T5E19: “But I’m a Gilmore!”

PARIS

Founder's Day punch?

KIRK

Abba Zabbas.

LORELAI

Good morning Vietnam! How's everyone feeling today?

LORELAI

Terrific! Okay, I got tacos, hard tacos, I got soft tacos, I got fries, curly, straight, and spicy -

PARIS

Are you serious?

LORELAI

Trust me. It's the best hangover food on the east coast.

KIRK

You get a Mars bar? You know, hare to the dog?

LORELAI

Ah, there's pop tarts in the cabinet, Kirk. Coffee'll be up in a minute, grab some water and start hydrating!

PARIS

The smell of these tacos is making me nauseous.

LORELAI

No, no, no. That's the quart of Patty's non-FDA-approved Founder's Day punch you drank last night. Eat a taco.

RORY

Oh, thank God, hangover food.

LORELAI

That's my little college girl.

RORY

Tito's was open this early?

LORELAI

Well, it was for me.

RORY

The power you have over fast food owners is astonishing.

PARIS

[mouth full of taco]

Oh, God. I think I'm going to throw up. [Pause] No. I'm good.

RORY

By the way, thanks for leaving me on the bathroom floor all night.

LORELAI

Uh, hey, I tried to get you up. You actually used your foot to stop me.

RORY

I did?

LORELAI

Yes. It was very House of Flying Daggers, but with vomiting.

RORY

Sorry. I don't remember that. The foot part. The vomiting part, however -

PARIS

Stop saying the word 'vomiting'. Unless you want a Mr. Creosote situation on your hands here.

KIRK

Oh, man. I think I got a cavity. I got to stop partying like this.

LORELAI

What are you looking for?

RORY

My book bag.

LORELAI

I believe it's in your room.

RORY

Room?

LORELAI

That way.

RORY

Right.

LORELAI

Hey. [She directs Rory to the couch.] I got you a beef burrito. I thought it might be too hardcore for the amateurs in the kitchen, but I figured you'd appreciate it.

RORY

Thanks. [They sit.]

LORELAI

So, how are you feeling?

RORY

I've been better.

LORELAI

Yeah. You take aspirin?

RORY

Aspirin?

LORELAI

White pill, big 'A' on it.

RORY

Right, yep.

LORELAI

Oh, here, before I forget. Um, this fell out of your pocket last night while you were pulling an Exorcist.

RORY

[takes the cell phone]

Mm. Paris gave it to me to hold so she wouldn't call Doyle.

LORELAI

She was the talk of the town this morning. Attacked the pretzel cart, police backup had to be called for the first time ever.

RORY

She was quite a mess.

LORELAI

Huh. So apparently it was a theme.

RORY

I am sorry. It won't happen again, believe me.

LORELAI

You, of all people, should know the dangers of the Founder's Day punch. Did you learn nothing from Mommy's Coyote Ugly bar dance at last year's Salute to the Quakers festival?

RORY

Oh, now, you can't blame that all on the punch.

LORELAI

Well, don't get me wrong, I'm always up for a little mother-daughter bonding, but seriously. When did facials go out of style?

RORY

I'm sorry.

LORELAI

I just don't like seeing you like that.

RORY

That makes two of us.

LORELAI

So, what was all that stuff you were babbling on about last night?

RORY

What stuff?

LORELAI

About Logan. Things aren't going so well with the two of you, huh?

RORY

I'm going to get some coffee.

LORELAI

Rory.

RORY

I know. Kitchen, that way.

LOGAN

Well, this is a surprise.

RORY

Can I come in?

LOGAN

Sure. You want to sit down?

RORY

Nope. Got to stay vertical.

RORY

What?

LOGAN

You have, like, an octagon imprinted on your face.

RORY

I can't do this anymore Logan.

LOGAN

Do what?

RORY

This casual dating thing. I don't like it. It's not who I am and I don't want to make it who I am.

LOGAN

Whoa, hold on here. Where's this coming from?

RORY

It's coming from me. The ravishing creature standing in front of you.

LOGAN

We talked about this.

RORY

I know.

LOGAN

I didn't make you do this.

RORY

I know. I'm not accusing you of anything. This isn't your fault.

LOGAN

I don't understand. I thought everything was going so well.

RORY

What are you talking about? I haven't heard from you in a week.

LOGAN

I was busy. I had some friends in town, and -

RORY

You know what? It doesn't matter. You're not my boyfriend, you don't owe me any explanations. I just don't want to be one of the many anymore.

LOGAN

Oh, Rory, come on!

LANNY

Hey, Logan, Cassandra's on the phone.

LOGAN

Take a message.

LANNY

She's got a great accent. Where's she from?

LOGAN

Lanny! Message!

LANNY

Fine. Relax, man. Geez.

RORY

Go call Cassandra back. We're done here.

LOGAN

How are we done here?

RORY

I said everything I have to say.

LOGAN

Which is what?

RORY

I'm a girlfriend girl, Logan. I have boyfriends, not escorts.

LOGAN

Ah. [He starts pacing.]

RORY

I thought I could be different, but I can't. I'm sorry. Maybe we can just go back to being friends again.

LOGAN

[mad]

Or maybe we can become boyfriend and girlfriend, right?

RORY

What?

LOGAN

I get it. I get what you're doing.

RORY

I'm not doing anything.

LOGAN

Hey, if that's what you want then just come out and say it. But you coming in here and issuing an ultimatum -

RORY

I am not issuing an ultimatum!

LOGAN

That's not what I heard.

RORY

I said let's be friends!

LOGAN

That's not what you meant!

RORY

[moans]

I need a taco!

LOGAN

[crosses over to her]

All right, fine. I'll do it.

RORY

Do what?

LOGAN

I'll be your boyfriend.

RORY

You can't be my boyfriend.

LOGAN

Why not?

RORY

Because you told me that you can't be my boyfriend.

LOGAN

If I say I can, then I can.

RORY

You have a hundred girls on speed dial. You keep a second bathrobe in your closet for overnight guests.

LOGAN

That's all beside the point. You came in here to say you were unhappy with the situation, right?

RORY

Right.

LOGAN

Fine. I've rectified the situation. Problem solved.

RORY

No. Problem not solved.

LOGAN

Hey. If I say I can do this, I can do this!

GIRL

Hey Logan. Thought maybe I could get you to buy me some lunch.

LOGAN

Oh, geez -

RORY

I'm sorry. Could you excuse us for just a second? We're almost done here.

GIRL

Sure. I'll just wait out here.

RORY

So the Swedish flight attendants should be here any minute.

LOGAN

I swear this situation has never happened to me before in my life.

RORY

Logan -

LOGAN

Rory. Do you really want to stop seeing me?

RORY

No, but I can't -

LOGAN

'Cause I don't want to stop seeing you.

RORY

Okay, but -

LOGAN

So then just accept what I'm saying. I like trying new things. It's new, it's different, but I can do it.

RORY

Are you sure?

RORY

Well, I know you can do that, but -

RORY

I really want to believe you.

LOGAN

Then believe me. We're starting fresh right now, new beginning. So you want to go grab some lunch? We'll hammer out the details.

RORY

I should probably change first.

LOGAN

Go home, change. I'll pick you up in half an hour.

RORY

[smiles]

Okay.

LOGAN

See how good this is going so far? I think I'm going to be an excellent boyfriend.

RORY

I agree. Now do you want to go tell her, or should I?

LOGAN

Oh, crap. I'll be right back.

PARIS

Doyle?

DOYLE

Hey.

PARIS

What are you doing here?

DOYLE

I'm dying.

PARIS

What do you mean, you're dying?

DOYLE

I got sick. And then my very concerned roommates kicked me out because they have exams.

PARIS

Oh my God.

DOYLE

I didn't know where to go, so I came here. I called you first.

PARIS

I was gone this weekend.

DOYLE

So I just came by. I thought I'd wait till you got back, then I fell asleep.

PARIS

You've been here all weekend?

DOYLE

Uh huh.

PARIS

I thought you were avoiding me.

PARIS

I'm sorry you're sick.

DOYLE

It feels like bees are buzzing in my head. Feel it.

PARIS

What?

DOYLE

Feel my head.

PARIS

Why?

DOYLE

I just want you to know how hot I am.

PARIS

[backing away]

Well, when you're hot, you're hot and when you're not, you're not. That's how the song goes. Just follow the song.

DOYLE

What?

PARIS

I just don't see what putting my hand on your head is going to get you.

DOYLE

It's just -

PARIS

I'm not a shaman, Doyle. I don't have healing powers.

DOYLE

Where are you going?

PARIS

I'll be right back.

MICHEL

Hold on a second. [Lorelai approaches.] It's for you. It's Sookie. She's done with her doctor's appointment.

LORELAI

Oh, she say how she is?

MICHEL

Mm, to someone who may have asked her, I'm sure she would have.

LORELAI

Mm-hm. [She takes the phone.] Hey, Sookie.

SOOKIE

The bastard put me on bed rest.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Dr. Menck. He told me to lie down immediately and not to get up again until little Cherry or Norric comes out.

LORELAI

Oh. Well, we'll get to the names in a second. So, are you serious about the bed rest? Where are you?

SOOKIE

I'm at home, on the couch!

LORELAI

Are you okay?

SOOKIE

No, I'm not okay! I have a dinner to get out.

LORELAI

Well, honey, I think we're going to have to do that without you.

SOOKIE

But how?

LORELAI

Well, we have a kitchen staff, and you just tell me what still needs to be done, and we will handle it.

SOOKIE

Okay. Get a pencil.

LORELAI

Okay. Pencil in hand.

SOOKIE

You need to grate six carrots and four parsnips, and then take some flour and butter, melt the butter, make a roux.

LORELAI

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

Uh, baby, you lost me at carrots. Which, uh, by the way, was the first draft of 'you had me at hello'.

SOOKIE

You had me at what? What are you talking about?

LORELAI

Oh, sorry. I see we've entered the no humor zone. Look, just relax. I'm going to take care of everything.

SOOKIE

But the ducks.

LORELAI

The ducks will be fine. They're lying in a pan with their heads chopped off, so the worst part is behind them. Now, don't worry. Go rest, and I'll check in with you later.

SOOKIE

But -

LORELAI

Happy hibernating!

MICHEL

No Sookie?

LORELAI

No Sookie. Come on.

LORELAI

Okay, now tell me who does what, and what we need to keep things running.

MICHEL

Well, we need Sookie here.

LORELAI

Okay. Well, she's not going to be here, so let's go to plan B.

MICHEL

Okay, plan B. That involves Sookie's clone, also named Sookie.

LORELAI

Well, um, who here makes the sauces?

MICHEL

Sookie.

LORELAI

Who here, Michel?

MICHEL

Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces. She makes the sauces.

LORELAI

Well, what does Mark make?

MICHEL

Salads.

LORELAI

Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?

MICHEL

Well, that man over there does the cleaning. That man over there dresses the plates, that man uses tongs, and I have no idea what that man in the corner does. But I would check his trunk before he leaves.

LORELAI

Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?

MICHEL

Pretty much.

LORELAI

We can't run a restaurant serving just salads and desserts!

MICHEL

I would not go to eat, no.

LORELAI

Wait, okay. Here we have duck. Um, who here does the duck?

MICHEL

Nobody touches the ducks.

LORELAI

Well, starting now, someone has to touch the ducks!

MICHEL

I do not know what to tell you, except that it will not be me.

LORELAI

[sighs]

This is bad, Michel.

MICHEL

I'm getting that, yes.

LORELAI

Well, we'll just figure something out, right?

MICHEL

Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.

LORELAI

We'll just, um, formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. You have any ideas?

MICHEL

We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces -

LORELAI

No more suggestions necessary, Michel.

MICHEL

Well, I'm here if you need me.

LUKE

Luke's!

LORELAI

How pretty do you think I am?

LUKE

Are we using a specific day? Have you had a good night's sleep?

LORELAI

Sookie's doctor put her on immediate bed rest, and I thought it would be fine, but no one will touch the ducks, and Michel wants to order a hoagie, and I am starting to hyperventilate and I'm not wearing a stretchy fabric, and -

LUKE

I'll be right there.

LOGAN

How's that headache of yours?

RORY

Subsiding a little. The mashed potato, mac and cheese, biscuit, gravy plate combo really helped a lot.

LOGAN

I have to say, half the fun in being with you is the horrified looks on the waiters' faces.

RORY

Please. I'm an amateur compared to my mother.

LOGAN

So what do you think? You up for a movie?

RORY

Oh, yeah. Something really bad.

LOGAN

Absolutely. Let's check the paper and see if Rob Schneider's still employable.

LOGAN

I think I have a paper over -

HONOR

Well! Look how long you make a girl wait for you!

LOGAN

Honor!

HONOR

Do you really think you're worth it?

LOGAN

What are you doing here?

HONOR

Apparently begging for some affection!

HONOR

It is so good to see you.

LOGAN

You too!

RORY

Listen, Logan. Maybe I should go.

LOGAN

What? Oh, sorry, God. Rory, this is my sister Honor. Honor, Rory Gilmore.

RORY

[relaxes]

Sister? Really? Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you.

HONOR

It's nice to meet you too.

RORY

Hey, your sister's here. Cool.

LOGAN

So, what's the occasion?

HONOR

Well, I had to see you, and since you never check your email I had to drag myself down and beg Lanny to let me in so I could show you this! [She holds up her hand to display a ring.]

LOGAN

Holy! [They hug again.]

HONOR

It happened last night!

LOGAN

Oh, Josh finally gave in, uh?

HONOR

Oh, stop it. He's lucky I ever looked at him in the first place.

LOGAN

Well, congratulations.

HONOR

Listen. I need a favor. I'm going to tell them tomorrow night and I need you there for support.

LOGAN

Come on.

HONOR

Hey. I backed you up when you wanted to take a year off school and sail around the world. I wired you the money when you sunk the yacht. I helped pay off the Indonesian Coast Guard!

LOGAN

Okay, okay! I'll be there.

HONOR

Oh, thank you! I love you, I love you, I love you. Okay. Now I can breathe. And focus on - [she turns to Rory] - you. Hi. [She laughs.]

RORY

Hi.

HONOR

Okay, I'm totally blanking. Your name is?

RORY

Rory. Rory Gilmore.

LOGAN

Yeah, Rory's my [pause] girlfriend.

RORY

You okay over there? You need a little water, or a time machine?

HONOR

I'm sorry, did you say girlfriend?

LOGAN

Yes.

RORY

It's new.

HONOR

[laughs]

Oh, my God! I've never heard him call anyone his girlfriend before. Well, Alyssa Milano, but he was ten and in a weird Who's the Boss phase.

LOGAN

Oh, wow, time flies when you're getting pushed out the door.

HONOR

Okay, I'm sorry. Listen, you must come to dinner too.

RORY

Oh, um -

HONOR

No. Really, come. Please come. It'll make it more festive and distracting.

LOGAN

We'll see.

HONOR

Okay, fine. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow night. Please don't be late?

LOGAN

I promise.

HONOR

Bye, Rory.

RORY

Bye!

LOGAN

And that is my sister.

RORY

I like her!

LOGAN

Yeah, she's cool!

RORY

Listen, you do not have to take me to dinner tomorrow. It's a family thing, I totally understand.

LOGAN

No, you should come.

RORY

Logan.

LOGAN

Hey. Boyfriends bring their girlfriends to their family's houses for dinner. It's natural.

RORY

How would you know?

LOGAN

I saw it on Who's the Boss. Now, let's find that paper.

LORELAI

So, there's the fridge, stove's over there, grill's on the side, freezer's in the back. That's salad man, plate guy, tongs guy, check-his-trunk-before-he-leaves guy, and here are the ducks. Are you familiar with ducks?

LUKE

I am familiar with ducks.

LORELAI

But, I mean, not just familiar, like you know what a duck is. I mean, have you cooked a duck before?

LUKE

I can handle the ducks. Relax.

LORELAI

Okay. Ducks handled. Good.

LUKE

Now, does Sookie have a menu notes, or, uh -

LUKE

Oh, thanks, uh -

MANNY

Me llamo Manny.

LUKE

Manny. Gracias, Manny.

LORELAI

I talked to Sookie, she said everything you need is in that folder, it's a little unorganized.

LUKE

Well, it wouldn't be Sookie's fault if it wasn't a little unorganized.

LORELAI

Okay, so what can I do to help?

LUKE

Nothing.

LORELAI

Ah. Perfect answer.

LUKE

Not without a hairnet.

LORELAI

Okay. I'll be out there if you need me.

PARIS

He's right there.

DOYLE

What's going on?

PARIS

I'm taking care of you.

DOYLE

You're - [Nanny forces Doyle to sit up and takes off his shirt.] Hey!

PARIS

This is Nanny. She only speaks Portuguese.

DOYLE

What's Portuguese for 'Ow, you're ripping my chest hair out'?

PARIS

Clean shirt. Got it.

DOYLE

What's she doing? What's that jar? She's got salve! She's got salve! [He struggles as Nanny rubs the salve on his chest.]

PARIS

Doyle, relax. Nanny took care of me for years.

DOYLE

Oh, God. Do you remember when Han Solo finds Luke Skywalker in the snowstorm and he cuts open their dead Taun-taun to hide inside? That's what I smell like at this moment.

PARIS

She makes that balm herself. I'm telling you, it's magic.

DOYLE

Paris, no offense to Nanny and her magic healing balm, but when I came over here I thought you would take care of me.

PARIS

I am taking care of you. I brought you Nanny.

DOYLE

I don't want Nanny. I'm scared of Nanny. Can't you just take it from here?

PARIS

No.

DOYLE

Why?

PARIS

Sick people freak me out.

DOYLE

You're pre-med!

DOYLE

Paris -

PARIS

Lie down! You'll feel better soon, I promise!

MANNY

Cocina. Sí, aquí esta. Luke, Sookie.

LUKE

Hey, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Hi.

LUKE

Hi.

SOOKIE

Whatcha doing?

LUKE

I'm cooking.

SOOKIE

Right, good. Little test. So, I was just checking in, making sure everything was fine.

LUKE

Everything is fine.

SOOKIE

The ducks working out for you?

LUKE

The ducks are selling like hotcakes.

SOOKIE

[giggles]

Like hotcakes. God, you are a funny guy! I just, I never realized. So, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really grateful to you for jumping in like this.

LUKE

Happy to jump.

SOOKIE

Are you straining the sauce?

LUKE

Excuse me?

SOOKIE

The duck sauce. Are you straining it?

LUKE

Yes.

SOOKIE

Twice?

LUKE

No.

SOOKIE

Oh, well. It's really best if you strain it twice. It makes it really smooth.

LUKE

People seem to be liking the sauce, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Well, sure, when you don't know what you're missing, then -

LUKE

Okay, tell you what. From now on, I will strain the duck sauce twice. Three times, if it'll make you happy.

SOOKIE

No! Then it'll be too runny!

LUKE

Twice it is.

SOOKIE

Thank you.

LUKE

You're welcome. [Lorelai enters the kitchen. To Lorelai] Hey. I've got Sookie on the phone, do you need to talk to her?

LORELAI

Yes, actually. Great.

LUKE

[to Sookie]

I'm handing you over to Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hey.

SOOKIE

[upset]

He's not straining the duck sauce three times, is he?

LORELAI

Uh, not to my knowledge. Hey, Sookie, where are the applications?

SOOKIE

I don't know why you'd joke about a thing like that. Three times! That's not funny!

LORELAI

Sookie, the applications, from the culinary institute, for your temporary replacement?

SOOKIE

Are they not there?

LORELAI

Uh, depends on where 'there' is.

SOOKIE

Huh. They're around somewhere. Check the freezer. Sometimes I like to read in there.

LORELAI

That's very Lucy of you. I'll call when I find them. Now rest. Bye.

SOOKIE

Bye.

LORELAI

You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot.

LUKE

That's because you're standing right next to the broiler.

LORELAI

Oh, is that what we're calling it now?

LUKE

Not in front of the guys, please.

LORELAI

Fine. I'll save my dirty cooking jokes for later.

LORELAI

Yeah, I was just wondering if I could get you to re-submit those applications. [Pause] Well, we seem to have misplaced them. As soon as possible would be great. [She hears a noise from the kitchen. She looks concerned.] Uh-huh. You can just fax them over, that'd be great. Thanks. Bye.

LORELAI

Hello, is somebody there?

RORY

[walking from her room into the kitchen]

Hey, Mom!

LORELAI

[sighs]

Hey, Mom? That's it? You just gave me a heart attack and all you have to say is 'hey, Mom'? I thought you were a vicious serial killer.

RORY

[getting a soda from the fridge]

Who you were going to challenge to a pillow fight?

LORELAI

What are you doing here, Sassy McSassterson?

RORY

I needed some stuff.

LORELAI

What stuff?

RORY

My blue dress.

LORELAI

What do you need your blue dress for?

RORY

Okay. I am going to tell you something. But when I do, you cannot say a word.

LORELAI

Why not?

RORY

Because I don't want to hear it.

LORELAI

Hear what?

RORY

What you're going to say.

LORELAI

But how do you know what I'm going to say?

RORY

Trust me. I know.

LORELAI

Hey, I have been known to say some very surprising things. 'Hugh, I know you're with Elizabeth Hurley, but how about picking up a hooker tonight?' That was me.

RORY

Mom!

LORELAI

Okay, fine.

RORY

Logan and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend. And I am here because I need my blue dress. To wear to his parents' house tonight.

RORY

I went over to Logan's apartment yesterday. I told him that I didn't want to do the casual dating thing anymore. That it wasn't me, and we should just go back to being friends. Instead, he decided to commit.

LORELAI

A -

RORY

Not a word. Now I know that things may have started off a little rocky - [Lorelai starts to say something else] Ah, ah, ah. But I am very happy with the way things are going and I think that, in time, you will be too.

RORY

Okay, I have everything I need. I have to get going. Logan's picking me up at six. It was nice talking to you. Don't forget to breathe.

LUKE

[tasting]

Good, add the parsley and get it out there. [The phone rings. He answers. ] Kitchen!

SOOKIE

Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?

LUKE

Sookie?

SOOKIE

[forceful]

Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?

LUKE

No.

SOOKIE

You don’t put walnuts in your béchamel.

LUKE

Sookie, I have things burning, so –

SOOKIE

I thought I tasted walnuts. What things are you burning?

LUKE

What do you mean, you tasted walnuts?

SOOKIE

You want to get fancy, you can do that at your own diner. My béchamel sauce is classic.

LUKE

How are you tasting the béchamel?

SOOKIE

And I don’t remember including goat cheese in the fennel salad!

LUKE

How do you know what’s in the fennel salad?

SOOKIE

So you admit it. You put goat cheese in the fennel salad.

LUKE

Yeah, I put goat cheese in the fennel salad. It goes good in the fennel salad and you had it sitting there.

SOOKIE

And I also have some Brill-o pads sitting there. You want to toss a couple of those into the fennel salad as well? Hm?

LUKE

How do you know all this?

SOOKIE

I just assumed.

LUKE

You just assumed I put goat cheese in the fennel salad.

SOOKIE

And walnuts in the béchamel.

LUKE

I did not put walnuts in the béchamel. Sookie, are you having people bring you my food? [Sookie doesn’t respond.] You are! You’re calling here and having people sneak food out from behind my back so that you can taste it.

SOOKIE

Wow. You paranoid or what? Geez, man, time for a vacation.

LUKE

Hold on. [To the whole kitchen] Okay, here’s the deal. Announcement, please. From this moment on there will be no more food leaving the premises. The food goes from here to the dining room, or upstairs, and that is it. No more food will leave the premises. No quiero que ninguna comida salga de esta local. ¿Comprende?

LUKE

[to Sookie]

What about you, you comprende?

SOOKIE

That’s my kitchen, Luke!

LUKE

And it will be here waiting for you when you get back. Until then, sit back, relax, and watch Ellen dance around a little. I got work to do.

SOOKIE

Luke!

LUKE

Bye-bye.

RORY

Hey, Paris.

PARIS

Hey, Rory.

RORY

Oh!

NANNY

Oh, I scare?

RORY

No. Yes! Excuse me.

RORY

There’s a woman in my room?

PARIS

That’s Nanny. You know Nanny. That makes me sad, that you don’t remember Nanny. She always liked you.

RORY

She’s stripping my bed. Why is she doing that?

PARIS

Well, she finally got Doyle to sleep, and she has to do something. The woman doesn’t tire. She’s a machine.

RORY

What do you mean, she finally got Doyle to sleep?

PARIS

He’s here. He’s sick, so Nanny’s taking care of him.

RORY

Why aren’t you doing it?

PARIS

Sick people freak me out.

RORY

You’re pre-med!

PARIS

I’m really tired of having that constantly thrown in my face.

RORY

Paris, could you please just get Nanny out of my room, ‘cause I have dinner with Logan tonight and I have to get ready.

PARIS

Logan? I thought you guys were –

RORY

We were.

PARIS

What happened?

RORY

Well, I told him that I didn’t think things were working and that we should just be friends, but he didn’t want to be just –

PARIS

Friends?

RORY

No. It seemed to wake him up. So now he wants to give commitment a try.

PARIS

A commitment? With Logan?

RORY

Yep.

PARIS

I don’t believe it! You did it, you landed the whale. You’re Annette Bening.

RORY

I’m not Annette Bening. It was just a matter of getting him to focus on the situation.

PARIS

Focus. Huh.

PARIS

She’s going to buff your shoes.

RORY

I need these. [She grabs a pair from the top of the pile and heads back into her room with the dress.]

RORY

[OS]

My God, my room is clean!

RORY

Wow!

LOGAN

Uh, where are my keys? What did I do with my keys?

RORY

Just your parents live here?

LOGAN

Ah, got ‘em. [He pulls the keys from the ignition.]

RORY

Well, I certainly hope the drainage is good.

LOGAN

Excuse me?

RORY

Because if it’s not good and you have pooling somewhere, you may not know it for months.

LOGAN

I’ll be sure to mention that to them.

RORY

You look nervous.

LOGAN

Do I? Huh. I’m just not so sure what I got you into.

RORY

What do you mean?

LOGAN

Well, my family’s not going to take my sister’s engagement too well. They can be a little vicious when annoyed.

RORY

Hey. Relax. You do not have to worry about me at all. Five years of Friday night dinners have prepared me for exactly this moment.

LOGAN

Really?

RORY

Remind me to tell you about the time my mom climbed out a second story window to get away from my grandmother.

LOGAN

Ah, I will.

LOGAN

Okay, ready?

RORY

Ready.

HONOR

You are late!

LOGAN

Fifteen minutes.

HONOR

Well, it’s awful! A morgue! It’s like they already know what I’m going to tell them.

LOGAN

Well, you have been with Josh for three years now.

HONOR

I don’t understand it. I called and told them that you were coming because that usually makes Mom happy. And I told her that you were bringing Rory so they’d be on their company behavior, but from the minute Josh and I walked in that door it’s been iceberg city! Josh has completely panicked. Shaking.

LOGAN

Wow. Sorry.

HONOR

Don’t be sorry. Just get in here and stop it.

RORY

Hm. Remind me to tell you about the time my mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone penis on it and my grandma had her car towed.

RORY

Look at the ceiling!

LOGAN

Come on.

RORY

Have you seen this ceiling?

HONOR

Hurry!

SHIRA

Well, look what the cat dragged in.

LOGAN

Sorry we’re late, everyone.

SHIRA

It’s all right, Logan, we’re still waiting for your father. [Logan kisses her.]

LOGAN

Hey Grandpa, nice to see you. [They shake hands.]

ELIAS

Did you get those books I sent you?

LOGAN

I did, thank you. Hey, Josh, it’s been a while, you’re looking well.

JOSH

You too.

LOGAN

Everyone, I’d like you to meet Rory Gilmore.

RORY

Hi. It’s really nice to meet you all. This house is amazing. Seriously, there should be a docent at the door.

SHIRA

Well, thank you, Rory.

LOGAN

You know Rory’s grandparents, Mom. Richard and Emily.

SHIRA

Yes, of course. How are Richard and Emily doing?

RORY

They’re doing very well.

SHIRA

Oh, that’s wonderful.

RORY

So, um, you were at the wedding, right?

SHIRA

Oh. Why, yes. We were. Oh, it was lovely. Emily certainly knows how to plan an event.

RORY

That she does.

SHIRA

I should send her a note.

RORY

[nodding]

Hm.

LOGAN

[getting up]

Hey, Grandpa, can I freshen your drink for you?

SHIRA

Oh, I’m sorry. Can we get you something, Rory?

LOGAN

I got it, Mom.

RORY

Oh, Logan, I don’t think I should –

LOGAN

It’s club soda, Ace.

RORY

Oh, good.

SHIRA

Apparently Mitchum is still at the office. We might as well start dinner. [She stands.] So. [She gestures for everyone to follow her.]

HONOR

[to Josh]

Come on. You’ll feel better when you’ve had some food.

JOSH

I’ll feel better when we’re leaving.

HONOR

[to Rory]

So sorry. We owe you one.

RORY

No. [They head for the dining room. Rory points at a painting.] Is that a Velazquez?

LOGAN

Come on.

RORY

It is! That’s a Velazquez! This house is so cool!

LORELAI

So, I am holding in my hand one of our comment cards on which a particular person has written, and I quote, “best meal I’ve ever had. The duck was exceptional, the lamb chops were amazing. Ask the chef if he’ll marry me.” What do you think?

LUKE

I don’t know, what does she look like?

LORELAI

I didn’t say it was a she.

LUKE

I’ll stick with what I have.

LORELAI

Aw, sweet. I didn’t know you were making lamb chops.

LUKE

Last minute addition. You know, your cooking crew here is great!

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

Yeah, Mark the salad guy? Top-notch. Javier is one hell of a grill man, and Manny, your sous-chef? I’d kick Caesar out on his ass if I could steal Manny.

LORELAI

Oh, you covet my kitchen staff. Feeling superior and I like it!

LUKE

Okay, guys, we need two sea basses, one chicken, one pepper steak without the pepper, go figure – where’s Pedro going?

LUKE

I knew it! Are you insane?

SOOKIE

Well, you wouldn’t take my calls!

LUKE

How long have you been up here?

SOOKIE

Since you made me promise that no food would leave the premises. Well, here I am, keeping my promises. Pedro, give me the ladle.

LUKE

Pedro, do not give her that ladle.

SOOKIE

Give me the ladle, Pedro.

LUKE

Vente uno con migo, Pedro!

SOOKIE

Hueso su jefe, Pedro!

LUKE

You’re scaring Pedro.

SOOKIE

You’re scaring Pedro.

LUKE

All day long things are disappearing. Salads are suddenly gone. Lamb chops don’t make it to the table.

SOOKIE

I had to make sure you were doing it right.

LUKE

You’re supposed to be home!

SOOKIE

No! I’m supposed to be in bed! And I’m in bed! And you said that you would double-strain the duck sauce and you, my friend, are not double straining!

LUKE

There will be no more of this. No more calls. No more questions. No more ladles that leave that kitchen. I don’t care what bed you’re in. That is between you and your husband and God, I hope a qualified therapist. But you will not interfere with me anymore. Period.

SOOKIE

[to Pedro]

Give me that.

LOGAN

So, Grandpa, how’s the new boat?

ELIAS

It’s a boat. It floats.

LOGAN

I hear it’s beautiful. When are you going to let me take her out?

SHIRA

Now, Logan, you don’t have the best track record when it comes to boats.

LOGAN

Only other people’s boats. Our boats are very safe.

HONOR

We should do a summer trip. Maybe hit the Amalfi Coast again? All of us. Rory, Josh, you, me.

SHIRA

Dad!

ELIAS

Maria!

MARIA

Yes, sir?

ELIAS

It’s too hot. Bring me a salad.

SHIRA

I’ll be right back. [She gets up.]

RORY

[to Logan]

What?

LOGAN

Mom’s a stress smoker.

RORY

Oh. I don’t understand why everyone’s so upset. Josh seems fine.

LOGAN

The Huntzbergers aren’t interested in fine.

ELIAS

Shira!

SHIRA

[OS]

Yes, Dad?

ELIAS

What time did Mitchum say he’d be here?

SHIRA

I don’t know. He didn’t say.

ELIAS

Well, this is ridiculous!

SHIRA

Please, Dad.

ELIAS

We’re all just going to sit around this table and pretend there’s nothing going on?

SHIRA

Let’s just wait for Mitchum!

ELIAS

There are serious matters to be discussed here. This is an important family. Marrying into it is important business. But no, we can’t discuss this until Mitchum gets here! [Maria brings him his salad.] What is this? Go away!

LOGAN

Okay, I’m sorry. I have to jump in here. Grandpa, we all respect you and Mom and Dad, but the bottom line here is, Honor has to be happy. Now, if she loves Josh, then –

HONOR

Logan, I appreciate you defending me but I can take it from here. Mom, Grandpa, I had hoped that you would be happy for me, but obviously that’s not going to happen. You didn’t even let me announce it to you before you formed your opinion, and I’m sorry you feel the way you do, but Josh and I made it official last week. We are engaged now and no matter what you say, we are going to get married. In June.

SHIRA

Well, of course you’re going to get married! You’ve been dating for three years, and I already put a hold on the Japanese Tea Garden for next spring.

HONOR

Oh. Well, that sounds great, thank you!

LOGAN

So we should celebrate then!

ELIAS

We’ll celebrate when we have finished our discussion!

HONOR

Which discussion?

ELIAS

The discussion about unsuitable people marrying into this family.

HONOR

What?

SHIRA

[panicked]

I’ll be right back! [She rushes out.]

ELIAS

You should know better than this, Logan! I know you like to joke around, and tease us, but I always thought at the end of the day, you understood what your responsibilities to this family were!

LOGAN

Mom, I suggest you come back in here, right now!

SHIRA

[hovering near the doorway]

Logan, you just haven’t thought about this. I mean, I’m sure Rory understands. She wants to work. Isn’t that right, Rory? Emily’s always talking about you wanting to be a reporter and travel around doing this and that. A girl like Rory has no idea what it takes to be in this family, Logan.

LOGAN

Oh my God.

SHIRA

She wasn’t raised that way. She wasn’t bred for it. And this isn’t at all about her mother, it’s just, you come from two totally different worlds.

ELIAS

It would never work. Not for you, and certainly not for us.

LOGAN

Okay, this conversation is going to end right now. I am not going to sit here –

ELIAS

You are going to be taking over this company! That’s what you are going to be doing! And when you do, you are going to need the right kind of person at your side. This isn’t college, Logan!

SHIRA

And whatever happened to that Fallon girl? I loved her. Do you talk anymore?

LOGAN

No, we don’t talk! We never talked, you talked.

SHIRA

Oh, what a shame. I just loved her.

LOGAN

[gets up]

Okay. Let’s go.

SHIRA

[calling after them as they leave]

Logan. You have to understand. You bring this girl home without any warning at all, and Honor tells us you’re calling her your girlfriend! We have to take that seriously. Logan, come back here!

RORY

I don’t understand!

LOGAN

They’re psychotic. What more is there to understand?

RORY

But why don’t they think I’m good enough?

LOGAN

Rory.

RORY

I mean, I’m a Gilmore! Do they know that? My ancestors came over on the Mayflower!

LOGAN

Don’t try to analyze it, there’s no rhyme or reason!

RORY

I had a coming out party! I went to Chilton, and Yale, and why are they okay with Josh? I mean, he doesn’t even say anything! At least I noticed the Velazquez!

LOGAN

Josh isn’t marrying the heir to the Huntzberger fortune, you are. [The door opens.] I’ve got to get out of here.

MITCHUM

Logan! Perfect. Did they start dinner? Is it some sort of precious fish dish? ‘Cause I’m dying for a steak. You’re Rory, I assume. Heard a lot about you. [They shake hands.]

LOGAN

We’re leaving.

MITCHUM

What? Why?

LOGAN

You know why.

MITCHUM

Had a long day, Logan. Don’t want to play games. Is dinner over?

LOGAN

No. The Huntzberger family Shanghai is over. Dinner, however is still going on.

MITCHUM

Oh, okay. Okay. What happened? [He walks toward the dining room.] Oh, no. Why is your mother smoking?

LOGAN

We have to go. I’m sure they’ll fill you in on everything.

RORY

It was nice to meet you.

DOYLE

Paris, come on in, we’re just chatting.

PARIS

I see that.

DOYLE

I got to tell you, Paris, you were right. This stuff is magic. Esa e majica. [Nanny laughs.] She just taught me that.

DOYLE

Uh-huh.

DOYLE

She’s great!

PARIS

Yeah, she is. So, you seem better!

DOYLE

I am so much better. Nanny’s got me salving every four hours, I’ve steamed, I’ve had soup. All I need now is one more good Nyquil knockout sleep, and I’ll be as good as new. [He points to the Nyquil.] Hey, could you?

PARIS

[grabs it]

Oh, sure.

DOYLE

I’ve got to tell you, Paris. You’re a lifesaver. Really. [Paris stares at the Nyquil in her hand.] Paris? [She looks up.] Paris, the Nyquil!

PARIS

Doyle, it’s time we have a talk about our relationship.

DOYLE

But –

PARIS

Doyle, focus!

JACKSON

Hey. You in the hat.

LUKE

Jackson, what are you –

JACKSON

How dare you take a ladle from a pregnant woman!

LUKE

What?

JACKSON

Dr. Menck very specifically said that she needs to relax and she cannot relax thinking you’re in here screwing up her sauce!

LUKE

I’m not!

JACKSON

Now, while there’s a very good chance that you could kill me in a fight, I do not care. That woman is my wife, and she is carrying my baby. So from now on, if she wants to talk, you will talk! If she wants to taste your food, you will let her taste your food! If she wants you to double-strain that sauce, you will double-strain that sauce, my friend! Because I have to live with her and if she is upset because of anything that you have done, I will come over here and I will soundly kick your ass! That is if you haven’t killed me yet! [He marches out of the kitchen.]

LUKE

Hey!

LUKE

Hey. That’s it. I’ve had it.

LORELAI

You’ve had what?

LUKE

She’s a crazy woman, and now she’s upstairs and ladles are mysteriously flying out of the kitchen.

LORELAI

Who’s upstairs?

LUKE

Sookie’s upstairs!

LORELAI

No, Sookie’s at home.

LUKE

No, Sookie’s supposed to be at home. And then I didn’t strain the sauce twice, so she came here to drive me crazy and she brought her loony husband with her!

LORELAI

Jackson’s here? How am I missing all of this?

LUKE

I don’t know, and I don’t care! I’m through! I’m not taking this anymore!

LORELAI

What do you mean, you’re not taking it anymore? What are you going to do?

LUKE

You want to know what I’m going to do? Nothing! Because I am in a relationship with you and you know very well I can’t leave. All I can do is come out here and say I’m through and pretend I have a leg to stand on and then march back into that kitchen and keep doing the job, but, oh, boy. I’m going to be thinking about what I would have done if we weren’t in a relationship, even though that would mean I wouldn’t be in this position in the first place. [He nods.] Excuse me.

LORELAI

Ah, if this is the eccentric couple version of the Amazing Race, I think you guys are winning.

JACKSON

Are we talking to her? I don’t think we’re talking to her.

SOOKIE

Hey, it’s Lorelai!

JACKSON

Girlfriend of Luke, and we’re not talking to Luke.

SOOKIE

Well, I’m talking to Lorelai. How you doing?

LORELAI

Sookie, this is not bed rest.

SOOKIE

My feet are up.

JACKSON

I told you not to talk to her.

LORELAI

What is with the ‘tude, cranky pants?

SOOKIE

He’s very mad at Luke.

LORELAI

Well, I’m not Luke!

JACKSON

By extension, you are Luke.

LORELAI

Sookie, what were you doing at the Inn?

SOOKIE

Checking in on the restaurant. That’s my job.

LORELAI

Not anymore. Your job is bed rest.

SOOKIE

Ooh, honey, easy on the bumps. Baby doesn’t like the bumps.

LORELAI

Jackson, stop.

JACKSON

She and that boyfriend of hers. Bossiest couple in town.

LORELAI

Stop! At least let me ride!

SOOKIE

Oh!

LORELAI

Okay. Go. [They go.] Sookie, you knew the day was coming when you wouldn’t be able to come in!

SOOKIE

I had three weeks.

LORELAI

You never had any applications, did you?

SOOKIE

I meant to. No one was good enough.

LORELAI

Well, no one’s as good as you, but plenty of people are good enough! We just need one of them, just till you’re back on your feet.

SOOKIE

I know!

LORELAI

You know, Luke’s not as good as you either. That kind of cooking’s a little fancy for him, but he tried.

SOOKIE

Yeah, he’s not bad. He’s pretty good, in fact. What does he put in these? [She pulls out a plate covered in foil.]

LORELAI

What is that?

SOOKIE

His lamb chops. They’re amazing, I’m taking them home to study.

LORELAI

Well, you could have just asked him.

SOOKIE

Hm, he’s mad at me.

JACKSON

We’re mad at him!

LORELAI

We’re all going to stop being mad at each other. Now, pull over.

JACKSON

Why?

LORELAI

Because, uh, you live here.

JACKSON

Oh, yeah. [He stops the cart.]

LORELAI

You know, Luke said that Manny was doing pretty well.

SOOKIE

I know, I trained him. You know, when I first met him he didn’t know a cafette from a chiffonade.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, he’s from New Jersey.

SOOKIE

And he picked it up quick.

LORELAI

Maybe he can take over while you’re out. Keep it in the family. He knows all your secrets.

SOOKIE

Okay. We’ll go with Manny. He’s a good guy.

LORELAI

I think that’s a good idea.

SOOKIE

Thank Luke for me.

LORELAI

I will.

SOOKIE

And find out what’s in these lamb chops, because they’re driving me crazy!

LORELAI

I promise. Jackson, get her inside. Don’t let her move.

SOOKIE

Hey, how are you going to get back?

LORELAI

Oh, I thought I’d take the cart you guys stole.

SOOKIE

Perfect!

JACKSON

This all turned out pretty good.

LOGAN

So. Okay if I just drop you here?

RORY

Drop me here?

LOGAN

Yeah, lights are on. Paris is home. I’ve had about all the crazy I can for one evening.

RORY

Okay. Sure. You know we don’t have to go in, we can go get something to eat.

LOGAN

I’m not hungry.

RORY

Okay.

LOGAN

I just want to walk a little, clear my head.

RORY

Okay.

LOGAN

I’ll call you later.

RORY

Tomorrow?

LOGAN

[walking away]

Uh, yeah. Tomorrow.

LORELAI

Does it seem like Frodo is on every fricking channel to you, or is it just me?

LUKE

God, I have never been this tired.

LORELAI

Aw. You were one hell of a white knight today, baby.

LUKE

Yes, I’m a regular Lancelot.

LORELAI

You’re starting to snooze.

LUKE

Uh-huh.

LORELAI

[softly]

Do you want to go upstairs, or are you okay right here?

LUKE

Uh-huh.

LORELAI

[whispers]

Luke.

LORELAI

[whispers]

What did you put in the lamb chops?

LUKE

Forget it.

LORELAI

Come on!

LUKE

Saved by the bell.

LORELAI

I’ll be right back. [She answers the phone.] Hello?

RORY

You busy?

LORELAI

What’s wrong?

RORY

Dinner was awful.

LORELAI

[whispers]

Hold on. [She gets up and goes into the kitchen, careful not to disturb Luke.] Okay, hit it.

RORY

Well, to make a long story short, Logan’s family hates me.

LORELAI

That’s impossible. It’s like hating Thumper. No one hates Thumper.

RORY

They think I’m trash. They think I’m not good enough to marry into their family.

LORELAI

What are they talking about? Don’t they know you’re a Gilmore?

RORY

I don’t think they care.

LORELAI

Ah, pfft. And who said anything about marrying into their family?

RORY

Apparently, Logan bringing me over for dinner said that I was going to marry into their family.

LORELAI

Uh, that’s crazy.

RORY

I know! But then they got all panicked and they started saying all these things –

LORELAI

To your face?

RORY

Right there at the dinner table!

LORELAI

What?

RORY

They went on and on about how I’m going to be a career woman and Logan, you don’t want that, she won’t understand our lifestyle or the demands, or, or the family responsibilities!

LORELAI

What family responsibilities? Who are they, the Gambino’s?

RORY

Then his mother starts in on that lovely Fallon girl, and doesn’t Logan see her anymore? Because she would make a perfect choice!

LORELAI

And what did you say?

RORY

Nothing. I just sat there. I just sat there and let them say that I wasn’t good enough, and that Logan was making a mistake, and just wait till his father came home!

LORELAI

I hate these people!

RORY

It was awful.

LORELAI

Well, Logan didn’t just sit there and let them attack you all night, did he?

RORY

No. He got really mad and he told them they were all crazy and then we left.

LORELAI

Well, good for him.

RORY

But we didn’t say a word to each other all the way home. And then walking back to my dorm, he just looked so freaked. I could tell that he was just, I don’t know, rethinking everything. The whole relationship. I’m just afraid he’s going to bolt. Mom?

LORELAI

Can I say something? Something you may not want to hear?

RORY

Yes.

LORELAI

If he is going to bolt, maybe you should let him bolt. He told you, Rory, he told you he was not a commitment kind of guy, just like you’re not a non-commitment kind of girl. And you tried to be something you weren’t and it was bad. It didn’t work for you. Don’t try and force him to be something he’s not.

RORY

I didn’t force him!

LORELAI

I know, but he was looking at losing you, and he didn’t want to and I give him credit for that, but maybe in the end this is not the guy or the relationship for you.

RORY

I don’t care what his family thinks.

LORELAI

This has nothing to do with his family.

RORY

We’re good together, Mom. I’m good for him.

LORELAI

But maybe he isn’t good for you.

RORY

People can change!

LORELAI

Do you really want to be in the business of changing someone?

RORY

Maybe he wants to change!

LORELAI

Rory, two days ago you were on the bathroom floor crying about why he won’t call you. Why doesn’t he like you, what did you do?

RORY

I was drunk. I was sick!

LORELAI

You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter, were lying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering what you had done wrong! Which is disturbing to me on several levels, including the fact that I can’t remember the last time I cleaned the floor of the bathroom! Is that really the kind of relationship you want to be in?

RORY

Hold on.

RORY

Hey. Everything okay?

LOGAN

I’m sorry.

RORY

For what?

LOGAN

For just taking off like that. I just, this was a very intense evening for me.

RORY

I’m sure.

LOGAN

But taking off like that, I was overreacting, that’s just stupid. So, forgive me?

RORY

There’s nothing to forgive.

LOGAN

Come on, grab your coat. I’ll take you to get something to eat.

RORY

Okay. I’ll be right back.

RORY

[on the phone]

Did you hear that?

LORELAI

Yeah. I sure did.

RORY

Everything’s fine. I just got upset about nothing.

LORELAI

Okay, but –

RORY

Thanks for the talk, Mom, and I heard you, but I have to go.

LORELAI

Okay. Call me tomorrow.

RORY

I will.

PARIS

He got dumped two years ago. Apparently, it was a vicious Julia Roberts to Kiefer Sutherland kind of dump. She broke his heart, slept with his best friend, and took the dog. He swore off women completely until he met me.

RORY

Wow. That was a lot of ground you guys covered last night.

PARIS

He finally admitted, once his cough started coming back, that what we have he no longer views as casual. He said we are officially in a committed –

RORY

Hey, I know that word!

PARIS

- Relationship, and I would not be remotely out of line if I called myself his girlfriend. And then I handed him the Nyquil, and then he passed out.

RORY

Very romantic.

PARIS

I know.

RORY

I’m happy for you.

PARIS

I’m happy for me too. Mr. Huntzberger! [She stands suddenly.]

MITCHUM

Hello, there. Hello, Rory.

RORY

Hi.

PARIS

Paris Gellar. We met a couple of months ago. [She shakes his hand.]

MITCHUM

I remember the handshake. Reminded me of Jimmy Breslin’s.

PARIS

High compliment.

MITCHUM

Would you excuse us?

PARIS

Oh, sure. [She leaves.]

RORY

Are you looking for Logan?

MITCHUM

No, I know better than to look for my son in the newsroom. I came to talk to you.

RORY

About what?

MITCHUM

I’m very sorry about what happened the other night.

RORY

It’s okay.

MITCHUM

My family behaved atrociously, and, though Logan was a little naïve to walk into the lion’s den without a chair like that, they were wrong and you deserve an apology.

RORY

Okay. Thank you.

MITCHUM

So, I hear you have some rather lofty journalistic aspirations.

RORY

[nods]

I have plans.

MITCHUM

You know, my company just acquired a small newspaper. The Stamford Eagle Gazette. Decent circulation, pretty sorry writing, but definite potential. When we buy a new paper, I like to spend some time there. Take a couple of months, help turn it around, make sure we’re getting our money’s worth. Stamford isn’t a bad train ride from here, is it?

RORY

Um, no.

MITCHUM

I have an internship available, if you’re interested.

RORY

An internship?

MITCHUM

Be a good chance for you to get your feet wet. Experience how the real thing works.

RORY

No. Thank you.

MITCHUM

[confused]

No, thank you?

RORY

I appreciate the offer. But no.

MITCHUM

[stands up as if to leave, then turns back to Rory]

May I be so bold as to inquire, why the hell not?

RORY

Because I have a feeling that the only reason you’re doing this is because you feel guilty about what happened the other night at dinner, and it’s very nice, but very unnecessary.

MITCHUM

So what?

RORY

Excuse me?

MITCHUM

Say the only reason I offered this to you is because my family behaved badly and I wanted to make up for it. Say I have no interest in furthering your career. This is still an opportunity. Who cares why you got the opportunity? It’s here, and life is about making the most of everything you’re handed. Well, this is being handed to you. Now, what are you going to do about it?

MITCHUM

Monday. Ten o’clock. Call my office for the details. [He begins walking away.] And bring a pencil! You never know when you’re going to need a pencil!