T6E6: “Welcome to the Doll House!”

LORELAI

Hi!

SOOKIE

Hey! Haven't started yet.

LORELAI

Oh, good. Sorry I'm late. I found Paul Anka hiding underneath the kitchen sink, chewing on one of my favorite pairs of shoes.

SOOKIE

Boy, that guy's career has really hit the skids. [She giggles and Lorelai rolls her eyes.] Okay, that is officially my last 'Paul Anka the person is living in your house' joke.

TAYLOR

Hello, everybody. Thank you all for coming. We have a packed agenda tonight so why don't we get started? First off, a little update on the improvements to the post office building -

ANDREW

What be this?

KIRK

A gathering of some kind.

ANDREW

Be it safe, or shall I raise my musket?

KIRK

Patience, brother! Despite the disturbing sight of women in pantaloons -

LORELAI

Oh, I hope this isn't an audience participation thing.

TAYLOR

Excuse me, but we're in the middle of something here! Who are you?

GYPSY

It's Kirk!

KIRK

I am Phineas and this is my brother, Zebediah. We have come a long way. Through space and time.

ANDREW

We hail from Stars Hollow. I, a silversmith and he, a simple cobbler.

KIRK

With good rates. I will cobble you a... cobbled thing for a haypenny.

SOOKIE

Does Kirk know what a cobbler is?

LORELAI

I'm guessing no.

TAYLOR

But I know all the denizens of Stars Hollow. I don't recognize you!

GYPSY

It's Kirk and Andrew!

TAYLOR

[Speaking strongly]

Gypsy.

GYPSY

It is!

KIRK

And we do not recognize you. As residents of the year 1779, all looks foreign to us.

LORELAI

Who's going to tell him those outfits are so 1778?

TAYLOR

Why, you have sojourned from the very year of Stars Hollow's founding! I pray, good sirs, do you still find our town pleasing?

KIRK

Yes, but much has changed. Samuel Munson's apothecary is gone, and with it, his leeches.

ANDREW

And Old Clay's gambling hall, where we did frolic with wenches.

KIRK

We are without leeches and wenches.

ANDREW

And most disorienting, the street names. They're all so different!

KIRK

We were looking for Blacksmith's Road and found Peach Street.

ANDREW

And for Longman's Leap and found Second Avenue.

TAYLOR

That must be very confusing. Pray, tell me, how may we ease your passage?

KIRK

If the town were to return to it's old street names, we would more easily find our way.

TAYLOR

[theatrically]

The old street names, you say! Gentlemen, do take seats while I confer with my contemporaries.

GYPSY

Who are you fooling?

KIRK

Shh!

GYPSY

You're wearing tube socks.

TAYLOR

Ladies and gentlemen, our tourism revenue is off twenty-six percent from the previous fiscal year. In that same time, Woodbury and Cogsville's revenue has jumped. That's because they are highlighting their heritage, thus increasing their charm. The more charm a town has, the greater its tourism revenue.

MISS PATTY

We've got charm.

BABETTE

Yeah! You wouldn't believe the bikini waxes Lisa's doing at the beauty parlor! Any shape you can imagine. So clever. And charming.

TAYLOR

But not historically charming. Which is why I'm proposing changing our street names back to what they were at Stars Hollow's founding.

MISS PATTY

Isn't that going to cost a lot of money?

BABETTE

Yeah, Taylor, you hate spending money.

TAYLOR

This is an investment in our future.

GYPSY

I'll have to buy new business cards.

LORELAI

I think it would be kinda cool.

MISS PATTY

Really?

LORELAI

Yeah. I like old-timey stuff, and the Dragonfly's on Third Street, which is kind of boring.

TAYLOR

Well, thank you, Lorelai, for your sound opinion. I think it's one of my better ideas.

LORELAI

I agree. It's not like the time you guaranteed the tourists a mosquito-free summer and then released hundreds of bats all over town.

MISS PATTY

Oh, that was a stinker.

SOOKIE

Or how about when he was trying to attract families to visit the town by driving his van around other towns and beckoning kids with candy!

GYPSY

That was dumb.

BABETTE

Really dumb!

TAYLOR

So... we're saying this is a good idea?

LORELAI

That is what we're saying.

TAYLOR

Let's put it to a vote, then, shall we? All those in favour raise hands.

TAYLOR

Excellent, then the motion is passed and we shall change our street names! [He bangs the gavel.] Now, our next order of business -

BABETTE

Oh, wait! What about when he had us re-enact the Boston Tea Party in the lake!

TAYLOR

[warning]

Babette.

GYPSY

What a disaster.

MISS PATTY

We're still paying off the EPA fines!

TAYLOR

Folks, please.

LORELAI

What about the museum of rocks that looked like famous people?

SOOKIE

Ooh, that's my favorite!

LANE

Here you go, scooped bagel, cream cheese, jam.

LORELAI

Thank you! Did you save the scoopings? [Lane brings up an extra plate.] I love you.

LANE

So, what's going on in the world?

LORELAI

Nothing.

LANE

Nothing.

LORELAI

- good. There's nothing good. There's absolutely nothing even remotely positive going on anywhere in the world. How can that be?

LANE

That's why I don't read the paper anymore.

LORELAI

You will mine. I'm starting my own. The Good News Daily. Nothing but good news, every day.

LANE

Sounds good.

LORELAI

"No civil war in Canada." Big article. "Cars drive down road without incident." Front-page news. "Puppies, how cute are they?" In-depth expose and the subscription is free. How happy is that?

LANE

I may end up in a better mood.

LUKE

[Going behind the counter]

So what are you hanging out here for?

LORELAI

Oh, ouch, what happened to the love?

LUKE

You know what I mean. You're usually at the inn by now.

LORELAI

Well, new street names are being posted today. I'm waiting for Sookie and Michel, we're going to go see what name the Dragonfly got. Want to come with, see what name you got?

LUKE

I'll wait to read about it in the Good News Daily.

LORELAI

All right. It's another dumb Taylor thing, sorry. You may now lower your blood pressure.

LUKE

That's not why I'm not going, I just don't have the time. I think changing the street names' a fine idea.

LORELAI

You're kidding.

LUKE

No, change 'em all. Name 'em after cartoon characters. I'll be on Scooby Doo Lane. It's all the same to me.

LORELAI

Where's this coming from?

LUKE

It's taken me a ridiculous amount of years, but when it comes to all things Taylor I've adopted a Zen attitude.

LORELAI

[surprised]

Zen.

LUKE

Go with the flow, let the River Taylor take you where it may. Don't fight it, just let it happen.

LORELAI

But what if he wants to paint the diner pink for Easter like he did last year.

LUKE

Then let the building be pink.

LORELAI

But what if he decides we should all dress up as our favorite tree again for Arbor Day?

LUKE

Wrap me in bark, fill me with sap, tell me where to stand.

LORELAI

Well, what if he wants to Photoshop a picture of you with your arm around him and slap it on a billboard that overlooks the whole town?

LUKE

The river's end -

LORELAI

You're sitting on his lap.

LUKE

- will keep on flowing.

LORELAI

Holding a baby rattle.

LUKE

Let me keep my Zen.

LORELAI

I'm gonna miss Nuclear Luke.

SOOKIE

[lively]

Hey.

LORELAI

Hi!

SOOKIE

We just passed Esther Wilkins. She got Constabulary Road. Constabulary Road! How cool is that?

LORELAI

Very! I'll be done here in a minute.

MICHEL

Do you have coffee?

LUKE

You mean, here, at my coffee shop? Uh, let me think. Yeah.

MICHEL

Give it.

LORELAI

You're going to need a little Zen for him too.

MICHEL

This is very early for me to get up.

SOOKIE

You'll survive, big guy!

MICHEL

I'm not at my best if I don't get my model's twelve.

SOOKIE

Well, you hide beautifully.

MICHEL

It's the keels. Absinthe serum with ginkgo extract. Like you're washing your face in a bowl of diamonds.

SOOKIE

A bowl of diamonds? Doesn't that just cut up your face?

MICHEL

Huh. I need my coffee.

EMILY

Does your grapefruit taste strange to you?

RICHARD

What?

EMILY

The grapefruit. Is it unnaturally sweet?

RICHARD

It tastes like grapefruit, Emily.

EMILY

There's sugar on it. I can taste it. Consuela put sugar on it.

RICHARD

If you say.

EMILY

That girl puts sugar on everything! Like yesterday's salmon. Fish is not supposed to be caramelised.

RICHARD

I didn't notice.

EMILY

Don't defend her, Richard.

RICHARD

I'm not defending her, Emily.

EMILY

[stands up]

It starts with the grapefruit, next it'll be the berries, the melons. Pretty soon everything in this house will be candied.

EMILY

Rory, are you there? Rory!

RORY

[mumbling into the intercom]

Good morning, Grandma.

EMILY

You're not still sleeping, are you?

RORY

[yawns]

No.

EMILY

You're missing Katie Couric.

RORY

I don't watch Katie Couric.

EMILY

Oh. I thought you watch Katie Couric. I heard you mention her once.

RORY

Grandma, did you find someone to fix the intercom yet? It's stuck at this one volume. Loud.

EMILY

I've been looking and looking, but the company that made it went out of business in 1973. The Binsor Corp. Arthur Godfried was their spokesman.

RORY

Who?

EMILY

Oh, he was sort of a Katie Couric of his day. We'll get the intercom fixed, I promise.

RORY

Good.

EMILY

So I'll go ahead and pour you some coffee?

RORY

I'll be right in.

EMILY

I'm signing off! Ten-four!

RORY

[sleepily]

Ten-four.

EMILY

Isn't that a pretty picture?

RICHARD

The prettiest.

EMILY

That outfit matched her face. You'll get extra copies for us, right?

RICHARD

I'll have my secretary get them.

EMILY

[sitting]

So have you seen Logan around lately?

RICHARD

I don't know if it was lately.

EMILY

That makes me nervous.

RICHARD

Well, he's busy too.

EMILY

I hope that's it, and not something else.

RICHARD

What else would it be?

EMILY

Oh, that talk I had with Shira. I hoped our understanding was clear about those two. That we were going to let them be. Maybe I was just being naive. [Richard turns the page.] Richard, are you listening to me?

RICHARD

Yes, Emily. And just because you haven't seen the boy doesn't mean anything. Our hours are different from theirs.

EMILY

Consuela! Consuela! [She throws her napkin down and gets up.] She's probably in the backyard harvesting sugar cane. [She walks to the front door.]

RICHARD

[under his breath]

Maybe Consuela and Logan have run off together.

EMILY

[OS]

Not funny! [She receives a package for Mr. Gilmore.] Thanks.

RICHARD

Logan's probably out of town. Or busy with school.

EMILY

[OS]

All I know is I haven't seen him and Rory is lying in bed 'till eight-thirty every morning. [She walks back in.] That could be some sort of young woman's melancholy. Something from your office. [Giving an envelope to Richard.] Though why I had to fetch it I don't know. I'll remind Consuela it's part of her job. Assuming she hasn't left us to go work full-time for that giant sugar consortium that sent her here. What's that?

RICHARD

Just an insurance claim from the Dragonfly.

EMILY

A claim? What sort of claim?

RICHARD

Oh, they had a small fire there last week.

EMILY

They had a fire?

RICHARD

Oh, don't get excited.

EMILY

Is Lorelai okay?

RICHARD

She's fine.

EMILY

Did you talk to her?

RICHARD

I talked to her.

EMILY

You talked to her.

RICHARD

Yes, Emily. She had a small fire.

EMILY

Well, how did she sound?

RICHARD

Just like she'd had a small fire. It was a very quick face-to-face, and then I left.

EMILY

Face-to-face? You saw her face-to-face?

RICHARD

Well, I had to go over there.

EMILY

Why did you have to go over there?

RICHARD

Because, Emily! She'd just had a small fire!

EMILY

How did she look?

RICHARD

Fine.

EMILY

Was she thin, heavy, did she look tired? What was she wearing? And is she still in that netherworld of 'I don't know what my hair is supposed to be'?

RICHARD

She looked just like Lorelai.

RICHARD

It was a very brief conversation! Unlike the one you and I are having.

EMILY

You should have told me, Richard. [She takes a bite of her grapefruit and grimaces.] And this grapefruit is definitely sugared!

LORELAI

I hope it's something like Calla Lily Lane. You know, like a flower, something pretty.

SOOKIE

Or Charing Cross Road, or Abbey Road, something classic.

MICHEL

Can we walk a little faster, please?

SOOKIE

Michel's still pouting?

MICHEL

I'm not pouting.

LORELAI

Oh, so your botox has worn off?

MICHEL

It has not, and I'm not pouting.

LORELAI

Well, then, get with the spirit. This is a workout, and you're getting paid for this.

MICHEL

So it takes the three of us to stare at a stupid piece of cardboard. Maybe later we can all gang up on that light bulb.

LORELAI

Okay, let's see here.

SOOKIE

Ooh, I'm so excited. It's like Spanish class where everyone gets a Spanish name.

LORELAI

What were you?

SOOKIE

Sookia. I don't think it's a real Spanish name, I think they just added an 'A' on the end.

LORELAI

Okay, see, where are we?

SOOKIE

There! Right there!

MICHEL

That is the lake, Sookie. If we were there, we would all have drowned. We are at the bottom.

LORELAI

No, no, no, I think we're off to the right. Or, off to the left. Wait, where's north?

SOOKIE

Everything's rotated ninety degrees. This map's completely whack-a-doodle. I can't find - oh.

MICHEL

Oh, no.

LORELAI

[gasps]

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no.

LORELAI

Yeah. No, I understand, Taylor's a very busy man, but it's just a quick question. Lorelai Gilmore. You know me, Joey. You cleaned out my rain gutters last year. Yes, I paid you! I most definitely paid you!

SOOKIE

Got to be a mistake. Got to be a mistake!

MICHEL

Sores and Boils Alley.

SOOKIE

Stop saying that!

MICHEL

We are on Sores and Boils Alley!

SOOKIE

What kind of menu could you serve on Sores and Boils Alley, huh? Huh?

MICHEL

Anything in a crust.

SOOKIE

Eugh.

LORELAI

Try in the storage room, Joey! Yes, I know it's creepy in there, but I really need to speak to him.

SOOKIE

Why couldn't it be something that didn't ooze or run? Like a wart! Or a bunion! Bunions are okay. They're sort of onions mixed with buns, and that's sort of appetizing if you don't think too hard.

MICHEL

You know what this means, don't you?

LORELAI

It means nothing.

SOOKIE

It means my next review will be in the New England Journal of Medicine!

LORELAI

I want you to both chill out. I will fix this just as soon as I get Taylor on the phone.

SOOKIE

Okay. Maybe if we come up with a catchy phrase. You know, something funny, so it seems like we're in on the joke, you know? Like, we're aware. Ironic and hip.

MICHEL

Like what? What catchy phrase using the words Sores and Boils will make us seem like we're in on the joke?

DELIVERYMAN

Delivery.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, I'll sign for it.

SOOKIE

Michel, don't get hostile with me!

MICHEL

You are a silly woman.

SOOKIE

I am not silly! You're silly!

LORELAI

[opening up the box]

Hey, I want you both to cut it out. Now, I am going to fix this. I mean, the whole idea behind this street name thing was to improve tourism. You know? Not destroy it. So - huh. [She pulls out an old cuckoo clock.] Sookie, did you order this?

SOOKIE

Nope.

LORELAI

Michel?

MICHEL

Yeah, right. Like I'm going to buy an analog clock. Do I look two hundred and five?

LORELAI

Well, apparently it's for me, but I didn't order a clock. [On the phone.] Uh, yes, I'm still here. No, okay, just tell him I called. [She hangs up the phone.]

SOOKIE

You couldn't find Taylor?

LORELAI

Don't worry, I will!

MICHEL

I'm going to go add a few select fibs to my resume.

LORELAI

Michel! [He leaves.] I will find him, Sookie, don't cry!

SOOKIE

[almost crying]

White sauce looks like pus!

LORELAI

Go in the kitchen, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Salsa Verde looks like infection!

LORELAI

Kitchen, go!

RORY

Wow, you made good time.

LOGAN

Silly rabbit, speed limits are for kids. [They kiss.]

RORY

Hey, you went shopping?

LOGAN

Actually, I did.

RORY

For me?

LOGAN

For you.

RORY

Wow, what's the occasion?

LOGAN

Where is it written you need an occasion?

RORY

[pulls a large box out of the bag]

Wow, you did it. You brought me the head of Alfredo Garcia.

LOGAN

[laughing]

Open it, Ace.

RORY

Wow, cool, a bag!

LOGAN

Look inside!

RORY

Wow, cool! A bag!

LOGAN

You like it?

RORY

Hello, I'm a girl. It's a purse.

LOGAN

Not just a purse, it's a Birkin bag.

RORY

I went to school with a guy named Birkin.

LOGAN

I don't think this is the same Birkin.

RORY

Oh. Well, it's beautiful. I mean, it's snazzy and classy, and oh, smell it. It's got that great new car smell, except it's not a car. Oh, I love it Logan. I love it. Thank you so much. [She looks in the pockets.]

LOGAN

You're welcome. Sorry, there's not another bag inside the bag inside the bag inside the box inside the bag.

RORY

It's great. You know, I think my computer cords would fit in this perfectly.

LOGAN

Uh, this is not a computer cord kind of purse, Ace. You know what, why don't you just call my sister, she'll fill you in. It's like a 'thing', you know?

RORY

[smiling]

Huh. It's a thing. A beautiful leather grown-up thing.

LOGAN

So you ready to go?

RORY

Uh, yeah. [She picks up her old purse, starts moving the contents it into the new bag, she gives up and puts the whole thing inside.] Let's go!

LORELAI

Come on, Taylor, answer!

TAYLOR

Taylor's Ye Olde Soda Shoppe! How can I help ye?

LORELAI

Taylor! It's Lorelai! I've been trying to reach you all day.

TAYLOR

Lorelai! Oh, well, Joey mentioned that. He also mentioned something about not being paid for some rain gutters he cleaned? That's not cool.

LORELAI

Look, Taylor, um, do you by any chance know what street name the Dragonfly got?

TAYLOR

Of course! Sores and Boils Alley!

LORELAI

So you knew about it.

TAYLOR

Absolutely.

LORELAI

Sores and Boils?

TAYLOR

That's right.

LORELAI

Sores and Boils?

TAYLOR

Yes, indeed. I'd kill to have that name, quite frankly. You're a lucky woman.

LORELAI

How?

TAYLOR

Sores and Boils Alley is one of the most historical places in all Stars Hollow! In the eighteenth century, if you had a sore or a boil, you came to Stars Hollow to have it lanced -

LORELAI

Yeah, but -

TAYLOR

- to the very site of your establishment! Word is they also had a leper colony in your garage! I'm trying to verify that. If we do, you get a plaque.

LORELAI

Okay, Taylor. Look. [The doorbell rings goes and answers it.]

TAYLOR

Truth is, this town wouldn't be here without your street! Sores and boils may seem minor to us now, as we sit here with our Sea Breeze astringent and our Pond's cold cream, but time was they were the scourge with no cure. And where was that noble work done? Where were the sick cured and the suffering put at ease? I'll tell you where, on Sores and Boils Alley! In fact, I even have a valuable collection of antique lances. Yours for the asking. As a loaner, of course. The Dragonfly can display them in the lobby. Assuming you're bonded. [Lorelai opens the door to another deliveryman. He brings in a huge box and sets it down, she signs for it and he leaves.]

LORELAI

Look, the historical thing, it's swell. The boils and sores and lepers and lances. Great stuff. If you're running a hospice in the eighteenth century. But I'm running an inn in the twenty-first!

TAYLOR

And?

LORELAI

People come here for a beautiful nice romantic time. And part of what I slightly overcharge them for is the ambiance.

TAYLOR

Is there a point here?

LORELAI

The point is that I don't want to have to go around advertising, 'Come to historic Stars Hollow! It's not as gross as it sounds!'

TAYLOR

I must say, I'm very surprised at this negativity! You were so supportive at the meeting. What happened, a fight with Luke?

LORELAI

Look, Taylor, I'm trying to be very Zen about this, but this name is just not going to work for me!

TAYLOR

Well, I'm not really sure what to do about this.

LORELAI

We could just keep our old street name. No harm, no foul, no Lorelai pulling her hair out.

TAYLOR

No. The whole town's changing, that won't work at all. But I will think about your situation and try to come up with alternatives.

LORELAI

Great. And I'll think about it too, and together I'm sure we'll figure something out. Huh? We can fix this!

TAYLOR

All right.

LORELAI

Great. Thank you, Taylor.

LORELAI

You order a birdcage?

RORY

I've never had so many compliments about anything.

LOGAN

It's not the bag, Ace, it's the arm it's on.

RORY

And, I, like, swear that I'm not going to let ballpoint pens explode in the bottom of it.

LOGAN

Crap, I left my cell back in the car.

RORY

Are you expecting a call?

LOGAN

From my dad. He's dragging me to a corporate retreat at his editor's. Three days of absolutely, Mitchum. Great idea, Mitchum. Can I pre-chew that food for you, Mitchum?

RORY

You can suffer through three days.

LOGAN

I'll meet you back at the pool house, okay?

RORY

Don't get lost.

RICHARD

Oh, Logan! I thought I heard a noise.

LOGAN

Richard. Yes, I was just dropping Rory off.

RICHARD

Oh! [He checks his watch.] Ten o'clock on the button, well done!

LOGAN

Well, I didn't want to keep her out too late, sir.

RICHARD

Well, you're a responsible young man, Logan. Say, how about a nightcap? I have a new single malt I'm dying to break in.

LOGAN

[shrugging]

Sounds great.

RICHARD

[to Emily]

Look who I found!

EMILY

Logan! You found Logan. How are you?

LOGAN

How are you, Emily?

RICHARD

Logan was just dropping Rory off.

EMILY

Ten o'clock on the button!

RICHARD

A gentleman, this one.

EMILY

Logan, would you like some coffee? Perhaps some dessert?

LOGAN

Thanks, Emily, but I've eaten.

RICHARD

I thought the two of us would, uh, grab a little nightcap.

EMILY

Well, I'll leave you men to your drinks.

LOGAN

Good seeing you, Emily.

RICHARD

[offering Logan a seat]

Please.

RICHARD

So, how are things, Logan?

LOGAN

Fine.

RICHARD

Good. Back at school, are you?

LOGAN

For a few weeks now.

RICHARD

Good, good. Good that you're back. Got any classes that you're interested in this year?

LOGAN

Semester's shaping up okay. [Richard hands Logan his drink.] Thank you.

RICHARD

Oh. Cheers. [Richard sits down as they each take a sip.] You working at the Yale paper again?

LOGAN

Yes, sir.

RICHARD

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

LOGAN

Not if the tree has anything to say about it.

RICHARD

Yes, well. It's good to see you. We don't get many sightings of you young people nowadays, the two of you, ensconced back there at the pool house. Rory's so busy. Her life's a total mystery to us. She could be in the CIA for all we know.

LOGAN

Well, I don't think she's joined the CIA, sir, but I'll check her purse for secret documents.

RICHARD

[chuckles]

So, tell me, Logan, what is going on with Rory? Uh, yours and Rory's life?

LOGAN

Uh, nothing special.

RICHARD

No? Oh, well. Does she have any big plans?

LOGAN

Plans?

RICHARD

Yes, well, the way that girl keeps to herself, we wouldn't know if she was moving to Peru. Are you two planning on moving to Peru?

LOGAN

No, we're not.

RICHARD

Well, if not Peru, then what is on the horizon for Rory? And for you. Anything different going to happen?

LOGAN

I don't, uh, well, we're thinking of going to the Vineyard in a few weeks, that's about it.

RICHARD

A trip to the Vineyard?

LOGAN

Yes, sir.

RICHARD

Nothing else coming down the pike?

LOGAN

No, sir.

RICHARD

Hm. Well, the Vineyard is always nice. Very brisk this time of year.

RORY

[entering]

Hey, Logan. What are you doing here? I thought you'd left.

LOGAN

I ran into Richard on the way out.

EMILY

[coming back down the stairs]

Rory, is that you?

RORY

Um, yeah, Grandma, it's me.

EMILY

What are you doing here?

RORY

Well, I was just looking for some sugar. For my morning coffee.

EMILY

Oh, please, don't get me started on sugar.

LOGAN

Richard and I were just catching up.

RICHARD

Having a little ‘digestif’.

LOGAN

Yes, and, Richard, the scotch was great, but I should probably get going given the hour.

RICHARD

Oh, of course.

RORY

I'll walk you out.

LOGAN

Richard, Emily.

RICHARD

Good to see you, Logan.

EMILY

Drive safe!

EMILY

[smiles up at Richard]

So what were you two chatting about?

RICHARD

Oh, this and that.

EMILY

Did it seem like everything was fine between the two of them?

RICHARD

Far as I could tell. We're missing Charlie Rose.

RORY

What was that all about?

LOGAN

What was that about? Your grandfather was asking me about my intentions.

RORY

Your intentions? Toward what?

LOGAN

Uh, toward you. Us. Marriage.

RORY

What? Why?

LOGAN

I don't know. Suddenly I was in there and he was asking me all kinds of questions about our plans and the future and the CIA and Peru.

RORY

I don't understand! Why would he do this?

LOGAN

I don't know.

RORY

I'm only twenty. We're young. We just started going out. Why would we even be thinking about marriage?

LOGAN

I don't know, Ace. These are all really good questions. Listen, maybe we should hang out at my place for a while so as not to give your grandparents a visual to latch onto.

RORY

No. Look, I'll take care of this. I promise. Don't worry about it.

LOGAN

Ace, it's okay. You don't have to do anything.

RORY

No, this is not okay. This is not cool. I don't want them thinking this, I don't want you feeling like you can't come over here. I promise you, I will take care of this, okay?

LOGAN

Okay. Oh!

RORY

What?

LOGAN

My cell phone's still in my car.

RORY

Oh, sorry.

LOGAN

Hey, if I'm not back in five minutes it means I'm in the main house picking out china patterns with Emily.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm starved.

MICHEL

You're always starved.

LORELAI

Yes, but now I'm crash landed in the Andes, eat my team mates starved. I'll be back in an hour. [She sees a small pile of packages on the counter.] No.

MICHEL

Mm-hm. Three more packages, all for you.

LORELAI

[opening the boxes]

Where is all this stupid stuff coming from?

MICHEL

Looks like classic home shopping channel merchandise to me.

LORELAI

I haven't bought anything off the home shopping channel.

MICHEL

That you remember.

LORELAI

How could I not remember?

MICHEL

You could be deluding yourself. Suppressing a shameful, costly, and yes, extremely tacky shopping addiction from your memory.

LORELAI

I do not have a home shopping channel addiction. [She removes a matching figurine from the second box.] This does look familiar. Like I've seen it before.

MICHEL

Mm-hm. And was Joan Rivers or Suzanne Somers holding it up?

LORELAI

I'm not buying these things.

MICHEL

Keep telling yourself that. By the way, Kirk is in the dining room wanting to speak to you.

LORELAI

Must be about the street name.

MICHEL

Can you contain your personal demons long enough to face him, or shall I send him away?

LORELAI

Enough, Michel.

MICHEL

It's never enough. That is the problem.

KIRK

Lorelai, hello.

LORELAI

Hello, Kirk.

KIRK

Have a seat.

LORELAI

Okay.

KIRK

I'm pleased to inform you that the Stars Hollow board of tourism has graciously decided to offer you a proposal.

LORELAI

[relieved]

Great. I appreciate it. What do you have for me?

KIRK

Well, you can choose any of three historically anchored street names that pre-dated Sores and Boils Alley. It's a generous proposal.

LORELAI

Let's hear 'em.

KIRK

The first one is Constabulary Road.

LORELAI

Constabulary Road.

KIRK

It's a very nice name. Classic. Very evocative of old-time Stars Hollow.

LORELAI

Yes, it's very nice, but Kirk, that's the exact same name of Esther Wilkins' street. I mean, the exact name. It's taken.

KIRK

I know. Apparently at one time there were several streets named Constabulary Road in Stars Hollow.

LORELAI

Yeah, that would be incredibly confusing.

KIRK

Oh, it would be a disaster. It was back then, too. Mail was mis-delivered, soldiers lost their way. It completely disoriented senior citizens. There was rioting, chaos, death. Everyone hated it.

LORELAI

What's number two?

KIRK

Number two. Chergogagog Manchogagog Cherbonagongamog.

LORELAI

Chergona-what?

KIRK

An old Nimblook Indian name. It means: you fish on your side of the lake, I'll fish on my side, no one fishes in the middle. Or maybe it means Buffalo.

LORELAI

It's unpronouncable. Next?

KIRK

From 1768, something flavorful. Crusty Bulge.

LORELAI

Oh, come on!

KIRK

Is that a no?

LORELAI

Yes, that's a no! Kirk, these are not legitimate choices!

KIRK

Taylor thinks they are.

LORELAI

Well, Taylor is wrong. The Dragonfly is a business! We need a credible street name! So I'll tell you what we're going to do, we're keeping Third Street.

KIRK

Taylor is not going to like that.

LORELAI

Well, too bad. 'Cause that's what we're doing. Decision made. 'Cause it's not going to be Crusty Bulge! And it's not going to be an Indian name that no one can pronounce, and it's not going to be a name that fifty thousand other people had that caused mass chaos and death in 1492 and oh my God, I just realized where all that stuff is from!

KIRK

What? What stuff?

LORELAI

[stands]

Never mind, just tell Taylor what I said.

KIRK

So we're done here?

LORELAI

Definitely.

KIRK

[loosening off his tie]

Thank God. Mom tied this way too tight.

EMILY

Am I disturbing?

RORY

No, come on in.

EMILY

Rory, this is Edgar Pullings. He installed the intercom forty-six years ago.

RORY

Nice to meet you.

EMILY

[shouting]

She said 'nice to meet you'!

EDGAR

Oh. Nice to meet you, young lady.

EMILY

He calls me that, too. [Loudly] It's right in there, Edgar!

EDGAR

Okay, I'll have a look-see.

EMILY

[loudly]

You just holler when you're situated and I'll bring in your toolbox. And if you're feeling faint or need a glass of water, don't be shy!

RORY

No, it's great. Thank you.

EMILY

Everything else around here up to snuff? Are the sheets being over-ironed?

RORY

No. They're perfect.

EMILY

Because that's not an urban legend. If sheets have a high thread count, they can be over-ironed.

RORY

[Nods]

Grandma, can I ask a favour?

EMILY

Of course.

RORY

I was just wondering if you would speak with Grandpa for me.

EMILY

About what?

RORY

Well, when he had the nightcap with Logan, he said some things that made Logan a little uncomfortable.

EMILY

Oh, no, what kind of things?

RORY

Just things about our future – Logan’s and mine. I think Grandpa wanted to find out if we were getting married.

EMILY

[surprised]

What?

RORY

And the thing is, we’re young. And we haven’t been going out for that long. It’s way too soon for us to be thinking about getting serious.

EMILY

Of course it is! Your grandfather should know better. Don’t you worry, I’ll clear this up with him.

RORY

Thank you, Grandma.

EMILY

My pleasure. So, now that that’s taken care of, tell me. Just between us girls. How are things going between you two?

RORY

[blushing]

Well, they’re great. Logan’s very nice. He bought me this terrific gift, just completely out of the blue.

EMILY

Is that so?

RORY

Totally unexpected. It’s called a Birkin bag?

EMILY

[floored]

A Birkin bag. Oh, my God. A Birkin bag?

RORY

You’ve heard of it?

EMILY

Of course! That’s a very nice purse!

RORY

Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t use it?

EMILY

Oh, no. A Birkin bag is meant to be used. And seen.

RORY

I had no idea.

EMILY

[pleased]

Well, well, well. A Birkin bag! A Birkin bag. A Birkin bag for Rory.

RORY

Grandma.

EMILY

I’m just saying, I mean, Richard never bought me a Birkin bag. Oh, this is exciting!

RORY

I guess it is!

EMILY

A Birkin bag! I’m going to remember this day. [Day dreaming.]

RORY

Um, it’s been very quiet in there.

EMILY

Huh? Oh, dear! [She gets up and hurries to the bedroom.] Edgar! Edgar! Edgar!

LORELAI

Oh, my God, I made it! Food. Me. Give.

LUKE

Emergency B.L.T.

LORELAI

Yeah! Emergency chilli fries and black and white shake. It’s a three-alarm emergency.

LUKE

Something came for you early this morning, good old Caesar signed for it.

LORELAI

[gasps]

Oh my God!

LUKE

Now, normally I have a blanket policy against the diner accepting humungous five-foot urns addressed to other people, but I was at the market and Caesar, he apparently didn’t know about the policy.

LORELAI

Oh, she is good. Covering all the bases.

LUKE

Who?

LORELAI

And sending it here. Brilliant! Picking away at the people closest to me.

LUKE

Who? Who is this?

LORELAI

Emily Gilmore!

LUKE

You’re kidding!

LORELAI

For days she’s been emptying her house, sending me everything she doesn’t need anymore, trying to smoke me out of my foxhole.

LUKE

Well, call her and tell her to knock it off!

LORELAI

Oh, no! That’s exactly what she wants! I poke my head out of the foxhole, it gets blown off! Then I have no head, Luke!

LUKE

There’s a giant urn in my diner.

LORELAI

It started small, you know? A clock, a birdcage, some Victorian figurines, an old telescope. That was just the ground war. She was softening me up. Now comes the aerial campaign. The carpet bombing. And I bet she’ll bomb me with actual carpets!

LUKE

Call her.

LORELAI

You mean surrender? Never!

LUKE

If you don’t call her, she’s just going to keep sending you stuff. Sending me stuff.

LORELAI

She’ll run out of stuff.

LUKE

She’ll buy more stuff.

LORELAI

She’ll run out of money.

LUKE

She’s got endless money.

LORELAI

Luke, my mom has a tenth-degree black belt in passive aggression. There is no counter to this move! Which means I am not going to counter.

LUKE

But I can’t have a giant urn sitting in my restaurant.

LORELAI

Actually it’s more of a vase.

LUKE

I don’t care what it is! The thing weighs three hundred pounds. Caesar said it took four guys to bring it in.

LORELAI

You’ve got to admit, it does kind of spruce up the place.

LUKE

It goes today.

LORELAI

Okay, okay. I’ll work on figuring out how to get it out of here.

EMILY

You busy?

RICHARD

Not too.

EMILY

I wanted to let you know Rory had a little talk with me today I thought I’d share with you.

RICHARD

Eh? What about?

EMILY

About Logan. About something you said. It’s been handled.

RICHARD

Something I said? When?

EMILY

Don’t worry. He’s fine, she’s fine, they’re fine. Very fine. Logan bought her the most beautiful and prestigious handbag in the world.

RICHARD

A handbag?

EMILY

A Birkin bag! I’ve shown you pictures before, remember? Around my birthday. So sophisticated. Now we know our worries about Shira messing with things were unfounded. They are doing very well.

RICHARD

Yes, yes, that’s fine, Emily, but what did I say that caused a problem?

EMILY

Well, you scared the poor boy half to death during that nightcap of yours.

RICHARD

How?

EMILY

Your intentions speech? It was so out of the blue!

RICHARD

My intentions speech? I’m not following. Intentions about what?

EMILY

Really, Richard, you’re always a half-step behind.

RICHARD

That’s because you tell me things in drips and drabs. What does she think I said?

EMILY

That you basically asked when he was going to propose to her.

RICHARD

I asked him nothing of the sort! We were just chatting. Shooting the breeze!

EMILY

Well, Logan viewed it as an interrogation about his and Rory’s future.

RICHARD

The boy misunderstood! I wasn’t talking about their future. I was talking – it was scotch talk. I would never dream of interrogating a man like that. I’ll apologize to him the next time I see him! And to Rory.

EMILY

Good.

RICHARD

I mean, that’s ridiculous. Those two are way too young to be thinking about marriage. They just met each other.

EMILY

It’s been over a year.

RICHARD

It hasn’t been a year! They’re babies!

EMILY

Babies! Richard, your granddaughter is about to turn twenty-one! If they did get engaged, the ceremony would be next year at the earliest, or the year after. That makes her twenty-three.

RICHARD

And too young!

EMILY

It’s the same age I was when we got married. I wasn’t too young.

RICHARD

Well, we were different.

EMILY

How?

RICHARD

Because we’re us, and Rory’s Rory. She has things to do.

EMILY

I don’t know why you’re so worked up about this. They aren’t engaged.

RICHARD

Good.

EMILY

What was your talk with Logan about?

RICHARD

I was just curious about what was going on with Rory. She can be extremely taciturn.

EMILY

What are you so curious about?

RICHARD

The girl spends all her time in that pool house. She’s so secretive. Aren’t you curious?

EMILY

Richard, if you want to find out what’s going on in a girl’s life, you most certainly do not talk to her boyfriend. Follow me.

RICHARD

Why? Where are you going?

EMILY

Follow me!

RICHARD

Emily! Is she home?

EMILY

No, she's out! I wouldn't burst in here like this if she were home.

RICHARD

We should not be here, this is prowling.

EMILY

We're not prowling, Richard! You can't prowl in your own house. This is called showing concern. [Emily begins to look through drawers.] Now, tell me what we're looking for.

RICHARD

I don't feel good about this. It's usually this point in the John Le Carré novels where things start to go horribly wrong.

EMILY

[methodically searching the room]

Oh, don't worry. I used to do this all the time with Lorelai and the things I found. Once I opened the bottom drawer to her dresser and it was chalk full of Tootsie Rolls. Hundreds and hundreds. Practically spilling out. What could a girl possibly want with a drawer full of Tootsie Rolls?

RICHARD

Perhaps it was what was under the Tootsie Rolls, Emily.

EMILY

[stops suddenly]

Under the Tootsie Rolls! Oh, my God, I should have looked under the Tootsie Rolls! Oh, that's going to bother me. God knows what she had in there. [Richard peeks in the garbage can.] Let's split up. I'll hit the bedroom, you finish up in here.

RICHARD

Well, what am I supposed to do?

EMILY

Check the bookcase. They love hiding things behind books.

EMILY

[OS from the bedroom]

My! This room has really come together. But we definitely should have gone with the plantation shutters. Oh, my God! Richard!

RICHARD

What? What's wrong?

EMILY

[emerges from the bedroom, reverently holding Rory's purse]

The Birkin bag. All hand-made, and look at those tiny stitches! Oh, does that Logan have taste?

RICHARD

Okay, this is ridiculous! Let's get out of here!

EMILY

[sniffing the bag]

Oh, and that smell!

RICHARD

[opening the door]

Let's just go.

EMILY

Can't you at least tell me what you were looking to find?

RICHARD

I don't know! It wasn't my idea to break in!

EMILY

Snooping without knowing what you were snooping for? Honestly, Richard.

RICHARD

Let's just go, Emily. Now. And leave that purse!

EMILY

I was going to leave the purse, Richard! [He leaves. She gazes at the purse.] Twenty-one year old girl has a Birkin bag and a grown woman doesn't.

KIRK

I highly recommend the miniature golf, where, coincidentally, I hold the single-round record. The property's got closed circuit, so you can forget about Mulligans.

MAN

Thank you. [They leave.]

KIRK

And don't forget the giant urn at Luke's. The kids will love it. [Lorelai walks up.] Lorelai! Look. I'm sitting in a little gazebo!

LORELAI

I can see that, Kirk.

KIRK

If you look real quick you might think it's the regular sized gazebo and that I'm a giant.

LORELAI

That would be frightening.

KIRK

Have you gotten your free map of historic Stars Hollow yet? Hot off the presses, everyone's enjoying them. [He gives her a town map.]

LORELAI

Maps, huh? I didn't know there were maps.

KIRK

And can I interest you in an historic poncho or Stars Hollow kazoo?

LORELAI

Um, no, you really couldn't. Kirk, the Dragonfly is not on this!

KIRK

Right. As billed, the map only represents historic Stars Hollow.

LORELAI

But the Dragonfly is part of historic Stars Hollow!

KIRK

Correction. Used to be. Before you rejected your historic street name.

LORELAI

[angry]

You took me off the map!

KIRK

All cartographical decisions are strictly the province of the director of tourism.

LORELAI

But you and I talked about the street names only this morning! How could the Dragonfly already be off the map?

KIRK

You know the old saying, cross the Don in the morning, sleep with the fishes in the afternoon. Plus Taylor has one of those really fast laser printers.

LORELAI

This is not fair! The Dragonfly is a business in Stars Hollow! This is not right.

KIRK

I wish there was something I could do, but I'm just a messenger. Assistant to the messenger, actually. Taylor's been clear on that. [Lorelai throws up her hands in frustration.] Okay, okay, I shouldn't do this. I'm going to look the other way. [He turns.] Take a button. One only, please.

LORELAI

Hello?

EMILY

I'm turning your bedroom into a gift-wrapping room and I have to get rid of your dollhouse. Do you want it?

LORELAI

What?

EMILY

Your dollhouse. It's quite cumbersome and I have absolutely no place to put it.

LORELAI

Um, well, uh, have you checked the basement? Because I'm betting there's oodles of space down there right about now.

EMILY

I'm doing some house cleaning, and I've only sent you things I was going to give you eventually anyway. Now, do you want the dollhouse or not?

LORELAI

Of course I want it!

EMILY

Fine. When will you come pick it up?

LORELAI

Well, when I can.

EMILY

I need you to give me a time, Lorelai.

LORELAI

I don't know! As soon as possible, okay? I'm very busy.

EMILY

Fine. But I can't store it forever. Call me the moment you work out your schedule.

LORELAI

Oh, I will. The very moment. [She hangs up the phone.]

LUKE

[shouting]

Hey, you! Get away from the urn.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Hi.

LORELAI

Kiss?

LUKE

I'm too mad.

LORELAI

Okay. Wait, why? 'Cause you're lips would be all fiery and it would hurt?

LUKE

[annoyed]

Did you know they changed my street name?

LORELAI

Uh, hello, yes, where have you been?

LUKE

I figured I don't have business cards, who cares? But every piece of mail I get I've got to write, change the address. Every piece of mail, because I live upstairs.

LORELAI

I'm aware of that.

LUKE

It's a huge hassle!

LORELAI

I know!

LUKE

[holds up a letter]

And, I am in violation of ordinance twenty-two B.

LORELAI

What is ordinance twenty-two B?

LUKE

Kids playing on the urn requires a jungle gym license! As stated in ordinance twenty-two B, a fine has already been levied.

LORELAI

Ah, Taylor?

LUKE

Yes.

LORELAI

So, wait, are you mad at Taylor again?

LUKE

Yes.

LORELAI

Yay!

LUKE

A jungle gym license. If I want kids playing on my urn, no one's going to tell me I need a license! [To the kids now sitting at a table] Hey, you. Go ahead! Play on the urn! [He waves the letter at Lorelai.] This stinks!

LORELAI

Oh my God, I'm so glad you ditched this Zen thing, because tonight at the town meeting, I'm taking it to the people and the people are going to take it to Taylor.

LUKE

Good! Take it to him!

LORELAI

I've got a speech all planned, listing the years of Taylor wrongs. The abuses, the manipulations. And I'm going to get in there and make people understand that they don't have to blindly follow Taylor Doose anymore!

LUKE

Good, do it. They'll follow you, they like you.

LORELAI

They do like me. I'm going to use that.

LUKE

I'd go too, but I'd just end up throwing a bench at him.

LORELAI

There's no need. I'll handle him.

LUKE

You want some coffee?

LORELAI

[tilts her head]

I'm beyond coffee.

LUKE

Beyond coffee. This is big.

LORELAI

I'm fuelled by my righteous indignation. I'll fill you in later.

LUKE

I'll be here.

LORELAI

Bye!

SOOKIE

Hey!

MICHEL

How did it go?

LORELAI

It went great! [She gets some coffee.]

SOOKIE

So, come on, tell us, what happened?

LORELAI

Well. Before the town meeting, I stopped by Luke's, right? And he was furious! Taylor slapped him with a jungle gym fine. Smoke was pouring out of his ears. And I told him, don't worry, I am on my way to take Taylor down.

SOOKIE

Ooh, goody.

LORELAI

So, I go to the town meeting, it's already started, right? And I come in the back door with the squeaky track, so everybody knows Lorelai's in the house.

MICHEL

Mm! It's very exciting!

LORELAI

Taylor's up there yammering about septic tanks, and Patty made her raisin cake, and, you know, everything's just going along, when suddenly Taylor says it's time to break. And I stand up, on the bench, totally Norma Rae, and I write 'Strike' on my town meeting flier, and I hold it up, all defiant!

SOOKIE

Wow!

LORELAI

Of course the Norma Rae reference was only in my head, and everyone was very confused.

MICHEL

Yes, it happens a lot with you.

LORELAI

So I marched up to the front of the room and I looked this town in the eye, and I said: "We, your Dragonfly Inn, are not on the map! We have been tossed off by Taylor jungle-gym-monitoring Doose, and it is not right, and he must be stopped!" And since no one had heard my conversation with Luke, I lost them again for a minute, but I got them back real quickly.

MICHEL

You really need to work on that.

SOOKIE

Let her talk!

LORELAI

Anyhow, I told the town about how I had given them the best years of my life, and we've turned the Dragonfly into a class A, top notch destination inn, and that leaving us off the map was petty and mean-spirited, and just plain bad business!

SOOKIE

Amen! Kiss the ground, the South will rise again!

MICHEL

What happened then?

LORELAI

Then I turned to Taylor, and I said: "Taylor Doose, if you don't put us back on the map, it will be Molly Ringwald giving her underwear to Anthony Michael Hall and he shows it to a roomful of boys who've all paid a dollar to see it."

MICHEL

Oh, come on!

LORELAI

No, that one he got! So he thought for a minute, then he stood up and he said to me: "Lorelai, donate a hundred dollars to the Stars Hollow historical society, and I will let you back on the map and you can keep Third Street."

SOOKIE

[eagerly]

One hundred dollars!

MICHEL

That's nothing! What did you say?

LORELAI

I said you've got a deal!

SOOKIE

Oh, my God! [Michel cheerfully laughs.]

LORELAI

And then, he said: "Good girl". And patted me on the head.

SOOKIE

Oh no.

MICHEL

Don't tell me -

LORELAI

We are on Sores and Boils Alley.

MICHEL

We cannot be on Sores and Boils Alley!

LORELAI

Patted me on the head, Michel, like a dog.

MICHEL

It's only a hundred dollars.

SOOKIE

I'll pay the hundred dollars!

LORELAI

You're not paying the hundred dollars!

MICHEL

I'll pay seventy-five dollars!

LORELAI

Nope. No one is paying anything. We are not being extorted. We are the Inn on Sores and Boils Alley. Historical. Proud. [Her cell phone rings.]

MICHEL

Oozing. Festering.

SOOKIE

Draining!

LORELAI

Too many words for the brochure. [Answering the phone as she walks into the dining room.] Hello?

EMILY

Why haven't you come to get the dollhouse yet?

LORELAI

Because I've been working?

EMILY

Well, Goodwill's picking it up at noon tomorrow so if you want it come and get it!

LORELAI

Well, I can't come tomorrow!

EMILY

Well, then, come tonight! We're up until eleven.

LORELAI

No, mom, I'm thirty miles away and I'm busy!

EMILY

Then it's being donated!

LORELAI

You can hold onto it a little while longer!

EMILY

Out of the question. It's taking up space and I can't have it here.

LORELAI

Why does Goodwill have to come at noon?

EMILY

Because that's the appointment I got! It's Goodwill, Lorelai, not Sotheby’s!

LORELAI

You know, I can't believe you. You know this dollhouse means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to you! If you want to be this mean and vindictive, then fine. Give it to Goodwill. Give it away. Light it on fire. I don't care! [She hangs up the phone.]

RORY

Logan?

LOGAN

I don't think they saw me. Can you get this open?

RORY

[opening the window]

Logan, it's okay. You can use the front door.

LOGAN

No, this is cool. I've got a tree stump I can use as a boost out here. Or you can let down your hair.

RORY

I talked to them.

LOGAN

You did?

RORY

Yeah. It's fine. Come around to the front.

LOGAN

Okay.

RORY

Okay. [Closes the window goes to the door to let Logan in.] You do know that I will be mocking you for a year for trying to climb in my kitchen window.

LOGAN

I just can't face another sit-down.

RORY

No, it was a misunderstanding. I talked to my grandmother and my grandfather. He was not trying to pressure you. He gets that we're young and just started dating, and he's not interested in our being serious.

LOGAN

Really?

RORY

Yeah. He's very sorry about the confusion.

LOGAN

He is.

RORY

He wants to apologize to you himself.

LOGAN

And you're sure about this?

RORY

I double-super swear on my Birkin bag.

LOGAN

Okay, that's good. This cloak and dagger stuff is getting a little tricky if you don't own a dagger and you look funny in a cloak.

RORY

I'm sure you look great in a cloak. So everything's cool?

LOGAN

Everything's cool.

RORY

Good. Logan -

LOGAN

Yeah?

RORY

I love you.

LOGAN

Wow. [Pause.] The lady who sold that purse to me said this was going to happen.

RORY

[laughs]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spring that on you, I just - I wanted to say it, so I said it. But I don't expect anything. Believe me. I was in the position once where someone said that to me, completely out of the blue, and I was completely thrown. So, don't worry. You don't have to respond immediately. I mean, in fact, you don't have to say anything at all.

LOGAN

Look, I've told a lot of girls that I love them before and I didn't mean it. So, I'm not going to do that to you. [Rory frowns.] Boy, that didn't come out right. It was supposed to sound a lot more -

RORY

[smiling]

Hey, you don't have to say anything at all.

LUKE

One antique bellows.

LORELAI

Salvation Army.

LUKE

Worn leather, brass studs. Wow, this thing's a real beaut.

LORELAI

Well, either buy it a ring or move on. Next?

LUKE

Dough beater, early sixties. Wow, they don't make 'em like this anymore.

LORELAI

Salvation Army.

LUKE

Mint condition, industrial grade, five quart capacity?

LORELAI

Salvation Army. [The doorbell rings and she gets up.] Oh, my pizza!

LUKE

Oh, there's some sort of card in here. [Reading from the card] Emily and Richard, congratulations on your wedding. Love Aunt Celeste.

LORELAI

Thank you, Aunt Celeste. Love, the Salvation Army.

RICHARD

Hello, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hey, Dad.

RICHARD

I thought you'd want this. [He moves aside to reveal her dollhouse sitting on the porch.]

LORELAI

[taken aback]

Thanks. I do.

RICHARD

And - we need to talk about Rory.