T6E8: “Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out”

LORELAI

Your impatience is very distracting.

LUKE

I said nothing.

LORELAI

I'm getting a vibe.

LUKE

I can't control my vibe.

LORELAI

Maybe I should do this alone.

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

But I need to collect my thoughts.

LUKE

The last time I left you alone with your thoughts, I came back and you were in the reds again.

LORELAI

So?

LUKE

We've ruled out red.

LORELAI

Why did we rule out red?

LUKE

Because you don't like red.

LORELAI

Right. And when I'm right, I'm right. Red would be way too much in here. Now, just give me a minute to concentrate. Cone of silence, please.

LUKE

You got it. (notices Lorelai's shoes lined on the floor) Hey, what are all your shoes doing down here?

LORELAI

You broke the cone.

LUKE

Yeah. They're gonna get ruined. (he starts picking them up)

LORELAI

Oh, well, talk to Paul Anka. He's one by one marched every pair of my shoes downstairs, and I have no idea why. Lined them up perfectly, too. Left, right, left, right. He's very anal when he misbehaves.

LUKE

Yeah. I'll clear them out.

LORELAI

No, no, no. Don't. I want him to march them back up himself. How else will he learn?

LUKE

Fine. (drops the shoes) Whatever. (pointing at Paul Anka) Weirdo. (sits on the bed opposite Lorelai)

LORELAI

Why did I say I don't like red?

LUKE

I think your exact words were, "better dead than red".

LORELAI

'Cause I'm liking red now.

LUKE

What happened to the white you picked? That was such a nice white, and you were so sure about it.

LORELAI

It didn't go with Paul Anka.

LUKE

Unbelievable.

LORELAI

Look. (holds up the paint sample to Paul Anka)

LUKE

Oh, yeah. You're right. That does not work, not at all.

LORELAI

See?

LUKE

I was kidding.

LORELAI

You know, your kidding is really slowing down the process here, big-time. Hey, uh, what about a... blue?

LUKE

We're painting the outside blue.

LORELAI

Or maybe a yellow.

LUKE

Oh, come on now. Yellow really doesn't go with Paul Anka.

LORELAI

You know, if nothing goes with him, we may have to move.

LUKE

Do you want to know the problem here?

LORELAI

Actually, no. I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can, and I don't like people pointing them out to me.

LUKE

The guys are almost done prepping the walls, and then they're gonna want to paint. If we don't have a colour for them, they're gonna have nothing to do, and then they're gonna bolt, and we won't see them again for weeks.

LORELAI

That is so cold.

LUKE

Well they go where the money is. If they're not painting, they're not earning.

LORELAI

Oh, wait. Paul Anka. Maybe he has an opinion on all this.

LUKE

Oh, I'm sure he does.

LORELAI

Okay, dude. Check them out. Don't overthink it. What looks good to you? (holds up the paint samples for him and he licks a one) Ooh! He licked the dark magenta.

LUKE

You know dogs are colour-blind.

LORELAI

Okay, technicality. What about the baseboards? Baseboards. (he licks again) Ooh! Dark magenta baseboards. Interesting choice.

LUKE

I need a beer. (gets up and makes his way to the kitchen)

LORELAI

Oh. Oh, get one for me, too, please. (at Paul Anka) How about the ceiling? (the dog licks again and Lorelai gasps) Dark magenta! You've got the queer eye, my friend. (pets Paul Anka) Oh yeah!

EMILY

(from outside the door)

Rise and shine!

RORY

No, no, no, no, no.

EMILY

(from outside the door)

It's a beautiful morning.

RORY

No rising. No shining.

EMILY

(from outside the door)

Don't let it go to waste. I'll be back in five if I don't see you.

RORY

(angry and frustrated) No, no more "back in five"! (lies back down)

LORELAI

It's perfect. A light, slightly washed-out green like you see in renaissance wall paintings, with the baseboards painted an aquamarine blue, but dulled so it's got a little Latin touch. And you paint the ceilings off-white with a hint of yellow to go great with the floors and just give the whole space a nice glow. (Lorelai sits on a stool at the counter as Luke stays behind the counter) What do you think?

LUKE

We're not painting my apartment.

LORELAI

(chuckles) Why not?

LUKE

Because we're painting your house. That's why you have the colour samples.

LORELAI

Mm-hm, and there's not enough paint to paint your place and the other place?

LUKE

There's not enough time. As you work on the perfect colours for my house and Babette's house and Mr.Lanahan's house and Sookie's house...

LORELAI

Oh, I showed Sookie that blanched almond. She flipped.

LUKE

... And the post office and the church and the odd fellows hall, the painters are getting closer and closer to being ready to paint your house. You gotta focus or...

LORELAI

Or what?

LUKE

I'm gonna take that away. (indicating at the paint-sample thingy)

LORELAI

Oh, no! You would not take my paint-sample thingy away from me.

LUKE

I most certainly would.

LORELAI

Well, that would seriously slow down the process. And I don't know if you know this, but if the painters have nothing to do, they'll move on to another job. (a townie - Maggie - and two little girls - Tilly and Megan - walk up to Luke and Lorelai)

LUKE

It's "the twilight zone". I do not know what to do here. (Lorelai notices they have company)

LORELAI

Hey. I think the lullaby league is looking for you.

LUKE

(at the girls) Oh. Yeah?

MEGAN

Mr.Danes, I'm Megan, and this is Tilly.

TILLY

Hi.

MEGAN

Um, we go to Stars Hollow Middle School. You went there. (Luke stares at the girls)

LORELAI

I think they're looking for confirmation.

LUKE

Yeah, I went.

MAGGIE

He's busy, girls. Don't keep him long.

MEGAN

Well, we're on a soccer team, and we lost our sponsor.

LORELAI

Aw, who was your sponsor?

MEGAN

Luger's bait and tackle.

LORELAI

Oh, that's right. They're shutting down. (at Luke) Luger's wife caught him at that motel with the transv... (remembers that there are kids around) sistor radio, and, uh, he retired honourably.

LUKE

So, what are you here for?

MEGAN

We were wondering if you would sponsor our team.

LUKE

Well, I don't know...

TILLY

You just have to buy our jerseys.

MEGAN

It'll say "Luke's Diner" on the back.

TILLY

Plus our name: "The bobcats". And you pitch in for trophies if we win.

MEGAN

But you don't even have to go to the games if you don't want.

TILLY

Yeah. You don't have to come.

LUKE

Girls, no offence, but I don't think so. It's not my thing.

MAGGIE

No problem. Thank him for his time, girls. (the girls look a bit sad)

MEGAN

Thank you.

TILLY

Thank you, Mr.Danes.

LUKE

You're welcome.

LORELAI

Bye. (the girls and Maggie go back to their table) Wow, Oliver Twist just kindly asked for a little more gruel, and you kicked him right in the junk.

LUKE

Who?

LORELAI

You broke those darling little girls' hearts.

LUKE

They'll find someone else.

LORELAI

How is this not your thing?

LUKE

I don't want to coach a soccer team.

LORELAI

They don't need a coach. How closely were you listening?

LUKE

Well, not that closely. Kids usually talk, but they don't say anything. You know, they just kind of yammer, so if you don't find them cute, they're just boring.

LORELAI

God, you should really have your own children's show, you know, as an alternative to the nice ones.

LUKE

You know what I mean.

LORELAI

It's just a sponsorship, and they're from your alma mater, which, by the way, is looking drab and could use a touch-up. I'd recommend the light salmon. Doesn't that mean something?

LUKE

I guess a little.

LORELAI

You don't even have to go to the games, and you'd get to have your name on the back of the jerseys. Free advertising, how cool is that?

LUKE

Well, yeah, that might be all right.

LORELAI

Hey, and you'll get that photo that sponsors get of the whole team sitting on the field, and you can display it like Al's Pancake World does. Ooh, Al... that sea-green with burnt-sienna trim.

LUKE

(grabs the sample thingy away from her) I warned you.

LORELAI

OH! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Come on. Give it back, please. I'm jonesing. I need my colours. Please. (he gives it back)

LUKE

Think they're any good?

LORELAI

I don't know if that matters.

LUKE

Hey, uh, if you still want a sponsor, we can give it a shot.

MEGAN

Really?!

TILLY

Yay! (the girls get up and hug Luke)

MAGGIE

Oh, that's wonderful, Luke. Thank you.

LUKE

(a bit uncomfortable) I guess this is you being grateful.

LORELAI

(pointing at a blue shade from the sample thingy) For the jerseys.

RORY

You really get, like, no notice on these things, do you?

LOGAN

None. It's a "grab your bag and meet me at the tarmac, son, over and out", and it's always at an ungodly hour.

RORY

6:00 am?

LOGAN

That's my bedtime, for God's sake.

RORY

So. where's he dragging you this time?

LOGAN

A paper in Omaha. What state is that in again?

RORY

Nebraska.

LOGAN

Ah. Corn, farm animals, football.

RORY

Oh, and they love condescension in Nebraska, too, so hit them with that as soon as you disembark.

LOGAN

Well, you have got to be free tonight, my dear, 'cause I'm getting the group together for a blow-out. Do not tell me you're working.

RORY

I can make some time for you. (notices Emily sitting in the room she was about to enter, turns the other way and start almost whispering) Oops. Evasive manoeuvre.

LOGAN

What?

RORY

My grandmother.

LOGAN

Is she coming at you with a knife or something?

RORY

It's one thing to be forced to move into the big house, but now the big house is feeling Tom thumb tiny. My grandmother's everywhere.

LOGAN

The older generation... They have their methods of ubiquity.

RORY

I'm positive that there are at least five of her wandering the property like she's a Cylon.

LOGAN

(whispering) So, can you meet me out here tonight?

RORY

Why are you whispering?

LOGAN

Because you're whispering.

RORY

That's cute. I'll see you at your place? eight o'clock?

LOGAN

Perfect.

RORY

See you then. (hangs up the phone and is about to exit the house, but Emily comes in the room just in time and startles her)

EMILY

Rory!

RORY

Oh, hi, Grandma. I was just heading out, in kind of a hurry. (does not turn around to look at Emily)

EMILY

Heading out where?

RORY

Errands. Just errands.

EMILY

You know, Shandinka would be willing to do your errands for you. She has a used SUV.

RORY

I can do them myself.

EMILY

Is something wrong with your face?

RORY

No.

EMILY

Why are you hiding it? (Rory turns around to face Emily) It looks fine.

RORY

It is fine.

EMILY

So, are you staying overnight at Paris' again this week?

RORY

Maybe.

EMILY

That's so fun. Having a girlfriend for sleepovers. You know, Paris can sleep over here sometime if you want.

RORY

Great. Thanks.

EMILY

Your Grandfather's out of town for a few days, so it's just us girls. Got a preference for dinner tonight?

RORY

I may not make it for dinner tonight, Grandma.

EMILY

Oh. I was looking forward to it.

RORY

Sorry.

EMILY

It's always good to give 24-hours notice on these things.

RORY

Again, sorry.

EMILY

You're looking skinnier, and you're skipping dinner.

RORY

I'm not skipping dinner. I'm having dinner out.

EMILY

You're not bulimic?

RORY

I really have to go, Grandma.

EMILY

One last thing. The Russian tea for the DAR... That's going well?

RORY

Yeah. It's like clockwork. It's an easy one. Teas are easy.

EMILY

Oh! That reminds me. (goes off to the other room)

RORY

I really have to go, Grandma (quietly to herself) she said for the umpteenth time. (Emily comes back in, holding a dress)

EMILY

What do you think?

RORY

It's nice. Whose is it?

EMILY

It's for you, for the Russian tea. Want to try it on?

RORY

Later. Please. I really, really have to go.

EMILY

Well, that's something to look forward to.

RORY

Definitely.

EMILY

See you later.

RORY

See you later. (Rory exits. Outside of the house now, she takes a calming breath and walks off)

BABETTE

Oh, this is hard. This is so hard.

LORELAI

Yeah, I know.

BABETTE

I can be so indecisive. Put me in front of a bin of cantaloupe, it'll take me an hour to pick one. An hour! And this is harder than cantaloupe.

LORELAI

Come on. Focus, Babette. A green, an off-white. what do you think?

BABETTE

They all seem fine.

LORELAI

See, I don't know if you're aware of this, but if painters are ready to paint, and you don't have your colours ready, they'll leave, and you'll never see them again, so the clock is ticking here.

LUKE

(OS)

Don't let her bully you, Babette.

BABETTE

But I gotta pick a colour!

LUKE

(OS)

Lorelai's gotta pick a colour!

LORELAI

Just leave us alone out here! Go about your business! (sits on the bed close to Babette)

LUKE

(OS)

You're being cruel to Babette, and you're going to rot in hell for this.

LORELAI

I'm just getting her opinion.

BABETTE

I've caused an argument. I'm horrible.

LUKE

(OS)

You've got till close of day tomorrow, and that's it.

BABETTE

Good! That'll give me enough time!

LUKE

(OS)

Not you, Babette, Lorelai!

BABETTE

Oh, he's mad at me.

LORELAI

He's not mad at you. And he's right. It's my thing. I should do it.

BABETTE

Thank God. Well, here's the information you wanted for Paul Anka. You got your training schools. Training's always good for them.

LORELAI

Yeah, uh, I took him to a few sessions. He fell in love with a poodle and got very distracted.

BABETTE

And doggy day care. Let him run around with other dogs. Good for socializing him.

LORELAI

Well, the other dogs we've come across on walks, he'll bark at them, and then when they turn and look at him, he'll play dead. It's kind of sad.

BABETTE

Well, he's the cutest basket case I've ever seen. That's for sure. Gotta go. (they stand up)

LORELAI

Okay. Thanks for coming, Babette. This will help. So... (talking very quietly) hey, if you were gonna pick between the papaya whip I showed you and the medium spring green...

LUKE

(OS)

STOP IT!

LORELAI

God, he's got good ears.

BABETTE

See you, doll. Good luck!

LORELAI

Thanks. Bye.

BABETTE

Bye! (they walk towards the door)

LUKE

Yeah, I want the two-colour team name on the front in script and the "Luke's Diner" in a vertical arch above the number on the back.

LORELAI

"L" for Lorelai.

LUKE

"L" for Luke's.

LORELAI

Hey, our names have the same first letter.

LUKE

You like the style?

LORELAI

Classy.

LUKE

(on the phone) But I want really nice stitching, even if it costs extra. I don't care that it's double. Just do it. I want my girls to look good.

LORELAI

Listen to Daddy Warbucks.

LUKE

Yeah. 12 for the team plus three spares will do it. 15 in all. (Lorelai get his attention and point at herself - she wants a jersey) Uh, plus another medium, 16, (Lorelai points at Luke) and an extra-large men's, so 17. (Paul Anka comes on the kitchen, starts to scratch Rory's bedroom door and is whimpering. Lorelai points at him too) And one for a medium dog. Yeah. Dog. And this is a rush order. I want them for the next game. Okay, thanks, Ollie. Bye. (hangs up)

LORELAI

Those girls are gonna be styling.

LUKE

Yeah, well, they're gonna have the best uniforms in the league. I've seen pictures of the other teams. Little bag ladies.

LORELAI

Look how you've embraced this.

LUKE

Well, the more I thought about it, the more fun it seemed, you know. And my friend Ed told me the team is actually pretty good. They got a chance to go all the way.

LORELAI

Cool. Wow. They could make a movie about this someday. You know... The reluctant, handsome diner owner sponsoring a team that goes all the way to the national finals, and you know who would play you?

LUKE

Who?

LORELAI

Tobey Maguire!

LUKE

He's way younger than me.

LORELAI

But his career is hot. Go with Tobey.

LUKE

What about that Vito Morgenstern?

LORELAI

Sure. Or Viggo Mortensen.

LUKE

Oh.

LORELAI

Or Donald Sutherland.

LUKE

Too old.

LORELAI

We'll dye his hair.

LUKE

He's got jowls.

LORELAI

You're picky. (Paul Anka whimpers again and keeps on scraching Rory's door)

LUKE

What's he doing?

LORELAI

I don't know. He's been doing that a lot lately. Hey, hey, buddy, there's nothing for you there. (he lies down) He need geritol? He's been lethargic lately. He's depressed or something. (Luke takes the phone again and starts dialling) Who are you calling?

LUKE

Just saw something in this thing. (on phone) Hey, Ollie, it's Luke Danes again. Listen, I was looking through your brochure again. You can make caps, too, right?

LORELAI

Soccer players wear caps?

LUKE

(at Lorelai) No, I just think they'll look cute in them. (on phone) Yeah, what's your highest quality cap you got there? Yeah, I don't want plastic in the sizing. It's cheapo. You got that kind that you kind of pull on the cloth thingy to size it, right? (Lorelai gets up and bends over Paul Anka to pet him) Great. Well, give me 20 of those.

FINN

"Met her".

COLIN

Cool. A girl-on-girl thing. (the song goes "there I took her life") It's a snuff film.

FINN

A lesbian snuff film. (she repeats the last couple of verses)

COLIN

A redundant lesbian snuff film. How INXS missed her, I don't know.

LOGAN

Raise a glass to INXS.

FINN

My countrymen, I'm less than proud to say.

COLIN

I cannot, cannot believe they've reinstated folk night at my beloved pub.

FINN

It's a travesty!

JULIET

Is there any alcohol left in the state of Connecticut that's not inside them?

ROSEMARY

I doubt it.

LOGAN

So, boys, another round?

COLIN

Posthaste. Barkeep!

RORY

You've hardly touched the drink in front of you.

LOGAN

Ah, but I'm anticipating. You don't wait till the drink's done to order another. That's for amateurs.

RORY

Right. I forgot you went pro.

LOGAN

So, boys, boys, when is the Life & Death Brigade going out again? We have been remiss.

COLIN

I have ideas. Big ideas. Potentially harmful ideas. (another customer from a near by table turns at them)

CUSTOMER

Hey, you mind?

COLIN

Boyfriend?

FINN

Brother.

COLIN

Or both. He could be southern.

LOGAN

Hey. New drinking game. Every time the folk singer sounds sincere, we have to take a drink.

JULIET

Buckle up. It's gonna be a long night.

FINN

Come on. Start folding your own, gents. (he folds up a piece of napkin and throws it towards the stage) Whoever hits the folk singer first wins. (Colin follows his lead)

FINN

Good morning, New Haven! My, my, you look fresh and appealing tonight!

MAN

(OS)

Shut up!

FINN

God has spoken to me... rather rudely.

MAN

(OS)

Shut up!

RORY

Finn, keep it down.

COLIN

(climbs on car and hold on to a street light pole) Finn, watch. Tostingo! (throws a glass he was holding in the air, Finn pretends to be shooting at it and it shatters)

MAN

(OS)

Hey... Shut up!

LOGAN

Why are we leaving, Ace?

RORY

Because they're closing.

LOGAN

That's no excuse.

RORY

We've overstayed our welcome.

LOGAN

That makes me sad.

RORY

You've gotta get your plane in the morning.

JULIET

Have I gained weight?

ROSEMARY

Why?

JULIET

Finn didn't make a pass at me.

FINN

No, love, my brain is cloudy. Here I am making a pass at you. Pass, pass!

COLIN

That is so expositional.

RORY

Guys, just get in the car. (the boys look in through the open car door but don't move)

COLIN

I've forgotten how to get into a car.

FINN

Me too. Rory, did you have your owner's manual with you, love?

RORY

Oh, my god. Just get in! (starts pushing them in)

JULIET

Bon voyage.

ROSEMARY

Good luck with your ringling. (the girls walk off)

LOGAN

One more drink. (he stalks off back to the bar. One of the workers is closing the gate)

COLIN

Oh, we've got a runner!

LOGAN

Come on (Rory runs after Logan)

RORY

Logan!

LOGAN

Hey, come on. Let me in. (steadying himself on the pub's gate)

RORY

Oh, Logan, they're closed.

LOGAN

I have to apologize to that folk singer.

RORY

She's not here. Everyone's gone.

LOGAN

I hurt her feelings.

RORY

She's a folk singer. She's used to it. Come on. (she grabs him and starts walking him back to the car)

LOGAN

I don't want to go to Omaha tomorrow.

RORY

I know.

LOGAN

It's boring.

RORY

I know.

LOGAN

And it's not here.

RORY

Come on. Yeah.

LOGAN

I don't like steaks or insurance or football or anything else that they have there.

RORY

You like steaks.

LOGAN

Do they even have electricity there?

RORY

Yeah. Yeah. They just got it last year.

LOGAN

Don't make me go.

RORY

I'm not making you go. I'm just trying to get you home.

LOGAN

But getting me home means that I have to go to sleep, and when I wake up, I have to go on a plane to Omaha. (they finally reach the car and Rory tries to help Logan in) Where's Omaha? Where's Omaha?

RORY

Oh. Just get in, please.

LOGAN

(as he sits gets in) Aah! Ahh! (Rory looks around for Colin and Finn. They are gone)

RORY

Colin? Finn?

MAN

(OS)

Shut up!

RORY

Guys!

MAN

(OS)

Shut up!

RORY

Jess. (he opens the gate and help himself in)

JESS

Hey.

RORY

Hey.

RORY

I... sorry. That wasn't a sentence.

JESS

I got the gist. (he walks up to her)

RORY

What are you doing here?

JESS

I got a job. Professional driveway stalker.

RORY

Pays good?

JESS

Yeah, but the hours suck.

RORY

Jess... ?

JESS

I'm in town on a little business. All nice and aboveboard.

RORY

How'd you know where to find me?

JESS

Luke. I shook it out of him. He wasn't sure if it was okay.

RORY

It's okay. You look good. The years don't seem to have hardened you.

JESS

Yeah, you look good, too. I know this is kind of weird, but there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Show you, actually. (Rory looks up at the house, Jess notices) I can come back another time.

RORY

No, it's just, uh, we're kind of exposed here. My... her window's, like, right there.

JESS

Whose?

RORY

Uh, my Grandma's. You want to come in?

JESS

You sure?

RORY

Yeah. Come on. But just be careful. She's a very light sleeper. (they start walking towards the house)

RORY

So, here we are.

JESS

Casa Rory. (Rory closes the door, takes a pillow from the bed and puts it on the foot of the door. Jess looks on)

RORY

So our voices don't carry.

JESS

Very prudent.

RORY

This is not really my taste.

JESS

Yeah, not unless you've aged about 90 years.

RORY

I haven't.

JESS

Is that for Halloween? (pointing at the dress Emily was showing Rory earlier)

RORY

No, no. This is just for a function I have to go to.

JESS

Function?

RORY

It's just a job. The DAR. Daughters of the American Revolution. It's not a career or anything.

JESS

I hope not.

RORY

No. See, don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here temporarily. My mom and I...

JESS

Luke alluded to something.

RORY

It's a long story. I was crashing in the pool house, and that was just temporary, but the pool house became storage, so then I had to move into the main house. All temporary.

JESS

Isn't school in session?

RORY

Mm-hmm.

JESS

Why aren't you living on campus?

RORY

Because I'm not going.

JESS

You graduate already, Doogie?

RORY

No. I'm just taking a little time off.

JESS

Time off.

RORY

So, where are you living, Jess? I want to know about you, mystery man.

JESS

I'm in Philly.

RORY

Really?

JESS

Don't laugh.

RORY

No, I'm not. Philadelphia's gotten cool.

JESS

And New York's gotten expensive. Anyway, it's a pretty cool scene in Philly now. Lot of younger people there... pretty big art scene.

RORY

I know. I read that in the New York Times. They had a picture of a bunch of young people standing on a roof, kind of eclectic and all. It looked fun. I mean, it was clearly one of those pictures that wasn't candid. It was looking a little stiff, but they looked happy.

JESS

Are you nervous?

RORY

A little. It's been a long time.

JESS

I'm a little nervous, too.

RORY

Good. I'm not alone.

JESS

So, I didn't just come here to chat. I wanted to show you something. (takes hios bag and starts looking for something)

RORY

Right. You said that.

JESS

Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her)

RORY

Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'... written by Jess Mariano."

JESS

It's no misprint.

RORY

You wrote a book?

JESS

A short novel.

RORY

You wrote a book?!

JESS

And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it.

RORY

You wrote a book.

JESS

There's no money in it. They only printed like 500 of them. Believe me, I'm not quitting my day job.

RORY

But you wrote it. You wrote a book. (gets up and starts pacing around flipping the pages a bit)

JESS

Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe.

RORY

You sat down and wrote a novel.

JESS

Author-distributed, too. That's what I'm doing here. I'm going around begging independent bookstores to put it in stock. Got it in a few.

RORY

Cool! Where?

JESS

Around.

RORY

I want to see it in a store.

JESS

I can give you the addresses.

RORY

You know what I'm gonna do when I see it in the store?

JESS

What?

RORY

You know that section toward the front, the staff recommendations? I'm gonna grab a copy of your book and put it in that section, and then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it.

JESS

Read it first. That way you can discourage people from buying it.

RORY

No way! I know it's good. (she sits again) Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it.

JESS

I know you did. I work at that press now. Five smelly guys in a cramped room on Locust Street putting out about three books a month. But it's fun.

RORY

What about a sequel? Are you writing a sequel?

JESS

You should read it before you get too jazzed about it, okay?

RORY

Shh! (they are quiet for a few seconds and Rory looks alert. After a bit she sighs) Sorry. I thought I heard footsteps. I think we're okay.

JESS

It's kind of late. I should go.

RORY

It is kind of late. (they both get up and start moving to the door)

JESS

So, I just basically wanted to show you that. Uh, tell you... tell you that I couldn't have done it without you.

RORY

Thanks.

JESS

I'm gonna be around for a couple days. Can we talk again? Preferably above a whisper.

RORY

Yeah. I'd like that. How about tomorrow night?

JESS

Eight okay?

RORY

Yep.

JESS

Good. I'll sneak out on my own.

RORY

Cool. (they get to the door. Jess picks up the pillow and gives it to Rory. She sees the book in her hand) Oh, hey. The book.

JESS

Oh, it's yours. (he leaves and closes the door. Rory sits on her bed and starts going through the book a bit)

LORELAI

So, where are the bleachers?

LUKE

Oh, they don't have bleachers at soccer games. They just stand on the sidelines.

LORELAI

But, where do we go if we feel like making out in the middle of the game?

LUKE

I don't think they'd mind if we did it right here in front of them.

LORELAI

Cool. Got a nice crowd here, Mr.Sponsor.

LUKE

Not bad. Not bad.

LORELAI

So, these are soccer moms, huh?

LUKE

They're just really bored spinsters.

LORELAI

They seem very concerned with education and national security. (Luke chuckles. Maggie sees the tow of them walking around and runs up to the)

MAGGIE

Luke! Hi! You came!

LUKE

Oh, yeah. I thought I'd come down, see the girls in action.

MAGGIE

Oh, they give it their all. You'll be proud.

LUKE

I'm sure I will.

LORELAI

Look at those girls. Look how cute they are in those uniforms.

LUKE

Check out the other team's. Cheap fabric, cheap stitching.

LORELAI

Look at the sponsor. Fred's dry cleaning. Ruined a favorite sweater years ago. Today he pays. (Tilly and Megan run up to Luke and Lorelai)

MEGAN

Luke!

TILLY

You came!

LUKE

Hey, girls. You ready to play?

MEGAN

We hope so.

LUKE

The other team? I think you're gonna wipe the floor with them.

MEGAN

I think we've got a shot.

LUKE

No, I know you've got a shot. Don't forget. We're having a little celebration at the diner afterwards, win or lose.

MEGAN

Cool.

TILLY

We better get back.

LUKE

All right. Have a good game.

MEGAN

See ya!

LORELAI

Bend it like Beckham! (the girls run off) Oh, so, I dropped Paul Anka off at doggy day care. It was a little scary.

LUKE

No, that'll be good for him.

LORELAI

He seemed okay. He was a little standoffish at first, but then he got very friendly with the cash register. And then a dog ran up to him, and he played dead for a couple seconds, and when that didn't work, he ran off playing with the other dogs. I think it's gonna do him some good.

LUKE

I think so, too. (the game begins) Oh, here we go.

LORELAI

Oh, who got the ball?

LUKE

Well, The Bobcats lost the toss, so the other team got the ball.

LORELAI

So, we've lost already?

LUKE

Just the toss. It means nothing.

LORELAI

How many points are we behind 'cause we screwed up the tossing?

LUKE

Nothing, it just started. 0-0.

LORELAI

Were we talking during the toss? How did we miss the toss?

LUKE

Just watch the game.

LORELAI

Okay. Look at that Megan run.

LUKE

Ooh, she's making her move.

LORELAI

She's fast.

LUKE

Yeah, see her coming up behind that girl? She's gonna try to steal and then move the ball forward and get it to the...

LORELAI

OH!

LUKE

OH! What was that?

SOCCER DAD

Good hustle, girls! Good hustle!

LORELAI

Is that girl unconscious?

LUKE

No, no, no. She's getting up. She's a little-little wobbly though.

LORELAI

Is it okay for Megan to slam her elbow in that girl's neck like that?

LUKE

I don't think... (Tilly attacks girl who falls down) Oh, my God!

LORELAI

Oh! That was poor little Tilly.

LUKE

There's blood. I see blood.

LORELAI

Who is their coach? Sam Peckinpah?

MAGGIE

Way to go, Tilly. Dominate. Dominate.

LORELAI

Shouldn't that be a foul or something?

MAGGIE

Oh, don't worry. Tilly is an expert at knowing when the ref is watching and when he isn't. Agression! Agression! Agression!

LORELAI

I cannot watch this. (hides her eyes. Luke keeps on watching the game which, from all the noises one can tell, is quite violent. We hear bunch and a groan, and Luke kinda steps back) Ah! I heard that. It was just as bad as seeing it.

LUKE

Now I think that girl's unconscious.

LORELAI

It was... it was...

LUKE

Violent.

LORELAI

"Scarface" on a soccer field.

LUKE

Those little girls. Megan, Tilly.

LORELAI

Animals! Animals!

LUKE

Did you see the blood on their jerseys?

LORELAI

Oh, I did! I did see that. And the refs, they look like they're afraid to call penalties.

LUKE

Can you blame them?

LORELAI

It's Alicia. Duck. (they duck)

LUKE

Ohh... she's not coming after us. Although she is walking right toward us. Oh! She turned.

LORELAI

Oh, thank God. (they sit up straight again)

LUKE

She turned away.

LORELAI

Okay.

LUKE

Oh, those sweet, little 11-year-old girls.

LORELAI

Killers! Killers all!

LUKE

They won. They won that game.

LORELAI

Bobcats 37, humanity nothing. I don't want to go to another game.

LUKE

Me neither.

LORELAI

Good. (they look around a bit)

LUKE

Seems like a good time to get away.

LORELAI

Yeah, they're all distracted. Gun it! Gun it! (Luke starts the car and they drive off)

RORY

What are you doing?

JESS

(whispering) I didn't know if it was okay to ring or not.

RORY

She's not here.

JESS

(normal volume) She's not?

RORY

She's playing bridge tonight.

JESS

Oh, good. I parked on the street so she wouldn't see.

RORY

You're very good at covert ops.

JESS

Years of practice. So, where do you want to go?

RORY

I don't know. I don't know the area that well.

JESS

You live here.

RORY

I know, but Hartford's still a mystery. Even when I went to Chilton, I got right on the bus and headed home. So I don't even have any old high school hangouts to revisit. And these days, I've just been eating here.

JESS

Well, I just prefer not going someplace that has food in the title.

RORY

Meaning...

JESS

Olive, chilli, soup. No gardens. No plantations.

RORY

Got it. Something funkier.

JESS

Steer me to the college district. I'll find us something funky.

RORY

Sounds good. (a car drives up. It's Logan. Jess looks at Rory, she looks at Logan as he exits the car smiling) Logan.

LOGAN

Am I interrupting something? (he walks up to them)

RORY

No. Hey. When did you get back?

LOGAN

Couple hours ago.

RORY

Oh, I... I thought you were getting back tomorrow.

LOGAN

I thought I'd surprise you, Ace.

RORY

Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess)

LOGAN

How you doing? (they shake)

JESS

Okay.

RORY

We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.

LOGAN

Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay?

JESS

Okay by me.

LOGAN

Good

RORY

All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.

LOGAN

Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us.

JESS

Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture)

LOGAN

Great. Come on.

LORELAI

Baby. (feeling his nose) Ohh.

LUKE

Look. I'm not saying take a dive or let them win...

TILLY

Good burger.

LUKE

Thanks, I'm not even saying let them score a goal, which the other team did not. (Megan and Tilly high-five)

MEGAN

Yeah! Shutout!

TILLY

Donut!

SOCCER GIRL

They ate some dirt.

LUKE

They did. They did. They ate some dirt. You fed it to them, but all I'm saying is do you have to hit them so hard?

MEGAN

It's part of the game.

TILLY

Yeah, you have to be aggressive, or they'll roll over you.

MEGAN

You're not being competitive if your jersey doesn't have a little O negative on it.

LUKE

I know. Absolutely. But, uh, for example, Megan, that bicycle kick you did.

MEGAN

Bicycle kicks are allowed.

LUKE

Not on another girl's head.

MEGAN

She was all up in my grill!

LUKE

I know, and I don't like it when people are all up in my grill, but there are other ways to deal with it.

TILLY

We play the way the boys play.

SOCCER GIRL

Watch them. You'll see.

LUKE

But boys are boys, and girls are girls. (the girls react and Luke is a bit shocked)

MEGAN

I cannot believe I'm hearing this.

TILLY

So we're just supposed to play like cute little girls like we're at some tea party?

LUKE

I'm not saying that.

TILLY

We want to win. Which means we gotta kick some butt!

THE WHOLE TEAM

Yeah!

LUKE

(looking at Tilly stunned) You were so shy when I met you. (the telephone rings) I'll be right back. (Luke walks over to the counter to get the phone and listens to girls, resigned, for a bit talking about how they "creamed those guys". On the phone) Luke's.

LORELAI

Hey. It's me.

LUKE

Hey, what's wrong?

LORELAI

It's Paul Anka. He's sick.

LUKE

He's sick?

LORELAI

Yeah. He doesn't want to walk or eat or anything. He's never been sick in his whole life. I mean, I haven't had him his whole life, so it's possible that he's been sick in his life. I'll never know for sure, but to me it's as if it's the first time he's ever been sick.

LUKE

He got sick when he ate that chocolate. Did he eat more chocolate?

LORELAI

He hasn't eaten chocolate. He hasn't eaten anything in two days.

LUKE

Get him to the vet.

LORELAI

I did. The vet just said that he has some sort of bug and to let him be until it passes. I feel so helpless.

LUKE

Well, I've got the team here, so as soon as they're gone, I'll come over. I mean, they wolf it down like pigs, so it's not gonna be that long unless they want a third helping.

LORELAI

Maybe I should take him back to the vet.

LUKE

Just let Paul Anka be. Dogs are dogs. They know how to heal.

LORELAI

Paul Anka isn't a dog. He's some sort of hybrid. Maybe that vet doesn't specialize in hybrids.

LUKE

Sit tight. I'll be over soon.

LORELAI

Okay. Bye.

LUKE

Bye. (they hang up. Luke turns around just in time to hear the girls laughing and Megan say)

MEGAN

She went one way and her knee went the other. (the girls cheer as Luke sighs and walks back over to them)

LOGAN

I live pretty close. I'd have had you over to check it out, but it's a bit of a mess.

RORY

And you don't serve food, so we would have been starving at your place.

LOGAN

I've got appetizers, half-full bag of chips. Just check the expiration date before you dive in.

JESS

I'm good with this place.

LOGAN

Little pointer. Don't come on folk night.

JESS

Yeah, I'm not a big fan of folk music.

LOGAN

Something we have in common.

JESS

Great. (looks at Rory who looks back at him a bit uncomfortable)

LOGAN

Where's a waitress? (at a waitress) Yo, yo. Right here. Uh, another McKellen's neat, and, Jess, another brew?

JESS

I'm still working on this one.

LOGAN

Another one, just in case. (the waitress walks off)

RORY

Well, we should probably order. It's a big menu, so if you need guidance...

JESS

I'm not hungry.

LOGAN

You're not hungry?

JESS

Nope.

LOGAN

I thought the whole point was you two were going to get something to eat?

RORY

And talk.

LOGAN

Well, yes, it's a given that you're gonna talk while you eat. You know, chef de cuisine will gladly make anything you want if nothing there appeals.

RORY

The burgers are good here.

JESS

Maybe a burger.

LOGAN

Get one of those fancy ones, too, and it's on me, so don't let the price stop you.

JESS

I'll pay for my own. (looking through his menu)

LOGAN

Good man. (reading his menu) So, how long have you two known each other?

JESS

(closes the menu) A while.

LOGAN

You date?

RORY

Yes. We used to date.

LOGAN

Ah! No hemming. No hawing. Good course of action. (closes his menu) So, were you two high school sweethearts? Rock around the clock, two straws in the milkshake?

RORY

Logan.

LOGAN

Hey, did we cheers? I don't think we cheered. That's bad luck. Let's cheers.

JESS

I think we did already, twice.

LOGAN

Well, let's do it again. Cheers.

LOGAN

So... what do you do, Jess?

JESS

Oh, this and that.

LOGAN

Describe the "this". Describe the "that".

RORY

He writes.

LOGAN

You write? Impressive. What do you write?

JESS

Nothing important.

RORY

He wrote a book.

LOGAN

Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?

JESS

Wasn't quite that ambitious.

LOGAN

So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?

JESS

You seem very obsessed with length.

LOGAN

I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.

RORY

It's a short novel.

LOGAN

(at Rory) Any good?

RORY

I haven't read it yet.

LOGAN

Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something.

JESS

Yeah.

LOGAN

You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?

JESS

No.

LOGAN

You should send me a copy.

JESS

Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

RORY

Jess. (Jess picks up his coat and get up)

LOGAN

Whoa, whoa. We're just trying to keep it friendly here, buddy. (Logan gets up and blocks his way)

JESS

Get out of my way. (Jess by-passes him and walks out. Rory gets up and follows Jess)

LOGAN

Forget him, Rory.

RORY

Don't follow me.

RORY

Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry.

JESS

We shouldn't have done this.

RORY

He's just in a bad way lately.

JESS

He's a jerk.

RORY

He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.

JESS

I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.

RORY

Well, I didn't want you to.

JESS

He better not come out here.

RORY

Please, Jess. He had a lot to drink. He's tired from travelling. This isn't him. I swear.

JESS

What the hell is going on?

RORY

I told you. He's tired, and his family's bugging him right now.

JESS

No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?

RORY

What do you mean?

JESS

You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.

RORY

I don't know.

JESS

What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale... why did you drop out of Yale?!

RORY

It's complicated.

JESS

It's not! It's not complicated.

RORY

You don't know.

JESS

This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.

RORY

You caught him on a bad night.

JESS

This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

RORY

I don't know. I don't know.

JESS

Hey, uh... may-may-maybe we'll catch up at a better time. (he starts to leave, but stops and turns) Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday? (Rory nods. Jess nods back, smiles and leaves. Rory watches him go for a bit and re-enters the pub angry and determined)

LOGAN

You're not gonna believe this. Over the music, the crowd, I hear one girl's voice cutting through it all, the folk singer. She's in the corner with her boyfriend. I sent them over a round of drinks. What the hell? He gone?

RORY

Yes, he's gone.

LOGAN

Writers are so sensitive.

RORY

You were a jerk, Logan.

LOGAN

I was just challenging him. Jeez. Hey, if Hemingway can take it, so can he. Hey, if he wanted to, he could have taken a pop at me. Pugnacity! It's a vital component of literary life. Again, consult your Hemingway. Come on. Do not let this guy get to you.

RORY

You're getting to me.

LOGAN

Me?

RORY

Yes. You were an ass.

LOGAN

Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here.

RORY

Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him.

LOGAN

I did not mock him.

RORY

He's doing something.

LOGAN

Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.

RORY

I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.

LOGAN

That's temporary. Have a drink.

RORY

Temporary can turn into forever.

LOGAN

You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.

RORY

I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?

LOGAN

Again, temporary. Have a drink.

RORY

And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.

LOGAN

Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this.

RORY

I didn't say anything about you.

LOGAN

Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no.

RORY

It's all we do.

LOGAN

It's not all we do.

RORY

It's all you do.

LOGAN

Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.

RORY

Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.

LOGAN

Got a week?

RORY

You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.

LOGAN

No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.

RORY

It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.

LOGAN

Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.

RORY

How hard are you fighting it?

LOGAN

I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?

RORY

Oh, I'm not going off with Jess. (Logan sighs tired form the fight)

LOGAN

Come on.

RORY

Where?

LOGAN

Let's go. I want to go. I don't want to be here.

RORY

I don't want to go.

LOGAN

Well, I drove you here, and I want to go!

RORY

(determined) I don't want to go.

LOGAN

Fine. (takes some money and throws it on the table) That'll cover the bill, cab. Do whatever you want. It's your choice. (Logan leaves and Rory is left alone watching him go)

EMILY

Rory, it's 7:30. (no answer so she knocks again) Rory? (she opens the door and enters)

LUKE

Lorelai? (no answer so he gets out of bed, and starts making his way to Rory's room looking around for Lorelai. He reaches Rory's bedroom door, looks in and enters)

LORELAI

Is he okay?

LUKE

Yeah. He looks the same.

LORELAI

Is he breathing?

LUKE

He's breathing.

LORELAI

Nice and steady?

LUKE

He's fast asleep.

LORELAI

Good.

LUKE

You been here all night?

LORELAI

Uh, I kept thinking I heard him.

LUKE

Yeah, he does snore occasionally.

LORELAI

And then he was cold, so I put his jersey on him.

LUKE

Yeah, I think he likes it.

LORELAI

Yeah. Every time I'd go back up to bed, you know, after checking on him, I just was convinced that he needed me, so I came back, and finally I just ended up here.

LUKE

Ah, it's as good a place as any.

LORELAI

Yeah. He doesn't want to eat anything. I had all these milk-bones ready for him, but he doesn't want anything.

LUKE

What's the baster for?

LORELAI

In case he's thirsty, but he can't lift his head, so I can just shoot water in his mouth.

LUKE

Got it.

LORELAI

(sighs) Doesn't seem to want anything.

LUKE

He's gonna be okay. He's strong.

LORELAI

He's so helpless. It must be so awful to be sick when you're a dog... 'cause you can't run or play and you don't watch TV or do anything to pass the time. Watching a lot of TV is the only good part about being sick.

LUKE

I know.

LORELAI

And the thing with the shoes. He was trying to tell me something.

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

He was trying to tell me to put my shoes on and take him to the vet because he felt something coming on, and he was trying to ward it off, and I didn't take him.

LUKE

I don't think that's why he was playing with your shoes.

LORELAI

I tried so hard. I have a list of things that he's afraid of on the fridge, and I tried to do the right thing. I should not have so socialized him at Kirk's doggy day care the other day. I should have taken him to the best doggy day care in the country, even if it was in Seattle. That's where I should have taken him.

LUKE

He's fine hanging with Kirk.

LORELAI

I did this wrong. I did this all wrong. How could I have let this happen? How did I not see it coming? How didn't I step in and do something, and... why can't I fix these things?

LUKE

Hey. (he starts playing with her hair trying to comfort her)

LORELAI

(really starting to loose it now) I'm a bad mother!

LUKE

You're not a bad mother. Oh. Did you sleep at all?

LORELAI

A little.

LUKE

You stay home this morning. I'll call Sookie and tell her you'll be late. He's gonna be okay.

LORELAI

I hope so. (Luke reaches up to her and kisses her head)

LUKE

Everything's gonna be okay. (they sit and watch Paul Anka)

LANE

Good morning, friend.

RORY

Back at you, friend. Where are the guys?

LANE

Uh, they go to work early. I made you coffee.

RORY

Oh, I've got time for a sip. (Lane bring the pot and a mug and starts pouring) Thanks for letting me crash here.

LANE

Anytime you want.

RORY

I might take you up on that.

LANE

I can't wait to hear the whole story.

RORY

(after a long sip) Still living it.

LANE

So, I got a message on my cell phone, from your grandmother.

RORY

On your cell phone?

LANE

How did she get the number?

RORY

Ugh. She's Emily Gilmore. I gotta run. Bye. (starts gathering her things)

LANE

Drive carefully. (Rory exits)

RORY

A fresh platter is all we need. Thanks.

EMILY

I need to go somewhere and have a little talk with you.

RORY

Later, Grandma. I'm needed out here.

EMILY

Young lady, I insist that we go somewhere and talk right now.

RORY

Grandma, I am sorry. I can't.

EMILY

There's a kitchen here. We'll go there.

RORY

No. I'm not going to the kitchen with you. We'll talk later.

EMILY

Must they play those damn guitars?

RORY

They're balalaikas.

EMILY

They're too loud.

RORY

They're Russian, and they're not mic'ed. That's their volume.

EMILY

I'm not liking this tone of yours.

RORY

Well, you're forcing the tone, Grandma. I said I'll talk to you later, but right now, I'm not leaving this room. (walks off, making her way through the hall and Emily follows her)

EMILY

Where were you last night? Why didn't you call?

RORY

You're overreacting.

EMILY

You're not wearing your dress.

RORY

I didn't have time to go home.

EMILY

You almost missed the event.

RORY

No. I was early for the event. What I missed was your inspection of me back at the house. That's what you're upset about.

EMILY

My inspections, missy, are for your own good. You're new to the DAR. You don't know the proper procedure for things, the proper dress.

RORY

I do okay.

EMILY

This is not just about me. Everyone was worried about you.

RORY

You mean everyone you called when you took my private address book and tried to find me?

EMILY

Yes, I did call people.

RORY

Well, you shouldn't have.

EMILY

A lot of good it did. You should update that ridiculous address book of yours. Half the numbers were disconnected.

RORY

Oh, I'll do that.

EMILY

You have people in there you haven't spoken to for years. You should remove them.

RORY

Uh-huh.

EMILY

I'm throwing that book out.

RORY

Do not throw that book out.

EMILY

Do not use that tone with me.

RORY

I want to be very clear.

EMILY

You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day.

RORY

And you are becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day.

EMILY

That's it! That's it!

RORY

What's it?

EMILY

You're grounded.

RORY

Grounded?

EMILY

Yes.

RORY

I'm 21. You can't ground me.

EMILY

And no more sleepovers at Paris' house.

RORY

Grandma, I go wherever I want, whenever I want. And I haven't been sleeping at Paris' house three nights a week. I've been at Logan's.

EMILY

When your father gets home, we're going to talk about the house rules and be on the same page once and for all.

RORY

You mean my grandfather.

EMILY

You know what I meant.

RORY

Well, I'd have to be living at the house to have house rules.

EMILY

What does that mean?

RORY

Excuse me. (turns around and walks away in a huff)

EMILY

(calling after her) Young lady, do not walk away from me. (Emily seeing as the conversation is over starts to leave, obviously upset, as the band keeps on playing)