T7E12: “To Whom It May Concern”

RICHARD

So the hunter comes out of the tent, looks around, and says, "ah, very well then. Now, where's that gorilla?"

LORELAI

Well now you've heard dad's big game-hunter- and-the-gorilla joke. You're officially part of the family.

RORY

It's not too late to back out.

EMILY

Yes, Richard, I beg you -- get some new material.

CHRISTOPHER

I actually like the joke, and the family is not bad, either. Thanks for a great meal, Emily.

RORY

Yes thank you, grandma.

EMILY

You're quite welcome. Did you really like the meal?

LORELAI

It was incredible, mom.

EMILY

On our recent trip to Mexico, your father and I were served Quail Mazatlán, and I insisted that Bridget find the recipe.

LORELAI

Well, she found it.

RORY

Yeah tell that Bridget that that Quail Mazatlán was a triumph.

LORELAI

Mm-hmm

EMILY

It's the tequila-cactus sauce that makes it special.

LORELAI

So special.

CHRISTOPHER

Really just great.

RICHARD

Well, young lady, I'll see you around the campus.

RORY

Yes, you will.

EMILY

Oh and Lorelai, it turns out that I have an emergency D.A.R. Board meeting on Tuesday, so I won't be able to get together to finalize the seating chart for the party.

LORELAI

No seating-chart get-together? How will I live?

CHRISTOPHER

I'll help you get through it.

RICHARD

Christopher, are you sure you can't stay for a cigar? Cuban. Montecristo. Perfect complement to a tequila-cactus sauce.

LORELAI

Dad, we really have to get going.

CHRISTOPHER

She's right, but maybe I could get a Montecristo to go.

RICHARD

Oh, nice try, nice try.

CHRISTOPHER

I thought I'd give it a shot.

EMILY

Another time for cigars. I'll see you, Rory.

RORY

Bye, grandma.

LORELAI

Bye, mom.

CHRISTOPHER

Bye, bye.

RICHARD

See you in class, Rory.

RORY

See you!

LORELAI

Oh, my god!

CHRISTOPHER

I thought for sure your mom saw me put mine in here.

LORELAI

How could so tiny a quail have such a big, awful taste?

RORY

I think the sauce burned through my napkin.

CHRISTOPHER

And now we just throw it in the bushes?

LORELAI

No, no, no...

RORY

No!

LORELAI

We tried that before.

RORY

The chicken Kiev. The Baklava, too.

LORELAI

Yeah the neighbor's cat found it and dragged it to the back patio.

RORY

So busted.

CHRISTOPHER

Alright so how do we get rid of it?

LORELAI

We take it with us in the car.

RORY

Then we give it the old heave-ho over Tyler's bridge.

LORELAI

Got to make sure we get every piece in the water, though.

RORY

Oh yeah one stray piece of Quail Mazatlán, and grandma will have the river dragged.

LORELAI

We need something to weigh them down. How attached are you to that watch?

SOOKIE

Morning!

LORELAI

Uhh.

SOOKIE

Ow! What was that for?

LORELAI

Thought maybe I was dreaming.

SOOKIE

Then you're supposed to ask me to pinch you. You're not suppose to pinch me.

LORELAI

Well I'm confused. I haven't even had my coffee yet. I have your coffee and muffins hot from the oven.

LORELAI

Okay.

SOOKIE

Well, actually, they're not really muffins. They're muffin tops because the muffin tops are the only parts you like.

LORELAI

You baked me a whole basket of muffin tops?

SOOKIE

Yep. I have got apple-cinnamon-walnut, lemon-poppy seed, apple spice, and double chocolate chip, which is really more cake than muffin. [gets some plates] But if calling them a muffin means you can eat them in the morning, then I am all for it. So, which would you like?

LORELAI

Um, the cake one, please.

SOOKIE

Ooh, good choice. [placing the plate on the table] Ta-da.

LORELAI

Sookie?

SOOKIE

Mm-hmm?

LORELAI

What are you doing here? It's not even 7:00.

SOOKIE

What?! Why can't a girl get up superearly on her day off, make some muffin tops, and bring a hot cup of coffee over to the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have?

LORELAI

I guess.

SOOKIE

I mean, I had to get up early anyway. Jackson and I are going skiing. We're so excited. We haven't done that since before the kids.

LORELAI

[Taking a drink of coffee] Hmm. That's cool.

SOOKIE

Yeah, Jackson loves to ski, and I love to dress up in those cozy clothes, the furry boots, and curl up with a Sue Grafton mystery. I got "'R' is for 'Ricochet'" and "'S' is for 'Silence.'" If the ski conditions are good, I can get a good eight hours of Kinsey Millhone in. Yeah, we were so excited.

LORELAI

"Were"?

SOOKIE

Our, uh, babysitter called last night, and she's got mono.

LORELAI

Ahh.

SOOKIE

Yeah. How is that, uh, muffin top?

LORELAI

It has the faintest aftertaste of bribe.

SOOKIE

I know it's a lot of work to take care of the kids, and I know that it's your day off, too, but I would really, really appreciate it, and I would really, really, really owe you big.

LORELAI

I'd love to take care of Davey and Martha.

SOOKIE

Oh, did I happen to mention that you're the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have?

LORELAI

I believe you led with that.

SOOKIE

Oh, good, because you are. Thank you.

LORELAI

No problem. God, this coffee is good.

SOOKIE

Well, yeah, it should be. I... got it from Luke's. Sorry. Is that weird?

LORELAI

Oh, no, that's not weird.

SOOKIE

Good.

LORELAI

I mean, it shouldn't be weird.

SOOKIE

No, it shouldn't be weird.

LORELAI

It would be weird if I intentionally didn't drink the coffee. You know that would be weird.

SOOKIE

Yeah, that would be weird.

LORELAI

I mean, it's good coffee.

SOOKIE

Yeah, and there's no reason you shouldn't enjoy good coffee.

LORELAI

Exactly.

SOOKIE

Good.

LORELAI

Yeah, so it's not weird. What did you do with the muffin bottoms?

SOOKIE

I made a muffin-bottom pie. It's actually pretty good. I'm thinking about patenting it.

LORELAI

Mmm, muffin-bottom pie -- sounds dirty.

CHRISTOPHER

Mm-mmm! There are baked goods in here. At first I thought I was dreaming.

SOOKIE

Please don't pinch me.

CHRISTOPHER

When I realized I wasn't, I thought, "somebody must've broke in here and started baking."

LORELAI

Baking and entering -- a crime wave sweeping the nation.

CHRISTOPHER

Just not used to that smell.

LORELAI

Well, enjoy. Sookie brought us coffee and freshly baked muffin tops.

CHRISTOPHER

Muffin tops?

SOOKIE

They are the best part.

CHRISTOPHER

Okay.

LORELAI

You got to be careful, though, because they induce a sugar coma where it makes you say, "yes, yes, anything, yes."

SOOKIE

I needed her to babysit today.

CHRISTOPHER

You need anything from me?

SOOKIE

Nope.

CHRISTOPHER

Then we're good to go. Actually, this is gonna work out well. Ship the daughter unit off to her grandmother, get rid of the wife unit. leaving the husband unit free to do some good, old-fashioned manual labor.

LORELAI

He's putting up a flat-screen.

SOOKIE

Oh, flat-screen what?

CHRISTOPHER

Come on. Are you serious?

LORELAI

TV.

SOOKIE

Oh.

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER

You'll see. You're gonna love it.

SOOKIE

Well, I should get going. I have to get ready for skiing. Oh, hey, do you have any magazines in case I get through both "R" and "S"?

LORELAI

Yeah, on the hall table.

SOOKIE

Okay, great. I'll get them on the way out. [Sighs] Thank you, Lorelai. [Sookie hugs Lorelai] I really, really appreciate it.

LORELAI

It's okay.

SOOKIE

[They hug again, Lorelai is feeling a little weird and looks at Chris] No, I mean, it takes a special person to, you know, on her day off.

LORELAI

No problem.

SOOKIE

Okay. Look what you're making me do. Okay. Bye. [Hugs Chris]

CHRISTOPHER

Okay. [Chuckles]

SOOKIE

Okay.

LORELAI

Bye.

SOOKIE

Bye.

CHRISTOPHER

Bye, Sookie. [Laughing] What was that?

LORELAI

I don't know. She's really excited about her skiing/reading trip. [Sighs]

CHRISTOPHER

This is good coffee.

LORELAI

It is good. It's from Luke's.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh.

LORELAI

Is that okay?

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah. [pushes the cup away]

LORELAI

Sookie brought it. Are you sure?

CHRISTOPHER

Of course. Why wouldn't it be?

LORELAI

Because.

CHRISTOPHER

It's fine.

LORELAI

Okay.

CHRISTOPHER

So, what do you do with the muffin bottoms?

LORELAI

Oh, she turned them into a pie, you know? She's like an Indian. They use all the parts of the buffalo.

CHRISTOPHER

I don't fully understand that woman.

LORELAI

She bakes good stuff.

CHRISTOPHER

That I get.

LORELAI

Hmm.

LORELAI

Oh, my god, the eagle has landed.

CHRISTOPHER

Yep, they delivered it while you were in the shower.

LORELAI

Did they deliver it or throw it?

CHRISTOPHER

Comes with a lot of equipment. Isn't it beautiful?

LORELAI

Yeah. And big.

CHRISTOPHER

All the better to watch Reggie Bush score touchdowns on.

LORELAI

I forget. Which one of the bush daughters is Reggie?

CHRISTOPHER

Ah you're gonna love it. Hey, have you seen the level?

LORELAI

The thing with the green bubble that goes back and forth?

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah.

LORELAI

Yeah, Paul Anka and I were playing with it.

CHRISTOPHER

You were playing with it with the dog?

LORELAI

Yes I was trying to hypnotize him with the bubble.

CHRISTOPHER

Ah-ha

LORELAI

See if I could talk him out of the habit of chewing on the corner of the welcome mat, or I was gonna give him a wacky posthypnotic suggestion, like the doorbell rings, and he spins around in circles.

CHRISTOPHER

Were you able to hypnotize him?

LORELAI

No, Chris, he's a dog. All right. I think you've got this under control. I'm gonna go sit on some babies.

CHRISTOPHER

Alright you do that, when you get back, we'll sprawl out on the couch and watch flat-screen plasma TV, and the world as you know it will never be the same.

LORELAI

You smell good.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah?

LORELAI

Familiar. Is that my conditioner?

CHRISTOPHER

Maybe. I don't know.

LORELAI

Are you using my conditioner?

CHRISTOPHER

Sometimes. Why? You don't like to share?

LORELAI

No, I'm married now. I love to share.

CHRISTOPHER

So, why is it so funny?

LORELAI

You don't have that much to condition.

CHRISTOPHER

I know that, but...

LORELAI

it's just been really unruly lately?

CHRISTOPHER

All right. I got work to do here.

LORELAI

All right, listen, I love that you're using my conditioner, and I love that you're putting up this Jumbotron thingy all by yourself, and I can't wait to watch flat sports with you, and I love you -- goodbye.

CHRISTOPHER

I will be here.

LORELAI

Hey, if you feel like shaving, I've got a brand-new Lady Schick in the drawer. Feel free to use it.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh I might just do that.

COURT OFFICER

Danes vs. Nardini?

LUKE

Hmm?

COURT OFFICER

Custody case.

LUKE

Oh, yeah, right. Uh, no, Nardini is not here. Nobody is here. [the officer goes back in the room] I mean, well, nobody from -- okay.

JIM

Luke.

LUKE

Oh, hey, Jim. Hey.

JIM

Been waiting long?

LUKE

No, no, no, I got here early. I wasn't sure where to park, so I got here early.

JIM

Always a good idea.

LUKE

Yeah, listen, uh, I meant to ask you -- will I start with a statement or?

JIM

No, no, you won't start with any statement.

LUKE

Okay.

JIM

Actually, the less you say, the better, which is good because the more you say, the more they can, well, you know.

LUKE

Right, right, um will they make a decision right away? Do they tell us?

JIM

Listen, I got to make a quick call. Give me a sec?

LUKE

Oh, yeah, no. Go. Go right ahead.

LUKE

Oh, hey.

ANNA

Hello, Luke.

LUKE

They're not -- we're not --

ANNA

Oh, are we early?

LUKE

Yeah, I guess, or they're behind.

LUKE

Did you park in the garage?

ANNA

Hmm?

LUKE

Yeah, do I get this thing stamped or what?

ANNA

I don't know. I didn't park in the garage.

LUKE

Oh. Okay. [Put the parking pass in his pocket.] Man, this place, huh?

ANNA

Yeah, what a waste of time.

LUKE

Yeah.

ANNA

Especially since there's no reason for it.

LUKE

Well, I mean...

ANNA

But you have to finish what you started, right?

LUKE

What I started?

ANNA

Yes, when you hired a lawyer.

LUKE

Well, I had to hire a lawyer. It was the only way I could see my kid.

ANNA

[Scoffs] I mean, come on. You really think you have a chance?

LUKE

Yeah, well, that's for a judge to decide.

ANNA

Well, step back. Take a look at it. I mean, look at yourself. You're... you -- a hermit living above a diner in some old, converted hardware store. It doesn't exactly paint a picture of "capable father."

LUKE

It doesn't matter where I live, and I have been nothing but a good father to April.

ANNA

And you know what you're not gonna get any points for your history with women, either.

LUKE

I don't know what you're talking about.

ANNA

Bailed on Lorelai, got divorced in a heartbeat.

LUKE

I did not bail on Lorelai.

ANNA

You have had no long-term relationships, Luke. Why would a judge trust you to have one with April?

LUKE

April... huh!... Knows...

BARBARA

Hi. Anna, all set?

JIM

Hello, Barbara.

BARBARA

Jim. Can we go in?

COURT OFFICER

The judge is ready for you.

JIM

Perfect timing.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

RORY

Hey, Paris.

PARIS

Hey Rory, just a second. I'm in the middle of something.

RORY

Did you have a good...

PARIS

No -- I have to set up the Goldman Sachs interview before spring break. My Christmas was fine, thank you. I assume yours was, too?

RORY

It was nice.

PARIS

Good. We've got the pleasantries out of the way. Can we move on?

RORY

I hope so. I am emotionally spent. What's all this?

PARIS

This is the game plan for what I call operation finish line.

RORY

Need more.

PARIS

Okay. We only have five months left before we leave the warm and comforting bosom of this university and face the bitterly cold shoulder of the real world.

RORY

"We"?

PARIS

You and I. You're the green marker. Green was a random choice, not a subtle comment about how inexperienced you are with real-life matters. Then again, maybe it was.

RORY

Hmm. Oh so I'm applying for an oceanography fellowship?

PARIS

And I might point out the application is due by February 28.

RORY

Yes but I know nothing about oceanography. I can't even tell you which direction the ocean is.

PARIS

You apply, you get the fellowship, then you decide if you want it.

RORY

I already know I don't want it.

PARIS

It's a defensive move. It's like monopoly. Your little wheelbarrow lands on St. James place. You think, "I don't want St. James place, "but I don't want some other schmo to get it, so I'll stick a plastic house there." Am I getting through to you?

RORY

You're making me want to play monopoly.

PARIS

Look, come the semester's end, you're gonna thank me for this chart. We cannot graduate unprepared.

RORY

Paris there is no way we're gonna have time to do all this stuff.

PARIS

I'm not saying it's not gonna be time-consuming, but there's two of us, so we'll divide it all up and report back to each other. I think we should have weekly report-back sessions. How about Friday afternoons at 5:00?

RORY

There's something to look forward to at the end of the week.

SOOKIE

Jackson!

JACKSON

One minute.

SOOKIE

Jackson, get the door!

JACKSON

One minute!

LORELAI

That's okay. I'm fine.

SOOKIE

Get the door!

JACKSON

Getting it, getting it. [Answering the door, Davey is hiding behind Jackson hold on to hit jumper.] Sorry, Lorelai.

LORELAI

That's okay.

JACKSON

I just put Martha down for a nap, and Sookie is getting dressed.

LORELAI

Okay.

SOOKIE

[From the other room] Ohh!

JACKSON

Ah, she's picking out an outfit now...

LORELAI

Gotta.

JACKSON

Thanks again for doing this.

LORELAI

Sure. So, where is Davey?

JACKSON

I don't know. I haven't seen him all day long.

LORELAI

Well that's too bad I brought over something special for him, but if he's not here, I'll just take it back home.

DAVEY

No!

LORELAI

Oh, there you are. Check out what's in my bag.

JACKSON

So, how's Christopher?

LORELAI

He's putting up a ginormous flat-screen as we speak.

JACKSON

Cool. What's the pixel aspect ratio?

LORELAI

It's got two remotes.

JACKSON

I'll ask him.

LORELAI

Good idea. [Sookie enters] Hey.

SOOKIE

Hey. [Too Jackson] Do you like this sweater on me?

JACKSON

Yeah, honey, it's great.

SOOKIE

I don't like it. I'm gonna change.

JACKSON

So, the four of us should go out sometime soon.

LORELAI

Sounds good.

JACKSON

I mean, I was gonna ask you two to join us next week in Woodbury for couples-bowling night, but you don't really seem like the couples-bowling type.

LORELAI

Why? What's the couples-bowling type?

JACKSON

I don't know, sort of boring married people.

LORELAI

But I am a boring married person now.

JACKSON

Do you even like bowling?

LORELAI

Not when I was single, but maybe now that I'm boring and married, it would be right up my alley.

JACKSON

You have to wear the shoes.

LORELAI

Forget it.

SOOKIE

How about this?

JACKSON

Ooh, that I really like. That's nice, the style and the color.

LORELAI

Yeah.

SOOKIE

No, it's all wrong. I'm gonna change.

LORELAI

Is she okay?

JACKSON

Sookie? Um, yeah, she's fine. So, buddy, what did Lorelai bring?

DAVEY

Her magic socks.

JACKSON

Wow.

LORELAI

I could tell you what they do, but it's kind of private between me and Davey. [Sookie comes back] Oh, yeah.

JACKSON

That's perfect -- perfect, perfect, perfect. Let's go.

SOOKIE

Are you sure?

JACKSON

Absolutely. Kinsey Millhone is waiting for you.

SOOKIE

You don't think it's a little too...

LORELAI

Looks pretty...

JACKSON

No, I love that sweater. Don't you, Lorelai?

LORELAI

Yes, I love, love, love it.

JACKSON

Great. See? Everything is great. See you later, buddy. Thanks again for doing this. Come on. Let's go.

SOOKIE

I can't leave them.

JACKSON

You can.

SOOKIE

No, I can't. They need me.

JACKSON

They're going to be fine. Come on. Let's go.

SOOKIE

Don't you want mommy to stay here and play with you? Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't it Davey?

JACKSON

Come on let's go hit those slopes and crack those books. Thanks again, Lorelai.

LORELAI

Okay. Bye.

LORELAI

All right. Come here. Let's see your magic socks. Let's see 'em. Come here. Where do you want to go?

DAVEY

The jungle.

LORELAI

The jungle? You better start kicking. Start kicking to get to the jungle. Kick! Kick! You got to kick to get there. Where's your tiger...

RICHARD

Don't apologize, Connor. That's precisely why I have office hours. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that you can also query me by e-mail, although to be honest, I check it about as often as I do the daily racing form. [Laughs]

CONNOR

[shaking hands with Richard] Thanks.

RICHARD

Yeah. Mm-hmm. [Connor leaves] Miss Gilmore, I believe you're next. The visiting lecturer will see you now.

RORY

Thank you. Oh, I like your office. It's cozy.

RICHARD

Hmm. That's one way of describing it. So, have you come as a loving granddaughter visiting your grandfather or as an obsequious student trying to butter up her professor?

RORY

Well, I'm not buttering up.

RICHARD

Oh, good.

RORY

Well, actually...

RICHARD

Oh, I thought I smelled butter.

RORY

You know my, uh, roommate, Paris?

RICHARD

Oh, I've met Paris.

RORY

Well, and you don't have to do this, but she wanted me to ask you if you might be able to help her to set up an informal get-together with Dean Kerrigan.

RICHARD

To what end?

RORY

I think she wants some kind of recommendation for after graduation.

RICHARD

I see.

RORY

And I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to meet him, as well. But you don't have to.

RICHARD

No I suppose I could speak to Dean Kerrigan. He's an affable gentleman. He's probably not averse to getting together for wine and cheese and meeting a pair of bright, soon-to-be graduates. I'll look into it.

RORY

Really? Okay. Thanks, grandpa.

RICHARD

So, I'm looking forward to having you in class again.

RORY

Me too.

RICHARD

I think you'll find this class more stimulating than last semester's. I'm expanding on some economic principles here, like pricing strategies under varying economic conditions that can be actually useful to -- sorry. I shouldn't bore you until you're sitting in my class, getting credit for it.

RORY

No, I'm not bored. I'm sorry, grandpa. I just have a lot on my mind.

RICHARD

Is everything all right?

RORY

I just -- it's senior year, you know, last semester. There's charts all over my apartment, and I'm going through something with a friend, so.

RICHARD

Paris?

RORY

No, someone else. I hurt her feelings, and even after writing her a very long letter of apology, she hasn't gotten back to me, and I just feel terrible.

RICHARD

I see. Well, I doubt it's as bad as you think it is. I'm sure the girl will get back to you. Maybe she's just a very slow reader.

RORY

[Sighs]

RICHARD

Oh, honey, anybody who knows you knows you would never do anything to purposely hurt someone's feelings.

RORY

Well that's just it. We don't know each other that well. She's a new friend. We don't have a history.

RICHARD

Hmm. Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Rory, you're a person of great heart and great character. And that combination will always win the day.

RORY

I hope so.

RICHARD

So, can I interest you in a syllabus?

MAN ON TV

Did you blow on the dice again?

MAN#2 ON TV

Yeah.

MAN ON TV

That's what I thought.

MAN#2 ON TV

This is my good friend Al Capone from Brooklyn... .

JACKSON

I was just trying to be helpful.

SOOKIE

Cut it out, you're bugging me.

LORELAI

Hi. Wow, you're home early. I'm sorry it's such a mess. Um, the magic socks took us back in time. We were cavemen. It was really bleak, so we lived like this. I would've cleaned up, but when they woke up, the magic socks were gonna take us to an orphanage in England where they had to tidy up in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel.

JACKSON

Sounds fun. Don't worry about the mess.

LORELAI

So, how was the skiing/reading?

SOOKIE

Oh, uh, terrible.

JACKSON

Oh, come on. You had fun all morning.

SOOKIE

I could've had fun all day. We meet up for lunch. He spills my hot toddy all over the table, and he won't let me order another one.

LORELAI

"Let you"?

SOOKIE

Yeah, let me. He said if I ordered another, he'd do it again.

JACKSON

I just don't think drinking is appropriate at lunch.

SOOKIE

It was one drink.

JACKSON

Sometimes that's all it takes.

SOOKIE

And he wouldn't let me ski.

LORELAI

You mean read?

SOOKIE

No. Ski. "'S' is for 'silent'" sucked, so I thought, "why don't I strap on some skis and try a little downhill?" This one wouldn't let me.

JACKSON

Conditions were terrible. It was really icy.

SOOKIE

Well, apparently you make all the rules, your highness. Could I go check on my children? Could I do that, huh?

JACKSON

No, that's fine. Sounds good. [Sookie leaves and Jackson goes to the kitchen] So, thanks a lot for sitting. We really appreciate it.

LORELAI

Jackson, seriously, what's going on with you two?

JACKSON

Nothing much. You?

LORELAI

Jackson, why wouldn't you let her drink?

JACKSON

It's a bad precedent.

LORELAI

Or ski?

SOOKIE

I didn't want her to get hurt. You know there's all these snowboarders on the hill these days, and they just come tearing down...

LORELAI

Jackson!

JACKSON

Lorelai!

LORELAI

What is going on with you two?

JACKSON

Nothing.

LORELAI

You're acting strange.

JACKSON

No, I'm not.

LORELAI

So is Sookie. She's all over the place she's all weird and moody. The last time she was like that, she was pregnant.

JACKSON

What?

LORELAI

What?

JACKSON

What?

LORELAI

No.

JACKSON

No.

LORELAI

No?

JACKSON

Maybe?

LORELAI

[Gasps] Jackson, I thought you got a vasectomy.

JACKSON

Oh, so she says, "go get a vasectomy," and I'm just supposed to go get a vasectomy?

LORELAI

Well no you shouldn't do it if you didn't want to do it, but if you didn't want to do it, you should've told her you didn't want to do it.

JACKSON

I didn't see the point. Now I see the point.

LORELAI

Jackson.

JACKSON

She said she was staying on the pill. She said it gave her skin a healthy glow.

LORELAI

Yeah, she went off it last month.

JACKSON

I know that now you'd think that's the kind of thing a wife would tell her husband. Not when she thinks the husband had a vasectomy.

JACKSON

I know, I know.

LORELAI

Jackson, you have to tell her she's pregnant.

JACKSON

I was going to today after we had a great time and she was in a great mood, but then she wanted to ski and drink.

LORELAI

Well you wouldn't let her.

JACKSON

[whispering] She's pregnant.

LORELAI

Well I know that and you know that, but don't you think Sookie should be let in on the good news?

JACKSON

All right, all right.

LORELAI

Good luck.

JACKSON

Yeah. Thanks.

LORELAI

[Sighs]

JACKSON

Honey? Honey?

SOOKIE

No!

JACKSON

You can't just order someone to go get a vasectomy...

SOOKIE

You know what? J-just be really quiet right now! [Looking for her coat]

JACKSON

... Like it's a haircut.

SOOKIE

Don't speak. Don't breathe. Don't even look at me. I'm gonna go for a walk, and while I'm gone, you're gonna have that taken care of.

JACKSON

But...

SOOKIE

No. No talking. Just do it, or when I get home, I will. Lorelai, let's go!

BARBARA

As we all know, your honor, custody cases must center on what's in the best interest of the child.

JIM

And as we all know, "best interest" is a subjective term.

BARBARA

For Mr. Danes to have as much access to April as he's seeking would certainly not be in her best interest.

JIM

To deny the child access to her father would be psychologically damaging.

BARBARA

Why? The child has only seen Mr. Danes on spur erratic occasions whenever he found time in his schedule to allow her to visit.

JIM

He made himself available to her as often as she liked.

BARBARA

Truth be told, during the past year, April has spent more cumulative hours with the man who drives her school bus than with Luke Danes. Why don't we ask my client to allow the bus driver shared custody of the child?

JUDGE

Bit of a stretch there, Miss Campbell.

BARBARA

My point, your honor, is that April's connection to Mr. Danes is superficial at best. To her, he's a man who works in a diner who only recently revealed himself to be her father.

LUKE

Owns. I own the diner. I don't just work there, and April came to me.

ANNA

Yeah, without my knowing it.

LUKE

Exactly and you hand no intention of letting me know I had a daughter.

JUDGE

Excuse me. I suggest you let your attorneys speak for you. It is why you pay them all your hard-earned money.

ANNA

I apologize, your honor.

LUKE

Yeah. Sorry.

SOOKIE

I just -- and he really -- ohh! You know? And he didn't, and then I-I can't believe that he -- ohh! Ooh! You know, 'cause he didn't have -- he didn't, and I can't believe that he could've.

LORELAI

Sookie, you know you can't walk off a pregnancy, right?

SOOKIE

I had just delivered his baby, and then what? I'm supposed to go and hold my husband's hand while he gets a vasectomy to make sure he does? No. It's too much. I mean, I-I-I'm not his mother. I'm already a mother. You know I don't have the time to baby a grown man.

LORELAI

I know.

SOOKIE

I mean what am I supposed to do -- start watching him brush his teeth? Does he want me to start cutting his meat?

LORELAI

I don't think he wants his meat cut at all.

SOOKIE

Well, how could he do this?

LORELAI

I guess he didn't really want to have a vasectomy.

SOOKIE

Well, then, tell me.

LORELAI

I agree.

SOOKIE

Uhh!

LORELAI

I know. Uhh!

SOOKIE

I mean I didn't -- there was less than 4,000 left.

LORELAI

4,000?

SOOKIE

Diapers.

LORELAI

Ah

SOOKIE

Diapers. For the last year and a half, I've been changing 20 diapers a day, I mean and finally -- finally I've got Davey. You know he's potty-trained. It's good. You know Martha has always gone through a little more. I mean, girls -- it's a boy-girl thing. I don't know. Boys seem to be perfectly happy sitting in their own filth.

LORELAI

I didn't know that.

SOOKIE

Yeah, and Martha is 12 diapers a day. And then if you add the -- but that's not the point. The point is that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now the light at the end of the tunnel is no more because you can't do that with 23 diapers a day. [Gasps] 26. If it's a girl, that's 26 diapers a day.

LORELAI

Well you could use cloth diapers, you know? You wash them and -- that's not the point. I mean that's not the point. I get it that's a lot of diapers. But, you know, babies are more than diapers, right?

SOOKIE

No, no.

LORELAI

Sookie.

SOOKIE

No, all I remember is eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop.

LORELAI

Well, there's other stuff.

SOOKIE

Yeah, like oh like diaper rash and colic and potty-training.

LORELAI

No, the good stuff.

SOOKIE

Well, I'm having trouble remembering that.

LORELAI

For one thing, they're pretty cute.

SOOKIE

Well, but cute is not gonna help me sleep through the night.

LORELAI

They smell great -- that newborn smell I mean, you can't beat that, right?

SOOKIE

The smell is pretty good.

LORELAI

How about, you know, when you give them their first bath? And I remember when I gave Rory her first bath, she looked up at me like, "what the hell is going on?" And I kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

SOOKIE

You know Davey loved his first one. Martha screamed bloody murder. Oh, my god, all the screaming.

LORELAI

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how about the first time when they're crying and crying, and you go in to pick them up, and then they stop crying because they recognize you?

SOOKIE

That's pretty cool.

LORELAI

Yeah.

SOOKIE

I'm not gonna sleep, though.

LORELAI

Well, you won't sleep, but you'll get another first smile.

SOOKIE

You know, Davey had his at three weeks. It's really advanced.

LORELAI

Aww, how about when you're lying down, you're holding the baby, and the baby falls asleep on your chest?

SOOKIE

They're all warm and cuddly. Oh, god, I know what you're doing. You're trying to make this sound good.

LORELAI

In the middle of the night, when you're rocking the baby, and everyone is asleep. And then they fall asleep, and you fall asleep.

SOOKIE

I'm hormonal, and you are playing dirty.

LORELAI

It's pretty good stuff, huh?

SOOKIE

I guess.

LORELAI

Really good.

SOOKIE

Are you talking memory, or are you thinking ahead?

LORELAI

Oh, uh, I don't know -- a little of both, I guess.

SOOKIE

Really?

LORELAI

Well, the subject has come up. It might come up again.

SOOKIE

Oh, my god, I'm gonna have another baby.

LORELAI

Yes, and I will be there to help you, no muffin tops required.

SOOKIE

Thank you. I know. Oh, god, I hope I have a girl. Ooh! Or a boy.

LORELAI

Well, chances are pretty good you'll have one or the other.

PARIS

So, we seem to have a block of eight days here in late March that is disturbingly free of résumé-building activity -- might be a good time to commit to some volunteer work.

RORY

Sure.

PARIS

I'm not crazy about wheeling around elderlies in their revelling bathrobes, so I'm leaning towards tree planting.

RORY

Sounds good.

PARIS

I'll check out some local community-service sites online. Now I found out the cut off for the Lawrence Way journalism fellowship application is March 1st, so we have to get on that. And have you written your sample for the Iowa poetry prize?

RORY

Yeah, I think that one's a little farfetched. I mean, I only took one poetry class -- sophomore year.

PARIS

Hannah freeman is applying for a fulbright to study space travel in Luneberg, Germany. Do you think she's ever travelled to space? Besides, the writing sample is a poem -- takes 20 minutes to write, 2 if it's haiku.

RORY

I know but...

PARIS

You could've told me you were going to be so resistant to operation finish line when we agreed to it.

RORY

I'm sorry. When did we agree to it?

PARIS

And this is not about making charts. It's about our careers. It's about life. I'm trying to help you here. Did you talk to your grandfather about hooking me up with Dean Kerrigan?

RORY

[Distracted by seeing Lucy] Hmm? Um, yeah, I did. I did that.

PARIS

And?

RORY

Um, he said he'd look into it.

PARIS

"Look into it"? That's not going to cut it. You have got to put the screws to the guy. I don't care if he's your grandfather. He's part of our game plan, and he's got to play ball.

PARIS

Why do you keep... is that Lucy?

RORY

Yeah.

PARIS

Have you heard from her yet?

RORY

No.

PARIS

Oh, so now she's decided to just ignore you? How very "Heathers" of her.

RORY

I don't think she saw me. [Paris gets up and walks to Lucy.] Paris, no.

PARIS

Okay, look, it's time to put an end to this little junior-high game you're playing.

LUCY

Hey, Paris.

PARIS

Have you read Rory's letter or not?

LUCY

Um, yeah, I just...

PARIS

Well would you please tell her you forgive her and kiss and make up, because it's really messing with her head?

RORY

Um, sorry, Lucy, I didn't...

PARIS

Don't apologize. I've got her on the ropes.

LUCY

Look I just got back an hour ago, so I just read your letter.

PARIS

Yeah? And?

LUCY

Well, it's not really fair, I mean, you being a writer.

PARIS

Yeah, yeah, life's not fair. Can you let her off the hook, for god's sakes? In case you didn't know it, Rory is a great person, and she does not deserve to be treated this way.

RORY

Paris...

RORY

Anyone should feel lucky to call her a friend. I know I do, and you're throwing away one of the best.

RORY

Paris, please. I appreciate where this is coming from, but can we just have a minute?

LUCY

It was a really beautiful letter.

RORY

Thanks.

LUCY

Look, I know that Marty put you in a really crappy position and...

RORY

Yeah, but I -- well, he did.

LUCY

Totally crappy.

RORY

But I could've said, "No, Marty, you're being stupid and immature."

LUCY

Which he was so being.

RORY

But I just -- I handled it wrong. I mean, can I say again how much I screwed up?

LUCY

No, you didn't screw up. Marty asked you to do something really weird and wrong, and you did it 'cause you're a great person. Ask Paris.

RORY

Well, I don't know about --

LUCY

Look I even tried to figure out what I would've done in your shoes, and, I mean, I even tried to act it out with Olivia playing the role of Marty.

RORY

Seriously?

LUCY

I know, right? Any chance to act. But um, it didn't really work because as much as I love Olivia, her Marty was so over-the-top.

RORY

Are things okay with you and Marty?

LUCY

Arr not so much. We broke up.

RORY

Oh, no.

LUCY

Oh, well, right?

RORY

I'm so, so sorry.

LUCY

No, I mean, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't meant to be. Listen, I got to go to my first class.

RORY

Oh, yeah, okay.

LUCY

But I'll call you, okay?

RORY

Okay. Yeah. See you.

PARIS

Everything okay now?

RORY

Yep.

PARIS

Good. Did you ask her about actresses she knows at Yale drama? Why have I even bothered to do all this?

CHRISTOPHER

Perfect. Yeah. There we go.

PAUL ANKA

[Barks]

CHRISTOPHER

What? That's straight. It's straight. Fine, you want me to prove it? I'll find a level and prove it. [looks in his tool box] Where's the level, Paul Anka? The level! [Claps at Paul Anka to get up] Find the level, boy! All right. You've been absolutely no help.

JUDGE

All right, now, Miss Nardini, what kind of provisions have you made for your daughter in New Mexico -- house, schools?

ANNA

Well I've already rented a house in a nice area, um checked out the immediate neighborhood, and there's a lot of kids there that are April's age.

JUDGE

Hmm.

ANNA

I have enrolled her in a local school that is very highly recommended, um, put her up for swim team.

JIM

Your honor, we don't contest that Miss Nardini will make April's transition to the new living situation as seamless as possible. We contest the part where she cuts the child off from her father.

BARBARA

A father she barely knows, who does not have -- let's face it -- the most sterling personal history.

LUKE

Okay. Look. I know what you're talking about, and, yeah, I've made a few mistakes.

JIM

Luke, hang on.

LUKE

It's true. I was married before, and it only lasted a few months, but it ended amicably... pretty much.

JUDGE

Mr. Danes, I need you to refrain...

LUKE

And I may live above a diner, and some people may see me as a hermit.

JIM

Luke.

LUKE

And I'm the first person to admit that you know all of my relationships haven't exactly been long-term.

JUDGE

Mr. Mcnally.

LUKE

Yeah, you know, but this is different. We are talking about my daughter, who I didn't even know I had for the first 12 years of her life. And now that I know her, and I know I'm her dad, I just want to be with her and be her dad 'cause I know I will be a good dad.

JUDGE

Mr. Danes, be quiet.

JIM

I'm sorry, your honor. This won't happen again.

LUKE

[Sighs]

CHRISTOPHER

Mm-hmm. Nope. [Sighs, opens a draw] Aha! All right. [then sees the note pad and picks it up]

JUDGE

Alright now that I've had the opportunity to hear from both sides in this case, I'm going to read some personal references into the court record. The first letter is written on behalf of Mr. Danes by a miss Lorelai Gilmore. This is dated January 9, 2007. "To whom it may concern, In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met."

LORELAI

"I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever."

JUDGE

"I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter" [cut to shot of Luke's reaction] "would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore."

LORELAI

Hiya! I want to see the TV. [Gasps] Holy cripes, that's big! Oh, my gosh. Does that come with a slushee machine and a gangly teenage usher? Honey, the deal with sookie... [sees the not pad] Chris?

CHRISTOPHER

I read your letter.

LORELAI

Honey, it's not a letter. It's just a character reference that Luke asked me to write for his court case.

CHRISTOPHER

Reads like a letter.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah?

CHRISTOPHER

Almost like a love letter.

LORELAI

No, it's a favor that Luke asked 'cause he needed...

CHRISTOPHER

You know what? Before you go through a whole list of excuses, let me just ask -- is our marriage for you basically just marking time?

LORELAI

What?

CHRISTOPHER

Come on, Lore.

LORELAI

Of course not.

CHRISTOPHER

I mean obviously you still have very deep feelings for the guy.

LORELAI

No, no, I just have known him a long time, and he's...

CHRISTOPHER

always been there, always will be there.

LORELAI

Luke needed a character reference for court to prove that he deserves partial custody of April, and I know him really well.

CHRISTOPHER

Yes, you do.

LORELAI

And so it just made sense that he would ask me to write that character reference.

CHRISTOPHER

I can't believe I just had coffee from his place.

LORELAI

Coffee? Sweetie, I told you Sookie brought that, okay?

CHRISTOPHER

Do you still talk to him? I mean, do you see him?

LORELAI

This is crazy.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, I got a right. I have a right to know.

LORELAI

Occasionally I see him because we live in the same town.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah, and I know you, Lore.

LORELAI

And?

CHRISTOPHER

And I know that you're not done with him.

LORELAI

Okay, this is ridiculous. This is -- hey, this is a ridiculous conversation, okay? I have a history with him, yes. I was engaged to him, yes. But I married you.

CHRISTOPHER

Tell me you're not in love with him.

LORELAI

I'm not in love with him.

CHRISTOPHER

[Sighs] I should've known. I mean, I mean, all the signs were there.

LORELAI

What signs?

CHRISTOPHER

The fact that you didn't want to leave stars hollow, that you were dead set against redoing the wedding, that you didn't want to have a baby with me. I mean, it's all because of him, right?

LORELAI

No. How can I tell... it's over, okay? What I had with him, it's over, Chris.

CHRISTOPHER

Then why did you hide the letter from me?

LORELAI

I wasn't hiding it. I put it in the drawer in case they lost the typed copy or the judge spilled coffee on it, the dog ate it. I don't know why I didn't tell you about it.

CHRISTOPHER

I think that it's because you're still in love with him.

LORELAI

No, I love you. I love you.

CHRISTOPHER

You know what? I-I'm sorry, Lore. I just -- I can't handle this.

LORELAI

Handle what?

CHRISTOPHER

This. You and him. I just -- I can't handle being your second choice. I thought I could, but I can't, all right? I can't be your rebound. I'm sorry.

LORELAI

Christopher?

LORELAI

Chris?

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

RORY

Okay, I will check out the Poposaurus project at the Peabody, but there is no way I'm signing up for the LSATS.

PARIS

Sure you are. Don't get lazy on me now. The finish line is in sight.

RORY

I'm not being lazy, Paris. It's just I'm not interested in being a lawyer. I'm interested in journalism.

PARIS

Just because you go to law school doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer. Look at Dan Abrams he's a journalist but because of his law degree, he became the face of the Scott Peterson trial.

RORY

Well I don't want to be the face of the Scott Peterson trial, and I hate Dan Abrams. I will also not be taking the MCATS.

PARIS

Sanjay Gupta, senior medical correspondent at CNN, [Rory's phone rings] right now he's got the market cornered.

RORY

Well, good for Sanjay. [Answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Lucy. Now? Um, yeah, yeah. Um no, that sounds great. I'll see you there. Okay. Bye. Grab your coats. We're going tray sledding.

PARIS

What?

RORY

We're gonna meet Lucy over at the dining hall, sneak out a couple of trays, and then go tray sledding down science hill. We can cross it off the list, come on.

PARIS

But tray sledding isn't slated to happen for a few more weeks.

RORY

Well that's okay there might not be as much snow in a couple weeks. And Lucy and Olivia happen to be going today, so let's go.

PARIS

Are you sure you want me to come?

RORY

Paris.

PARIS

Okay, okay.

RORY

Hey, uh, listen. Thanks for saying those things you said about me in the cafeteria.

PARIS

Oh, well, I just didn't want your juvenile hysterics to muck up the whole chart.

RORY

I know.

PARIS

I mean you two were behaving like children. I thought I was gonna have to put you on the naughty step.

RORY

Still, it's just nice to hear sometimes.

PARIS

You're not going to cry, are you?

RORY

No, I don't think so.

PARIS

Good.

RORY

Are you ready?

PARIS

I'm ready!

RORY

Let's go. Oh, wait. If you fall and break your face, as many tray sledders do, don't even worry about it 'cause you can spend the night in the infirmary, which is another typical college experience.

PARIS

Wait. What?

RORY

Come on.

LORELAI

Hello?

LUKE

[In his apartment] Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?

LORELAI

Uh, no, hi. No, I'm up.

LUKE

I just had to tell you. I won.

LORELAI

[still half asleep] You won?

LUKE

It's incredible. I thought I was screwed. I mean, her lawyer dug up every last bit of dirt she could find on me but.

LORELAI

Oh. Oh, yeah. Luke, that's great.

LUKE

Yeah, the judge waited until this morning to give us her decision. Oh, man, was that the longest night of my life. But I just got off with my lawyer. I get shared custody.

LORELAI

Wow. Congratulations.

LUKE

Yeah, I get to see April at least one weekend a month, every other major holiday, half the summer. We're gonna work it all out. It's so great.

LORELAI

So great.

LUKE

Yeah, I guess the judge just took everything into consideration and realized how much I wanted to be in April's life. And, of course, your letter was a big help.

LORELAI

Well, I just wanted to help you, help April.

LUKE

Well, you did, and I'm really grateful. Anyway, uh, sorry to call so early. Thanks again.

LORELAI

Congratulations.

RICHARD

Now, when it comes to papers, I'm guessing that some of you, of course, will be asking me for an extension. You will be happy to learn that I have no problem with extensions. [light laughter by the class] Here's what you do. You look at the due date of the paper, and then you mark it on your calendar two weeks prior to that date. And there you have it. I've just granted you a two-week extension. By the way, my office hours are every Tuesday morning, and you're welcome to come to me with any questions or problems, economic or non. My expertise extends beyond Keynesian theory, and I will be happy to lend an ear. So, let's get started. As you know, this course... [Breathless] Will take a specific look at... processes and determinants... of overall economic P... [Gasps softly and groans, falls to the floor as the screen fades to black]

WOMAN

[might be Rory] Someone call 911.