T4E9: “Ted Koppel’s Big Night Out”

LORELAI

"Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties."

RORY

She did not say that.

LORELAI

She did say that.

RORY

It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.

LORELAI

Aw. Survival of the fittest, baby.

LORELAI

Oh, man, this place is packed.

RORY

Damn that Zagat guide.

LORELAI

Only the loser mini-table is open.

RORY

What do we do?

LORELAI

Time to hover. You take the old couple, I'll hit the cybergeek.

RORY

Got it. [walks over to an older couple eating] Hello.

LORELAI

[walks over to a guy working on a laptop] Hello.

LORELAI

That was some of the best hovering I've ever seen you do.

RORY

I was taught by the best.

LORELAI

But the focus - you never blinked. And the sneeze - so tiny, so dainty, so terrifying to the old.

RORY

Luke's gonna be mad. I mean, he hates it when we commandeer two tables during rush hour.

LORELAI

Oh, he only hated it that one time.

RORY

What time?

LORELAI

The time when we did it and he was mad.

RORY

He's hated it every time we've done it.

LORELAI

No.

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

No, only the one time.

RORY

Which time?

LORELAI

The time we did it and he was mad.

RORY

You're gonna do this to Luke, aren't you?

LORELAI

'Til he's so dizzy he throws up.

RORY

Nice. Calendars?

LORELAI

Let's do it. Okay, so, uh, your finals-induced hibernation period is setting in...

RORY

Monday.

LORELAI

Okay. So how about, uh, Sunday we have a major Sephora fix, maybe a movie - sort of a see-ya day before you go bye-bye?

RORY

Throw in a pedicure and you got a deal.

LORELAI

Done.

LUKE

Hey. Coffee's gonna be ready in a sec. You know what you want?

LORELAI

Oh, um, well, we need napkins to cover this big, wide, expansive table.

LUKE

Okay. Uh, hey, are you in the mood for pancakes?

LORELAI

Pancakes, sure, yeah. I guess we have enough space for pancakes.

LUKE

'Cause I'm making pumpkin pancakes and it comes with homemade cinnamon butter.

RORY

You made cinnamon butter?

LUKE

This morning.

LORELAI

Wow. I bet the other people who would love a table right now but can't have one 'cause they're all taken would love pumpkin pancakes with homemade cinnamon butter.

LUKE

I'll get your coffee.

LORELAI

Hey, hold on.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

We're sitting at two tables.

LUKE

Yeah?

LORELAI

You hate that. That makes you mad.

LUKE

Only the one time.

LORELAI

Why are you so sunny this morning?

LUKE

Well, actually, I finally hired some help.

RORY

Oh, good for you.

LUKE

Yeah, I figured I needed the help. What the hell, get a kid in here to pick up the slack, ya know? I kind of feel like a weight's been lifted, ya know?

LORELAI

Sounds very sensible.

LUKE

Let me get your food going. [walks away]

RORY

Okay, so, talk to me.

LORELAI

Talk to you about what?

RORY

Talk to me about Jason.

LORELAI

There's nothing to talk about.

RORY

Oh, come on. I'm in a serious romantic dry spell. I need to live vicariously through somebody.

LORELAI

He has called.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

He has sent things.

RORY

Pipe bombs?

LORELAI

Flowers, candy.

RORY

Even better.

LORELAI

But I don't know, he's my father's partner, I've known him forever. I mean, can you imagine if I actually went out with someone from my 'hood?

RORY

Do you like him?

LORELAI

Well, he's completely not my type, but he does have a thing and the smarts and he does keep up.

RORY

Maybe you should just go out with him and see what happens.

LORELAI

No. Dad would flip and Mom hates him, so she would see it as some sort of personal attack and I'm just getting her off me for spilling wine on the carpet.

RORY

When did you do that?

LORELAI

Ninth grade.

RORY

Huh.

LORELAI

Things are quiet now. I just wanna keep them quiet.

LUKE

[calls] Hey, Brennon, pick up.

RORY

Oh, my God.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

He hired Brennon Lewis.

LORELAI

You know him?

RORY

I went to junior high with him.

LORELAI

And?

RORY

Ew!

LORELAI

He doesn't look that bad.

RORY

He's the boy who dissected a frog, did not wash his hands, and then ate a sandwich.

LORELAI

Ew!

RORY

He's like the lost Farrelly brother. He's so stupid. He watched "The Breakfast Club" and decided to tape his own butt cheeks together.

LORELAI

Okay, so Mensa's not sending him a t-shirt yet, but Luke has hired him so we have to give him a chance.

BRENNON

You have the pancakes?

LORELAI

We sure do.

RORY

Hi, Brennon.

BRENNON

Hey.

RORY

Rory Gilmore. Um, we went to school together.

BRENNON

Yeah?

RORY

You don't remember. Biology - the frog?

BRENNON

There have been a lot of frogs, man.

RORY

Okay. Thanks for the food.

BRENNON

Yep. [walks away]

LORELAI

Your kids will be gorgeous.

RICHARD

This roommate of mine in sophomore year - we absolutely hated him. He was, in addition to being a complete nincompoop, rather a chubby lad. So one night, we tied him in between two mattresses and threw him out the window.

RORY

What?

PARIS

I'm writing that one down.

RORY

Was he okay?

RICHARD

Oh, he was fine. He went to sleep. He woke up in the morning and picked up right where he left off.

RORY

Man.

RICHARD

We wound up throwing him out the window every night for a month, and then he transferred.

RORY

Well, do you think you guys tossing him out the window on a regular basis had something to do with that decision?

RICHARD

Well, it crossed our minds, yes. However, we were young and full of energy. Every day was an adventure. No challenge was too great. We wanted to change the world.

PARIS

This is so great. Richard, I want to thank you for inviting me to lunch.

RICHARD

Well, you're very welcome, Paris. How often does a man like me get the chance to entertain two such lovely and intelligent young ladies?

PARIS

You are a honey-tongued devil, aren't you, Dick?

RICHARD

So, tell me, what are your plans for the game?

RORY

The what?

RICHARD

The game. The Harvard-Yale game.

PARIS

I'm going. I already have my ticket. I bought it a month ago.

RORY

You did?

PARIS

It's the game, Rory. It's a memory - a college memory, and I intend on having as many college memories as possible.

RICHARD

Your grandmother and I have attended every one of these games for the past 32 years. We always buy a block of seats, and we got one for you. So how about it? We'd love to take you.

RORY

And I would love to go.

RICHARD

Good. It'll be a wonderful day.

PARIS

It will be a day to remember.

ASHER

Richard?

RICHARD

Asher! Oh, look at you!

ASHER

Good to see you.

RICHARD

Good to see you.

PARIS

[quietly to Rory] Your grandfather knows Asher Fleming? That's amazing. I read his latest book four times. He was on Charlie Rose last week and he almost kept me awake.

RORY

Well, I didn't know he knew him.

PARIS

I wonder if I can get an interview with him for the paper.

RORY

What if I want an interview with him for the paper?

PARIS

What?

RORY

Well, he's my grandfather.

PARIS

You're stealing my interview.

RORY

No, I'm just making you crazy.

PARIS

Like that's hard. Feel proud.

RICHARD

Girls, I'd like to introduce you to a former classmate of mine - Asher Fleming. Asher, this is my granddaughter, Rory.

RORY

Hello.

ASHER

A pleasure to meet you.

RICHARD

And her friend, Paris Geller.

ASHER

Paris.

PARIS

I saw you on Charlie Rose. You were good.

ASHER

Thank you.

PARIS

Not too self-important, you made your point, and managed to look remotely interested when Charlie babbled on pretentiously about nothing.

ASHER

Well, Charlie Rose is a good friend of mine.

PARIS

Whatever. Listen, professor, I'd love to do a profile on you for the paper. Nothing puffy. Straight-up, hard-hitting, uncensored. Your views, no slant. Tomorrow work for you?

ASHER

Well, I'll, uh, have to check my schedule. I do teach, you know.

PARIS

Sure, you gotta pay the bills.

ASHER

Richard, terrific to see you again. Let's have lunch next week.

RICHARD

Consider it a date.

ASHER

Splendid.

RICHARD

Right.

ASHER

Goodbye, ladies. [walks away]

PARIS

I'm a fan! I could've opened with that, couldn't I have?

RORY

Then you wouldn't be you.

JASON

[on answering machine] Okay, see, a better man, a smarter man, a different man, would take into account the fact that flowers, candy, and numerous phone calls have gone completely unnoticed by you. Those men would get a clue, have some pride, grow a pair, and move on. Oh, well. Lorelai Gilmore, daughter of Richard and Emily, mother of Rory, and friend to all, would you join me for dinner on Saturday night? Please call me back because I will someday find my pathetic threshold and stop trying.

JASON

This is Jason.

LORELAI

This is Lorelai.

JASON

You're kidding.

LORELAI

No, I'm not.

JASON

You're really calling me back?

LORELAI

Yes, I am.

JASON

Is there someone there who could document this - a photographer or a really fast painter?

LORELAI

See, you get the girl to call you back and then you give her a hard time.

JASON

You're right, I apologize. So, how are you?

LORELAI

I'm fine, and you?

JASON

Uh, I don't know. I've got a slight suspicion you've called to tell me you're not available for dinner on Saturday night, and that's gonna bum me out.

LORELAI

Look, Jason -

JASON

Okay, before you continue, just let me say that I got us reservations at the China Garden.

LORELAI

Ah, you're kidding.

JASON

Very hot ticket in town. Good food, great bar, quite a scene.

LORELAI

How did you do that?

JASON

Pulled a few strings, greased a few palms, sold myself to a sous-chef - a very tender man, I might add.

LORELAI

I just want you to be happy.

JASON

So, long story short - table for two at 8:30. You need a little black dress.

LORELAI

I am so incredibly tempted.

JASON

But?

LORELAI

But you work with my father. You're hated by my mother. You come from my world.

JASON

You find me repulsive.

LORELAI

No, I don't, and I wish I did.

JASON

Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna keep the reservation and go by myself. I've been reading about this place for months, and personally, I would like to see what all the fuss is about.

LORELAI

Do you understand at all where I'm coming from?

JASON

Nope, but that's okay.

LORELAI

Well, I'm sorry, Jason.

JASON

Me, too. I bet you look good in one of those little black dresses.

LORELAI

Well, yes, I do.

JASON

Goodbye, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Bye, Jason.

EMILY

It's ten o'clock at night and suddenly I hear this terrible racket. So I go outside and there is May Richmond sneaking a 6-foot Rudolph into her garage.

RICHARD

That woman is working my last nerve.

LORELAI

So what?

RICHARD

So what? Don't you know what this means?

LORELAI

I'm racking my brain.

EMILY

They're going to put a giant plastic reindeer on their roof.

RICHARD

Which is right next to our roof.

LORELAI

So, what, are you scared they'll keep you up all night playing reindeer games?

RICHARD

They can't light them up. The homeowners association has very strict rules about the amount of lights that you can display in front of your house, and they already have those lawn twinklers.

EMILY

They could give up their lawn twinklers and focus solely on the reindeer.

RICHARD

I don't know. They were awfully proud of their twinklers last year. It was all they talked about.

LORELAI

Okay, guys - take a step back, examine the conversation you're having, and spend some time apart.

RORY

May I have some more roast, please, Grandma?

EMILY

Of course you may.

LORELAI

It's really good tonight, Mom.

EMILY

Thank you, Lorelai.

RICHARD

Oh, by the way, Rory, we will pick you up in front of your residence hall tomorrow morning, nine o'clock sharp.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

Tomorrow? What's happening tomorrow?

EMILY

Tomorrow's the game.

LORELAI

Oh, the game...

RICHARD

The game. The Harvard-Yale game.

LORELAI

Right, right. Football?

EMILY

Lorelai.

LORELAI

Why does the question "Football?" get a "Lorelai"?

RICHARD

Yes, it's football - the most important football game of the entire year. All of Yale will be there.

LORELAI

Oh, cool. Can I go?

RICHARD

You want to go to a football game?

LORELAI

Well, if it's such a big deal, absolutely.

EMILY

But you don't like football.

LORELAI

Well, no, I'm not the diehard fan that, say, you are, Mom, but it's Rory's school.

RICHARD

You won't get bored?

LORELAI

Yeah, of course I'll get bored, but that's when the "South Park" impressions kick in.

EMILY

Lorelai, we have invited friends - important people.

LORELAI

I'm kidding, Mom. I can only do Cartman.

RICHARD

So, you want to go?

LORELAI

Yup.

EMILY

You're sure about this?

LORELAI

Absolutely positive.

RICHARD

Well, I guess we could uninvite someone.

EMILY

Cecil, perhaps.

RICHARD

Or Donlon.

EMILY

Donlon just had his colon removed.

RICHARD

Well, Cecil then. I guess I should call him now, give him time to get another ticket.

EMILY

I'll call his wife.

LORELAI

Thanks.

RORY

What is wrong with you?

LORELAI

What is wrong with you? Why didn't you get me a ticket to the game?

RORY

I was saving you, dummy.

LORELAI

Saving me from what?

RORY

You hate football.

LORELAI

So do you.

RORY

Yeah, I know I hate football, but I couldn't get out of it. You could.

LORELAI

Okay, so I have to go watch a football game. At least I get to hang with you before finals.

RORY

You sure?

LORELAI

Of course. I mean, what's a football game last? Hour, hour and a half? Longer than an hour and a half? Are you kidding me?

RICHARD

Damn it. Emily, Cecil's the one who had his colon removed. I'm calling Donlon.

LORELAI

Ugh.

LORELAI

I hate football.

RORY

I tried to get you out of it.

LORELAI

Well, you should have tried harder.

RORY

Next time. Where's Luke?

LORELAI

Probably in bed where the rest of the world is on a Saturday. Did I put on underwear?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

I think I forgot to put on underwear. Can you check? [pause] Did I just ask you to check if I put on underwear?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

I hate football.

RORY

You just need coffee.

LORELAI

Oh, no.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Froggy.

RORY

Brennon?

LORELAI

I hate that kid.

RORY

I thought we were gonna give him a chance.

LORELAI

Yeah, chance ended when he dumped a chili-bean omelet on me the other day.

RORY

What do we do? Oh, he's coming over.

BRENNON

What can I do for you, chicas?

RORY

Oh, we'd just like to order, please.

BRENNON

Go ahead.

LORELAI

I'll have the cheese omelet, extra cheddar, no Jack, sourdough toast, two bacons, two sausages... you're not writing this down.

BRENNON

Don't need to. Continue.

LORELAI

Two bacons, two sausages, one pancake... I would really like you to write this down.

BRENNON

Trust me, it's all stored. What would you like?

RORY

Rye toast.

BRENNON

You want that toasted?

RORY

Sure, why not?

BRENNON

Got it. [leaves]

LORELAI

Rye toast?

RORY

My odds are way better than yours.

LANE

Brennon!

BRENNON

Oh, nice volume.

LANE

This is a box of doughnuts.

BRENNON

Yeah?

LANE

It's supposed to be a box of bagels.

BRENNON

What, they both have holes in them, right?

LANE

We've already had this conversation. Get me the bagels, get me the bagels! Go. Now. Bye.

KIRK

Excuse me, can I get a napkin?

BRENNON

Yeah, sure. [pulls one from his pocket and drops it on the table]

KIRK

Excuse me, can I get a napkin to put my napkin on?

LANE

You know, this is so completely unfair. I didn't even know Luke was looking for someone. I would love to work here.

RORY

Your mother would have let you?

LORELAI

I mean, Luke is a man. With man parts, we think.

LANE

Luke's is one of the few Mrs. Kim-approved places. No alcohol, walking distance to the church, and you can see my house from here. I totally need the money, and instead I get to return a box of doughnuts once a day.

BRENNON

Rye toast.

RORY

Told ya.

BRENNON

You wanted, uh, something, right?

LORELAI

Oh, excuse me just a second, won't you?

BRENNON

Sure.

LORELAI

Luke?

LUKE

What are you doing here?

LORELAI

Uh, we're going to the Harvard-Yale game.

LUKE

You're going to the Harvard-Yale game? You know what they do at the Harvard-Yale game?

LORELAI

They make babies?

LUKE

They play football.

LORELAI

Yes, I know they pay football.

LUKE

And you're supposed to watch them play football.

LORELAI

Let's not talk about me anymore. Let's talk about you. I'm worried.

LUKE

Why?

LORELAI

Ever since you hired Brennon, the little spark has gone out of your eyes.

LUKE

It has?

LORELAI

Yes, it has. And I am here to tell you that it is hell watching you go through this, so I think for your own sake, you should fire Froggy.

LUKE

Froggy?

LORELAI

Uh, Brennon.

LUKE

You want me to fire Brennon, why?

LORELAI

The spark. Remember the spark?

LUKE

Why do you want me to fire Brennon?

LORELAI

Come back, little spark, come back.

LUKE

Lorelai.

LORELAI

He doesn't write the orders down, he never brings you food that's hot or yours, he can't distinguish bagels from doughnuts, he hands out butt napkins, and he has worn that Foreigner t-shirt every single day since he started working here and he doesn't know who they are. I asked him.

LUKE

What are butt napkins?

LORELAI

Kirk needed a napkin, and he pulled one out of his back pocket.

LUKE

Hey, Bren?

BRENNON

Yeah, boss?

LUKE

Did you give Kirk a napkin out of your back pocket?

BRENNON

Yeah.

LUKE

Don't.

BRENNON

Okay.

LORELAI

That's it? What about all the other stuff?

LUKE

Look, you're just used to me. Give him time.

LORELAI

Have you heard about the frog, the hands, and the sandwich?

LUKE

No, but I heard about the rabbi, the priest, and the duck.

LORELAI

You're not taking me seriously.

LUKE

Hey, Bren, get Ms. Gilmore a cup of hot coffee, will ya? Give the kid a chance, all right? He's helping me out a great deal - decaf - and I have faith in him. All he needs is a little more time - black top - to learn the ropes and he'll be fine.

LORELAI

Where did he go?

LUKE

Uh, I don't know.

LORELAI

Where are they all going? It's Saturday morning, they should be in bed.

RORY

They're excited about life. It's a college thing.

LORELAI

How come you're not excited about life?

RORY

I find nothing exciting before eleven.

EMILY

Yoo-hoo, girls, over here!

LORELAI

God, who's yoo-hooing? Oh, my God.

EMILY

Lorelai, Rory.

RICHARD

It's a fine day for football.

LORELAI

And funny hats.

EMILY

If you're going to continue sitting on the ground like that, you should get yourself a saxophone and a tip cup.

LORELAI

Sorry. Up.

RORY

Right.

EMILY

Lorelai, what are you wearing?

LORELAI

Uh, I'm sorry, you're horrified by what I'm wearing?

EMILY

You're wearing crimson.

LORELAI

I'm not wearing crimson.

RICHARD

Oh, she can't go like that.

RORY

Crimson is Harvard's color.

RICHARD

That's a very dangerous choice to make today, Lorelai.

LORELAI

I'm not wearing crimson. I'm wearing red.

EMILY

Same thing.

LORELAI

Very different.

EMILY

Look at Rory. Rory is dressed in Yale colors.

RICHARD

Why can't you be like Rory?

EMILY

Rory looks perfect.

LORELAI

Rory got dressed five minutes before you got here, and she's wearing my sweater.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Well, I could just as easily have been the one dressed right.

EMILY

You can wear my jacket.

LORELAI

Do you have a samurai sword under those pom-poms, Mom? Because you're gonna have to "Kill Bill" me to get me into that -

EMILY

Arm.

LORELAI

Yes, ma'am.

RICHARD

Uh, what have you got there, Rory?

RORY

Fig Newtons.

RICHARD

Fig Newtons?

RORY

A little dessert for later.

RORY

What's so funny?

LORELAI

We got the jumbo pack. We're not cheap.

EMILY

I'm sorry, Rory, we didn't mean to laugh at you. We love your Fig Newtons.

RICHARD

We will honor them and eat them proudly.

LORELAI

They're just Fig Newtons, guys. Don't get all freaky on us.

RICHARD

Well, let's get going.

LORELAI

So, what time does the game start?

RICHARD

One.

RORY

One?

LORELAI

Then why the hell did we have to meet you at nine?

EMILY

Is it absolutely necessary for you to talk like Sharon Osbourne?

LORELAI

You're the one with the dirty button.

RICHARD

There's much more to the big game day than the game, Lorelai. There are all kinds of rituals and traditions we Gilmores take part in. First off, a visit to Dan.

EMILY

A visit to Dan.

LORELAI

Who's Dan?

RICHARD

Come along, ladies.

LORELAI

Who's Dan?

EMILY

Button your coat.

LORELAI

Who's Dan?

RICHARD

Girls, I'd like you to meet Dan - the original Handsome Dan.

EMILY

The very first Yale mascot.

RORY

Oh, my.

RICHARD

Just look at him, will you. Strong, determined, the very essence of dignity.

LORELAI

Got cotton stuffed in his butt. How dignified is that?

RICHARD

You will not sully the name of Dan. This dog has been the inspiration for many a young man.

EMILY

And young woman.

RICHARD

We salute you, Dan.

EMILY

Time for a toast.

LORELAI

Seriously?

RICHARD

Oh, it's a tradition. Here we go. The Rory flask.

RORY

Oh.

RICHARD

And the fun flask.

EMILY

Thank you.

RICHARD

Lorelai?

LORELAI

Fun flask, please.

RICHARD

All right, give our boys the strength to do battle yet again for the honor of Yale, and help us send the Harvard boys home in a body bag. Dan, we salute you.

EMILY

To Dan.

LORELAI

To Dan.

RORY

To Dan.

LORELAI

Mm, I like football.

RICHARD

I must admit, throughout the years, I have often hoped to be able to share this day with my granddaughter. It's selfish, I know, but I am thrilled to be here with you, Rory.

LORELAI

To Rory. Two more of these and I'm gonna start to understand your outfit.

RICHARD

[chants] Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow, Eli Yale...

LORELAI

What is he doing?

CROWD

Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow...

LORELAI

[gasps] They're joining him.

RORY

Apparently, everyone has a fun flask.

EMILY

You know, Cole Porter wrote that song.

LORELAI

Was that before he learned to write songs?

CROWD

...That is the sign we hail! Bulldog, bulldog, bow wow wow, Eli Yale!

EMILY

All right, everyone, time to move on.

RICHARD

Yes, we have a lot of things to get to.

LORELAI

Yeah, I hear there's a squirrel encased in concrete next door. We have to burn incense, dance around his tail with nuts in our mouths.

EMILY

What can I possibly do to stop you?

LORELAI

A little more of the fun flask might do the trick.

EMILY

That's all until we eat.

RORY

Where are we going to eat?

RICHARD

Uh, it's a tailgate party.

LORELAI

I'm sorry, a what?

RICHARD

Oh, well, don't look so shocked, Lorelai. Tailgating was invented at Yale.

LORELAI

Tailgating like tailgating? Like a beer and a hot dog in the parking lot?

EMILY

Walk a little faster, please.

LORELAI

Did they say "tailgating"?

RORY

I think so.

LORELAI

I wanted to make sure it wasn't the fun flask talking.

EMILY

Girls.

LORELAI

Oh, so this is tailgating.

RORY

It smells so good.

LORELAI

[to a guy barbecuing] Hey, how are ya? Go, Yale, huh? Hi, I'm Lorelai.

BENNY

I'm Benny.

LORELAI

Wow, great to meet you, Benny. Tell me about this barbecue sauce.

EMILY

Please don't harass people. Your daughter goes to this school.

LORELAI

Hi, Mom, I'd like you to meet Benny. Benny, this is my mother, Emily. We were thinking a summer wedding.

EMILY

It's nice to meet you. We're over there.

LORELAI

I don't care where you are. I have found my place in life. It's here, right next to -

RORY

Oh, my God.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Look.

EMILY

Richard, make sure he doesn't burn those.

LORELAI

See ya, Benny. Okay, let's tailgate. I really like football.

LORELAI

How's that?

RICHARD

Oh, that's fine if we were in Utah.

LORELAI

Message received. [pours him some more]

EMILY

Don't keep drinking that, Richard. I'm making my Bloody Mary's.

RICHARD

You have been working on your Bloody Mary's for an hour now.

EMILY

Rome wasn't built in a day. [sets a glass on the table] Taste that, Lorelai.

LORELAI

[takes a sip] Ugh! Hooyah!

EMILY

Too strong?

LORELAI

Just a tad.

RORY

Yeah, I'm sitting across from it and I'm looking for a lampshade to wear.

EMILY

All right, all right.

RICHARD

Rory, come with me. I want to introduce you to some good friends of mine.

RORY

Sure.

EMILY

He is so proud of that girl.

LORELAI

I know.

EMILY

Sometimes that's all he can talk about.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, it's a pretty good subject.

RICHARD

[to a group of men] Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my granddaughter, Rory, class of 2007.

EMILY

So, any word from that little ex-hoodlum of hers?

LORELAI

No, Jess seems to be gone for good.

EMILY

How is she?

LORELAI

She's Rory. She's stoic. She's a lot like Dad.

EMILY

She is, isn't she? And what about you? Any men snooping around?

LORELAI

Uh, just on trash day.

EMILY

There must be someone.

LORELAI

No, no, no one.

EMILY

All right. Any weaker and it would simply be tomato juice.

LORELAI

Mm, very nice.

EMILY

Yes?

LORELAI

Mm.

EMILY

Perfect.

PARIS

Hi.

LORELAI

Hi, Paris.

PARIS

Is Rory here?

LORELAI

Oh, no, she's over there with her grandfather. She'll be right back. Mom, do you know Paris?

EMILY

Of course I know Paris. She came to Rory's sixteenth birthday party. Nice to see you again. Would you like some lemonade?

PARIS

No, thank you. I won't be here long. Oh, Rory, good. Here. [hands her a camera]

RORY

What's this?

PARIS

I want you to take a win/lose photo.

RORY

A what?

PARIS

A photo as if we won and a photo as if we lost. That way, I have it to remember the day by.

RORY

Why don't you just wait until we win or lose to take the photo?

PARIS

Oh, please, I'm already so bored out of my mind, I'm thinking of transferring to Princeton for the hell of it. There's no way I'm gonna make it to the game. Just take the picture so I can go home.

RORY

Okay. We won. [takes pictures] We lost. [takes picture] We're done.

PARIS

I'm out of here.

RICHARD

Oh, hello, Paris. Join us for some food?

PARIS

No, thanks, Richard. Oh, by the way, thanks again for introducing me to Asher Fleming.

RICHARD

Oh, did you get your interview?

PARIS

No, not yet, but I'm working on it.

RICHARD

Well, I pity him if he tries to resist too long.

PARIS

Oh, so do I. Bye.

RORY

Bye, Paris.

EMILY

She's an odd little duck, that one.

RICHARD

Don't I get one of those?

EMILY

Well, of course you do.

PENNILYN

Richard, Emily, hello.

EMILY

Pennilyn.

RICHARD

Nice to see you.

PENNILYN

How are things?

EMILY

Perfect. You?

PENNILYN

Lovely. How's work?

RICHARD

Just fine. How's Stephen?

PENNILYN

Oh, you know.

EMILY

This is our daughter, Lorelai, and our granddaughter, Rory.

PENNILYN

Hello.

EMILY

It's been so long, we must catch up.

PENNILYN

You'll call?

EMILY

Of course.

PENNILYN

Well, then...

LORELAI

Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart?

PENNILYN

Yes.

LORELAI

You're my almost-mommy.

PENNILYN

Well, I suppose you could put it that way.

LORELAI

I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony?

EMILY

I'll call you, Pennilyn.

PENNILYN

Uh, yes, I look forward to it.

LORELAI

Bye.

EMILY

Lorelai! Does anything work above your neck?

LORELAI

Ugh, what?

EMILY

What were you thinking?

LORELAI

I'm sorry, I was just trying to talk to her.

EMILY

We do not talk to Pennilyn Lott.

LORELAI

Ugh, I -

EMILY

We run into her once a year. We say hello, goodbye, and that is it. We do not have conversations, we do not talk about our lives.

LORELAI

But Mom -

EMILY

We do not joke with Pennilyn Lott. We do not refer to Pennilyn Lott as anything but Pennilyn Lott, and I would appreciate you remembering that.

LORELAI

Okay, seriously time for the fun flask.

LUKE

Hey, Patty.

MISS PATTY

Hi, sweetie.

LUKE

Gypsy.

GYPSY

Hey Luke.

LUKE

Reverend Skinner.

REVEREND

Afternoon, son.

LUKE

Oh, hey, Kirk, I got that cheese in you like.

KIRK

The Pepper Jack?

LUKE

Pepper Jack, yes. Anyway, it's here, it's in if you're coming by today.

KIRK

Okay.

LUKE

Are you?

KIRK

Am I coming by today?

LUKE

Yes.

KIRK

No, not today.

LUKE

Kirk, listen, I got that cheese just for you. Do not leave me with three pounds of Pepper Jack on my hands.

KIRK

I won't.

LUKE

What are you doing here anyway?

KIRK

Standing in line.

LUKE

Why are you standing in line?

KIRK

Because I'm a follower.

LUKE

Patty?

MISS PATTY

Yes, Luke?

LUKE

What are all these people standing in line for?

MISS PATTY

Well, it seems like such a nice day for pie.

LUKE

What's going on here?

KIRK

I'm sticking to the pie story.

LUKE

Why do you need a pie story, Kirk?

KIRK

Ask Gypsy.

GYPSY

Don't pawn this off on me.

LUKE

Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?

REVEREND

Luke -

LUKE

Oh, sorry, Reverend.

REVEREND

No, I was just gonna tell you what's going on.

LUKE

Oh, good. Go ahead.

REVEREND

We're all here for lunch.

LUKE

Since when does Weston's serve lunch?

MISS PATTY

We're sorry, Luke. We really are.

LUKE

You're sorry about what?

KIRK

About not eating at your diner anymore.

LUKE

You're not eating at my diner anymore? Why?

MISS PATTY

We hate the kid.

LUKE

Brennon?

KIRK

Brennon, Satan, whatever.

LUKE

Wait a minute, don't you think you're all just overreacting a little bit? He's just a kid.

GYPSY

A really weird kid. He'll be looking directly at you and start laughing. No one knows why. He's just there, laughing.

LUKE

He laughs? That's why you hate him? The kid laughs?

KIRK

You'd have to hear it.

LUKE

I don't believe you people. You've been coming to my diner for years, and now, all of a sudden, because I give a local kid a break, try to teach him a skill, give him a chance to get a little extra cash, a little independence, you all just up and leave? I mean, so he's not the most popular kid in town. If I remember correctly, I wasn't exactly the most popular kid in town either.

GYPSY

Yeah, but you didn't do that laughing thing.

LUKE

Yeah, whatever I did, I grew up, I got responsible. This town gave me a chance, and I proved them right. Now you're all just gonna stand there and tell me that that's it, that you've given out all the passes that you had and you're not coming to my diner anymore because you don't like Brennon? Well, fine. Fine! Do not come to my diner. From now on, every day is a nice day for pie.

LUKE

Just give me ten minutes.

RICHARD

I think I have officially eaten a third of a cow.

RORY

Mm, the steak is incredible.

EMILY

I'm glad you're all enjoying it. Lorelai, how's your steak?

LORELAI

Why do you ask?

EMILY

That's it. Hand over the flask.

LORELAI

I do not know what you're talking about. There's no flask here.

RORY

What's going on over there?

EMILY

Oh, Richard, it's Dan.

RICHARD

Dan? It's Dan! It's Dan!

LORELAI

I thought we already saw Dan.

EMILY

This is the current Dan.

RICHARD

Emily, get his bone.

EMILY

Got it. [they walk over to the dog] Here you go, Dan.

LORELAI

Enjoy it now. I just saw your future and it ain't good.

MARTY

Rory, hey.

RORY

Hey, did you see Dan?

MARTY

Well, you can't help it. He's everywhere today in one form or another.

RORY

I want you to meet my mom.

LORELAI

I'll distract them, and you make a run for it. Dan, are you listening to me? Stop eating. Your freedom's at stake here.

RORY

Mom?

LORELAI

I was just petting him.

RORY

I want you to meet Marty.

LORELAI

Oh, naked guy.

MARTY

You told your mother about me.

RORY

Um, yeah. Well, I included some anecdotes where you were actually clothed, too.

MARTY

Oh, I appreciate that.

RICHARD

And who is this young man?

RORY

This is Marty. He lives in my residence hall.

EMILY

It's very nice to meet you, Marty.

RICHARD

Why did my daughter just call you "naked guy"?

RORY

I now owe you money.

MARTY

I, uh, had an unfortunate experience with a keg and a party and a need to take my clothes off and fall asleep in a hallway.

EMILY

Oh, my goodness.

RICHARD

Oh, please, that's nothing. I was naked an entire month my sophomore year.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father."

RICHARD

I and a group of like-minded young men decided to protest the new dress code by wearing silk ties and nothing else. We were written up by the dean of admissions and threatened with expulsion. We were also suddenly very popular with the ladies.

EMILY

Ah, yes. This is exactly the kind of conversation I had hoped we would have with our granddaughter and her friend.

RICHARD

One night in the hallway does not a true naked guy make, my friend.

EMILY

Would you like to eat with us, Marty?

MARTY

Oh, I would love to. It looks amazing. But I have to go. There's kind of a party going on over on the lawn, and I actually came by to see if Rory wanted to stop by for a little while.

RORY

Oh, I can't.

RICHARD

Oh, nonsense, of course you can go. Go visit your friends. I insist.

RORY

Are you sure?

RICHARD

We've got plenty of time before the kickoff, go.

RORY

Okay.

EMILY

Take this with you.

MARTY

Thanks. It was nice meeting you. Obi-wan.

RICHARD

Hm.

RICHARD

I like that boy.

LORELAI

Prove it. Drop your pants.

EMILY

All right, come on.

LORELAI

Come on where?

EMILY

It's time to go to the ladies' room.

LORELAI

It is? Was there a memo, or...

EMILY

It's an hour before kickoff. The lines won't be long. Grab your purse. You'll thank me later.

LORELAI

I'll meet you right outside. [she walks over to a coffee kiosk] Coffee, please.

GUY

Here you go.

LORELAI

Thanks.

PENNILYN

Of course there's a line. Why wouldn't there be?

LORELAI

You know, you kind of want to hang out here anyhow.

PENNILYN

Why is that?

LORELAI

Some woman just took her forty-year-old son in there.

PENNILYN

No.

LORELAI

He might not be forty, but the images he's gathering up in there will last until he gets there.

PENNILYN

Why do women do that?

LORELAI

I don't know.

PENNILYN

When I was growing up, there was such a thing as modesty. I suppose that's not in fashion now.

LORELAI

Nope, modesty went punk.

PENNILYN

So, I hear you're opening an inn.

LORELAI

Well, trying to.

PENNILYN

That sounds very exciting.

LORELAI

It is.

EMILY

Pennilyn, we're just running into you all over the place.

PENNILYN

Yes, you are.

EMILY

Well, it's a nice treat. Enjoy the game.

PENNILYN

Same to you.

EMILY

Oops, the line's moving.

PENNILYN

Oh, I'll see you later.

EMILY

Yes. Let's go, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Did you see the woman with the forty-year-old kid?

RICHARD

Oh, Emily, good. I can't remember whether it's two shakes of Tabasco or four.

EMILY

I'll do it.

RICHARD

Mm. I did however remember how much vodka goes in there.

EMILY

You're going to have to move if you want me to make them.

RICHARD

But I don't want to move. I want to stand right here, dangerously close to my wife as long as... [a group of men starts singing]... Whiffenpoofs! [he goes over to sing with them]

EMILY

There's no celery. Sandy, I told you to cut enough celery for the entire day.

LORELAI

Ugh, he's gonna be in so much pain tomorrow.

EMILY

What is this? Sandy, what is this?

SANDY

It's the cookies.

EMILY

It's the cookies my granddaughter brought. I told you to place them on a doily, not just dump them on a plate.

SANDY

I'm sorry.

EMILY

Take them, fix them. And where's the celery?

LORELAI

Um, I can get you celery, Mom.

EMILY

I didn't hire you to get me celery.

LORELAI

I know, but I'm happy to help.

EMILY

Sandy, I don't want to ask you again.

LORELAI

Is something wrong, Mom?

EMILY

No, nothing's wrong.

RICHARD

These are the best Bloody Mary's I have ever tasted. Emily, let's give these boys some refreshments.

EMILY

We can't give them any refreshments because we don't have any celery even though I've been asking for it repeatedly for the last ten minutes.

RICHARD

We can drink them without celery.

EMILY

How does Pennilyn Lott know that Lorelai's opening an inn?

RICHARD

Excuse me?

EMILY

She knows that Lorelai's opening an inn. How did she know?

RICHARD

Well -

EMILY

I didn't tell her. I don't think Lorelai told her. I can't remember the last time Rory and Pennilyn had a hen party.

LORELAI

Um, Mom...

EMILY

Once a year - that's when we talk to her. Once a year, right here at the game. We say hello, we ask about her health, we ask about her children, and if Stephen's not here, we ask about him. How did she know?

RICHARD

I told her.

LORELAI

[to the Whiffenpoofs] Run.

EMILY

When?

RICHARD

About six months ago. We had lunch.

EMILY

Where?

RICHARD

At a restaurant.

EMILY

What restaurant?

RICHARD

You don't know it.

EMILY

Why don't I know it?

RICHARD

Because you've never been there.

EMILY

How do you know I've never been there? You don't know everything about me. I don't know everything about you. I didn't know you were having lunch with Pennilyn Lott. We obviously don't know everything about each other. What restaurant?

RICHARD

Adele's.

EMILY

I've never been there.

RICHARD

We just had lunch and talked. Two old friends.

EMILY

How nice. So, after all of these years of not having lunch and not talking, you two decide to get together and catch up. Whose idea was it?

RICHARD

Emily, could we discuss this in the trailer?

EMILY

We will discuss this right here. Whose idea was it?

RICHARD

I don't know. We've been having lunch once a year for many years. It's just a little tradition.

EMILY

Every year since when?

RICHARD

Every year since we got married. Emily, please don't make this more dramatic than it has to be.

EMILY

No, I certainly wouldn't want to do that.

RICHARD

Pennilyn and I are just friends. We just wanted to keep track of each other. That was it.

EMILY

So, you've lied to me for the last 39 years.

RICHARD

Well, she didn't tell Stephen. It was only lunch.

EMILY

Only lunch, yes.

RICHARD

Emily, I -

EMILY

I think you should go for a walk, Richard.

RICHARD

I'll be back before the game. [leaves]

LORELAI

Mom, I know it was wrong, but I'm sure Dad just didn't want to get you upset.

EMILY

Well, then perhaps he shouldn't have lied to me for the last 39 years. That's a surefire way not to get me upset.

LORELAI

That's true, but it was just lunch.

EMILY

It was lunch with Pennilyn Lott, Lorelai - the woman you insisted on talking to even though I told you not to.

LORELAI

I didn't -

EMILY

Your stubbornness is astounding to me. I asked you over and over to please refrain from talking to her.

LORELAI

You asked me once, and -

EMILY

But no, you had to push it, and now look what's happened! Are you happy?

LORELAI

Are you seriously blaming me for this?

EMILY

You had to talk to her!

LORELAI

I didn't have lunch with her, Mom. Dad did.

EMILY

I wouldn't have known! If you hadn't talked to her, I wouldn't have known, and everything would have been fine!

LORELAI

So you'd rather just be in denial about things, Mom?

EMILY

Everything would have been fine!

LORELAI

But Dad still would have been having lunch with this woman once a year.

EMILY

You weren't even supposed to come. It was supposed to be your father and me and Rory. You weren't supposed to come!

LORELAI

Okay!

JASON

This is Jason Stiles.

LORELAI

You still have those reservations?

JASON

Should I... no. Gonna let it go. I'll pick you up at eight.

LORELAI

Okay.

JASON

And wear something completely evil.

LORELAI

So, horns, tail, and my Wolfowitz t-shirt?

JASON

Perfect.

LORELAI

Bye.

JASON

Bye.

LORELAI

Oh, man, this place is crazy.

JASON

You know they flew in the top prostitutes from Hong Kong to work that coat check.

LORELAI

Oh, God, I hope that's true. Okay, is there a star? We need a star. Bingo.

JASON

Where?

LORELAI

Ted Koppel's here.

JASON

Where?

LORELAI

Right there.

JASON

Oh, dear, so he really does look like that. [to hostess] Uh, the name is Stiles, for two.

LORELAI

I love that Ted Koppel's here.

HOSTESS

Follow me.

LORELAI

Look how she seats us right away.

JASON

You like that, huh?

LORELAI

I do like that. Now, if she seats us next to Ted, we have to make sure to become his best friends so he invites us to all those famous newscaster parties.

JASON

Oh, that sounds fabulous.

HOSTESS

Miss?

LORELAI

Yes? Oh, me? Sorry. Thank you.

JASON

Thank you.

HOSTESS

Your waiter will be in in a moment. [leaves]

JASON

Nice, huh?

LORELAI

Yes, very nice. Quiet. You could hear a pin drop.

JASON

So, how are you feeling tonight? Red, white, or gin-soaked?

LORELAI

Red's good.

JASON

Red it is.

LORELAI

So, I'm sorry, is this where we're going to eat?

JASON

That's right.

LORELAI

Oh, okay. Did they run out of tables or something?

JASON

I requested this room.

LORELAI

You requested it?

JASON

Yes.

LORELAI

You asked for it on purpose?

JASON

Hey, it's very hard to get this room. Everybody wants it, and now we've got it.

LORELAI

Yes, we do, we have it. Lucky us. It's just that everything's kinda going on out there.

JASON

So?

LORELAI

Well, don't you wanna be out there with everybody else?

JASON

Why?

LORELAI

Because it's fun.

JASON

You know, all the people and the noise, you can't even hear yourself think.

LORELAI

But that's the point of coming to a place like this.

JASON

I thought the point of coming to a place like this would be to enjoy the food and the atmosphere.

LORELAI

Yes, but all of the atmosphere is out there.

JASON

You don't like the room.

LORELAI

No, it's... it is weird, you know. I mean, the two of us sitting all alone in here. I feel like we're quarantined. It's like the ebola room or something.

JASON

Okay, I don't know what to do.

LORELAI

Why don't we ask for a table out there?

JASON

Oh, no, the place is booked solid.

LORELAI

We could eat at the bar.

JASON

I don't eat at the bar.

LORELAI

Why not?

JASON

I don't like stools. Your feet hang.

LORELAI

Hey, this is a fancy place. Someone will hold them.

JASON

Maybe we should just go.

LORELAI

Oh, Jason...

JASON

No, you're uncomfortable. It's fine. Let's go. Ted would.

LORELAI

Oh.

JASON

We could go someplace else. You must be starving.

LORELAI

You know, I'm not. I had a lot of food today.

JASON

Right, you tailgated. Okay, so, home?

LORELAI

Okay, yeah, home's fine.

JASON

We could try this again some other time.

LORELAI

Uh huh, absolutely. Oh my God, I'm starving.

JASON

You just said you weren't.

LORELAI

Well, I lied.

JASON

Well, good, 'cause I'm starving, too.

LORELAI

Well, you should have said something.

JASON

Well, our date was dinner. It was implied.

LORELAI

Oh, okay, next exit.

JASON

What?

LORELAI

Get off at the next exit, do it, do it.

JASON

Okay, doing it, doing it, doing it, doing it.

LORELAI

Oh, this place, hands down, the best tacos on the East Coast. You're gonna be very happy.

JASON

Good to know.

EMPLOYEE

Welcome to Taco Barn, may I take your order?

LORELAI

Hi. Um, two tacos, an order of taquitos, a beef burrito with no onions, and, uh, don't bother bagging it, that'll just slow us down. Go ahead.

JASON

Uh, nothing for me.

LORELAI

What?

JASON

No, nothing, thanks.

LORELAI

You said you were starving.

JASON

Yeah, I'm just not big on Mexican food.

LORELAI

Trust me, this stuff bears no resemblance to Mexican food.

JASON

It's okay, I'm good.

LORELAI

Okay. Well, I'm not gonna eat if you're not gonna eat.

JASON

What is this, junior high?

LORELAI

No, no, I just, um... I don't wanna sit in a car and eat by myself.

JASON

Why?

LORELAI

Because it's not fun.

JASON

Well, does everything have to be fun for you?

LORELAI

When I'm on a date, yeah.

JASON

Oh, please, come on, just get the food.

LORELAI

No, no, let's go.

JASON

No, the tacos. You love the tacos.

LORELAI

I'm not hungry.

JASON

You are too hungry.

LORELAI

Forget it. Let's go.

JASON

Okay, I'm going.

JASON

I told you to get the tacos.

LORELAI

Let's not do this again, okay? I just need to eat something.

JASON

This is a supermarket.

LORELAI

I'm gonna throw my purse at you.

JASON

You have to cook anything you buy here.

LORELAI

Jason, come on.

JASON

Come on what?

LORELAI

There are a million things here. There's cheese and fruit and chips and a whole prepared-food section. Now grab this basket and look. Do you want to start with the salad?

JASON

Okay.

LORELAI

Okay. What did you just do?

JASON

I need razors.

LORELAI

No, no, this is an errand.

JASON

So?

LORELAI

So we're looking for food and you're running errands.

JASON

I'm a busy man. I don't have time to do these things.

LORELAI

We're on a date!

JASON

We're in a store, they're right there. Now I don't have to go tomorrow.

LORELAI

But a date isn't about convenience. You're not supposed to be thinking about the things you need. Oh, shoot, I'm out of toothpaste.

JASON

Grab it.

LORELAI

Where are you going?

JASON

I need hand soap.

LORELAI

All right. I'll grab some paper towels and meet you in the prepared-food section.

JASON

Fine. Uh, which way is detergent?

LORELAI

That way.

JASON

[calls] Hey, you need peas? 'Cause there's two for one.

LORELAI

Uh, no, I'm good.

JASON

I'm getting you a couple anyhow.

LORELAI

Where are you?

JASON

Uh, let's see, there's Jell-o and tiny cocktail wieners.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm one aisle over.

JASON

I'll be right there. [walks to her aisle] Boy, I gotta tell you, the advice about not shopping hungry couldn't be truer.

LORELAI

Good Lord, that's a lot of food.

JASON

Well, it's not all just food.

LORELAI

So you won't eat fast food, but Sno Balls are okay?

JASON

I've never eaten them. I was curious.

LORELAI

Sno Balls. Pink marshmallow coconut balls.

JASON

You wouldn't be curious about pink marshmallow coconut balls? Who makes these? How did the decision to dye the coconut pink occur? Why are they shaped like a chest? Is there any dessert on the fact of the planet that could stimulate this much debate?

LORELAI

I don't know.

JASON

What are you looking for?

LORELAI

Well, they usually have the mini size of these chips.

JASON

Get the big one.

LORELAI

I grab them on the way out of the house and this won't fit in my purse.

JASON

Well, they must have them. Hold on.

LORELAI

Where are you going?

JASON

Just watch my Sno Balls, please.

LORELAI

Not on the first date, mister.

JASON

Let's go.

LORELAI

Where?

JASON

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.

EMPLOYEE

Ten minutes.

JASON

That's all we need.

LORELAI

What are we doing here?

JASON

We're looking for your chips.

LORELAI

Seriously?

JASON

Well, this is where they keep the goods.

LORELAI

How did you get the guy to let us in the back room?

JASON

Talking people into doing things that they don't wanna do happens to be my specialty.

LORELAI

Ooh, look, a time clock. Let's clock in. Do you wanna be Lucy or Jamal?

JASON

Uh, either one. What were the chips you like?

LORELAI

Sour cream and onion.

JASON

Ah, got 'em.

LORELAI

Oh, it's just like heaven.

JASON

Here. Wanna do the honors?

LORELAI

Ooh, I feel so powerful.

JASON

Well, you're holding a knife. Being armed does that to people. Wow, Cap'n Crunch. I lived on Cap'n Crunch in college.

LORELAI

Cut him.

JASON

Cut Cap'n Crunch? That seems a bit severe.

LORELAI

Trust me, he's got it coming.

JASON

Okay, I just hope Jamal doesn't get busted for this.

LORELAI

Mac and cheese?

JASON

Yeah, please, delicious.

LORELAI

Mm.

JASON

You know, I must say, this is a pretty nice spread we put together here.

LORELAI

A little ingenuity.

JASON

It's too bad they stop selling alcohol after 9:30. I mean, not that I need to be drunk to have dinner with you.

LORELAI

Oh, the fun flask.

JASON

Excuse me?

LORELAI

I swiped the fun flask.

JASON

So, tell me something.

LORELAI

Yes?

JASON

Why'd you change your mind?

LORELAI

No reason.

JASON

You seemed to be pretty determined.

LORELAI

Yes, I did.

JASON

And you had some pretty good logic backing you up.

LORELAI

I always do.

JASON

So between the phone call where you said no and eight hours ago, what happened?

LORELAI

Well, I went to the Harvard-Yale game with Rory and my parents.

JASON

Yes, that's how I get all of my girls.

LORELAI

And, um, there was this thing with my mother. And it just, uh... well, she was just... I thought, and... so here we are?

JASON

So here we are. Um, listen... whatever it is your mother did today, do you think she might do it again tomorrow night?

LORELAI

I think there's an excellent possibility.

JASON

Okay, I'm gonna go for the giant egg rolls. Do you want one?

LORELAI

Yes, please, and don't forget the hot mustard.

JASON

Right.

LORELAI

Hello?

RORY

So how was it?

LORELAI

It's still going on.

RORY

Really, how dirty.

LORELAI

We're at the West Hills market drinking booze out of paper cups.

RORY

Really, how pathetic.

LORELAI

He made sure I got my potato chips.

RORY

Really, how confusing.

LORELAI

I'll explain later. How are the grandparents?

RORY

Not speaking.

LORELAI

Must have been one hell of a game.

RORY

I read.

LORELAI

I'm sorry I bailed.

RORY

You owe me nothing but the gory details.

LORELAI

I might like him.

RORY

Just remember, you're sleeping with every single person he's ever slept with.

LORELAI

Thank you for that.

RORY

Call me tomorrow.

LORELAI

You got it.