T5E15: “Jews and Chinese Food”

LORELAI

Oh, sure. Thanks.

VOICE

Come in.

LORELAI

Hi! Hello. I'm sorry, do I have the wrong room?

DOYLE

I wouldn't know.

PARIS

[coming out of her room]

How delightful to have all of my towels used and then deposited in my hamper with my dry clothes to create a pungent musty combo. Hey, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Paris, good, I have the right room.

PARIS

This is Rory's mother.

LORELAI

[leans over to shake Doyle's hand]

Hi. Lorelai.

DOYLE

I'm Doyle, Rory's editor.

PARIS

And my lover.

LORELAI

Okay, well, super.

DOYLE

I don't think lover is exactly the correct term, Paris.

PARIS

Really? What is the correct term, Doyle?

DOYLE

At a later time, Paris.

PARIS

Doyle and I haven't defined the social aspects of our relationship yet.

LORELAI

Ah.

PARIS

Although we're having sex three or four times a week, so apparently the sexual aspects of our relationship are crystal freaking clear.

DOYLE

Paris, I beg you.

LORELAI

Is Rory here? 'Cause I could wait outside, or -

PARIS

I'm making you uncomfortable.

DOYLE

Yes.

PARIS

Her. Not you.

LORELAI

No, I'm fine. You two should be alone.

PARIS

I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be talking about love, or sex, especially since you -

LORELAI

Since I -

PARIS

Don't have any.

LORELAI

Rory! Are you here?

RORY

[OS]

Yeah, I'm just getting my coat!

LORELAI

Ah! Can I watch?

RORY

[OS]

Oh, is Paris out there?

LORELAI

She sure is.

RORY

[OS]

Come on in.

LORELAI

Nice meeting you, Doyle.

DOYLE

Nice to meet you, too.

PARIS

Yes?

DOYLE

You look so hot when you find me annoying.

PARIS

Then I must be Gisele Bündchen to you 24/7.

RORY

Sorry, I thought she and Doyle were indisposed.

LORELAI

No, no, plenty of disposal going on. So I notice you told Paris about my breakup.

RORY

Ah. I'm sorry, I didn't tell her on purpose. It's very difficult to keep anything from Paris. It's very close proximity and I swear she has a dog's ears.

LORELAI

That's fine.

RORY

I didn't mean to blab.

LORELAI

I know. But, hey, don't worry about me. Things are starting to look up. [She holds up the flier she received outside.] They think I'm a student.

RORY

[peering at the flier]

And they also think you're Polynesian and potentially sexually undecided.

LORELAI

Yeah. Well, still an improvement.

RORY

Okay. Ready.

LORELAI

This was a good idea, having dinner.

RORY

Well, it is Friday night.

LORELAI

Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Ava and Adolf. Lovely.

RORY

[indignant]

It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf!

LORELAI

No, no, that was Grandma.

RORY

Oh.

RORY

We're going.

DOYLE

Rory, are these your chips?

RORY

Yes, Doyle.

DOYLE

[crunching]

Can I have some?

RORY

Knock yourself out, Doyle.

PARIS

Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.

LORELAI

Okay, Paris.

PARIS

And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off antidote.

RORY

You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga.

LORELAI

Damn it.

LORELAI

Okay, so where do the cool kids sit?

RORY

This is Yale. There are no cool tables.

LORELAI

Oh, come on. Point out the cliques. The geeks. The stoners. The Plastics. Give me the scoop.

RORY

The scoop is that this is Yale. There are no cliques, we are beyond cliques.

LORELAI

So you get to college, and everybody just loves each other?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

It's Haight Ashbury all over again.

RORY

Except the tie-dye is done by Prada.

LORELAI

Okay. [She starts to sit down at a table.]

RORY

Hey, not that one.

LORELAI

See, that was the clique table.

RORY

No, it's under an air vent. [They sit at the next table.]

LORELAI

Seriously, Grandma, buy a shawl.

RORY

Hey, one good cold can set you back a month in studying.

LORELAI

Mmm. See, in my mind, I heard 'partying', but okay.

RORY

[Raising her glass]

Here's to our very own special Friday night dinner.

LORELAI

Hear, hear. [They clink their glasses.] This stuff looks pretty good.

RORY

It is. So what's going on at home?

LORELAI

[gasps dramatically]

Big grapefruit shortage. The hurricanes wiped them out and Taylor is completely freaking out.

RORY

I'm sure.

LORELAI

And Patty and Babette are organizing Stars Hollow's first botox party.

RORY

Are you invited?

LORELAI

Are you insinuating I should be?

RORY

So the Hollow's low on grapefruits.

LORELAI

Uh-huh. And I'm doing costumes for the Stars Hollow Elementary School production of Fiddler on the Roof.

RORY

[meaningfully]

So, how are you doing?

LORELAI

I'm doing fine.

RORY

How are you doing?

LORELAI

I'm doing fine. I swear. I'm getting better.

RORY

No word from Luke?

LORELAI

[sighing]

Not waiting on word from Luke.

RORY

Okay.

LORELAI

Anyhow, I'm fine. I mean, not that I'm over it, but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier must be right around the corner.

RORY

I'm sure it is.

LORELAI

And I'm working on getting down a new routine. I've settled on Weston's in the morning.

RORY

Decent coffee, excellent strudel.

LORELAI

Yeah. So, that's me. How are you?

RORY

Hmm, well, I study, then study, then after a little study break, I study.

LORELAI

Uh-huh. How's, um, Logan?

RORY

He's been out of town for a while so I haven't seen him.

LORELAI

Hmm. And what else?

RORY

Mm. [Avoiding eye contact]

LORELAI

What?

RORY

I got an e-mail from Dad.

LORELAI

[surprised]

Oh, you did? Huh. When?

RORY

Monday.

LORELAI

Only two weeks after the fact. Very speedy.

RORY

I'm sure he was just nervous.

LORELAI

You know, you don't need to hide that from me.

RORY

Well, I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear about it, or hear Dad's name -

LORELAI

Hey, it's part of the whole 'moving on' thing, right? So what did he say?

RORY

He wanted to give me his side of the story.

LORELAI

Oh, well. Unless his side of the story includes having his long-lost evil twin lock him in the closet and come to the wedding in his place, his side of the story doesn't exist.

RORY

He said it was all a misunderstanding.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

He said the only reason he came was to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa's vow renewal.

LORELAI

And 'cause Adolf told him to.

RORY

He says he likes Luke.

LORELAI

Yeah, he's proven that.

RORY

He just wants you to be happy.

LORELAI

So, he got me dumped.

RORY

And, basically that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding.

LORELAI

You know, the more he defends himself, the more he needs to defend himself.

RORY

Hey, do you think Grandpa knew about it?

LORELAI

About Christopher coming?

RORY

Do you think he planned it with Grandma?

LORELAI

Look how panicked you are. No, honey, honestly, the whole thing reeks of Emily. I mean, not that I think he would have discouraged it, but I'm pretty sure she's the one who poisoned the apple and gave it to Dopey to bring to the party.

RORY

Yeah.

GIRL #1

Oh my God.

GIRL #2

Never again.

GIRL #1

Never, never again.

LORELAI

[quiet, to Rory]

See, we are at the cool table. [Rory looks at her.] I'm telling you, if she throws up you're golden.

LORELAI

You are so not starving here at Yale.

RORY

My lips are frozen.

LORELAI

Look, while it might seem a little eccentric to eat ice cream in forty degree weather -

RORY

You'd think!

LORELAI

There are several advantages to the concept. For example, since it's cold out, the ice cream won't melt, therefore it'll last longer.

RORY

So then my lips will stay frozen for double the amount of time.

LORELAI

Mm-hmm. Okay, I lost the feeling in my tongue!

RORY

I'm throwing the ice cream out now.

LORELAI

Oh, my God, it's frozen. It's like an ice cube. A tongue-shaped ice cube and it'll never thaw.

RORY

Then why don't you shut your mouth? Let the heat stay inside?

LORELAI

That was hostile. [Pause.] And useful. Thank you. [Points across the quad.] Hey, isn't that your naked guy?

RORY

Oh, yeah. Marty, hey! He's not my naked guy.

LORELAI

Well, you don't really want a communal naked guy, nowadays, you know, it's too sketchy. [They look over. Marty is gone.] Huh. Well, I guess he didn't hear about you sitting at the cool table.

RORY

[distracted]

Yeah.

LORELAI

You guys rumbling?

RORY

No, we're just not as close lately.

LORELAI

Aw, that's too bad. He seems like a nice guy.

RORY

Yeah, he is.

LORELAI

All right, honey. Thank you for dinner.

RORY

You're leaving?

LORELAI

Yeah, I should get back.

RORY

Okay. You can come in and watch T.V. for a while if you want.

LORELAI

It's okay.

RORY

You can even stay over if you don't feel like driving back.

LORELAI

Are there monsters under your bed again?

RORY

I'm just saying.

LORELAI

Look, Miss Nightingale. I appreciate your concern. And the offer to spend the night is much nicer than the suggestion that I shut my mouth, but I'm fine.

RORY

You sure?

LORELAI

Big girl.

RORY

Yeah. It's still new.

LORELAI

Angel, I have been dumped before.

RORY

Not by Luke.

LORELAI

No, not by Luke. But a dump is a dump. The process is still the same. Don't worry, Mom's cool.

RORY

I know Mom's cool.

LORELAI

'Cause you heard about the table?

RORY

Exactly.

LORELAI

All right, kid, I'll see you later.

RORY

Okay, bye. [They kiss on the cheek and Lorelai goes.]

LORELAI

Wow, looks good. Hey, I’m Lorelai, I’ll be here every morning.

WOMAN

Here we go. Three coffees.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I’m sorry. I only ordered one.

WOMAN

You said “Coffee, coffee, coffee”.

LORELAI

Haha, no, see, I said “coffee-coffee-coffee”.

WOMAN

Right.

LORELAI

As in I really need coffee-coffee-coffee. You know.

WOMAN

No.

LORELAI

Coffee-coffee-coffee is a saying, like an exaggeration. It’s a funny, desperate cry for caffeine. It’s just my thing. ‘Cause everybody knows I drink a lot of coffee, so the day can’t start until I’ve had my jolt. It’s a bit. My bit. [The woman stares blankly at her.] It’s not a particularly funny bit unless you know me, then – you know what, three coffees would be great. What do I owe you?

DOYLE

[upset]

I don’t know what other words I should use. Perhaps I should talk slower, or have a woman sit in a circle above my head signing my words to you.

GLENN

That would be fresher than you yelling at us.

DOYLE

Glenn.

GLENN

Sorry. But every time I hear you I hear my mother. See my mother -

DOYLE

Stop comparing me to your mother.

GLENN

Stop acting like her.

DOYLE

Anyhow, as I was saying –

GLENN

Pick up your socks!

PARIS

Hey! Our editor’s talking!

GLENN

He’s your boyfriend, not mine.

PARIS

That has yet to be determined.

RORY

[To Glenn]

You’re particularly sassy today.

GLENN

I know. It must be my new glasses prescription.

DOYLE

I need all of you to hand in a hard copy of your stories in addition to filing them electronically. Last week our mail server was down and we very nearly missed our deadline. Now how would that have looked?

GLENN

Blank.

DOYLE

Glenn!

GLENN

Sorry. Mom. [He and Rory snicker.]

DOYLE

New system starts today. [Rory sees Marty through the window and gets up to go talk to him.] I want all articles in hard copy on my desk – where are you going?

RORY

I’ll be right back.

DOYLE

I’m talking!

RORY

And very well, might I add.

DOYLE

Gilmore!

RORY

Doyle, I could be back by now!

RORY

Now that’s a manly sized cup of coffee.

MARTY

Uh, yeah. I, uh, I worked late, and I had a paper and I didn’t get a lot of sleep –

RORY

Marty, you never have to apologize for a huge cup of coffee to me.

MARTY

Right. I know. [He turns and starts walking away. Rory stays with him.]

RORY

So you’ve been pretty busy lately, huh?

MARTY

Uh, yes.

RORY

Working a lot?

MARTY

Yes.

RORY

Studying a lot?

MARTY

Yes.

RORY

So that’s probably why I haven’t seen you very much.

MARTY

Yes. Probably.

RORY

I missed you. A lot.

MARTY

Well, I’m sure you’ve been a little busy yourself.

RORY

I guess. Hey listen, are you working this weekend?

MARTY

Uh, no.

RORY

Great, because I was thinking. It’s been ages since we’ve had a good hangout night.

MARTY

Oh, well –

RORY

We could watch DVD’s, order food. Oh, I just got the new Marx Brothers box set. You love the Marx Brothers, Duck Soup!

MARTY

I don’t know if I can –

RORY

Did you hear me? I just said Duck Soup.

MARTY

Rory –

RORY

We could watch them all. You know, start early. Make a major marathon thing out of it. Just us. We haven’t done this in a long time. Please?

MARTY

Okay. Sounds good.

RORY

Really? Oh, great! [She gives him a hug.] Okay, so on Saturday? Three-ish?

MARTY

Three-ish it is.

RORY

Excellent. Really. Okay, I have to get back, and you have a lot of coffee to drink. So I’ll see you Saturday.

MARTY

See you Saturday.

RORY

[heading back inside]

Okay!

ANDREW

Hey Luke, great boat you got out there.

LUKE

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

ANDREW

Are you selling it, or [he covers one eye with his hand and talks in a pirate voice] is it some kind of seafood promotion?

LUKE

I don’t want to talk about it!

ANDREW

[mumbling]

Good thing you parked it right outside the diner, then.

LUKE

What?

ANDREW

[coughs]

Nothing. Nothing.

LULU

Go on. He’s right over there.

LUKE

Geez, kid! Don’t just stand there, you’ll give me a heart attack.

LUKE

Hey.

BRADLEY

Mr. Danes.

LUKE

Yeah, speak up, there, kid. We’ve got a bit of a height difference here.

BRADLEY

I need to ask you something.

LUKE

Bathrooms are in the back. They’re for customers only, so you have to order something. You want to order something? [Bradley shakes his head.] You want to use the bathroom? [Bradley shakes his head again.] Well then what do you want? [Bradley starts sucking on his inhaler.] What are you doing? What’s he doing?

LULU

Don’t worry. This always happens when he’s terrified.

LUKE

What the hell is he terrified of?

LULU

Bradley, would you like me to tell him for you? [Bradley nods.] Okay. Luke.

LUKE

Why’s he doing that?

LULU

Oh, he’s fine.

LUKE

He doesn’t look fine.

LULU

Luke. Luke! [She snaps her fingers] Eyes on me! Eyes on me. Thank you. Now, as you know, I teach third grade over at the elementary school. And our production of Fiddler on the Roof is on Saturday. And Bradley here is in charge of set design. Right, Bradley? [Bradley nods.] So, he just wanted to come here and tell you that he will need you at the school tomorrow at three o’clock. And please bring your own tools. Okay? You did that very well, Bradley!

LUKE

What are you talking about?

LULU

I thought Bradley was very clear.

LUKE

What do you mean, he needs me at the school tomorrow? He needs me at the school to do what?

LULU

To help build the sets.

LUKE

I’m not going to help build any sets.

LULU

But –

LUKE

I have a diner to run. I don’t have time to build any sets.

LULU

But Lorelai signed you up weeks ago.

LUKE

She did?

LULU

Yes, she did. She signed you up to build the sets and she signed herself up to make the costumes.

LUKE

Oh, I must have forgot about that.

LULU

Yeah. I know you two are having a little trouble, I mean, I saw the boat. But I figured since it was for the kids you’d still be willing to help.

LUKE

Lorelai’s still making the costumes?

LULU

Oh, of course she is. A lot of the parents are helping out, with costumes, make-up, lighting, programs –

LUKE

But you’ve spoken to her recently, and she’s going to be there, making the costumes?

LULU

Look, Luke. If it’s going to be too hard for you to be in the same space as Lorelai, I totally –

LUKE

No, it’s fine. I’ll be there.

LULU

You sure?

LUKE

Yeah, I mean, if other people are going to be helping out, I might as well, you know. It’s for the kids – I’ll see you tomorrow at three, right?

BRADLEY

With your tools.

LUKE

With my tools.

LULU

That’s great. Thank you, Luke. The kids’ll be thrilled.

LUKE

Well, that’s what matters, right?

LULU

Let’s go, Bradley.

BRADLEY

I hope he’s not late.

LULU

Oh, I hope so too.

SOOKIE

No more pork!

LORELAI

Finally, something to put on our business card.

SOOKIE

I’m tired of it. I am out of interesting ways to serve it and I’m not buying it anymore.

LORELAI

Hmm.

SOOKIE

I want another other white meat.

LORELAI

Mugsy raised the price on you again, huh?

SOOKIE

That pig-hoarding bastard.

LORELAI

Well, cut it out for a month. I bet he comes around.

SOOKIE

I guess. Ooo, what’s in the bag? [Lorelai opens the bag and displays its contents.] And that is –

LORELAI

A bag of Santa beards.

SOOKIE

Naturally.

LORELAI

I need twenty-five dark beards for Fiddler on the Roof. I drove to four different towns and six different costume shops and this is all I could find. Apparently Lieberman’s the only Jew in Connecticut. [Sookie giggles] Hey, can I borrow some tea?

SOOKIE

Why?

LORELAI

I thought I’d use it to dye them.

SOOKIE

Oh, very clever. Up on the shelf.

LORELAI

Thanks.

SOOKIE

So, other than the great beard search, how was your morning?

LORELAI

Fine.

SOOKIE

Yeah? Good! So, what route did you take to work today?

LORELAI

Oh, the usual. You know, Main Street to Oak and then a sharp starboard turn at the marina and four nautical miles to the Inn.

SOOKIE

You saw it.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah.

SOOKIE

Rats.

LORELAI

I saw the back of the boat driving from Weston’s, I saw the front of the boat from the bank and then I went upstairs to the post office and I got a nice aerial shot of the boat. Basically I took the White House tour of the boat.

SOOKIE

I can’t believe Luke did this. I mean, what was he thinking?

LORELAI

I don’t know.

SOOKIE

When did he come get it?

LORELAI

Beats me. I didn’t notice it gone when I left this morning, so –

SOOKIE

Did he tell you he was going to take it?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

Well, I think that stinks. He’s a jerk for pulling something like that.

LORELAI

It’s his boat. He can do what he wants with it.

SOOKIE

Not if it’s something mean. He can’t.

LORELAI

Well, I caused the situation in the first place. I bought the boat. I put it in my garage.

SOOKIE

I know, but he broke your heart and now he’s rubbing your face in it.

LORELAI

Geez, I sound pathetic.

SOOKIE

I know!

LORELAI

Look, Sookie, please. You don’t have to be mad at Luke. Okay? You don’t have to hate him.

SOOKIE

Oh, I don’t mind hating him.

LORELAI

I appreciate that, but I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. [She picks up the bag of beards.]

SOOKIE

Where are you going? Did I drive you out? I’m sorry! I’ll stop talking about it.

LORELAI

No, it’s fine. I’m fine, I just have stuff to do. I have costumes to make and beards to convert, so I’ll see you later.

SOOKIE

Okay.

LULU

Hey, Luke! We are so glad you to see you.

BRADLEY

You’re ten minutes late.

LUKE

Yeah, uh, sorry about that. Hey, I brought my tools.

LULU

Great. Well, this is Damon.

LUKE

Hey there Damon.

DAMON

My mother’s a lesbian.

LUKE

Oh. [Pause] I brought my tools.

LULU

And you remember your supervisor, Bradley.

LUKE

Yeah, Bradley. Nice to see you again, Bradley.

LULU

Well, you boys should get started. I’ll be right over here if you need my help. Have fun!

LUKE

So, where do we get started, men?

BRADLEY

First we have to build Tevye’s house.

LUKE

Okay, we can do that.

BRADLEY

There’s plans for the house over here.

LUKE

Uh, yeah. Show me the plans.

DAMON

Do you know any lesbians?

LUKE

Uh, uh, sure, I do.

DAMON

How many?

LUKE

Three, maybe four.

DAMON

Maybe four?

LUKE

Well, waiting on confirmation.

DAMON

I like lesbians.

LUKE

Yeah, they’re, they’re swell.

BRADLEY

Here are the plans.

LUKE

Okay, let’s see what we got. [Luke looks at the plans.] All right. Looks pretty simple. Looks like the boards are already cut. Okay, let’s get started. Uh, everyone grab a Philips-head screwdriver. [The boys dig around in a box.] Okay, once you have your screwdriver – what are you holding? Bradley, that’s a hammer.

BRADLEY

It is?

LUKE

Damon, that’s tape.

DAMON

Oh.

LUKE

I can’t believe this. No one ever taught you what a Philips-head screwdriver is?

DAMON

My mother’s a lesbian.

LUKE

Uh-huh, okay. Come here. See, this is a Philips-head screwdriver. And this is a flathead screwdriver. See, ‘cause it’s got a –

LUKE

Yes, exactly. Now, we need a Philips-head screwdriver, so go ahead and find that, and we’ll get started. Okay? Hurry up, we get done by five, beers are on me.

CARRIE

Well, well, well, look who Santa stuffed in my stocking.

LUKE

Yeah, Carrie. What a surprise.

CARRIE

Isn’t life a scream? My God, you look fantastic. Breakups agree with Luke Danes. Give me a hug. [She throws herself on him, he looks uncomfortable.]

LUKE

Yeah, easy there, kids are here.

CARRIE

[breathy]

So, how are you? I heard all about it. I tell you, that Lorelai is out of her mind. I mean, that’s apparent from the outfits alone, but to let one of the last real He-Men go free, she should up that dosage, baby.

LUKE

Carrie, what are you doing here?

CARRIE

Oh, I’m the director, isn’t that fabulous? Jenny got me into it.

LUKE

Jenny is your –

CARRIE

My youngest, she’s seven. [Hushed] God help her, the spitting image of her father.

LUKE

Yeah, where is she?

CARRIE

Oh, she’s hiding under a chair somewhere. She’s so odd, that girl. She’s always hiding from me.

LUKE

Yeah, crazy. Anyway, I gotta build Tevye’s house, here.

CARRIE

Oh, I have to get rehearsals started anyway. It’s good to see you Luke, we’ll have to catch up later.

LUKE

Yeah, sure, we sure will, Carr. [She goes out onto the stage. Bradley and Damon rejoin Luke.] Don’t you ever leave me alone with her again! [They nod.]

CARRIE

Okay, kids. I need my cast right here in the middle of the stage. Everybody, let’s gather right here.

KIRK

Hey, Luke. You’re helping out here?

LUKE

Oh, yeah. Sets. How about you?

KIRK

I’m playing Tevye.

LUKE

You’re –

CARRIE

Come on, kids. Chop, chop.

KIRK

Excuse me, my director’s calling.

CARRIE

Okay, now, before we start rehearsal, I just want to ask, has anybody seen Jenny?

CARRIE

Okay, never mind. Now, I need to remind you that I need to know whose mommies and daddies are going to be coming to the show. [Damon waves his hand.] Yes, Damon, I know your mommy’s a lesbian, but is she coming to the show? [Damon nods.] Okay, great. And everyone else, I need to know so I can issue your tickets. [Kirk puts up his hand.] Yes, Kirk.

KIRK

My mother’s going to be in Florida.

CARRIE

Okay, fine. Everybody else, tell me or Miss Kuschner by the end of the day. Now before we start, does anybody have to go potty? [Several kids, and Kirk, put up their hands.] Well, go now and go fast, we have a lot of work to do.

KIRK

I’ll just be two minutes and then it’s L’Chaim to Life.

LUKE

Hey, Lulu?

LULU

Yes?

LUKE

I was just wondering, where are all the other tall people?

LULU

Excuse me?

LUKE

You know, other people to help out with the lighting, the makeup, the costumes.

LULU

Oh, they’ll be here. They all come in at different times.

LUKE

Okay, I was just asking. No biggie.

KIRK

I’m here! I’m done, I flushed.

CARRIE

Good boy, Kirk! Okay, everyone take your places for the top of the show!

LUKE

[To Lulu]

What is Kirk doing in the play?

LULU

Oh, we couldn’t find a boy who could handle the part.

LUKE

But it’s an elementary school play. How hard could the part be?

LULU

Tevye is a very demanding role.

LUKE

But –

LULU

We looked and looked. We even opened up auditions to the scary extension school kids, but nothing. And you know, we had a terrible experience last year when we did Jesus Christ Superstar.

LUKE

Oh, yeah.

LULU

Jesus was allergic to peanuts and stuffed one up his nose and broke out in terrible hives during intermission. The second act was all Judas and Pontius Pilate – pure disaster. We had to refund money, it was a nightmare. So this year, we went with a ringer. [She looks lovingly at Kirk, who has started rehearsing.]

KIRK

A fiddler on the roof? Sounds crazy, no?

LUKE

Oh, boy, does it.

SOOKIE

I got ‘em! I’m here!

LORELAI

[from the garage]

Oh, great. Get in here.

SOOKIE

I got all the glue and glitter they had.

LORELAI

[reading a design magazine]

Perfect.

SOOKIE

So, what are you thinking here?

LORELAI

I don’t know. Something colorful, or something peaceful. You know, it could be a Zen sort of space, or a yoga studio. Drew Barrymore has one.

SOOKIE

Oh, and she looks very calm.

LORELAI

Yeah. I just want it to be a special all-me alone place. Here, look in this for ideas.

SOOKIE

Ooo, classic Hollywood homes.

LORELAI

Oh, and look what I found.

SOOKIE

A disco ball! Where’d you find a disco ball?

LORELAI

In my closet.

SOOKIE

Wow. [Her cell phone rings.]

LORELAI

I should have done this years ago.

SOOKIE

[answering her phone]

Hello?

MICHEL

I heard a noise in the kitchen.

SOOKIE

What kind of noise?

MICHEL

A ‘bam’, or a ‘clang’. Possibly a ‘crash’. It might have a ‘wham’ or a ‘kapow’.

SOOKIE

Well, did you go check it out?

MICHEL

[Running the lint roller over the top of the computer monitor]

Excuse me, I’m extremely busy. Someone here has to work, I mean, the two of you just run off to do your little decorating project and you leave me here alone.

SOOKIE

Michel! Did you actually hear a noise?

MICHEL

Of course I heard a noise. It was a ‘thwap’ or a ‘vroom’.

SOOKIE

Gotta go, Michel. [She hangs up.] Oy.

LORELAI

What’s a matter?

SOOKIE

Apparently Batman’s attacking the inn.

LORELAI

Hmm. [She holds up a shimmering gold fabric.] Hey, Moulin Rouge, what do you think? Jeweled elephant in one corner, Ewan McGregor in the other.

SOOKIE

Ooo, sounds yummy. [Her phone rings again. She answers it.] What, Michel?

MICHEL

I’m smelling something very funny coming from the kitchen. Could be a pungent cheese, could be arson. Should I call the firemen to come, or should I just fetch some crackers?

DOYLE

Ah, Rory. Good. I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to talk to you about something. [He tosses his keys and jacket on the chair.] I think we need to discuss the incident at the Daily News the other day. [He grabs a soda out of the fridge.]

RORY

What incident, Doyle?

DOYLE

We were in the middle of a meeting. I, your editor, was talking, and suddenly, without warning, you flew out of the room.

RORY

I was gone for five minutes, Doyle.

DOYLE

Yes, but the very fact that you felt comfortable enough to leave signals a big problem.

RORY

I had to talk to a friend.

DOYLE

This is a matter of respect, Rory. Respect for the paper, respect for me. Frankly, respect for yourself. [He takes off his sock.]

RORY

Doyle –

DOYLE

I have a pebble in my shoe. Damn thing’s been driving me crazy all day long. [He pulls the pebble from the sock and places it on the table. Rory looks disgusted.] Anyhow, where was I?

RORY

My lack of respect for you.

DOYLE

Yes, good, thank you. You have to remember that this is college. You’re dealing with real life here. You have to start developing boundaries between your work and your personal life.

RORY

Doyle!

DOYLE

What?

RORY

Your sock is on my coffee table!

DOYLE

Just for a second.

RORY

You want to talk about boundaries? You are here every day. You eat my food. You drink my soda. You have a key and you don’t even live here.

DOYLE

Paris said ‘mi casa su casa’.

RORY

Great. Well, Paris’ casa is right in there, so go in or get lost, because I have company coming, and I don’t want the first thing he sees when he walks in to be your feet or your face.

DOYLE

But – but I’m your editor.

RORY

Out! And take your pebble with you!

DOYLE

[grumbling while collecting his things]

Bet Woodward and Bernstein never tossed Ben Bradley out of their room.

RORY

Ben Bradley kept his shoes on! [She slams the door.]

MICHEL

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but suddenly I am the only one working.

SOOKIE

You’re right, no one noticed.

MICHEL

My arm is cramping up.

LORELAI

We offered to take over, Michel.

MICHEL

These stencils are antiques. They’ve been handed down from generation to generation of Girards. No one touches these stencils but me.

SOOKIE

Okay.

MICHEL

The fumes are making me sick.

LORELAI

Oh, my God, you had a fit to be included, and you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.

MICHEL

I did not have a fit to be included. I have a life. I have plenty of friends. And I dare you to find anyone who has a larger collection of techno and world music than I do. Feel that I need nothing from either one of you.

LORELAI

[To Sookie]

Poor Michel.

MICHEL

No, do not ‘poor Michel’ me. No.

SOOKIE

Well, I have to say, for only a few hours’ work, this place looks pretty snazzy.

MICHEL

[climbs down from the ladder]

Ah, I have finished with this wall.

SOOKIE

Super, three more to go.

MICHEL

Well, yes. Sometimes doing one wall makes it the focal point, the place of interest.

LORELAI

All four walls, Michel.

MICHEL

You tricked me into this.

LORELAI

Just like Tom Sawyer.

SOOKIE

So, what do you think? Is it turning into exactly what you had in mind? Your special, all-you, alone place?

LORELAI

[sadly]

Yeah. It sure is.

RORY

What’s up, Doc?

MARTY

What’s up Doc?

RORY

Well, Harpo doesn’t talk, so there’s no catch phrase.

MARTY

Well, then, do Groucho.

RORY

Everybody does Groucho. Come in!

MARTY

[looking around] I like what you’ve done with the place.

RORY

Well, it’s all about the vibe. What’d you bring?

MARTY

Just some leftovers from the Cartina engagement party.

RORY

I told you I would take car of the food.

MARTY

And I see you did.

RORY

Pretzels of the world. San Francisco sourdough, German pumpernickel, chocolate covered Swiss, and the wasabi bites are very intriguing. I also ordered a pizza before you got here.

MARTY

Okay, well, at least we got the food part covered.

RORY

Yes, we do. Sit, sit, sit.

MARTY

You going to stay like that all night?

RORY

Oh, no. Sorry. [She takes off the wig and hat.]

MARTY

I mean, you can.

RORY

No, it’s okay.

MARTY

I mean, it works for you.

RORY

No, I’m good. [Another awkward pause.] I guess we should start the movie.

MARTY

Okay.

RORY

Wasabi nugget?

MARTY

Thanks. [He grabs a handful, without looking, and shoves them in his mouth. A horrified look crosses his face.]

RORY

[concerned]

You in a little bit of pain there?

MARTY

[mouth full]

Uh-huh. Much, much more than a little!

RORY

Well, don’t worry! Your mouth will get numb in about a minute.

MARTY

[mouth full]

I’m really looking forward to that.

RORY

How about a soda?

MARTY

[mouth full]

That would be terrific, thanks.

PARIS

Oh, thank you very much for kicking my undefined sexual male partner out of the room that we share.

RORY

I had company coming, Paris.

PARIS

You insulted him, you demeaned him. You mad him feel unwelcome.

RORY

He was unwelcome.

PARIS

And now, thanks to you, he refuses to come back here which means I have to spend the night over at his place with his three roommates! The place is a health violation. Things grow on the windowsill without the help of pots or soil and there is the faint aroma of sweat socks and starter cologne lingering in the air at all times, and yes! I have to bring my own toilet paper over there because it is a third world country. Thank you! Very, very much!

MARTY

God, I missed this place.

LUKE

Now that is a counter-sunk screw, Damon. Good man. Your lesbian mother will be proud.

LUKE

Oh, hey. Lulu. It’s a big day, you know?

LULU

I know. It’s so exciting.

LUKE

Yeah. But, uh, I’m still wondering where the other adults are.

LULU

They’ll be here.

LUKE

Yeah, you’ve been saying that for days and I’m still the only person in here that doesn’t have to hang his sheets out the window in the morning.

LULU

I don’t understand.

LUKE

They wet their beds, Lulu.

LULU

Oh, right. Well, I promise you, Luke. By tonight, there’ll be lots of grownups here for you to talk to.

LUKE

It’s not about having someone to talk to, it’s –

KIRK

Luke, we’ve got a problem.

LUKE

Yeah, what is it, Kirk?

KIRK

Well, this dairy cart you made me –

LUKE

What’s wrong with it?

KIRK

[lifting the handles]

It pulls too easily and the wheel doesn’t wobble.

LUKE

So what?

KIRK

Well, it’s too good. You built me a twenty-first century dairy cart.

LUKE

There’s no such thing as a twenty-first century dairy cart.

KIRK

Exactly. Look, Tevye’s a poor man. You’ve heard the song.

LUKE

Yes, I’ve heard the song, Kirk.

KIRK

Okay, so he’s poor. He’s tired. He’s suffering, and his horse is lame. His life is hard, so pulling this cart should be hard.

LUKE

You’re an actor. Pretend it’s hard.

KIRK

I’m not that kind of actor. For my type of work, it has to be legitimately hard.

LUKE

There you go. Remember to thank me in your acceptance speech. [Luke leaves.]

KIRK

Thank you, Luke. [He tries to push the cart. He seems impressed.] Hey, this is impossible!

CARRIE

All right, kids, break’s over! Kirk, let’s take it from the last part of your first monologue. All right, places, everyone! [The kids run to their places in the wings.] And – music.

KIRK

Because of our traditions, we’ve kept our balance for many, many years. Here, in Anatevka, we have traditions for everything. How to eat, how to sleep, how to wear clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered, and always wear a little prayer shawl. This shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, how did this tradition start? I’ll tell you. I don’t know. But it’s a tradition.

KIRK

Because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do.

EVERYONE

Who, day and night, must scramble for a living? Feed his wife and children? Say his daily prayers? And who has the right, as master of the house, to have the final word at home. The papa, the papa! Tradition! The papa, the papa! Tradition!

LUKE

[rushing onto the stage]

Hey, she tripped! Yente tripped!

KIRK

Damn it! I was feeling it, people! I was feeling it!

LULU

Anna, honey, are you okay?

LUKE

No, she’s not okay! She tripped!

CARRIE

She’s fine, Luke.

LUKE

How would you know if she’s fine? Your kid’s under a chair somewhere.

LULU

Luke –

LUKE

Her costume doesn’t fit.

LULU

We’ll fix it before the show!

LUKE

It should’ve been fixed by now! I mean, this shouldn’t have happened! There were supposed to be other adults here! This is ridiculous! This is completely unacceptable! [He storms off the stage.]

KIRK

He takes his work very seriously. I mean it. Just try and pull this cart.

LUKE

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey. Luke, what are you –

LUKE

Yente tripped!

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

She tripped, just as she was heading out to tell Avram about Ruchel.

LORELAI

The shoemaker’s daughter?

LUKE

Yeah, she’s trying to fix him up with Avram’s son.

LORELAI

She’s almost blind, she can hardly see.

LUKE

Hey, I am not doing a bit with you here. The kid tripped, because her dress was too long!

LORELAI

Okay, is she hurt?

LUKE

Of course she’s not hurt, but she completely blew her entrance. All the people of Anatevka are standing around with their goats, she tripped and they have to reset the goats!

LORELAI

Luke –

LUKE

And if you were there where you were supposed to be, her costume would’ve fit, and Yente wouldn’t have tripped.

LORELAI

[getting mad]

What do you mean, where I was supposed to be?

LUKE

You’re making the costumes. At least that’s the rumor. I’m making the sets, and I’m there.

LORELAI

Yeah. I am making the costumes. I’m making the costumes here and then I’m bringing them there when they are done.

LUKE

Oh, sure. A likely story.

LORELAI

Hey, what is your problem?

LUKE

My problem is that I’m spending the day teaching a bunch of kids to use tools which won’t properly fit in their hands for another eight to ten years, because you signed me up to do it, and then you’re not even there when you’re supposed to be!

LORELAI

Well, you could’ve said no.

LUKE

I could’ve said no. Have you tried saying no to Bradley when he’s got a giant inhaler shoved in his mouth?

LORELAI

No.

LUKE

Well you can’t! [He notices the decorated garage.] What the hell am I looking at?

LORELAI

It’s my new special alone space.

LUKE

Oh, yeah? Well, you got a whole house of special alone space.

LORELAI

[hurt]

Not like this.

LUKE

So, what, are you going to hang out in your garage, now?

LORELAI

I don’t know, maybe! I mean, why not? It’s not like I have a boat that needs storage, or anything!

LUKE

You could park your car in here.

LORELAI

I never park my car in here! I have never, ever parked my car in here, Luke! And you know that! But I come home to this big, huge, suddenly empty space, and I thought I would try to do something nice, so it wasn’t just a giant hole of depression sitting out here!

LUKE

I thought I was doing you a favor.

LORELAI

Oh, please.

LUKE

I did!

LORELAI

Well, gee, thanks a lot.

LUKE

It’s your garage!

LORELAI

Whatever.

LUKE

I mean, what was I supposed to do, leave the thing in here forever?

LORELAI

Oh, no. Absolutely not. Much better to sneak it out of here and park it in front of the diner like a giant “they broke up” billboard for the whole town to see.

LUKE

I didn’t mean it like that.

LORELAI

Well, how did you mean it, Luke?

LUKE

I can’t believe you’re mad at me for getting my boat out of your garage!

LORELAI

I’m not mad at you for getting your boat out of my garage. I’m mad at you for the way you got the boat out of my garage.

LUKE

What, did I ruin the lawn?

LORELAI

You didn’t even call me, Luke. You didn’t leave a message or a note or anything. You just snuck in and took it, and I got to come home and find it gone. Although, I didn’t come home and find it gone! I drove by the diner and assumed it was gone! You know what, it doesn’t matter. ‘Cause it’s done. We’re done. It’s fine. I’m not mad.

LUKE

I can tell.

LORELAI

Well, I have dresses to make, so I’ll see you at the theater. [She walks to the house.]

MARTY

I am going to say something that will upset possibly everyone in the entire world.

RORY

Wow.

MARTY

I thought the I Love Lucy episode with Harpo Marx was lame.

RORY

[gasps]

Get out.

MARTY

There’s no way Harpo even for a second would have believed he was looking in a mirror. And the last time they made that ‘popping up from behind the partition’ move, Lucy was totally slower than him.

RORY

You’ve carried this with you for a very long time.

MARTY

I mean, we had to believe a lot during those Hollywood shows. Dori Shary just happened to be hanging out in their pool. And I’m sorry, I was totally with Lucy when Ricky took those women to the premiere of his movie. What an ass.

RORY

You’ve got to stop watching I Love Lucy.

MARTY

Oh, man, I hope that’s Paris. Maybe she and Doyle had a fight. That would be great.

RORY

[getting up]

There’s so much darkness under this bosom buddies exterior of yours. [She opens the door.]

LOGAN

Hello stranger.

RORY

Hi. You’re back.

LOGAN

Just rolled in.

RORY

So, how was it? Was it fun?

LOGAN

No, very dull. Let’s not talk about it. We’re all going to China Palace for food. Grab your coat, let’s go.

RORY

Oh, um. I can’t.

LOGAN

What? Sure you can. Come on. I missed you, let me buy you a fortune cookie.

RORY

I kind of have company.

LOGAN

Really, anyone I know? [He looks in over Rory’s shoulder. Marty stands up.] Hey, Marty, good to see you.

MARTY

Uh, yeah. You too.

LOGAN

Well, you come too. The more the merrier.

RORY

Oh, well –

LOGAN

Come on, Marty. If you’re going to be hanging with Ace like this, it’s time I get to know you without a waiter’s uniform on. Let’s go. Car’s waiting outside. [He leaves.]

RORY

We do not have to go.

MARTY

But you want to.

RORY

No. Well, I mean, if you do. But you don’t, so forget it.

MARTY

Uh, it’s cool. Let’s go.

RORY

Really? Are you sure? Because you don’t look sure.

MARTY

Sure. I’m sure. Car’s waiting outside.

RORY

Okay. But if we get bored, or if Dori Shary happens to be there then we bail.

MARTY

Deal.

RORY

Okay, I’ll get my coat.

LOGAN

I swear, I thought he was never going to wake up.

COLIN

If I knew the hangover was going to last that long I wouldn’t have.

ROSEMARY

There’s nothing like a ‘you wouldn’t believe how drunk I was’ story to get the girls all hot.

COLIN

It always worked before.

JULIET

Oh, God, the smell of this food is making me ill.

RORY

Mmm, I think it’s delicious.

JULIET

How can you eat like that?

ROSEMARY

Juliet hasn’t eaten a meal since 1994.

JULIET

My metabolism simply doesn’t accept food.

LOGAN

Yes, that must be it. A modern medical miracle. May I? [He pours some of his beer into Rory’s glass.]

RORY

Sure. Hey, Marty, do you want some beer?

LOGAN

Here you go, man. I got you. [He pours.]

MARTY

Thanks.

FINN

Rosemary’s going home with me tonight. I just thought everyone at this table should know.

ROSEMARY

Oh, Finn, you do hallucinate.

JULIET

Are you going to eat that fried shrimp?

RORY

I think I am.

JULIET

Oh, God, can I watch?

LOGAN

Juliet, just eat something!

JULIET

No! I am not eating until I get married to some gorgeous but very poor man who will sign an iron-clad pre-nup and get very, very fat, but he won’t ever leave me because he would be cut off without a penny and die in a trailer park.

FINN

My God, that is brilliant.

ROSEMARY

That is sick.

FINN

I agree with anything Rosemary says tonight.

ROSEMARY

Not going home with you, Finn.

COLIN

You know where they had the best Chinese food in the world? This tiny little place outside of Zugerberg.

LOGAN

Aw, Zugerberg.

FINN

The golden days of Zugerberg.

MARTY

What’s Zugerberg?

COLIN

Zugerberg is the boarding school I went to in Switzerland.

RORY

Really?

COLIN

Yep. Grade seven through twelve.

RORY

Wow. Living in Switzerland? That sounds exciting.

MARTY

Boarding school. Man, that must’ve sucked.

COLIN

Sucked? Are you kidding? Those are the greatest days of my life. Oh my God, the partying that went on there. Insane.

LOGAN

I did a year at Andover. Not bad.

MARTY

So you didn’t miss your home, your family?

COLIN

My family? Did I miss my family? [chuckling] Logan, did I miss my family?

LOGAN

Huh, let’s see. Which mom were you on then?

COLIN

I believe it was the blonde.

LOGAN

Ah, yes.

FINN

She was hot.

COLIN

You didn’t know her, Finn.

FINN

All your mothers have been hot, Colin.

COLIN

No, Marty, I didn’t miss my family.

BOY

Tevye. I suppose you know why I’ve come to see you.

KIRK

Yes, I do, Rabbi Lazar, but there’s no use talking about it.

BOY

Why not?

KIRK

Why yes? Why should I get rid of her?

BOY

Well, you have a few more without her.

KIRK

I see. Today you want one, tomorrow you may want two.

LORELAI

[hushed]

Hold still, hold still. Looks good. There you go. Now, no more bottle butting till the show’s over.

LUKE

Here you go, Paulie. Sneak that out there when they start dancing.

KIRK

Why is it so important to you?

BOY

Frankly, because I’m lonesome.

KIRK

Lonesome? What are you talking about?

BOY

You don’t know?

KIRK

We’re talking about my new cow! The one you want to buy from me.

LUKE

[threatening]

I’ve got a hammer.

CARRIE

Oh, I know you do.

BOY

A milk cow? So I won’t get lonesome? [laughs]

KIRK

What’s so funny?

BOY

I was talking about your daughter.

LULU

I need that schwanza.

LORELAI

Oh, I got it. I got it.

LULU

Sarah – where’d Sarah go?

LORELAI

Relax, we’ll find her.

LOGAN

Okay, the night’s young. Where are we going next?

RORY

I don’t think I can move.

JULIET

You’re full?

RORY

I’m full.

JULIET

Is it fabulous?

RORY

You know, Juliet, it doesn’t suck.

FINN

Let’s go to the Alligator Lounge.

LOGAN

Yes. Perfect. Zydeco music. You’ll love this place.

RORY

Well, I –

LOGAN

What do you say, Marty? You up for a little Cajun craziness?

MARTY

Uh, I –

COLIN

Okay. I got it. Everybody owes seventy-five bucks. Pony up, please, so we can get the hell out of here.

MARTY

Seventy-five?

LOGAN

[to Rory]

I got you.

RORY

Okay. [to Marty] Are you okay? Do you have enough?

MARTY

Uh, I don’t –

LOGAN

Hey, don’t sweat it, man. I can cover you, too.

MARTY

No thanks.

LOGAN

It’s no big deal. I invited you. My treat.

MARTY

It’s okay. [He gets up.] I just need to find an ATM. I’ll be right back. [He leaves.]

RORY

Marty –

COLIN

An ATM. My, how quaint.

RORY

I’ll be right back.

LOGAN

You okay?

RORY

Oh, yeah. No, I’m fine. I just – I think I remember seeing a bank across the street, so I’ll go catch Marty.

RORY

You couldn’t find an ATM?

MARTY

Oh, no, there’s at least six ATM’s within a two block radius. And every single one of them is going to tell me that I only have eighteen dollars in my account. And then I believe they will flip me off.

RORY

Well, I think some of the more reputable banks have suspended their flipping off policies.

MARTY

I can’t go back in there. I can’t leave. So here I stand, frozen on the sidewalk.

RORY

Here. I have some money.

MARTY

No.

RORY

Marty, just take it.

MARTY

I’m not going to take your money.

RORY

Well, you’re not going to just stand out here for the rest of the night.

MARTY

Well, why not?

RORY

Because. At the very least, when all those guys come out of the restaurant, they’ll see you. Come on. Please, Marty. Look, just say you found an ATM, take the money, we’ll go inside, you’ll hand it to the guys, and then we’ll leave. You and me.

MARTY

What about the Zydeco club?

RORY

Well, I’ve never felt the need for Zydeco before in my life. No need to change that now. Come on, please?

MARTY

Yeah. And I thought getting pantsed at the prom was going to be the low point in my life.

KIRK

Do you love me?

GOLDE

Do I what?

KIRK

Do you love me?

GOLDE

Do I love you? With our daughters getting married, and the trouble in the town, you’re upset, you’re worn out, go inside, go lie down! Maybe it’s indigestion.

KIRK

Golde, I’m asking you a question.

LUKE

[to kid]

Okay, go.

KIRK

Do you love me?

GOLDE

I’m your wife!

KIRK

I know! But do you love me?

GOLDE

Do I love him? For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. Twenty-five years my bed is his. If that’s not love, what is?

KIRK

Then you love me?

GOLDE

I suppose I do.

KIRK

And I suppose I love you too.

MARTY

I’ll pay you back next weekend.

RORY

Marty, please forget about it.

MARTY

I work a party Saturday night. I’ll pay you on Sunday. There’s a possibility it may all be in ones, but –

RORY

[grabs his arm]

I’m really sorry about tonight.

MARTY

No need to apologize.

RORY

You want to come in? We still have a few movies left to watch.

MARTY

Rory, I feel like I really need to tell you something.

RORY

Okay.

MARTY

Um, I know we’re friends. [He smiles.] And I’m glad we’re friends. But I don’t want to be just friends anymore. I like you.

RORY

I like – Logan.

MARTY

Yeah. I figured.

RORY

I don’t know why.

MARTY

Really? ‘Cause I’ve got a few guesses.

RORY

I’m sorry. Um, I don’t know what to say.

MARTY

It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.

RORY

Are we still friends? Please say that we’re still friends.

MARTY

Sure. We’re still friends.

RORY

Please come back in. We can watch Duck Soup again. Please?

MARTY

I don’t really want to watch Duck Soup right now, Rory. I really like Duck Soup, so I really don’t want to associate it with this particular night.

RORY

I understand.

MARTY

Yeah. [He sighs and heads up the stairs. He stops halfway.] I’ll pay you back next weekend.

RORY

Okay.

LOGAN

Hey.

RORY

Hey.

LOGAN

Can I? [He gestures inside.]

RORY

Yeah, sure.

LOGAN

Huh. That move always seems cooler in the movies.

RORY

No, I think you maneuver your way through a window quite gracefully.

LOGAN

Thank you.

RORY

I assume you’ve had practice.

LOGAN

No, first time.

RORY

I’m sure. [He strokes her arm.] So, how was the Zydeco music?

LOGAN

Ah, I left when Finn jumped in on vocals.

RORY

Excellent self-preservational instinct.

LOGAN

I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.

RORY

Oh, yeah, I got home okay.

LOGAN

So I see.

RORY

Thanks for the concern, I appreciate it.

LOGAN

It wasn’t all concern.

RORY

Oh, really?

LOGAN

No. I don’t believe I said a proper goodnight to you this evening.

RORY

No, you didn’t.

LOGAN

Good night, Ace.

RORY

I thought you said a proper goodnight.

LOGAN

You want to get changed into something more comfortable?

RORY

More comfortable than this?

LOGAN

I actually was hoping for some feetsie pajamas.

RORY

Oh, now you know I’m not that kind of girl.

LOGAN

Do you want me to go?

LOGAN

Rory, do you want me to go?

RORY

No.

LOGAN

Okay, ‘cause if you think climbing in that window was hard –

RORY

Shh.