display of domesticity?

LORELAI

Well, being brilliant and all, I figured you would probably still not be in the mood to go to Luke's this morning, so I thought we'd have a nice little breakfast here.

RORY

Wow, okay. Hey.

LORELAI

Good?

RORY

These are from Luke's.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

You got up this morning, went to Luke's and brought this back.

LORELAI

Well, I sure as hell am not gonna cook.

RORY

They're good, thank you.

LORELAI

Put 'em on a plate just the way you like 'em.

RORY

Well, there it is.

LORELAI

[reads] "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Lister announce the engagement of their daughter Lindsay Ann to Dean Forrester, son of Randy and Barbara Forrester." My God, they're a good looking couple. If their kids can sing there's no stopping 'em.

RORY

I still don't understand why they need to get married.

LORELAI

Maybe they have to get married before he grows so tall she won't be able to talk to him anymore.

RORY

I really do want him to be happy.

LORELAI

I know. You're good in that department.

RORY

Some people get married young and everything turns out fine.

LORELAI

Absolutely.

RORY

That'd be nice.

LORELAI

Well, we'll keep a good thought.

RORY

Hey, here's a picture of Kirk pinned by the casket.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

RORY

Man, it's bad enough this had to happen, but his pants splitting on top of it?

LORELAI

Yeah. I hope he never takes too close a look at his life.

RORY

Amen. So this goes on the fridge, right?

LORELAI

Yeah, absolutely.

RORY

Good.

RORY

Hey.

JESS

Hey.

RORY

Can I sit?

JESS

Uh, sure, sit. I thought you took an earlier bus.

RORY

My first class got canceled today.

JESS

Oh. So what's been going on?

RORY

Nothing much. Fran died.

JESS

I heard.

RORY

I went to her funeral yesterday.

JESS

Luke went, too.

RORY

I saw him there.

JESS

Yeah?

RORY

He was in the back.

JESS

I can't go to the prom. I couldn't get tickets.

RORY

Oh.

JESS

Sorry.

RORY

This is my stop.

JESS

Okay.

RORY

So, you'll call me?

JESS

Yeah, I'll call you.