T5E14: “Say Something”

CHRIS

Will you stop?

LORELAI

Get away from me, Christopher.

CHRIS

I just want to talk.

LORELAI

Get some coffee, Christopher!

CHRIS

This wasn’t the way I wanted it to go down. I wanted to get you alone and – what are you doing?

LORELAI

I’m going after Luke!

MARILYN

Oh, there you are! [Calling to Emily] I’ve got her! [She pulls Lorelai toward the cake.] Oh, you cannot keep a room full of Anglo-Saxons waiting for cake this long! They start to form more clubs. [To the photographer] Take her, take her, take her!

PHOTOGRAPHER

All right, wonderful. There we are. [The four of them are lined up – Rory, Richard, Emily and Lorelai.] Okay. Everyone, in just a little closer. That’s perfect, hold that.

LORELAI

[leaning into to whisper in Emily’s ear]

You and me, we’re done.

PHOTOGRAPHER

One, two, three.

RORY

Are you leaving?

LORELAI

Party's over. It is so over.

RORY

Are you okay?

LORELAI

Yeah. I'm fine. It's just time to go.

RORY

Are we okay? I mean, that wasn't exactly my proudest moment.

LORELAI

Aw, honey. You're the daughter of a woman who has had no end of less than proud moments. Don't worry.

RORY

Luke was so mad.

LORELAI

That's because to Luke you're still ten years old wearing feathered angel's wings going door-to-door inviting people to a caterpillar's funeral.

RORY

Oh, now, I did that once.

LORELAI

Luke is fine.

RORY

I hope so.

LORELAI

Look, go back in. Catch up with Logan. Tell him everything is fine.

RORY

He went right to his car, he split.

LORELAI

I don't blame the boy.

RORY

And what's with you and Grandma?

LORELAI

All these questions!

RORY

Sorry.

LORELAI

Look. Go back in, huh? Make the best of things. Luke is just, um, bringing the car around. I'll talk to you later.

RORY

Are you sure we're good?

LORELAI

Always.

RORY

'Kay. Bye, Mom.

LORELAI

Bye, mister. [Rory goes back in. To attendant] Oh, excuse me. I'm going to need a cab, please?

ATTENDANT

Yes, ma'am.

PHOTOGRAPHER

[rushing forward]

There you are. I'd love to get a few more shots in.

LORELAI

Yeah, so would I. [She leaves.]

LORELAI

Hi.

CAESAR

I was just on my break.

LORELAI

Oh, that's no problem. Caesar, listen -

CAESAR

I clocked out too, so it should say so on my time card.

LORELAI

Right.

CAESAR

Although the ink is kinda weak and faded. It's really hard to see.

LORELAI

That's fine. Great. Caesar, is Luke back yet?

CAESAR

Didn't you guys go somewhere tonight?

LORELAI

Yeah.

CAESAR

Did you get separated or something?

LORELAI

Something like that. So have you seen him?

CAESAR

Not unless I fell asleep. And I never fall asleep.

LORELAI

Well, so if you didn't fall asleep you know for a fact he's not back.

CAESAR

Right. So you didn't come back together, huh?

LORELAI

Long story. Getting kinda late, so -

CAESAR

If I see him, should I tell him to call you?

LORELAI

Yes, please.

CAESAR

Okay. And, if you talk to him, could you maybe not mention the radio, or eating the pie? He hates when I eat out of the pie plate.

LORELAI

You were eating out of the pie plate?

CAESAR

[hesitates]

No. No.

LORELAI

Well, thanks, Caesar. See ya.

CAESAR

I've got lots of work to do, and I'm hankering to get to it.

LORELAI

Okay. Bye.

BABETTE

Lorelai! Hey!

LORELAI

Hi! Babette! Hey, Morey.

MOREY

Hey, Lorelai.

BABETTE

Look at you all dolled up and walking the street. I'm not calling you a hooker or nothing.

LORELAI

Well, thank you. Hey, um, did you guys pass Luke, or see his truck any time tonight?

MOREY

Uh-oh.

BABETTE

You're not with Luke?

LORELAI

Not at the moment.

BABETTE

Uh-oh.

LORELAI

What?

BABETTE

Didn't you go to your parents' wedding thing tonight?

LORELAI

Yes.

MOREY

Uh-oh.

LORELAI

What?

BABETTE

You didn't come back together?

LORELAI

Well, of course we did. We're just not together at the moment.

LORELAI

Would you guys stop doing that?

BABETTE

Everything's all right between the two of you, isn't it?

LORELAI

Of course it is.

BABETTE

I hope so.

MOREY

Otherwise Taylor would go crazy.

BABETTE

He's got all these contingency plans, remember, in case you guys split? He's worried what it would do to the town. Big anal creep.

LORELAI

Well, there's no splitting happening here. Everything's fine.

MOREY

Good.

BABETTE

Well, we'd better be going. Take care, doll.

LORELAI

Talk to you guys later. Bye. [They walk away. She takes out her cell phone and dials a number.] Luke, it's, uh, me. Again. Uh, well, another very exciting night comes to a close, huh? Um, I don't think you're home, so I'm going home. Um, I'll leave my cell phone on, or call me at home. Anytime you want. 'Kay. Bye. Er - just please, call me, okay? 'Bye. [She hangs up, and looks back into the diner. Caesar is dancing to the radio.]

RORY

Paris!

RORY

Paris. Paris!

PARIS

[asleep]

Wha?

RORY

Are you asleep?

PARIS

[mumbles]

Don't turn the light on. [Rory turns the light on.] Aah! I said don't turn the light on!

RORY

I didn't hear the ‘don't’.

PARIS

Why do you think I would tell you to turn on the light when I'm dead asleep?

RORY

I didn't know you were dead asleep.

PARIS

The room is dark. I'm under the covers and completely immobile. Deduce, Sherlock.

RORY

Well, you're awake now. Can I ask you a question?

PARIS

Bite me.

RORY

Were there any messages for me?

PARIS

Yes. Four other people called and asked that you bite me.

RORY

[sighs]

Look, I'm serious here. Come on, Paris. It is especially important tonight that, if there was a message for me, that that message gets to me.

PARIS

If there was a message, I would have left it on the message board.

RORY

The board is blank. And you are not the most reliable message leaver.

PARIS

No messages.

RORY

Okay. I don't mean to insult you, but are you maybe telling me there's no message because you're mad that I woke you and there really was a message?

PARIS

[sits up]

Oh, my God, you're annoying tonight! [She notices Rory's suit.] What's with being all k.d.lang?

RORY

It was for my grandparents' vow renewal. I was the best man.

PARIS

Is that kinky or something?

RORY

It was a cute thing.

PARIS

So, who's the boy?

RORY

What boy?

PARIS

The boy you're dying to get a message from. I assume it's a boy.

RORY

Not necessarily.

PARIS

Well, no one called, left a note, smoke signaled, Morse coded, semaphore flagged or came by. Male, female or hermaphrodite. [She flops back into her bed.]

RORY

Okay, thanks.

PARIS

[getting up]

I'm wide awake. It's your fault. You owe me Boggle.

RORY

Paris -

PARIS

Boggle!

RORY

One game and then it's back to bed!

KIRK

Hey, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Kirk, you're dripping wet.

KIRK

Sweat is the curse of the b-boy. Mos Def. So, are you feeling better?

LORELAI

Yeah. I'm feeling fine, why?

KIRK

Luke told me you weren't feeling well.

LORELAI

Luke? You've seen Luke?

KIRK

He came into the movie theater. I'm on my break, so I figured I'd come down and bust a sweet move.

LORELAI

When, when?

KIRK

Oh, about a half hour ago. [He hands her the towel.] I asked about you and he said you weren't feeling well. Then he rejected my 'buy two Junior Mints, get a free hunk of onion beef jerky' offer with a disgusting profanity, then took a seat.

LORELAI

So, he's there now?

KIRK

Probably. Nothing's up with you two, is there? I mean, you seem just fine.

LORELAI

No, nothing. Nothing's wrong at all.

KIRK

Uh-oh.

LORELAI

Kirk, we have not broken up.

KIRK

Well, why are you guys dressed up but not together? Luke's in a suit, which seems awfully formal for a movie theater that recycles its popcorn -

LORELAI

Oh, well, we had a fancy event to go to, um, then I got the sniffles, and so Luke decided to see a movie, but now I'm feeling better, so I came looking for him.

KIRK

I hope that's true, 'cause Taylor would go nuts if you two broke up.

LORELAI

Well, that is not the case, so there's nothing to worry about. Do you think he's still there?

KIRK

The movie just started when I left.

LORELAI

Great. Thanks a lot, Kirk. So I can go in without paying?

KIRK

No!

LORELAI

Thank you. [She hurries away.]

KIRK

My towel!

LORELAI

What are you watching?

LUKE

Something stupid.

LORELAI

Man. They sure talked fast in these things.

LUKE

Yep, they, uh, they did. Fast.

LORELAI

I have been frantically trying to call your cell phone.

LUKE

I turned it off.

LORELAI

That's what I figured. [Pause] So do you want to hear my explanations, 'cause I've got 'em. Explanations, perspective, apologies, I've got 'em all, and I'm dying to share them with you.

LUKE

I just need some time.

LORELAI

Time -

LUKE

A little time, to think.

LORELAI

And to process.

LUKE

[nodding]

Right.

LORELAI

I get that. I get that. I just have so much I want to say to you.

LUKE

Not right now. I need to clear my head.

LORELAI

You'll call me when you're ready?

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Okay. Good. Okay. So, I should - [She gestures toward the door and gets up. Luke ignores her. She stops to look at him before she leaves.]

LORELAI

- Figure as your little girls arrive, we'll have them here in the living room. We'll have the pocket doors to the dining room closed. Then, when it's time for breakfast, we'll open the doors, and voila, the full, beautiful effect.

WOMAN

Wonderful.

LORELAI

We'll have music with a nice little fanfare. You like Yanni?

WOMAN

Hate him with every fiber of my being.

LORELAI

Oh, good, we're in perfect sync. And then, we'll have small-scale tables set with china, a silver tea service, little plates, little cups, and twelve little chairs for all of them to sit on.

WOMAN

That's so cute.

LORELAI

Yeah.

MICHEL

Wait, twelve? I thought there were six. Six little girls.

LORELAI

Six girls and their six dolls.

MICHEL

I beg your pardon?

LORELAI

This is a pancake breakfast for the girls and their dolls.

MICHEL

Get out of town.

LORELAI

I thought you knew that.

MICHEL

Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?

LORELAI

That's right.

MICHEL

Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.

LORELAI

I'm not paying attention to you anymore. [To the woman.] All right, well, I'll order everything, and all you have to do is show up.

WOMAN

The girls are looking forward to this. So are the dolls!

LORELAI

Aw, love that.

WOMAN

'Bye.

LORELAI

Okay, bye.

MICHEL

[watching her leave]

Is she psychotic?

LORELAI

Shh.

LORELAI

It’s silly fun, Michel, girls love dolls. Chill.

SOOKIE

I'm making little pancakes for the dolls, and I found these little forks they can use.

MICHEL

They do not have opposable thumbs!

SOOKIE

Who, the girls? Oh, this is a handicapped group! Poor things.

MICHEL

No, the dolls.

SOOKIE

The dolls? How can a doll be handicapped?

MICHEL

My point exactly! They are plastic and made in Banglagor!

LORELAI

We're doing this. So hop on board, or hop off.

MICHEL

Okay! You don't need to snap my nose off! [He leaves.]

SOOKIE

He's getting on your nerves, huh?

LORELAI

Completely. I'm starving.

SOOKIE

Didn't you have anything at Luke's today?

LORELAI

Not today. There's no food in this fridge.

SOOKIE

It's stuffed with food.

LORELAI

Food that's edible. Food to consume. Everything in here you have to cook.

SOOKIE

I'm a cook.

LORELAI

Oh, forget it.

SOOKIE

What's wrong?

LORELAI

Nothing. Luke and I had a little disagreement last night.

SOOKIE

At the wedding? What happened?

LORELAI

Christopher showed up.

SOOKIE

Oh, no.

LORELAI

My mother invited him.

SOOKIE

Oh, no!

LORELAI

And I hadn't exactly told Luke about that tequila night with Chris after his dad died, so I told him and there was a big blow-up. Chris went nuts, Luke went nuts, and he got mad, and he left. And now he says he needs time to think.

SOOKIE

How much time?

LORELAI

He just said, 'Time'.

SOOKIE

Ooh, I hate when men do that. It's so vague.

LORELAI

I should have told him when it happened. But I blew it. Now, if he'd just give me ten minutes we could hash it out and be back on our way, and not waste time. What's enough time?

SOOKIE

I don't know.

LORELAI

It's been twelve hours. That enough?

SOOKIE

I'd say no.

LORELAI

I'll be distracted until we fix this.

SOOKIE

Well, don't worry, because when a relationship is right, things work out.

LORELAI

I hope so.

SOOKIE

I heard about this couple on one of those morning show, similar to you guys - all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, you know, headed for marriage - and something happened, and they broke up in their senior year of college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. They married different people.

LORELAI

They married different people?

SOOKIE

Oh, had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died, oh, and they were available again, and they talked and they hooked up, and now they're together and they're happily in love after forty years apart. Uh!

LORELAI

[shocked]

That's a horrible story!

SOOKIE

No, it's not!

LORELAI

What morning show was that on? I hate that story!

SOOKIE

But they ended up together!

LORELAI

Was it Katie Couric? She seems very dark to me.

SOOKIE

The point is that even if it takes forty years to figure it out, there's still a chance for a happy ending!

LORELAI

But that's all they had! An ending! I don't want to have just an ending with Luke!

SOOKIE

I know, but -

LORELAI

I don't want to have those stupid kids or those ugly grandkids with that loser other guy!

SOOKIE

You don't know, he could be a nice guy.

LORELAI

Even if he's a nice, guy, he's not the guy I want to be with!

SOOKIE

You're right. It's not fair to him.

LORELAI

It's not fair to him, it's dishonest.

SOOKIE

We should name the other guy. I feel like he'd be a Larry.

LORELAI

We're not naming the other guy.

SOOKIE

Okay. I guess it was a bad example. Sorry.

LORELAI

Oh, it's okay.

SOOKIE

But you know, I read a story about another guy that had a fight with his girlfriend, and he said he needed like a week to think it over, and he only needed a day. And he and the girl were back together and were happy forever. No Larry, or loser kids, or anything.

LORELAI

Uh-huh.

SOOKIE

They don't put stuff like that in the newspapers, 'cause it's not as sexy as the forty year story, but it happens all the time, really.

LORELAI

Thanks for making that up.

SOOKIE

You're welcome.

LORELAI

I'm going to go take a walk. I've got some errands to run.

SOOKIE

Good. Clear your head. And it was Katie Couric.

LORELAI

I knew it.

PARIS

Don't forget the raisin bran. It's good for you. Keeps you moving.

RORY

Whatever that means. Ew, I just got what that means!

PARIS

Cognitive skills are slow today. Grab some Corn Flakes. Nietzsche and Lichtenstein went ape guano over Corn Flakes.

RORY

They make you smart, German and depressed. Why do they have so much Wheat Chex? It doesn't go with anything.

PARIS

Wheat Chex are sort of the pumpernickel bread of the cereal world.

RORY

Well put. So what combo are you thinking today?

PARIS

Cap'n Crunch over a foundation of Rice Krispies, with a perimeter of Shredded Wheat.

RORY

Bold.

PARIS

I like its prospects.

RORY

I love cereal.

PARIS

It rocks.

PARIS

So, you never told me who the guy was.

RORY

Guy?

PARIS

The guy you were dying for a message from? The guy who has you yoked to your cell phone?

RORY

I am not yoked to my cell phone. I can't hear it when it's in my pocket.

PARIS

Oh, God! Tell me it's not Huntzberger.

RORY

What if it is?

PARIS

With the hair, and the chin like he's the fourth Bee Gee?

RORY

You know, I could put the phone away if it's bothering you.

PARIS

Don't. That pathetic boat you're in? I'm first oarsman. [She pulls out her cell phone and puts it on the table.]

RORY

How so?

PARIS

I'm waiting for Doyle to call. I expected a call yesterday to set something up for last night, but it never came. So I ate a family-sized bag of salt and vinegar potato chips and went to bed at seven-thirty.

RORY

That was the smell.

PARIS

We're better than this, you and me. We're the children of Emma Goldman and Hillary Clinton. Strong, independent. We're better than this.

RORY

Apparently not.

PARIS

I blame Chilton. Great education, but horrific socialization. We need guidance.

RORY

I'm not calling Love Line.

PARIS

Rory, come on. We're sitting in a sea of expertise in this field. The college campus. There's no end of knock-headed bimbos with tons of dross to dispense. There's two now.

RORY

Paris, don't.

PARIS

Althea! Janet! Come here!

RORY

You hate Althea and Janet.

PARIS

Granted, they know nothing of Ukrainian politics or the periodic table, but when it comes to boys, they're brighter than the Brontes.

JANET

What, Paris?

RORY

Hey, Janet. Althea.

PARIS

Girls, we have related problems. A little love trouble.

RORY

We?

PARIS

Bend your ears?

ALTHEA

Uh, sure.

RORY

No, Althea, please. Go. Enjoy your Sunday. There's no love trouble here.

ALTHEA

I don't mind.

RORY

I do.

PARIS

Fine, then I'll just lay out my situation.

RORY

Great. Good. 'Cause I'm out of this.

PARIS

Okay, so I've got a guy.

JANET

Blind?

PARIS

Can it. Last time I saw him, he strongly implied that he was going to call me. And soon. It's been four days.

ALTHEA

You ever call him to hook up?

PARIS

He's always taken the reins.

ALTHEA

What did he say exactly?

JANET

Call you later, or see you later?

PARIS

Call. Or was it see?

JANET

Very different.

ALTHEA

Call's more descriptive. If he said 'call you later' and he didn't, it's an egregious 'screw you'.

PARIS

I'm pretty sure it was see.

JANET

Then I think you could cut him some slack. You like him, right?

PARIS

Yeah.

JANET

Then call him, but have a reason.

PARIS

We're on the paper together.

JANET

Perfect.

ALTHEA

Call to ask for notes or something. But don't give him anything else. If he's into you, he'll take it from there. If he's not, at least you know, so you can dump him.

PARIS

Direct, simple. A clear path. Thank you.

ALTHEA

You're welcome. [They start to get up.]

RORY

Um, excuse me.

JANET

Yeah?

RORY

If you don't mind, I'm wondering -

ALTHEA

Yeah?

RORY

Okay, I got close to kind of getting together with a guy -

ALTHEA

You mean like 'getting together', getting together?

RORY

Yeah. But, we were interrupted. Shouldn't he be calling me to talk, or maybe set up getting together?

ALTHEA

What was the interruption?

RORY

Mom. Then Dad. Then Mom's boyfriend.

ALTHEA

Whoa.

JANET

Poor guy.

ALTHEA

Okay, you definitely have to call him.

RORY

Really?

ALTHEA

He might be afraid to call.

JANET

Thinks you're too much drama.

RORY

Too much drama.

ALTHEA

You give him a call, but keep it casual.

PARIS

She's love dense. Give her specific language.

JANET

Get together?

ALTHEA

Or hang out?

JANET

That's better.

ALTHEA

Ask him to hang out sometime. It'll give him an easy out. If he says yes, meet up, act casual, but look hot.

PARIS

I've got a pen if you want to write this down.

RORY

No, I think I can remember. Thank you.

ALTHEA

No problem.

JANET

Anytime.

PARIS

Styrofoam for brains, but they know their stuff.

GYPSY

I'm on your side, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Whoa, yo, Gypsy. What are you talking about?

GYPSY

The breakup.

LORELAI

What breakup?

GYPSY

Yours and Luke's.

LORELAI

We're not broken up.

GYPSY

Break up, split up, separated - whatever you want to call it.

LORELAI

I'd like to call it nothing. We're fine. What is with these ribbons?

GYPSY

Pink for you, blue for Luke. Taylor's idea. That way we all know whose side we're on without having to talk to each other. He's a freak, but I like pink.

LORELAI

Oh my God.

GYPSY

Look out, blue incoming. [She pulls her out of the way of a man walking by.]

LORELAI

Oh, Gypsy, please. Take that ribbon off. I don't want anyone encouraging Taylor on this.

GYPSY

Oh, it's way too late. He's passed out hundreds.

LORELAI

Hundreds?

GYPSY

It was no choice for me. Luke fixes his own truck, so I make bumpkins off him. But you, you don't know a piston from a pepperoni. Lots of money in ignorance. I'm with you.

LORELAI

[Sees Luke going into Doose's market]

Okay, great. I'll catch up with you later. [She walks away.]

GYPSY

Pink power, baby. We chicks gotta stick together.

TAYLOR

Lorelai.

LORELAI

I'll deal with you later. [She heads toward the back of the store.] Luke? Hi. I'm sorry to sneak up on you like this, but please, just give me a minute. We need to talk. I have so much to say. I should have told you about that night with Christopher. I know that now.

LUKE

Yeah, okay. I'm -

LORELAI

But I swear, the visit we had was so innocent. It was about his dad, and nothing happened. Less than nothing happened.

LUKE

But you hid it.

LORELAI

I know, and I shouldn't have. And I am so, so sorry. But all that talk from Christopher, at the wedding. I didn't see that coming. He was drunk. He was stupid. He's never not stupid, but I didn't see it coming.

LUKE

You should have.

LORELAI

I know. Rory warned me and I ignored her, but believe me. I am never seeing him again. Never.

LUKE

What are you talking about? He's Rory's father. He'll always be in your life.

LORELAI

In her life.

LUKE

Her life is your life.

LORELAI

Not when it comes to this.

LUKE

This is going to happen again and again.

LORELAI

No, it won't, Luke. I promise. God, if you care anything for me at all, just please trust me on this.

LUKE

I've got to go. [He pushes past her.]

LORELAI

Luke. No, wait. Wait. [She follows him to the door.] Luke, it was my mother, you know, who did all this. She was the one. She caused all this hateful stuff because Christopher is weak and she knows that and I am never talking to her again.

LUKE

They're always going to be in your life too.

LORELAI

No.

LUKE

Your mother, your father. The Gilmores will always be in your life.

LORELAI

I can cut them off.

LUKE

No, you just can't cut them off. It doesn't work that way, and they'll never feel differently about me, ever.

LORELAI

It doesn't matter, because they're gone. That's it. They are gone. I can do that.

LUKE

I can't have this out right now.

LORELAI

Okay, when? Where?

LUKE

I need more time! I told you that.

LORELAI

I'm afraid of this 'more time' stuff. I'm afraid it'll take forty years and that's not good.

LUKE

Lorelai.

LORELAI

We'll miss our middle. I want a middle. And the town is dividing us up. I need that to stop.

LUKE

Don't.

LORELAI

Luke. I am all in. I'm all in. Please trust me. Let me show you what a great girlfriend I can be. But I can't wait. We can't wait. I need to know what you're thinking right now.

LUKE

Fine. You want to know what I'm thinking right now? That I can't be in this relationship. It's too much.

LORELAI

[stunned]

No.

LOGAN

Hello?

RORY

Hi. It's Rory.

LOGAN

Rory Gilmore, as I live and breathe.

RORY

So, how are you?

LOGAN

I'm good, Ace, how are you?

RORY

I'm good.

LOGAN

Hope your life's been less exciting since the last time I saw you.

RORY

Relatively.

LOGAN

Meaning you're steering clear of country club dressing rooms?

RORY

Pretty much.

LOGAN

Good.

RORY

Yeah. So, I was wondering if maybe you -

LOGAN

Yeah?

RORY

If you'd like to hang out, or something.

LOGAN

Hang out?

RORY

Yeah.

LOGAN

When?

RORY

How about tonight?

LOGAN

Whoa, spontaneity.

RORY

I'm very 'of the moment' these days.

LOGAN

Well, sure, I'd love to hang out with you. Come on over.

RORY

To your place?

LOGAN

Absolutely.

RORY

Cool.

LOGAN

See you in a bit.

RORY

See you in a bit.

GUY

Yeah.

RORY

Oh, hi. I don't think I'm in the right place.

LOGAN

[calling from inside]

Hey, who is it?

GUY

Girl scout.

LOGAN

Hey, Ace. Come on in.

GUY

Come on in.

LOGAN

Welcome to my night of humiliating defeat.

ROBERT

One in a series.

COLIN

Don't gloat, Robert. It's not Christian.

ROBERT

Neither am I.

LOGAN

Everybody, this is Rory.

ROBERT

Hi.

COLIN

Hey.

LOGAN

I'd introduce you, but I only know three of them.

COLIN

It's to you, buddy.

LOGAN

Oh, joy. Come on, kiddo, sit here next to me.

RORY

Is that allowed?

ROBERT

I wouldn't object.

LOGAN

Come on, be my good luck charm. Did I raise or check?

COLIN

You been eating out of aluminum pans again, buddy?

ROBERT

Your short term memory is non-existent.

LOGAN

Yeah, it's aluminum pans.

ROBERT

The more you stall, the slower I win.

COLIN

That was almost grammatically correct.

LOGAN

Two.

COLIN

Call.

LOGAN

Hold up. You look very nice tonight.

RORY

Oh, thanks.

LOGAN

What do you know about this game?

RORY

Um, just what I've seen on T.V. The Odd Couple.

LOGAN

What?

RORY

Quincy played it, but he wasn't called Quincy, um, Oscar and Felix. Felix didn't play it. Tony Randall, he cooked for them sometimes.

LOGAN

I am so lost.

RORY

I know a little.

LOGAN

Well, if you know anything, you know I need a jack or a ten.

COLIN

Pocket jacks.

LOGAN

Un bloody believable.

ROBERT

Do we bother with fifth street?

LOGAN

Let's see it.

LOGAN

Oh, now you're just mocking me!

ROBERT

Well, your gal brought someone some luck.

COLIN

Two g's. Ouch.

RORY

That was two thousand dollars?

COLIN

Got to bet it to win it.

LOGAN

It's just money.

ROBERT

He's down nine to me from last time. Should I send an I.O.U. to your Pop, that how you want to work it? Cut out the middle man?

LOGAN

Yeah, and I'll send some to your mother.

ROBERT

Generic, unfocused 'and-so's-your-mother' style comeback. You're off your game, Huntz.

LOGAN

I'll work on a better retort and get back to you.

ROBERT

[to Rory]

So are you covering this?

RORY

Pardon me?

ROBERT

You were at the last Life and Death shindig, as I recall.

RORY

Yeah, but I'm not covering this. I'm just hanging out.

LOGAN

Yeah, back off, Robert. She's just hanging out.

COLIN

Thanks, kid.

GIRL

Oh, you're welcome.

COLIN

I love the service here.

GUY

I'm out.

COLIN

Down to the tricks again.

ROBERT

I'm in.

LOGAN

Don't be a jerk, Robert.

ROBERT

What?

LOGAN

You bet without looking at your cards. Look at your cards.

ROBERT

I don't need to, with Rory here.

COLIN

I hate it when he does that.

LOGAN

You want a drink?

RORY

Me?

LOGAN

Yeah.

RORY

Well, actually I don't know how long I'm going to stay here so I think I'm good for now.

LOGAN

All right. Well, the way it's going tonight, I may not last till the next drink either. [He tosses some chips in.]

COLIN

Can we change the music?

GUY

No.

COLIN

Since when did you become Tipper Gore?

GUY

Shut up, Colin.

SOOKIE

She's on her way, I know she is.

WOMAN

Well, I hope she is. Just hang in there, girls. I know you're hungry. [To Sookie] They're getting ready to rebel.

SOOKIE

[dialing her cell phone]

It's just that Lorelai ordered all the tables and the little china and I'm sure it's here somewhere, it's just - excuse me for just a second. [She walks over to Michel] Please, help. You're just standing there. [She hangs up the phone and dials another number.]

MICHEL

I'm staying out of the way. In situations like this, 'do not get in the way' is so valuable.

SOOKIE

Well, get in the way. Entertain the kids.

MICHEL

Like I'm Sponge Boy Big Pants or something? I do not entertain children.

SOOKIE

[hanging up again]

I'm getting worried. She left to do an errand yesterday and never came back.

MICHEL

Are you dialing the right number?

SOOKIE

I think after ten years I know Lorelai's number.

MICHEL

Well, where is she?

SOOKIE

I don't know. But she was in charge of everything except the pancakes, and without her all we have are pancakes! They're expecting games and stuff.

MICHEL

Oh, here's a fun game. Poke out all of the doll's eyes, mix them up, and match them to the right dolls.

SOOKIE

It's still voicemail!

MICHEL

Well, leave a message!

SOOKIE

I've left a million messages! I'm going to her house.

MICHEL

Don't leave me here!

SOOKIE

Stall, stall! [She leaves.]

LITTLE GIRL

My dolly fell. Kiss the boo-boo.

MICHEL

What part of the dolly is the boo-boo?

LOGAN

Come on, come on.

ROBERT

I've made my decision.

COLIN

I'm in. Three fifty.

ROBERT

Call.

LOGAN

I'm going to raise.

ROBERT

Ass.

COLIN

Our gentleman's courtesies still prevail, Rob.

ROBERT

Fine. Mr. Ass. Ass Esquire.

COLIN

He's cracked! We've cracked Robert!

LOGAN

Mornin' there, Ace, how'd you sleep?

ROBERT

For the record you don't snore.

COLIN

We'd be happy to sign an affidavit to that effect for any prospective husband.

RORY

Mom?

SOOKIE

It's me, Rory. It's Sookie.

RORY

Sookie? Are you at the house?

SOOKIE

Look, uh, something happened with your mom and Luke and your mom's in bad shape. I mean, she's down, hon. And I'm here now, but I think you oughta come. She needs you.

RORY

Oh my God. Is she hurt?

SOOKIE

No, not physically. Just come, okay?

RORY

I'm coming.

LOGAN

I'm out. [He gets up.] You okay?

RORY

I have to go.

LOGAN

What happened?

RORY

I just have to go, I have to get home.

LOGAN

To your dorm?

RORY

Stars Hollow. Oh, no, I don't have my car.

LOGAN

Well, didn't you walk here, like a hundred yards away?

RORY

No, I mean I took it in for it's six month service. It's at the dealer.

LOGAN

You take your car to the dealer? They so rip you off there!

RORY

Well it doesn't matter where it is! I don't have it! Which means that I have to take a bus or a train or something.

LOGAN

That'll take hours.

RORY

I know. I have to go.

LOGAN

Take my car.

RORY

I don't want to drive your car.

LOGAN

No, it's a car with a driver. I've got an account with the company.

RORY

No.

LOGAN

Take it. I'll give Frank a call, tell him to meet you out front. He'll take good care of you. It's a done deal.

RORY

Okay. Thanks.

LOGAN

Go!

RORY

Where is she?

SOOKIE

Upstairs.

RORY

[heading upstairs]

Okay, I've got it from here, Sookie. I love you.

RORY

Mom? What happened?

LORELAI

Luke.

RORY

What Luke?

LORELAI

He's gone! He hates me. I blew it. I blew everything.

RORY

I don't understand. What happened?

LORELAI

I should have told him about Christopher.

RORY

That was innocent.

LORELAI

But I should have told him. I hid it. I shouldn't have hid it.

RORY

Try to sit up.

LORELAI

She got to him.

RORY

To Dad? Who did?

LORELAI

Mom. She pushed him and it ruined everything. And now they're putting up ribbons.

RORY

Ribbons? Who?

LORELAI

Taylor, the town. They hate me. They all hate me. I wrecked everything.

RORY

Mom. This isn't good. Come on. Try to sit up.

LORELAI

He said he needed time to think, but I pushed him.

RORY

He'll come around.

LORELAI

I pushed him, and now he's gone.

RORY

He waited forever for you. He's not just going to walk away.

LORELAI

It's over.

RORY

Mom, this isn't you. Lying in bed like this. You should be up.

LORELAI

You should go to school. Go back to school.

RORY

I'm here. I'm staying.

LORELAI

God, I really screwed up this time.

RORY

Shh.

LORELAI

He could have been the one.

RORY

He'll come around. Shh. Try to sleep.

LORELAI

Rory?

LORELAI

Luke?

LORELAI

Whatcha watching?

LUKE

Something stupid.

LORELAI

This isn't stupid.

FILM LUKE

Lorelai, this thing we're doing here, me, you. I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in.

LORELAI

Say something.

LORELAI

Say something!

RORY

You slept.

LORELAI

I guess.

RORY

Feeling better?

LORELAI

Sure.

RORY

No you're not.

LORELAI

You should get back to Yale.

RORY

Uh-uh.

LORELAI

Rory, you can't just stay here.

RORY

Sorry. I'm here for the duration.

LORELAI

No.

RORY

You need supplies.

LORELAI

I'm fine.

RORY

There's no sign that you've eaten or had anything to drink.

LORELAI

Well, I'm not hungry or thirsty.

RORY

Well, if you're staying up here you need supplies. Sustenance. Entertainment.

LORELAI

Well.

RORY

See, you're a little thirsty, aren't you.

LORELAI

A little.

RORY

What can I get you? Water? Bourbon?

LORELAI

Water is good.

RORY

What do you got food-wise?

LORELAI

Not much.

RORY

What's not much?

LORELAI

Like, nothing. Some moldy bread. I've been eating out mostly.

RORY

Okay, I'm going on a run.

LORELAI

I'm not hungry.

RORY

I'll get you some DVD's, too. Do you want magazines?

LORELAI

No.

RORY

I'll get you some magazines. You sure you don't want bourbon?

LORELAI

Honey, you have stuff to do.

RORY

This is my stuff. I'll be back in a flash.

LORELAI

[gasps]

The ribbons.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Ah, the ribbons. They're all over town.

RORY

I'll just ignore them. Stupid Taylor!

LORELAI

People are going to be all over you with questions.

RORY

Then they'll feel the wrath of the Green Destiny.

LORELAI

Oh, you'll get bombarded.

RORY

Well, maybe I'll call in some reinforcements. [She kisses her head.] I've got my cell on.

LORELAI

'Kay.

RORY

Don't go rollerblading or bowling or anything while I'm gone.

LORELAI

I won't.

FRANK

I'll get those, Miss.

RORY

Did you get everything?

LANE

Everything on the list. Plus, I threw in a few things of my own. Some Toll House cookie dough. Cooked or uncooked, the ultimate comfort food.

RORY

Nice.

LANE

Chocolate covered matzah.

RORY

Nice and ethnic.

LANE

And a new toothbrush.

RORY

Why a new toothbrush?

LANE

Dentists say you're supposed to change your toothbrush every three months, and I'm assuming your mother's not doing that.

RORY

Well, I'm not sure how that's going to help her depression but you are a good friend. [She knocks on the divider at the front of the limo. The window opens and she hands Frank a sandwich.] You like ham and cheese, Frank?

FRANK

Ah, thank you, Miss.

RORY

We can head home now.

FRANK

Very good. [He closes the window.]

RORY

Was Taylor in there?

LANE

'Fraid so. And he was holding court.

RORY

What?

LANE

He was talking with a bunch of people about the breakup. Big debate going on.

RORY

What debate?

LANE

Oh, about whether Elm should have gone more pink than blue, and whether Lorelai should have married that Max guy when she had the chance. Oh, and he was passing out ribbons like there was no tomorrow.

RORY

Was he. [Knocks on the divider.] Hold on, Frank.

FRANK

Yes, ma'am.

TAYLOR

Luke I've known longer, because of the diner. Lorelai is much later, but she -

RORY

Where are they, Taylor?

TAYLOR

What?

RORY

Don't play dumb. The ribbons.

RORY

Take piano lessons or something!

TAYLOR

She was so sweet when she was little. [Shaking his head.]

RORY

Got 'em.

LANE

My compliments to your moxie!

RORY

Oh, I've got moxie coming out of my ears today. [They hear a car honking.]

LANE

They honking at us?

RORY

They better not be. Frank, are they honking at us?

FRANK

I believe so.

RORY

Oh, I am in no mood for this. We are depressed! [She stands up, her head out the sunroof of the limo.] We'll move when we move, so stop -

LUKE

Oh. Sorry.

RORY

I'm not usually in a limo. [She goes back in.]

RORY

Heads up, man coming in.

LORELAI

Oh! The T.V.!

RORY

You won't come downstairs, I'm bringing downstairs up to you. On the table, Frank.

FRANK

Very good. [To Lorelai] Evening, Ma'am.

LORELAI

Evening.

RORY

That's Frank, my driver. So, I put all the things you will definitely need within easiest reach - water, basic foodstuffs - then, the things that you have to reach for or stand up for recede in order of frequency of use. It's not a science, but I did the best I could.

LORELAI

Well, I'm loving the cereal combo.

RORY

Five different kinds, three sweetened, with a mix of non-fat milk and half and half. It's a Paris recipe.

LORELAI

Thank her for me.

FRANK

All done here.

RORY

Excellent.

FRANK

Anything else I can get for you?

RORY

I don't think so. Thanks, Frank.

LORELAI

Yeah, thanks, Frank. [He leaves.] Wait, who's Frank?

RORY

Oh, well, I had to get out here, and my car is at the dealer for it's six month service. So my friend had a car and a driver standing by, so they let me borrow it and Frank, and, well, that explains Frank.

LORELAI

You take your car to the dealer?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

They're such a rip-off there.

RORY

It says in the book to take it to the dealer.

LORELAI

If it said in the book to drive off a cliff, would you drive off a cliff?

RORY

Yes I would.

LORELAI

And 'they' is a 'he'.

RORY

Who?

LORELAI

The 'they' with the limo.

RORY

Yes, he's a 'he'.

LORELAI

Thank Logan for me.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

Look, you and Frank should go.

RORY

No!

LORELAI

Yale's going to get mad.

RORY

Yale's not going to get mad.

LORELAI

Rory, I'm glad you came, but look how fine I am. I'm surrounded by everything I could possibly need. I even have raw cookie dough, for God's sake.

RORY

That was Lane's idea.

LORELAI

A whole village has seen to my needs. Go. It's time. Look, I'm sitting up and everything.

RORY

And you're feeling better, I mean, for real this time?

LORELAI

I'm not a hundred percent, but I'm getting there. I swear.

RORY

The downstairs is all set too. I cleaned up. Vacuumed a little, spot dusted. Oh, and I've checked in with Sookie.

LORELAI

Oh, good.

RORY

The party for the little girls and their dolls? Michel apparently really came through and it was a big hit. He sang a medley from Annie.

LORELAI

Oh, the big guns. Good. Now go!

RORY

Okay. But I am going to call a lot.

LORELAI

I'm good with that.

RORY

And I only have one class tomorrow, so I could stop by again in the afternoon.

LORELAI

Well, there'll be no need.

RORY

You can call me, too, you know.

LORELAI

I know, Mom.

RORY

Okay. Bye.

LORELAI

Bye, honey.

RORY

And I'm going to have Frank honk before we leave.

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

I don't know, it just sounds fun.

LORELAI

Okay.

LORELAI

Hey, Luke, it's me. I know I'm not supposed to be calling, but I am not doing really great right now, and - [Pause] I was just wondering, if, do you remember in The Way we Were, how Katie and Hubbell broke up because his friends were joking and laughing, and the president had just died, and she yelled at them and he was mad and he was going out to Hollywood, and, I mean, which she hated, and he broke up with her and she was really upset. And she called him and asked him if he would come over and sit with her because he was her best friend and she needed her best friend, and he did. And they talked all night, and they went out to Hollywood, which was a disaster, but it was good at first. With the boat, and uh, putting the books away. I've seen this movie a lot, so if you don't remember the putting the books away scene, don't feel stupid or anything. I was just sitting here thinking about it, because I, um, I'm in my house, and I was just, uh [Her voice breaks] Could - please come over. I - please. Rea

LORELAI

Oh, my God.

LOGAN

Hey, Ace, how you doing?

RORY

Fine.

LOGAN

Come on in.

RORY

Um, Logan, wait. No, I can't stay, I'm just returning Frank.

LOGAN

Returning Frank?

RORY

And the limo. Thanks very much.

LOGAN

Everything okay back home?

RORY

Okay enough. It was good that I went. Thank you very much for your help.

LOGAN

You're very formal tonight.

RORY

What?

LOGAN

Just your tone. It's formal.

RORY

Well, that's how it is. And, I fed Frank a nice sandwich, so he's all good to go.

LOGAN

You know you ended up being extremely lucky for me, Ace.

RORY

Is that so?

LOGAN

I took Robert for everything he had, plus everything I owed him from last time. You should come to all these things.

RORY

Yeah, kiddo, maybe I should.

LOGAN

What?

RORY

Hey, did it ever occur to you when I called to ask you if you wanted to hang out that I meant that it should just be the two of us?

LOGAN

I actually wasn't sure, the whole thing was a little vague.

RORY

It wasn't vague.

LOGAN

No, hanging out's a little vague. It's not a specific boy-girl thing.

RORY

Well, I can tell you that I wasn't expecting to be Fanny Brice to your Nicky Arnstein.

LOGAN

But I already had this game going, and I couldn't just kick everybody out, so my choice is to say no and not see you at all or say yes and do it the way we did it.

RORY

Well, I wasn't expecting a group.

LOGAN

So, I should have said no, meaning I wouldn't see you at all? I wanted to see you.

RORY

Well, that's nice. I wanted to see you too. I just thought it would be a little more intimate.

LOGAN

Intimate?

RORY

You know what I mean.

LOGAN

So the only time we can see each other is to have sex?

RORY

No, Logan, that's not what I'm saying.

LOGAN

That's what I'm taking from this.

RORY

Well, don't take that. That's not what I'm saying.

LOGAN

So, we can see each other under all kinds of conditions. Alone, in a group.

RORY

Yeah.

LOGAN

Good. Last night happened to be a group thing.

RORY

Right.

LOGAN

So I don't see the problem.

RORY

Yeah. No, I guess there really wasn't a problem.

LOGAN

Glad we cleared that up.

RORY

Yeah, me too.

LOGAN

[steps forward]

Now, I'm going out of town for a few days, but I was going to give you a call to set something up for when I get back, but you called me first.

RORY

Right.

LOGAN

I'm back next Saturday. It's the first night I'm back. Want to - I don't know, what are the kids saying these days? Hang out?

RORY

I'm never listening to the breakfast cereal girls again.

LOGAN

What?

RORY

Nothing. I'm free.

LOGAN

No group this time.

RORY

No group this time.

LOGAN

Good, so next Saturday. [They kiss.] Thanks for feeding Frank.

RORY

You're welcome.

LOGAN

And I promise not to call you kiddo again, I kinda picked up on that sarcasm from before.

RORY

There are just so many other things you could call me.

LOGAN

That's an opening. [She kisses him again.]

RORY

Bye.

LOGAN

[Looking after her]

Bye, Ace.

LORELAI

Luke.

LUKE

Are you okay?

LORELAI

Yeah, I -

LUKE

Sure? I got here, there was no answer.

LORELAI

[sighs]

You got my message.

LUKE

Yeah, I was home and I couldn't reach the phone, so I ran over here. I knocked, there was no answer, so I tried the loose window, but I fixed that last week, and then I realized I fixed all the stupid ways there were to get in your house, and I broke the back door lock and I ran inside and you weren't there.

LORELAI

Oh, my God.

LUKE

It's okay, I can fix it.

LORELAI

I'm so sorry, Luke. I will never do this to you ever again. I am absolutely humiliated. I was hurting, and I knew if I called you you'd come. I never should have done that.

LUKE

It's okay.

LORELAI

No, it's not okay. It's not okay. I am not that girl. I am not the one who cries and falls apart and calls her ex-boyfriend to come and save her. Thank you so much for coming, and for breaking my door. You're an amazing guy for doing that. [She hands him the tape.]

LUKE

What's that?

LORELAI

It's the tape from your answering machine.

LUKE

From my answering machine?

LORELAI

The last crazy thing you will ever have to endure from me, I promise. [Pause.] I just want you to know that I heard you when you said that you're out. I did. I'm going to respect that from now on.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

You should go. It's cold. I'll be fine.