T5E2: “A Messenger, Nothing More”

LORELAI

Morning, Al. Morning, Fred. Morning, Sam.

MAN

Cider Mill's opening Saturday. Big parade and free cider for one and all.

LORELAI

Thank you. [Never slowing her pace, she takes the offered paper and quickly hands it out to the next person she passes.] Cider mill's opening Saturday. Big parade and free cider for one and all.

WOMAN

Thank you.

PATTY

Keep it going, kids. You're red, you're delicious. You're about to have the juice sucked out of you. [She smiles as Lorelai passes] There she is -- our spunky entrepreneur.

LORELAI

I am the uber-Trump-Murdoch-Maximus. [She glances back] Oop. Apple down.

PATTY

Apple down. [pauses before reacting] Apple down! Hold it, everybody! Apple down! Okay, roll her over. [calls after the rapidly disappearing Lorelai] Have a nice day.

MAN

[OS, continues to call out] Big parade, free cider for one and all.

LANE

...and two eggs over easy, got it. Just be a couple minutes. [tears order from her pad and places it on the kitchen ledge] Caesar, order.

BRIAN

Since they were both actually royalty, their child would have a real claim to the Judean throne, see? So Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul to have the kid. She's also supposed to run the church after his death, but that's not what Peter wants, right? But all that got covered up later by Constantine after the council of Nicea purged the Christian --

ZACH

Oh, my god! Will you stop talking about this!

BRIAN

This is, like, the number-one book in the country.

ZACH

Well, it's my number-one bummer.

LANE

Okay, guys, what'll you have?

ZACH

Burger for me -- nothing healthy on it, extra cheese -- and, of course, an order of...wink-winkers.

LANE

[slightly annoyed] You don't have to call them that, Zach.

ZACH

Just want to make myself clear.

LANE

Look, I told you guys I'd throw you free fries -- not a big deal since they're usually the ones we wind up throwing out anyway from making too many, which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.

ZACH

I will abide by that.

LANE

Brian?

BRIAN

Same thing -- burger and fries. [wiggles eyebrows knowingly]

ZACH

Dude, that's cute-cutesy.

BRIAN

She said not to be verbally cute-cutesy.

ZACH

It was a blanket moratorium on anything cutesy concerning the fries.

LANE

I'll be back. [walks away]

ZACH

Cokes, too.

BRIAN

Better get my money ready. [pulls hands full of loose change onto the table]

ZACH

That's not embarrassing.

LORELAI

Hi, Lane.

LANE

Lorelai, hi. Would you like your usual to go?

LORELAI

Yes, and quick-quick, please.

LANE

[picks up coffee pot] You know, people are calling you "the blur."

LORELAI

That's mean. Or is it? What is that?

LANE

[pours coffee into a To-Go cup] You're not around, and you're always running -- swoosh, blur.

LORELAI

Well, that's business, baby. If you slow down, they might catch up with you. [glances around] Still no Luke, huh?

LANE

Liz and T.J. are still not back up on their feet. Luke's calling the Renaissance Faire his "Vietnam without all the fun shooting." [hands Lorelai her cup]

LORELAI

Oh, poor guy.

LANE

I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach. [continues working]

LORELAI

Bless you. [glances at a chain of colorful postcards on the nearby bulletin board]

LANE

[appears] All from Rory.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm sorry. Just being nosey.

LANE

No, go ahead, read. I'm sure it's stuff she already told you.

LORELAI

[adds cream to her coffee] Yeah, probably.

LANE

[hands Lorelai a small sack] You are ready to swoosh.

LORELAI

The blur is off. [gathers items and begins to leave]

LANE

And don't overtip.

LORELAI

Try and stop me. [sneaks some dollar bills on the counter as she quickly passes]

LORELAI

Hey, guys.

ZACH

Hey, Lorelai. Get yourself a wink-winker?

LORELAI

What?

LANE

Please erase this from your brain. [sets plate of fries on Zach and Brian's table as she passes]

LORELAI

I will definitely try.

LIZ

I'm telling you, I was going crazy. I was in pain for six weeks. It was fractured in three places. That's why it took so long to heal. But thank God for my big brother. [ Women giggling as Luke passes]

HENRY

Morning, Lucas. [approaches carrying large box]

LUKE

Hey, Henry. How's your beard?

HENRY

[ Laughs ] You always ask that, and I always laugh.

LUKE

Well, it's our thing.

HENRY

Hey, come here. Got some dish. [motions Luke to come closer] You know Hay Bale Bill, the guy that totes the hay bales?

LUKE

I seen him around.

HENRY

Got caught in a tent last night with Annie from the grog booth.

LUKE

Hm. Isn't she engaged to the fruit-ice guy?

HENRY

Yeah, and the fruit-ice guy comes back, and there's Annie and Hay Bale, so he tears the tent to pieces.

LUKE

Hm.

HENRY

Now the grog people have to hide her. They set up a fort made out of kegs.

LUKE

[intrigued] Crazy stuff.

HENRY

I'll keep you posted. [exits]

LUKE

All right. See you later.

T.J.

Luuuuuuuke?

LUKE

What, T.J.?

T.J.

You're putting the pewter next to the turquoise?

LUKE

Looks like it.

T.J.

We don't usually put the pewter next to the turquoise.

LUKE

Well, I'm a maverick.

T.J.

Mm-hmm. [ Slurps from his tankard] Ahh. Might be why the pewter ain't moving.

LUKE

Pewter's moving just fine, T.J.

WOMAN

Excuse me?

LUKE

Oh, hi, there. Can I help you?

WOMAN

Yeah. I'm looking for the Shakespeare stage.

LUKE

Okay, uh, you walk past the Calumba booth, veer right at the drinking horns, then left at the antler ark.

WOMAN

Thank you. [thankful look then leaves]

LUKE

Mm-hmm.

T.J.

Luuuuuke?

LUKE

[strained patience] What, T.J.?

T.J.

You didn't use the approved Faire language with that customer.

LUKE

Maverick -- me. Don't forget that.

T.J.

There's undercover Faire officials walking around. They look for that kind of stuff

LUKE

Well, they should get real jobs.

T.J.

Would it kill you to shoot her a "Good-morrow"?

LUKE

Look, T.J. -- [approaches T.J.'s chaise and hears baseball announcer sounds coming from beneath T.J. lap blanket. He snatches away the cover to reveal a very small television set] I don't believe it.

T.J.

[feigns innocence] I know. The Yanks went with Mussina. They should have gone with Brown.

LUKE

You're watching T.V.!

T.J.

I'm not ready for my nap.

LUKE

You're milking it.

T.J.

I'm convalescing.

LUKE

And you're milking me. But no more. Find some help, get a crutch, because by week's end, I'm gone.

T.J.

Liz, you hearing this?

LIZ

What? [pulls ear phones out of her ears] I'm sorry. I was listening to my Deepak Chopra.

LUKE

I got things to do. I got a business, hopefully a life.

T.J.

Uh, prithee, you jest, good sir, and leave us short of hand?

LUKE

I ain't jesting.

T.J.

But my arm!

LUKE

Had no trouble reaching into a tub of caramel corn last night while you were scratching yourself with the other. Your dexterity's fine.

LIZ

[resigned] T.J., It's time for him to go.

T.J.

[attempting to instill guilt] So, you're gonna break up the team?

LUKE

I'm no good to you. I'm not moving the pewter. [walks off... then returns and grabs the little television] Don't want you to get in trouble with the undercover squad.

CONCIERGE LUCIANO

Hallo, and here we are -- room 518. A beautiful room -- very special for you, Mrs. Gilmore.

RORY

It's nice.

EMILY

It's hot.

LUCIANO

[quickly reacts to assist] I will adjust the air for you. No problem on my end. [watches Emily walk to the balcony opening to observe the view] It's a spectacular view. Very nice. A little balcony there.

EMILY

[frowns] It's different.

LUCIANO

Something is different?

EMILY

The view -- it's different.

RORY

[Rory and Luciano join Emily at the balcony wall] Wow. It's pretty spectacular.

EMILY

It's not the same.

LUCIANO

It's the same room you had two years ago, Signora -- 518.

EMILY

The ruins -- they used to be closer. Something move?

LUCIANO

I don't think so.

EMILY

That pillar is in a different place.

RORY

I think the ruins are probably where they've been for the past 2,000 years, Grandma.

LUCIANO

We can get you another room, signora. No problem.

EMILY

No, no, it's fine. [returns to the main room, pauses then frowns] Smokers.

LUCIANO

I despise smokers.

EMILY

Rory, I told you before, you do not move luggage.

LUCIANO

Yes, yes, please. We will do that.

RORY

Sorry.

EMILY

Your high tea is still at the same time?

LUCIANO

Si, signora.

EMILY

We'll need to book some private tours -- the Vatican, the Villa Medici. And private -- just the two of us. The concierge in Florence stuck us with a Belgian couple at the Uffizi who didn't know a fresco from a ferret hole. And the ruins, of course. Make sure the guide's not too dry. [absently gazes out the patio window] So different. [quickly follows a luggage-laden bell hop another room] The hanging bags should be hung, not laid on the bed.

RORY

Excuse me. How far away are we from the catacombs?

LUCIANO

Close, but your grandmother would not like the catacombs. Bones disturb her.

RORY

It's for me. My grandmother usually takes a nap this time of day, so I go off and do my own thing.

LUCIANO

[wistful look] Ah, yes, a nap.

EMILY

We need two more pillows.

LUCIANO

I will see to it. Anything else I can do?

EMILY

That should do it. Thank you, Luciano.

RORY

Yeah, thank you very much.

LUCIANO

Grazie mille. Buona notte. Good evening. Thank you. [exits]

EMILY

Let's sit down and pick our restaurants. That's three nights -- that's three lunches and three dinners. We'll take our usual passeggiata around the piazza navana, but let's pick the restaurants. [enthusiastically riffles through the brochures]

RORY

Do you want to pick them before your nap or after?

EMILY

I'm skipping my nap today.

RORY

Oh, really? [Disappointed, she joins her grandmother on the sofa.]

EMILY

Absolutely. I'm not the least bit tired. [covertly watches Rory's reaction]

RORY

Oh, good.

EMILY

Couldn't hide it any better than that, huh?

RORY

Hide what?

EMILY

I don't take my nap, you don't get to go out on your own.

RORY

Oh...[ Scoffs ] Grandma, I wasn't thinking that.

EMILY

Well, I was kidding. I'm exhausted. I'm not sure I'll even make it to the bedroom. I may just drop down here on the carpet.

RORY

Thank you, Grandma. It's all cultural stuff, I promise. Just kind of faster and funkier.

EMILY

Well, go enjoy your funk.

RORY

Thank you. [kisses Emily's cheek]

EMILY

Mm-hmm. [Rory walks over to the luggage cart] Say, when was the last time we called your mother?

RORY

Not sure. [shifts the shoulder strap of a leather tourist bag over her shoulder]

EMILY

Have we called her this week?

RORY

I think you did.

EMILY

We'll call when you come back.

RORY

Okay. Bye. [exits]

EMILY

Bye-bye. [calls after her and continues to read brochures]

MALE GUEST

'Morning.

LORELAI

'Morning. [crosses over to reception desk]

ROB

Morning.

LORELAI

Oh hey Rob, I want to keep these brochures nice and neat in the rack here, none of them askew. Otherwise, it gives the place that "we'll leave the light on for you" feel that we're desperately trying to avoid.

ROB

Yeah, I checked it. [watches her shuffle the papers inside the display box]

LORELAI

That is, if we ultimately decide that we don't mind having brochures here in the lobby. The jury's still out on that. [very brief pause] You know what? Jury's back. Brochures are out. [picks of the wooden box] I'll just take this in the office and... [spies a figure crouching behind the reception desk] Michel...

MICHEL

Good morning.

LORELAI

Um, what are you doing? [impatient]

MICHEL

Hiding.

LORELAI

From me?

MICHEL

No.

LORELAI

From?

MICHEL

Suffice to say, my hiding is not costing the inn any income. In fact, I'm overdue for my 10. So consider this my 10, and you are now conducting business with an employee who is officially on his 10, which is in direct violation of union rules.

LORELAI

You're not in a union.

MICHEL

I'm in a union of oppressed Frenchmen.

LORELAI

Oh, the U.O.F. -- Got it. All right. Carry on.

LORELAI

Oh, hey, there is a spot on the floor over here that the vacuum never quite reaches. Let's make sure it does. Thank you. [briskly continues walking though the inn. A family of four approaches Lorelai.] Hi. It's the Krumholtzes. How are you doing today?

MR. KRUMHOLTZ

Great. Are you always here?

LORELAI

I give that illusion. So, what's on the agenda today?

MRS. KRUMHOLTZ

Mike and I would love to hit some antique stores.

LORELAI

We can guide you to the best of them.

MR. KRUMHOLTZ

But the kids would love to stay here. You got games and books, and they'd be bored stiff with us.

LORELAI

They can absolutely stay here. There's always people around.

MRS. KRUMHOLTZ

Is Michel going to be here?

LORELAI

[sympathetic look] Yes.

MRS. KRUMHOLTZ

Oh, good. He is their favorite.

LORELAI

[disbelief] Michel? Have they met Michel? [to the children] Have you met Michel?

LITTLE GIRL

He's funny!

LITTLE BOY

Yeah!

MR. KRUMHOLTZ

They love him. He chases them around and shouts and pretends to be mad, and they laugh and laugh.

LORELAI

Well, Michel is here, and I'm sure he would be happy to look after you guys while your parents are gone. In fact, he's playing hide-and-seek right now, and if you go over to the reception area, I guarantee you'll be getting warm, warmer, hot.

LITTLE BOY

Goodie! Let's go! Come on!

LITTLE GIRL

[giggles]

LORELAI

Have a good day. [enters dining room and picks up a coffee pot on nearby table.] Morning! Who needs coffee? Oh, I'll get you some coffee right there. [a waiter approaches and takes pot from Lorelai.] Oh, hey, when Sookie gets in, tell her I want to go over the layout for the dinner menu. I want to go another way. I'll be in my office. Thank you. [busily walks off]

LITTLE BOY

[gleefully] He grounded us and told us to go do something to ourselves.

LITTLE GIRL

[grins] He used a dirty word.

MICHEL

And I'm destined to use many more.

LORELAI

No, you're not. Come here. [grabs and drags Michel aside by his lapel]

MICHEL

It is not my job to entertain little people.

LORELAI

Michel, the Krumholtzes are in our most expensive room. We need people like them to be happy so they tell other people like them they we're happy - because we are a new business, and we all have to go above and beyond the call of duty until we are established.

MICHEL

So you watch them.

LORELAI

I hate kids.

MICHEL

This isn't fair.

LORELAI

You're a profit participant. Happy Krumholtzes equal lots of profits, participant. [physically turns him around and approach the children]

MICHEL

[fake charm] Who wants to play some insipid board game with me?

LITTLE GIRL

We want to play an insipid board game!

LITTLE BOY

Yeah! [running off] Let's play Chinese checkers!

LORELAI

Hello?

EMILY

[loudly] Lorelai, it's your mother!

LORELAI

Hi, Mom.

EMILY

[loudly] I'm calling from Rome!

LORELAI

The line is crystal clear. You don't have to yell.

EMILY

Sorry -- I still think transcontinental calls are a bigger deal than they are.

LORELAI

You're coming in fine. So, Rome?

EMILY

Our last stop, and a good thing, too, because I don't know how long I can keep these randy European men off me.

LORELAI

Excuse me? [enters a room scrutinizing everything while maid puts fresh sheets on bed]

EMILY

They're terrible flirts here. Gorgeous, but so forward. Do you want to talk to Rory?

LORELAI

[unenthusiastically] Oh, um, sure. Is she there? [shoos away a maid and takes sheet herself. Maid looks unhappy.]

EMILY

Yes, she is. Hang on. Rory!

RORY

Hello?

LORELAI'S VOICE

[attempts cheer] Hi.

RORY

Hi.

LORELAI

So, Rome? [struggles with sheet while pinning cell phone between shoulder and ear]

RORY

Yep.

LORELAI

Weather good?

RORY

Hot in the day, cooler at night.

LORELAI

Uh-huh, that's kind of what we're having here.

RORY

Huh. Coinky-dink.

LORELAI

Yeah. So...

RORY

So...

LORELAI

Um, I guess I'll be seeing you in a couple of days. [attempts to smooth sheet unsuccessfully]

RORY

Yep.

LORELAI

Great, then. Be safe, and watch out for those Italian men, especially the ones named Randy.

RORY

I will. Bye.

LORELAI

Bye. [angrily yanks off flat sheet] Didn't look like a quarter would bounce off it. [hands sheet to the confused maid and hurries off] Got to have those bouncing quarters.

EMILY

I think the pink purse with the gold clasp is my favorite.

RORY

We probably could have gotten all this stuff at home, Grandma. Now we have to pay duty on them.

EMILY

But if you buy them back in the States, then you can't say, "I picked this up in Rome." [young Italian waiter approaches]

WAITER

Buon giorno. Hello. May I help you, please?

EMILY

Buon giorno. [ Speaking Italian ]

WAITER

Ah, la bellissima signora parlo italiano molto bene.

EMILY

[extremely pleased as she sits] Grazie. He called me "pretty lady." It just never stops.

RORY

[still standing and looking around] You got the gams, Grandma.

EMILY

[ Conversing with the waiter in Italian then - ] Rory? Rory?

RORY

[distracted] Huh?

EMILY

What do you want?

RORY

Oh. A triple espresso. [She sits down with Emily.]

EMILY

[ Speaking Italian ]

WAITER

[ Speaking Italian ] Si, signora.

EMILY

[ Chuckles ] He won't stop.

WAITER

[ Continues speaking Italian ]

EMILY

[ Laughing ]

ZACH

The fact is, we've got five original songs ready to play live. A 40-minute gig means we can fill it out with six or seven covers.

LANE

No problem.

ZACH

Problem. Our covers are tight and people dig 'em. We play "Fell in Love With a Girl" as good as the White Stripes, so how is one of our originals gonna stack up coming after it?

BRIAN

We could play all our originals up top, then close with our covers.

ZACH

That's asymmetrical, and we could lose our audience if we play a bunch of originals in a row.

BRIAN

Our covers are just too good.

ZACH

I say we cut any cover song that overpowers our originals.

BRIAN

So no "Suffragette City."

ZACH

And no White Stripes. "Lithium" is gone, the Radiohead, both Pixies.

BRIAN

No Dandy Warhols. [Lane stares at them both]

ZACH

Or Velvet Underground.

LANE

Wait, guys. You're cutting every good cover song we play.

ZACH

But maybe that's the key. Yeah, yeah -- if we play nothing but crappy covers, our originals will stand out.

BRIAN

Brilliant.

LANE

[incredulous] What?!

ZACH

Anything by Men At Work.

BRIAN

Or Chicago, Wings.

ZACH

Styx.

BRIAN

Culture Club.

ZACH

We throw in a Quarterflash, they'll be eating out of our hands.

LANE

Okay, this is just kooky. Now, I say we reconvene tonight and figure it out then.

BRIAN

I got to get to work, anyway.

LANE

I'll see you at home tonight.

LANE

[to customer at counter] I'll get you some more water?

ZACH

Well, hello.

CHERYL

Hey, there.

TRINA

Hi, Zach.

ZACH

Trina, how you doing? [kisses her cheek] Cheryl, come on. Shoot me some. [Cheryl kisses his cheek, while Lane watches, disgusted] Come this way. You sit there. I want you to sit right here.

LITTLE BOY

It's your turn.

MICHEL

Really? That fact has not changed since you said it 10 seconds ago?

LITTLE GIRL

If you lose, will you do that thing where you pretend to get all mad and you hit the board and send the marbles flying all around?

LITTLE BOY

Yeah!

MICHEL

[surly] I am not going to lose.

LORELAI

[enters] Hi, kids. Michel, do we have any double-A batteries?

MICHEL

How can a man play Chinese Checkers with all these interruptions?

LORELAI

[distractedly spies a distant spot on the carpet] Ugh! Man, they're still not vacuuming that spot.

LITTLE BOY

It's your turn, Michel.

MICHEL

[moves his checker piece] Redundant little rodent.

LORELAI

Michel, the batteries?

MICHEL

In the office -- far-right drawer of the credenza. [the boy triple jumps over Michel's game pieces] Damn!

LORELAI

[quickly interjects to the children] - Is where water is stored to power electrical facilities. Thanks Michel. [glances to next room]

LITTLE BOY

It's your turn again.

MICHEL

Grr.

LORELAI

Why are the dining room tables always, always out of place? [ Sighs ]

SOOKIE

Lorelai? [to patrons] Excuse me. [She hurries over to stop Lorelai's struggling tugs as the glassware almost topples. To Lorelai] Okay, okay. Table's perfect now.

LORELAI

Who keeps moving them out of place? I want a name.

SOOKIE

Uh, cruel, sadistic table fairies? Come into the pantry with me, here.

LORELAI

I can give you a minute. That's it. -- Ooh.

SOOKIE

I've been trying to figure out a way to bring this up -- what's that? [notices the plate in Lorelai's hand]

LORELAI

I cleared a plate.

SOOKIE

You don't clear plates.

LORELAI

The plate was empty, so I grabbed it.

SOOKIE

Give me the plate. You've gone nutty!

LORELAI

What?!

SOOKIE

Now you're mad. I hate making you mad. I have the worst people skills.

LORELAI

I'm not mad or nutty.

SOOKIE

But you are, and you have been for weeks. The nutty don't usually know that they're nutty, thus the nutty.

LORELAI

Sookie, I'm very busy.

SOOKIE

Doing other people's work.

LORELAI

I am not.

SOOKIE

It's your job to change sheets, fluff pillows?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

Brush the horses, fold the points on the toilet paper?

LORELAI

Sookie, we're breaking in new people. I'm picking up the slack.

SOOKIE

I'm new? Michel's new?

LORELAI

I'm not doing your jobs. [picks up nearby napkins and carefully folds each while listening]

SOOKIE

Two weeks ago, I come in, and my refrigerator, which is sorted by a system that I have honed for 10 straight years, is completely rearranged. The beets are on the top. The vegetables are on the bottom. It's "Apocalypse Now," baby! I yelled at the staff, but now I know. It was you. [pulls the folded linens from Lorelai's hands]

LORELAI

It was messy.

SOOKIE

It was my messy. I couldn't find anything in there for days. I kept reaching in for strawberries and coming up with liver -- that's not pleasant.

LORELAI

I promise not to touch the fridge again.

SOOKIE

You're yelling at the employees. You never yelled before.

LORELAI

I'm yelling?

SOOKIE

And you've got to go home once in a while.

LORELAI

Sookie, we're a new business. It's time-consuming.

SOOKIE

How many times have you fallen asleep at your desk in that stupid office of yours?

LORELAI

Once.

SOOKIE

No. Once, you fell asleep on a stapler. The whole next day, you had "Swingline" printed backwards across your face. But you've fallen asleep at that desk a hundred times.

LORELAI

Well, I'm here when I'm here. I can't change that. I'm sorry.

SOOKIE

Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? Your mother's house.

LORELAI

[hurt] Ow! Knife in the gut!

SOOKIE

Well, I'm sorry to deal from the bottom of the deck, but that's reality.

LORELAI

[sad look] Well... I am pretty burned out.

SOOKIE

Me too. We all are. It's been hard.

LORELAI

I will take a break.

SOOKIE

Good.

LORELAI

Not this week, 'cause stuff's been piling up. But... [pause] not next week. God. I don't know.

SOOKIE

Now. [Pulls Lorelai around and pushes from the room to the entry hall]

LORELAI

Uh-oh. Hey, stop! Wait, I'm being kidnapped!

SOOKIE

Go home and relax.

LORELAI

I have no one to hang out with.

SOOKIE

I'll hang out with you sometime this week. I need a break, too. We'll have a girlfriend day. We'll get manicures and jump rope and talk about boys. The whole cliché thing. Now go! [Lorelai pauses] Go and don't stop for nothing.

LORELAI

Okay, okay, I promise.

MICHEL

[OS] Aaaah!

KRUMHOLTZ KIDS

[OS] Do it again! Do it again!

SOOKIE

Hold it. [Lorelai flinches] Hold it! Good girl. Now, get your things and go.

LORELAI

[ Sighs ] Oh, hey. Um, Bob, are you sure you want to - nope. Keep going. [He nods and continues. Her cellular phone rings, she removes it from her purse and answers ] Hello?

RORY

[calling from her Italian hotel room] It's me.

LORELAI

[clipped tone] Oh. Hello.

RORY

Bad time? Are you busy?

LORELAI

Uh, trying not to be. How are you doing?

RORY

Good. You?

LORELAI

Good.

RORY

[After a long pause, she speaks hesitatingly ] I was at the corner of Bark and Cheese today.

LORELAI

[smiling with remembrance, she sits on a porch wicker chair] Bark and Cheese? Really?

RORY

And it's exactly the same.

LORELAI

Exactly the same? Was there a tiny, little Italian dog in a basket barking the whole time you were there?

RORY

Not this time, but I definitely had flashbacks.

LORELAI

Did you have a nice piece of cheese with your coffee?

RORY

I still say I said the correct word for "cream" in Italian. I even pointed at my coffee when I asked for it. How could I be asking for cheese?

LORELAI

But cheese you were brought.

RORY

Stinky cheese. The worst, don't forget.

LORELAI

That you proceeded to eat.

RORY

Because I hate people who make mistakes when they order, especially in a foreign country, and then make a big to-do when they get the wrong thing. Ugly Americans. Yuck.

LORELAI

Aha! You admit it was a mistake. You did say "cheese."

RORY

I know French, a bit of Spanish, but my Italian -- not so good.

LORELAI

Being trilingual is plenty for a young lady.

RORY

Yeah. [ Sighs sadly ] Mom?

LORELAI

Yeah?

RORY

I'm sorry.

LORELAI

[ Sighs with a motherly smile ] It's okay.

RORY

I screwed up. I screwed up so bad. I handled everything wrong.

LORELAI

Oh, honey.

RORY

I keep reliving everything over and over. It's such a mess. I just want to fix it. I have to fix it.

LORELAI

You will.

RORY

I know. I just -- I need a favor.

LORELAI

Okay.

RORY

It's big.

LORELAI

Okay.

RORY

I wrote a letter... to Dean. Could you get it to him?

LORELAI

[stunned] Oh.

RORY

I don't know how else to do it. I can't just mail it to his apartment. It's a big favor.

LORELAI

Honey, I don't know.

RORY

It's a lot to ask, but I think that this will make everything better. Please. [desperate] Please. I can't wait until I get home. I have to do something now.

LORELAI

A letter, huh? Well, get it to me, and I will get it to him.

RORY

Thank you. Thank you.

LORELAI

Have some espresso and limburger for me.

RORY

I will. [sincerely] I love you, mom.

LORELAI

I love you, too. Bye.

RORY

Bye.

LORELAI

[to gardener] You know, I think if you made it a little fuller -

SOOKIE

[spies Lorelai through the window] Go!

LORELAI

Going. [exits the porch]

LIZ

[speaking with acceptable faire language] I want to thank thee, kind lady, for your purchase. Please take one of my cards. Note the website. And do enjoy your day at the Faire. [customer leaves as Luke walks up smiling at his sister] I am kickin' ass! [Luke chuckles] Who knew I was a master salesman?

LUKE

So, I'm all packed and ready to go.

LIZ

Good, and don't worry about nothing, 'cause we're all cool here.

T.J.

[overhears them and continues his conversation with a fellow renaissance vendor] Well, that's the thing. In 10 years, I could die, and they could very well trace it back to this moment. "He got back up on his feet too fast." That's what they can say. [glances back at Liz and Luke's expression] It's weird when people who aren't doctors start thinking they're doctors.

LIZ

He'll be fine.

LUKE

[insincerely] Gosh, I was so worried. [Liz chuckles] So, I'm gonna make a phone call, and then I'll go.

LIZ

Okay. [Luke exits] Hey, hon, could you try and get this cash box open? It's stuck again. [hands T.J. the metal box and a screwdriver]

T.J.

If you want. It's just I was holding this screwdriver before, and I almost blacked out. I'll try again.

LIZ

Thanks.

T.J.

Luuuke! Don't forget the undercover guys. They look for cell phones.

LUKE

I'll keep an eye out.

T.J.

Luuuuuuuke, I'm being your friend here.

LUKE

[ Sighs ]

LORELAI

Hello?

LUKE

Hey, it's me.

LORELAI

Well, huzzah and prithee. Art thou -- ?

LUKE

Stop.

LORELAI

Sorry. How are you?

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

Sorry, that was incomplete. How are you, you big, fat liar?

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

You said you would be home yesterday.

LUKE

I'm coming home today for sure.

LORELAI

"Oh, what's that, Lucy? A football for me to kick?"

LUKE

I mean it this time.

T.J.

Oh, whoa! Man! Whoo!

LUKE

[rolls his eyes] It's a done deal.

LORELAI

I'll believe it when I see it.

LUKE

Did I tell you about Bill?

LORELAI

"Hay Bale Bill"? No. Spill. [shuffles through the mail]

LUKE

He crawled in a tent with "Grog Booth Annie".

LORELAI

No way!

LUKE

He did.

LORELAI

[appalled] But she's engaged to the fruit-ice guy!

LUKE

It's not gonna last.

LORELAI

[recognizes a familiar envelope] Oh, boy.

LUKE

You feeling okay?

T.J.

[thinking Luke is talking to him] I'm very nauseous.

LUKE

Not you, T.J.

LORELAI

I'm fine. I just have a little assignment I've got to do. So, what lie are you gonna tell me about coming home now?

LUKE

I'm coming home today.

LORELAI

So, next week?

LUKE

Today.

T.J.

[to a passing customer] Milady, dost thou have Pepto-Bismol on thee? Or breadstuffs?

LORELAI

This month at least?

LUKE

Today.

LORELAI

See you when Hillary's president.

LUKE

I'll see you later today.

LORELAI

Bye.

LIZ

[limps closer] Looking for something specific?

LUKE

Nah. Well... you remember those earrings you got me before?

LIZ

Yeah.

LUKE

You have a necklace that would match that?

LIZ

Yeah, I think so. You give them to a girl?

LUKE

Yeah.

LIZ

Anyone I know?

LUKE

Oh, you know, it's just someone.

LIZ

Dark hair, bright, blue eyes? You were just talking to her? I could tell, 'cause you grin a lot when you do.

LUKE

[blushes and looks down grinning] It's Lorelai.

LIZ

It's Lorelai! Huzzah!

T.J.

Huzzah!

NEARBY FAIRE PEOPLE

Huzzah!

LUKE

I never got the whole "huzzah" thing.

LIZ

I am so happy for you. You've found your T.J.

LUKE

Please don't put it like that.

LIZ

I've had dreams about you two being together, and my dreams always come true.

T.J.

Dream me a healthy spine, sweets.

LIZ

[to Luke] You're not gonna be alone.

LUKE

[grinning but a bit embarrassed] Yeah, yeah. The necklace.

LIZ

[pulls off one from the tree] Perfect?

LUKE

Perfect.

LIZ

[ Sighs and places gift into a silk pouch] So, go give it to her.

LUKE

take care, Sis.

LIZ

I love you, big brother. [Luke turns to T.J.]

T.J.

Whoa! One hug and my back would snap in eight pieces.

LUKE

[offers hand and shakes with T.J.] Good morrow, buddy.

LORELAI

Excuse me. I'm looking for Dean. [girl points] Thanks.

DEAN

We get lots of stuff from Marco Farms, but a lot of the time, it's hard to predict when it's gonna come in and how much of it we're gonna get. We're kind of at the mercy of [notices Lorelai nearby] -- of the um, guys -- of the farmers themselves, because they sell out a lot. But why don't you leave your name and number when you check out, and we'll give you a call as soon as the eggs you want come in, okay?

LORELAI

Dean.

DEAN

Hi.

LORELAI

Hi. [hands an envelope out to him]

DEAN

[suspicious] What's that?

LORELAI

It's a letter for you from Rory.

DEAN

[worried] What happened? Where is she?

LORELAI

Just take the letter.

DEAN

She went to Europe, right? Miss Patty said she went to Europe. What happened? What's she doing there? Who is she with?

LORELAI

Dean.

DEAN

When's she getting back?

LORELAI

Soon. Just take it.

DEAN

Where is she?

LORELAI

Europe.

DEAN

With who?

LORELAI

[gently] Her grandmother. Look, take it.

DEAN

No. Why did she go? Whose idea was it?

LORELAI

That doesn't matter.

DEAN

It does.

LORELAI

Dean, please. I'm a messenger, nothing more. Just take it.

CAESAR

Onion, guacamole, a little red pepper over butter lettuce and endive -- it could be a big seller.

LANE

But, Caesar, it's not the salad. The salad looks delicious. It's what you're calling it.

CAESAR

Caesar's salad.

LANE

Right.

CAESAR

So?

LANE

There's already a Caesar salad. It's kind of famous.

CAESAR

That's Caesar salad. Mine's got an apostrophe "S."

LANE

I don't think that makes it less confusing.

CAESAR

[points to the door] Customers. [exits]

ZACH

...greatest book I've ever read.

CHERYL

Keep going, Zach.

TRINA

Yeah, this is da bomb.

ZACH

So, Mary Magdalene goes to Gaul to have the kid.

CHERYL

That's the slutty one, right? Not the mom?

TRINA

It's so confusing 'cause they're all named Mary.

ZACH

She's not the mom, but she's not slutty. That's what this dude Constantine wanted you to believe, right? [Lane is listening to them from counter] He was purging the "E! True Hollywood Story" part of it for his own benefit. Turned the whole thing into Hollywood Babylon, and chicks got the short end. [snaps his fingers and beckons Lane to serve them]

CHERYL

God, I just want to spend, like, three straight years doing nothing but reading, you know?

LANE

[approaches the table] What book?

CHERYL

What?

LANE

[irritated] You're supposed to wait to be seated.

ZACH

Since when?

LANE

Since always. That's what what they do at Denny's.

ZACH

Okay, well, my usual table where I always sit. Okay, Lane?

LANE

Fine Zach. What will you have?

ZACH

Allow me to order for you girls. A ham sandwich for the lady on my right. Light mustard, right Trine? [strokes her forearm while Lane rolls her eyes]

TRINA

[ Giggles ]

LANE

Is that a "yes", Trine?

ZACH

That's a "yes." Burger, no cheese for Cheryl. Cheeseburger for me, and go ahead and shoot everybody here some fries [winks].

LANE

Free fries are for friends and family only. Sorry.

ZACH

Another new rule?

LANE

Nope -- old. Old as Moses.

ZACH

Okay, just bring me my order, and we'll all share.

LANE

Sorry, no.

ZACH

What?

LANE

You get free fries, you have to eat them.

ZACH

I can't share my own fries?

LANE

That's right.

ZACH

That's bogus.

LANE

That's tough, they're for you, not these girls. They're to be consumed by you, and you alone.

ZACH

I don't believe this.

LANE

I'll be watching to see if you share, so don't get any big ideas.

ZACH

Just forget about it, okay? We'll go to "Al's Pancake World".

LANE

Fine! Go!

ZACH

We are.

LANE

Good.

ZACH

Come on, girls.

LANE

[ Scoffs ] Whatever. Like I care where you go to eat.

CHERYL

Hey.

LANE

[impatient] What?

CHERYL

Sorry. We didn't know.

LANE

Know what? [Cheryl smiles knowingly and glances out the windows before she leaves] Know what?

SOOKIE

So... so, this is nice. Being away from the inn for a whole day.

LORELAI

Get some perspective.

SOOKIE

Just looking at something other than those same walls.

LORELAI

Oh.

SOOKIE

What a relief.

LORELAI

It all falls away. [they both walk and ponder]

SOOKIE

My meat guy better not screw me like he did yesterday.

LORELAI

Oh, my God! The gutters! That's what I forgot.

SOOKIE

I told Steve that if he doesn't leave by 3:00 --

LORELAI

Hey, hey, did I tell Michel to have the guy check all the radiators or just the one - [both chatter at once] no, no, I did. I did.

SOOKIE

Ah, now it's falling away.

LORELAI

It's starting to.

LINDSAY

I hate you, Dean! I hate everything! [a bundle of clothing is thrown from the window, fluttering down to the sidewalk below.]

DEAN

Let's just talk.

LINDSAY

I don't want to talk! I don't want you here! [out of the window comes a hockey stick]

DEAN

I'm sorry, okay?

LINDSAY

Sorry?

DEAN

Yes, because it'll never happen again.

SOOKIE

Oh, my God.

LORELAI

Oh, my God.

LINDSAY

Get out now. Now.

DEAN

Don't! You've got my --

LINDSAY

Don't you dare! [another bundle of clothes exits the window]

DEAN

Can you not -

SOOKIE

Well, that's what happens when you get married too young. [flinches]

LORELAI

[uncomfortable look] Yeah, that must be it.

DEAN

[OS] I'm sorry. There's not much I can do but say I'm sorry.

LINDSAY

You know, there was a lot you could have done. [more clothing out the window] And you know what? You didn't do it!

SOOKIE

[fascinated] This is juicy. I usually only get to hear about these things. I never get to see them.

DEAN

[OS] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I mean, can we do something? Can we get over this?

LINDSAY

[OS] Too late!! Look out the window!

LORELAI

[uncomfortable] Yeah, lucky us. Come on.

DEAN

Let's just talk.

LINDSAY

I hate you Dean.

SOOKIE

You definitely prepped the sauce for the duck? Because the duck without the sauce, is a duck that we can't use. The sauce has to be prepped early. I know you said it. Say it again. Stop saying "let it go"! Stop saying "let it go," John. Stop it. Stop it! I am letting it go. I just need you to assure me that everything's getting done so that I know I can fully let it go.

RORY

[OS] Hello?

LORELAI

[ Gasps ] Kitchen!

SOOKIE

I am hanging up, but I am not letting it go!

RORY

Mom!

LORELAI

Oh, my traveler. [they hug tightly]

RORY

I missed you.

LORELAI

I missed you, too.

RORY

Sookie!

SOOKIE

[ Squeals and hugs Rory ] You remember who I am!

EMILY

[OS] Hello!

LORELAI

Hi. [calls out to signal their location]

EMILY

Hello, Lorelai. Hello, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Hi, Emily.

LORELAI

Hi, Mom. [leans to hug her mother]

EMILY

Don't! I smell like airplane.

RORY

I should go get my bags.

EMILY

[scolding] Rory, you do not touch bags.

RORY

Oh, I thought that was just a Europe thing.

EMILY

The driver's bringing them in. [to Lorelai] We had such a trip. Rory will fill you in. Spare her the more salacious aspects.

LORELAI

[intrigued] Salacious aspects?

EMILY

Those European men -- young, old, in between -- they saw us coming.

SOOKIE

[puzzled] They saw you coming where?

EMILY

We were like magnets. Such high libidos.

LORELAI

You weren't wearing your "hot and wealthy" sandwich board, were you, Mom?

RORY

She was very popular.

EMILY

Well, I should go. I bring you back a charming, cultured, well-mannered young lady. Don't undo it.

LORELAI

I will definitely try not to not undo it.

EMILY

Well, goodbye, all. Goodbye, Rory.

RORY

Bye, Grandma. [leans forward to hug Emily]

EMILY

Nope. Airplane.

RORY

Oh, I can take it. Thanks, Grandma.

EMILY

Ciao. [leaves]

LORELAI

Come here, you. [urges Rory to join her at the kitchen table]

RORY

[giggle] So, what are you guys doing home?

LORELAI

We're trying to get some distance from the inn.

SOOKIE

And it's going through the roof. Not the inn's roof -- that's solid as a rock. You know what I mean. We're booked to 90% capacity. And the restaurant -- we're turning people away. Oh, you know all that.

RORY

No, keep going.

SOOKIE

Well, customers agree that, despite Michel, we're their favorite Connecticut inn. That's nothing compared to the big town news.

RORY

[fascinated] Wow. What?

LORELAI

Sookie - [shakes her head to silence Sookie]

SOOKIE

We walked past Dean's place, and Lindsay was throwing his stuff out on the street. They were really going at it. It was like "Raging Bull." There's yelling and screaming.

LORELAI

Sookie, you're exploding all over the poor girl.

SOOKIE

Oh, sorry.

LORELAI

And she's probably hungry. You're hungry, right Honey? [Rory slowly nods]

SOOKIE

Oh, I'll whip us something up.

LORELAI

Oh no, you said you had to pick up Davey, so we'll go out, you know? We'll call you later.

SOOKIE

Okay.

LORELAI

Okay, let's go. [pushes the issue by standing and urging them all to the front door. She wraps her arm around Rory's shoulders.]

SOOKIE

Talk to you later. [walks down steps and leaves]

LORELAI

See you later, Sookie. [She and Rory walk in the opposite direction down the sidewalk.]

RORY

What happened?

LORELAI

It was unbelievable. It was bad. She was yelling. She was throwing things. He was yelling. She called him a jerk. It was very violent and very public. Other people saw it. It was horrible.

RORY

[miserable] This was not supposed to happen.

MRS. LISTER

You! You should be ashamed of yourself -- what you did!

LORELAI

Just wait.

MRS. LISTER

What did she ever do to you, huh? How did she hurt you? Why are you doing this?

LORELAI

Theresa, please. Calm down.

MRS. LISTER

Calm down? My little girl has to come home and find your heinous letter in Dean's jacket.

LORELAI

Listen, we're in the street --

MRS. LISTER

You little monster!

LORELAI

Hey! Pull back, lady!

MRS. LISTER

There aren't hundreds of other boys in the world? You have to go after her husband?

LORELAI

Okay, stop attacking my daughter right now. You're upset, I get it, but you do not do this.

MRS. LISTER

She slept with my son-in-law. She broke up a marriage. Are you proud?

LORELAI

She did not break up a marriage.

MRS. LISTER

What do you know of this?

LORELAI

Enough. I know Rory.

MRS. LISTER

All I know is that now my Lindsay is devastated, Dean is back with his parents, lives are destroyed, and you and your daughter can go to hell! [She storms off dragging her daughter with her]

LORELAI

[ Clears throat ] Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter.

RORY

Um... I... I told him...that... that night was special and...that I wasn't sorry that it happened. But he's married, and... he has to figure out his life. So I was going to make it easier for him and take myself out of the mix.

LORELAI

[sympathetic] Well, that was a very good letter.

RORY

I can't believe she found it.

LORELAI

[looking around] We can't keep standing here.

RORY

I know.

LORELAI

These streets are dangerous right now.

RORY

Very.

LORELAI

Come on. [They walk off]

LORELAI

Anything you want is on me. Pie, cake, pancakes, pan pie, cake pan, panacockin. Say the word or make one up. It's yours. [they sit]

RORY

Chair feels good.

LORELAI

Yeah, yeah. A chair does feel good.

RORY

[slowly considering] I think a root beer might be good.

LORELAI

Root beer sounds good!

LUKE

It's on the house, so go crazy.

LORELAI

[surprised] Luke!

LUKE

[grins at Lorelai] Hey. [to Rory] Hi, Rory. Welcome back.

RORY

Thanks.

LUKE

[looks at Rory concerned] Are you okay? You look a little pale.

LORELAI

You know, pale's the new tan.

LORELAI

[ Chuckles and smiles back ] So, you're here. [smacks him on the chest] You're not a mirage.

LUKE

I told you I was coming back.

LORELAI

But you lied to me repeatedly for weeks, so your credibility's been shattered.

LUKE

I know. It's been seven weeks.

LORELAI

[grins and smacks him again] Seven weeks.

LUKE

[ Chuckles nervously and looks at the ground before clearing his throat ] You know, I just remembered -- I have an errand to run.

LORELAI

[skeptical] Oh, yeah?

LUKE

I got to go to the pharmacy. I'm gonna go now. [to Rory] Lane's here. She'll bring you your root beer. [calls out to the kitchen] Hey, Lane, I got to run down to the pharmacy! Got an errand.

LANE

[OS] Okay!

LUKE

[to the Gilmore girls] So... I'll be back in a bit.

LANE

Rory?!

RORY

Hey, you!

LANE

You're back! [to Lorelai] Our girl's back.

LORELAI

I know.

LANE

We need to consult.

RORY

Oh, sounds serious.

LANE

I'm in a quandary.

RORY

Other people's quandaries. I'm all ears.

LORELAI

Hey, you know, I just remembered -- I have to go to Doose's to... pick something up. You need a banana or anything?

RORY

I'm good.

LORELAI

Are you sure?

RORY

Yeah, I'm consulting on a quandary. Go.

LORELAI

Okay. I'll be right back. [she leaves]

LANE

So, my quandary -- are you ready? And I need honesty.

RORY

Shoot.

LANE

Am I in love with Zach?

RORY

What?

LANE

I need to know if you think I'm in love with Zach, 'cause a dirty trollop suggested it, and they're generally reliable about these things.

RORY

A dirty trollop?

LANE

She said something to me and gave me this sort of knowing, worldly look that seemed to suggest I was acting in a way that said I have a thing for Zach, or she was hitting on me. I just need to know your thought on this. [Rory stares at her mutely] Hey. Are you listening?

LORELAI

Hey. There you are. [walks up to him]

LUKE

Hi.

LORELAI

So -- [notices the sack] oh, you really ran an errand.

LUKE

I didn't run an errand, but I sort of kept up the pretense. So I went in the pharmacy. So, I was in the pharmacy, so I had to buy something, so I... I feel kind of dumb.

LORELAI

Yeah.

LUKE

[chuckles nervously ]

LORELAI

But you didn't really have an errand, right?

LUKE

Naw, It was just getting kind of crowded back there, you know?

LORELAI

Yeah.

LUKE

So, I brought you something. [Luke hands her the paper sack while he digs around in his shirt pocket]

LORELAI

Oh. [ pulls out a pack of cigarettes and gasps with pretense of delight] My own smokes. Ginchy. [looks up and sees Luke holding a beautiful dangling necklace.] Oh. [takes the fine chain] That's beautiful.

LUKE

[shyly] I think that'll match the earrings I got you before. If they don't, I'll take them back.

LORELAI

[pulls aside her hair and displays necklace beside her earrings] Definitely goes.

LUKE

Oh, yeah, look at that. Perfect match.

LORELAI

Perfect match.

LUKE

[irritated] I don't believe it. What the hell is this?

LORELAI

Cider mill.

LUKE

Oh for the love of...

LITTLE BOY

Hurry up, Michel!

MICHEL

What are you doing here?

LORELAI

What are you doing here?

MICHEL

I'm enjoying the cider mill parade. Such culture I've been missing all these years. This band -- so subtle. Like a polo mallet hitting your head.

LITTLE BOY

Come on!

LITTLE GIRL

Yeah, Come on!

MICHEL

Don't pull! I'm fragile!

LUKE

This town...

LORELAI

"-- is our town. This town is so glamorous".

LUKE

[hesitant] So, we'll hook up later, maybe.

LORELAI

We'll hook up later. Definitely.

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

I love the necklace.

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

Good. [distractedly bumps into a spectator, causing him to release a fistful of red balloons] Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, no! Oh, let me pay you. I don't have any cash. Um, well, would you take an I.O.U.? Have you been to the Dragonfly Inn? The food is great. Would you like to -- oh, I know. [pulls out the cigarettes] Do you smoke?

RORY

Hi. [Dean exits and quietly closes behind him] I hope this is okay. I wasn't sure where to call, and I just had to -- are you okay?

DEAN

[ Scoffs ] Am I okay?

RORY

Yeah, I mean... how do you...feel? [Dean scoffs again looking around] I'm sorry. That's a stupid question.

DEAN

No. It's not a stupid question. Um...let's see. How do I feel? Actually...I feel like an idiot.

RORY

Why?

DEAN

Why? Because I was married, ...Rory. Married. And I threw it all away for someone who dumped me once and then just bailed on me.

RORY

I didn't just bail. I --

DEAN

I hurt everybody. I hurt Lindsay, I hurt her parents, I hurt my parents, and now I'm back at home, and you're in Europe with your grandmother. And what the hell was I thinking? I mean, what am I doing? What's wrong with me?

RORY

[looks miserable] Nothing.

DEAN

I got to get ready for work. [long pause then turns and goes inside.]

RORY

[OS from inside] So, finish your story.

LORELAI

[OS from inside] Everybody knows you don't mess with Hay Bale Bill.

LORELAI

[OS from kitchen] So Hay Bale goes off and punches the guy, and it turned out to be the wrong guy -- all over this perceived insult about his girlfriend's legs.

RORY

Wait -- which one had hairy legs -- Annie the Grog Girl or Ocarina Jane, who secretly sold pot behind the brass-rubbing booth?

LORELAI

You mean "hairiest."

RORY

Egads.

LORELAI

I'm thinking bathing-suit season at the Renaissance Faire is only enjoyed by the blind.

RORY

Hmm.

LORELAI

Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?

RORY

For what?

LORELAI

Pizza.

RORY

I just got back from Italy.

LORELAI

So?

RORY

So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.

LORELAI

But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.

RORY

I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.

LORELAI

Hey, do you think Annie the Grog Girl made a pass at Luke? I'm sure he rebuffed her, but he was there a long time. I hope not. I'd joust the little slut.

RORY

[ Chuckles ] Hmm.

LORELAI

So, you want to talk about --

RORY

Something to watch?

LORELAI

Uh, yes. Something to watch.

RORY

You pick.

LORELAI

Will you be mad if it's "Showgirls" again? I got the deluxe edition with shot glasses and a drinking game. [Rory looks up sadly. They sit in silence for a few moments] Sanctuary.

RORY

[takes a big breath] Let me show you one thing before "Showgirls," okay?

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Home movies from my trip with Grandma.

LORELAI

You have home movies?

RORY

[clicks on TV and tape] She was in fine form.

OLDER WOMAN IN MOVIE

Signora distinctly wrote, "south rooms with a view and close together." Instead of which, she has given us north rooms without a view and a long way apart.

LORELAI

She gets very British when she's abroad.

RORY

Oh, yes.

OLDER WOMAN IN MOVIE

Hurry and get dressed, dear, or we'll miss our dinner, on top of everything else.

LORELAI

And you look very innocent and pretty.

RORY

It was a great view. I don't know what she was talking about.

OLDER WOMAN IN MOVIE

...What we were led to expect. I thought we were going to see... the signora distinctly wrote, "south rooms with a view"...