T7E19: “It’s Just Like Riding a Bike”

LORELAI

Hey [Chuckles to Kirk as she sits at the counter]

KIRK

Well, well, well I always suspected this day would come.

LORELAI

Hi Kirk.

KIRK

You're not getting this seat back.

LORELAI

Huh?

KIRK

You can't, it's mine now and frankly I can see why you hogged it for so long.

LORELAI

What?

KIRK

It's clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise it's positioned between two air-conditioning vents which creates a nice cross ventilation...

LORELAI

Hey Kirk...

KIRK

...never.

LORELAI

You can have the seat. Hey [To Luke]

LUKE

Hey. [Short pause] Coffee?

LORELAI

Yes please.

LUKE

All right, ah to stay or to go?

LORELAI

Um... To stay.

LUKE

Good, okay.

MISS PATTY

Lorelai.

BABETTE

Hi ya doll.

LORELAI

Hey.

MISS PATTY

It's so nice seeing you back in here.

LORELAI

Thanks.

BABETTE

Been a long time.

LORELAI

Yah.

BABETTE

What 9, 10 months.

LORELAI

Something like that.

KIRK

Actually I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in her last 'cause I marked it in my calendar. [Looks it up] "May 22, 2006, stool available?" it's important to...

LUKE

Enough Kirk, here you go.

LORELAI

Thank you. [Exhales] So how's it going?

LORELAI

Oh really well. They inn is really busy.

LUKE

Yeah I'll bet.

LORELAI

And so how are you doing.

LUKE

Me? Good, really good.

LORELAI

Good.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Um, it sure is warm outside.

LUKE

Yeah you know when I opened the diner this morning I remember thinking how warm it was.

LORELAI

Really!

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

You know what maybe I should take this to go. To get back to work and.

LUKE

Yeah okay let me just get you a cup.

LORELAI

It's been really busy at the Inn.

LUKE

Yeah. Yeah you said. There you go.

LUKE

Lid on there.

LORELAI

Oh great.

LUKE

Nah, I got it.

LORELAI

Thanks.

LUKE

Okay so I'll see you around.

LORELAI

Definitely, I'll see you around. Okay.

LORELAI

Bye.

MISS PATTY

Bye.

LORELAI

Hi.

SOOKIE

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

LORELAI

You called me.

SOOKIE

Oh, no, not you. I was talking to Davey. Hey.

LORELAI

Hey.

SOOKIE

I was just calling to let you know I'm not coming into work today. [To Davey] No, no, no, no, no itching. No itching. Just pat, pat. Par, pat.

LORELAI

Is everything okay?

SOOKIE

Oh, everything's fine. I just hate that stupid Rosie Milano.

LORELAI

Ugh, is she the woman at Davey's school with the big, fake boobs who all the dads think are real?

SOOKIE

No, but I hate her, too. Rosie Milano is a little girl in Davey's class.

LORELAI

Oh. Interesting choice for your nemesis.

SOOKIE

She came to school with the chicken pox.

LORELAI

Oh, no, I hate her, too. Davey and Martha?

SOOKIE

Yeah. I mean, not terrible cases. They've both been vaccinated, but I'm up to my ears in oatmeal baths. Plus I've got to find a hotel for Jackson because the inn is completely full -- "go, us," by the way.

LORELAI

Why does Jackson need to stay in a hotel?

SOOKIE

He's never had the chicken pox. I mean I know he's already been exposed, so he may get them anyway, but if there's a chance in hell to avoid him getting them, I'm gonna do it because that man is a huge baby.

LORELAI

Well he doesn't need to stay at a hotel, he can just stay at my place.

SOOKIE

Lorelai, you are my best friend in the entire world. I could not sic Jackson on you.

LORELAI

Oh, please.

SOOKIE

No, the man's a slob. This morning, I could have killed him, with the wet towels all over the floor.

LORELAI

It's so not a big deal. Why waste money on a hotel?

SOOKIE

Are you sure?

LORELAI

Yes. Please, end of discussion. He's staying with me.

SOOKIE

Okay, well, thank you, and I want you to remember this moment because you offered.

LORELAI

Okay, well...

SOOKIE

Okay. Well, I'm gonna pick him up and bring him over to you around 6:00.

LORELAI

Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, so I went into Luke's this morning.

SOOKIE

What? Why didn't you cut me off? It's not like the kids have bubonic plague. How did it go?

LORELAI

It was awful.

SOOKIE

Oh!

LORELAI

Yeah everybody was staring at us.

SOOKIE

Oh, I'm sure they weren't.

LORELAI

Sookie.

SOOKIE

Yeah, they were staring.

LORELAI

Yeah it was just awkward, and neither of us knew how to act.

SOOKIE

I'm sure it seemed worse than it really was.

LORELAI

Uh, no. We hit the weather in the first minute.

SOOKIE

Ohh. Well, it has been unseasonably warm, but you know things will get better.

LORELAI

I don't know. Maybe there's just too much history.

SOOKIE

Oh, history, schmistory. Couples have been breaking up and becoming friends. I mean look at Ryan O'neal and Farrah Fawcett, huh?

LORELAI

Really Ryan and Fawcett that's the most well-adjusted relationship you can come up with?

SOOKIE

I mean I'm sorry. He's been in the news lately -- that whole shooting-a-gun-at-his-son thing.

LORELAI

Hey, s-- oh! God.

SOOKIE

What was that?

LORELAI

I don't know.

SOOKIE

Oh!

LORELAI

Oh! It's coming from my car.

SOOKIE

Pull over.

LORELAI

I am.

SOOKIE

Pull over! Pull over! Pull over!

LORELAI

I am. I am. I-I've pulled over. Hold on. I'm turning it off.

SOOKIE

Are you okay?

LORELAI

Yeah, I think so.

SOOKIE

Well, what was that?

LORELAI

You know, the carburetor?

SOOKIE

Oh. Ooh, or maybe the alternator.

LORELAI

I think I better call Gypsy.

SOOKIE

That's probably a good idea.

LORELAI

Okay, bye.

SOOKIE

Bye.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT.

PARIS

Finally. Doyle, she's here! Where were you? Your "20th century poets" class ended two hours ago.

DOYLE

Hey, Rory.

RORY

Hey, Doyle. I was just dropping Logan off at the airport.

DOYLE

Oh yeah he has that meeting in San Fran. When is it?

RORY

Tomorrow afternoon.

DOYLE

Wish him luck for me.

RORY

I will.

PARIS

Seriously, you're gonna stand here making idle chitchat on the single most important day of my life?

DOYLE

Sorry, sweetie. Paris has some news.

PARIS

Not some news, the news. Responses from Harvard medical school, Johns Hopkins school of medicine, Penn medical, Yale law school, Stanford law school, and Columbia medical. And before you comment on envelope thickness, keep in mind that so much stuff is online these days that thickness is no longer an accurate indicator.

RORY

Mm-hmm

PARIS

I knew you would want to be here, when I opened them.

RORY

Yeah, right. Thanks.

DOYLE

Go on, hon. Do it!

PARIS

[Sighs] Okay. My lucky letter opener. Used it to open the envelope conveying my acceptance to Yale four years ago. And don't look at me like I'm some kind of superstitious freak. It's just a precautionary device. If it works, great. If not, I need it to open letters anyway. I don't know which to open first. Choose one.

RORY

Okay, uh... Yale law school.

PARIS

Yale law school. Okay, wow. That's a great school. I'd be lucky to get in there, you know? You open it.

RORY

Me?

PARIS

You're lucky.

RORY

I am?

PARIS

How else do you explain the fact that you got into Harvard and I didn't?

RORY

Oh, right, luck. Okay.

PARIS

Use the letter opener!

RORY

Oh. Are you sure the letter opener's luck isn't gonna cancel out my luck?

PARIS

I don't know, is that how it works?

RORY

I was kidding. Sorry. Here we go. All right. "Dear Paris Geller, we are pleased to inform you --"

PARIS

I got in! Whoo!

RORY

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.

PARIS

Thank you. Thank you so much for your participation in operation finish line, for your friendship, for everything. You've always been an inspiration to me, Rory Gilmore.

RORY

Aw.

PARIS

I mean, the way you cut your ruthless path to the head of the Yale daily news and never looked back -- I never told you, but I really admired that.

RORY

Thanks?

PARIS

And, Doyle, I know this process didn't exactly bring out my soft and fuzzy side.

DOYLE

Doesn't matter. I love you, baby, and I am so proud of you.

PARIS

I love you, too. I just can't believe I got into the second best law school in the country. It's such an honor! It doesn't matter really if I get into the others. I have a great option right here.

RORY

You do.

PARIS

Yeah! Anyway, go ahead. Might as well open Harvard, even though it doesn't matter. Use the letter opener again.

RORY

Okay. [opens the letter] Okay. "We are pleased to inform... "

PARIS

Whoo! [Very excited again] I got in! I got in!

DOYLE

All right!

RORY

Congratulations!

PARIS

Bite me, Harvard, bite me!

DOYLE

Yeah, chock on it!

PARIS

I'm tempted to reject them the same way they rejected me that dark day four years ago. Who's laughing now?!

RORY

Okay, um, so, next we have, what? The university of Pennsylvania? All right. Let's see what it says. [Chuckles] All right. "We are pleased to inform... "

PARIS

In? I'm in? Yes!

DOYLE

Oh!

PARIS

What's that about?

RORY

Hmm?

PARIS

Your noticeable drop-off in enthusiasm. Is that a reflection of the fact that you're less impressed by my admission to the university of Pennsylvania school of medicine than you were by my other acceptances?

RORY

I'd say we're just as impressed. Wouldn't you, Doyle?

DOYLE

Oh, absolutely. Because it's a pre-eminent institution in the interrelated disciplines of patient-care education and research.

RORY

It's a great school.

DOYLE

Mm, top-notch.

PARIS

Fine, you've made your point. Perception should play a role in my decision-making process.

RORY

Well I guess that's what Doyle and I were saying.

PARIS

I mean lets face it, you say "Harvard medical school," and people are automatically impressed, and that counts for something.

RORY

That's true.

PARIS

SO you think I should go there?

RORY

Oh, well, that's not what I'm saying -- or that you shouldn't. I'm just... What I'm saying is that you have all these great options.

DOYLE

Yeah.

PARIS

I know. So, how do I decide?

DOYLE

Oh, you'll figure it out, hon.

PARIS

How? This is a huge decision, the biggest decision I've had to make in my life. Law school or med school? I have two passions, and obviously, I'm vastly talented in both fields. What muse do I follow? Not to mention location-wise, where do I want to live for the next three or up to eight years? Open the others.

RORY

Yeah? Okay. Columbia.

DOYLE

[Chuckles]

RORY

Also a good school.

DOYLE

Mm-hmm.

RORY

"We are pleased... "

PARIS

Oh, god!

RORY

Paris you're just being silly, okay? It's good to have options.

PARIS

Yeah right you can say that because there's only one thing you want. Talk to me if you don't get the New York Times fellowship and you have to choose between six other papers.

PARIS

I'm sorry. I just meant it must be nice to know what you want.

RORY

Well, "nice" -- yeah, that's one way to put it, and "scary" is another.

PARIS

You have a great shot at the Reston.

DOYLE

You do and with A.J. Abrams writing that rec...

RORY

Well I'm sure all the candidates have great recommendations.

PARIS

New York Times would be lucky to have you.

RORY

Thanks. Well, I'll find out soon enough, but come on. This is your moment. Should we open another one? All right. [Opens letter] Hey, hey. You got into Stanford!

DOYLE

Whoa! Someone's on a roll!

RORY

Yay!

PARIS

Enough with the hysterics. I have a big decision to make, and all this hooting and hollering isn't exactly helping matters.

LORELAI

What do you mean you can't fix it, gypsy? It's only eight years old. [To Sookie and Jackson] Hi, come on in. Everyone knows you can fix anything. Sit down. Sorry I have guest, make yourselves at home okay.

SOOKIE

Unh-unh-unh-unh.

JACKSON

Wha...

SOOKIE

Ignore Lorelai.

JACKSON

What?

SOOKIE

You are absolutely not to make yourself at home, don't leave your clothes lying all over the house.

JACKSON

I won't.

SOOKIE

Wipe your shoes off if you go outside and come back in.

JACKSON

I will. Don't leave them laying around in the middle of the room or anywhere where they can be smelled.

JACKSON

Sookie.

SOOKIE

Just don't touch anything, and hang up your wet towels.

JACKSON

I have stayed at other people's houses before.

SOOKIE

I know. Why do you think I'm saying all of this? And just try not to annoy Lorelai.

JACKSON

Believe it or not, I don't try to annoy other people.

SOOKIE

Well congratulations, because you have a natural talent.

JACKSON

Sookie!

SOOKIE

What?

JACKSON

Nothing. Is that all?

SOOKIE

No, I packed you a salad. Eat it in the kitchen at the table on a plate. Please do not make a mess. I wanted to stay around and say thank you to Lorelai, but I should get back to the kids.

JACKSON

Yeah, yeah you should get back to the kids. It sounded like that's gonna take a while.

SOOKIE

Really?

JACKSON

Oh, yeah. They're talking about cars. I mean that phone call could take hours. Go, really.

SOOKIE

Well call me if you need anything.

JACKSON

I will.

SOOKIE

And don't use Lorelai's home phone.

JACKSON

Kiss the kids good night for me.

SOOKIE

I will.

LORELAI

Thanks for trying. Okay. Thank you. Bye. [Sookie leaves just as Lorelai returns from the kitchen] Sorry about that.

JACKSON

Oh! No problem. Thanks again for letting me stay.

LORELAI

Oh, sure, my pleasure. Have a seat. [Hesitating to sit] So, where's Sookie?

JACKSON

Oh you know she had to get back to the kids.

LORELAI

Oh. Well, how's she holding up?

JACKSON

O-okay. A little tense. What's going on with the car?

LORELAI

Gypsy says I have to put it down.

JACKSON

What?

LORELAI

Yes. She said it would be cheaper to get a new one. She used the phrase "total internal destruction."

JACKSON

Wow.

LORELAI

I know. I guess that check-engine light is not just a suggestion.

JACKSON

Not so much.

LORELAI

Although I'm proud. Total internal destruction -- that sounds badass.

JACKSON

So what's next?

LORELAI

Uh, I guess I turn my evil power on some new, unsuspecting vehicle.

JACKSON

Do you know what you're gonna get?

LORELAI

No. Any suggestions?

JACKSON

Honestly, I'm not a car guy, but I can steer you toward a good tractor.

LORELAI

Alright if I decide to get a tractor, you're my guy.

JACKSON

Hey, do you need a ride to work tomorrow? Phil Henderson's gonna pick me up. We could drop you off on the way to the farm.

LORELAI

Well that's nice. What time are you going?

JACKSON

About 4:45.

LORELAI

No, no, no. That's too early. I'll take my bike.

JACKSON

You bike?

LORELAI

Well, I don't bike, but I have a bike. There were about two weeks when Rory was 10 that we were really into biking. Then we got over it and moved on to roller skating, but for those two weeks, it was biking all the way.

JACKSON

12 years ago?

LORELAI

Is that how long ago it was? Oh, well. I'll be fine. They must have the phrase "it's just like riding a bike" for a reason. Okay, so, I'm gonna get a snack. You want to join me?

JACKSON

Uh, actually, no. Sookie made me a salad.

LORELAI

[Scoffs] I'm making chicken nuggets. I won't tell. Come on.

LORELAI

Hello?

RORY

Hi, mom.

LORELAI

Oh, why so blue?

RORY

I'm not blue.

LORELAI

Come on, talk to me.

RORY

All I said was, "hi, mom."

LORELAI

Are you missing Logan? Is he getting back from San Francisco soon?

RORY

On Friday, but that's not why I'm blue. I'm not even blue. Well, I'm not really blue.

LORELAI

Well, why are you not blue?

RORY

Well, Paris got into six schools yesterday, which means she's definitely going to grad school, and I'm happy for her. I mean, I'm happy for Lucy and Olivia, who signed a lease on an apartment in Manhattan -- well, near Manhattan. And I'm happy for this guy in my Shakespeare class who just got recruited for a think tank in Washington.

LORELAI

Wow, that's a lot of happy.

RORY

Yeah, that's just it. All of a sudden, everyone seems to know where they're gonna be next year.

LORELAI

Oh, and you're still waiting to hear?

RORY

Yeah. I mean, I really want the Reston.

LORELAI

And I think you're gonna get it, I really do. But you have other places you're waiting to hear from.

RORY

I know, but to live in New York city and work at the times.

LORELAI

Well, if I say it'll work out, does that help?

RORY

Not really.

LORELAI

Consider it unsaid.

RORY

Thanks.

LORELAI

What kind of think tank?

RORY

I know, I know I should have asked, but I temporarily forgot your fascination with think tanks.

LORELAI

Does the guy have a big forehead? I always picture the think-tank guys with big foreheads.

RORY

No, he has a pretty average-sized forehead. Average to small.

LORELAI

Interesting.

RORY

Mm. Hey, why do you sound out of breath?

LORELAI

I don't know.

RORY

Did you have too much coffee this morning?

LORELAI

Haven't had any. I didn't go to Luke's.

RORY

Oh, I thought you were going for a second run.

LORELAI

Well, maybe tomorrow.

RORY

Mom just do it, I know it's hard, but you guys need to get over this hump.

LORELAI

I promise I'll go back. It's just there's been a lot going on with the car and everything.

RORY

Oh, what did gypsy say?

LORELAI

It's bad.

RORY

Uh-oh.

LORELAI

Doorknobs.

RORY

As in "dead as"?

LORELAI

That's right.

RORY

Why? How?

LORELAI

Oh, ours is not to wonder why.

RORY

But it was so young.

LORELAI

I know.

RORY

It just seems like yesterday that we went to pick it out.

LORELAI

Yeah.

LORELAI

It's on the list right behind the Batmobile. Although I'm enjoying the whole biking thing.

RORY

What biking thing?

LORELAI

I'm biking to work right now.

RORY

What, now? Mom.

LORELAI

What?

RORY

Pull over.

LORELAI

No!

RORY

That's dangerous.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm fine. I've been talking to you with a little ear thingy.

RORY

Well, pull over right now.

LORELAI

Okay, I'm pulling over, pulling over. Okay, I pulled over.

RORY

Yeah, I know you're not. I'm hanging up.

LORELAI

Okay, bye!

SOOKIE

Hey, anything good?

LORELAI

Um, here's one that comes loaded with an entertainment pkg.

SOOKIE

"Package."

LORELAI

Right. Satellite radio, six-cd changer. I'm just not sure if these are cars or really expensive stereos.

SOOKIE

Ooh, you should get a convertible.

LORELAI

I'm not a convertible person.

SOOKIE

What is a convertible person?

LORELAI

You know, too tan, bad hair.

SOOKIE

[Too a kitchen staff] Hey, don't put the tomatoes in until 10 minutes before you serve. [Gasps] Ooh! How about that little sports car?

LORELAI

Yeah, I don't know, I always feel like sports cars have an attitude, you know like they think they're cooler than other cars.

SOOKIE

That's true, although from where I'm sitting in my minivan, they do seem a lot cooler.

LORELAI

[giggles]

SOOKIE

So, thanks again for, you know, having Jackson. I know how difficult he can be.

LORELAI

Oh, he's great.

SOOKIE

Good. You can tell me the truth. I know he's driving you crazy, right?

LORELAI

He's great. We had fun. We watched TV. He went to bed early. It was fun.

SOOKIE

Oh. He's probably on his good behavior. He woke you up when he got up this morning, didn't he?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

He didn't?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

Oh, with all that stomp, stomp, stomping around.

LORELAI

Sookie, is everything okay with you two?

SOOKIE

Oh, yeah, yeah. Fine, fine, fine. He's just kind of getting on my nerves a little, you know. I'm just cranky. The little one's keeping me up at night. So, talk to me. What are you thinking?

LORELAI

How about a mini?

MICHEL

[Entering the room] Oh, how about a Rolls-Royce?

LORELAI

[Sarcastically] Yeah, I'll consider that.

MICHEL

Or a Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes, a BMW.

LORELAI

What are you doing, just listing expensive cars?

MICHEL

Take out a second mortgage on your home. It will be worth it.

SOOKIE

Michel, be quiet.

MICHEL

People are impressed by fine automobiles. It's how the world works. Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the rules. I just play by them.

LORELAI

Yeah, but you drive a golf.

MICHEL

Would you like to give me a raise?

SOOKIE

Ignore him! Okay, here's what I want you to do. Close your eyes.

LORELAI

Ooh, fun.

SOOKIE

Now, I want you to imagine your dream car. It can be anything you want. You're backing out of the driveway. You're driving through Stars Hollow. "Good morning, townspeople! Top of the morning to you."

LORELAI

Why am I saying "top of the morning"?

SOOKIE

It doesn't matter what you say. It matters what you're in. Can you see what you're in?

LORELAI

I think I can see it!

SOOKIE

Okay, what kind of car is it?

LORELAI

It's not really a car. It's more of a float.

SOOKIE

A float?

LORELAI

In the shape of a swan, and I'm dressed all in white.

SOOKIE

Okay, that's not a very practical car.

LORELAI

Al right. [Too Michel] What are you looking at?

MICHEL

I was trying to decide if you could pull off a Ferrari. Mm, you can't.

LORELAI

Maybe I'll get a really cool vintage car.

MICHEL

A used car? [Laughs] You cannot be serious.

LORELAI

What's wrong with a used car?

MICHEL

Would you buy a used toilet seat?

LORELAI

It's not really the same thing.

MICHEL

You're sitting in someone else's filth.

LORELAI

With pants on.

MICHEL

One can only hope.

LORELAI

Ew, Michel.

MICHEL

You don't know who drove it before.

LORELAI

No but I think I could have it cleaned.

MICHEL

Aw, you're right and I'm sure they got out all the sweat, body odor, and head lice that a previous owner deposited.

LORELAI

Ew! Shouldn't you be somewhere, like the reception desk?

MICHEL

Suit yourself.

LORELAI

Ew, ew.

SOOKIE

I know. And now if you get a cool old vintage car, I don't think I can sit in it.

LORELAI

Listen, don't worry. I'm getting a new car. I have more money now than I did eight years ago, and I can afford something nice, you know, with all the perks.

SOOKIE

Yeah, that makes sense.

LORELAI

I just don't know where to start.

SOOKIE

I wish I could be more helpful.

LORELAI

You know this is something Luke would be good at.

SOOKIE

Yeah.

LORELAI

I mean, in the old days, you know, before everything, when we were just friends, this is something I'd ask for his help with.

SOOKIE

Well, I mean, maybe you could.

LORELAI

Could I? I couldn't. Could I?

SOOKIE

You're talking. You're friends again.

LORELAI

Well, sort of friends. We have a long way to go.

SOOKIE

Well, you will be eventually.

LORELAI

You think something like this would help us get over the hump?

SOOKIE

Yeah, and you've got a built-in safe topic of conversation.

LORELAI

Yeah. Maybe I will.

SOOKIE

Great. I think it's a great idea.

LORELAI

All right, me too. I'll let you know how it goes.

SOOKIE

Okay, I'll be here. [Phone rings] Ooh. Hello? Hey, Jackson. No. Whoa. Wait a -- wait a minute. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa. You did what?

LORELAI

Hey. It's Lorelai. It's me. Hi. [Chuckles] Are you busy? Um, no, no, no. I just had a -- I had a quick question. It's kind of a favor, really. Um, my car is totally shot, and I need to buy a new car, and I just don't know anything about it, and I thought maybe sometime -- and if you don't have time, it's really no big deal -- but ma-- today? Oh... yeah. I mean, it doesn't have to -- sure. Yeah, we'll go look. Um, I don't know, like 1:30? Can you pick me up at the inn? Hey, thanks. Bye.

LUKE

I was gonna put the radio on, but it's been pretty static-y lately.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm fine. I don't need music.

LUKE

Yeah? Okay.

LORELAI

Thanks again for agreeing to come.

LUKE

No problem.

LORELAI

And again, I mean, it didn't have to be, you know, today.

LUKE

Oh, no, you know, the diner was slow, and you can't keep riding that bike around.

LORELAI

Why does everyone act like I'm a really bad biker?

LUKE

No, hey, I didn't mean it that way.

LORELAI

I'm just kidding.

LUKE

Oh.

LORELAI

It was a joke.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

So, um, April left, right?

LUKE

Yeah, but she'll be back in June.

LORELAI

Oh, for the big boat trip?

LUKE

Right, right.

LORELAI

That's gonna be fun.

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Are you excited?

LUKE

Yeah. [Chuckles]

LORELAI

Oh, good.

LORELAI

You know, I don't mind a little static.

LUKE

I was gonna say, it actually doesn't work that bad.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

SOOKIE

Have a nice life!

RORY

Doyle, is everything okay?

DOYLE

Oh, yeah, everything's great. My girlfriend of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me, but other than that...

RORY

She did? Why?

DOYLE

Who knows? [raising his voice] Maybe because she's psycho!

PARIS

[Screaming from inside the apartment] I am not psycho!

DOYLE

Oh, yes, you are!

RORY

What happened?

PARIS

Take that back!

DOYLE

Ask Paris. [screaming at Paris] I will not take it back because you are a certifiable nut job! [back to Rory] And, hey, if you find out why we broke up, let me know.

RORY

Oh, but, Doyle, where are you gonna go?

DOYLE

Crashing on my metro editor's couch for a couple of days, then I'll be back for my stuff. See you around.

RORY

See you around.

PARIS

Is he gone?

RORY

Yeah. What happened?

PARIS

We broke up.

RORY

But why?

PARIS

I have a really big decision to make, and I'm not about to let him influence it.

RORY

Was he trying to pressure you into staying in Connecticut next year?

PARIS

Well, no, not overtly, but it was in the air. And statistically, taking into account my geographic and socioeconomic background, the chances of me remaining with my college boyfriend are slim. So how am I gonna feel in 20 years when I look back and realize that I based such a huge decision on some college guy who may or may not make the holiday newsletter cutoff?

RORY

But you love him.

PARIS

Yeah, well, I'll deal.

RORY

Paris.

PARIS

Look, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?

RORY

Okay.

PARIS

The good news is I came up with a point system to evaluate each institution based on faculty, earning potential, location, prestige, and perception of prestige, which I've decided is worth two points. I'm not proud of that but like you taught me with your U. Penn reaction, that's how the world works.

RORY

Well, I'm glad to see you're making progress.

PARIS

As if. Three more acceptances. It's crazy. I mean I always thought that I'd be able to decide between medicine and law based on the quality of schools I was offered entrance to, but at this point, it's a toss-up. Everyone wants me.

RORY

Well, I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

PARIS

Of course I will. What do you think the point system's for?

RORY

Right. So, the mail got here. Anything for me?

PARIS

Nothing from the times.

RORY

[Groans]

PARIS

It'll come.

RORY

Yeah, I know. It's just waiting sucks.

PARIS

Yeah, it does.

LUCY

Hey, it's Lucy! I just wanted to give you a heads up for tonight, 8:00 P.M., Rich Man's Shoe. Get ready to toast Glenda. That's what we named our new apartment. I'll tell you why later.

PARIS

They named their new apartment?

RORY

I guess so.

PARIS

Weird. So, you're gonna go?

RORY

Yeah, I was going to. Do you want to come?

PARIS

I might as well. I mean Doyle and I were supposed to see a movie but guess that's not gonna happen.

RORY

Paris, are you okay?

PARIS

Yeah, I'm fine. Trust me, it's not like I've been dying to see "Blades of Glory" anyway. I'd better get started on my phone calls for the alumni surveys.

PAUL ANKA

(the dog)

[Whimpering]

JACKSON

I was admiring it, you know? And then I got to thinking that I could make Martha one, so I picked it up to see what the support system was like, only it was heavier than I thought, and, well, I dropped it.

SOOKIE

You dropped it.

JACKSON

Yes. And then I fell on it.

SOOKIE

Jackson.

JACKSON

I was trying to catch it!

SOOKIE

You broke the only thing from Lorelai's childhood that she actually liked!

JACKSON

I know. I know!

SOOKIE

How could you?

JACKSON

It was an accident.

SOOKIE

Well why did you have to touch it?

JACKSON

I told you, I was just looking at it.

SOOKIE

Well, you look with your eyes, not with your hands.

JACKSON

Well, maybe we could, you know, find a similar dollhouse.

SOOKIE

Oh, good idea. Let's just sneak it in in the middle of the night like we did with Davey's goldfish.

JACKSON

I'm just trying to think. Maybe I could try and put it back together?

SOOKIE

Yeah, you're so handy.

JACKSON

Okay, you know what? That's enough.

SOOKIE

What's enough?

JACKSON

I know what this is about, and it's not this dollhouse.

SOOKIE

Of course it is.

JACKSON

No, it's not. This is about me lying to you and you getting pregnant.

SOOKIE

What are you talking about?

JACKSON

All this anger you have toward me. That's where this is coming from.

SOOKIE

It's not. I told you I'm excited about the baby.

JACKSON

I know but that's not the same as forgiving me, which you haven't done.

SOOKIE

Yes, I have.

JACKSON

No, you haven't.

SOOKIE

I have.

JACKSON

You haven't.

SOOKIE

I have.

JACKSON

You haven't.

SOOKIE

Fine, I haven't! Are you happy?

JACKSON

No, I'm not.

SOOKIE

Well... I don't want to be mad. I don't. [sits down on the stairs] It's just that every time my feet hurt or my back gets sore or Davey and Martha have a tantrum or get the chicken pox, I get scared about having a third kid. And then I feel bad for feeling like that, and then I get mad at you for making me feel like that.

JACKSON

I understand. I do. Heck, I'm still mad at myself. It's just that at some point, you are gonna forgive me eventually, right?

SOOKIE

It's just sometimes it feels really overwhelming.

JACKSON

I know, but you got to let me back in.

SOOKIE

I want to. I do.

JACKSON

Okay.

SOOKIE

Okay. You were thinking about making a dollhouse for Martha?

JACKSON

She'd really like that, wouldn't she?

SOOKIE

Yeah. She would. Boy, you really plowed into that thing.

JACKSON

Oh, yeah.

SOOKIE

Hm.

LORELAI

Hmm.

LUKE

No?

LORELAI

No. Sorry it's taking so long.

LUKE

No, not at all. It's a big purchase. You're buying a car. You should take your time. I mean, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm rushing you.

LORELAI

Oh, you're not.

LUKE

No? Good. Because, you know, I've got plenty of time.

LORELAI

Good, me too.

LUKE

So, um, what didn't you like about that one, specifically, so we can kind of narrow things down?

LORELAI

Um, the whole thing. I don't know. It's a feeling. It's hard to explain like with the wrangler, I just got in and I had a feeling. I didn't get the feeling there.

LUKE

[Clearing throat] Yeah, right.

LORELAI

Huh?

LUKE

Huh.

LORELAI

Hmm.

LUKE

No, no. I just was clearing my throat.

LORELAI

Oh.

LUKE

How about a Prius?

LORELAI

Oh, yeah, I can't. Rory has one.

LUKE

She doesn't like it?

LORELAI

No, she does. It's just we made a pact -- no matching cars. You know 'cause it's a slippery slope between matching cars and then matching sweatsuits.

LUKE

[under his breath] Of course.

LORELAI

Huh?

LUKE

I just said, "of course."

LORELAI

Oh, okay. Yeah I'm sorry if this is frustrating for you.

LUKE

Oh, no, no, no. Not at all. It's not frustrating at all. It's fun. But, I mean, look, if you want to leave --

LORELAI

Oh, no, no. No, no, I'm having fun.

LUKE

Good. Good, good, good. So, what about a little hatchback?

LORELAI

Oh! Well, let's see here. [Opens the door and looks in.] Hmm. It's got a power thingy in the console. That could be convenient, you know, if I need to use a hair dryer if I'm running late.

LUKE

That's useful.

LORELAI

Oh. Excuse me.

LUKE

Yeah okay.

LORELAI

Be right back. [On the phone] Yeah, you know how Jack Bauer should torture terrorists? Make them go car shopping with their exes.

SOOKIE

[Still at Lorelai's] Still awkward, huh?

LORELAI

Still? I'm gonna buy a car just to get out of here.

SOOKIE

No, don't. Just leave.

LORELAI

I want to, and I can tell that he wants to, but neither of us want to say that we want to.

SOOKIE

Oh.

LORELAI

Yeah, I don't know how Ryan and Farrah do it, 'cause this whole friendship thing is not working out.

SOOKIE

Oh. It'll be possible, eventually.

LORELAI

I guess. I just can't take it anymore. What's going on?

SOOKIE

Hmm?

LORELAI

You called me.

SOOKIE

Oh! [Chuckles nervously] Well, um, I just wanted to see how things were going, and now you told me -- really, really bad.

LORELAI

Yeah, add about 10 reallys to that.

SOOKIE

Wow, 12. That's, um, wow. [Chuckles nervously] Okay. Well, I'll talk to you later.

LORELAI

Yeah, okay, bye. [puts on a smile before turning to Luke.]

LUKE

Everything okay?

LORELAI

Yeah, great.

LUKE

All right, good. Look, I was talking to the salesman. He said there's a bunch of other models that way.

LORELAI

Great.

LUKE

Okay, so...

LUKE

Well?

LORELAI

Well.

LUKE

You've been talking about your Jeep all day,

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

Comparing other cars to it.

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

Here it is.

LORELAI

I'm sorry.

LUKE

But I don't understand. It's the same car.

LORELAI

It's not the same car.

LUKE

What do you mean?

LORELAI

What do you mean? It's different.

LUKE

It's not different. It's just a newer model.

LORELAI

No, it's different. The steering wheel, the seats are different, the cup holder.

LUKE

Okay there have been improvements.

LORELAI

They made some changes.

LUKE

Improvements.

LORELAI

Says who?

LUKE

What exactly is bugging you?

LORELAI

It's not bugging me per se. It's just it's different. I don't get that feeling.

LUKE

Oh, for god's sake.

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

You're being ridiculous.

LORELAI

Why?

LUKE

You don't buy a car based on a feeling.

LORELAI

No. You don't buy a car based on a feeling.

LUKE

It's not just me. It's the whole rest of the population.

LORELAI

Really? You took a poll, and you know how everyone else buys their car?

LUKE

I don't have to. I already know what they're gonna say.

LORELAI

Well, I am the person buying the car, and so the only opinion that matters is mine.

LUKE

Oh, that is so like you. I mean this is bathroom tiles all over again.

LORELAI

I was right about the tile.

LUKE

No, you weren't.

LORELAI

The tile was too big for the bathroom.

LUKE

Tiles are not too big for a bathroom. You buy the amount of tiles based on their size that fit into the room you are tiling!

LORELAI

So narrow-minded.

LUKE

That's not narrow-minded. Okay it's sane, and here's a news flash for you, okay? Sports cars don't think they're better than other cars. Okay. Hatchbacks don't have SUV inferiority complexes.

LORELAI

Now who's ridiculous?

LUKE

And sedans aren't afraid to get dirty.

LORELAI

You know what I think it is? That you're hungry.

LUKE

What? No.

LORELAI

Sometimes you get like this when you're hungry.

LUKE

I'm not.

LORELAI

I think I have some cookies in here, some Oreos.

LUKE

I'm not and besides I wouldn't eat anything that came out of that bag.

LORELAI

They're in a wrapper.

LUKE

I can't believe you still haven't cleaned that thing out.

LORELAI

Please.

LUKE

How much time do you lose a day looking through that thing? 5, 10 minutes? Multiply that by a year. I bet you'd gain a month if you just took an hour and cleaned it out, but no -- what?

LORELAI

Nothing.

LUKE

You're smiling.

LORELAI

What? No. You've got low blood sugar.

LUKE

I do not have... okay, are you gonna buy a car or not?

LORELAI

Not.

LUKE

Okay can we get out of here, then?

LORELAI

Gladly.

LUKE

And we're not listening to any of that crap on the radio.

LORELAI

It's not crap.

LUKE

Yeah, it's crap.

LORELAI

It's Air Supply. You know what you need a milkshake.

LUKE

We're not stopping for a milkshake.

LORELAI

Okay let's rock, paper, scissors.

LUKE

No, no, no.

LORELAI

So you forfeit?

LUKE

No, I...

LORELAI

Well, that's how it goes. If you don't play the game, then you forfeit.

LUKE

Let's get you in the car.

LORELAI

That means a giant milkshake for you, my friend.

LUKE

We're not stopping.

LORELAI

Chocolate. That's gonna set you up.

LUKE

We're not stopping. Not gonna happen.

LORELAI

Hey, guys.

SOOKIE

Hey, Lorelai.

JACKSON

Hiya.

LORELAI

How's it going?

SOOKIE

Oh, we're just enjoying the afternoon. It's such A... nice day out. Come join us.

LORELAI

Okay.

SOOKIE

Hey, how'd it turn out with Luke?

LORELAI

Oh, he got mad at me.

SOOKIE

I'm sorry.

LORELAI

Oh, it was so great. I mean we've been so polite to each other, and I knew he was frustrated with me, and I was definitely frustrated with him, and finally, he snapped, and we started bickering, and it was nice.

SOOKIE

Ah.

LORELAI

More normal, you know?

SOOKIE

The fighting got you over the hump.

LORELAI

Yeah. I cannot find a car, though.

SOOKIE

Did you see anything you like?

LORELAI

No. I mean kind of, but they all have this new-car smell, which apparently people like, but I don't like it. I like the way my old car smelled and the way the zipper got stuck on the window and the little place where Rory signed her name in permanent marker.

SOOKIE

Lots of memories, huh?

LORELAI

It was the first new car I bought and the car I taught Rory to drive in, and I know I have to move on. I know that whatever new car, tractor, float, I get will be great. It's just been a more emotional experience than I thought.

SOOKIE

Makes sense.

JACKSON

Yeah. It does.

LORELAI

What's wrong with you two?

SOOKIE

We have to tell you something, and it's really bad timing because we're talking about memories, and the thing we have to tell you was associated with a lot of memories, but we have to tell you, so I'm just gonna tell you.

LORELAI

What is it?

SOOKIE

Jackson broke your dollhouse.

LORELAI

[Gasps] Oh. How broke?

SOOKIE

In a box in pieces. Trust me, you don't want to look.

LORELAI

Oh.

JACKSON

I am so sorry.

SOOKIE

No, it's my fault. I had you on edge. I had him on edge. We're both so sorry.

LORELAI

Oh, no, that's okay. It was an accident.

SOOKIE

Well, the good news -- not good news. I mean, the not-quite-so-devastating news is that we found someone online that is apparently a wizard with, you know, restoring dollhouses, and we're driving all the pieces over there tomorrow.

LORELAI

Oh, thanks. I'm sure it'll be fine.

SOOKIE

Yeah, everything can be fixed, huh?

LORELAI

Yeah. Is that why you guys are sitting out here?

SOOKIE

Pretty much.

LORELAI

Oh. You want to head on in?

SOOKIE

Sounds good. [Chuckles, Lorelai and Jackson her Sookie up] Yow.

LUCY

That's a living room, and our bedrooms will be here.

OLIVIA

We're gonna put partitions up. Aesthetically, Japanese screens would be nice.

LUCY

But privacy-wise, we definitely need partitions.

RORY

Well, it looks great.

LUCY

Oh, it's not great.

OLIVIA

Nowhere near great.

LUCY

What it is, is cheap.

OLIVIA

Which is even better than great since the gallery is paying me $21,000 a year, and I'm gonna have to start paying off student loans. How, I don't know.

LUCY

We'll make a budget. You'll swing it.

OLIVIA

I hope so.

RORY

Is it near the subway?

LUCY

That's the best part. It's right near the "W" then you transfer to the 7 or the "N."

OLIVIA

I wouldn't say it's the best part. It's definitely a schlepp.

LUCY

But it's a doable schlepp.

OLIVIA

Totally doable. If you get the Reston, you should look in our area.

RORY

Oh, I definitely will. Um, hey, is there student housing at Columbia?

LUCY

You got into Columbia?

PARIS

Yeah.

LUCY

You should go! How much fun will it be when we're all in the city?

PARIS

Maybe. Are you gonna finish that? [Drinks the last of Rory's beer.

RORY

Uh, no. Go for it.

LUCY

Olivia, darts?

OLIVIA

You're on. Let's play for the bedroom with the window.

RORY

Paris, are you okay?

PARIS

Me? Yeah, sure.

RORY

Come on.

PARIS

I just miss him, you know. It's hard.

RORY

I know. You didn't have to break up with him, though.

PARIS

Yes. I did.

RORY

Well, if you thought that he was pressuring you, couldn't you have just talked to him about it?

PARIS

He wasn't.

RORY

Well, then why?

PARIS

It was me, okay? Doyle said to make my decision. He said not to worry about him. He said wherever I went, we'd work it out. So I tried, you know, not to think about him, to take him out of the equation, but I couldn't. Every time I tried to evaluate a school, I'd immediately think about it in relation to Doyle. "How close is it to him? "Is there a good newspaper nearby? What will the commute be like?"

RORY

Well, those are all valid questions.

PARIS

No, they're not. This decision is the culmination of everything I've ever worked for, everything. I should choose a school based on its merits, not based on its proximity to some guy.

RORY

But Doyle's not just some guy.

PARIS

I know. But I'm only 22. This wasn't supposed to happen yet. I wasn't supposed to meet the guy until I was 30 and clerking for a federal judge or finishing up my residency and when I knew where I'd be when I was ready to settle down.

RORY

Yeah, but you can't plan everything. I mean, you fell in love. That's a good thing.

PARIS

Are you willing to make a decision this big based on Logan?

RORY

Well, actually, we talked about it, and we're gonna factor each other in.

PARIS

What does that mean?

RORY

It just means we're gonna take each other into consideration when we make decisions.

PARIS

Okay. So carry that thought out. Let's say you get The New York Times fellowship and Logan's meetings in San Francisco go incredibly well and he wants to move there. Do you take a job in San Francisco? The chronicle is a perfectly adequate paper. Or do you go to The New York Times?

RORY

The New York Times.

PARIS

Then we're saying the same thing, aren't we?

RORY

No, not at all.

PARIS

You're saying your career is your priority over your relationship.

RORY

They're both priorities.

PARIS

But your career comes first.

RORY

Well, I didn't say it comes first. I -- I'm just not ready to make any sacrifices in that area yet.

PARIS

But you are willing to make sacrifices in your relationship. Hence, your career is more important to you, just like me.

RORY

Well, I wouldn't say "more important." I guess I just thought that if Logan and I have to do long-distance again, we'll make it work.

PARIS

Sure. Maybe. Then again, choosing to be apart might be... choosing to be apart.

JACKSON

Oh! Hey, Luke.

LUKE

[Surprised] Hey, Jackson.

JACKSON

How you been, man?

LUKE

Uh, not too bad.

JACKSON

You want to come in?

LUKE

Uh, no, that's okay. Is Lorelai here?

JACKSON

Yeah, hang on. [shouting] Lorelai, it's Luke! We thought you were the pizza guy. We're getting pizza tonight, with pepperoni and meatballs and sausage and those extra-crispy, cheesy garlic knots, and we're eating everything on the couch.

LUKE

Well, that sounds... fun.

JACKSON

Yeah, right! [raising a plate of food] Chicken-nugget appetizer?

LUKE

I'm good, I'm good.

LORELAI

Hi.

LUKE

Hi.

JACKSON

Oh, well, good to see you, buddy.

LUKE

Yeah, you too.

LORELAI

What's going on?

LUKE

Okay, here's the deal. I borrowed Kirk's computer, and Zach got me on this craigslist thing, and I found a 1999 Jeep wrangler for sale. The guy actually doesn't live too far from here, so I went to see it. It looks like it's in pretty good shape. So I ran the VIN number. It's got a clean history -- no accidents, no failed emissions. And the guy said he kept it up pretty good, and there's nothing really wrong with it. So I took it for a test drive, and it drove fine. So if you want to keep your old car, for whatever crazy feeling it gives you, okay? Then buy this guy's car, send it to gypsy. She'll take the engine out, put it in the old car, which makes absolutely no sense because you'd basically be paying the same amount of money to fix your old car as you would be paying to get into a new one.

LORELAI

But I'd still have my car.

LUKE

Yeah, gypsy said it'll take about two weeks to finish. Here's the number of the guy, Larry. That's his name. I already negotiated him down 1,500 bucks. Tell him you're Lorelai, Luke's friend. He'll know.

LORELAI

Thanks, I will.

LUKE

It's still a completely ridiculous idea.

LORELAI

I know.

LUKE

Al right [Starts walking away.] And, you know, in the meantime, if you're still riding that bike around, come by the diner. I'll put some air in your tires.

LORELAI

I don't need air in my tires.

LUKE

You need air, and you need a light and a bell so people know you're coming.

LORELAI

What if I don't want people to know I'm coming?

LUKE

I'm putting on a bell!

LORELAI

No, you're not!

LUKE

What do you have against bells?

LORELAI

I don't like 'em.

LUKE

Well, you don't have to like them. They're a safety feature.

LORELAI

I want a horn!

LUKE

Fine you want a horn, I'll get you a horn. Are you happy?

LUKE

Jeez.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

PARIS

So, I don't know where I'll be, but I think I know what I'll be.

RORY

Really?

PARIS

A doctor.

RORY

Oh, Paris, that's great.

PARIS

It's always been my dream, you know? Last night when I was lying in bed watching the ceiling spin...

RORY

I told you that last drink was a mistake.

PARIS

It just became perfectly clear. I've always wanted to be a doctor, for as long as I remember. When I was a kid, I used to cut the heads off my dolls to see what was inside.

RORY

I'm guessing you didn't put that on your applications.

PARIS

I let myself get swayed by the promise of black-card corporate America, but the truth is I want to be a physician -- always have, always will.

RORY

Well, I think it's a very noble profession.

PARIS

Oh, yeah, definitely. It's as close to being god as you can get.

DOYLE

Hey, Paris. Hello, Rory.

RORY

Hey, Doyle.

PARIS

What are you doing here?

DOYLE

I live here.

PARIS

Uh, yeah, but we agreed you'd be the one to move out.

DOYLE

About that -- I changed my mind.

PARIS

It's inappropriate for my best friend to be living alone with my ex-boyfriend.

DOYLE

I don't want to live alone with her. No offense, Rory.

RORY

None taken.

PARIS

We can't all live together. We're broken up.

DOYLE

Actually I changed my mind about that, too.

PARIS

What do you mean? What is he talking about?

RORY

I don't think he wants to break up.

DOYLE

That's right I don't. Oh, and by the way, I think you got into two more med schools -- Washington University and Duke. You know I never saw myself living in St. Louis or North Carolina, but who knows? Maybe I'll end up there.

PARIS

What are you talking about?

DOYLE

I love you, Paris Geller. You are the strongest, most infuriating, most exciting woman I have ever met in my entire life, and there is no way I'm gonna let you go.

PARIS

You don't have a choice.

DOYLE

Sure, I do. Just because you don't want to base your decision on me doesn't mean I can't base my decision on you.

PARIS

That's absurd.

DOYLE

Anywhere you go, I'm going.

PARIS

We're too young to do this!

DOYLE

Maybe you are, but I'm older and a heck of a lot more mature.

PARIS

So... you're saying that if I go to Alaska, you're gonna move there, too?

DOYLE

Well, I've always wanted to go dogsledding.

PARIS

That's ridiculous, with your low threshold for cold.

DOYLE

I'll wear warmer clothes.

PARIS

You're not thinking clearly.

DOYLE

I've never been clearer.

PARIS

Keep in mind I'm not going to look for a school with good newspapers nearby.

DOYLE

Keep in mind that the internet is taking off and I can write freelance from anywhere.

PARIS

So that's your plan -- to be a freelance journalist?

DOYLE

No, my plan is to be with you.

PARIS

Why are you doing this?

DOYLE

Because I love you, okay?

PARIS

Well, I love you, too.

DOYLE

That was sweet.

PARIS

Shut up.