T5E10: “But Not as Cute as Pushkin”

PATTY

Whoa, honey.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

PATTY

Goodness, what's left to wear on your feet?

LORELAI

I know it's a sickness. Everyone thinks it started with Bradshaw but actually it came over on the Mayflower.

PATTY

What a wonderful history lesson.

LORELAI

Anytime.

PATTY

Pasqualie's feeling unappreciated again.

LORELAI

We had 'Stars Hollow Loves Pasqualie Day' last week.

PATTY

Didn't stick. Oh, listen. I want to invite you to my anniversary party.

LORELAI

Absolutely. Which husband?

PATTY

Oh, no husband, honey. I'm talking about a lover that's been much more loyal and seductive than a husband. I'm talking about that business we call show.

LORELAI

Ah.

PATTY

Forty years.

LORELAI

No.

PATTY

Forty years ago today I did my first play off Broadway.

LORELAI

[awed] Off Broadway.

PATTY

Cleveland.

LORELAI

That is off Broadway.

PATTY

Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party. Food, booze, a little song, a little dance. A little salsa down your pants.

LORELAI

Well, count me and my pants in.

PATTY

Oh, wonderful!

LORELAI

[picking up her bag] I will even drag Luke there. So if there's any audience participation, please pick on him.

PATTY

Oh, Luke won't come.

LORELAI

Sure, he will. I have very effective methods of persuasion. They include extremely high heels and all of Jessica Simpson's bath products.

PATTY

Oh, no, honey. The party's on Tuesday the 30th.

LORELAI

So?

PATTY

So, the 30th is the dark day

LORELAI

[dropping her bag again] What dark day?

PATTY

Luke's dark day. The day that he disappears.

LORELAI

Disappears where?

PATTY

Nobody knows. Nobody knows where he goes or what he does. All we know is not to try and find him.

LORELAI

Why didn't I know about this?

PATTY

I don't know, honey. Everyone else does. Anyhow you come yourself, ok? Eight o' clock.

LORELAI

I'll be there. See you Tuesday, Patty. [Walks into shop] Oh Pasqualie, the maestro! My god, you look virile today. Are you sure your wife won't share you?

PATTY

[watching Lorelai] Oh, she's good.

PARIS

I don't agree.

TERRANCE

You're living in a fantasy world.

PARIS

I have classes all day long.

TERRANCE

I hear you protesting.

PARIS

I've got a double major of Poly Psy and Bio Chem, Terrance.

TERRANCE

I see you over-scheduling.

RORY

Sorry, I'm just getting water, here.

TERRANCE

Paris, you're not yelling at me. You're yelling at the world.

PARIS

I'm not yelling at all. This is the natural register of my voice.

TERRANCE

It's the register of a timid little girl, who is not putting her self out there.

PARIS

I am putting myself out there.

TERRANCE

Why are you arguing with Terrance? Why?

PARIS

Look, I know I haven't dated lately but Asher was very important to me.

RORY

Hey Paris? I can't find my notebook. The black one with all my yellow notes in it.

TERRANCE

You have not put yourself out there.

PARIS

He just died.

TERRANCE

Oh for god's sake! He was halfway dead when you met him. [to Rory] Rory, has she been putting herself out there or not?

RORY

Out where?

TERRANCE

Out in the world. Has she tried to meet men since Asher died?

PARIS

You don't just meet people. It doesn't happen.

RORY

Um, I'll just go in my room now.

TERRANCE

Look at your dream log. You are months behind. And your pretty-thoughts journal.

PARIS

Ok, fine. I have neglected thinking pretty, but I hardly think I should be penalized for time lost while you were in court ordered rehab.

RORY

[picking up a note by the phone] Hey, Paris? What's this?

TERRANCE

I had a back problem. The prescription was at home in my Filofax.

RORY

This is a message from Headmaster Charleston. When did Headmaster Charleston call?

PARIS

Earlier.

RORY

And you didn't tell me?

PARIS

I'm in session.

RORY

[on phone] Hello, Headmaster Charleston? This is Rory Gilmore. I'm sorry it took so long to call you back. I just got your message.

TERRANCE

[to Rory] Sweetie, that was a little passive-aggressive. We should talk later.

RORY

So, um, how are you? [Rory goes into her room and closes the door]

HDM. CHARLESTON

I'm very well. How are you enjoying Yale?

RORY

I love it.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Is it everything you thought it would be?

RORY

It's nothing like I thought it would be. It's better actually.

HDM. CHARLESTON

I have no doubt. Now, I'm calling because we often ask a former Chilton student to host a prospective Yale student for a few days. Show them around. Let them observe classes, campus life. That sort of thing. I was wondering if you'd be interested.

RORY

Me?

HDM. CHARLESTON

Yes. This is a very special young lady. Bright, focused, quietly determined. She reminds me a great deal of you.

RORY

Thank you.

HDM. CHARLESTON

I assume you haven't changed.

RORY

Well, I've upgraded the wardrobe a little bit but I'm basically still me.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Excellent. Then I hope you'll consider accepting. I know your workload must be substantial.

RORY

That's ok I can handle it.

HDM. CHARLESTON

So I can take that as a yes?

RORY

Yes. Take it as a yes and thank you. I'm honored.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Her name is Anna Fairchild. She's 16 years old and she'll be arriving Monday morning at nine o' clock. Does that work for you?

RORY

That works perfectly.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Very well, it's a date. I'm very glad to talk to you again, Ms. Gilmore. Yale certainly sounds like its agreeing with you. I hope it will also agree with Ms. Fairchild.

RORY

Like Sabrina!

HDM. CHARLESTON

I beg your pardon?

RORY

Sabrina Fairchild. That was her name.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Have we segued into discussing a movie?

RORY

And we can segue right out again.

HDM. CHARLESTON

I'm very grateful for that. All right then, my office will be contacting you with the particulars. I hope you have a wonderful time. I'm sure Ms. Fairchild will.

RORY

Thank you, Headmaster Charleston. I won't let you down.

HDM. CHARLESTON

What a nice thing to hear. I'm sure we'll be talking soon. Goodbye.

RORY

Goodbye. [Hangs up]

RICHARD

Well this is a very big honor, you know.

RORY

Oh, I know.

RICHARD

Of all the Chilton alumni at Yale they're asking you?

RORY

I know, I know.

RICHARD

Well, have you thought about what kind of things you'd like to show her?

RORY

Well, she'll go to all of my classes with me, of course. And I thought maybe she'd go to the paper with me and then I thought maybe a trip to the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library.

RICHARD

Oh, you're going to show her the Gutenberg.

LORELAI

Steve?

RICHARD

Bible.

LORELAI

Right.

RORY

Then I was torn between taking her to the Hewitt Memorial Quadrangle or the Science Center and Gymnasium.

RICHARD

Huh, that is a conundrum.

LORELAI

Yeah, especially since she'll be snoring by then. You'll just be dragging her dead body weight around the campus.

RICHARD

Lorelai, these things are of great interest to any young person considering attending Yale.

LORELAI

Oh, I am sure.

RORY

I, personally, would enjoy every single thing on my list.

LORELAI

Yes, I know, but it wouldn't hurt to maybe throw a little something fun in. I'm not talking a kegger, but just walk her by the crazy drama students yelling "Give me a location," or something like that.

RICHARD

You know, your mother may be right.

LORELAI

Who heard that?

RICHARD

Well, a good college experience is a well-rounded college experience. It's important for you to show her that Yale students have fun too. Oh! Have her touch the toe!

RORY

Yeah!

LORELAI

Touch the toe?

RORY

The toe! The statue of Theodore Woolsey. It brings good luck to everyone who touches his feet and for that reason he has one left toe that's been rubbed completely shiny.

LORELAI

Wow! That is fun. Make sure you get a parent consent form for that one.

RICHARD

Oh, its so exciting watching you at Yale. It was such a wonderful time for me. The people that you meet there will stay with you for the rest of your life, mark my words. Tell me are you making good friends?

RORY

Yeah, I have some good friends.

RICHARD

And what about Mr. Huntzberger?

LORELAI

Who is Mr. Huntzberger?

RORY

Um, Logan Huntzberger is a boy I go to school with.

RICHARD

A fine boy from a fine family.

LORELAI

You know him?

RICHARD

His parents are very good friends of ours. Oh, you know Mitchum Huntzberger, Lorelai.

LORELAI

No.

RICHARD

He's been coming to our Christmas parties for years.

LORELAI

No.

RICHARD

His mother's on the pediatric hospital committee with your mother.

LORELAI

Oh! No.

RICHARD

Well, Logan is their son and I noticed that you two seemed to be hitting it off the other night.

LORELAI

The other night?

RORY

He's very nice, Grandpa.

RICHARD

Now I don't want to be too forward, but you made a handsome couple.

LORELAI

Uh, was Logan at the male-Yale party that you guys threw?

RORY

He was the one that gave me a ride home, Mom.

LORELAI

Oh! Limo boy. Swell.

RORY

He's also on the paper with me.

RICHARD

You know, his father owns some of the finest newspapers in the country.

RORY

I know.

RICHARD

Not a bad connection, huh? Nope, not a bad connection at all.

LORELAI

Hey. So tell me about this Logan.

RORY

Its three degrees out here!

LORELAI

Uh, as of tonight, my father knows way more personal dish about you than I do. That's not right or fair. He doesn't get as much enjoyment out of the dish as I do. With him the dish is always half empty.

RORY

You're just talking to keep yourself warm, aren't you?

LORELAI

What is the deal with this guy? Are you dating?

RORY

No, we're not dating. He's just a friend.

LORELAI

How close? For example, if you freeze to death will he come to the funeral or just send a nice fruit basket?

RORY

I know him from school. He's just a casual friend. That's it.

LORELAI

Do you think he's cute?

RORY

It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.

LORELAI

Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.

RORY

Mom, I'm not dating Logan or anyone. I'm taking a boy break. Okay? I'm just concentrating on school. That's it.

LORELAI

Fine, but if that changes?

RORY

You'll be the first to know.

LORELAI

Okay, thank you. Cause there are not many ways I can outdo my father. Info on you and looking better in chiffon, that's about it. Oh and my pole dance is way hotter.

RORY

I'm frozen now.

LORELAI

Okay, let's go.

LORELAI

In my hand, ladies and gentlemen, sits the true advantage of dating a diner owner. I am never more than ten feet away from pie.

LUKE

Ah. See, I thought it was the way we always smell faintly of meat.

LORELAI

[climbs into bed] Ah! Its heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka, but hotter.

LUKE

I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.

LORELAI

Slap on a purple top hat and you're close. [Luke gets into bed] This is nice.

LUKE

Mm-hmm.

LORELAI

I think its going very well, you and me. Do you think its going very well?

LUKE

[rubbing Lorelai's leg] I have very few complaints.

LORELAI

Hmm, I'm going right past the "very few complaints" comment because I know you're just trying to bait me. What complaints? [Luke chuckles]Hey, so Luke, Miss Patty is celebrating her forty year anniversary.

LUKE

Which husband?

LORELAI

With the business we call show.

LUKE

Oh, him.

LORELAI

And she's having a big party and I told her we'd go.

LUKE

Oh man.

LORELAI

It'll be fun.

LUKE

It will not be fun.

LORELAI

She'll be wearing tap shoes. There'll be songs and punch and at least one story about Milton Berle's penis.

LUKE

Only one?

LORELAI

Come on! I have to have you there. Otherwise people will think I made you up.

LUKE

Fine, I'll go.

LORELAI

Thank you. Okay, so its Tuesday at Eight o' clock.

LUKE

I can't go Tuesday.

LORELAI

Why not?

LUKE

I have to go out of town.

LORELAI

Why?

LUKE

Business.

LORELAI

Business? Now your Willy Loman?

LUKE

Banking business in Woodbury. Standing appointment. Sorry. Hit the light, will ya? [kisses Lorelai] I have to get up early. Night.

LORELAI

[disappointed] Ok, night.

RORY

Wait 'til you see all the stuff I got for Anna. Yale t-shirt, bulldog sweatshirt, Yale baseball cap, visor, coffee mug. I told you to open a window when your hot-gluing in here.

PARIS

Its freezing outside.

RORY

Oh wait. This is new. They just came out with these. The Yale soda-cozy. How cute is that?

PARIS

I can't believe you. You don't even have your loser card-swiping job anymore and you're buying all this crap for some kid you don't even know.

RORY

I'm trying to make her feel welcome.

PARIS

Oh she'll feel welcome. They all feel welcome.

RORY

Whose they?

PARIS

The enemy.

RORY

What enemy?

PARIS

Any girl under the age of 17 is the enemy.

RORY

Ok, I'm opening a window now. [walks to the window]

PARIS

They're coming for everything. They're going to take our jobs, our thunder, our starter husbands.

RORY

Don't you have a class to get to? [opens the window]

PARIS

They're coming, Rory. They're coming and they're going to keep on coming like the locusts descending on Mankato. We'll be beating them off for the rest of our lives.

RORY

Please don't be here when she arrives. I don't want you to scare her off.

PARIS

Me scare her off? Please, she's the one with the alabaster skin and perky breasts.

RORY

Do not say perky breasts to her. Do you understand me?

PARIS

Eve Harrington has arrived.

ANNA

Hi. I'm looking for Rory Gilmore.

RORY

I'm Rory. You must be Anna.

ANNA

Yes.

RORY

Great, come in. Did you find it okay?

ANNA

I got lost a couple of times, but people were really nice and got me here.

PARIS

Yeah, it's a friendly world out there. Isn't it?

RORY

Anna, this is my roommate, Paris, and I'm sorry.

ANNA

For what?

RORY

Trust me.

ANNA

Ok.

RORY

Ok, let me show you around the place. That is Paris' room.

PARIS

Don't go in.

RORY

That is my room and this is the common room, which is also your bedroom. Bathroom is literally outside the door and there's a fridge with water or soda or whatever you want. Oh and I got you some 'Welcome to Yale' gifts.

ANNA

Oh, really? Thank you.

RORY

I'm really glad you're here. You are going to love Yale. It's an amazing place. I mean I was excited when I first started here, but every day is different and better. You have no idea how much there is to learn. It's -- Well you'll see.

MARTY

Okay, I actually snagged us some caviar. They were all out of toast points, but I think we can use Doritos and achieve a very similar result. [seeing Anna] Hey.

RORY

This is Anna.

MARTY

[gasps] Did Paris move?

PARIS

I'm right here, Marty.

MARTY

I know, Paris.

RORY

Anna, is from Chilton, my alma mater and I'm showing her around Yale for a couple of days.

MARTY

Oh, cool.

MARTY

I'll put this in the fridge... [Paris coughs] ...in my room.

RORY

Thanks. Ok, you ready?

ANNA

I'm ready. You have boys bringing you food!

RORY

Yale is a magical place, Anna. A magical, magical place.

RORY

The oldest part of the campus is, of course, the old campus. And it houses much of the undergraduate freshman class. It was begun by Theodore Dwight Woolsey, president of Yale from 1846 to 1871. [Stops at bench] Over here is the Elihu Yale bench. Now Eli Yale was an officer in the British East India Company. He gave what was then called the Collegiate School 562 pounds, 417 books and a portrait of King George the first and so it was renamed in his honor. He actually gave an additional 500 pounds to the school, but Yale College never received it because he mistakenly sent it to the non-existent Collegiate School, apparently forgetting that Yale was named after him. [stops] Oh wait. This is the wrong bench. So keep the story but cross out the diagram. Moving on.

RORY

There's actually an ongoing rumor that you can automatically graduate and earn your degree if you become sufficiently fluent in Latin, Greek and Hebrew. Imagine all the tables you could wait with those skills, huh? [stops at door] Okay, you are about to get a first-hand feel of what it's like to work on a real newspaper. Now, be prepared. It can be an extremely hectic and fast-paced environment. Don't get intimidated and don't get in the way. Ready? Here it is.[They enter the room. It is mostly empty, save for a few people sitting around, doing nothing.] Everyone must be out getting a scoop or something, but you just wait. It could heat up in a second and when it does, man, watch out. My desk is over here.

PARIS

I do not care.

DOYLE

Hey! I am the editor, Paris, and I demand that you tell me.

PARIS

I won't tell you where I got it, Doyle.

DOYLE

You will if you want to stay on this newspaper.

RORY

Okay, you are now privy to one of the classic journalist dilemmas between reporter and editor, the right to withhold and protect sources.

DOYLE

Dammit, Paris, you tell me where you got that pen right now.

PARIS

The pen fairy.

DOYLE

That was one of my personal fine point, gel tip pens from my bottom right-hand drawer and you went into that drawer and you took that pen and its mine.

RORY

Ok, for 'fine point gel tip' substitute 'confidential source deep within the administration.' Hmm, you get a little thrill. Don't you? [Phone rings]

DOYLE

And so help me . . .

RORY

Hang on a second. [on phone] Hey

LORELAI

Question. Have you ever heard anything about Luke's dark day?

RORY

His what?

LORELAI

Well, one day a year he apparently has a dark day. No one knows where he goes or what he does. He just disappears.

RORY

I've heard nothing about this.

LORELAI

Ok, well, did we see him on November 30th last year?

RORY

How am I supposed to know?

LORELAI

Because, you keep all those crazy, anal, Bob Graham kind of notebooks.

RORY

I do not have my diaries from last November on me, at the moment.

LORELAI

But you do have them?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

And they will contain where we ate breakfast that morning?

RORY

[embarrassed] Yes.

LORELAI

I love my little circus freak.

RORY

I'll call you later.

LORELAI

Hey! Did your mini-me show up?

RORY

Yeah, Anna. She's right here.

LORELAI

How's the tour going?

RORY

Its going great!

LORELAI

How many boring bench lectures did you give?

RORY

Two, but they were about the same bench.

LORELAI

[ Kirk appears in front of her.] You know what, I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later.

RORY

Ok, say 'Hi' to Kirk for me.

LORELAI

Ok, bye. [hangs up] Kirk, what can I do for you?

KIRK

I have a business proposition for you.

LORELAI

Okay.

KIRK

How often do you slip in your tub?

LORELAI

Never.

KIRK

Okay, it doesn't work if you answer like that.

LORELAI

Constantly. I never stop slipping even when I get out.

KIRK

I thought so. Then my new line of bath and shower adhesive decals are for you. [Hands her a catalog]

LORELAI

Huh! Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

KIRK

Yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.

LORELAI

Well, Kirk, this looks very impressive. . . [flipping through catalog] and, wow, very expensive.

KIRK

Well its yesterday's retro designs in today's fashion colors with tomorrow's traction technology.

LORELAI

Hmm, well, why don't you leave the catalog with me and I'll look it over.

KIRK

Could you look at it now? It's the only one I have. [They sit.] I like that one. If you put the fish's faces together, it looks like they're kissing.

LORELAI

[chuckles] Oh! Hey, Kirk, do you know anything about Luke's dark day?

KIRK

Everyone knows about Luke's dark day.

LORELAI

Do you know what it is?

KIRK

Not the details. Just that he has it once a year. I think it goes back a long, long time.

LORELAI

Yeah?

KIRK

Sure, I mean Luke's always had a touch of darkness in him. I guess we all do but Luke's a little more touched than some. He's kind of grabbed actually.

LORELAI

What do you think it's about?

KIRK

When I was in 7th grade, Luke knocked the books out of my hands.

LORELAI

[intrigued] Because of his dark day?

KIRK

No, everyone knocked my books out of my hands. I was kind of a target. I used to wear a cape to school.

LORELAI

Hmm.

RORY

Now, outside, we just passed the women's table which was designed by Maya Lin. She's also the one who designed the Vietnam War Memorial which, by the way, originally was a class project for which she received a B. The teacher who gave her the B also submitted a design for the war memorial, but hers was chosen. His was not. That's a life lesson to remember. This is Sterling Memorial Library, one of my favorite places on campus. It was built in 1930 and it houses over one third of the university's ten million volumes. I love libraries. I spend I can't tell you how many hours just -- [looking at Anna] You're not writing.

ANNA

Oh, sorry.

RORY

So, I come her sometimes late at night --

ANNA

I just love how everybody's dressed.

RORY

What?

ANNA

No uniforms. I love that there's no uniforms. College to me means no more uniforms.

RORY

Oh, right. However, wait 'til you're late to class and it takes you 20 minutes to put together an outfit. Suddenly you'll miss those uniforms.

ANNA

How many guys have you dated since you've been here?

RORY

Oh. Well, none from Yale. Anyhow, the books. Are you seeing the books? Everything you'd want to read is right here? [Picking up book] Feel it. Feels good, right? Now smell it. [inhales and sighs] Nothing, nothing smells like that! [Logan enters]

LOGAN

I'm sorry, excuse me, did I just see you smell that book?

RORY

[embarrassed] Hey, Logan.

LOGAN

Hey, Ace. Who's your friend?

RORY

Oh, um, Anna, this is Logan. Logan, this is Anna. She's from my high school. I'm showing her around campus.

ANNA

Hi

LOGAN

High school? No, I would've sworn you were a college girl. [Anna giggles] So is she showing you a good time?

RORY

I'm showing her everything important.

LOGAN

Hmm, good. Make sure she takes you by the pub. Local place, everyone goes there.

RORY

I'm not taking her to the pub.

ANNA

Oh, please? The pub sounds fun.

LOGAN

You don't have to drink. They do have coffee. It's a cool scene. Make her take you. Bring a book to sniff.

RORY

What are you doing in the library anyhow?

LOGAN

I got lost. Don't tell anyone I was here. It'll ruin my rep. Anna, it's been a pleasure. See you, Ace. [Logan exits]

ANNA

He's cute.

RORY

Yes, he is. But not as cute as Pushkin. Right this way, missy.

LUKE

Fine! Do whatever you want!

MRS. THOMPSON

Well, I'm sorry you're so upset.

LUKE

You're giving me a week's notice! What am I supposed to do with a week's notice?

MRS. THOMPSON

Well, my son just called me from Florida to tell me about the condo, Luke.

LUKE

Fine! Go enjoy Florida. I hear they have great weather there. Terrific hurricanes. Make sure you bring plenty of plywood and bottled water!

LORELAI

Hey, hi, hello.

LUKE

What are you doing here?

LORELAI

I was just driving down the street and saw you and thought I'd stop by and say "Hey, hi, hello." Hello, Mrs. Thompson.

MRS. THOMPSON

Hello, dear.

LORELAI

So, what's going on?

LUKE

Nothing. Nothing's going on.

MRS. THOMPSON

Luke, please understand. There's nothing I can do. I've already found someone to rent the house and they have cars.

LUKE

And you just agreed to that?

MRS. THOMPSON

It seemed rather reasonable to me.

LUKE

Oh, come on.

LORELAI

[confused] Um . . .

MRS. THOMPSON

Luke's very upset with me.

LORELAI

Why?

MRS. THOMPSON

Well, his father rented the garage. He was building a boat and he didn't have room at his place. So he paid me to do it here and then when he died Luke continued to pay for the garage and now I'm moving to a nursing home and I need him to move his boat.

LORELAI

[to Luke] Wait, you're mad because this little, old lady is moving to nursing home and you have move your boat? Is this really the story you want to stick to?

LUKE

She called me out of blue and I paid for an entire month.

MRS. THOMPSON

I can give you a partial refund if you like.

LUKE

Where am I supposed to find a space to store a boat on a moment's notice, huh? Did you think about that for even a second?

MRS. THOMPSON

Could we sit down? The doctor says the screw in my hip is loose.

LORELAI

Yes. Yes, let's sit. Let's sit and calmly try to figure this out.

LUKE

No. No, I've got it figured out. Just haul it off. Trash it.

MRS. THOMPSON

Haul what off?

LORELAI

The boat?

LUKE

Yes, the boat. Scrap it. Find somebody to drag it away and cut it up for firewood.

LORELAI

Oh, now Luke.

MRS. THOMPSON

Who's going to haul it off?

LUKE

Anyone. Just find a guy with a truck and a hook. He'll strap it on and drive it away and send me the bill. I'm done. [Luke walks away]

LORELAI

Luke! [to Mrs. Thompson] I'll be right back. [Chasing Luke] Luke, stop! What, what and what?

LUKE

I have been paying that woman every month for 15 years.

LORELAI

Luke, she moving to a nursing home.

LUKE

And my dad was paying her every month 20 years before that!

LORELAI

Nursing home, Luke.

LUKE

I know where she's going!

LORELAI

She's not trying to hurt you.

LUKE

Whatever. [Starts to walk away]

LORELAI

Hey! Where are you going?

LUKE

Back to the diner.

LORELAI

Let me drive you.

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

Luke, I can drive you back to the diner. I promise if we pass any senior citizens I'll let you jump out and pants them.

LUKE

Fine.

LORELAI

And over here we have the world famous Luke's diner, home of the best coffee on the east coast and the most delightful and chatty proprietor since Mel kissed Flo's grits. [Luke is quiet and makes no attempt to get out.] Okay, well, I should get back to the inn. [Luke is still quiet] I hope you've enjoyed your tour and don't forget to buy yourself a souvenir plastic monkey on the way out.

LUKE

Tomorrow's the anniversary of my dad's death.

LORELAI

[sympathetic] Ugh. Oh, hon.

LUKE

And every year on that anniversary I, uh, I disappear. I don't work. I don't talk to anyone. I get in this kind of a funk. Its like I'm --

LORELAI

You have a dark day.

LUKE

Yeah, I have a dark day. I thought I should tell you this because we're in relationship and I thought you might wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone or I'm not around. Why you can't flip your hair and con me into going to Miss Patty's crazy anniversary party.

LORELAI

The hair flip is that effective, huh?

LUKE

Combine that with your black dress and you could probably get me to be your backup dancer.

LORELAI

I'll remember that.

LUKE

I've never told anyone this before. I don't really like to talk about it.

LORELAI

I guess that explains the thing with Mrs. Thompson.

LUKE

Yeah. Some timing, her springing this boat thing on me now. I'll apologize to her. [Sighs]You know he never finished that boat. It's been sitting there half done for 15 years.

LORELAI

Hey, Luke, don't you think you might have been a little too hasty about the boat decision. I mean your upset and I bet someday you're gonna be really sorry you don't have that boat anymore.

LUKE

No, its better she gets rid of the thing now.

LORELAI

But --

LUKE

I haven't even looked at that boat since my dad got sick. Not a glance, nothing.

LORELAI

Even more reason.

LUKE

If its gone then I don't have to deal with it. Its time to move on. You know?

LORELAI

But --

LUKE

I'm fine. Really. Thanks for the ride.

LORELAI

Anytime.

ANNA

I love it here.

RORY

You love it here? We just walked in.

ANNA

I know but it feels so collegiate.

RORY

Actually, you know what is great about this place?

ANNA

Eli Yale drank here?

RORY

No, they make amazing cappuccinos. Do you want one?

ANNA

Yeah.

RORY

Ok you go sit and I'll get the coffees. [Anna sits and Rory walks up to the bar.] Two cappuccinos, please.

MARTY

Hey.

RORY

Hi. You just get here?

MARTY

Yep.

RORY

You want a - [gestures to the bar]

MARTY

Yes, please.

RORY

[to bartender] I'm sorry, could you make that three cappuccinos?

MARTY

So, how's it going?

RORY

I think I may have overwhelmed Anna. Her hand cramped up about an hour ago and its been spasming ever since.

MARTY

Where is she?

RORY

She's right - [sees Anna at a table talking to two boys.] I turn around for one minute.[walks to table] Excuse me.

ANNA

Oh, Rory! Mark and Matthew were just telling me about a great party tonight.

RORY

Really? Well, that was very nice of them. Thank you. Matthew and Mark, was it?

MARK

That's right.

RORY

Well, how biblical. Ok, well, our schedule is completely full at the moment. [Anna's face falls] But if that changes, if things lighten up or if she suddenly ages two years in the next three hours, then we'll know where to find you. Ok? Bye-bye now. Bye-bye.

MARK

[getting up] We'll be over here, just in case.

ANNA

Rory!

RORY

Anna!

ANNA

Well, this is so not fair. [Marty sits down with the coffees.] You get to talk to boys.

RORY

What?

ANNA

Well, you were over there talking to Marty.

RORY

That's different. Marty is just a friend. [Marty's face falls.] Which is another great thing about college. You learn to have guy friends. Nothing romantic, just a good pal. Those boys are not interested in your friendship, unless the word friendship is tattooed on your butt. Now, drink your coffee. It's good, huh?

ANNA

Can I sleep with the TV on?

RORY

Um, yeah, as long as you don't wake Paris up, and that advice is for your own good.

ANNA

And if I can't go to sleep?

RORY

Then you don't go to sleep.

ANNA

I love that! I love not having someone to tell me when to go to sleep.

RORY

Yes, it's great.

ANNA

[Giddy]

I love sleeping with the TV on, and I love having no parents around, and I love cappuccino, and I love apple muffins, and I love college!

PARIS

What's she on?

RORY

Four cappuccinos and three Red Bulls from the fridge.

PARIS

Enjoy your night. How do I look?

RORY

Where are you going?

PARIS

I'm putting myself out there, Rory.

RORY

Now?

PARIS

Yes now.

RORY

Its eleven o' clock at night. Who are you hoping to hook up with now? Spike and Drusilla?

PARIS

Just tell me if my lipstick looks too whore-ish.

RORY

Nope, just whore-ish enough.

ANNA

[excited] Going out at eleven o' clock at night! I love college!

PARIS

I may suffocate her when I get back.

RORY

If you can catch her.

PARIS

Bye.

RORY

Good luck.

RORY

Goodnight, Anna.

ANNA

Goodnight.

PROF. BELL

Which brings us to this question, does Campbell's work successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes to the collective unconscious?

RORY

Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost philosophy professors in the country.

PROF. BELL

. . . All right. Let's call that close enough. But, now, Campbell can point to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not here are the same basic characters over and over -"

COLIN

Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

PROF. BELL

I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.

COLIN

I know, I'm sorry, I just -- [Runs up to stand by Rory's desk.] Rory, you can't just walk out like that. Not after everything we've been through. You just left. I was still in bed. I mean what is that all about?

PROF. BELL

Ok, you need to do this later.

COLIN

I can't do this later. Rory I love you. I love you, dammit! How many times to I have to tell you? God! Just talk to me.

PROF. BELL

Ok, out right now! Out! Just get -

LOGAN

Colin! What are you doing, man?

COLIN

Get the hell out of here!

LOGAN

She's with me now. I told you that. Let it go.

COLIN

I will not let it go!

LOGAN

She doesn't love you. Rory, tell him you don't love him!

COLIN

Everything was fine until you came along!

LOGAN

Oh, don't blame me because you couldn't keep her.

COLIN

I swear to god, I'm gonna kill you!

LOGAN

Oh, I'd love to see you try.

PROF. BELL

Stop it! Stop it, right now! Anthony, get security! Break it up! What are you -- Gentlemen, you are losing control! [Logan throws Colin over a desk and jumps onto him.] You are in a classroom!

FINN

[blows whistle] All right, that's enough! Break it up, you two! [Grabs the boys, while the Professor realizes this is all a joke.] Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself, toying with these boys like this! They used to have pride! They used to have dignity! They used to have balls! [Starts to leave, but stops.] Dammit Gilmore, give them back their balls. [Boys exit room, but re- enter and bow, while class cheers and applauds]

SOOKIE

God, this is a lot of junk.

LORELAI

I know.

SOOKIE

I mean, who has three Thigh Masters besides Suzanne Somers?

LORELAI

Well, Mrs. Thompson apparently.

SOOKIE

You'd think if you had three Thigh Masters, you'd wear slacks once in a while. I'm sorry, why exactly, did you have to take all this crap?

LORELAI

It was the only way I could get her to give me the boat. Some guy wanted it and she got him to buy all her other crap. So, if I wanted the boat I had to take everything and that's what I did. I just have to hide it for a few days. Then, I'll move it.

SOOKIE

Where?

LORELAI

I don't know. Somewhere. The inn. I'll put it in the old stable out back.

SOOKIE

Are you ever gonna tell Luke?

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

When?

LORELAI

A week, a year. I haven't thought that far in advance. I just couldn't let her get rid of his dad's boat. What if we hang the Thigh Masters on it?

SOOKIE

Or get more trees!

LORELAI

Yeah! Or get more trees.

SOOKIE

Jackson's got some trees at home.

LORELAI

Think I could borrow them?

SOOKIE

Sure. We'll just wait 'til he lies down for his nap and sneak 'em right out of there.

LORELAI

Great! Then, I'll hop a fence and get Richard Widmark to sign my grapefruit.

WOMAN

I'd like to welcome you all to today's speed-dating session. Many of you have been with us before. Many of you are first timers. So, for the latter group, here are the rules. Each couple will have one minute to talk and get a sense of the person across from them. When the bell rings, the women will get up and switch tables. Men, stay where you are. This will continue until every woman has met every man and after that it's up to you. Are you all ready? Then, let the dating begin.

JACK

I'm Jack.

PARIS

I'm Paris.

JACK

Did your parents travel a lot?

PARIS

Why?

JACK

Your name's Paris.

PARIS

No. Did your parents change flat tires a lot?

JACK

What?

PARIS

Or plug the phone into the wall a lot?

JACK

No.

PARIS

Great! So, we've cleared up that mystery. What's next on your fascinating list of talking points?

JACK

Uh, what's your major?

PARIS

Seriously, you've got one minute to make an impression and that's all you can come up with? You want to know my sign too, Jack? Or how about my favorite color? Or if I'm a Britney or a Christina? Here, I'll ask you a question. Was the last time you had an interesting thought, when you considered flinging yourself off a building? [bell rings] Bye, Jack. I'll write Mother immediately. [Sits down at the next table.] Paris, and no my parents didn't travel.

BILLY

Billy, and I have no idea what that means.

PARIS

Never mind. So, what's your story, Billy?

BILLY

Well, I'm a drama major.

PARIS

Ding, ding, ding! [stands up and moves to next table, seeing Doyle] Doyle.

DOYLE

Paris.

PARIS

Surprised to see you here. [Sits down]

DOYLE

I could say the same for you.

PARIS

So, you find any good prospects?

DOYLE

Oh, yes. One girl wants to have 11 children.

PARIS

Good god!

DOYLE

And the second one was cut off quickly, thank you by the way. I think the words 'latter day saints' were about to come out of her mouth.

PARIS

I can't believe I came here.

DOYLE

This is my third time.

PARIS

You ever meet anyone you actually wanted to date?

DOYLE

My bar is so not that high.

PARIS

[Looking around] I don't see one person in this room that shouldn't be sterilized immediately.

DOYLE

Right there with you.

PARIS

So you've been reading about those skeletons they've been finding on the island of Flores, right?

DOYLE

Oh, yeah, and they're only 13,000 years old. That's nothing in geological time.

PARIS

They made tools and probably had a language. And - [Bell Rings and the next girl tries to join] Keep moving sister.

DOYLE

They were supposed to be master hunters.

PARIS

Even though they were diminutive in size.

ANNA

And then when that other guy came in, in that outfit! How great was that?

RORY

We also studied Dylan Thomas today. Why don't we talk about that for a while?

ANNA

Yeah, that was cool, but when Logan and Colin started to fight, that was so amazing![They enter the dorm room.] The teacher had nothing to say. Nothing! He just stood there. Think they'll get in trouble for that?

RORY

Oh, probably not.

ANNA

Oh god, that's great! The freedom! I mean you can do anything in college. No rules, no consequences.

RORY

Well, Anna, there are always consequences. You're getting the wrong idea. College is not just a crazy, wild, sleep-deprived hedonistic society.

DOYLE

Oh, it wasn't the TV.

RORY

No, it wasn't the TV.

DOYLE

This isn't what it looks like.

RORY

I hope not.

PARIS

I told you it wasn't the TV.

RORY

[brightly] Hi, Paris.

PARIS

All right, fine. Doyle and I had sex.

RORY

Okay, Anna, get your coat.

PARIS

We met at speed dating and we considered having dinner first, but we both knew where it was going to end up, so we figured we'd just cut to the chase and save the calories.

RORY

Hurry up, Anna.

ANNA

Where are we going?

RORY

Dinner.

ANNA

Its only five.

PARIS

You have no right to be repulsed by my sex life!

DOYLE

[to Paris] This is an exceptionally comfortable robe.

ANNA

[in the hallway] Dinner whenever you want. Random sex whenever you want. I can't wait to go to college!

ANNA

Ice cream and cereal for dinner!

RORY

Yeah, yeah, yeah college rocks.

LOGAN

Ladies.

ANNA

Hi, Logan.

LOGAN

How are we doing this fine evening?

ANNA

Oh, we're doing great. Do you want to join us?

LOGAN

Sure. [Sits down next to Rory] So, dull day, huh?

ANNA

Not for me.

LOGAN

[Looking at Rory] Someone's quiet.

RORY

Got nothing to say.

LOGAN

[to Anna] Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?

ANNA

Yes.

RORY

Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the fro-yo social. You remember where it is right?

ANNA

Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.

RORY

Kid, you're in college now, ok? Now go get yourself some yogurt.

ANNA

Are you going to come Logan?

LOGAN

Uh, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking here in a minute, Anna.

ANNA

Oh, ok. Bye.

LOGAN

That's not a good look.

RORY

I have no words.

LOGAN

It was just a joke.

RORY

Oh no, wait. I found some. Jerk, ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat boy, lowlife, buttface miscreant.

LOGAN

Buttface miscreant?

RORY

Why would you do something like that?

LOGAN

I'm sorry, buttface miscreant?

RORY

Here I am, trying to show Anna what college life is really like.

LOGAN

That is what college life is really like.

RORY

Maybe your college life, not mine. That was my class, Logan. That was my professor, who decides my grades and you made me look ridiculous to him.

LOGAN

No, I made me look ridiculous to him.

RORY

Oh, you don't think he thinks I was a part of it?

LOGAN

I'll talk to him. I'll tell him you were an innocent bystander.

RORY

The whole class was in a frenzy the entire time. We never got back to what we were talking about.

LOGAN

There's another class next week.

RORY

Ugh, I know that classes and the paper and Yale in general mean nothing to you, but it means something to me. Professor Bell's course is only six weeks long and you blew one of those weeks for me. I won't get that week back.

LOGAN

Look, you want to pull some personal time with Bell? My dad knows him. He'll arrange --

RORY

Please stop talking.

LOGAN

I'm sorry you're so bent out of shape. I didn't mean to upset you.

RORY

Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke.

LOGAN

If Anna thinks that Yale is just a big joke after spending five minutes with you, then she was always going to think that Yale was just a big joke. Relax.

RORY

You and me? Very different people. I have to go.

LOGAN

To the fro-yo social?

RORY

Yes, I have to go to the fro-yo social. And yes, I do realize how incredibly stupid that just sounded. Excuse me.

PARIS

All I'm saying is, I just want a little information.Is this a relationship? A one night stand? The beginning of a series of late night bootie calls? I think I have the right to know.

TERRANCE

[on speaker phone] I hear you. Doyle, do you hear her?

DOYLE

I do hear her. I just don't understand why we can't decide this amongst ourselves.

TERRANCE

Because you can't, Doyle. Now, please tell Paris how you feel.

DOYLE

Well, I feel --

TERRANCE

Into the phone, Doyle. I can't hear you.

RORY

Is Anna here?

PARIS

No. Why?

RORY

She didn't show up at the fro-yo social.

DOYLE

Eww. Do you blame her?

RORY

I have to find her.

PARIS

Why? Did you loan her money or something?

RORY

Just go back to what you were doing, please

RORY

[dials phone] Hey, Marty? Um, I lost Anna. I don't know where. Um, just -- Thanks. [to Paris] If she comes back here, call me.

MARTY

Any idea where she'd go?

RORY

No, she was supposed to meet me. I can't believe I let her go off by herself.

MARTY

Well, we'll find her.

RORY

[dialing phone] Mom?

LORELAI

Hi.

RORY

Where would a 16 year-old girl go for a good time?

LORELAI

Oh, how sad you had to come to me for this conversation.

RORY

Mom!

LORELAI

You were 16 a lot more recently than I was.

RORY

I lost Anna.

LORELAI

How did you lose Anna?

RORY

She never showed at the fro-yo social!

LORELAI

Oh, ok. Relax. Sixteen year old girl at college? Uh, you have to check parties. Bars and Chinese restaurants rarely card.

RORY

No Chinese restaurants around.

LORELAI

The pub? Did you check the pub?

RORY

No. [to Marty] The pub. We have to check the pub. Parties and the pub.

LORELAI

Ok, call me when you --

LUKE

[off-screen] Ow!

LORELAI

Uh . . .

LUKE

Ow!

LORELAI

I have to go, hon. Call me when you find her.

RORY

Okay. Bye.

LORELAI

Bye. [hangs up]

LORELAI

Oh my god, are you ok?

LUKE

I smashed my leg on a Thigh Master.

LORELAI

I'm so sorry.

LUKE

Then, I tripped and smashed my other leg on another Thigh Master.

LORELAI

Sorry.

LUKE

Why the hell do you have so many Thigh Masters?

LORELAI

I have a really bad thigh complex. Are you bleeding? Do you want to come in?

LUKE

No, I'm fine. I just -- You left your glasses at my house. I thought you might need them.

LORELAI

[Luke hands her, her glasses] Thank you.

LUKE

I didn't you think would be here. I thought you were going to Patty's.

LORELAI

I am. I was just leaving but I don't have to go if you want to come in.

LUKE

No, its ok. I'm still going through my dark day. I'm gonna go.

LORELAI

Ok, sorry about your foot.

LUKE

[Looking at her garage.] What's going on with your garage?

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Your garage door looks all weird.

LORELAI

Oh. No, it's fine. It's just jammed a wee bit.

LUKE

You can't leave it open like that. You could ruin all your stuff.

LORELAI

[Following Luke.] No, no that's ok. Too much stuff anyhow. If a little bit gets ruined, it serves me right for being so darn materialistic.

LUKE

What are all these trees doing here? [Begins to pull trees away.]

LORELAI

No, just stop. Go back to your dark day. No, no, don't, don't. There's clowns in there. And puppies wearing costumes. And they'll cheer you up and then your dark day will be ruined.

LUKE

[seeing his boat] What is this?

LORELAI

It's your boat.

LUKE

I thought I told her to get rid of this boat.

LORELAI

She did. She sold it to me, along with all of her other crap. She made quite a killing actually. I just couldn't stand the idea that you might regret, someday, giving this boat away.

LUKE

Even though I said I wanted it gone?

LORELAI

Yes, I know, but you were upset.

LUKE

No, I was cranky. Now, I'm upset.

LORELAI

I'm sorry, I just thought --

LUKE

You thought about you. You thought about you and how you'd feel. You didn't think about me or the fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat. I mean I said it, Lorelai. I said it, you heard it and you ignored it.

LORELAI

Because I didn't want you to --

LUKE

You have no respect for what I wanted! This was my dad. This was his boat and this decision was mine. This was not yours!

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

This is who I am. I don't want to hang onto things or stare at things.

LORELAI

Except my horoscope, which is absolutely the wrong thing to bring up right now. I'm sorry.

LUKE

I'm getting out of here.

LORELAI

No, I'm sorry. Please, just stay and yell at me.

LUKE

Why? What's the point? You don't listen to anything I say, anyhow.

RORY

She's nowhere!

MARTY

She not nowhere.

RORY

This is all my fault!

MARTY

Well, there's more bars. We'll find her.

RORY

God, I'm so stupid. If I didn't have to confront Logan like that, I wouldn't have had to send her off on her own and we wouldn't be looking for her right now.

MARTY

We'll find her.

RORY

He's so frustrating, that guy. I mean, I don't know what I did to get on his bad side or why he just has to come after me.

MARTY

Oh, stop it!

RORY

What?

MARTY

He's not coming after you. He likes you.

RORY

He does not.

MARTY

[annoyed] Oh, please, Rory.

RORY

Marty, he does not like me. I mean, look at what he did. Look at that stunt he pulled. He totally humiliated me.

MARTY

Attention like that from people like Logan is like being tapped. You've been anointed. You're in.

RORY

In what?

MARTY

In with him, with his group. He likes you. Stop being so naive. Its annoying.

RORY

Marty. [Rory's phone rings]

RORY

Hello?

HDM. CHARLESTON

Ms. Gilmore, Headmaster Charleston here.

RORY

Oh. Hi, Headmaster Charleston. What's going on?

HDM. CHARLESTON

Well, not much. Thank you for asking. I was just wondering how things were going with Ms. Fairchild?

RORY

Oh, fine.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Yes?

RORY

Everythings great.

HDM. CHARLESTON

Wonderful. Then, I can inform Anna's parents that the underage girl the Yale campus police found when they broke up a rather raucous party is, in fact, not their daughter.

RORY

I'm sorry, Headmaster Charleston.

HDM. CHARLESTON

And what a help that is.

RORY

I tried. I just -- I turned around for a moment. Did she tell you about the bench? We spent a lot of time --

HDM. CHARLESTON

I'm sorry, Ms. Gilmore. I have to go. Some angry parents will be here any moment to talk to me. I appreciate the attempt. Good luck at Yale.

RORY

[beat] Bye, Headmaster Charleston. [hangs up] The campus police got her. She came, she spent one day with me, and she got sent home by police. And I think I'm going to retroactively flunk high school.

MARTY

At least she's safe, right?

RORY

Right. Crappy, crappy day. You want to take a cab? My treat. [They walk to a cab. Marty opens the door] Thanks. [Rory gets in, but Marty stops]

MARTY

I think I'm gonna walk.

RORY

Marty . . .

MARTY

I'll -- I'll see you tomorrow.

SOOKIE

What are you doing?

LORELAI

I smell like trees.

SOOKIE

You do? [Sniffs Lorelai's hand]

LORELAI

Mm-hmm.

SOOKIE

[sniffs her own hand] Hey, me too!

LORELAI

Now we're the crazy, pine-scented ladies.

SOOKIE

How's your punch?

LORELAI

It's good. [Lorelai looks distant.]

SOOKIE

You ok?

LORELAI

Yeah, fine. Just fine.

MISS PATTY

Thank you. Thank you, everyone. I'm honored that you came here to help me celebrate 40 wonderful years on the stage. It feels so good to be here in front of an audience and so close to a piano. [Repeats, louder] So close to a piano. Kirk!

KIRK

[looking up from a book] Sorry. [loudly] Hey, Patty, why don't you do a little something for us?

MISS PATTY

Well, if you insist. Hit it!

MISS PATTY

[singing] Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans grow by the million.

LORELAI

[seeing Luke standing outside the window] I'll be right back.

MISS PATTY

[singing] They got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

See there's a reason I stay away from people on this particular day. It's because I suck.

LORELAI

Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. I should've stayed out of it. You were right. I didn't think. I mean I didn't think like you would think. I thought like I would think and my thinking is sometimes very, very wrong if you're not me. And occasionally if you are me --

LUKE

You keep thinking like you'd think.

LORELAI

I can do that. Do you want to come in? You can get drunk just standing next to the punch bowl.

LUKE

No, I'm still kinda --

LORELAI

I get it.

LUKE

I just didn't want us to --

LORELAI

We're not.

LUKE

Yeah, you go have a good time.

LORELAI

See you tomorrow.

LUKE

Yeah, you'll see me tomorrow.

RICHARD

Logan

LOGAN

Huh? Richard? Wow, this a pleasant surprise. Finn, Colin, you know Richard don't you?

RICHARD

Well, my boys, nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.

LOGAN

The?

RICHARD

I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.

LOGAN

[confused] What?

RICHARD

Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine. As is the Dean of Admissions. Well, you know this place. News travels fast.

LOGAN

Yeah, look . . .

RICHARD

I have to tell you that while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is a proper time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.

LOGAN

No, I know. I --

RICHARD

However, what's done is done. It's out. So I've dropped by to tell you that I've spoken to your father.

LOGAN

My father?

RICHARD

We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.

LOGAN

Ok, I think there's been . . .

RICHARD

Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so not to worry. That's all taken care of.

LOGAN

But --

RICHARD

She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan, welcome to the family, son.

RICHARD

I do hope one of his dopey-looking friends knows CPR or he just might not make it.

RORY

You're the best, Grandpa.

RICHARD

All right, who's next? Is Paris giving you any trouble?

RORY

Not any more than usual. However, there is a girl in my Modern Poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.

RICHARD

Ah, I do love this place.

RORY

Right back at you, Grandpa.