T6E10: “He’s Slippin’ ‘Em Bread… Dig?”

LORELAI

Hey.

RORY

[OS from the bathroom]

What?

LORELAI

Make an occasional noise so I know you didn't pull an Elvis.

RORY

[OS]

Just putting the finishing touches on the face.

LORELAI

[snorts]

You're an infant. Hit yourself with a giant powder puff and get out here.

RORY

[OS]

I love this bathroom.

LORELAI

Uh, too much! I need the sink.

RORY

[OS]

You need my sink? What about the other sink?

LORELAI

[gets up and walks to the bathroom door]

Oh! I forgot I had two sinks!

RORY

Well, you do.

LORELAI

Look at this. Two sinks. I'm so decadent. I could brush my teeth over this one and spit into that one.

RORY

This is now my official favourite room in the whole world. Besides the Reading Room at the British Museum. But add a dome ceiling and ten million books and you've got yourself a horse race.

LORELAI

Paul Anka loves this room too.

RORY

[laughs]

You ever hear that tape of him chewing out his band after a show? 'When I move, I slice like a hammer! The guys get shirts!'

LORELAI

That's the human Paul Anka.

RORY

I don't believe the canine version exists.

LORELAI

He is just laying low until he figures out you're not going to break his heart or eat his pig's ears or something.

RORY

Well, the chicken's got to show his face so I can prove myself.

LORELAI

So, what all do you have going on today? Oh, she's already got a list going.

RORY

[reading]

Follow up calls to Yale to make sure I'm all set up for spring semester, four hours of community service - I'm going to try to stretch it to five because I am tantalizingly close to being done - my engine light was on, but I already took care of that -

LORELAI

This morning?

RORY

[noding]

Got to Gypsy's shop before it opened. There was only one other annoying early bird ahead of me, but I bribed Gypsy with a pack of Rolo's and she took me first.

LORELAI

She is such a Rolo whore.

RORY

I've got tons of e-mails to return, and, oh, I've got to get the Eagle-Gazette a bunch of stuff I've written.

LORELAI

Okay. Don't forget to sleep, daughter of mine.

RORY

Eh. And, uh, I've got to unpack and organize everything and that's it, for now.

LORELAI

Okay, but you will have to leave the bathroom to do all that.

RORY

Mm, reluctantly. See you downstairs.[She goes out the room.]

LORELAI

[calling after her as she goes down stairs]

Okay. Hey, you have time to eat and hang out with me, don't you? Is that on your microscopic little list there?

RORY

[OS]

I've timed out the rest of the morning for you.

LORELAI

Good girl!

RORY

[OS, shocked]

Oh! Oh, my God!

LORELAI

What?

RORY

[OS]

Come down here!

LORELAI

I'm coming!

LORELAI

What?

RORY

He has emerged. I'm assuming that's Paul Anka.

LORELAI

Well, it ain't Louis Prima.

RORY

Shoo! Shoo!

LORELAI

What are you doing?

RORY

He shouldn't be on the table.

LORELAI

That's his favorite spot. What are you going to do next, tell him he can't drink out of my water glass?

RORY

Sorry. How should I approach him?

LORELAI

Follow me.

RORY

'Kay.[They slowly go down the stairs.]

LORELAI

Okay, stop. Now go in the kitchen and put sugar on your toes.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

And quickly! Because first impressions are crucial and you're blowing it big time.

RORY

Sugar on my toes?

LORELAI

Yes, he loves sugar, so the first time you come close to him, if you've got sugar on your toes that he can lick and enjoy, you're in.

RORY

He's going to lick it?

LORELAI

Go, quick!

RORY

Okay. [Running to the kitchen, stops at the sink and takes off her shoes.]

LORELAI

[OS]

Wet your toes first so it sticks!

RORY

What?

LORELAI

[OS]

Dry sugar on a dry toe isn't going to work!

RORY

Oh, jeez. [Turns on the tap and moistens a paper towel to wet her foot, then tips sugar on it, spilling some on the floor.] I'm making a mess.

LORELAI

[OS]

Don't worry about the mess!

RORY

We're going to have ants!

LORELAI

[OS]

Hurry!

RORY

I'm coming!

RORY

Okay, my toes are all sugared.

LORELAI

Okay, good! Now do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around.

RORY

[wary]

What?

LORELAI

All you have to do is pet him and you're in!

RORY

You're evil.

LORELAI

Yes, I am.

RORY

[petting him]

Hey, there, boy! Oh, that tickles!

LORELAI

Well, he's glad you're here! Wait a minute, you're here!

RORY

I know!

LORELAI

Wait right there.

RORY

Is this another trick?

LORELAI

No, I'm just getting something. [The “Bop-it” toy makes a noise.]

RORY

You're pulling out the Bop-it? You're already that bored of me?

LORELAI

[returns with a hat box]

No. I just accidentally hit the Bop-it while I was getting this.

RORY

You bought me a hat?

LORELAI

No, it's a hat box, filled with these. [Opening it she and gets out some bits of paper.] These are notes, written on whatever I had on hand at the time. Any time I had a topic I wanted to share with you or a random thought during that crappy time apart of ours, I jotted it down and threw it in the hat box so I wouldn't forget.

RORY

Really?

LORELAI

I missed you, kid.

RORY

Missed you too. [Smiling at each other.] So, hit me with 'em!

LORELAI

While we walk to Luke's. Come on. Some of these are pretty cryptic. [Reading]: Um, Lenny Kravitz - where did Lenny Kravitz -

LORELAI

Yes! One hit and he's buying a Fifth Avenue mansion.

RORY

Maybe he went through Nicole Kidman's wallet when she wasn't looking.

LORELAI

That's got to be it. [Reading another bit of paper] Computer MP down - oh. I want to download music. There's so much out there. Can you help me figure that out? MP3 players?

RORY

I can do that. Next?

LORELAI

Eh, Kirk skeet shooting.

RORY

That's a bad combination.

LORELAI

Yeah, it's the first time the town church has taken gunfire since the eighteenth century.

RORY

I missed so much so quickly!

LORELAI

Okay. Babette - cats.

RORY

Death?

LORELAI

No.

RORY

Adopted another one?

LORELAI

No.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Recorded their meows, did some editing and cut a record of them singing Ring of Fire.

RORY

Well, that goes straight to the top of my charts.

LORELAI

Oh, I started reading Beowulf, that new translation you recommended.

RORY

The Seamus Heaney? Good for you.

LORELAI

Yeah. And stopped reading Beowulf, jotted on the same slip three minutes later.

RORY

Well, you gave it the old college try.

LORELAI

Oh, this is a new one! Kirk's got a new hobby. He's doing -

RORY

[together]

Doing Tai Chi?

LORELAI

How'd you know that?

RORY

Because he's doing it right there.

LORELAI

Is it possible for him to do something without looking a little silly?

RORY

He wouldn't be Kirk then.

LORELAI

[reading]

Bendleshnitz? [She shrugs.]

RORY

That's not English.

LORELAI

I know. I'll add it to the ones that I can't make out. And - [reading another] - brazzlefrat.

RORY

Another unreadable one.

LORELAI

They're stacking up! [As they reach Luke's, Lorelai takes Rory’s hand.] Okay. Now wait out here.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

It's a thing. A moment thing. Just wait here.

RORY

Okay.

LUKE

Hey!

LORELAI

You ready?

LUKE

For what?

LORELAI

For this! The moment you've all been waiting for! [She vibrates her tongue.] Brrrr!

LUKE

What's that?

LORELAI

It's a drum roll.

LUKE

It sounded more like a helicopter.

LORELAI

Well, it's a drum roll, go with it, okay? [Luke murmurs his agreement.] Ladies and gentlemen, Rory Gilmore! [She opens the door.]

RORY

[entering]

Hi Luke!

LUKE

Hey, Rory, you're back! [They hug, awkwardly.]

RORY

I'm back!

LUKE

Good! You look good. You look healthy, happy. Huh, here with your mom, both of you here. Yeah, it's great, you know! Yay! [Awkward pause.] I don't think I've ever said 'yay' before. Sounded weird.

LORELAI

A little.

LUKE

Come, sit, sit.

RORY

What was that sound you were making?

LORELAI

A drum roll!

RORY

It sounded like a helicopter or something.

LUKE

That's what I said.

LORELAI

Has no one heard a drum roll before?

LUKE

Hey, I saved you the best table in case you showed up.

RORY

In case? It was mandatory.

LUKE

What can I get you? Ah, never mind. I'm going to bring you everything you like. I know what you like.

RORY

Sounds good.

LORELAI

Oh, hey! You were with me when I wrote this. [Holding up a notes.] Uh, what does it say?

LUKE

[takes the note]

Oh, this is from that stupid Mexican restaurant we went to.

LORELAI

Right. I wrote something on the other side.

LUKE

Man, this place stunk!

LORELAI

I know, but read the back, there. I've got to know what it says.

LUKE

Look what we paid! Unbelievable.

LORELAI

Downright usurious! Now look at the other side, there. The brazzelfrat?

LUKE

They did charge me for that second beer! I never got it.

LORELAI

Scandalous. But the other side.

LUKE

Six bucks for guacamole.

LORELAI

[takes the paper back]

Oh, just bring me what she's having.

LUKE

Coming right up. [He turns to leave.]

RORY

So, Luke, wait! You haven't told me anything about yourself. What's new with you?

LUKE

With me? Uh, nothing. We're engaged, your mom and me.

RORY

I know that, but anything else?

LUKE

No. No, why?

RORY

Just wondering.

LUKE

What have you heard?

RORY

Nothing. That's why I'm asking.

LUKE

Well, there's your answer. Nothing. Nothing's new. [Nods.] I'm going to go put in your order, okay?

RORY

Sure.

LORELAI

We'll be waiting hungrily!

RORY

Did I inadvertently step into something there?

LORELAI

No idea.

LANE

Mother and daughter, together again, and all is right with the world. Hi, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hi, Lane.

LANE

[to Rory]

So. Next Wednesday night, I need you. Tell me you're not busy.

RORY

I'm not sure, why?

LANE

We're doing a showcase. Me and the band. Not a gig, a showcase. And a label's going to be there. [Lorelai eagerly gasps.] I'm shaking! I shouldn't shake, I'm a drummer! It'll mess up the beat. But, my God, we're playing for a label.

RORY

Wow! Lane, I'm absolutely there. This is big!

LANE

Very big. Unless it's a 'Waiting for Guffman' thing and the label guys don't show up. Did I just jinx it?

RORY

I don't know. Let's do that un-jinxing thing we used to do, just in case.

LANE

Good.

LORELAI

Hey, I want to do that!

RORY

It's a serious thing, Mom! You don't just do it.

LORELAI

Sorry.

RORY

Well, Lane, you guys are so prepared for this. That tape you gave me of your new stuff was awesome!

LORELAI

Hey, what if I jinx it! Do I get to do the un-jinxing thing then?

LANE

If we jinx-back a second time within the hour, it cancels out the first jinx-back.

LORELAI

Sorry.

LANE

So, what were your favorites on the tape?

RORY

Well, 'Melissa' was catchy, and 'Colleen Francine'. But that other one - 'Rebecca in the morning'? That was my favorite.

LANE

Mine too!

RORY

Zach's into songs with girl's names, huh?

LANE

He thinks that's our best shot at radio play. Worked for the Police, the Knack, Franz Ferdinand.

RORY

Good thinking.

LANE

Hey. Do you want to be our DA Pennebaker? We're borrowing a video camera, and we need someone sober to do the photography.

RORY

I could set my crack pipe aside for the night and do that.

LANE

Thanks! [Taking out her notepad.] You plus one, right?

RORY

Plus one?

LANE

You plus Logan?

RORY

No. Just me.

LANE

Oh, okay. How about you, Lorelai?

LORELAI

Working that night, sweetie, but break a leg. Does that get me a hand thingy?

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Rats.

LANE

See you guys.

LORELAI

So, just you, huh?

RORY

Just me.

LORELAI

Okay!

RORY

As long as you're prying -

LORELAI

I wasn't.

RORY

Briefly, succinctly, Logan and I are not talking right now.

LORELAI

Ah.

RORY

We had a fight. A big one, in public.

LORELAI

Oops.

RORY

I think we just needed a little break, a least I did. It's more like a hiatus.

LORELAI

Well, sometimes a break is good.

RORY

Sometimes.

LUKE

Food. First wave only. Second wave, five minutes.

RORY

Let's dig in.

LORELAI

[eagerly]

I hope it's not cold. Oops, I think I jinxed it!

LORELAI

Woo!

SOOKIE

Okay, where's the onions for my sauce? Who's my onion man?

CARL

Right here, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Okay, right here, Carl. I need them right there. Okay? Get the shallots in it. It's time. It's time! [She tastes a sauce.] Okay. Needs more garlic. Come on. Godfather it up for me. [To the woman chopping herbs] Good! Good, good, good. Good, good. Okay. If you can travel back in time and make me not make the veal and ham pate, I'd appreciate it. Talk me out of these things in the future, guys.

LORELAI

[comes up behind her]

Hello!

SOOKIE

Hello!

LORELAI

Could you step away from the pan, please?

SOOKIE

Honey, do you see a joystick? This is not a game. Okay? It's a heche sauce and it's for keeps!

LORELAI

Put it down!

SOOKIE

[turns to Lorelai]

Okay! What?

LORELAI

[calling]

Okay!

SOOKIE

[hugs Rory]

Oh, my God!

RORY

Hi Sookie!

SOOKIE

You're here! You're with us! Oh, look, I missed you!

RORY

I missed you!

SOOKIE

[gasps, to Lorelai]

This means you can set a wedding date. No impediments!

LORELAI

Yeah. I already told Luke.

SOOKIE

[breathless]

Hyperventilating! [She gives a thumbs-up signal to Rory and Lorelai how look worried.] Hyperventilating! I was just working on my list of what to make for Thanksgiving and I was wishing you were going to be here and now you are! [Still gasping] Oh my God! What if what I'm wishing for is actually coming true?

LORELAI

Quick! Wish for a Sephora to be built within walking distance.

RORY

Do you need a paper bag?

SOOKIE

I'm good, I'm good. Just happy. [She sighs. Michel enters.]

MICHEL

[smiles cheerfully]

Rory!

RORY

[amazed]

Oh, hi! Wow, Michel.

MICHEL

[back to serious voice]

Hi.

LORELAI

Boy, that was weird.

MICHEL

She just surprised me, that's all. [To Rory] It's kind of okay that you are here.

RORY

It's kind of okay with me too.

SOOKIE

[shouting suddenly]

Lunch!

RORY

What?

SOOKIE

[points at Rory forcefully]

Lunch! I'm making you lunch!

RORY

But we just -

LORELAI

Don't fight it.

SOOKIE

It just came to me. Kebabs. Okay, drop everything, boys! We're making kebabs for Rory, and pot stickers! Okay, throw everything out. This is a celebration! Woo!

LORELAI

Let's get to higher ground.

ZACH

Okay, we're opening with Melissa, closing with Dear Maureen. Those are great bookends, it's the middle part that's screwing us up.

GIL

Aw, man, I wish we had one more ballad.

ZACH

I'm half finished with one, but it's not going to be ready in time. [Singing] I saw her, in the mist she came walking by, Stella. Now a blur, made a list of what I like about her, Stella.

BRIAN

Cool!

GIL

Yeah! It's got a nice Fountains of Wayne meets the Shins crossed with Odyssey-era Zombies, and a mix of early Who and mid-to-late-era Replacements vibe to it.

ZACH

Well, that's what I was going for. Still hunting for that middle eight, you know?

LANE

So, um, it's called Stella?

ZACH

Yeah, I guess. Didn't you like it?

LANE

No, it's good. It's just - it's another girl's name.

ZACH

So?

GIL

If he were singing about dudes, I'd be out the door before you could say 'See ya'!

ZACH

Look, Lane, you know how I write. I think about people that I've known and I draw inspiration from that.

LANE

I know, it's just, no big deal or anything, but have you ever thought to write one about, I don't know, a girl named Lane?

ZACH

Well, Lane just isn't that great of a name for a song.

LANE

But you've already got one called Lorraine. Lorraine is pretty much Lane with an extra syllable thrown in.

ZACH

True, but nothing rhymes with Lane.

LANE

I'm sorry, but a million things rhyme with Lane.

ZACH

Yeah, rain. Pain. All cliché stuff. You're not a writer.

BRIAN

I think you could come up with non-cliché stuff to rhyme with Lane.

ZACH

Wait, maybe I could write one about your Korean name. What was that again?

LANE

Hyung-hyung?

ZACH

[cringes]

O for two. Look, it's not your fault. You didn't pick your name, your mom did.

LANE

Right. I didn't pick it.

ZACH

Okay, so. Where were we? Oh. Lorraine. Where should Lorraine go?

GIL

Try it after Rebecca.

BRIAN

It's not as good a transition as going from Rebecca to Linda Marie.

ZACH

True is true.

GIL

Man. I wish Stella was ready.

RORY

Three days.

LORELAI

Three days he had the hiccups.

RORY

Poor Paul Anka.

LORELAI

And by sneaking up on him to scare them out of him, he jumped so high, his head split my lip. See the red? My blood.

RORY

Yuck.

LORELAI

Oh. Um, here's a non-fun one. Just to mix it up a little.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Your dad called.

RORY

Wow. It's been, like a year, hasn't it? When did he call?

LORELAI

The very worst possible time.

RORY

[rolls eyes]

He's got a knack for that.

LORELAI

I didn't talk to him. He left a message, some of which Luke overheard and it freaked him out.

RORY

That's understandable.

LORELAI

And we argued, see? Arguing’s not just for the younger demographic.

RORY

Nice to know.

LORELAI

But then we made up and we had a good talk and then I listened to the rest of Christopher's message and he wants to see me.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

He didn't say. He sounded very chipper. He said he had something very important to discuss with me, and that it wasn't a trick, and that it was an absolute one hundred percent positive thing for me and for you.

RORY

For both of us.

LORELAI

Mm-hm.

RORY

Meaning there's a ninety-nine and ninety-nine one hundredths percent chance that it won't be.

LORELAI

I guess so. So what should I do?

RORY

You could ignore him.

LORELAI

That's dangerous, too.

RORY

It's a slippery slope with Dad.

LORELAI

What could it be about? I mean, he wouldn't dare be in cahoots with Emily and Richard on something, would he?

RORY

He's not that dumb.

LORELAI

Yeah, but he's vulnerable. They prey on the weak.

RORY

But he said it's something positive. It couldn't involve them.

LORELAI

Maybe he's getting back together with his wife.

RORY

Well, that's not technically good news for us, it's just news.

LORELAI

Maybe it's about Gigi. Maybe he's discovered she's a prodigy. Maybe he's calling to invite us to her premiere at Carnegie Hall.

RORY

Playing what instrument?

LORELAI

The flugle horn.

RORY

She's three. We would have read about it in the paper by now. 'Freakishly talented three-year-old flugle horn prodigy discovered'.

LORELAI

It would be very positive news.

RORY

Hm. Well, I'm out.

LORELAI

Me too. '

RORY

I guess there's only one way to find out.

LORELAI

Guess so. [groaning] Brazzlefrat.

RORY

Bendleschnitz.

LIZ

Thank you so much, big brother. What a godsend you are.

LUKE

Yeah. God sent me to help you and now he must pay.

LIZ

[to a customer]

You know, I've never made dinner for twelve people before. Actually I've never made dinner before. See, I'm making rolls for my thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and I just don't have the oven space. Or the oven.

LUKE

Just hurry, Liz.

LIZ

[to the same customer]

See, I've got a convection oven and a microwave, and that's going to take care of everything else. See, I'm a student of Martha. You know Martha Stewart? She's a genius.

LUKE

Don't bother the customers, Liz.

LIZ

You know, they're all Renaissance Faire people coming to this thing, Luke. You know some of them.

LUKE

Goody.

LIZ

Larry with the 'Kill 'em all' tattoo on his face, and Freddy, the guy who doesn't have thumbs.

LUKE

Don't tell me, he's hitch hiking in.

LIZ

[laughing]

You're funny. Really, Luke, I'm calling you Yakov from now on!

LUKE

Just try not to be too intrusive, please, Liz?

LIZ

Yes, sir! [She hits the package on the counter over and over again.] Hey, that's fun!

LUKE

Okay. This is not what I call not being intrusive.

LIZ

Okay, I know this. Two 'not's is a double negative which makes it a positive, and - you know what, this is where I always lose my train of thought.

LUKE

You're intruding.

LIZ

Is this one roll? It's crazy!

LUKE

You separate 'em.

LIZ

Oh, boy. My carpal tunnel. That's going to make doing this impossible. [To the customer] Hey, do you mind giving me a hand? [Luke takes the package from Liz.] No, you don't have to do that!

LUKE

Yes, I do.

LIZ

If you insist. [Luke begins to separate the dough and places it on the tray.] I'll, uh, grab me a cup of coffee.

LANE

So, Sophie, you've done, like, big show gigs before playing the piano. Any advice?

SOPHIE

Don't wear a clown suit.

LANE

Thanks.

ZACH

[touching a guitar]

Still got my eye on this beauty.

SOPHIE

Just don't put your hand on it.

ZACH

Maybe I'll splurge and get it. You take MasterCard?

SOPHIE

Why, you got one?

ZACH

Just waiting to hear back on the application.

SOPHIE

Keep moving.

ZACH

[sees a wireless headset microphones]

Oh! Cool! We should all get these.

LANE

Wireless mikes?

BRIAN

Isn't that too Gwen Stefani?

ZACH

Not if we wear 'em. It'll be totally Peter Gabriel.

ZACH

Hey, dude. That doesn't sound too bad. What is it?

BRIAN

Oh, just a song I've been working on. I don't know if it's any good or not.

ZACH

Chords are good. Any lyrics?

BRIAN

Some. It's called Lane.

ZACH

It's called Lane?

LANE

[pleased]

Who, me, Lane?

BRIAN

Yeah. We were talking about songs and Lane yesterday and I just got inspired.

ZACH

[not pleased]

Inspired, huh?

LANE

[happy]

That's nice! Thanks, Brian!

SOPHIE

Doesn't make me want to be violently ill.

LANE

High praise.

BRIAN

Yeah! Thanks, Sophie!

LANE

[to Zach]

We can learn it next week.

ZACH

[getting bothered]

Look, we came to get picks. Let's get picks, okay?

CHRIS

Lorelai. Over here. I snagged the best table in the house.

LORELAI

You slip the guy a buck?

CHRIS

I had to get my fifty cents change. Hey.

LORELAI

Hey, Chris. [They hug.]

CHRIS

[looking at Lorelai]

I don't know how you do it, I mean, you always look -

LORELAI

Yeah, well, I get the girls from the Wash & Brush Up company from the Wizard of Oz working for me now.

CHRIS

[chuckles]

Good deal. [They sit down.] So, uh, how's our Rory?

LORELAI

Oh, she's good. She's, um, you know. Great. Very busy.

CHRIS

As per usual.

LORELAI

She took a little time off Yale.

CHRIS

[pauses]

And the Apocalypse is this week? Next week?

LORELAI

She's back there and she's thriving. She'll be running the world one day.

CHRIS

[worried]

You sure?

LORELAI

She's doing great. Trust me.

CHRIS

I do.

LORELAI

So?

CHRIS

So.

LORELAI

What's going on?

CHRIS

Wouldn't you like to know?

LORELAI

Christopher.

CHRIS

This is the funniest thing I've got to do in years. Years! All right? Let me, let me savour it.

LORELAI

Come on! Tell me. What?

CHRIS

My grandfather died.

LORELAI

[puzzled]

Um, that's fun how?

CHRIS

Well, that's not the fun part. The old man was ninety eight, long life, great life. His last words were an inappropriate pass at the nurse tending to him. Pretty good one, too. I made a mental note of it.

LORELAI

So your grandfather died.

CHRIS

Well, the old guy was actually pretty cool, and for some reason he always liked me. And he was the Hayden with the purse strings. Long story short, I'm rich.

LORELAI

You're rich!

CHRIS

Ridiculously. I mean, I'm not Bill Gates by a long shot, but I've got money! Can you stand it?

LORELAI

[bemused]

Good, Chris. That's good.

CHRIS

And I want to share it. I've set Gigi up with funds for private nursery school and prep school and college and grad school and post-grad school and Ph.D. school and a wedding and a divorce if she wants it, and another wedding or she can buy a bunch of cats and a lifetime supply of Twizzlers and popcorn if that's her choice. But she's all set, and now I want to take care of you. You and Rory.

LORELAI

[shakes her head]

Oh. Oh, Chris, I don't know what to say.

CHRIS

What do you want? A car? How about a Bentley? They're pretty sweet. Or a new house? Or a tract of land to build a new house? I can do that. I can buy you a tract.

LORELAI

Christopher -

CHRIS

Or is there someone you hate that you'd like to say 'I can buy and sell you' to? Because you can have the funds to make that happen. You can crush people with money. You want some people-crushing money?

LORELAI

Oh, Chris, slow down, here.

CHRIS

Come on, everybody needs something!

LORELAI

Including you. Don't forget yourself.

CHRIS

Ah, I bought a new bike, I bought a giant audio system. I'm done. What else do I want? Nothing.

LORELAI

Buy yourself a tract of land.

CHRIS

Come on. Let me give you something. A castle in Ireland? A Civil War cannon. A brewery. Yeah! Buy a brewery! That would be cool! You could brew your own beer!

LORELAI

You know, I had a brewery for a while, but I couldn't stand the smell of hops.

CHRIS

Pay off something. Your house. Outstanding bills. Your bookie. Something. Pay off Yale. Pay off your back taxes.

LORELAI

I don't owe any back taxes.

CHRIS

Oh, right, that's me.

LORELAI

Look, Chris, you're very nice to offer, and I love that you're so excited about it. It's great to see you like this. But I'm fine.

CHRIS

You're too un-materialistic. You know, I've always thought that.

LORELAI

If it makes you feel any better, I'll talk to Rory. See if she wants a brewery or a Bentley.

CHRIS

Or a castle! Don't forget the castle.

LORELAI

[smiles]

I'll mention the castle.

CHRIS

And it doesn't have to be in Ireland. It can be in Germany, Czech Republic, Scotland, Narnia.

LORELAI

I'll leave nothing out.

CHRIS

Okay. So, you hungry?

LORELAI

A little.

CHRIS

Eh, let's eat. [He chuckles.] I'm paying for lunch!

BRIAN

This is the first club I ever went to. I was underage and snuck in and saw Granddaddy in one of their first concerts.

LANE

Cool.

GIL

I remember once throwing up in that corner, and some dude slipped in and had to go to the hospital, and I stole the chick he was with and shacked up with her for like a week and a half.

LANE

Another fun memory.

GARY

[off stage]

How about it, guys? You about ready to do this?

LANE

Just a few more minutes, Gary.

BRIAN

Where's Zach?

LANE

I don't know. He's coming separately.

GIL

Here he is. [Zach comes on stage.] Where you been, man?

ZACH

What? Are we punching time cards now?

BRIAN

You almost missed sound check!

ZACH

Well, almost means I didn't miss it. Just set up your amp, okay?

BRIAN

Whatever.

ZACH

But not there. I'm not liking the setup here.

GIL

This is how we always set up.

ZACH

That's why it looks stale. Do you want it to look stale?

LANE

No, we don't want that!

ZACH

We're going to need room for the new guy, too.

BRIAN

New guy?

LANE

What new guy?

ZACH

Hey, Joel! Come over here, buddy. [Joel enters.] This is Joel. He's going to sit in on tambourine.

JOEL

How you doing?

LANE

Good, Joel. Um, we added a new guy?

GIL

On tambourine?

ZACH

He's going to fill out our sound.

GIL

But the only reason to have a tambourine is if it's being played by a hot chick. No offense, Joel, but you're not a hot chick.

ZACH

Yo! Gary! [Holding up the wireless mike.] See this? Remember it. It's mine. I don't want it sucked into the club's gear when I'm not looking.

GARY

What, the Gwen Stefani mike?

ZACH

It's not a Gwen Stefani mike. And don't take it.

LANE

You bought that mike?

ZACH

It means I can crowd surf. The audience loves that.

JOEL

They do. They love crowd surfing. Dig.

ZACH

Figure I'll stage side right after our guitar solo.

LANE

Hey, can I talk to you for a second? [Pulling him to one side.] What is wrong with you?

ZACH

Nothing. Why?

LANE

You added a band member without telling us?

ZACH

Well, it's my band, right?

LANE

Uh, no, actually, we're supposed to be a democracy.

ZACH

Is this coming from Brian?

LANE

No, it's coming from me! I'm just - concerned.

ZACH

Well don't be. And don't be a huge mega bummer before our big show. That's not cool.

LANE

Okay, I'm sorry.

RORY

Hello?

PARIS

[in the newspaper room at Yale Daily]

Hey, it's me.

RORY

Who's me?

PARIS

Oh my God. You don't recognize your best friend's voice.

RORY

Sorry, Paris. There's noise here.

PARIS

So, I'm returning your call.

RORY

Thanks! I just wanted to tell you something. [Rolling her tongue.] Brrrr! I'm coming back to Yale!

PARIS

What was that sound?

RORY

That was a drum roll.

PARIS

You really had to drum roll that? Of course you're coming back. What are you going to do without a college degree? Drive a forklift?

RORY

Well, I was calling to ask you if you could keep your eyes and ears open for a place for me to live.

PARIS

Mid-year like this, it's going to be tough.

RORY

I'm not picky. Plus I want to come back to the Yale Daily News. That's a given. Where are you right now, by the way?

PARIS

I'm here. At the Daily News.

RORY

By yourself?

PARIS

No, everyone's here. I just like a super-quiet atmosphere. No extraneous talking, and I've even had the computer keyboards deadened.

RORY

So they're getting no break for Thanksgiving?

PARIS

I put up a fold-out paper turkey and I laid out some Oscar Meyer.

RORY

Nice. Well, keep an eye out for a place for me, okay?

PARIS

Will do. See you.

RORY

Thanks. Bye. [To Lorelai] So? No sign of crying or hair being pulled out. The thing with Dad went okay?

LORELAI

It was fine. He was telling the truth. There was nothing too horrible. Except for the frings.

RORY

The what?

LORELAI

Oh, the combo basket of fries and onion rings. Good in theory, but -

RORY

So what did he want to talk to you about?

LORELAI

Well, his grandfather died.

RORY

[understanding]

Oh.

LORELAI

Apparently it was one of those un-sad deaths. Like Buddy Hackett.

RORY

No-one was sad about Buddy Hackett?

LORELAI

No one I saw on the news. Anyway, he left Chris money. A lot of money. And now he's offering to shower us with it. You want a Bentley?

RORY

I don't think so.

LORELAI

How about a castle?

RORY

What would I do with a castle?

LORELAI

I'm simply relaying the offer.

RORY

Dad should keep the money for himself.

LORELAI

Are you sure there's nothing you want? A brewery, a Faberge egg, or let's see, what else did he mention? Um, paying for Yale through a Ph.D., uh, vacations, a cannon from the Civil War - functioning, by the way, so it's not just show. It seemed like the sky was the limit, although he didn't mention the Hoover Dam, so maybe there is a cap of some sort.

RORY

Actually, I think maybe there is something I'd want.

LORELAI

Really? Okay, what?

RORY

I would maybe let him pay for Yale.

LORELAI

Seriously?

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

Wow.

RORY

Unless it's too much.

LORELAI

I think it was the cheapest of all the things he mentioned.

RORY

It's just that there would be residual benefits. It would get me out from under Grandma and Grandpa's thumb, which sounds really good to me right now.

LORELAI

Well. I can't say I don't relate.

RORY

I don't want them to be holding anything over my head. I don't want to owe them anything. There's too much pressure. Too much expected. There are too many strings with these people.

LORELAI

[holds up her hands to stop her]

Okay. I'm getting very uncomfortable with the Freaky Friday moment we've got going on here, 'cause it means I have to go to Yale, you have to run the inn, and oh, God, I don't even like thinking about what it would mean for Luke.

RORY

It's feeling better by the second, this idea.

LORELAI

You do understand, you'd basically be cutting Mom and Dad off.

RORY

You don't know what it was like to be living there.

LORELAI

[insulted]

Hello, oppressed one, class of eighty-five!

RORY

But you got out.

LORELAI

No, no. You were only there for three months. You're not in my league. We can't swap war stories yet.

RORY

They had their Reverend come over to talk me out of having sex. They never did that to you.

LORELAI

Five times they did that to me! The last time they triple-teamed me with a priest, a rabbi and a Mormon missionary. I made so many jokes that night, I should have had a microphone and a brick wall behind me. And I never got a forty thousand dollar sex house.

RORY

[frowns]

A what?

LORELAI

You don't want to know.

RORY

Look. I know it's a slippery slope. Dad is Dad.

LORELAI

Yes, he is.

RORY

But I'm pretty sure I want to do this.

LORELAI

Well, if you're sure, you're sure. We'll call him.

RORY

We'll call him.

LORELAI

He's going to be happy!

RORY

Not as happy as me.

LORELAI

Good.

LANE

Hey. Hey!

RORY

[standing up]

Wow! You look almost intimidatingly cool.

LANE

Thanks.

RORY

Everyone ready?

LANE

Pretty much, although sound check was a little weird.

RORY

Well, you know what they say. Weird sound check, good gig.

LANE

[nodding]

Who says that?

RORY

Well, just me. But I'm hoping it'll catch on.

LANE

See those two guys? Those are the label guys.

RORY

Oh. I'll be careful not to hurt them when I start violently slam-dancing. You're going to be great.

LANE

Thanks. I should get back there. We have this pre-show thing we always do.

RORY

Good luck! [She sits down and Lane goes backstage.]

ZACH

Test. Test. Test. [angry.] Monitor check! Monitor check! Test! Test! Test! Test! Where'd they get these monitors, the Kremlin? Test! Test!

GIL

It's your wireless mic, dude. It's not working.

ZACH

Well, did somebody touch it? Because it was working before.

LANE

[entering]

One minute, guys.

ZACH

Who says one minute? We go on when we go on! No-one tells Axl Rose when he goes on, he goes on when he feels like it.

BRIAN

You're comparing yourself to Axl Rose?

ZACH

Don't get in my face, Brian.

BRIAN

I'm not.

ZACH

Go write some more songs if you've got a problem.

ANNOUNCER

[OS]

All right! Welcome to the New Deck!

ZACH

[balling up a piece of paper and it throwing away]

Listen, we're throwing out the set list.

LANE

What?

ZACH

Keep up. I'm going to be calling out tunes like Jack White.

BRIAN

But we rehearsed in this order. We've got transitions.

ZACH

Yeah! REO Speedwagon had transitions, too! You want to be REO Speedwagon? We should have brought the smoke machine!

ANNOUNCER

We've got a special showcase for you tonight. Give it up for Connecticut's own Hep Alien!

LANE

Wait, wait, we didn't do our lucky pre-show thing!

GIL

Lane, count it down!

BRIAN

What are we playing?

LANE

Yeah, what are we playing?

ZACH

Check, one, two, check, check!

GIL

Dude, what are we playing?

ZACH

I need to be hotter in the monitor, Gary! Wake up, dude!

BRIAN

Come on, let's start!

JOEL

Hey, I know that guy.

ZACH

We'll start when I'm ready. This is my stage.

GIL

Come on, let's do Rebecca.

ZACH

[into the mic]

Just hang on, it's worth waiting around to see the band that's going to get the biggest record deal in history.

GIL

This is pathetic.

MAN IM AUDIENCE

You guys suck!

WOMAN IN AUDIENCE

Freebird!

ZACH

Hey! Knock it off.

BRIAN

Knock what off?

ZACH

You know what you're doing! Get back to your mike. [He kicks toward Brian.] Get back!

LANE

[disgusted]

Zach!

GIL

Don't kick him.

ZACH

Get off my stage if you've got a problem! Nobody's going to tell me what to do on my stage with my band!

GIL

[to Joel]

Dude, you need to find another place to stand. I'm not going to tell you again.

BRIAN

If he moves, he's going to block Lane.

ZACH

Oh, yeah, you don't want Lane blocked, do you?

MAN IN AUDIENCE

Come on!

ZACH

This is a song called Stella.

LANE

We haven't learned that song!

BRIAN

Let's go back to the set list!

ZACH

[takes off his guitar]

No, we're not going to do that. I'm here to destroy the system so stay out of my way! [He kicks toward Brian again.]

GIL

Hey!

ZACH

And you don't need to -

ZACH

Dude broke my wireless mike.

LANE

Zach. What is wrong with you?

ZACH

Nothing.

LANE

Nothing! This was a disaster. The guys from the label were there! They showed up! It was our shot! We worked so hard to get to this point, and we blew our big shot! [Almost crying] What the hell is wrong with you? [Zach shrugs.] You let me down tonight. You let down Gil, you let down Brian -

ZACH

I don't want to hear about Brian!

LANE

[pleading]

Zach!

ZACH

This is what it is, okay? Maybe this is why people in bands shouldn't date.

LANE

[shocked]

Yeah. [She starts crying and nods.] I guess so.

CHRIS

Hey, guys!

LORELAI

Happy Thanksgiving!

RORY

Hey, Dad!

CHRIS

God, I've missed you! Have you grown? She's grown!

LORELAI

Only in my estimation.

CHRIS

I, I cannot tell you how jazzed I am to see you on Thanksgiving! You know, we've never seen each other on Thanksgiving.

LORELAI

Oh, God, is that true?

RORY

I think so.

CHRIS

I know so. So, uh, what's this about?

LORELAI

I filled Rory in. I mentioned the brewery, and the castle.

CHRIS

The Oompa Loompas?

LORELAI

Those too. And, um - well, you want to take it?

RORY

Dad, I - I thought about it, and Mom and I talked about it, and I think it would be really great if you could pay for Yale.

CHRIS

[happy]

Absolutely, absolutely! Nothing would make me happier.

RORY

Good. Thank you.

CHRIS

I am there, I am so there.

LORELAI

That's great.

CHRIS

Let me pay for Chilton too.

LORELAI

Well, that's already taken care of.

RORY

You know, Yale's kind of expensive.

CHRIS

But I'm loaded - didn't you tell her? I'm loaded!

LORELAI

I told her.

CHRIS

So, how do I do this? Do I give you the cash, or do I pay Yale? Do they take checks or does it have to be a money order? What is a money order anyway? I mean, how is it different from a check? Isn't a check a piece of paper forwarding money? What's the difference?

LORELAI

Whoa, Chris, slow down.

CHRIS

This makes me so happy, I can't tell you, Rory.

RORY

It means a lot to me, Dad. This was excellent timing, believe me.

CHRIS

Well, it means more to me.

RORY

This is the paper in Stamford. Excuse me.

CHRIS

Hey, try to steal a pie on the way out.

RORY

Okay. [She goes outside to answer the call.]

CHRIS

Thanks for making this happen, Lor.

LORELAI

Hey, it wasn't me. It's what she wanted.

CHRIS

Well, thanks for giving her the choice.

LORELAI

My pleasure.

CHRIS

So can I ask you something?

LORELAI

Sure.

CHRIS

It involves the E word and the R word.

LORELAI

Please, let's not discuss evolution or recycling. They're just too hot-button.

CHRIS

Weren't Emily and Richard paying for Yale?

LORELAI

Yes, they were.

CHRIS

Something going on there?

LORELAI

Everything's fine.

CHRIS

Why'd she take time off? What happened there?

LORELAI

It's - it's a long story. Listen, Chris, just so we're clear -

CHRIS

We're clear. I'm providing. That's it. I'm just doing what I should have done years ago.

LORELAI

Good.

CHRIS

And it will remain good. Honest.

LORELAI

[satisfied]

Okay.

CHRIS

[reluctantly]

So how long have you been engaged?

LORELAI

[sighs]

Who told you?

CHRIS

[laughing]

Your finger.

LORELAI

Oh. [She looks down at the ring.] Blabbermouth.

CHRIS

It's a good thing. I want you happy, I always have.

LORELAI

I know, thank you.

CHRIS

But, this isn't going to be a weird thing with you and him, is it? My paying for Yale.

LORELAI

No, it's not going to be.

CHRIS

Well, cool. You're getting a Rolls for a wedding present, you know.

LORELAI

Cool, I should register for a driver to go with it.

CHRIS

Well, yeah, they're too big to drive by yourself.

LORELAI

No, God, you've got to have somebody drive you.

LUKE

Bye, now. Have a nice - [Hearing a crash in the kitchen.] - Thanksgiving. Huh? [He goes to the kitchen see what happened. Liz comes out with a tray of burnt food.]

LIZ

My rolls exploded!

LUKE

What do you mean, they exploded?

LIZ

They turned black and they exploded!

LUKE

Well, clean them up. I'm not going to -

LIZ

My turkey! [She puts the tray down to run upstairs.]

LUKE

Liz? [Luke follows after her.]

LIZ

Oh, boy, oh, boy!

LUKE

[looking at the mess]

It's like Motley Crue's been here.

LIZ

[looks in to the oven]

Good, that red button thingy hasn't popped up yet.

LUKE

Look, you're way over-cooking your stuffing, here. [He turns down the burner.]

LIZ

Hey, how do you turn on your oven light? Never mind, I'll check my Martha.

LUKE

How to turn on my oven light is not going to be in your Martha Stewart book.

LIZ

[sits down and opens her cook book]

Hey, that red pop-up thingy. Are turkeys born with that or is that something they put in?

LUKE

I don't know, why don't you ask Martha?

LIZ

Oh, she knows. She knows everything.

LUKE

[looks into a pot]

Hey, you're going to have to get some canned cranberry sauce. Your homemade - well, it's not red. It should be red.

LIZ

I know, I don't know how that happened.

LUKE

Well, everything seems kind of under control here.

LIZ

Thanks, Luke. I'm so sorry, TJ thought the microwave was working but I guess not.

LUKE

[nodding]

It's okay. [He stares at the floor for a minute, then takes a deep breath and looks at Liz.] Liz -

LIZ

Look at Martha's hands! They're so white!

LUKE

[seriously]

Liz, you got a minute?

LIZ

Yeah, big brother, I got a minute.

LUKE

[sighs as he presses his hands to his mouth]

Um, this is hard, I - I feel like this giant weight's been sitting on me, I just - I just need someone to talk to.

LIZ

[frowns, then shrugs]

Well, then talk.

LUKE

I've got a kid.

LIZ

[shocked, but happy]

A kid? You've got a kid?

LUKE

A girl. A little girl. She's twelve. I am her father.

LIZ

Oh, boy, oh boy!

LUKE

She came to the diner out of the blue and she was testing to see who her father was. Not for money or anything, it was for this science fair she was in. She's smart.

LIZ

[cheerfully]

Oh, boy, oh, boy!

LUKE

So I went down to the fair and there she was. You know, and there I was. My picture, the DNA test. [laughing nervously.] She's mine.

LIZ

Twelve, huh?

LUKE

Twelve.

LIZ

That's Anna Nardini, isn't it?

LUKE

[stunned]

How'd you know?

LIZ

Luke, you're not Warren Beatty. I mean, you could have been, girls like you, but you're a serial monogamist. That's why you're you. I remember Anna, I liked her!

LUKE

I don't know what to do. I'm just so confused.

LIZ

Well, what did Lorelai say? [Luke looks down.] You haven't told her.

LUKE

We're engaged, we're on track here, her and me. And Rory's back, so that's settled now. We're in a good place! You know, this could wreck it.

LIZ

It won't wreck it. Not unless you let it.

LUKE

She's been out there twelve years, this little girl!

LIZ

What does Anna want from you?

LUKE

That's the thing. Nothing. She hasn't contacted me. I mean, why hasn't she? She could have called me. What? Does she think I'd be a deadbeat?

LIZ

Oh! No one would think that.

LUKE

April doesn't want anything either. That's her name. April. You know, it's all just very scientific with her. I couldn't even get her to go for ice cream with me.

LIZ

Whoa. [thinking] Did you offer cake?

LUKE

[puzzled]

No.

LIZ

Maybe she wanted cake. Or pie. You offer pie?

LUKE

No.

LIZ

Maybe she wanted pie. Or fudge.

LUKE

It's not about what I offered her, Liz. She didn't have any interest. You know, that's the thing. Why should I feel burdened? I mean, they're not reaching out. Neither one of them. So why should I?

LIZ

[shaks her head]

I don't know -

LUKE

I mean, the girl's got her life. She seems very adjusted, a little weird, but thriving. Anna's got her life, I've got my life, you know. I shouldn't worry about this. I mean, why should I? There's no reason to.

LIZ

I guess not.

LUKE

Good. Good. [He sighs and is relieved.] I'm not going to worry. I'm going to let it go. [smiles.] Yeah, this has been good. Thanks for listening, Liz. I feel better. [Liz nods.] Well, you should get back to your food, there. This is settled.

LIZ

Okay.

LUKE

All right. There's your Martha. [He pushes the cook book to her.]

LIZ

Thanks.

LORELAI

[entering]

Everyone's here, everyone's hungry!

SOOKIE

Perfect timing, 'cause Tree, Chuck and Bob here are ready to be consumed.

LORELAI

Please, don't name the food we eat.

SOOKIE

Sorry.

LORELAI

So are you ready to carve? [She picks up a fork and pokes 'Chuck'.]

SOOKIE

We're ready to carve. I could use some help, though. Maybe send Luke in. [She slaps Lorelai's on the hand.]

LORELAI

He loves to carve.

SOOKIE

There's enough food, right? Did I make enough food?

LORELAI

There's plenty, even considering the extra guests.

SOOKIE

Good. Go tell them it'll be five minutes.

LORELAI

Will do.

LIZ

Huzzah! You're so good at that, Stu! Really. Too bad you didn't put all that effort into something you can make money at.

STU

Thanks, Liz. [To Luke] So, when are you coming back out on the Renaissance Faire circuit with us, Luke?

LUKE

I think sometime after I'm drugged and lobotomized.

STU

You're the funniest, smartest guy I know, Luke.

LIZ

I'm calling him Yakov from now on.

LUKE

[to Rory]

Please don't judge me by this.

RORY

I won't. Yakov.

LORELAI

[entering]

We're just minutes away from eating, everybody!

LIZ

Oh, I can't wait to see this meal! My dinner didn't turn out like Martha's picture. Who knew a turkey could melt like that? I didn't.

LORELAI

[to Rory and Luke]

Hey, guys, when'd you sneak in?

LUKE

Oh, just a couple minutes ago.

LORELAI

How'd you like to carve for us?

LUKE

I'll carve if you want.

LORELAI

Bless you. Um, let me talk to you over here for a second first.

LUKE

Oh, okay.

LORELAI

So.

LUKE

Yeah?

LORELAI

Um. That Christopher call from before, the famous one?

LUKE

The infamous one.

LORELAI

Oh, you remember that?

LUKE

I remember it.

LORELAI

Well, I never filled you in on the content. He said he wanted to talk and he said it was important, so I met up with him.

LUKE

Oh, yeah?

LORELAI

Yeah. He's come into a lot of money, family money. And he offered Rory and me lots of things we didn't want or need, but Rory took him up on his offer to pay for Yale. It was her idea and I support it. That's it. So he's going to be financing her tuition this year and next year and, um, we got together today at a diner to finalize it, and that's it.

LUKE

[shrugs]

I think that's great.

LORELAI

Really?

LUKE

Yes. I think that's absolutely great.

LORELAI

You heard the part about how I got together with Christopher?

LUKE

Absolutely. You had to, to talk about this. He's her dad. He's her dad. If he's got something, he should be sharing it, good for him. He's been gone most of the time, so he owes you. I'm glad he's doing it. He's doing what a dad is supposed to do. He's taking care of his kid. Good. Good.

LORELAI

Yeah, good. So you're good with this.

LUKE

I am.

LORELAI

And so we're good.

LUKE

We're great.

LORELAI

Thank you for understanding.

LUKE

I'm going to go carve.

LORELAI

Okay.

LIZ

Oh, Rory, have you met Freddy? He has no thumbs.

RORY

No, I haven't. Hi, Freddy. [She goes to shake his.]

FREDDY

Hi! [As he extends his hand Rory's phone rings. She looks at his hand with no thumb.]

RORY

Excuse me. [She goes into the library and answers her phone.] Hello?

HONOR

Rory, hi! It's Honor Huntzberger.

RORY

Oh, hi, Honor. How are you doing?

HONOR

I've been exiled. My parent's house is eleven thousand square feet and smoking is banned from every nook and cranny of it. Only because Mom stopped smoking again. So, here I am, freezing my ass off.

RORY

Bummer.

HONOR

So, I thought I'd call and tell you what a drag it is, this thing with you and Logan.

RORY

Oh, yeah?

HONOR

When Logan said you two broke up, I almost threw a lamp at him.

RORY

[shocked]

Oh.

HONOR

[unaware]

Moron. He's his own worst enemy.

RORY

He told you that we broke up?

HONOR

Well, I was wondering where you were for Thanksgiving, and at first young Seacrest hemmed and hawed, which wasn't sufficient, so he finally told me. Idiot. Him, not you.

RORY

Right.

HONOR

I'm so sorry. But you and I can still go shopping, you know. Bergdorf's is calling.

RORY

Yeah. Sure.

HONOR

Good. Well, I have to get back inside before I turn into an ice cube. Are you at least having a nice Thanksgiving?

RORY

Yeah. It's really nice.

HONOR

I'll be in touch.

RORY

Sure. Thanks, Honor.

HONOR

Bye.

RORY

Bye. [She hangs up the cell phone.]

SOOKIE

Okay, that's too thin, too thin!

LUKE

I'm just getting started, give me some room.

SOOKIE

Okay, that's too thick, too thick, too thick!

LUKE

Hang on, Sookie. [Taping the knife on the turkey.]

SOOKIE

You’re crooked. Crooked.

LUKE

[handing Sookie the knife]

Okay.

SOOKIE

Good idea.

OPERATOR

Information, listing please?

LUKE

Yeah, uh, Nardini?

OPERATOR

City?

LUKE

Woodbridge.

OPERATOR

Please hold.

LUKE

Thanks.

MACHINE'S VOICE

Press one to be connected to area code -

APRIL'S VOICE

[on the machine]

Hello. You've reached the Nardini residence. We're not home, or else we're too distracted to answer right now, so -

LORELAI

She kick you out?

LUKE

What? Who?

LORELAI

Sookie.

LUKE

Oh, yeah.

LORELAI

Predictable.

LUKE

Yeah, predictable.

LORELAI

Hey! You okay?

RORY

[quietly]

Kind of.

LORELAI

You sure?

RORY

[half-smiles at her]

I'm just hungry.

SOOKIE

[entering]

Dinner is served!