T4E5: “The Fundamental Things Apply”

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Hi.

RORY

What are you doing?

LORELAI

Well, I'm gardening.

RORY

What are you doing?

LORELAI

I'm gardening.

RORY

What are you doing?

LORELAI

Why don't you come over here and see, honey, since you seem so confused?

RORY

Oh, my God. You are gardening.

LORELAI

Yeah. Hello. I am gardening.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

Because Babette bought me a bag of bulbs.

RORY

Why would she do that?

LORELAI

She thought that cultivating new life would help distract me from my current emptiness and sense of loss.

RORY

Huh. Well, that's weirdly sweet of her.

LORELAI

Yes, it was. Anyhow, I forgot about the bulbs 'til Babette brought them up this morning, so I dug them out of the garage.

RORY

Ew!

LORELAI

Where they've developed some sort of mold.

RORY

This is the planet of the mold.

LORELAI

Help me.

RORY

Mom, I'm no botanist, but I don't think anything's gonna grow from this piece of tar.

LORELAI

Just put it in the hole and cover it up.

RORY

Why didn't you just throw them out?

LORELAI

There are eyes everywhere, my dear.

BABETTE

[calls from her front porch] Hey, doll, how you doing?

LORELAI

Great, Babette. Just tending my bulbs.

BABETTE

Makes you feel better, doesn't it?

LORELAI

Absolutely - much better.

BABETTE

You need any help?

LORELAI

Oh, no. I got Rory helping me.

RORY

Hi, Babette.

BABETTE

Hi, sugar. Don't worry, I'm looking out for your mom.

RORY

I'm glad to hear that.

BABETTE

Oh, and just you wait 'til spring. You're gonna wake up one morning, walk out, and pow - color coming out of your yin-yang! I'll see you girls tomorrow. [goes into her house]

LORELAI

I'm going to have color coming out of my yin-yang.

RORY

Well, then maybe you'll finally get a man. This has got to be the grossest thing ever.

LORELAI

Forget about the bulbs. Let's talk about something else. How's school?

RORY

School's fine. It's hard but good. Tanna's fine. Janet and Paris are fighting because Janet gets up at 5:30 to go jogging, wakes Paris up, and then the resulting argument wakes everybody up, and - oh! [screams and tosses a dirty bulb at Lorelai]

LORELAI

[screams] Oh, my God! You bulbed me! You bulbed me!

RORY

I was aiming over there.

LORELAI

Oh, it got my hand! It got my hand!

RORY

Shake it off. Shake it off.

LORELAI

Oh, it won't go! It won't go!

RORY

Aah! You wiped it on my shirt.

LORELAI

It was a reflex.

RORY

To ruin my shirt?

LORELAI

I'm sorry.

RORY

You never liked this shirt.

LORELAI

It's not that. It's just that -

RORY

Aah! There's something crawling up my leg!

LORELAI

Oh no, oh no! I got it, I got it.

RORY

There's something crawling up my leg!

LORELAI

I got it, I got it! Ew! It's big! Ew!

RORY

Okay, so the next time that Babette gives you a bag of bulbs to plant because you're lonely, you say...

LORELAI

No, thank you.

RORY

Class dismissed.

PARIS

[overheard from common room] You could at least open a window.

JANET

Why?

PARIS

Because it smells like a locker room in here!

JANET

Tough luck!

PARIS

Fine!

RORY

Did the alarm go off?

PARIS

I shut it off. Who needs an alarm when you've got Workout Barbie around? Never mind that some of us were up finishing a chem lab 'til 2:30 in the morning! I for one love waking up at five a.m. to the sound of someone grunting out crunches in the common room!

RORY

I told you - earplugs.

PARIS

You know, she talks to herself when she stretches. "Come on, Janet. Push it, Janet. Love the pain, Janet." It's pornographic.

RORY

What time is it?

PARIS

I know what she's doing. It's psychological warfare. Don't let your enemy sleep. Push him 'til he cracks. Charlie tried the same tricks on our boys at Khe Sanh, and let me tell you, if she keeps this up, I am not gonna be responsible for what happens.

RORY

Oh, my God! Paris, breakfast is over in five minutes!

PARIS

I know. It's Tuesday, too. That's waffle bar day.

RORY

Why didn't you wake me?

PARIS

Oh, sure, blame me. I'm the victim here, remember?

RORY

Excuse me, excuse me. Can I... [she grabs the last waffle from a tray before the kitchen worker throws it out] Yes, thank you.

MARTY

Rory.

RORY

Marty.

MARTY

You remembered.

RORY

Well, I wasn't the one passed out in the hallway, so I had a better shot.

MARTY

True, very true. So, I see you're a little late for breakfast.

RORY

Yeah. My alarm was turned off.

MARTY

Well, hey, you want some eggs or something? I always take enough for ten. I blame my brother. He always took the biggest piece of chicken.

RORY

And left you none?

MARTY

No, there was plenty more. I just really wanted that big piece.

RORY

Oh. Well -

MARTY

Hey, I want you to meet The Breakfast Crew.

RORY

Oh, well, I'm kind of -

MARTY

Well, we all just started eating breakfast together every morning, so someone came up with the name The Breakfast Crew. I mean, it's not like an official club or anything. There's no hats. At least not until we can all agree on a color. Uh, excuse me, guys. I want you all to meet Rory.

GUY 1

Who?

MARTY

The robe.

GUY 1

Oh, the robe. Nice to meet you.

MARTY

I told them about your act of kindness.

RORY

Oh, it was nothing, really.

GUY 1

I wouldn't say that. That was one nice robe.

GUY 2

We all took turns trying it on.

MARTY

Uh, not true. Ignore him. I'm sorry I haven't gotten it back to you yet.

RORY

Oh, it's okay.

GUY 3

Nice bunny shoes.

RORY

Thank you. Uh, well, it was nice meeting you all. I actually have to go, so - [walks away]

MARTY

[follows her] I embarrassed you.

RORY

It's fine.

MARTY

I'm sorry. I was just so relieved that I could finally approach you.

RORY

Why couldn't you approach me?

MARTY

Well, that night was really humiliating, so every time I saw you after that, I just hid. But then when I saw you show up this morning like that, I thought, here's my chance to even the playing field.

RORY

Marty, this is not as embarrassing as being totally naked.

MARTY

No, it's not. But it's close

RORY

Um, well, consider the playing field leveled.

MARTY

Good. Uh, see ya, Rory.

RORY

See ya, Marty.

LORELAI

[on phone] Exactly, yes, that's just the kind of thing we're looking for. Well, I'm so glad to hear that because the last three designers we met with had very different philosophies. Uh-huh. No, I didn't know you did the Silver Thatch Inn. Oh, that was so beautiful. Yeah. Okay. Well, why don't we, uh, meet, uh, Friday, say, around two o'clock? Okay. Luke's Diner. It's right in the middle of the town square. You can't miss it. Just follow the love. Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye. [hangs up]

LUKE

What was that?

LORELAI

I was taking it outside.

LUKE

Three people came in while you held the door open.

LORELAI

You're exaggerating.

LUKE

Why can't you respect the rules of my diner?

LORELAI

I do respect the rules of your diner. It's that baseball cap I have issues with.

LORELAI

Hi.

MICHEL

Hey. All right, I've done extensive research, checked references, and prescreened three other designers for you. Here are their names.

LORELAI

Well, hopefully I won't need these. I think I just found a new designer for the inn.

MICHEL

Well, good. I love doing research just for the sake of doing research. I live to grow. Are you still buying me lunch?

LORELAI

I'd be happy to buy you lunch, but I should probably take you somewhere else.

LUKE

Why should you take him somewhere else?

LORELAI

Because, Kook Danes, Michel eats a very specific diet.

MICHEL

Normally, yes, that's true. However, every six months I give myself a crazy day where I can eat anything I want, and today's crazy day. Talk to me about your chocolate cake.

LUKE

What do you want to know?

MICHEL

Is it Mexican?

LUKE

Is what Mexican?

MICHEL

The chocolate.

LUKE

How would I know?

MICHEL

It would say so on the wrapper. You could go look. I'll wait.

LUKE

Take him somewhere else.

MICHEL

Oh, just bring me a doughnut, but put some sprinkles on it, okay?

LORELAI

[answers] Hello?

EMILY

Do you know what one of life's great mysteries is?

LORELAI

Uh, Mom...

EMILY

Whether or not you're going to be joining us for Friday night dinner.

LORELAI

Uh huh.

EMILY

And since you pretend to be ignorant of the concept of the RSVP even though I know it was taught to you as a child, I am reduced to calling and asking you, are you coming?

LORELAI

Uh huh.

EMILY

Is that "uh huh, yes, I'm coming" or "uh huh, I was reading while you were talking"?

LORELAI

Um, tell you what, Mom - plan on me coming, and if I don't, then it'll just be a little more for everyone else.

EMILY

Lorelai, you know very well our dinners do not work like that. There is careful planning and shopping and preparation that goes into every meal no matter how boring and simple it may seem to you.

LORELAI

Oh, Mom -

LUKE

Hey, what... get off that phone!

LORELAI

Oh, shoot, Mom, there's no cell phones in here. I'll call you back later. Bye. [hangs up] And when I need you - nowhere.

HEATHER

It's obvious Hemingway is just using Jake's impotence to indict a society which exploited its underclass to fight in the trenches of the first World War.

PROFESSOR

Interesting theory, Heather. What does everyone else think?

RORY

I don't know. I mean, isn't Jake's impotence more about that generation's loss of faith in love?

HEATHER

Ugh, please. That grossly ignores the social context.

TREVOR

Rory's right. The book's about a guy who can't sleep with the woman he loves. It's not some Woody Guthrie song.

HEATHER

But -

PROFERSSOR

Okay, hold that thought, Heather. We're out of time. Okay, everyone, we'll continue this Thursday. I'll see you all then.

RORY

Thanks for the save.

TREVOR

No problem. Heather can get a little "workers of the world, unite" sometimes.

RORY

Yeah, I've never actually met someone who likes the word bourgeois so much.

TREVOR

So, what are you up to this weekend?

RORY

Oh, studying. Sleep, hopefully. A rarity in my dorm room.

TREVOR

Yeah? Do you eat?

RORY

Habitually.

TREVOR

Ever been to Pancia di Lucca? I hear it's good.

RORY

Uh, no, I haven't.

TREVOR

Well, I was thinking of going there this weekend.

RORY

Oh, cool. Tell me how it is.

TREVOR

Okay, I will. Or, hey, you could come with me.

RORY

I can't this Saturday, but if it's good, maybe another time, okay?

TREVOR

Sure, okay. So, see you next week.

RORY

Bye, Trevor.

LORELAI

Hey, what are you doing home?

RORY

Well, it seems that if you leave your laundry in the machine for even two minutes after it stops, some incredibly impatient person will come and take your nice clean clothes out and dump them.

LORELAI

Where?

RORY

Anywhere. The floor, the top of another dirty washing machine. My Belle and Sebastian t-shirt was in the garbage. So now, on top of a massive amount of reading and studying, I get to rewash my formerly perfect clean clothes.

LORELAI

Well, that's just wrong. I think you should quit school in protest.

RORY

Okay, if you say so.

LORELAI

Oh, no, wait. That's not ours.

RORY

What do you mean it's not ours? Who's it for?

LANE

I've got five minutes. Where's the pizza?

LORELAI

Uh, there.

LANE

Thanks. Hi, Rory.

RORY

Hey, Lane.

LANE

My mom ordered all the okra in the Western Hemisphere. She got a great deal and I'm starving to death.

RORY

Swallow.

LANE

Between Seventh Day Adventist college and my mom's new fascination with ordering on the internet, my future looks very grim.

RORY

You want a Coke?

LANE

No, no time for liquids. I have to be home for dinner in four minutes. Another piece, please? Okay, great. Okay, this is good. You all look good. Things are good?

RORY

Things are -

LANE

Okay, gotta go. Thanks for the grub. [leaves]

LORELAI

She is so throwing up on the way home.

RORY

I'm gonna go put this stuff in the washer.

LORELAI

Wait, wait, have some pizza and tell Mama all about your day.

RORY

Okay. Oh, yesterday Janet woke up to find that Paris had chaired her in her room.

LORELAI

Oh, nice.

RORY

And then, later, when Janet had climbed out the window, she retaliated by gluing shut the opening of Paris' glue gun.

LORELAI

Wow, she went for the crafts.

RORY

This war is getting totally out of hand. This morning Paris turned off my alarm because Janet woke her up. I almost missed breakfast. I ran down to the dining hall in my pajamas and bunny slippers, and of course I ran into Marty.

LORELAI

Naked guy.

RORY

It was totally humiliating.

LORELAI

Humiliating 'cause naked guy's hot?

RORY

It was humiliating because I had terrycloth rabbits on my feet.

LORELAI

So naked guy's not hot?

RORY

Naked guy is Marty, and it's not like that. He's sweet.

LORELAI

Ah. Sweet means bad butt.

RORY

Sweet does not mean bad butt. Sweet means sweet.

LORELAI

Poor naked guy. He should've left his clothes on.

RORY

Okay, you have got to stop talking about naked guy. I just met Marty.

LORELAI

All right. If not him, are there any other guys on the horizon?

RORY

Nope.

LORELAI

No? How about a professor - someone older, wiser, with brown cords and whiskey breath?

RORY

Oh, well, yeah. There's one of those.

LORELAI

Come on, Rory.

RORY

Well, this guy asked me to go try this restaurant this weekend, but it was a totally casual thing.

LORELAI

So what'd you tell him?

RORY

That I was busy.

LORELAI

You don't like him?

RORY

No, I like him fine. I mean, he's smart, and he takes my side in the debates, and he's decent to look at.

LORELAI

So, why'd you say no? Too many clothes?

RORY

I don't know. He... he carries a bottle of water around with him all the time. That's just weird.

LORELAI

Right. Hydration. Very creepy.

RORY

And he's preppy, and I don't really like preppy. Plus, he's gonna go study in Barcelona next year.

LORELAI

So?

RORY

So it's a waste of time. It can't go anywhere.

LORELAI

It could go to dinner, maybe a movie.

RORY

Mom...

LORELAI

No, look, Rory, I know you've never really dated.

RORY

What are you talking about? I've dated.

LORELAI

Who did you date?

RORY

Dean.

LORELAI

You and Dean did not date. You had a relationship.

RORY

Well, Jess.

LORELAI

Was relationship number two.

RORY

So maybe I've never dated, but you haven't either.

LORELAI

I have dated at least once.

RORY

Mmhmm. You had me with dad - relationship.

LORELAI

Yes, but -

RORY

Max - relationship. Dad again - relationship.

LORELAI

Okay, fine, I may not be the world's best dater, but I do it and you should give it a shot. I mean, you're in college now. What else is there to do in college but date?

RORY

I'm gonna go wash my clothes now.

LORELAI

Wait. Was that it? Is this conversation over? Sorry, did I win?

NATALIE

Okay, here, I wanted to show you this.

LORELAI

Castles of Ireland?

NATALIE

There is a room in here that I've always wanted to do. Here it is.

LORELAI

Oh, I love that. What is that wall treatment?

NATALIE

That's anaglypta wallpaper.

LUKE

What are you doing?

LORELAI

I'm looking at anaglypta wallpaper.

LUKE

And the other three tables are here for support?

LORELAI

Well, we just had a lot of books to go through. Uh, Luke, this is Natalie Zimmerman. Natalie's gonna help us design the Dragonfly.

NATALIE

Nice to meet you.

LORELAI

Did I tell you we're gonna have horses?

NATALIE

The property already has stables, so why not?

LORELAI

I love horses. I've always loved horses ever since I was a little girl, and now I finally have a grown-up excuse to buy a pony.

LUKE

Great. Listen, National Velvet, you have to move this stuff out of here.

LORELAI

Why?

LUKE

Because this is a diner. People wanna sit.

LORELAI

This is business.

LUKE

No, this is business, and it's open, and it's decorated, and it wants its seats back.

LORELAI

Fine. Sorry about that. He's trying to steal the "World's Grumpiest Diner Guy" title from Mel.

NATALIE

No problem.

LORELAI

So you were telling me about anaglypta wallpaper?

NATALIE

Yes, it's a textured paper that we can paint or treat. We can even distress it if you want to give it a more, you know, vintage-y look.

LORELAI

Hm, that sounds interesting.

NATALIE

You know, Emily actually has some in the smaller upstairs guest bath. You should take a look at it the next time you're there.

LORELAI

Um, Emily? You mean like my mother, Emily?

NATALIE

Yes.

LORELAI

I didn't know you knew Emily.

NATALIE

Oh, yeah. I did her second-floor remodel about a year ago. I thought that's how you got my name.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I, uh, got your name from a magazine. So you know Emily?

NATALIE

It's a small world, isn't it?

LORELAI

Yes, yes, really small. About the same square footage as that box they threw McCain in.

NATALIE

So, are you ready to see bedrooms?

LORELAI

Yes, sure. Why not?

PROFESSOR

Next week we finish up with "Snows of Kilimanjaro", then it is Hemingway's pal Scott Fitzgerald, so do yourselves a favor - get a jump on "Tender is the Night."

RORY

Wow. Good session today, huh?

TREVOR

It was fine.

RORY

I can't believe we sit around and talk about books and get graded on it. I mean, there's almost nothing I like more than talking about a good book or a bad book or a really thick magazine.

TREVOR

Mmhmm.

RORY

Hey, Trevor. You know what else I like to do besides talk about a really good book? Eat. Isn't that weird? And, actually, for me, they're linked. It's true. When I talk about a book, I get really hungry - starving. You ever experience that?

TREVOR

Not really.

RORY

Oh. Well, it happens to me all the time. Like right now, for example, starving, really. And I enjoyed "The Snows of Kilimanjaro" so much that I will probably be hungry for quite some time. All weekend, probably. Especially Saturday night.

TREVOR

Saturday night?

RORY

Saturday night.

TREVOR

Are you saying you want to go to dinner on Saturday night?

RORY

Wow. Um, okay. Yeah. Well, I will be hungry.

TREVOR

Well, that fact has been pretty well established.

RORY

Okay. Sure. Yeah, let's go to dinner Saturday night.

TREVOR

So, you're at -

RORY

Durfee, suite 5.

TREVOR

I'll pick you up at 7:30.

RORY

Sounds good.

TREVOR

Okay.

RORY

Wow. I gotta hand it to you there, Trevor. You sure are persistent.

LORELAI

Davey? You're naming him Davey?

SOOKIE

Yes.

LORELAI

I love Davey.

SOOKIE

Me, too.

LORELAI

Oh, I can't believe you finally picked a name. It makes it real.

SOOKIE

Yes, because the stomach and massive ankles were too ambiguous.

LORELAI

Does Jackson like it?

SOOKIE

Uh, well, he's okay with the stomach, but the massive ankles freak him out.

LORELAI

The name Davey.

SOOKIE

It was actually his suggestion.

LORELAI

Really?

SOOKIE

He wanted Davey if it was a boy and Colgate if it was a girl.

LORELAI

Colgate?

SOOKIE

His great-grandmother's name.

LORELAI

Great-grandmother Colgate.

SOOKIE

Yup.

LORELAI

That's horrible.

SOOKIE

You know what's worse, she looked like a Colgate.

LORELAI

Well, at least you know it's gonna be a boy.

SOOKIE

Yes, but he doesn't know it's going to be a boy. And I realized he has to know that I thought Colgate was an insane name, but if I didn't fight him on it, it must be because I knew we weren't gonna have a girl and then he would know we were gonna have a boy, and that would spoil everything for him. So I told him, "We are not naming our daughter after a toothpaste!" We got in a big fight and we're not talking.

LORELAI

Cool!

SOOKIE

Yeah, I know. Everything's perfect. My baby has a name and my husband's sleeping on the couch. Oh, and I figured out that I'll go with the Avery stove for the inn. Is that okay? Because I know it's a little more expensive.

LORELAI

It's your kitchen, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Okay, good. I'm gonna call Natalie the minute I get home.

LORELAI

Hm.

SOOKIE

What's wrong?

LORELAI

Nothing.

SOOKIE

It's the Avery. It's too extravagant.

LORELAI

No, the Avery's fine. Everything's fine.

SOOKIE

You're sure?

LORELAI

I'm sure. Just... Natalie knows my mother.

SOOKIE

Emily? How?

LORELAI

Yes, because she did her second-floor remodel like a year ago.

SOOKIE

Oh, so she really knows your mother.

LORELAI

They've been shopping together. It's a bond. Sookie, I don't know if I -

SOOKIE

Lorelai, no.

LORELAI

She knows my mother.

SOOKIE

So what?

LORELAI

Sookie, my whole life, my whole existence, my essence, my being, my ability to be this sparkling creature standing here before you -- all of this depends on the complete and total separation of my life from my mother's life. That's how it works.

SOOKIE

But we like Natalie.

LORELAI

We do like Natalie.

SOOKIE

Remember all the other designers we met that we didn't like before Natalie? Remember the one that wanted to put the tiny mannequin in every room so that the lonely people would have someone to talk to?

LORELAI

Yes, I do.

SOOKIE

Or the purple, purple, purple guy.

LORELAI

Purple, purple, purple.

SOOKIE

They were horrible. And then we met Natalie, and she was perfect. Look, just try. At least give Natalie a chance, okay? Please?

LORELAI

I'll try.

SOOKIE

Good. I'm gonna go home and get going on the Avery.

LORELAI

All right. I have to stop by Luke's. I'll call you later.

SOOKIE

Okay. It's going to be fine.

LORELAI

Yes, it is.

LORELAI

Hey, Luke. What's going on?

LUKE

Oh, well... Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be $4,000. Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000. Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores, so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse, and, oh, one last thing - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!

LORELAI

Sorry.

LUKE

What did you do, have business cards printed up?

LORELAI

People just know I'm here a lot.

LUKE

I missed a call from my meat guy because I was on the phone discussing Gunsmoke's deviated septum.

LORELAI

I'm gonna call all these people today and tell them never to call me here again.

LUKE

You bet you will.

LORELAI

Consider it done.

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

Just -

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Just, uh, one more thing. Did a package arrive for me here today?

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

I'm sorry. Never mind, never mind.

ED

Luke. Sorry. I'm cutting it kind of close here.

LUKE

Oh, sorry, Ed. I didn't realize you were cutting it kind of close. Everybody, drop everything. Ed's cutting it kind of close. Here's your tickets.

ED

You seem mad.

LUKE

Look, Ed, just go to the game and enjoy it, okay? Choke on a hot dog while you're at it.

ED

I have to tell you, Luke, I am never accepting anything free from you again.

LUKE

What a threat! Boy, you're a real master of fear, there, Ed. Look out, Jason and Freddy. Ed may never mooch off of either one of you ever again!

LORELAI

What is wrong with you?

LUKE

Nothing.

LORELAI

You're yelling at Ed.

LUKE

Ah, Ed bugs me.

LORELAI

Ed cries.

LUKE

I'm just having a bad day.

LORELAI

Zzz.

LUKE

Excuse me?

LORELAI

Days. You've been stomping around, barking at people for days.

LUKE

I have not.

LORELAI

Yes, Cujo, you have.

LUKE

I always talk to people like that.

LORELAI

No, Benji, you don't.

LUKE

I'll be fine tomorrow.

LORELAI

Really, Lassie? Why is that?

LUKE

Look, I bought these tickets for Nicole 'cause she's a Yankees fan. I thought it'd be nice if we went to a game together.

LORELAI

Oh, man.

LUKE

And it's no big deal. I mean, the closer it got to the game, the more I felt like a loser. I mean, I'm sitting on these tickets, which means I thought I'd still be in a relationship. I don't know. Stupid. I broke my own rule. I asked for it.

LORELAI

What are you talking about?

LUKE

Never plan for anything more than two days in advance.

LORELAI

That's your rule?

LUKE

Yes, 'cause when you make plans, then you have expectations, and when you have expectations, then you will get disappointed.

LORELAI

Having expectations also gives you something to look forward to.

LUKE

Yes, then you're looking forward to being constantly disappointed.

LORELAI

You're not that cynical.

LUKE

I am today.

LORELAI

Hey, I have an idea. Tomorrow night is usually movie night.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Rory and I would always rent a bunch of movies, order food -- it was our thing. Now she's at school and busy, so why don't you come over? It might be fun.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

Yeah?

LUKE

Sure, what else have I got to do?

LORELAI

Ah, I love when men say that to me.

LUKE

What time?

LORELAI

Eight.

LUKE

Eight it is.

LORELAI

I'll stop by the video store and pick us up a couple movies. What do you want to see?

LUKE

I don't know.

LORELAI

Well, come on, tell me. I don't want to get something you've seen.

LUKE

Don't worry about it. I haven't seen anything.

LORELAI

People always say that.

LUKE

Well, with me, it's true.

LORELAI

"Casablanca"?

LUKE

Nope.

LORELAI

You have never seen "Casablanca"? Are you kidding?

LUKE

Just get anything, please.

LORELAI

"Chinatown"?

LUKE

Anything at all.

LORELAI

"Bonnie and Clyde"?

LUKE

A video game would be nice also.

LORELAI

"It Happened One Night"? "His Girl Friday"? "Treasure of the Sierra Madre"? "Diner"?

LUKE

I saw "Mr. and Mrs. Bridge."

LORELAI

Oh. My house, eight o'clock. We have such work to do.

LUKE

I'll see you there.

LORELAI

Oh, by the way, if my package arrives today, bring it with you, okay? Thanks.

LORELAI

Oh, hey. Uh, oh, oh, hold on, whoa. Wow, that could have been very ugly, huh? The great cappuccino disaster of 2003. Very sad -- Shelley Winters drowns. Think the coffee was stronger than I thought.

MAID

Can I take your coat?

LORELAI

Thank you.

MAID

Your daughter called and said she was gonna be late. Her class ran long.

LORELAI

Oh, so Rory's not here yet?

MAID

No, it's just you and your mother.

LORELAI

Huh. Hey. Oh, gosh. You know what? I just remembered I left something in the car, so I'll be right back. Could I - just - it's new. I can't be away from it just yet. Oh, thanks. Okay. Back in a flash.

EMILY

What are you doing?

LORELAI

I was looking for my lip gloss.

EMILY

You need the radio on to look for your lip gloss?

LORELAI

Well, uh, I came out here and I couldn't find it and so I thought maybe if I tried to retrace my steps, it would turn up.

EMILY

Very clever idea.

LORELAI

Yeah, I thought so. So I put my purse on the seat and I put the keys in the car, and naturally the radio came on 'cause that's what it does, and, uh, "Shadow Dancing" was playing, which was one of my all time favorite songs in junior high.

EMILY

And you forgot to look for your lip gloss.

LORELAI

Just for a second.

EMILY

Which makes sense since it's in the ashtray right next to you.

LORELAI

Oh, hey. It is. Look at that.

EMILY

Yes, it's a miracle. Come inside, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Well, can't I just wait 'til the song... I'm coming.

EMILY

You can't sit here for three seconds without Rory.

LORELAI

Not true.

EMILY

Oh, stop it and sit down. I want to talk to you about something. I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.

LORELAI

Uh huh. Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with it.

EMILY

May I ask why you didn't bother to tell me?

LORELAI

Uh, well...

EMILY

Lorelai, your not telling me about Sookie is unforgivable.

LORELAI

Why, it's not like you're such good friends.

EMILY

I went to her wedding.

LORELAI

So did Kirk.

EMILY

I haven't sent her a gift, Lorelai. How does that make me look?

LORELAI

Like you hate her and all childbearing women.

EMILY

You are so intent on keeping me out of your life.

LORELAI

It's not even my life. It's Sookie's life.

EMILY

A simple phone call to tell me that Sookie is pregnant.

LORELAI

How did you find out about it, anyway?

EMILY

Why, are you going to track down the informant and have him shot?

LORELAI

Maybe.

EMILY

It doesn't matter how I found out. I found out, no thanks to you.

LORELAI

Mom, please, just tell me how you found out.

EMILY

Why? Does it bother you not knowing?

LORELAI

Yes.

EMILY

Me, too.

LORELAI

Hey.

EMILY

Rory, you're here.

RORY

I'm so sorry I'm late, Grandma. Hi, Mom.

LORELAI

You'll pay.

EMILY

So come on, sit down and tell me all about Yale.

LORELAI

If you don't, she'll find out anyway.

RORY

Yale's interesting. It's a lot more free-form than I thought.

EMILY

Well, you're an adult now. They treat you like an adult in college.

LORELAI

In college, yes. In the Gilmore house...

EMILY

We've switched subjects, in case you were wondering. So tell me, what are your plans for the weekend? Any parties going on?

RORY

Well, yeah, there are always parties going on, but I'm not going to a party this weekend. I'm actually going on a date.

LORELAI

You are?

EMILY

Well, your first college date.

LORELAI

Who's the lucky guy?

RORY

Just a guy from my English class.

LORELAI

No.

EMILY

Your English class.

LORELAI

What happened? I thought you turned him down.

EMILY

You turned him down?

RORY

I know, but I thought about it and I reconsidered.

LORELAI

What did you do? Did you ask him out?

EMILY

You asked him out? Oh, Rory, tell me you didn't ask a boy out.

RORY

I didn't ask him out. I just made sure he knew I was available.

LORELAI

Better, Mom?

EMILY

No, that's not better. Rory, you're in Yale, not Amsterdam. How you conduct yourself socially is as important as how you conduct yourself academically.

RORY

I promise, it was very proper.

LORELAI

Yes, Mom, she had a nice Tiffany lampshade over her red light.

EMILY

What do you know about this boy? Do you know where he's from, who his parents are?

RORY

No, I plan to find that out on the date.

LORELAI

What are you gonna wear?

RORY

I don't know.

LORELAI

Do you want to borrow something of mine?

EMILY

No, she does not.

LORELAI

What does that mean?

EMILY

It's bad enough that you haven't taught your daughter how to interact with the opposite sex. You will not dress her up in one of your "Sex and the City" ensembles and send her out to tell the entire campus, "Don't worry. I'll ask you."

LORELAI

How do you know about "Sex and the City"?

NATALIE

Okay, see, something like this outside against a wall - very "Little House on the Prairie" with a twist.

SOOKIE

I love "Little House on the Prairie." Jack the dog. Where is Lindsay Sidney Greenbush? When she came tumbling down the hill, I would just laugh.

NATALIE

Lorelai?

LORELAI

Yeah?

NATALIE

Well, what do you think?

LORELAI

Hm, I don't know. I'm not really sure.

NATALIE

Okay. Well, just keep in mind that anything you see here I can have duplicated. I've got this guy in Delaware that can knock off anything for about half the price.

LORELAI

Maybe we should go.

SOOKIE

What? We just got started.

LORELAI

Well, maybe we should think a little more before we shop.

SOOKIE

What are you talking about? We've been thinking for months. Let's start buying! Holy mother of God, this bench is $15,000.

NATALIE

We can find something else.

LORELAI

Oh, no, we don't have to find something else.

SOOKIE

What are you talking about?

LORELAI

We have absolutely no problem paying full price for that bench.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

Yeah. No money problems or problems of any kind. Our entire lives are perfect. We have no complaints and plenty of money.

SOOKIE

What are you talking about?

NATALIE

You know what, I see a lawn jockey out there that looks very interesting. I'll be back. [leaves]

SOOKIE

We cannot afford that bench.

LORELAI

Oh, I know that. I don't want her to know that.

SOOKIE

Her - Natalie, her?

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

Why?

LORELAI

Because it could get back to my mother.

SOOKIE

What could get back to your mother?

LORELAI

That we have money problems.

SOOKIE

We do have money problems.

LORELAI

I know, but I don't want my mother knowing that we have money problems. I don't want any personal information leaked out because in Emily's hands, that could be a weapon.

SOOKIE

Well, Natalie's not gonna say anything.

LORELAI

How do you know? How do you know she's not filling my mother in on our every move on a daily basis?

SOOKIE

You're being paranoid.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah? My mother found out about you being pregnant.

SOOKIE

Not from Natalie.

LORELAI

How do you know?

SOOKIE

Because Natalie herself didn't know until about a half an hour ago.

LORELAI

That's her story.

SOOKIE

Okay. This is getting crazy now. You have got to go out there and talk to her about this.

LORELAI

I don't know.

SOOKIE

It's the only fair thing. Come on. Go.

LORELAI

Hey, um, look, Natalie, I, uh, have to say something to you. I feel a tad silly even mentioning it, but I think I have to.

NATALIE

Did I do something that -

LORELAI

No, no, no, no, you did nothing. You've been great, really. Um, great ideas, great attitude. It's just that... you know my mother.

NATALIE

Yes?

LORELAI

That's it. You know my mother.

NATALIE

Oh.

LORELAI

And my mother and I don't exactly have the smoothest of relationships.

NATALIE

Ah.

LORELAI

Right. I mean, we're not warring or anything, but it's just that we're very different, and I feel kind of weird sharing things with her.

NATALIE

Look, I promise you, I haven't been in contact with your mother for a long time. Maybe twice she called to get a couple of names, but that was it. I hadn't even met you yet. So trust me -- she knows nothing that you haven't told her yourself.

LORELAI

Oh. Okay. I feel really stupid right now.

NATALIE

No, don't. I enjoyed working with your mother, but this inn is the kid of thing that I love to do. And the place has incredible potential and somebody's gonna get a chance to make it a wonderful inn. I would be heartsick if I lost this opportunity.

LORELAI

Oh.

NATALIE

Look, I haven't spoken to Emily in months. I doubt I'll be speaking to her in the future. I promise.

LORELAI

Okay.

NATALIE

Really?

LORELAI

Absolutely.

NATALIE

I'm so glad.

LORELAI

So am I.

NATALIE

So now that I talked myself back into a job, what do you think the outlook for this lawn jockey is?

LORELAI

Not good.

NATALIE

Hm. Emily would hate it.

LORELAI

Wrap it up.

RORY

Okay, so this is option number four. Tanna? Tanna?

TANNA

Yeah?

RORY

We're doing the whole bonding thing now.

TANNA

Okay. Sorry. Start again.

RORY

What do you think?

TANNA

Men respond subconsciously to a woman's pheromones. You should run in place 'til he gets here. It'll give you a nice musk.

RORY

Go back to your leg.

PARIS

Roommates meeting starts in two minutes. Hey, I told you to stop with the math and the Sharpies on my good sheets.

TANNA

Okay. Sorry.

PARIS

How come the puppy doesn't pee on your bed?

RORY

I'll be right out, Paris.

RORY

My date will be here in ten minutes, so talk fast.

PARIS

Thank you all for coming. Now, I'd like to start this meeting by saying that no one here is on trial. This meeting is about healing, it is about redemption, it is about accepting responsibility and making amends.

JANET

I don't believe this.

PARIS

This is a forum for all of us to air our grievances so we can resolve them and go on with our lives. Hey, since I'm already standing, why don't I start?

TANNA

This is thrilling.

PARIS

Setting your alarm for 5:30 in the morning when no one else here shares the desire to put on nylon shorts and run in circles for an hour like a greyhound is selfish.

JANET

I have a partial athletic scholarship, Paris.

PARIS

The grunting and the sweating, and there are plastic balls everywhere.

JANET

One balance ball.

PARIS

No one can sleep. No one can breathe. Rory missed breakfast the other day. You've seen Rory eat. She cannot miss breakfast.

RORY

Paris has a point there.

JANET

Excuse me, but if I remember correctly, Rory missed breakfast because you turned her alarm off.

RORY

Janet does have a point there.

JANET

And while we're airing grievances, what about your stupid craft area? Everywhere you turn, there's glitter or seashells or macaroni. And the smell of the glue.

PARIS

Hey, I make things we can all enjoy. I am contributing. The coasters I make are for everyone. Those push-ups are for you and you alone.

JANET

I vote we get rid of craft corner.

PARIS

No, that's my emotional homework!

RORY

Okay, let's just all calm down for a sec.

JANET

No. I cannot calm down. I have tried to be reasonable. I have told myself over and over, "God, look at her. Imagine what she's been through to make her turn out like that."

PARIS

A lot!

JANET

But you're impossible! And frankly, I'm just sick of your constant negativity!

PARIS

You're on steroids, aren't you? That's what's behind this obsessive behavior.

JANET

You're calling me obsessive?

TREVOR

Hi. You ready to go?

RORY

Just one sec. We're finishing up a roommates meeting.

PARIS

I'll race you.

RORY

What?

PARIS

To Hewitt Quad and back. I win, no alarm before seven a.m. You win, I move my crafts area into Rory's and my room.

RORY

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

JANET

Forget it. I am not gonna race -

PARIS

On your mark, get set, go. [runs out of the room]

JANET

Hey! [follows her]

TANNA

Now they're gonna have a nice musk.

RORY

Shall we?

TREVOR

After you.

LORELAI

Ah, man bearing bags of food. Come in.

LUKE

I went a little overboard here.

LORELAI

No such thing.

LUKE

I got tons of fries, half a pumpkin pie. You got whipped cream here?

LORELAI

Always.

LUKE

And, uh, I wasn't sure what to do with the burgers because sometimes you order with double cheese, sometimes you don't, so I brought one with normal cheese and one with... [sees Chinese food containers on the coffee table]... what did you do?

LORELAI

I ordered food.

LUKE

I said I'd bring food.

LORELAI

So I can't contribute, like I'm a piker?

LUKE

No. Just that I didn't need to bring food.

LORELAI

Well, I'm leftover girl. I'll have the burgers tonight and the Chinese food during the week.

LUKE

Then you just should have ordered the Chinese fresh tomorrow instead of tonight.

LORELAI

I don't like fresh Chinese food. I like stale Chinese food.

LUKE

I give up.

LORELAI

I got you a nice, cold beer.

LUKE

Appreciate it.

LORELAI

Okay. You are one click away from "Casablanca."

LUKE

Start it up.

LORELAI

No, whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to get situated. Are you all situated?

LUKE

I'm situated.

LORELAI

You need to, like, squish around a little.

LUKE

I don't need to.

LORELAI

Come on, squish around a little bit.

LUKE

I'm fine how I am.

LORELAI

Okay, but, uh, you can't squish during the movie because it's distracting. That's rule number one.

LUKE

There's rules?

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, especially for a true classic like "Casablanca." It's not like we're watching a there's-nothing-else-on movie or a guilty pleasure like "Hardbodies." Oh, my God. Have you seen "Hardbodies"?

LUKE

I don't think so.

LORELAI

Three middle-aged guys rent a beach house and they hire this young local stud to introduce them to cute girls, a.k.a. "Hardbodies."

LUKE

Let's see that.

LORELAI

No, Luke, we're seeing "Casablanca."

LUKE

Then let's see that.

LORELAI

Okay, the rest of the rules - no talking during the movie. No exceptions during a true classic. And minimize distraction. You know, no shifting around a lot, no phone calls, nothing. No going to the bathroom. If you go, you miss the movie 'cause we're not pausing the movie. That's the only way to get the flow of the thing, okay?

LUKE

Fair enough.

LORELAI

Okay. Here we go. [starts the movie]

LUKE

What's that?

LORELAI

Okay, um... A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before.

LUKE

It's new to me.

LORELAI

Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk.

LUKE

Just start it up. I won't talk again.

LORELAI

Okay, just one more warning - when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen.

LUKE

Hit the button.

LORELAI

Okay.

HOSTESS

Hang onto this. We'll page you when the table's ready.

TREVOR

Thank you. A riot of color. Geeky but cool. Ever been to Italy?

RORY

No. Yes. What am I saying? Yes. I was just there. Duh.

TREVOR

Hard thing to forget.

RORY

Yeah. I'm just so used to not having been anywhere, but yeah, I have.

TREVOR

And what's it like?

RORY

Terrific.

TREVOR

Boy, they have these places all over. Two in Miami, Detroit. Hey, two in my hometown. Now, that's a great town.

RORY

Definitely.

TREVOR

So you've been there?

RORY

Where?

TREVOR

Chicago.

RORY

Is that were you're from?

TREVOR

Oh, I thought you saw where I was pointing.

RORY

Oh, no. Um...

TREVOR

You know, I miss things about home that I didn't think I'd miss. Like my little brother Brian. He drove me crazy my whole life, and now I can't wait for his e-mails. You have any siblings?

RORY

No. You know, I read this article once about restaurants like this where they have an open bowl of mints that you grab on your way out. And when people come out of the bathroom, a lot of them don't wash their hands. They'll grab a mint and walk out, and people have studied the mints and they found traces of urine in them, so they're urine mints.

TREVOR

Huh. Oh. Hey, we're being paged.

RORY

Good.

HOSTESS

Right this way.

RORY

Oh.

TREVOR

Thank you.

HOSTESS

Enjoy.

LUKE

Stop doing that.

LORELAI

Shh, no talking.

LUKE

Then stop doing that.

LORELAI

Doing what?

LUKE

Looking at me.

LORELAI

Vain party, table for one.

LUKE

You know what I mean. You're watching me watch the movie. It's creepy.

LORELAI

I enjoy watching people watch certain parts of certain movies.

LUKE

But you look over just before something big happens, so I always know something's coming.

LORELAI

Oh, I do?

LUKE

You did it just before Humphrey Bogart saw Ingrid Bergman for the first time.

LORELAI

Well, she's the costar. You knew something was coming. [she rewinds the movie a little]

LUKE

There goes our flow.

LORELAI

Well, we missed stuff while we were talking.

LORELAI

[on answering machine] Hi, it's Lorelai. Leave me a message.

LUKE

You're back too far, we've seen this.

LORELAI

I didn't. I was looking at you.

LUKE

We'll never get through this.

RORY

[on answering machine] Mom, are you there?

LORELAI

Oh, wait, wait.

LUKE

Come on.

RORY

[on answering machine] Mom, if you're there, pick up.

LORELAI

[answers phone] Honey, are you okay?

LUKE

There goes the phone rule.

RORY

No, this whole night is sucking.

LORELAI

What? How?

RORY

You're right - I've never dated before, and I know that now because of this feeling I have. I've never had this feeling before.

LORELAI

Sort of frozen, sort of unsure, sort of wishing you'd read a lot of dating articles in preparation?

RORY

I have no idea what I'm doing here, and everyone is staring at me because they know we're on a bad first date.

LORELAI

Oh, so the guy's a dud?

RORY

Trevor's fine. I'm moronic. I bring the conversation to a crashing halt every time I speak.

LORELAI

Well, where is he now?

RORY

In the bathroom, probably pondering my brilliant anecdote about urine mints.

LORELAI

About what?

RORY

You know, when people go to the bathroom and they don't wash their hands and they come out and they take a mint.

LORELAI

Oh, my God. I've been eating those mints for years. [to Luke] Hey, did you know about urine mints?

LUKE

What?

RORY

And I've already forgotten everything that he said to me - the name of his brother and sister and best friend. And we're sitting on the same side of the table. We keep bumping menus, and my neck already hurts from trying to turn and look at him when he talks. Can I tell him to sit on the other side?

LORELAI

Honey, you just... you have to relax, 'cause it's just a date, and sometimes dates don't go well. I mean, I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but if he comes back and you're on the phone, it might make things more awkward.

RORY

Bite the bullet, huh?

LORELAI

Yeah. Sorry, but yeah.

RORY

Okay. I'll talk to you later.

LORELAI

Bye. [hangs up] Oh, poor thing.

LUKE

Dating's the worst.

LORELAI

Yeah, but they're sitting on the same side of the table and that's awkward, and she can't think of what to say next, and you know, she's just gotta go through it and figure it out on her own. You just have to throw them out there and let them learn what those wings are for.

LUKE

She could say there's a draft.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Where she's sitting. She could say the air conditioning is hitting her, switch to the other side, and just blame it on that.

LORELAI

That's perfect.

RORY

[answers phone] Mom?

LORELAI

Hey. Is he back yet?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Say there's a draft and move to the other side of the table. It's very ladylike to feel drafts. He'll totally understand.

RORY

Okay, good.

LORELAI

And then ask what his brother and sister's names are. He'll like that you cared enough to confirm.

RORY

Yeah, that seems right.

LORELAI

Don't worry about the conversation. Just talk, and if the talk doesn't flow, it doesn't. And stay away from urine-related topics, and you're good to go.

RORY

Thanks, Mom.

LORELAI

Oh, the draft thing was Luke's.

RORY

Well, thank him for me, too. I'd better go.

LORELAI

Go, go. [hangs up] Oh, good. I feel so much better. She says thanks.

LUKE

I wouldn't trade places with her for the world.

LORELAI

Really? You wouldn't want to go out with a boy named Trevor? You might want to wait and see his picture.

LUKE

I mean dating. It's a horror.

LORELAI

It's the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet.

LUKE

I missed nothing by not dating.

LORELAI

Not true.

LUKE

If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single. I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma's.

LORELAI

Yeah, but dating is how you get to know your potential partner. It's the only way.

LUKE

There's the gut. I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone within seconds of meeting them. I feel it here. I felt it with Rachel. I felt it with Nicole. I was immediately relaxed.

LORELAI

You've got the gut thing.

LUKE

Well, it's just knowing that someone will let you be. That's a gut thing.

LORELAI

Aah! You're fast-forwarding.

LUKE

Well, we'll not gonna get through this thing. I just wanna get to the good parts.

LORELAI

There are no bad parts of "Casablanca." Just go back. Back. I'm gonna go grab dessert.

LUKE

Hey, phone again.

LORELAI

Ugh.

LUKE

[answers phone] Hello?

EMILY

Who is this?

LUKE

Who's this?

EMILY

This is Emily Gilmore. Who's this?

LUKE

Luke Danes, Mrs. Gilmore. Your daughter's friend from the diner. Uh, hey, I'm not really supposed to be talking to you here. Hang on.

LORELAI

Why did you answer the phone?

LUKE

You answered it before.

LORELAI

Yeah, but that was Rory. You should have told her I'm not here.

LUKE

Then what would I be doing here?

LORELAI

Light maintenance.

LUKE

Come on, take it.

LORELAI

You broke a rule.

LUKE

You've broken every rule.

LORELAI

Yeah, but dodging my mother's phone calls is not a movie-night rule. It's an always rule. [she takes the phone] Hi, Mom. What's up?

EMILY

So now you're telling people they can't speak to me?

LORELAI

No, Mom. It's just a little movie-night rule. If you and Luke wanna talk, you guys can talk.

EMILY

I'm talking about Natalie Zimmerman.

LORELAI

Natalie?

EMILY

I called her today about sprucing up a room she did for me a year ago, and, as you would say, she blew me off.

LORELAI

Well, what did she say?

EMILY

She said she couldn't help me out, but she wouldn't say why, so I leaned on her a bit. She cracked and said she'd made you certain promises.

LORELAI

Mom, I never told her she couldn't work for you.

EMILY

She said you did.

LORELAI

Well, no. Our agreement was -

EMILY

So there was an agreement.

LORELAI

Yes, but -

EMILY

To exclude me?

LORELAI

No. Well, not exactly.

EMILY

You know, Lorelai, perhaps it would be easier if you just gave me a list of the people I'm not allowed to have contact with. So far I know there's Natalie and Sookie and Luke on movie night. What about Richard? Am I still allowed to talk to my husband?

LORELAI

Mom, this is just a big misunderstanding. Go ahead and hire Natalie.

EMILY

But you'll still have a problem with both of us using her.

LORELAI

I will cease working with her. She's all yours. I'll tell her tomorrow.

EMILY

Oh, wonderful. So it'll be my fault she loses the job. No, Lorelai, you keep her, and I promise I'll never speak to her - ever. If she's bleeding on the side of the road, I'll drive by and pretend I didn't see.

LORELAI

Mom...

EMILY

I have to go.

LORELAI

I'm firing Natalie.

EMILY

That's up to you.

LORELAI

Consider it done.

EMILY

I'll see you Friday.

LORELAI

Yup. [hangs up] I know just how you feel, Rick.

LUKE

Shh.

LORELAI

Tsk.

RORY

Mom?

LORELAI

Hey, hey. Shh.

RORY

Tell me he didn't fall asleep during "Casablanca."

LORELAI

No, we made it through "Casablanca." He fell asleep during "Hardbodies."

RORY

How do you fall asleep during a classic like "Hardbodies"?

LORELAI

There's no accounting for taste.

RORY

He looks comfy there, doesn't he?

LORELAI

Yeah, he does. [they walk to the kitchen] So, you wanna talk about it or you wanna forget about it?

RORY

Well, there's nothing much to talk about. It was just bad. I got a little better as the night went on - talked a little more. He was very nice, just not my type. Oh, and the whole draft thing backfired.

LORELAI

How so?

RORY

Well, I switched over to the other side of the table. Then he started to feel the same draft and came over to my side.

LORELAI

But we made up the draft.

RORY

The power of suggestion.

LORELAI

Boys are so malleable.

RORY

It just all seemed so forced. I mean, I felt like I was locked into the pointless societal ritual. There has to be another way.

LORELAI

Luke and I were debating that. Luke thinks it's all about gut instinct - you know instantly if a person is right for you. I think you have to go through a lot to find a contender. And you've been very lucky with boys before. They were just always sort of there, but I think for the most part, a girl's got to hunt a little.

RORY

And go through a lot of non-contenders.

LORELAI

Yes, then the non-contenders become your fun bad-date anecdotes. In fact, on your next date, if you're stuck for a topic, tell him about your bad date.

RORY

But what if that date is bad?

LORELAI

Then you have an anecdote for your next date.

RORY

And how long does this go on?

LORELAI

You've seen "Grey Gardens." It could go on forever.

RORY

Oh, well, just shoot me now.

LORELAI

Hang in there. Go with Luke's gut thing if all else fails.

RORY

Maybe.

RORY

Oh, um...

GUY

Yeah?

RORY

I think my clothes were in there.

GUY

Oh, yeah, somebody had already dumped them out, so I put 'em in my basket to keep 'em clean. Hope you don't mind.

RORY

No. Thanks. Wow, that's the coolest laundry basket I've ever seen. I love The Smiths.

GUY

I had an older brother that got me into them, and when my friends were listening to Hootie and the Blowfish, I was memorizing "Meat is Murder."

RORY

Well, I have a mom who's pretty much cooler than anyone you'd meet, and she did the same thing.

GUY

Mine's a plain old soccer mom, but she's great.

RORY

Well, being away like this makes you think about stuff like that, doesn't it - home?

GUY

Totally.

RORY

Hey, would you maybe wanna get a cup of coffee sometime, in between classes or something?

GUY

I don't think so, but thanks. [leaves]

RORY

You're welcome.