T5E6: “Norman Mailer, I’m Pregnant!”

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Hey, you back. (They kiss.) Ready?

LORELAI

Almost.

LUKE

Almost?

LORELAI

I just have to find my keys, and finish the laundry...

LUKE

That doesn't sound like almost, that sounds like we're gonna have to speed to the movies, park illegally, you hit the bathroom while I grab the popcorn, we'll meet back at the seats all sweaty and aggravated –

LORELAI

Well of course I'll be aggravated, you forgot the Red Vines. No, no keys here. (Searching)

LUKE

You know the lights are on in your Jeep?

LORELAI

Oh yeah, the porch light's out and it was dark so I left the Jeep on for the light. Could you lift, please?

LUKE

(lifting couch while Lorelai looks under it)

But the battery's going to die.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I timed it. It takes 12 hours for the battery to wear out. I go to work at eight o'clock, giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge. Not here either. Down, please.

LUKE

Why don't you just change the porch light?

LORELAI

Have you seen how dirty it is up there? With those creepy moths that fly in your face, and you could swallow one, and end up with some weird hand-to-mouth-to-moth disease –

LUKE

There's no such thing.

LORELAI

Oh, no? Did you see Mothman Prophecies?

LUKE

Yes.

LORELAI

Oh, well, okay then. Did you see the sequel?

LUKE

There's a sequel?

LORELAI

Yes. It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere gets a life threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light.

LUKE

There was no sequel.

LORELAI

Well, it's still really gross up there.

LUKE

How long has it been out?

LORELAI

Uh, since Rory broke up with Dean, the first time.

LUKE

Not the sequel.

LORELAI

Yes, he was the last one to change it. Jess never changed the porch light, by the way. Okay, this room is definitely keyless. Kitchen!

LUKE

You left your keys in the stove?

LORELAI

No, my socks.

LUKE

Your socks, of course. How naïve of me.

LORELAI

It makes them warm and slightly toasty. (She puts them on.) Huh, that's weird.

LUKE

What's weird? There's so much to choose from.

LORELAI

They're still damp. I followed the recipe. Bake at two-fifty, ten minutes on one side, ten on the other, they should be done by now. Think my oven's broken?

LUKE

What about your dryer?

LORELAI

No, dryer's fine.

LUKE

I think we should get to the movies.

LORELAI

All done, let's go.

LUKE

Keys!

LORELAI

Ah, forget about them. I'll just leave the door unlocked.

LUKE

You can't leave the door unlocked. That's not safe.

LORELAI

Sure it is.

LUKE

Just because you say it's safe doesn't make it safe.

LORELAI

If you build it, they will come.

LUKE

Have you checked out the... Your keys are in the door!

LORELAI

Huh, they are? That's right, I had to go in the back way because the porch light was out!

LUKE

They're stuck.

LORELAI

Yeah, that happens. (She hangs a towel over the doorknob.) There. You ready?

LUKE

I can never pick you up here again.

PARIS

I had a dream about you last night.

RORY

If this gets dirty, feel free to keep it to yourself.

PARIS

I dreamed that in spite of the fact that you knew I wanted to be assigned the religion beat, you went behind my back to Doyle, cooked him dinner and stole it from me.

RORY

It's just a dream, Paris.

PARIS

You made veal parmigiana, and it felt very real.

RORY

I don't make veal parmigiana. I don't make anything, and I don't want the religion beat. I want features, you know that.

PARIS

You say you want features –

RORY

And I mean it.

PARIS

Dreams tell you things. It's our subconscious talking to us. Warning us, telling us about things that are happening.

RORY

Paris –

PARIS

My dream was telling me that you are stabbing me in the back with your veal parmigiana.

RORY

Well I must have really overcooked it then.

PARIS

Let me smell your hands.

RORY

Oh, go away!

PARIS

You used a lot of garlic.

RORY

Bye.

PARIS

Rory, listen to me. We're close, like, friends, and I would hate for something as trivial as competition for the religion beat to come between us.

RORY

Oh, my God, I don't want the religion beat!

PARIS

We could end up like the Van Burens.

RORY

As in Mr. and Mrs. President?

PARIS

As in Abby and Ann.

RORY

Right.

PARIS

Sisters in blood, but bitter rivals. They don't even speak anymore.

RORY

That's ‘cause one of them is dead.

PARIS

You don't want the religion beat?

RORY

Oh! I'm sorry, you meant the religion beat – No! I don't!

PARIS

Tenora Thomas was in my dream too, she was pouring the wine – Yo! Tenora! Where's the fire? (She chases after her.)

DOYLE

Hey Rory, did you see this?

RORY

See what?

GLENN

It's no big deal.

DOYLE

Glenn here got himself published in the New York Times.

RORY

You're kidding!

GLENN

It's no big deal.

DOYLE

It's no big deal, he says.

RORY

Oh, but this is the article you wrote about the reprinting of The Anarchist's Cookbook.

GLENN

It's no big deal!

RORY

This was in our last issue.

DOYLE

The Times picked it up. They do that every now and then, they pick up something and they publish it, and that's what they did with our boy Glenn here.

GLENN

Please don't pat my back again.

RORY

Well, congratulations, Glenn.

GLENN

Don't say it loud, people are looking.

RORY

You should be proud!

GLENN

Why, it's not even my best piece.

RORY

It's still pretty amazing.

DOYLE

It is amazing. It's absolutely amazing that I spent all summer in Indiana working my ass off for the Muncie Messenger, and you went from Star Trek Convention to Boba Fett Fan Club Symposium, and yet, lookie here. The New York Times. Isn't that great, Rory? Aren't you seeing how great it is?

GLENN

Look! Get off my bus, okay? I don't know why they picked it, I didn't ask them to pick it, I don't even read the New York Times!

DOYLE

You don't read the New –

RORY

Well Glenn, it's great, and we're all just really happy for you. (She runs back to her desk.)

GLENN

Whatever. (His cell phone rings, Glenn sighs.) Oh man, it's R.W. Apple again. God, does he have anyone else to talk to? (Answers phone while exiting) What?

DOYLE

It's like Being There. And he's Chauncey Gardiner.

RORY

Hey, Doyle, you have to look at it this way. You edited that piece, and if it hadn't been edited well, the Times never would have picked it.

DOYLE

Oh. That's a great way to look at it. Thank you! You know, it's because of me that he's going to be Bob Woodward. I made it happen. So, some day when I'm running the circulation desk at the Muncie Messenger and Glenn is accepting his Pulitzer Prize, I can point up at the screen at the local bar where I regularly stop on my way home to get drop dead drunk, and say, “I helped him get there.” Then I can fall off my stool and throw up. Thank you so much for that, Gilmore. I never would've thought to look at it that way if it hadn't have been for you!

RORY

Hey Mom.

LORELAI

So, how are you? Do you wanna laugh?

RORY

Oh, laughing would be good.

LORELAI

Luke did the funniest bit before, I thought you would so be –

LUKE

Would you stop? I did not do a bit.

LORELAI

What are you talking about? The bit! It was a riot.

LUKE

It wasn't a bit! I banged my head on the stove and it hurt like hell.

LORELAI

No... no, you said it funnier before. Do it again!

LUKE

I told you, I never did it in the first place. You did it, it's your bit.

LORELAI

How could it be my bit when it's your head in the oven?

LUKE

Exactly. My head, my conk, no bit.

RORY

Mom, just wondering, did you call for any particular reason?

LORELAI

Just checking in, seeing how you're doing. How are you doing?

RORY

I'm fine.

LORELAI

Aw, what's wrong?

RORY

What makes you think something's wrong?

LORELAI

You've got Bambi voice.

RORY

I do not have Bambi voice.

LORELAI

Spill, please.

RORY

I'm just... really behind.

LORELAI

Behind what?

RORY

I'm behind at the paper. Way, way behind at the paper. Everyone else had these amazing, productive summers. Internships at hometown papers, getting articles reprinted in the New York Times, and me, the person who's been talking about being a journalist her entire life, what did I do? I wasted two whole months running away to Europe with Grandma.

LORELAI

Whoa, slow down. First of all, Europe – waste? You had major invaluable experiences, the architecture, the food, seeing my mother without her makeup on in the morning.

RORY

But this is the time for work, for learning. I didn't even consider and internship anywhere, I was so wrapped up in my own personal... whatever. I can't believe I did this.

LORELAI

Well, okay, let's take a step back here. You say you're behind –

RORY

I am behind.

LORELAI

- so, you'll catch up.

RORY

You say that like it's easy.

LORELAI

No, I say that like it's what you're going to do. You've done it before. You were behind at Chilton – you remember? And then you hit a deer, and everything was fine.

RORY

The two incidents were in no way connected.

LORELAI

But you caught up, right?

RORY

That was high school. This is college, a very big, important college.

LORELAI

Okay, different school, but same Rory. You're great at the catch up thing, you're the “catch up girl” – not to be confused with “ketchup girl”, ‘cause that's not you at all. You were strictly a mustard and relish girl from day one – there's a little condiment humor for ya.

RORY

I'm really going to have to work – constantly. Maybe I'll have to look for something part-time at a local paper.

LORELAI

Good, that's good... Or you could work for a fishmonger.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

‘Cause there's lots of newspapers there.

LUKE

- Ow! Geez! What the – Doh!

LORELAI

(laughing)

He did it! He did the bit! Luke, do it again. Do it louder for Rory.

RORY

Hey, Mom?

LORELAI

Yeah?

RORY

You sound happy.

LORELAI

I am, kid. (She smiles at Luke.)

LUKE

What?

STEPHEN

Mr. Mailer, it's just such a great honor to be doing this interview, so I just want to thank you.

NORMAN MAILER

Can I give you a tip?

STEPHEN

Yes, sir.

NORMAN MAILER

I wouldn't start that way for a simple reason – I don't trust compliments. I've been getting them for years. Sometimes I deserve them, sometimes I didn't. But generally when people give you compliments there's one of two things wrong with them. Either they're false, or what's worse is they're sincere. They really mean the compliment. And then they're offering you their loyalty. And I'm kind of a stingy... Well, I don't necessarily want to give all that loyalty back. So either way, let's skip the compliments.

STEPHEN

Let's talk about, uh, what are you working on now?

NORMAN MAILER

I'm gonna say no to you, I can't tell you what I'm working on. A novel is like a secret affair, you don't bring other people in on it.

LORELAI

Norman Mailer's back, for the third time this week!

SOOKIE

Yep, sure is.

LORELAI

This is so exciting. I've got to call and tell Rory. You know, she read The Naked and the Dead while she was still wearing footsie pajamas.

SOOKIE

(yells) Chicken's burning!

LORELAI

This is our first step on the road to being Solon. I mean, as soon as word gets out that Norman Mailer is having lunch at the Dragonfly, it's just a matter of time before the rest of the literati comes sweeping in.

SOOKIE

Sounds great.

LORELAI

So, of course, we'll have to keep Gore Vidal on the other side of the room, but, you know, probably Gabriel Garcia Marquez will run interference for us –

SOOKIE

(irritably, to staff)

Butter bath, boys, butter bath!

LORELAI

Are you okay?

SOOKIE

Sure. And I'm thrilled and delighted that Norman Mailer is coming in here every day and sitting at a table for four and ordering nothing at all, but tea!

LORELAI

Tea?

SOOKIE

Iced tea. Glass after glass after glass!

LORELAI

I'm sure he orders more than iced tea.

SOOKIE

Are you, now?

LORELAI

All right, you make great iced tea. I mean, legendary, so can you blame him?

SOOKIE

All I know is when Billy Joel came in to the Independence Inn he would pack it away. Appetizers! Main course! Two, three desserts! That was a man that knew how to eat! And he was almost able to hide it.

LORELAI

Yes, but have you ever read his novels?

SOOKIE

This is a restaurant, not a coffee shop.

LORELAI

Come on, Sookie, this is fun! We're the cool place where Norman Mailer likes to hang. It'll give us street cred, you'll see.

SOOKIE

Fine. Waiter: We need some more iced tea.

SOOKIE

Gee, I wonder who that's for?

DOYLE

Lena, economic development. Seng, Woodbridge Hall. Benji, legal issues. Paris, religion beat.

PARIS

Me? Really? Huh, I hadn't thought. All right.

DOYLE

Jerry, city arts; Rory, features; Glenn, crime. (Glen clears his throat.)

DOYLE

What, Glenn, you don't want crime?

GLENN

I don't care. Maureen Dowd told me it's all the same, not that that flirt has any idea what she's talking about.

DOYLE

All right, that's it. Congratulations if you got what you wanted, and if you didn't, I could care less. Get cracking. (Meeting breaks up.)

RORY

Thank you so much for features beat. I can't tell you how excited I am.

DOYLE

And please don't try.

RORY

No, I'm gonna kick butt. You just wait and see.

DOYLE

You're a reporter now, Gilmore. You've gotta learn to say ass.

RORY

I'll work on that. Hey, listen, um, I have about a million ideas for my first story, so I was wondering if I could run some of them by you, see what you think?

DOYLE

Two minutes. Go.

RORY

Okay, well, first I thought I could do an update on unionizing the janitorial staff, you know, a classic power struggle; haves versus the have-nots.

DOYLE

Okay.

RORY

Or – and I already have the headline for this one – “Yale's Liberal Activist Network: A thing of the past?”

DOYLE

Catchy, catchy

RORY

Then there's the issue of illegal music downloading on campus, which I imagine is a major – (Logan walks in with his crew.)

DOYLE

Oh no.

RORY

What?

DOYLE

He's back.

LOGAN

Doyle, my friend. (They shake hands.) You're looking very, very well, how ya been?

DOYLE

I've been great, Logan. Great to have you back.

LOGAN

Yeah, well, I stayed away as long as I could, but the Yale Daily News called to me.

DOYLE

Oh, sure. So how's everything? How's the family?

LOGAN

Everything's fine, the family's the family... Ah, my desk. Beautiful.

DOYLE

Um, you know, Logan, I didn't know exactly when you were coming back, and I gave out the beats.

LOGAN

That's fine, Doyle, I'll take whatever you've got left. (He sits with his feet up on the desk.)

DOYLE

Actually, there's none left.

LOGAN

Perfect, just the one I wanted. Relax, Doyle. I'm just here for the pretty picture in my father's head. I'm not going to be any trouble at all.

DOYLE

Oh, Logan, please. You, trouble? Stop. We're just glad to have you here.

LOGAN

Careful, boy, you might hurt yourself, kid. Better get back to work, right boss? Rory, nice to see you. (Doyle crosses over to Rory's desk.)

DOYLE

You know Logan? How do you know Logan?

RORY

No, I don't know him, I met him. A friend introduced us.

DOYLE

So you're not friends.

RORY

No, definitely not friends.

DOYLE

(hushed)

That guy's a real piece of work. He took last year off with a bunch of his friends. He was going to sail Daddy's yacht around till he sank it.

RORY

He sank his father's yacht?

DOYLE

Right off of Fiji. They spent six months of gallivanting and partying and God knows what in there till Daddy sent one of his planes to bring him back.

RORY

I'm guessing his father's rich.

DOYLE

His father's Mitchum Huntzberger.

RORY

Mitchum Huntzberger? The newspaper guy?

DOYLE

The newspaper magnet. The man owns at least twelve different papers. I've spent two years kissing Logan's butt.

RORY

Don't you mean ass?

DOYLE

Whatever. Guess it's time to pucker up again. Man, I hate those kind of guys.

RORY

What kind of guys?

DOYLE

Those privileged, white males.

RORY

Doyle, you're a privileged white male.

DOYLE

Well, he's more privileged. And way more whiter. Why am I talking to you? Meg, why am I talking to Gilmore?

RORY

My story – we were picking a story.

DOYLE

Right. Well, they all sound fine to me.

RORY

Then I think I'll go with the downloading story.

DOYLE

Good. Go with your gut. And get to work. (He turns to leave. Logan puts on an old “press” hat.)

LOGAN

(1920's reporter voice, on the phone.) Hello, city desk? Smitty here, take this down. I got a hot scoop on a tall blonde and I gotta put it to bed on the double! (He hangs up, laughs at Doyle, winks at Rory, then puts his feet back on the desk and leans back for a nap with the hat over his face.)

STEPHEN

How do you see your position in American letters?

NORMAN MAILER

I'm either the best, or I'm not. And I have no idea. And in fact I don't even worry about it anymore, because it doesn't matter whether you think you're the best, there are twenty of us around. Twenty American writers right now – I could name them but I won't – who think they're the best living American writer. And I'm one of those twenty. (Sookie enters dining room.) On the other hand, I don't want to make friends with some of those guys, because they're bastards.

STEPHEN

Okay, so who is your favorite author of all time?

SOOKIE

(interrupting)

So, how are we doing over here?

NORMAN MAILER

(irritated)

We're fine.

SOOKIE

Hey, you know what goes great with iced tea? Pork tenderloin!

STEPHEN

Maybe later, thanks. Sookie; We have a great menu here. I'm holding a couple as we speak.

NORMAN MAILER

We're fine, thank you.

SOOKIE

Okay. Hey, I don't know if the waiter told you, but today is Wednesday. And on Wednesday at the Dragonfly we play a little something I like to call "Stump the chef"! Which is me. And the way we play is that you name any dish in the world and I will make it for you, and if I don't know what it is, then you get your lunch completely free!

NORMAN MAILER

What the devil is she talking about?

STEPHEN

Actually, you know what, could we have some lemon for the iced tea?

SOOKIE

Lemon? ... oh, sure. One plate of lemon coming up. (She turns to leave) If you change your mind, I'll be in the kitchen. You know, with the food.

RORY

(on the phone)

I already have a ton of data and pages of research and, ooh, the best thing is, Nancy, this girl on the fourth floor, her father was the guy who ran security at the gallery when Lars Ulrich sold all his art and he said he would try to get him on the phone for an interview and I've gotta breathe now.

DEAN

I think that was a record.

RORY

So what do you think? You think it sounds big enough, important enough? Dean: Yes, I do.

RORY

I think so too. I feel very, very good about this, Forester. Dean: Excellent to hear, Gilmore. (Paris enters dorm, also talking on the phone.)

PARIS

Monsignor, why is my asking you keep your cell on vibrate during mass in case I need to fact check a quote outrageous? Rabbi Feldman's doing it for me on Shabbat and he's flying against the Talmud there. (Into her bedroom) Dean: So, when do I get to read this story of yours?

RORY

Well, I figured I'll finish a rough draft in time for our date tomorrow night. So you can have a romantic night of proofreading. Huh? Pretty hot, don't ya think? Dean: Yeah, listen -

RORY

I'm kidding; you don't have to read it. I'll read it to you. Dean: I have to work tomorrow night.

RORY

What? Dean: Sorry.

RORY

But it's Thursday. Since when do you work on Thursday? Dean: Since Taylor decided to cash in on the 24-hour trucker crowd.

RORY

What trucker crowd? Dean: The trucker crowd off Highway 84.

RORY

Since when does the trucker crowd off Highway 84 come through Star's Hollow? Dean: Since we installed an icy machine.

RORY

Wow. Dean: Yep. I'm stuck here pulling the new shifts until we see how it's catching on.

RORY

Sounds rough. Dean: Yeah. You haven't lived until you've heard Taylor belt out "Stand by Your Man".

RORY

You deserve hazard pay. Dean: I've already submitted for it.

RORY

So, no tomorrow night. Bummer. How about Saturday? Dean: Saturday I'm here. Uh, what about next week? I've got Tuesday and Wednesdays off.

RORY

I have this article, and I'm already behind on my reading. Next weekend? Dean: Going to Maine for my grandparent's wedding anniversary.

RORY

Well, it was nice knowing ya. Dean: Way to stand by your man.

RORY

So I guess that's week after next, huh? Dean: Yeah, I guess so.

RORY

I turn in my article on that Monday. Dean: Monday night it is.

RORY

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Dean: Yeah. Sex can do that also.

RORY

Amen, brother. Dean: Okay, I've got to go. You have to stir the nacho cheese every twenty minutes or it forms kind of a rock.

RORY

Go stir the cheese. Dean: Call you tomorrow.

RORY

Okay. Bye. (Paris comes back into the common room.)

PARIS

Did you know that priests have a fabulous sense of humor?

RORY

Just stay one lightning bolt's length away from me at all times please.

PARIS

You want to go check out some Mormon bingo around 5th?

RORY

No thanks.

PARIS

How's your article coming?

RORY

Very good.

PARIS

Good. So you must have found a new angle on it. Right?

RORY

Right. New angle.

PARIS

Yeah. Downloading stories are everywhere and they all say exactly the same thing. Downloading's up, CD sales are down, but up from last year. It's not hurting the music industry but the music industry's hurting. Blah, blah, blah. You know. It always seems like there's got to be more to it than that, but there never is. But, you have a fresh angle. So good.

RORY

Yeah. Good.

PARIS

Okay. I'll be back late. If Rabbi Feldman calls, tell him I got the stats from Edward James Olmos' office, so I'm good. Bye.

RORY

Yeah, bye.

ANN

What's this? Never mind, I see the noted pink, thank you Lorelai.

LORELAI

You're welcome.

ANN

Okay. I see a lot of growth this month. The initial drop off, which we all knew was going to happen after the opening has sort of settled and you're doing a good seventy to seventy-five percent occupancy, which is pretty good.

LORELAI

Yeah, and the holidays are coming up, we're booked solid the last three weeks of November.

ANN

Well that's all positive news. So let's just talk about the couple of things we can do to help till then.

LORELAI

So, we need help?

ANN

Well, yeah. Some. It's the first year, and you're going to building the business so there's not a lot of profit right now, and personally I'd feel better if we could just lighten some of the financial load.

SOOKIE

Financial load.

LORELAI

That sounds bad. Michel: I could put in for overtime and I don't.

ANN

Look, you need to get some of these burdens off you. For example, lunch.

SOOKIE

What about lunch?

ANN

Well, breakfast seems to be breaking even, and you're doing fine with dinner but, lunch?

SOOKIE

What about lunch, Ann?

ANN

You're hemorrhaging money at lunch. You have a full staff for a basically empty dining room. I think it might be a good idea to drop lunch until you get your occupancy rate up higher and –

SOOKIE

Drop lunch, did she say drop lunch?

LORELAI

Just until we get our occupancy rates up a little higher.

ANN

A lot higher.

SOOKIE

I don't understand. That's the only thing we can do?

ANN

Well –

SOOKIE

I mean, I just think it's extremely coincidental that the only thing we can do to save the inn is to get rid of lunch.

LORELAI

Well, I'm sure it's not the only thing.

SOOKIE

I mean, lunch is my thing. Why do we have to get rid of one of my things? Why can't we get rid of one of Michel's things? Michel: What things? I stand behind a desk and answer a phone. What of mine can you possibly get rid of?

SOOKIE

The desk! Put the phone on the wall! Michel: What?

SOOKIE

And write on your shoe, because he goes through a lot of paper.

LORELAI

Okay! Ann, would you just, uh...

SOOKIE

It's not fair! It's not fair that everybody else gets to keep their thing and I have to get rid of my lunch.

LORELAI

Sookie, Ann's just trying to help.

SOOKIE

Oh, Ann hates me.

ANN

No, I don't!

LORELAI

Okay, Ann, how would you like to go in the kitchen and get yourself a cup of coffee?

ANN

I don't hate her.

LORELAI

I know. Michel can you get Ann some coffee? Michel: Oh, absolutely. And then I'll go hang my phone on the wall. (He gets up to escort Ann to the kitchen.) Oh, I have to tell you, looking good is so important when you represent the face of the company. I mean, I am the first thing that a customer sees when they walk through that door.

ANN

Your suits are not a deduction, Michel. (They leave.)

LORELAI

What are you doing?

SOOKIE

She's taking my lunches away.

LORELAI

She's trying to help us.

SOOKIE

This is all Norman Mailer's fault. He just sits around, ordering nothing and yammering on and on and on. I mean, so he was married to Marilyn Munroe. Who wasn't?

LORELAI

That was Arthur Miller.

SOOKIE

I'm going to kick him and pinch his nose.

LORELAI

Hey, get a grip. Sookie, we're trying to launch a business here.

SOOKIE

The restaurant is part of the business.

LORELAI

I know.

SOOKIE

And cutting out lunch is not the...

LORELAI

Temporarily cutting out lunch. Temporarily. Just until things perk up, which they will, and when they do, the lunches will go back, just like before. Sookie? Okay?

SOOKIE

Fine. (Gets up to leave.)

LORELAI

Just give it time.

SOOKIE

Mmhmm.

LORELAI

And we're going to leave Mr. Mailer alone, right? ‘Cause I don't care how old he is, he can take you.

SOOKIE

I know. (She goes.)

LEN

So, we're booted up, and we're searching the network for other clients, right? And then you enter the album you want in this search field, right? Let's say, it's the new Interpol, you heard it?

RORY

I think so.

LEN

A little less joy divisioning this time, more Nick Cave got mugged by Paul Whiler with some Seventeen Seconds Eric Cura thrown in. But anyway, for better quality you choose the file with the highest bit rate. It's a trade off ‘cause it's a bigger file size. The lower the bit rate, the smaller the file, but lower quality. Got that?

RORY

Higher smaller, lower larger.

LEN

Higher larger, lower smaller. Ooh, check this out. I can download a band's entire catalog with the push of a button. I'm gonna take down all twenty-two Chicago albums, boo-ya! There's Chicago One, Chicago Two, Chicago Three, Chicago Four... neat, huh?

RORY

Yeah. Really neat. Len: Chicago nine, Chicago ten... I hate Chicago. Use a trombone, go to jail. But, my goal is to get it all, from Abba to Zappa. There's the Christmas album.

RORY

Um. Okay, that's really fascinating stuff, but let me ask you, do you still buy CD's?

LEN

Yeah.

RORY

Mmhm. Anything to add to that?

LEN

CD sales are up this year, you hear about that?

RORY

Yes I did.

LEN

Down last year, up this year. Weird. Oh cool. Here's a 1986 bootleg of Chicago Live at the Cumberland Civic Center at Portland and Maine, boo-ya!

RORY

So, Len, tell me about when... er, ah... if...

LEN

Yeah?

RORY

Oh, I just, I lost my train of thought.

LEN

I hate that.

RORY

You know what, I think I'm going go get a cup of coffee. Coffee sounds good. I'll be back in a minute.

LEN

I'll be here. (She leaves)

LORELAI

Oh boy. Okay, hold on. I get it, you're ringing. Howdy ma'am. (To a woman passing by as she sets down her food.) Hold on, hold on, hold on. (She answers.) Yes, hi, hello.

CHRIS

Lor!

LORELAI

Chris?

CHRIS

I can't get her to stop.

LORELAI

Stop what?

CHRIS

Crying, screaming. She's not hot, there's no fever, and I can't get her to eat.

LORELAI

We're talking about Gigi, right?

CHRIS

Yes!

LORELAI

Okay, ‘cause, you know, Sherry's really thin, so I - (Gigi screams.)

LORELAI

Are you sure she's not hot?

CHRIS

No, I already checked. I don't know what to do. She's everywhere. She won't sit still, she keeps climbing out of her crib, she's moving really fast...

LORELAI

Oh, Chris, honey, calm down. Where's Sherry?

CHRIS

She's not here, she's out again.

LORELAI

When is she getting home?

CHRIS

I don't know what to do. I didn't know who to call, the nanny is not answering her pager, and Sherry's friends, they don't have kids or like kids, I just...

LORELAI

I'll be right there. Ah, bye. (She hangs up and rushes off.)

CHRIS

I owe you so big.

LORELAI

Wow, you look, uh, great. (Looks around) Huh. How long ago did Axl Rose leave?

CHRIS

Yeah, the, uh, place is kind of a mess, I tried to clean up earlier but she keeps climbing out of the crib, if she's not climbing, she's screaming... I really don't know what to do here. I mean, I keep thinking she's hungry but she won't eat, and – (Gigi cries.) Oh, crap. There she goes again. C'mon, Gig, let's go back in the crib, huh? (Gigi screams again.)

LORELAI

You tell him, girlfriend.

CHRIS

She hasn't slept. She hasn't slept for days.

LORELAI

I'm guessing that makes two of you.

CHRIS

Yeah, well... C'mon, Gig, just a little sleep, huh?

LORELAI

Um, Chris, where is Sherry?

CHRIS

She's, uh, away. Oh, c'mon, seriously Gigi. Five hundred bucks if you stay in there for ten minutes.

LORELAI

Hold out, kid, you've got him on the ropes now.

CHRIS

She doesn't need your help.

LORELAI

No, she doesn't. Just... come here. (She picks op Gigi) Hi! Oh, wow! I hear strained spinach is the new pink! (Hands her to Chris)

CHRIS

It's okay... (Lorelai turns the crib toward the wall.)

LORELAI

There you go.

CHRIS

That's it?

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHRIS

You mean, she's going to stay in there?

LORELAI

Yeah, until her hair grows long enough for the prince to shimmy up. (Puts Gigi back in the crib.) Come on. (They sit on the couch.)

CHRIS

Oh, God, I am so sorry, Lor.

LORELAI

Oh, for what?

CHRIS

Well, I hardly ever call you, or Rory, but the minute I'm in trouble...

LORELAI

Well, that's what we're here for.

CHRIS

Yeah. Well, I've been traveling so much, and then I get home to this, and I didn't know what to do. I swear, I didn't know what to do.

LORELAI

Chris.

CHRIS

Yeah?

LORELAI

Where is Sherry?

CHRIS

Sherry is in Paris.

LORELAI

Wow, lucky girl. When does she get back?

CHRIS

She's not.

LORELAI

She's...

CHRIS

I got home from Seattle, and the nanny was here and she handed me a note. It said that Sherry had been offered a job in Paris and she had decided to take it.

LORELAI

What?

CHRIS

She said she had put her career on hold for almost two years. She said that I had been gone for most of that time, which, I guess is true, and she wasn't going to let this opportunity pass. She said it was my turn, she was sorry, but that she had to do this – for her.

LORELAI

Wow.

CHRIS

Yeah.

LORELAI

I'm stunned.

CHRIS

Pretty much my same reaction.

LORELAI

But Gigi – she just takes off on Gigi?... Okay, well. You smell as good as you look.

CHRIS

I haven't showered since Seattle.

LORELAI

Really, well, I'm hot. Okay, um, how about this for a plan. You – go take a shower. And I will, um, order some food and start to clean up and then we'll –

CHRIS

Hey, I can't do this.

LORELAI

Do what? Shower? Oh, you've done it before. Just turn the water on, step in. Oh, no wait, remove clothes, then step in.

CHRIS

I can't raise her. I cannot raise her all by myself.

LORELAI

Yes you can.

CHRIS

What makes you think so?

LORELAI

Because you have to, Chris. She's your daughter, and you're going to find a way. I did. I did it with Rory.

CHRIS

Oh, you're different.

LORELAI

Yes, I was sixteen.

CHRIS

No, you're different, I mean, you're special. You're stronger. You're like a superhero with red boots and a golden lasso.

LORELAI

That was one Halloween, Christopher.

CHRIS

I mean, you raised Rory all by yourself, you had no one to help you and you didn't look back.

LORELAI

That's right. But if I had decided to bail on Rory and follow the Bangles around the world, which is what I planned to do when the Demerol kicked in, then you would've put on the red boots and golden lasso and you would have raised her and everything would have been fine. Except she wouldn't have introduced you to anyone, or let you go to the parent night at school ‘cause you looked so freaky.

CHRIS

I don't know.

LORELAI

She is your daughter.

CHRIS

And I don't even know her. I've been gone so much.

LORELAI

Well, welcome home, babe.

CHRIS

I don't want to screw this up, Lor.

LORELAI

You're not going to. I know you can do this, Chris.

CHRIS

You ever get tired of being my cheerleader?

LORELAI

Hey, as long as I look cute in the skirt I'm good to go.

CHRIS

Okay. Uh, I really need to shower.

LORELAI

Yeah. I'll clear a path, and order some food?

CHRIS

Yeah. No applesauce.

LORELAI

You got it.

CHRIS

So, you really think I can handle this?

LORELAI

No doubt in my mind. (Gigi cries.) Go. I've got the crying.

CHRIS

Hey, Lor?

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHRIS

I don't know what I do without you.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, you're going to find out real soon if you don't –

CHRIS

Take off clothes, get in shower, turn on water. I'm going.

LORELAI

(singing to Gigi)

Just another manic Monday...

DOYLE

Gellar! Do you see what I have here in my hand?

PARIS

I'm busy, Doyle.

DOYLE

Rabbi Baron says he's changed his number twice.

PARIS

Oh, please.

DOYLE

Father Callahan is threatening a restraining order.

PARIS

If I had a nickel...

DOYLE

And the honorable Muhammed Abdul Aziz says that you stole his flip-flops.

PARIS

What a lie. He leaves them out in his hallway and I have told him a million times that people suck, and –

DOYLE

Paris!

PARIS

What?

DOYLE

You have threatened, stalked and basically freaked out every religious leader within a hundred mile radius. This paper has never received so many complaints in the history of its existence. And how the hell did you get Jesse Jackson's barber's number? How?

PARIS

Hey, you gave me this beat to find the story, not to cow-tow and make nice, and –

DOYLE

Gellar!

PARIS

What!

DOYLE

Way to go.

PARIS

Thanks.

DOYLE

Don't you dare give back those flip-flops.

PARIS

Not a chance, they fit perfectly. (Doyle walks away.)

RORY

Hey, Doyle, I think I want to change my story.

DOYLE

Yeah?

RORY

Yeah. The downloading story was a dead end, there's nothing there.

DOYLE

You're telling me.

RORY

What?

DOYLE

I got bored just hearing you pitch it. So what do you got now?

RORY

Okay. Well, last night I was in one of the bathrooms over at Berkeley, and this girl came in, slightly toasted, and she was wearing a full on ball gown with one of those plastic gorilla masks.

DOYLE

Huh. Not something you see every day.

RORY

Exactly what I thought. So I followed her out to the parking lot, and she got in this fancy black SUV, and said “In Omnia Paratus”, which means “Ready for anything”. I know, I took Latin.

DOYLE

Quel impressed. Continue

RORY

All this seemed a little weird, but interesting weird, you know? So, I don't know. Maybe it's all this hanging out with a real newspaper man like yourself, but my antennae went up. I felt there was a story there. Did you catch the subtle sucking up?

DOYLE

Caught it. Continue.

RORY

So, I googled the phrase, not quite sure what I was looking for, but then I found this. See, it links the phrase with a club here at Yale. It's sort of a secret society kind of Skull and Bones kind of creepy group dating back to the 1800's. This phrase was their motto. Now, that alone, not that interesting. But here. Look. (Shows him a picture of people jumping off a bridge holding umbrellas, with the phrase In Omnia Paratus scrawled across the bottom.)

DOYLE

(interested) Huh.

RORY

I found this in a 1996 edition of the Yale Daily News. It's an article on whether or not this club actually exists.

DOYLE

“The Life and Death Brigade.” Yeah, I know these guys.

RORY

Oh, you do?

DOYLE

Well, I've heard of them. They're apparently even more elusive than the Skull and Bones crowd. ‘Course they've never been linked to masturbating in a coffin so I automatically like these guys better.

RORY

Hm. Well, what do you know about them?

DOYLE

Not much. Paper's tried to track them down before, and we've gotten a few leads, but no one's ever gotten close enough to confirm anything. We all know they exist, but, we don't know they exist. It's all just too-too. God I hate those stupid clubs.

RORY

I want to do this story. I want to find this club, track them down, get on the inside. What do you think?

DOYLE

Go with your gut.

RORY

You said that about my downloading story. Hey, you don't trust my gut!

LORELAI

Finally.

RORY

What are you doing out here?

LORELAI

Am I wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night?

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Halfway here I was struck by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit to last Friday night, and there's no way I'm going in there to see my mother wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night because I may not remember but she sure as hell will.

RORY

I don't know.

LORELAI

You don't know?

RORY

You don't remember but you expect me to?

LORELAI

Well, you look at me more than I look at me; you sit across from me at dinner. You had more of a chance to imprint my ensemble in your brain.

RORY

Sorry, no imprint.

LORELAI

Oh, that hurts.

RORY

Oh, I'm sure you don't remember what I was wearing.

LORELAI

I most certainly do.

RORY

Okay, what was I wearing?

LORELAI

You were wearing a lovely and delicately understated, uh, outfit... well, you were definitely wearing these arms.

RORY

Oh, way to imprint, lady.

LORELAI

Stand I front of me, just in case. (Rings doorbell.)

MAID

Hello.

LORELAI

Hi, we should be on the guest list. Holstein and Liza are expecting us. (Maid looks confused.)

LORELAI

Okay. Let's try it straight. Hi, we're here for dinner. I'm Lorelai the daughter, this is Rory the granddaughter.

MAID

Oh! Okay, I'm sorry. Right this way. (They walk in.)

RORY

She's acting weird.

LORELAI

She knows I'm wearing the same outfit as last week.

RORY

She wasn't here last week.

LORELAI

The world's small, maids talk.

RORY

About you?

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

Oh. With all that's going on in the world, all the maids in existence are talking about you.

LORELAI

Huh. ‘Kay, now you're making me seem a little stuck up.

MAID

Can I get you something to drink?

LORELAI

Yes, a martini please.

RORY

Coke, please.

LORELAI

Oh, you know, maybe we should wait for my mother. Is she coming down soon?

MAID

No.

LORELAI

Oh. Okay. Do you know if she saw what I was wearing through the window?

MAID

Mrs. Gilmore isn't here.

LORELAI

She's not?

RORY

Where is she?

MAID

She's at a dinner for the Children's Hospital.

LORELAI

Oh! So she's not going to be here at all tonight.

MAID

No, I'm afraid not.

RORY

Okay. Well then I guess we can just...

LORELAI

You know, we'll just... go have dinner in the pool house with Dad.

MAID

Oh.

LORELAI

Oh?

MAID

Mr. Gilmore is out of town.

LORELAI

He is?

MAID

‘Till Tuesday.

LORELAI

Aha. We've officially become afterthoughts.

MAID

Would you like me to make you two something for dinner?

RORY

Um, well, since everyone's gone, maybe I'll just head back to school. I have a lot of work to do at the paper.

LORELAI

Yeah. Okay. That would be one option, going back to school. However, another option would be staying here, ordering pizza, and eating dinner on the living room floor on paper plates.

RORY

You're evil!

LORELAI

Would you bring us a phone book, please?

MAID

Right away.

LORELAI

Get crazy!

RORY

Okay! (They take off their shoes.)

LORELAI

We have to really live it up. Carpe Diem, baby.

RORY

I'm touching the rug with my feet!

LORELAI

Ooh, you're perverse!

RORY

Hey, and when she brings the drinks, let's not use coasters!

LORELAI

Hey, I wonder if there's anything in here that we could un-alphabetize.

RORY

[gasps] The rug is so soft! Oh, you would not believe!

LORELAI

Gluing everything in this room to the ceiling so that it's in exactly the same place, but upside down, be going too far?

RORY

A little.

LORELAI

So, dish?

RORY

Absolutely.

LORELAI

Sherry left your dad.

RORY

What? When?

LORELAI

A couple of days ago. She got a job offer in Paris and she packed her tiny pants in a bag and bailed.

RORY

What about Gigi?

LORELAI

Left her with Chris.

RORY

No way.

LORELAI

Yeah. He came home, and the nanny handed him a letter.

RORY

I can't believe this! How could she just leave like that?

LORELAI

I have no idea.

RORY

How do you know all this?

LORELAI

He called me.

RORY

When?

LORELAI

Yesterday. He was freaking out because he couldn't stop Gigi from crawling out of her crib, and you know, I do have to hand it to him, he gets extra points for the very original duct taping of the diaper move. That place was a wreck.

RORY

You went over there?

LORELAI

Oh yeah. But I calmed him down, and, you know, we sort of got the place in order and I think everything's going to be okay. I'm going to go back on Monday and just make sure that everyone's still breathing.

RORY

Oh. Well, that's very nice of you.

LORELAI

Well, your dad is going to need a little help being... a dad. ‘Cause, I mean... well he was your dad, so...no newsflash here. But you should see Gigi. She's huge, and gorgeous, and a belcher. (Laughs, Rory looks worried. Maid returns with a phone book.) Oh, great! Dinner is served.

LORELAI

It's a beautiful one and a half mile hike, there's a waterfall around this bend here, and over here are some of the oldest birch trees in the area, a rare butterfly nature preserve is off to the right here – (her phone rings) Oh, excuse me. Michel, would you take over?

MICHEL

Oh, yes. Of course. (She leaves.) Okay, so over here, by this semi-polluted brook, you will find large scary spiders and a fascinating display of poison ivy.

LORELAI

Luke, slow down! ... I can't come now, I'm working. He what? ...Okay, fine. I'm on my way. Yes, I'm running. My feet are going like a cartoon character, there are dust clouds behind me and the background keeps repeating itself. Bye! (Hangs up.)

MICHEL

...which brings you to the rattlesnake curve, where people have actually died painful but very picturesque deaths.

KIRK

Lunch at the Dragonfly! Get your lunch at the Dragonfly! You have not eaten lunch, till you have eaten lunch at the Dragonfly!

LUKE

I mean it, Kirk, get away from here!

KIRK

I am on the sidewalk, Luke! You do not own the sidewalk! The sidewalk is for the common people! The everyman! And every man and every woman would like to have a delicious lunch at the Dragonfly.

LUKE

I'm going to call the cops.

KIRK

Cops get free pie! With lunch at the Dragonfly! (Lorelai comes running up.)

LORELAI

Uh, Kirk, what are you doing? You're a giant hot dog.

KIRK

Technically I'm a giant wiener. The costume tag says “wiener”.

LUKE

Get him away from my diner. I mean it.

KIRK

Don't you worry, Lorelai, I have no intention of abandoning my post, and I will not rest till every single person in Stars Hollow has tried lunch at the Dragonfly!

LORELAI

Kirk, I don't understand this.

KIRK

I'm trying to scrounge up a lunch crowd for you, so I figured I'd go where everybody already has lunch and get them over to you. And I'm doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself!

LORELAI

But who asked you – ugh. Boy. Okay. Luke, I'm very sorry, this won't happen again. Come on, Kirk. I'm sorry, but why a hot dog? The Dragonfly doesn't serve hot dogs.

KIRK

Well, the kiesch made me look fat.

LUKE

If I see him around here again...

LORELAI

You won't. Let's go. (They walk away.)

KIRK

This is as fast as I can go in this outfit.

RORY

Hey, Huntzberger!

LOGAN

Hey! You waiting on me?

RORY

Could be.

LOGAN

Wow, I'm flattered.

RORY

Your prerogative.

LOGAN

You here on business or pleasure?

RORY

I just thought maybe I'd give you a chance to respond to my article?

LOGAN

What article?

RORY

The article I'm doing on the Life and Death Brigade.

LOGAN

Don't really know what you're talking about.

RORY

You don't? Huh. I thought you would. It's a club. One of these super secret, super exclusive clubs here at Yale, membership spans a thousand centuries, secret handshakes and secret sayings, and a lot of running around in circles in your underwear, that kind of thing.

LOGAN

Sounds pretty secret.

RORY

Yeah. Anyhow, I'm doing sort of an expose on this one particular club and I figured, since you're in it, maybe you'd like to have your point of view included.

LOGAN

I'm in it.

RORY

Well aren't you?

LOGAN

I've yet to run around in a circle in my underwear.

RORY

Well. Okay. I mean, I have proof that your grandfather was in it, which means that your father was in it. Which should mean that you're in it. But maybe not. Okay.

LOGAN

Sorry to let you down.

RORY

No let down. It would have been nice, but I have plenty of stuff without you, and I'm sorry to have bothered you.

LOGAN

You have plenty without me, huh?

RORY

Oh yeah! I have the ball gowns, the girl in the gorilla mask, In Omnia Paratus – very fancy catch phrase, by the way – the license plate on the black SUV, and about a dozen other little things. I mean, getting an interview with an actual member would have been great. But I'm okay without it.

LOGAN

Well, great.

RORY

Yep. Plus I'm completely onto your routine now.

LOGAN

Wow.

RORY

Yeah. So I figure I'll just track you, and you'll eventually lead me there anyway. So, hey. I mean it would have been easier if you just would have talked to me now, but I can do it the other way if you want.

LOGAN

The other way.

RORY

Yes.

LOGAN

You tracking me.

RORY

Yes.

LOGAN

Following my every move?

RORY

Yeah.

LOGAN

I pick that way.

RORY

Okay, but –

LOGAN

We can start right now, if you want. I'm heading back to my room, I can keep the window open in case you feel the need to sneak in, and track me from the inside.

RORY

Thanks for the info.

LOGAN

Absolutely. (Turns to leave.) And hey, good luck with that article. Sounds like a hell of a scoop. (Walks away.)

LORELAI

Sookie. What was the first thing we agreed on when we opened the inn?

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

Keep Kirk away from the business. Then I get a call from a not so jolly Luke and I run down there and find a giant hot dog handing out ten percent off flyers for lunch at the Dragonfly.

SOOKIE

Who was the giant hot dog?

LORELAI

Kirk was the giant hot dog.

SOOKIE

I didn't tell him to dress like a giant hot dog. Why would he dress up like a giant hot dog?

LORELAI

Because it's Kirk, Sookie – the giant hot dog suit was a given the minute you talked to Kirk. I don't understand what you were thinking.

SOOKIE

I was thinking we need to drum up some lunch business.

LORELAI

But, there is no lunch.

SOOKIE

Since when?

LORELAI

Since when? Sookie, we all agreed. Ann said.

SOOKIE

I did not agree. I did not agree to stop serving lunch.

LORELAI

Sookie, come on, it's the only thing we can do! We have to. You heard Ann, we can't afford this. Who's all this food for?

SOOKIE

All we need is a little time, and the people are going to come. And I paid Kirk out of my own money, by the way, so you don't have to worry about that.

LORELAI

I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about this.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

What are we going to do with all this food? Who's going to eat it? Why are there seven kitchen people working when the only person out there is Norman Mailer?

SOOKIE

Hey, this is what I do!

LORELAI

Sookie, we're dropping lunch. It's just temporary, but as of now, I'm sorry but it's gone.

SOOKIE

Fine. No lunch. From now on there's no lunch! Everybody stop what you're doing, because as of now there's no more lunch! (She storms out.)

SOOKIE

Boys! Yeah! Sorry to break up the party, but as of now, there's no more lunch! Yeah! It's been cancelled. You happy, Norman Mailer? Huh? Lunch has been cancelled! That means no more iced tea, uh-uh! No more lemon slices! No more hanging out at a restaurant, ordering nothing because you're Norman Mailer and you can! I mean, that's just like me coming into a bookstore, reading your books, without buying them! Hey, can I borrow this? Huh? I'm not going to pay for it, nope. I'm just going to stand here and read! Ooh, yeah. Someone sure likes to use his big words. (Lorelai rushes in.)

LORELAI

Can I get some more iced tea for the table? Excuse me, Mr. Mailer, I'm so terribly sorry. (She pushes Sookie back to the kitchen.)

SOOKIE

Oh, yeah! Yeah! What? What? Ha ha. Yeah, write that down!

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

This is his fault!

LORELAI

It is not his fault!

SOOKIE

He takes up space! He drinks iced tea! He scares the other people off.

LORELAI

Sookie, he does not! Why are you being so nutty about this?

SOOKIE

I don't know! I don't know why I'm getting so nutty about this! I mean, I hear myself getting nutty and I know that there's no one coming for lunch! And I know that Norman Mailer is not responsible for no one coming for lunch! And I tell myself it's just temporary, and there's still dinner, and breakfast, and that's good, and I can do a lot with that, and I try to calm myself down and that just seems to only make me crazier and all I want to do is cry, and scream, and Oh! My God, I'm pregnant!

LORELAI

(gasps)

You're pregnant?

SOOKIE

Ooh, I'm pregnant! (They hug.)

LORELAI

Oh, oh. (Sookie runs into dining room.)

SOOKIE

Norman Mailer! I'm pregnant!

NORMAN MAILER

Congratulations. (She hugs him, giddy, and runs back to the kitchen.)

RORY

(to Paris)

Hey, you okay?

PARIS

Yeah. I think I had some bad host at one of the masses yesterday. (She walks away.)

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Is the hot dog with you?

LORELAI

No, Kirk is at home.

LUKE

Good. Make sure he stays there.

LORELAI

I will. So you still mad at me.

LUKE

Nope.

LORELAI

Seem mad.

LUKE

I'm not mad, just bugged.

LORELAI

Luke, I swear. Kirk will never bother your business on our behalf again.

LUKE

Oh, it's not that.

LORELAI

What then?

LUKE

I've got this table of bozos sitting over there all day long ordering nothing but iced tea. (Lorelai peeks over her shoulder at Norman Mailer and the reporter.)

STEPHEN

Why don't we focus on writing?

NORMAN MAILER

You know, I knew you'd come up with a question like that, it's like, why don't you push my Cadillac for me.

LORELAI

(Laughs) Aw, bummer.

CHRIS

Rory, hey! What are you doing here? I – uh, here. Hey, it's good to see you, kiddo! (Hugs her) Uh, come on in, sit down. Uh, Gigi is asleep, which is basically a miracle, but what the hell, for you I'll wake her up.

RORY

No, that's okay. I can't stay long.

CHRIS

Well, some sit down.

RORY

No, I can't stay.

CHRIS

Okay.

RORY

I don't want you calling Mom anymore.

CHRIS

What?

RORY

I want you to stay away from her.

CHRIS

Rory, I –

RORY

Mom's in a relationship now, and she's doing really great. He's kind, and, well, he's there. And she's happy.

CHRIS

I think that's great, Rory. I –

RORY

You'll mess it up! You'll mess everything up! Because every time you come back, it always ends up the same way. Mom's crying and you're not being there and I know it's not your fault, I know you don't mean it to be that way, but that's how it is.

CHRIS

I just needed some help. That's all.

RORY

Well, next time you need help, call a nanny, or a babysitter, or call me. Just leave Mom alone. I'm sorry, I have to go. Kiss Gigi for me.