T6E9: “The Prodigal Daughter Returns”

LORELAI

Luke, hello? Luuuke! My door is chained! Which is especially funny, since I don't have a chain on my door. Luke!

LUKE

(OS)

Lorelai?

LORELAI

No. Land shark. Candygram. Here's Johnny. (frustrated) Uh! Luke, open the door!

LUKE

(OS)

Stay there.

LORELAI

Oh, oh, okay. (tries to put her hand through the door and open it) God. (her hand gets stuck) Ow. Ow, I have a cramp. Luke, I have a cramp.

LUKE

(OS)

Sorry.

LORELAI

Huh... (Luke comes up to the door) I'm permanently stuck like this. (starts to wave her arm franticly)

LUKE

All right, get your arm out of the way so I can unchain the door.

LORELAI

Sure. Just yell, "stand up already!" to the guy in the wheelchair. (Luke unchains and opens the door)

LUKE

I chained the door earlier to test it. Here. (hands her a glass of wine)

LORELAI

(taking the wine and coming into the house) Oh, what an odd reward system you have.

LUKE

Come with me. (leads her to the living room)

LORELAI

What's going on?

LUKE

We... are celebrating.

LORELAI

Celebrating! What?

LUKE

Listen.

LORELAI

...Are you cooking?

LUKE

Is that listening?

LORELAI

Well, I'm hungry.

LUKE

Focus.

LORELAI

I'm hungry.

LUKE

Ssshhhh.

LORELAI

Fine. (they listen for a beat) I don't hear anything.

LUKE

Exactly.

LORELAI

OooK... Simon, Garfunkel.

LUKE

It's done.

LORELAI

What's done?

LUKE

The house. It's done.

LORELAI

No, it was supposed to take another week.

LUKE

I know. I paid Tom a bonus to get the guys out of here early.

LORELAI

And he finished everything?

LUKE

Yep! No more banging or sawing, no more paint cans lying around, cigarette butts in the potted plants.

LORELAI

Well, they didn't put the light-socket covers back on. They'll have to come back to put the light-socket cov... (Luke start pointing at the light socket covers)

LUKE

Light-socket covers are on.

LORELAI

What about the skinny, tiny, molding in the closet? They have to fix the skinny, tiny molding in the closet.

LUKE

Skinny, tiny molding is done.

LORELAI

Mmmm... Well, I'm sure they did not pick up all their tools. They'll have to come back and pick up their tools...

LUKE

You're not happy they're gone.

LORELAI

No, I am. I just... I wanted to say "goodbye".

LUKE

Goodbye?

LORELAI

Yeah, I wanted to have a, you know, "we're done" party. Buy 'em some pizza.

LUKE

More pizza.

LORELAI

And I had going-away presents for them.

LUKE

I gave them a going away present. A $2000 going-away present. That's got to bring some smiles.

LORELAI

But I bought paper hats and noisemakers.

LUKE

The place was covered with dust. You were getting woken up at six am every morning by the hammering. I thought you'd be happy.

LORELAI

I am. I'm just sad at the same time. You've never been with a woman before?

LUKE

OK, fine. I've got another surprise for ya.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

Upstairs.

LORELAI

Where?

LUKE

Bedroom.

LORELAI

(gasps) Upstairs in the bedroom? Whatever could it be? (they walk toward the staircase)

LUKE

Close your eyes.

LORELAI

I'm not scared of it anymore, Luke.

LUKE

Would you please just close your eyes?

LORELAI

OK. (she closes her eyes)

LUKE

(stops her as she keeps on moving in the room) Ah, nuh uh. You ready?

LORELAI

Ready.

LUKE

Take a look. (Lorelai opens her eyes and looks around surprised, not in a good way)

LORELAI

Wow! What is this? (we see inside the bedroom, which is filled with old creepy looking furniture)

LUKE

This is my grandmother's bedroom set. It's in perfect shape. Can you imagine?

LORELAI

(forced interest and delight) Wow! (noticing the carving on the bed) Look at all the cherubs.

LUKE

People have been trying to buy it off me for years, but I always felt that I would eventually find the perfect place to put it, you know?

LORELAI

(walking around the room) Uh-huh.

LUKE

And then the room was done and just sitting there, and I remembered the day you came down to that storage unit, and you saw the furniture, and you said you liked it.

LORELAI

I did?

LUKE

Yeah! And since you liked it and I've been looking for a place to put it, I figured...

LORELAI

When did I come to your storage unit?

LUKE

Five years ago. You needed to borrow that space heater.

LORELAI

Oh, right.

LUKE

And look. (picks up and old painting of a boat - assuming there are a few more of those) I haven't had a chance to put these up. Aren't they great?

LORELAI

(same forced tone) Yes. Yes, they are.

LUKE

Yeah, I was tempted to get them reframed, but it just didn't seem right. (Lorelai notices the mirror of the dresser. It looks like it belongs to a fun House)

LORELAI

Oh. I've got one big eye. That's fun.

LUKE

Yeah, that's the original glass. You can't find that anymore. So, you sure you like it?

LORELAI

I love it.

LUKE

Great. OK. Well... let's get downstairs, 'cause I am making risotto. (they chuckle and Luke exits the room)

LORELAI

(a bit disappointed walk out after him) I just love it.

EMILY

Sumatra, please get my granddaughter a plate.

RORY

That's all right, Sumatra. I'm just going up to my room.

EMILY

Sumatra, please tell my granddaughter that all food is to be consumed in the dining room.

RORY

Sumatra, please tell my Grandmother "What?!"

EMILY

That's the rule in this house, Rory.

RORY

I'm late for community service.

EMILY

Food in this house is meant to be consumed in the dining room or not at all.

RORY

What about when you take your tea outside on the patio?

EMILY

That is in the afternoon. This is morning, and in the morning you eat your food at the table, in the dining room...

RORY

(cuts Emily off by leaving the muffin on the table with a tude) Fine. I'll be back this afternoon. (exits the dinning room while Emily stares at the muffin. She turns to look t the maid and the maid looks back)

EMILY

(to Sumatra) Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen, you better go get it a cape. (Sumatra takes the muffin and exits to the kitchen. Emily goes back to reading her newspaper, looking upset)

LORELAI

Hey!

SOOKIE

I have to go to China.

LORELAI

Enjoy your flight.

SOOKIE

I need inspiration. I need ideas. I'm tapped-out. Boring. You know what's on the menu tonight?

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Goose with oyster stuffing.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

I know. But that's all I could come up with. And then the only reason I thought of that was because Davey just learned "duck duck goose," and the ducks looked puny, so there you go.

LORELAI

Well say "Hi" to Yao Ming for me.

SOOKIE

Will do. (takes an envelope that Lorelai has brought in and starts to open it) What is this?

LORELAI

This is a formal invitation, written by me, on the dragonfly notepad, about five minutes ago, inviting you and Jackson to a housewarming dinner at my newly completed pad.

SOOKIE

(Gasps) It's done.

LORELAI

Done!

SOOKIE

Saturday night.

LORELAI

I've heard it's all right for fighting. Get a little action in.

SOOKIE

Wow. Your house is done. This is so exciting! How does it look?

LORELAI

It, uh, looks great.

SOOKIE

It, uh, does?

LORELAI

Yeah.

SOOKIE

Why do you hate it?

LORELAI

I don't hate it. It's beautiful. It's just... What if Jackson brought home a set of his grandmother's pots and pans? Now, obviously, you need some pots and pans, and these are free and all, but they're really old. And you don't want to hurt Jackson's feelings 'cause he feels very sentimental about the pans, but they've got fat cherubs carved all over them, and you just don't want them.

SOOKIE

Do the cherubs interfere with the actual cooking function, or are they just decorative?

LORELAI

Well, decorative is a wildly generous description, but function's fine.

SOOKIE

What happened to my old pots and pans?

LORELAI

Uuh... Gone. Thrown out.

SOOKIE

Can I get them back?

LORELAI

Babette's nephew, Gary, is sleeping on them.

SOOKIE

Sleeping on them?

LORELAI

I'm not really talking about pans, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Well, what are you talking about?

LORELAI

I'm talking about Luke's grandmother's bedroom furniture that he set up in my brand-new bedroom.

SOOKIE

Oh.

LORELAI

And he loves this furniture.

SOOKIE

And you don't?

LORELAI

No, I don't. But it shouldn't matter, right?

SOOKIE

Why not?

LORELAI

Look at everything Luke has done for me. I mean he bought and then he un-bought the Twickham House, and then he almost bought it again, and then he decided to live at my house because I wanted to live at my house.

SOOKIE

Yeah, he did.

LORELAI

He has turned his whole life upside down for me. He does everything in his power to make me happy and give me what I want, so can't I just give him this one little thing?

SOOKIE

Yes, you can.

LORELAI

No, I can't. The bed is small and really low, perfect for tiny, shrunken limbs that can't be too far off the ground. And then he has this ancient dresser with the original fun-house mirror in it so that when I wake up every morning, and I am at my most visually vulnerable, I'll look in there and think I'm that kid from "Mask."

SOOKIE

You can replace the mirror.

LORELAI

Oh, no. He loves the mirror. And the bed, and the dresser, oh, and the paintings! Did I say about the paintings?

SOOKIE

No.

LORELAI

Of sailboats?

SOOKIE

Ohh.

LORELAI

There's six of them. Six sailboats waiting to sail me away to an old-folks home. And then, when the wind's right, drop me off at the pearly gates. I'm hateful and selfish.

SOOKIE

No, you're not.

LORELAI

I just want my new house to be perfect. Half that crap in there was hand-me-downs to begin with. You know I had that old bed that Mia let me snag from the Independence Inn. I just wanted something new.

SOOKIE

You have to tell him.

LORELAI

I can't tell him.

SOOKIE

Maybe it's not so bad.

LORELAI

Well, you'll see for yourself on Saturday night. 7:30?

SOOKIE

Aye, aye, captain.

LORELAI

Huh... (exits the kitchen and Sookie goes back to her cooking)

RICHARD

Emily! Sorry to be so late. Jenson wouldn't stop talking. The car will be here in 20 minutes to take me to the airport. Remember, I'm not going to be back until Tuesday, so you're going to have to deal with Alejandro yourself. (walks into the sitting room area and sits on a small desk to write a check) I will leave you the check. All you have to do is hand it to him and tell him that if there are any problems I will be back to talk to him on Wednesday. I hope you told the maid to pack my raincoat. Forecasts are predicting Armageddon, apparently. Now, I have a stopover in Las Vegas. Is there anything that you want me to bring you back? (Finn and Colin start walking down the staircase holding boxes full of stuff)

FINN

Your safe return, darling, is all I need.(Richard looks around at the boys with a surprised and confused look)

RICHARD

Who the hell are you?

FINN

Well, if I knew that, I could dismiss my therapist, couldn't I? Though she's very hot.

COLIN

I'm Colin McCrea.

RICHARD

How wonderful for you. (get up from the desk and approaches the boys) What are you doing in my house? Put that box down. Both of you. (the boys put the boxes down) Explain yourselves.

COLIN

Mr. Gilmore, I'm Colin McCrea. You know my father, Andrew McCrea.

RICHARD

Yes, I know Andrew McCrea. What are you doing in my house? Where's Mrs. Gilmore?

FINN

Don't know, mate. Rory let us in.

COLIN

We came over to help her move her stuff.

RICHARD

Move her stuff where?

FINN

To her new place of residence.

RICHARD

What do you mean "new place of residence"? Rory's moving out?

FINN

I hope so. Otherwise, she'll have nothing to wear tomorrow.

RICHARD

That's preposterous! A person doesn't just move out without a word. Where is she? Rory!

FINN

She already left.

RICHARD

Well I want an explanation.

COLIN

We'll have her call you. (starts to pick up his box)

RICHARD

You! You'll ha... What are you doing with that? (pointing at the box) That's my tennis racket.

FINN

I told you she didn't point to the closet on the right.

COLIN

Well then I have no idea what closet she was pointing to.

FINN

I suppose these humidors aren't hers, either. Pity. (to Richard who looks very confused) Any chance you're sick of them? I promise to give them a nice home and show them a picture of you every year at Christmas.(Richard points upstairs and walks away. The boys look at him go) Very tall man, that one. (Colin picks up his box and starts going back upstairs)

LUKE

They're gonna to get cold.

LORELAI

Are they different?

LUKE

Different than what?

LORELAI

They seem different.

LUKE

They're nachos. Now eat them.

LORELAI

You used baked chips.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

You did, didn't you? You used baked chips and low-fat cheese.

LUKE

I did not... use low-fat cheese.

LORELAI

Ha!

LUKE

How can you tell?

LORELAI

How could you lie?

LUKE

They taste the same!

LORELAI

Oh, the trust, Luke. How are we gonna to make it if you're constantly trying to keep me healthy?

LUKE

Fine. Forget it. Die at 60. (takes the plate and walk away)

LORELAI

Bring me a doughnut while I wait. (Lane notices Lorelai and tries to avoid and ignore her) Hey, Lane. Yoo-hoo! Lane! Whoo! (wildly gesturing) Lane, seriously. Landing planes over here. (Lane gives up and goes over to her table)

LANE

Lorelai. Hey.

LORELAI

Hey. Fill me up here. (Lane fills up Lorelai cup with coffee while avoiding eye contact) Sooo, how's it going?

LANE

Good.

LORELAI

Good. I haven't seen you the last couple days.

LANE

I've been working the lunch shift.

LORELAI

Oh. Something wrong?

LANE

Wrong?

LORELAI

Yeah, you're giving me a Valerie Cherish, you know, and "I don't wanna see that!". (Lane doesn't get it and seems uncomfortable) It's a great show. You should watch it.

LANE

I will.

LORELAI

It's cancelled.

LANE

Oh, sorry.

LORELAI

Well, it's your fault, so... Wow, what's going on here? Usually when I come in, you say "hi", and then I say "hi", and you tell me what's going on in your life, and I tell you what's going on in my life. It's not curing the bird flu or anything, but it's been a nice tradition.

LANE

Rory moved in with me.

LORELAI

She... But why? What happened?

LANE

I don't really know. We haven't had the in-depth conversation yet. She just said she moved out of her grandparents' house and needed a place to crash.

LORELAI

Wow, that's pretty big.

LANE

Yeah. And she didn't tell me if I could say anything to you, so I just assumed I shouldn't.

LORELAI

Right, I get it. I heard nothing. So, it's nice of you to let her crash.

LANE

Hey, she's small. How much room can she take up, right?

LORELAI

Did she bring her books?

LANE

Good point. Are you okay?

LORELAI

Me? Sure. I'm fine. A little curious, but I'm fine.

LANE

Well, when I know more...

LORELAI

Right.

LANE

OK.

LORELAI

OK.

LANE

OK.

LORELAI

OK (Lane walks away and Lorelai is left alone at the table)

LANE

Lunch is served.

RORY

Such service.

LANE

I'm just in it for the tips.

RORY

Underwear first, then pants.

LANE

What a shame I'm away from my snare drum. Want a soda?

RORY

Please. Soda me. (Lane goes over to the fridge to get that soda as Zach walks in)

ZACH

Shampoo's looking low.

LANE

I'll get more tomorrow.

ZACH

(to Rory) Four people in the house sure makes the shampoo go away faster, huh?

RORY

I brought my own shampoo, Zach.

ZACH

Hey, not a judgment, just an observation. (looking at Rory's sandwich on the counter) Two paper towels, huh?

LANE

Relax, Zach. (gives Rory the soda and starts fussing with making her own sandwich)

ZACH

Hey, it's cool. Just paper towels don't grow on trees. They cost money. Use two a day for a month, that's like 60 paper towels. You're looking at 24 rolls per year.

RORY

I'm not staying that long, Zach.

ZACH

Hey, Lane's casa es su casa, apparently. (picks up a box of serial) Oh, cool! Don't have to strain myself by lifting a full box. Excellent.

RORY

I'm not staying that long, Zach.

LANE

She's not staying that long, Zach.

RORY

A couple of days, tops.

ZACH

Yeah? (to Lane) Remember Don? He came for a couple days, tops, once. Six weeks later, he's still here. Ate all my cheese nips. But when I confronted him with the box, he said they were just settling. Dude had cheese-nip breath as he told me they were just settling.

RORY

(her phone starts ringing) Oh my God, Zach, I am not staying that long. (picks up her cell and walks away from the kitchen counter) Hello.

STUART

(on phone) Rory Gilmore, please.

RORY

This is Rory Gilmore. (scene cuts between Lane's apartment and Stuart's office)

STUART

Rory, this is Stuart Woltz, of the Stamford Eagle Gazette.

RORY

Mr. Woltz, yes. Thank you so much for calling me back.

STUART

No problem. Listen I got your message and of course I'll be happy to give you a reference. I'll even make it a great one.

RORY

Really?

STUART

Look, I don't really know what happened with you and Mitchum, but from me to you, you're a sharp kid, and you got a lot going for you. Anybody'd be lucky to have you working for them.

RORY

Thank you so much.

STUART

I know this'll shock you, but you're not the first person who couldn't get along with Herr Huntzberger. It's a pretty big club, actually. Ignore him.

RORY

I plan on doing just that.

STUART

Good. OK, so, just have whoever you want call me, and I'll sing your praises. Sorry I can't hire you at the Gazette, but we don't have any openings right now anyhow, so...

RORY

That's okay. The reference will be plenty.

STUART

Good luck, Rory. I expect to hear great things about you someday.

RORY

I promise not to let you down. Goodbye, Mr. Woltz. (they hang up. Rory starts walking back to the kitchen) Yes!

LANE

Good news?

RORY

References are now officially in order, which is a relief because I've already sent out 125,000 resumes.

LANE

Oh, listen. I forgot to tell you. I may have done something stupid.

RORY

What?

LANE

Well... I kind of told Lorelai that you've moved in here.

ZACH

I'm sorry? "Moved in here"?

LANE

Zach! There must be something else you can do.

RORY

When did you see my mom?

LANE

This morning at Luke's. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if you wanted her to know or didn't want her to know.

RORY

It's OK. It's fine that she knows.

LANE

Oh, good.

RORY

OK! It's time to get dressed and hit the pavement. (starts to walk away. Lane stops her)

LANE

Wait. Your sandwich. (passes her the sandwich and Rory takes it)

RORY

Thank you. (exits)

ZACH

Sure, just leave your computer plugged in, sucking up all our energy.

LANE

Zach!

ZACH

What? I'm just writing a song.

SOOKIE

I can't believe you didn't do anything to the kitchen.

LORELAI

What are you talking about? Look at the brand-new napkin holder. It used to be a cow. Now it's a much bigger cow.

SOOKIE

Fine. Forget it. (putting a platter in the oven) Chicken and dumplings going in.

LORELAI

You do know the pile of burgers sitting in the refrigerator is intended for human consumption.

SOOKIE

I never go anywhere without a casserole.

LORELAI

Must make dining out rather awkward.

SOOKIE

Look, if by some chance Luke happens to burn the chicken or overcook the burgers, then we won't starve. If everything turns out perfect, then you can freeze the casserole and eat it for the rest of your life.

LORELAI

Perfect plan. (we hear some arguing from outside and a then Luke and Jackson enter through the kitchen door)

LUKE

Forget it.

JACKSON

There is no shame in using a charcoal chimney.

LUKE

(taking the uncooked burgers out of the fridge and passes one plate to Jackson) It's a gadget. I don't do gadgets.

JACKSON

It takes twice as long.

LUKE

You got someplace to be? (takes out another plate)

JACKSON

No, you just go right ahead and rub those sticks together. I'll just go learn a language or something.

LORELAI

(to Luke) Bernardo.

SOOKIE

(to Jackson) Riff.

LUKE

And a real man doesn't use a charcoal chimney.

JACKSON

Oh, so now I'm not a real man?

SOOKIE

He is too. I have pictures to prove it.

JACKSON

Do you have a spray bottle?

LUKE

For what?

JACKSON

To spray the flames down if they get too high. Or do you just use a hose?

LORELAI

No, he blows them out with his man-breath.

SOOKIE

And then he challenges them to an arm-wrestling contest.

LORELAI

And then he insults the flame's mother and sleeps with its girlfriend. (the men exit the kitchen through the kitchen door) And the next time you come back, you better be carrying food!

SOOKIE

OK. Boys are busy. The chicken's in the oven. Show me the bedroom set.

LORELAI

Sookie.

SOOKIE

I want to see the creepy granny bed.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm trying to rise above it.

SOOKIE

Rise above it later. Let's go. (they start walking towards upstairs)

LORELAI

Here it is.

SOOKIE

Huh.

LORELAI

It's terrible, right?

SOOKIE

Well, it's...

LORELAI

Terrible?

SOOKIE

Reeeeally terrible.

LORELAI

I told you.

SOOKIE

(sits on the bed) Ow. Oh, my god. (she lies back starts trying to roll around a bit to test it) You can't sleep in this.

LORELAI

Don't worry, I won't. I'm convinced it's haunted, and one night Luke will come back from the bathroom and find nothing but a bloody hook hanging from the cherubs.

SOOKIE

Oh, my God. I just saw the cherubs. (gasps, gets up quickly and stands next to Lorelai) OK, let's think. Maybe if you stripped the wood.

LORELAI

And lit a match?

SOOKIE

Throw on a little gasoline.

LORELAI

I can't tell him I hate it.

SOOKIE

Yeah, you have to. It's horrible.

LORELAI

Yes, but Luke loves this furniture.

SOOKIE

Right. Luke loves this furniture. Luke loves this furniture. Luke loves this furniture?

LORELAI

Yes.

SOOKIE

Has he seen it? (pointing at the dresser) Has he seen this? And that (pointing at one of the paintings) has he seen that? (from downstairs the phone starts to ring)

LORELAI

(chuckles) Come on. (they start to exit)

SOOKIE

(while walking towards the door points at the bedside table with a lamp on it) Oh, now, I know he hasn't seen that.

SOOKIE

I'm going to check on the chicken. (as they reach the living room the machine beeps)

CHRIS

(On answering machine)

Hey, Lor (Sookie and Lorelai look a bit surprised), haven't said that in a while.

SOOKIE

Is that... (Lorelai nods)

CHRIS

(On answering machine)

Anyway, hope you're good. Hope Rory is good. I wanted to talk to you. Nothing terrifying. I think I have good news. (Luke starts to walk in from the kitchen and as he hears the message he stops) In fact, I know I have good news. (Lorelai notices Luke and quickly goes to turn off the machine) Anyhow I'm hoping you'll call me back and...

LORELAI

Hey. How's the food coming? I'm starving.

LUKE

Who was that?

LORELAI

Uuuhh...

LUKE

It sounded like Christopher.

SOOKIE

Bye-bye. (walks away into the kitchen quickly, as Luke moves closer to Lorelai)

LORELAI

Well, if you knew who it was, why'd you ask?

LUKE

Were you going to tell me he called?

LORELAI

Luke, yes.

LUKE

Then why'd you turn the machine off when I walked in?

LORELAI

It was a reflex.

LUKE

Reflex?

LORELAI

Yeah, I panicked. I didn't think. I looked up, and you were standing there.

LUKE

How long has this been going on?

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

You talking to Christopher. I assume it's just talking, right?

LORELAI

Yes. No, no. No talking, no anything. There's nothing going on.

LUKE

Fine. (turns to walk away)

LORELAI

Are you leaving?

LUKE

Burgers are done.

LORELAI

Let's talk about this.

LUKE

I don't want to argue in front of guests.

LORELAI

Last time we were over, Sookie breast-fed Martha during appetizers. We owe them.

LUKE

I won't discuss this with people in the house. It's rude.

LORELAI

No, it's rude to silently sulk through dinner and make them feel uncomfortable because they know we're fighting and we're pretending we're not fighting.

LUKE

We're not fighting... Yet. (Luke walks back into the kitchen)

JACKSON

So, we're standing in a giant pile of manure, and I am screaming, "I asked for extra fish heads!". And he's like, "No, you did not ask for extra fish heads". Oh, I tell you. It was hilarious! (an awkward pause) And of course all the celery guys are staring, and then "tomato" George - we call him "tomato" George. He's got extra time on his hands right now 'cause tomatoes are out of season - anyhow, he steps in and says, "I don't want to hear another thing about the fish heads". (Jackson chuckles as he expects a reaction from his punch line. He gets none) He's from Kansas.

SOOKIE

The burgers are delicious, Luke.

JACKSON

Oh, yeah, I like them burnt. You can't get anyone to really burn a burger anymore.

LORELAI

The chicken and dumplings are good, too. (Luke looks t Lorelai accusingly) What? (he snorts) Nice snort.

LUKE

I didn't snort.

SOOKIE

(nervously) People in Kansas talk funny. (chuckles to relieve the tension. It doesn't work)

JACKSON

Did I miss something?

SOOKIE

Always, honey.

LORELAI

It's nothing, Jackson.

JACKSON

Oh. I bet I know what's going on.

LUKE

Nothing's going on, Jackson.

JACKSON

Oh, yes, it is. It is not lost on me that the burgers with my world-famous rub are almost gone, while your butter burgers are still sitting there on the plate. You a little humbled now?

SOOKIE

Jackson.

JACKSON

My burgers are better! (to Luke) Admit it! I demand satisfaction.

SOOKIE

Sorry. He's just so excited to be around grown-ups.

JACKSON

Hey.

LUKE

No. That's fine. He's right. His burgers are better.

JACKSON

Thank you. I crown thee burger king.

LUKE

I can admit it. I have no trouble telling someone something no matter how uncomfortable it might make them.

LORELAI

Wow. They'll be debating the subtle complexities of that comment for years.

JACKSON

Okay, I did miss something.

SOOKIE

Lorelai and Luke are fighting.

LUKE

We're not fighting.

LORELAI

No, we don't fight in front of company.

LUKE

It's rude.

LORELAI

Yeah, and we wouldn't want to be rude.

LUKE

It's fine. Just eat. What's that?

LORELAI

Chicken and dumplings?

LUKE

Who the hell made chicken and dumplings?

LORELAI

Sookie, our guest, who we don't want to be rude to.

LUKE

I'm not the one who started this.

LORELAI

I'm sorry. Are we talking about this now?

LUKE

You knew how I'd feel about it...

LORELAI

And you have absolutely no reason to be upset.

LUKE

I don't? You were hiding...

LORELAI

I wasn't hiding anything.

LUKE

You hung up the phone just as I came...

LORELAI

You didn't let me explain. I was about to tell you what happened

LUKE

At that moment, it was not appropriate to talk about it...

LORELAI

So you'd rather just sit and stew and be mad for no reason?

LUKE

So, it was just a weird coincidence that I walk in and Christopher happens to be leaving a message, and it happens to be the first time you've had contact with him in a month?

LORELAI

In a year, Luke! The last time I saw him was the last time you saw him!

LUKE

Well, I don't believe in coincidences.

LORELAI

This is not fair!

LUKE

I have a right to expect honesty from my fiance!

LORELAI

OK! You want honesty? I'll give you honesty. I hate that bedroom set. It's old and creepy, and I hate it.

LUKE

You told me you loved it.

LORELAI

I have absolutely no memory of coming to your storage unit five years ago and telling you I love that furniture. (Sookie and Jackson loon on the argument quiet and uncomfortable)

LUKE

Well thank you very much for your honesty about my grandmother's furniture. Too bad you're not a little more forthcoming about the other men in your life.

LORELAI

Oh, my god. Enjoy Wisteria Lane, you major drama queen.

LUKE

I'm done. (gets up off the table and walks out of the house)

LORELAI

(yelling after him) Wrap yourself in a towel and trip over a hedge on your way out!

SOOKIE

Are you okay?

LORELAI

I'm fine. I'm sorry, you guys. I'll give Paul Anka the burger. (gets up, takes her plate and walks out of the kitchen)

JACKSON

Was it because I brought up my meat rub?

SOOKIE

Yes, it was.

LUKE

Come in. (Lorelai enters holding a plate and approaches him)

LORELAI

OK, see... Once we're married, you're not going to be able to run away to your clubhouse anymore. You're going to have to join a rotisserie baseball league with the rest of the men.

LUKE

When we're married, huh? Gee, when's that going to be?

LORELAI

I brought you something to eat. You're going to need sustenance if we're going to go another 10 rounds.

LUKE

I'm never going to be okay with Christopher being in your life.

LORELAI

I'm always going to have Christopher in my life.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

(sits on the coffee table opposite Luke and puts the plate down) He is... Rory's father. I can't change that. Today was the first day I heard Christopher's voice in a year, and I would have told you.

LUKE

We can't hide things from each other.

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

I'm not going to like it when Christopher calls, but we have to tell each other everything.

LORELAI

Agreed.

LUKE

That's the only way this is going to work.

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

You really hate the bedroom set?

LORELAI

Oh, I really hate the bedroom set. But I'm sorry I told you like that.

LUKE

Yeah, well... (takes a deep breath) So, how are Sookie and Jackson doing?

LORELAI

I think they enjoyed watching a show for once that didn't have la-la playing the guitar.

LUKE

Come here.

LORELAI

(sliding over to sit on Luke's lap) I want a barbie and a pony and roller skates and roller skates for the barbie and for the pony. (they kiss)

LUKE

No secrets?

LORELAI

Cross my heart and hope to die.

LUKE

Oh, I hate that saying.

LORELAI

No secrets. (they kiss again) Luke.

LUKE

(gives her peck on the lips) Yeah?

LORELAI

When I was in fifth grade, I told everybody Erik Estrada was my boyfriend and that we used to make out on his motorcycle.

LUKE

Shh. (they kiss again)

AUDREY

(on phone head set) Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you.

STUART

(to Audrey) Did Bergman call?

AUDREY

Stamford Eagle Gazette. (passes a note to Stuart, and then point over at Rory) Try the New York Times.

STUART

What?

AUDREY

Trust me. You want the (points again at Rory) Times.

STUART

(confused) What!? What are you pointing to?

RORY

She's pointing at me. (Rory gets up from her seat as Stuart turns around to see her)

AUDREY

Stamford Eagle Gazette.

STUART

Rory Gilmore.

RORY

As you live and breathe.

STUART

(walks up to her) Uh... I'm sorry. Did we, uh...?

RORY

No, we didn't have an appointment. I thought I would come down and talk to you about a job.

STUART

A job?

RORY

A beginning staff writer job, to be exact.

STUART

OK, I think maybe we got our signals crossed earlier. I thought I was clear. I don't have any jobs available.

RORY

No, you were very clear. You said you didn't have any jobs available, and I heard you. I have excellent hearing, among my many other qualifications, which I have listed here on my resume (gives him a big brown envelope)

STUART

(taking the envelope) Your... ?

RORY

And my portfolio. (turns and picks up two huge files) Samples of all my writing. All my work from the Yale Daily News, plus a couple spec pieces that I've just recently finished. Ideas, potential pitches, theatre reviews...(Gives him the files)

STUART

Well, I'm sure this is all...

RORY

Look, I know this is very spur-of-the-moment, but I thought maybe we could find a minute to sit and talk with me.

STUART

About what?

RORY

About a job.

STUART

But I don't have any job openings.

RORY

I know, but see earlier, when we were on the phone, you were so positive and optimistic. You said so many complimentary things. I mean, frankly, you made me sound great, so great that I thought, "Hey, you should hire that girl".

STUART

But...

RORY

I already know most of the staff. The rhythm of this place, how it runs. I know where you keep the pens. I have personally fixed the copier in that coffee room on more than 10 occasions. But the bottom line is... Mitchum was wrong. I am a very good writer, and I have great organizational skills, yes, but I know how to come at an article. I have a point of view. A voice. And - huh, big selling point - I am a huge bargain.

STUART

Rory, these are wonderful points, but I have nothing at this moment.

RORY

If you could sit down and talk with me, I bet we could work that out.

STUART

I have no time to sit and talk with you today. I'm sorry.

RORY

Look, I have sent my resume to several other papers. I'm not worried about finding a position. I'm worried about finding the right position. The right place for me. I think this is the right place for me.

STUART

Well it's not the right place for you, because there is no place for you. I have no job openings.

RORY

Give me ten minutes of your time, and I bet I can change your mind.

STUART

I don't have ten minutes. (gives back her portfolio)

RORY

I would be invaluable to you here.

STUART

If I gave you a job, I'd have to fire Harry. (sets the brown envelope with her resume on top of her portfolio that he?s just handed back to her)

RORY

Five minutes.

STUART

Sorry.

RORY

That's okay. I can wait. (sits back down. Stuart looks at her frustrated for a bit and then walks away)

AUDREY

Stamford Eagle Gazette... Yes, how may I help you?

LUKE

(setting two plates on an occupied table) Steaks and eggs, tuna melt.

CUSTOMER1

I ordered onions on this.

LUKE

Yes, you did. I'll be right back. (walks over to the counter and yells into the kitchen) Caesar, I got onions coming.

CUSTOMER2

This is not rare/medium-rare. It's more like just rare.

LUKE

Caesar, onions. Gimme. (takes the plate with the "more like rare" order and passes the plate to Caeser) Add a little medium to this rare.

CAESAR

The stove is going blinky.

LUKE

No excuses. Let's go, go, go. (walks over to another table and prepares to take an order)

CUSTOMER3

Cobb salad, no avocado, no bacon, no blue cheese, Italian dressing on the side.

LUKE

Something to drink?

CUSTOMER3

Iced tea, two lemons.

LUKE

Got it. (walks back to the counter to pass the order) Caesar, cobb salad, no cobb, just turkey. Where's that burger? (the girl with the helmet still o her head walks in the diner and goes up to the counter)

CAESER

The stove is going...

LUKE

...blinky, I know. Use the broiler.

APRIL

(to Luke) Luke Danes? Excuse me. Are you Luke Danes?

LUKE

Yeah, grab a seat. (pouring iced tea in a class) I'll be with you in a moment. (passing the glass to a customer sitting on the counter) Iced tea, two lemons.

CUSTOMER4

But I didn't...

APRIL

You're Luke Danes.

LUKE

(starts to write something on his order pad) Yes, kid, I'm Luke Danes. (notices the funny helmet) What the hell are you wearing?

APRIL

A bike helmet.

LUKE

For what kind of bike?

APRIL

A Schwinn.

LUKE

OK.

APRIL

When you fall off your bike, you fall on your face.

LUKE

Fine.

APRIL

You could lose your teeth or hurt your neck.

LUKE

Whatever. What do you want to eat?

APRIL

Nothing.

LUKE

Then I need the stool space.

APRIL

You told me to sit here.

LUKE

Well, I thought you were going to order something.

CAESER

Burger, rare!

LUKE

Yeah! (runs back up at Caeser, April follows) Where's my onions?

CAESER

I forgot the onions.

LUKE

Get my onions! (passes back the plate and notices April smiling at him. He walks to her on the other side of the counter) Look, kid, whatever you're selling...

APRIL

I'm not selling anything.

LUKE

I know, but I'm working, I'm bus...Will you take that thing off?

APRIL

OK... (starts to take off the helmet. It seems to not be so easy) it takes a minute. (Luke sighs as he waits for her to take the thing off. Finally she does and sets it on the counter) OK... it's off. Can I talk to you now?

LUKE

Talk fast.

APRIL

I need your hair.

LUKE

Excuse me?

APRIL

With the roots.

LUKE

For what?

APRIL

I go to Martin Van Buren Middle School over on Woodbridge. Do you know it?

LUKE

No.

APRIL

Well, every year Samuel Polotsky wins the science fair. Now, it's very important that I beat him this year because I hate him. This year I have the perfect project. I'm going to take hair samples from three men, run DNA tests on them, and figure out which one's my father.

LUKE

What?

APRIL

My uncle works for a lab in Hartford, so he's going to oversee me. But I'll be doing all the actual work myself.

LUKE

I'm sorry. Did you say your father?

APRIL

Yeah, see, science fairs have gotten so political lately. It's no longer the simple act of science being appreciated. There's got to be a twist, a gimmick. Something flashy. I figure this is perfect. Real science, DNA testing, with a flash of human drama. "Who's my daddy?". Huh? Catchy, right?

LUKE

I don't understand. I'm not...

APRIL

I already have the other two samples. This is my last stop. I go to the lab tomorrow, and the fair's on the 16th. And, if I win, there's going to be a banquet on the 18th, and you get to choose any two kinds of spaghetti that you want. There's going to be at least ten options, though I know what I'm getting. Split order, half mushroom, half mizeethra cheese.

LUKE

No!

APRIL

Yes, that's what I'm getting.

LUKE

No. I mean, no. I'm (April reaches out and grabs some hair off Luke)... Ow! (she takes out a camera and takes a picture of him)

APRIL

Thanks. (picks up her helmet and leaves) Wish me luck! (Luke is left looking after her very confused)

STUART

We can't print the letters, Harry.

HARRY

But if they're true? What if Gonzalez really is taking these payoffs? It would finally make the city-council elections interesting.

STUART

We have no idea who's making these accusations. It could be a hoax. Kids with too much time on their hands, no dates for the prom.

HARRY

Or it could be a rival candidate. Now wouldn't that be fun?

STUART

Yes, that would be fun.

HARRY

Then let's have some fun. (notices Rory) Hey, Rory.

RORY

Hi, Harry. (Stuart notices Rory sitting in the reception area and looks at her surprised. She gets up from her seat and starts to follow them around)

HARRY

OK, so, we don't print the letters, but if we can track down the person who's sending them.

STUART

How?

HARRY

I don't know. We do a paper analysis, rummage through trash cans.

STUART

Very dignified.

HARRY

Or maybe we can just call the guy up. Tell him we know he's sending the letters, lie, see if we can smoke him out.

RORY

You know, you can use language-analysis software to ID an author by comparing his writing style to known writing samples.

HARRY

What?

RORY

Yeah. That's how Joe Klein was unmasked as the author of "Primary Colours."

STUART

Hell, it's worth a try.

HARRY

Great. (Harry walks away looking pleased)

STUART

Good idea, Rory.

RORY

Thanks, boss.

STUART

I'm not your boss.

RORY

Not yet, boss, but give me five minutes of your time...

STUART

I don't have five minutes. (starts to walk away from her)

RORY

OK, I can wait.

STUART

Oh, boy.

RORY

(calls after him) You know where to find me. (watches Stuart walk away for a bit and then turns around to leave)

LORELAI

More books.

MICHEL

Urgh. What is wrong with people? Don't they know the written word is dead?

LORELAI

Uh, books are back. Oprah says. Did we order the new box slips yet?

MICHEL

Yes, and the envelopes. And the linen-delivery service has been replaced by one that actually has trucks that turn on. And I hired a horse whisperer because Cletus has been acting very needy lately, and I get enough of that from you.

LORELAI

Well, you're just perfect.

MICHEL

Oh. And I got a call from someone who wanted a job reference for Rory.

LORELAI

What?

MICHEL

Don't worry. I said nice things. I did not mention how she used to steal stamps and sit in my chair. I said she was very responsible and a hard worker, and now you owe me the weekend off.

LORELAI

A job reference?

MICHEL

Yes.

LORELAI

From who?

MICHEL

Excuse me?

LORELAI

Who was calling? Who was inquiring? Who was asking?

MICHEL

Someone who needed to hire someone.

LORELAI

What kind of job was it?

MICHEL

I don't know.

LORELAI

What was the name of the company?

MICHEL

he told me but I do not remember.

LORELAI

Michel.

MICHEL

What? I'm not an answering machine. I do not have "Sony" stamped on my forehead.

LORELAI

Miche... (her cellphone starts ringing) Forget it. Hello?

RICHARD

Lorelai, your mother's missing.

LORELAI

What?

RICHARD

I came home from Seattle, and she wasn't here. The bed doesn't look like it's been slept in.

LORELAI

You have maids, dad. They probably made the bed.

RICHARD

Your mother fired the maid. As far as I know, a new one hasn't been hired yet. Plus, I haven't heard from her in two days. I had a couple of phone calls yesterday, but they were fuzzy. I couldn't hear the other person, and then they hung up.

LORELAI

Well, that could have been mom.

RICHARD

Rory's moved out. Did you know this?

LORELAI

Yes, I heard. What happened?

RICHARD

Oh, I don't know what happened. I came home the other day and two strange boys were in my house moving Rory's things. She didn't even tell me she was going.

LORELAI

Did she and mom fight?

RICHARD

How would I know? I don't know where your mother is.

LORELAI

Did you call her cell?

RICHARD

No, I did not call her cell. In addition to losing my wife, I lost all control of my faculties. Of course I called her cell!

LORELAI

Well I don't know what to tell you dad. I haven't heard from mom or Rory.

RICHARD

I'm calling the club. If you hear anything, you must call me immediately.

LORELAI

I will.

RICHARD

Don't be smart.

LORELAI

I'm not being smart. If I hear anything, I'll call.

RICHARD

Fine. (they hang up, and Lorelai goes to the Inn's kitchen)

SOOKIE

Hey. What's wrong? Is something wrong? (walks up to Lorelai) Are you upset? Did Luke bring home his great-aunt's living room set?

LORELAI

I don't want coffee.

SOOKIE

OK, well, that's your choice.

LORELAI

Something's going on, Sookie.

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

I don't know. Rory moved out, and my mother is awol. So they must have had a fight or something. Something happened there, something big. And of course I don't have Rory's cellphone number because I had to give her space like a big, stupid idiot. (takes her cellphone out and dials someone) I should have my head examined. Remind me to have my head examined.

SOOKIE

Wait... Rory moved out?

LORELAI

And my mother is missing, and my father's a basket case, and I don't know what to think. (on phone) Hi, mom, it's Lorelai. You have got to call me when you get this message. OK. Dad is frantic, and we don't know where you are, so just call my cellphone as soon as possible. We just want to know that everything's all right. OK, bye.

SOOKIE

What do you think all that's about?

LORELAI

I don't know, but I'm going to go find out. (exits the kitchen through the back door and Sookie returns to her cooking)

BRIAN

Hey, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hey. Brian, I'm looking for Rory.

BRIAN

Oh, she's not here.

LORELAI

She is staying here?

BRIAN

Right.

ZACH

And if you see her, you might want to mention that we're mysteriously out of dish soap.

BRIAN

We're also out of sponges.

ZACH

We are? You didn't tell me we were out of sponges. Lorelai, come on.

LORELAI

Come on what, Zach?

ZACH

I'm just saying. She's your daughter. Maybe you should chip in a little rent.

LORELAI

Zach, didn't you guys use my garage as rehearsal space, rent free, for about two years?

BRIAN

Three, actually.

LORELAI

Three years. Thank you, Brian. Yeah, so, I'll tell you what, Zach. Why don't I give you $40 for Rory, and you can give me $1,200 for the garage? What do you think? We got a deal?

ZACH

Hey, whoa, relax. I was just joking. We're cool. (Lorelai cell starts ringing)

BRIAN

You wanna to come in and wait for her?

LORELAI

I'm good. Thanks for the offer. (gets her phone out and answers it) Hello?... Mom, thank God. Have you called dad?... Where are you?... What? What are you... OK, just stay there, mom... Now, what was the hangar number again?

LORELAI

Mom?

EMILY

(OS)

I'm in the cockpit!

LORELAI

Oh. Add that to the list of things I never thought I'd hear my mother say.

EMILY

(comes out from the cockpit and starts to examine the plane) Well, hello, Lorelai. What are you doing here?

LORELAI

Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood, you know. How about you? What are you doing here?

EMILY

I'm looking at a plane.

LORELAI

Because?

EMILY

Because you don't do something like buy a plane without looking at it first. I'm not Elvis.

LORELAI

Ah. My mistake. I thought you were. I apologize for sending those policemen badges for Christmas. Mom, dad is pretty worried about you.

EMILY

He is?

LORELAI

Yes, he said you didn't come home last night.

EMILY

I didn't?

LORELAI

Well, he said the bed looked like hadn't been slept in, and you're between maids.

EMILY

Oh, for heaven's sake! I did that. People don't even think I can make a bed? I can make a bed. I usually wind up remaking the bed after the maid makes it because she made it wrong the first place. I wonder if these seats could be moved around.

LORELAI

Mom.

EMILY

Yes?

LORELAI

You're not going to buy a plane.

EMILY

Tell your father I'm fine and I'll be home in an hour.

LORELAI

Mom.

EMILY

If you're not going to leave, then help. (takes a measuring tape and gives one end to Lorelai) Hold this up to the window. This plane is a time-share. We'll share it with three other people. The pilot is always on call, which means we can go anywhere we want at the drop of a hat.

LORELAI

Where would you want to go at the drop of a hat?

EMILY

Anywhere, everywhere. I could travel with your father when he works.

LORELAI

You can do that now.

EMILY

Well, I can join him later if I don't want to leave when he leaves.

LORELAI

You can do that now.

EMILY

Well, you and Luke can borrow it. You can take it up to Maine for lobster rolls or down to Florida for some sun. This fabric is just horrible. It has to go. It all has to go.

LORELAI

Mom, you can't replace the fabric.

EMILY

(mocking tone) "Mom, you can't replace the fabric! Mom you can't buy a plane".

LORELAI

It's a time-share. You have to share it with three other people.

EMILY

Then I'll buy the whole damn plane myself!

LORELAI

OK, sorry.

EMILY

You know what? I am tired of all this. I am tired of your attitude toward me. You look at me as a thing of amusement...

LORELAI

I don't.

EMILY

...Something to be pitied. To feel sorry for. "Poor, out-of-touch Emily. She has nothing. She lives to organize parties and frivolous affairs. Who would want to do that? To be that?".

LORELAI

Mom, I've never thought that.

EMILY

If I want a plane, I'll buy a plane!

LORELAI

OK! Good! Go for it.

EMILY

It's my fault that Rory dropped out of Yale. It's my fault that she didn't go back. It's my fault that she's with Logan. It's my fault that she's not happy. It's my fault. It's all my fault.

LORELAI

It's not your fault.

EMILY

That's right, it's not my fault! I did nothing but take care of her. I bought her clothes. I got her a job. I guided her. I threw parties for her and introduced her to new people, new things, and she just... The way she talked to me, you would have been very proud.

LORELAI

No.

EMILY

Oh, yes. She looked at me just like you used to. With that defiant, "who are you to be telling me what to do?" sort of look. Then she left. Packed her things and moved out when I wasn't even there to see her go. No "thank you", no "goodbye". You would have been very, very proud.

LORELAI

Mom.

EMILY

Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, won't you, please?

LORELAI

OK. (starts to exit, but turns around) It's not the same, mom, what happened with Rory. It's not the same.

EMILY

I lost her like I lost you. Feels remarkably similar to me.

LORELAI

You didn't lose her like you lost me. She was never supposed to be there in the first place, she was always supposed to be at school. She just went back where she belonged. (turns) And you didn't lose me. (exits. Emily sits on one of the chairs and starts to cry)

AUDREY

(on phone) You're going to have to take that up with Mr.Abrams. Hold, please.

RORY

Three sugars, non-fat milk.

AUDREY

Thank you, sweetheart. (they both sip) God, you make good coffee.

RORY

I've had years of training. You got someone on hold. (leaves to sit down)

AUDREY

Right. (on phone) Thank you for calling. How may I help you? (Stuart walks up to Rory not looking too pleased)

STUART

Rory Gilmore.

RORY

(perking up) Yes, boss?

STUART

(holding up one of the huge files) Is this your portfolio?

RORY

Part of it. I've got more here if you need it. (picks up a seemingly heavy book bag) Clippings and pitches...

STUART

You do not go into other people's offices and leave things on their desks.

RORY

I know. I'm sorry.

STUART

I'm the editor of this paper. For God's sake, my office is private!

RORY

And very tidy.

STUART

Stay out of my office. (gives her the file and starts to walk away. Rory looks a bit upset. He turns around) Five minutes.

RORY

You read it?

STUART

I don't see you moving.

RORY

Did you like it?

STUART

I remember something about you being a bargain? (walks back to his office)

RORY

(following him) Oh, thank you, boss. You won't be sorry, boss. Hey, you're not going to have to fire Harry, are you?

APRIL

Hi?

LUKE

Hi.

APRIL

What are you doing here?

LUKE

Oh, I just came down to see the potato clock.

APRIL

Hmm.

LUKE

It's amazing a potato can do that.

APRIL

Potatoes are extraordinary.

LUKE

So, I guess, uh...

APRIL

Yeah. It's you.

LUKE

And you're sure?

APRIL

Absolutely. You want to see my report? (gives him the report)

LUKE

Uh, yeah. (he takes it and starts going through it a bit) Oh. It's big. (chuckles a bit) Wow, you... sure wrote a lot of... things here. Hey, wait. There's a word in here I know. (chuckles again a little more nervously) So, you're, uh... smart, huh?

APRIL

I've never been tested.

LUKE

But you... you did all this, so you must be smart. (looks at the cover of the report) April Nardini? So, your last name is Nardini?

APRIL

Yes.

LUKE

So, your mom is... (putting two and two together) Anna.

APRIL

Yes.

LUKE

Oh, Anna. Wow. I haven't seen Anna in...

APRIL

...about 12 years?

LUKE

Yeah. So, uh... how is she? Is she good?

APRIL

Yes.

LUKE

Well, you know, that's... Anna Nardini. Oh, boy. Uh, I think I... I have to sit down.

APRIL

You want my stool.

LUKE

Yeah, thanks. (April gets up, Luke sits) Thanks... I'm just, uh, a little overwhelmed here.

APRIL

You want a capri sun?

LUKE

No, that's OK. So, I'm your father.

APRIL

Yes.

LUKE

I didn't know about you.

APRIL

I know.

LUKE

If I did, I would have, uh... (some people pass by and notice Luke under his picture. Luke to them) Yeah, it's... it's me. Hi. I... I think I'm better now. (get up from the stool)

APRIL

Are you sure?

LUKE

Yeah. That's fine.

APRIL

OK. (sits back)

LUKE

So, sorry you didn't win.

APRIL

It's okay.

LUKE

I feel a little responsible.

APRIL

The solar pizza oven took first. Environmentalism is very in right now.

LUKE

Right, well... Oh. Here. (hand her the report)

APRIL

Oh, you can keep it. I've got copies.

LUKE

OK, thanks. (exhales uncomfortably) So, you want to get some ice cream or something?

APRIL

I can't. The winners have to give a presentation at six.

LUKE

Right. (with a "not so sure" expression on his face) Should I stay?

APRIL

Why?

LUKE

Right. OK. So, I guess... I'll go.

APRIL

OK. Thanks for coming by.

LUKE

Yeah. Thanks for the report. I'll pick up a scientific dictionary on the way home, see if I can figure out what it says.

APRIL

Norton makes a good one.

LUKE

Norton! Got it. OK. OK. (clears his throat) OK. (walks away)

LORELAI

Hey. Paul Anka. Huh? Fetch! (throws the ball. PA does nothing) Ah, that's it. Let it get a head start. (the telephone starts to ring and Lorelai quickly picks it up) Yes, hello?

RORY

(on the phone) Mom?

LORELAI

Rory!?

RORY

(on the phone) I got a job!

LORELAI

What? Where?

RORY

At the Stamford Gazette. It pays less than I'll spend on gas to get there, but it's a job! A writing job.

LORELAI

Yes!

RORY

And I'm going back to Yale. I already called them and talked to my Dean, and it's all arranged. I just have to find someplace to live, but, who cares. I'll figure it out.

LORELAI

And this is what you want?

RORY

Yes!

LORELAI

Are you sure?

RORY

Yes!

LORELAI

Aw, Rory!

RORY

I moved out of grandma's house.

LORELAI

Yeah, I know. I heard.

RORY

Are you home?

LORELAI

Oh, no, I'm not.

RORY

OK, I know you're home, but can I come over?

LORELAI

Yes! Yes! Come over!

RORY

'Cause I'm staying at Lane's, and I don't know if you want me to, but...

LORELAI

Tell Lane you're moving out and get your butt over here right now.

RORY

Well, okay, if you insist. (takes a turn)

LORELAI

Oh... (hears a car approaching from outside and goes over to the window. She sees Rory's car pulling in the driveway) Oh, my God.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

You look just so much more silver than I remembered. (camera follows Lorelai as she walk to the door to go outside and great Rory)

RORY

Now, come on. Is it too much to expect after a lengthy separation to get some sort of heartfelt greeting? (Lorelai comes out from the house, Rory gets out of the car and they run to each other arms -Lorelai throws the phone on the lawn- and fall into a warm and tight hug) I'm sorry.

LORELAI

You're sorry? I'm sorry.

RORY

I was so mixed-up.

LORELAI

I should have pulled you out of there.

RORY

I was stupid.

LORELAI

No, I was stupid.

RORY

I was more stupid.

LORELAI

Oh, boy. Time to get you back to Yale.

RORY

Love you, mom.

LORELAI

Oh... kid, you have no idea. (they hug tighter)

LORELAI

Rory's back.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

She's back. She's back at home, she's back at school, she got a job, and she did it all on her own. (goes behind the counter and starts putting some donats in a take-out container) She's at Lane's picking up her things, and then we're going to pull a major all-nighter. We need burgers, fries, onions rings, and anything else you can think of. Oh! I'm going to go next door and pick up some ice cream at Taylor's. (walks out from behind the counter and up to Luke) She's back. (she kisses him) We can set the date. We can get married now because Rory's back. (goes over to the diner door) Don't skimp on the fries. We don't want to lose her again. (she exits and Luke is left alone and looking miserable)