T7E20: “Lorelai? Lorelai?”

MRS O'MALLEY

Although getting soviet support for his war in the pacific was his top priority, many historians have argued that it was actually Roosevelt's declining health that played the most significant role at Yalta. Had he not been in such failing health, they argue, he would have driven a much harder bargain with Stalin during those fateful negotiations. For Churchill,,,

CHARLESTON

Excuse me Mrs O'Malley.

MRS O'MALLEY

Excuse me, please.

CHARLESTON

I need you to remove Miss Gilmore from class.

MRS O'MALLEY

Rory Gilmore, there's been a mistake. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

CHARLESTON

And take your things with you. You won't be coming back.

RORY

What?

MRS O'MALLEY

Come on. Quickly.

RORY

But...

RORY

Mom, I had the most awful day.

LORELAI

Hi. I thought I would miss you.

RORY

Where are you going?

LORELAI

Well, I'm going to Hawaii.

RORY

Hawaii?

LORELAI

Yeah. Hawaii.

RORY

Why?

LORELAI

'Cause I've always wanted to go to Hawaii.

RORY

I didn't know that.

LORELAI

Yes well.

RORY

Well, when are you coming back?

LORELAI

I don't know. How many ounces can you take on the pLane? Two, Three I forget.

RORY

Mum, I really need to talk.

LORELAI

PLane.

RORY

Well how am I gonna be able to get in touch with you?

LORELAI

You can't. I need a break, kid. Take it easy. Try not to kill any plants.

RORY

Well,,,

DOYLE

Salman wants to come over for dinner this weekend.

PARIS

Is he bringing that boring wife of his?

DOYLE

Padma is fine.

PARIS

Cookbooks, Doyle. Her husband wrote "The Satanic Verses," and all you'd want to talk about is cookbooks.

DOYLE

I like "Top Chef."

PARIS

Fine, but I'm on call all this weekend, so here's hoping for a heart transplant.

DOYLE

I finally had to fire Broder.

PARIS

Really?

DOYLE

He knew it was coming, but still...

PARIS

Well being Executive Editor of the Washington Post does have its drawbacks. [Stopping Rory] Oh. Hi, Rory.

RORY

Hi.

PARIS

What are you doing here?

RORY

This is my house.

PARIS

Rory, we've been through this. It will always be your house in your heart, but we own it now.

RORY

What are you talking about?

DOYLE

You need money, kid?

RORY

No. At least, I don't think I do.

DOYLE

Here.

RORY

What are you doing?

PARIS

Don't think of it as charity. Think of it as a gift -- a charitable gift.

RORY

[Taking the money] But,,,

PARIS

You better get going.

DOYLE

Yeah you don't want to be late.

RORY

For what?

PARIS

Uh, work? Oh, and don't forget your poker. That trash isn't gonna pick up itself.

RICHARD

Not only did he give me a clean bill of health, but Dr. Swinton said he actually thinks I'm in better shape than I was before the heart attack.

LORELAI

Well you do look great, dad. Very Lance Armstrong. What do you think hon.

RORY

You look great, grandpa.

RICHARD

Ah lost 11 pounds.

LORELAI

You can tell. You're super-ripped under that jacket.

RICHARD

Well I've gotten into a good routine with the exercise, and now I can't imagine a day without it.

RORY

Yeah grandma better keep an eye on you over at the club.

EMILY

Rory, I'm so sorry that Logan couldn't join us tonight.

RORY

Oh he was, too, but all his meetings in California have been going so well, he decided to extend his trip.

RICHARD

Good job prospects?

RORY

I think so. He's making a lot of great contacts.

EMILY

Well, next time.

RICHARD

So, when do finals start?

RORY

Uh, tomorrow, actually. Irony from Milton to Byron.

RICHARD

Ha.

EMILY

I hope we're not keeping you from your studies.

RORY

Oh, no. It was so nice to get a break from being in that library all day. Actually It's nice to talk above a whisper.

EMILY

Well, your grandfather and I have a little surprise for you.

LORELAI

Uh-oh.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Did you name another building after her?

EMILY

No.

LORELAI

No I know I know, you bought Yale and named it Rory. From now on, the Ivy League is going to be Harvard, Princeton, and Rory. Has a nice sound, though.

RORY

A nice ring to it.

LORELAI

"Hey, I'll meet you at the Rory/Harvard game."

EMILY

Your grandfather and I have decided to purchase a little Pied-Terre in the city.

RICHARD

Nothing fancy. Just a little two-bedroom on the Upper East Side.

RORY

That's exciting.

EMILY

Now we realize that the Upper East Side is not the most convenient address for an employee of the New York Times, but it's just a 20-minute cab ride to work.

LORELAI

You're giving her an apartment, mom?

EMILY

No. It'll be our apartment but Rory's to live in. Of course we would never drop by unannounced.

RICHARD

Well, that goes without saying.

EMILY

We would just come in on the occasional weekend and maybe stay over some nights when we're going to be in the city late.

LORELAI

Hear that, honey? You and grandma are gonna be roomies.

EMILY

So, what do you think?

RORY

Oh It's a very generous offer.

RICHARD

Oh, we're glad to do it.

RORY

But I don't know if I'm actually gonna be moving to New York after I graduate. I didn't get the internship at the New York Times.

LORELAI

What?

RICHARD

You didn't?

EMILY

That's terrible.

LORELAI

When did you find that out?

RORY

Um, yesterday. It's not a big deal.

EMILY

Well, this is preposterous. Who could be more qualified than you?

RORY

Well the Reston fellowship is very competitive, and they only take a couple of people, so...

RICHARD

This is outrageous. You rose to editor in chief of the Yale Daily News. What else do they want, an exclusive interview with Osama Bin Laden?

LORELAI

Why didn't you tell me?

RORY

'Cause I just found out, and I was so busy studying for finals.

LORELAI

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

RORY

Oh, it's okay. I'm just, as I said, trying to put it behind me.

EMILY

I'm sure it's nepotism. If your name isn't Keller or Sulzberger, you may as well not even apply.

RORY

Oh, grandma, it's okay, I promise. Um actually, I need to get back to Yale soon to keep studying, and I'm kind of hungry -- could we eat?

LORELAI

Yeah, let's get dinner started. Mom? Dad?

EMILY

Well yes, let's eat. I'll have Alexandra serve the salads at once.

LORELAI

Hi, hon, it's me. Just calling to check in and wish you luck this morning. I know it's your first final, and I know you're gonna knock their socks off or their bow ties or whatever it is you knock off professors when you're trying to impress them. Call me when you're done. I love you. Bye.

BABETTE

"My Funny Valentine" -- it doesn't work. It's April already. What about "Down with Love"?

MISS PATTY

To open? It's too depressing.

BABETTE

It's not depressing. It's ironic.

MISS PATTY

People don't listen to music for irony.

BABETTE

What about weird al?

MISS PATTY

Weird who?

LORELAI

Hi, gals.

MISS PATTY

Lorelai

BABETTE

Hi, hon.

LORELAI

What's with the whispering?

BABETTE

We're saving our voices.

LORELAI

I think that ship has sailed.

MISS PATTY

Oh we're debuting our cabaret act tonight at K.C.'S.

LORELAI

Oh, I thought Saturday was karaoke night at K.C.'S.

BABETTE

It is, so we went over there this morning and signed ourselves up for the first 15 songs.

LORELAI

I'm sure the karaoke regulars will love that.

MISS PATTY

So what do you think, Lorelai, to open the show -- Streisand or Porter?

LORELAI

You cannot go wrong with either one.

MISS PATTY

You're gonna be there?

BABETTE

You got to come, hon. It's gonna be... [louder] fantastic! [quieter] Fantastic.

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

Hey.

LUKE

Okay here you go, ladies. More hot water for you, Miss Patty, and for you, Babette, a bowl of shredded wheat.

BABETTE

It's for my throat. Gives it a rougher quality, a husky sound sort of like Debbie Harry meets Ethel Merman!

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

What?

LUKE

What?

LORELAI

Nothing.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

I'm just getting some coffee.

LUKE

To go?

LORELAI

Yep.

LUKE

Coming right up.

LORELAI

Oh, you're preparing for the big boat trip, huh?

LUKE

Yep.

LORELAI

[Sighs as she sits down] Wow. Do you want me to just talk in nautical terms till you go?

LUKE

No.

LORELAI

Aye, aye, captain.

LUKE

Please don't.

LORELAI

Shiver me timbers.

LUKE

Are you done?

LORELAI

All hands on deck. Now I'm done.

LUKE

Good.

LORELAI

So, where you going?

LUKE

Oh we were thinking of heading up the coast.

LORELAI

Oh, well, up is good.

LUKE

It should be fun.

LORELAI

You're really going on a boat trip, huh? You sure it's a good idea?

LUKE

What's wrong with a boat trip?

LORELAI

Well I mean for starters, you're on a boat.

LUKE

So?

LORELAI

So! Anything could go wrong. You're on a boat in the water in the middle of nowhere. Haven't you seen "Dead Calm," "Open Water," "Das Boot"?

LUKE

Okay, first of all, I did not purchase a u-boat.

LORELAI

"Titanic", surely you've seen "Titanic."

LUKE

April's very excited about this.

LORELAI

Sure she is.

LUKE

Here's your coffee.

LORELAI

Look instead of paying for this, can I just give you some of my sage advice?

LUKE

I'd rather have the dollar.

LORELAI

April says she's very excited?

LUKE

Very excited.

LORELAI

Yeah, she said she's very excited, but if I were you, I would plan a couple nights at a hotel so she can wash her hair and order room service. That's what I would do.

LUKE

Okay.

LORELAI

Okay and if you're heading up the coast, you have to spend as much time as possible on the southern coast of Maine.

LUKE

Yeah?

LORELAI

And you have to go to Barnacle Billy's.

LUKE

Barnacle Billy's?

LORELAI

They have the best lobster you've ever had and you sit on the deck, look at the view -- you never want to leave.

LUKE

I'll check it out.

LORELAI

For all that extra advice, don't I get a doughnut?

LORELAI

Thank you very much.

LUKE

Mm-hmm.

LORELAI

Bye, Patty. Bye, Babette.

MISS PATTY AND BABETTE

[Singing together] "So long, farewell Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye, goodbye!

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

RORY

Hey.

PARIS

Hey, Rory. Everybody, this is my roommate, Rory. Rory, this is Elise, Karen, Robin, Tim, and Edwin.

PARIS

All fellow Yale seniors and all recently accepted into Harvard Medical school.

RORY

Oh, wow. Congratulations.

THE GROUP

Thank you! Thank you.

PARIS

When word spread around campus about who got in, we decided to get together and celebrate.

RORY

Cool.

PARIS

[Quietly it Rory] A good chance to size up the competition. I know robin, Karen, and Edwin from ORGO, and I'm comfortable that when the time comes, I can crush them. Elise and Tim are new to me, but Elise's hand was shaking a little when she was cutting into the cake, so I've got her pegged for an early exit into podiatry.

RORY

Sounds like quite a party.

PARIS

It really is. Do you want some cake?

RORY

Oh. Definitely not.

PARIS

We tried to get a corpse cake, but we couldn't find a bakery that would make us one, so we had to settle for a naked-guy cake from an erotic bakery in Hartford.

RORY

Yes it's a little early for cake for me.

PARIS

It actually tastes pretty good once you get past the pornographic-dessert issue. Sure I can't interest you in a fibula?

RORY

No, thanks.

PARIS

Here's your mail. You got a letter from the Chicago Sun-Times.

RORY

Oh. Great. [Rory opens the letter right away.] They're not hiring.

PARIS

Bummer. You okay?

RORY

Yeah. I'm fine. It's not a big deal.

PARIS

You want to hang out, have a little champagne? I could use an extra pair of eyes out here.

RORY

I would, but I have a final in one hour, so I'm gonna go shower and close my eyes for a bit.

PARIS

Sure. We'll try to keep it down.

RORY

Okay. Thanks. Nice meeting you, everyone.

GIRL

Bye, Rory.

GUY

Bye!

RORY

Hi. Um, I'm calling for Kate Hessel? Rory Gilmore. Okay,,,.Hello, Kate? Um, hi. This is Rory Gilmore. Good. I'm well. How are you? Um, yeah, finals and everything. It's just really crazy right now. But, um, the reason why I was calling is, uh, well, I know that initially I said that I wasn't interested in the job at the providence journal-bulletin, but I was thinking about it, and it's such a great job. It's such a wonderful opportunity that I was wondering if maybe,,,no. Right. Of course you did. No. It's such a great job. I mean, of course you've already, uh, filled the position. I just thought I would, uh, check,,,that I would call just in case. Well, thanks. [Rory sighs as she sits n her bed]

LORELAI

Hey.

SOOKIE

Hey! Taste.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Taste.

LORELAI

Oh, it's a meatball.

SOOKIE

So good.

LORELAI

It's 9:00 A.M.

SOOKIE

Look It's amazing. I completely forgot how pregnancy scrambles my taste buds. I swear, it doesn't even taste like a meatball.

LORELAI

Does it taste like a Danish?

SOOKIE

Well okay, then, for lunch. [Chuckles and sighs as she sits on a stool.] So?

LORELAI

So... I went into Luke's diner this morning, and he was wearing the hat I gave him.

SOOKIE

[Gasps] You gave Luke a hat.

LORELAI

No, not recently. Years ago -- for Christmas.

SOOKIE

Oh, yeah, the blue hat.

LORELAI

Yes, the blue hat. And he hasn't worn it since we broke up, I mean not once. I don't blame him. It's totally understandable.

SOOKIE

Oh, yeah, you're right. He wears that black hat now. It gives him a slightly more menacing quality.

LORELAI

But then suddenly today, I walk into the diner, and there it is, atop his head.

SOOKIE

[Gasps] Atop.

LORELAI

Yes, atop his head. What do you think that means?

SOOKIE

It's good.

LORELAI

Good how?

SOOKIE

Well, you know, he's past his pain, you're talking again, you've cleared the air, you're coming into the diner again, and, you know, he's wearing your hat.

LORELAI

Yeah. That's nice, right? I should probably reciprocate.

SOOKIE

Reciprocate?

LORELAI

Yeah, you know he's doing something friendly. I should probably do something friendly back -- wear my own hat, as it were.

SOOKIE

Did he give you a hat?

LORELAI

No, that's the problem.

SOOKIE

Did he give you any friendship thing you can wear?

LORELAI

No, you know, I got rid of all my Luke-related stuff.

SOOKIE

Oh.

LORELAI

We've made such progress lately. You know I don't want to leave his hat gesture unacknowledged.

SOOKIE

Hey, you could always throw on a flannel shirt.

LORELAI

That's a good idea.

SOOKIE

[getting the meat ball] God, are you sure you don't want to try this? What if I scrambled it with some eggs?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

Really? [Eats the meat ball] Mmm!

LANE

AND ZACH'S APARTMENT

ZACH

Hey.

LANE

Hi.

ZACH

Are they both down?

LANE

Yes. Three choruses of "Nappy Nappy Time Time" and 20 minutes of Rhythmic Shooshing, and they both conked out. Kwan fought it a little harder than Steve did, but they're both really tired.

ZACH

Good work.

LANE

I don't know what to do first -- sleep or eat. Eat!

ZACH

Hi.

LANE

Hi!

ZACH

So they didn't have those potato rolls you like, so I got the hamburger rolls which most closely resembled the potato rolls. I checked the ingredients, and potatoes aren't actually listed in there. But are potato rolls made from actual potatoes, or is that just an expression like "finger sandwiches"?

LANE

Um, Zach?

ZACH

Yeah?

LANE

Name-brand diapers and, oh, name-brand chips? Are you crazy?

ZACH

I just thought I'd splurge a little.

LANE

We are on a budget.

ZACH

I know, but I got amazing news in the store. This is the only way I could think to celebrate.

LANE

What news?

ZACH

Okay. You ready? I was in the frozen-foods aisle when I get this call from Graham. You remember graham.

LANE

From vapor rub? Yeah we saw them play last year at the mercury lounge.

ZACH

Yeah well, great news. Their lead guitarist got into this wicked car accident, which isn't the great part, clearly. He's gonna be fine, but the use of his right hand is pretty iffy. Anyway, they need a new guitarist, and they called me.

LANE

Lead guitarist?

ZACH

Lead guitarist.

LANE

For vapor rub?

ZACH

I know.

LANE

Oh my God I want to yell, but I don't want to wake the babies. I'm yelling on the inside.

ZACH

They're going on a 2-month tour this summer, and they want me to join them.

LANE

I can't believe it.

ZACH

Graham talked me through the whole thing, It's the perfect setup. 8 weeks, 25 cities, 40 shows. The whole thing's already practically sold out, and they have this awesome tour bus. And they're cool with you and the boys coming along, 'cause I said, "I can't go if I can't bring the family," and he talked to the band aand they were into it.

LANE

Seriously?

ZACH

Yeah one guy's bringing his girlfriend. The bassist has a puppy. It's totally cool.

LANE

Right now, I am howling at the top of my lungs.

ZACH

Just wait. When we're in Philly and D.C., We're gonna be opening for Tokyo Police Club.

LANE

Foot stomping, so much foot stomping happening here!

ZACH

Yeah the bands are really tight. We're playing at the 930 club, the Black Cat, and the first Unitarian, and we don't even have to bring our own backline.

LANE

Shut up!

ZACH

Graham's always been a big fan of my songwriting, and he said he'd totally give my new stuff a listen.

LANE

So many people are gonna see you play -- I mean, a real tour.

ZACH

And it's a million times better than that Seventh-Day Adventist tour. We get to stay in actual motel rooms, not church basements, and we don't have to run our lyrics past the church elders before every show.

LANE

[Sighs] I am so proud of you, Zach. [They kiss] Now let's pop open the name-brand chips!

ZACH

You want to wake the babies and tell them?

LANE

[Serious look on her face] Do it and die.

LORELAI

Rory! [Goes to the kitchen] Rory? [Opens the door to Rory's room] Honey?

RORY

Yeah?

LORELAI

Hi.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Whatcha doing?

RORY

Hiding.

LORELAI

From...

RORY

The world.

LORELAI

[Sighs] What's going on? Want to talk about it?

RORY

I tanked it.

LORELAI

What did you tank?

RORY

My final.

LORELAI

Oh, I'm sure you didn't tank it.

RORY

I'm pretty sure I did.

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

'Cause I didn't even turn in all of it.

LORELAI

Oh, sweetie.

RORY

If I didn't fail it, I didn't do better than a "C"... or a C-minus... or a "D." Oh, what if I got a "d"?

LORELAI

Well, that's okay.

RORY

No, it's not. I mean I knew my stuff you know. The questions were exactly what I anticipated. I could have written about "Paradise Lost" for hours in those blue books, but halfway through the third blue book, I just started thinking, "what is the point? I'm never gonna get a job, anyway."

LORELAI

Not true -- you are gonna get a job.

RORY

I'm not. The New York Times doesn't want me. I got a letter from the Chicago Sun-Times. They're not hiring. I even called the Providence Journal-Bulletin and begged for that job, but they already gave it to someone else, some non-idiot who didn't think they were too good and turn it down.

LORELAI

You're not an idiot.

RORY

I am. Everyone's probably laughing at me. I can probably never show my face in Providence again.

LORELAI

I think you probably can.

RORY

Not without hearing the snickers and the people pointing and laughing at the unemployed, homeless Yale dropout.

LORELAI

Honey, you had a setback, and that is really terrible, but you are so smart and so talented. And there is some paper out there that is gonna hire you as their future superstar. That's just a fact.

RORY

Yeah, right.

LORELAI

Look I think you're having a meltdown, so it's good you came home, because it's sad and disappointing, and everyone needs to have a meltdown once in a while. I speak from experience.

RORY

Ugh.

LORELAI

When is your next final?

RORY

Not for another four days.

LORELAI

Well see? That gives you plenty of time to melt.

RORY

This is all your fault, you know?

LORELAI

Why?

RORY

Because you told me I could do anything.

LORELAI

You can.

RORY

Apparently, I can't, and I have two rejection letters and a humiliating phone call to prove it. Do you know what the worst part of this is? I thought I was so in at the Times. I was just saying that I wasn't gonna get it. I was trying to be humble, but I was so not humble. I was so cocky. I was picturing myself working there -- chatting up Bill Keller in the elevator and running down the street for a quick lunch with Maureen Dowd and filing my first story and seeing my first byline. I already had the outfit picked out for my New York Times picture I.D.

LORELAI

The new suit with the red theory shirt.

RORY

Yeah. And now I have to tell everyone that I didn't get it. And I don't want too. Just telling grandma and grandpa made me feel ashamed and humiliated all over again, which is why I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It just sucks disappointing everyone.

LORELAI

Honey... you could never disappoint me -- ever.

RORY

Yeah?

LORELAI

Ever, ever.

RORY

Yeah.

LORELAI

Ever.

LANE

AND ZACH'S APARTMENT

LANE

Have you seen Steve's Paci?

BRIAN

His what?

LANE

His pacifier. It's green. He loses his mind without it. Can you check by the sink? I need to make a list of stuff to take on tour.

BRIAN

Definitely. Zach says they're gonna be playing the Bowery and Roseland.

LANE

Yep.

BRIAN

Insane.

LANE

Insane!

BRIAN

I can't wait to see those shows. And opening for Tokyo Police Club?

LANE

And maybe Grizzly Bear.

BRIAN

Really?

LANE

Yeah I know, he got that call like an hour ago. The whole thing is crazy. Uh-oh.

BRIAN

What?

LANE

Do you smell that?

BRIAN

Well, that's one way to find out.

LANE

Oh, man. I just changed him. Can you put Steve in the stroller? I'll change Kwan.

BRIAN

Got it. You know, their drummer's a bit of a lush.

LANE

Who?

BRIAN

Vapor Rub.

LANE

Oh, right. I know. Zach says he's, like, sober two hours a day.

BRIAN

I'm just saying, one night that guy's not gonna be able to go on. You're gonna be waiting in the wings, and -- boom -- you're their new full-time drummer.

LANE

Wouldn't that be something? [Checking Kwan] Oh, man. You're kidding me.

BRIAN

What?

LANE

False alarm.

BRIAN

Oh.

LANE

What?

BRIAN

Steve is now emitting a very foul odor.

LANE

Oh,,, Bring him back. [Kwan cries] Oh, no, no. It's okay, Kwan. Just a false alarm. I am sorry. Just getting you dressed again. It's okay. He hates getting naked.

BRIAN

You want his pacifier?

LANE

[Sighs] It's okay. No, that's Steve's. Kwan's is, uh, red.

BRIAN

Got it. Uh-oh.

LANE

[Chuckling] It's okay, Steve. He's coming right back. Maybe you should hold him.

BRIAN

Sure thing.

LANE

Until I'm ready to change him.

BRIAN

Sure thing. I hope the tour bus comes equipped with a nanny.

LANE

Yeah, right. You want to come -- full-time "Manny"?

BRIAN

I wouldn't last a day. I don't know how you do it, Lane.

LANE

Yeah, it's a lot. My mom's actually been a huge help.

BRIAN

Maybe you should take her with you.

LANE

Yeah. Right. [chuckles] I'm sure I'll be fine.

BRIAN

Yeah, definitely. Zach says the bassist's girlfriend is coming along, so, hopefully, she'll be good with kids.

LANE

Yeah, hopefully.

LORELAI

Alanis Morissette.

RORY

What? No.

LORELAI

Yes.

RORY

But she was successful right from the start.

LORELAI

In Canada. She was on "Star Search." She dated Dave Coulier. She struggled a lot before "Jagged Little Pill."

RORY

I don't think that's a good example.

LORELAI

Jackson Pollock.

RORY

Mom.

LORELAI

He struggled before he succeeded, and I bet if you asked him now, he would tell you he was glad for that.

RORY

Jackson Pollock is dead.

LORELAI

Yes, and from heaven he would tell you he was glad about that, because god rewards those who struggle.

RORY

Okay, mom, I get it. Setbacks make you stronger.

LORELAI

A setback is really just a set-up for future accomplishment. How's your mac and cheese?

RORY

It's not having its usual effect.

LORELAI

I'm sorry.

RORY

It's okay.

LORELAI

You know I'm not just saying this stuff. I really do believe it.

RORY

I know you do mum.

LORELAI

And I think you've had kind of an easy time. I mean most of the things you've gone for you've gotten. This setback might help you have some perspective.

RORY

I guess.

LORELAI

Do you want some French toast? I think Caesar made it today. It has extra brown sugar.

RORY

No, thanks. [short pause in the conversation] Mark Twain.

LORELAI

Hmm?

RORY

Well Mark Twain had to work as a steamboat pilot on the Mississippi before he became a successful writer. And if he'd never had that experience, he never would have written "Huckleberry Finn."

LORELAI

Which is one of your favorite books.

RORY

Remember when I made you have my 12th birthday at the mark twain museum in Hartford?

LORELAI

I thought one day I was gonna find you on a raft made out of empty milk cartons, sailing down the Housatonic river.

RORY

It's Logan.

LORELAI

Go ahead.

RORY

Outside. [Answering it] Hi. I'm okay.

LUKE

How's she holding up?

LORELAI

Oh, she's okay. Rory's used to getting what Rory wants.

LUKE

Yeah? I know. How you doing?

LORELAI

Me? I'm fine.

LUKE

Yeah?

LORELAI

How's the, uh, trip-planning coming?

LUKE

Great. Great, I actually took your suggestion and booked a couple hotels along the Maine coast -- Kittery, York harbor. You know nothing fancy, just cable TV and a hot shower.

LORELAI

That's great. I think she'll really love that.

LUKE

I even made a reservation at Barnacle Billy's.

LORELAI

Bring me a "to go" box.

LUKE

Will do. You know, I'm getting pretty excited. It's still a couple months away, but the trip is really coming together. You know. It's a lot of time on the water, and we're gonna cover a lot of ground, but it's six weeks, so I think, overall, it probably won't seem like so much.

LORELAI

That sounds great. [Small awkward pause] Hey, Rory and I are gonna go see, Um Patty and Babette's act at K.C.'S tonight. It should be a hoot.

LUKE

You know, not really my thing.

LORELAI

Yeah. No. I'm not saying,,,

LUKE

No, I know.

LORELAI

Just we're going, but, you know.

LUKE

Well, if I have some free time,,,

LORELAI

No, no, no.

CAESAR

Order up, Luke!

LUKE

I should probably.

LORELAI

Yeah.

LUKE

Can I get you anything else?

LORELAI

A doggie bag.

LUKE

I'll take care of it.

LORELAI

Okay.

RORY

So, when are you coming back?

LOGAN

[In a hotel room in San Francisco] Soon.

RORY

How soon? It's been too long. You have to leave them wanting more.

LOGAN

I'm booked on a red-eye tonight. But we'll see, I have another meeting this afternoon. If these guys want to do dinner, drinks or something I may not have a choice. I'm sorry.

RORY

That's okay. I'm just glad it's going well. Think they're gonna make you an offer?

LOGAN

I don't know it's hard to tell, these guys play things pretty close to the vest.

RORY

Well I'm sure they will. All this time they're keeping you out there -- it can't just be because of your good looks and charm.

LOGAN

I hope not.

RORY

Well, I guess I better let you go.

LOGAN

Okay. I love you.

RORY

I love you, too.

LOGAN

And, hey, don't worry about the Times or the final or any of it. I have a feeling, in the next couple days, you will have moved on and forgotten all about this.

RORY

I don't know.

LOGAN

Things will be looking up, I promise.

RORY

Call me later?

LOGAN

I will.

RORY

Okay. Bye.

RORY

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey. How's the left coast?

RORY

He sounds good, very positive.

LORELAI

Good. You ready to go shopping?

RORY

Yes, there's nothing I love more than shopping after a huge meal.

LORELAI

Lets go.

RORY

Bye, Luke.

LUKE

Take care, Rory.

RORY

Luke changed his hat.

LORELAI

Did he?

LUKE

Luke's.

APRIL

[In her room in New Mexico] Hey, dad.

LUKE

April, hey. What's going on?

APRIL

Not much. How are you?

LUKE

Good. Doing the lunch thing.

APRIL

I tried you on your home phone first. I don't know what I was thinking.

LUKE

Well another 10 minutes, and I'd have been up there. So, what's going on? Just call to say hi?

APRIL

Actually, I've got some news.

LUKE

Good news, I hope.

APRIL

Good and bad, actually.

LUKE

Tell me.

APRIL

Well, in January, I filled out this application for the Metropolitan museum science camp. I wasn't even gonna do it, but Mr. Lazovic, my chemistry teacher -- he wrote me this really nice recommendation. Anyway, I totally forgot about it, 'cause I didn't think I'd ever get in, but I did.

LUKE

Wow, April. Congratulations. That's terrific.

APRIL

Yeah, it is. The only problem is it's six weeks, and it's right during our boat trip.

LUKE

Oh.

APRIL

Yeah and I've been so torn because I really want to take this trip with you, but this camp is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. They only take eighth-graders, so this would be the only year I could go, and they would have kids from all over the world there, and they'd have Nobel-winning scientists come and teach classes and stuff.

LUKE

Yeah well, that sounds, uh, pretty incredible.

APRIL

Yeah, but I really want to take this trip with you.

LUKE

Yeah, look, it's too good an opportunity for you to pass up.

APRIL

You think?

LUKE

I do. I mean the boat's not going anywhere. We'll do it next summer.

APRIL

Okay. Are you sure?

LUKE

Absolutely.

APRIL

Okay and It's only six weeks, so I could definitely spend the last two weeks of the summer with you.

LUKE

Well then that's great. We'll take a little trip somewhere.

APRIL

Yeah, definitely.

LUKE

I am so proud of you, kid.

APRIL

Thanks, dad. Um, I'm gonna tell mom that we talked, okay?

LUKE

Okay. I'll call you later.

APRIL

Love you.

LUKE

Love you, too. [Luke hangs up the phone, he sighs as he goes back to work, he looks a little sad, a little lost.]

MISS PATTY AND BABETTE

[Singing] When other friendships have been forgot ours will still be hot [Imitates chicken]

KIRK

Very nice!

BABETTE

You're a terrific crowd!

MISS PATTY

Yeah we have one more song, and then karaoke night will begin.

BABETTE

I dedicate this next song to my husband, Morey.

MISS PATTY AND BABETTE

[Singing] Never know how much I love you never know how much I care when you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear you give me fever

MISS PATTY

When you kiss me

BABETTE

Fever

MISS PATTY

When you hold me tight

BABETTE

Ooh, fever!

RORY

Hey, do you know what would really put me over the top spirit-wise?

LORELAI

What?

RORY

If you sang.

LORELAI

Oh, yeah! On the way home, we'll roll down the windows. I'll belt it out.

RORY

No. Up there.

LORELAI

Oh, no. I'd have to be way more drunk for that.

RORY

Well, we can arrange that. Excuse me. Could we get some shots here?

BABETTE

[singing] You give me fever.

ZACH

I've never even been to half the cities we're going to. I mean, Detroit -- how psyched am I?

LUKE

You seem really psyched.

ZACH

I'm totally psyched. Detroit is a major music hub, man, for everybody. It's not just about Eminem and Iggy pop and Motown.

LUKE

Oh no.

ZACH

And we're not just playing anywhere. We're playing The Magic Stick. Everybody's played The Magic Stick -- crooked fingers, The Rose Buds, Bobby Conn, Midlay.

LUKE

Wow.

ZACH

It's gonna be nuts.

LUKE

I'm really happy for you, Zach.

ZACH

And it just works out so perfect time wise. I mean obviously, I'm gonna have to miss a couple weeks' work, but, for the most part, you'll be closed for the summer, anyway, so,,,

LUKE

Actually, that's not happening now.

ZACH

What?

LUKE

Yeah April and I aren't going away, I mean at least not for most of the summer, so I'm gonna keep the diner open.

ZACH

Oh, man, that totally blows. What happened?

LUKE

Oh she's going to this camp -- this science camp. You know she's super smart -- I mean like, off-the-charts smart -- and she got invited, and it's real prestigious. And she's got to go. She can't not go.

ZACH

Buddy, I'm so sorry.

LUKE

Oh, it's okay.

ZACH

No I know how stoked you were for this trip.

LUKE

No it's all right Zach,,,

ZACH

All that planning -- you were really into it.

LUKE

It's okay Zach.

ZACH

No! It's not. It sucks.

LUKE

Zach.

ZACH

Okay, I'm sorry. I get it. You're processing.

ZACH

Hey! Hey, babe.

LANE

Hey. [They kiss] Hey, Luke!

LUKE

[As they hug] Lane, hey! It's been a little while.

LANE

Yeah I know I can't believe I'm actually out of the apartment at night and baby-free. I feel like I'm missing a limb -- or two, actually.

LUKE

You look good.

LANE

Thanks. I'm exhausted.

ZACH

But psyched to be out on the town, right?

LANE

So psyched. So are you coming to K.C.'s?

LUKE

Ah I don't think so.

ZACH

Dude, you've got to come. [Quietly to Lane] He just got some totally devastating news.

LUKE

It's actually not that bad.

ZACH

[Quietly to Lane] He's still processing.

LUKE

[Scoffs]

LANE

Luke, you should come.

ZACH

Come on let me buy you a beer.

LUKE

You know you guys, go ahead. Maybe I'll catch up.

ZACH

Okay. That's cool.

LANE

So, maybe we'll see you there.

LUKE

Sure.

LANE

So, what was the news?

ZACH

Oh. April bailed on the boat trip.

LANE

Oh, no.

ZACH

Yeah she's going away to some brainiac science camp for the summer. Who's even heard of science camp? It's a contradiction in terms. It's like a,,,

LANE

Oxymoron.

ZACH

Oxymoron -- totally. [Short pause] Are you okay there, babe?

LANE

Yeah, I just kind of realized something today.

ZACH

Yeah what's that?

LANE

I realized I can't go on tour. I'd love to -- god, I'd love to -- but it's just not possible -- not with two babies. I mean, you know it's hard enough here at home, where I have a whole support system -- my mom and Brian and Dr. Shaw. I've got my routine, and it's hard, but it's manageable. But it wouldn't be anywhere but here, you know?

ZACH

No, I get it. I do.

LANE

I'm so sorry, Zach.

ZACH

You don't have to be sorry about anything. It makes sense. It's cool. I'll call graham in the morning and tell him we can't go. He'll understand.

LANE

No. Wait. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I can't go. I still want you to go.

ZACH

You do?

LANE

Hell, yeah.

ZACH

No way. Not without you and the boys.

LANE

Zach, this is a really big opportunity.

ZACH

Yeah, but it's two months.

LANE

Exactly. It's not a yearlong world tour. It's two months, it's important, it's a dream come true, and who knows where it could lead?

ZACH

Are you sure?

LANE

I am. We'll talk all the time, and I'll hold the phone up to Steve and Kwan's ears so they can hear your voice. I'll see your shows in New York and Philly and Boston. We'll work this out.

ZACH

You are the coolest.

LANE

Well, I am married to the lead guitarist of vapor rub.

KIRK

[Singing] Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses, words that burn me lovers never ask you why in my heart...

RORY

How you feeling there, mom?

LORELAI

Ah I must be drunk, 'cause he sounds pretty good.

RORY

Well, get those pipes warmed up, 'cause you're on deck.

LORELAI

I can't follow Kirk. He can really sing!

KIRK

[Singing Off-key] ...People always tell me that's a step, a step too far,,,

RORY

Come on, mom. If you don't, then you're gonna ruin all this good cheering up you've been doing.

LORELAI

You are relentless!

RORY

I'm thinking something early Madonna.

LANE

Hey!

RORY

Oh, Lane!

LANE

What are you doing here?

RORY

I'm just catching up with my mom.

LORELAI

Hi, Lane. Hey what's up, Zach?

ZACH

Not much, Lorelai. How are you?

LORELAI

Good. A little tipsy.

ZACH

Seems like an appropriate setting for that. [Listening to Kirk] Okay, this is just sinful.

LANE

Be nice.

ZACH

I'm just saying If you're gonna do Boy George, at least commit to the high heels and the makeup.

RORY

Hey, sit. Sit.

LANE

Okay. So, are you done with finals already?

RORY

Ah,,,

LANE

Wait. Are you actually done with school?

RORY

Um not yet, very soon. I'll be done next week.

LANE

Oh.

LORELAI

Pretzels or peanuts?

RORY

Oh, peanuts, and remember -- if you slip out the back door, I will sink into a deep depression.

LORELAI

Drat!

RORY

So, how are the boys?

LANE

Awesome, exhausting, amazing, infuriating. You name it, I feel it.

ZACH

I'm gonna get a beer. Ginger ale for you, mom?

LANE

Sure.

ZACH

Rory?

RORY

I'm good.

ZACH

Be right back.

LANE

So, really, what's going on with you?

RORY

Oh, I just had a bit of a meltdown, that's all.

LANE

Why? What's going on?

RORY

There's this job that I really wanted, and I didn't get it. I was pretty bummed about it, but my mom talked me down, and everything's fine now. What's going on with you?

LANE

Well, Zach is going on a 2-month tour this summer as the lead guitarist of Vapor Rub, and, yes, I'm serious.

RORY

Vapor Rub? Whatever happened to Hep Alien?

LANE

Well, Hep Alien will live to rock again, but right now, opportunity calls.

RORY

Isn't it gonna be hard for you guys to be apart?

LANE

Definitely, but, you know, it's only two months. And we'll make it work. Life is long.

RORY

When did you get so mature?

LANE

I think the mature gene kicks in once you become a mother.

KIRK

[Singing] Do you really want to make me cry?

MAN

Whoo-hoo! [Cheering]

BABETTE

Wonderful! Wonderful!

MAN

Whoo!

LORELAI

Honey, it's another embarrassing moment for your diary. [Music starts] Uh-oh. [Puts down her drink, clears throat, chuckles nervously] Happy graduation.

LORELAI

[Singing] If I... should stay [Chuckles nervously] I would only be in your way,,,

LANE

She's a Whitney fan?

RORY

Oh, I think it's Dolly-inspired.

LORELAI

[Singing] But I know I'll think of you each step of the way, and I-I-I will always love you,,,

MISS PATTY

She's all right!

BABETTE

The kid's stealing our thunder!

LORELAI

I will always love you.

LORELAI

[Now looking a bit nervous] Bittersweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me, so goodbye please don't c-cry,

LORELAI

We both know I'm not what you need, and I will always love you, I will always love you.

LORELAI

I hope life treats you kind, and I hope you have all you dreamed of, and I wish you joy and happiness, but above all I wish you love, and I-I-I will always love you, I will always love you, I will always... love you [Chuckles nervously and leaves the stage in a hurry.]

KIRK

Very nice. Check it out.

RORY

Morning.

LORELAI

[Groans]

RORY

Coffee?

LORELAI

Yeah. What are you doing up? Why aren't you more hung over?

RORY

Well, I stopped drinking several shots before you did.

LORELAI

Are you going?

RORY

Yeah. I'm gonna stop by Lane's. Then I have to get back to school and start studying for my next final. This time, I intend on turning in all my blue books.

LORELAI

That's too bad. I had a whole second day of pick-me-up plans, including a clown and some pony rides and absolutely no drinking at all.

RORY

Well then you shouldn't have devised such an effective first-day pick-me-up plan.

LORELAI

Well, live and learn.

RORY

I really do feel better, though -- all the wallowing and the eating and the shopping. And I don't know maybe it's because you wished me joy and happiness.

LORELAI

[Chuckles] You liked that, huh?

RORY

It cheered me up.

LORELAI

Well, glad it did.

RORY

I do feel so much better, though. It's like you said -- sometimes you just have to let your feelings out.

LORELAI

[Chuckle with a sigh] Yeah. Sometimes you do. [Shake her head]

ZACH

Chilaquiles, huh?

LUKE

Chilaquiles.

ZACH

People went nuts for them. Mr. And Mrs. Fiss said they want them every morning now. Who knew? I didn't even think we'd sell one of them.

LUKE

Well it was all Caesar -- his idea, his recipe, his refusal to take no for an answer.

ZACH

Hey, Caesar. Chilaquiles!

CAESAR

Chilaquiles! What'd I tell you, Luke?

LUKE

You told me, Caesar.

CAESAR

I told you.

LUKE

You also told me you told me.

CAESAR

Chilaquiles!

ZACH

Chilaquiles! That dude's a riot. Hey I'm glad you came out last night.

LUKE

Yeah, it was fun.

ZACH

Gypsy does a mean Pat Benatar.

LUKE

That was interesting.

ZACH

How about Lorelai?

LUKE

Huh?

ZACH

What did you think?

LUKE

Oh, uh...

ZACH

I mean the gal can sing, right? Bizarro choice of tune, but she's got some pipes. Nice quality, you know?

LUKE

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely.

ZACH

So you feeling better? Nah you still bumming about your boat trip, aren't you? Of course you are. Why am I asking?

LUKE

No, no, no, it's okay. I'm actually feeling a little better. And you know hanging around here this summer might not be so bad.

ZACH

That's cool. Maybe we can make karaoke night at K.C.'s kind of a regular thing.

LUKE

Yeah, maybe.

ZACH

Oh, hey, I almost forgot. In the middle of breakfast rush, I found your hat. It was wedged in behind the dishwasher. No worse for the wear, though.

LUKE

Yeah thanks.

ZACH

Yeah I told you it'd turn up.

ANNABELLE

[Woman on TV] I'm Annabelle Loren. Are you looking for something?

LANCE

[Man on TV] Not exactly.

WANNABELLE

[Woman on TV] Are you the doctor?

LANCE

[Man on TV] No, no I'm Lance Schroeder,,,

LORELAI

Just a minute! [Gets up and goes to the door] Oh, hey.

LOGAN

Hey.

LORELAI

Oh, you just missed Rory. She's on her way back to school.

LOGAN

I know, I'm actually here to see you.

LORELAI

Oh. Okay. Come on in.

LOGAN

Thank you.

LORELAI

Do you want, um, any food or drink? I ordered way too many fries.

LOGAN

No, thanks. I'm all good.

LORELAI

Here, have a seat. Paul Anka! [He jumps of the couch and thy sit down] Um... so, how was your trip?

LOGAN

Oh, it was really great. Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

LORELAI

Oh, god. I know nothing about that world. Apple, IBM, Microsoft,,,I'm out.

LOGAN

Well, I've been offered a position with an emerging internet company.

LORELAI

Wow, that's great.

LOGAN

Yeah it's pretty similar to what I was doing in New York, but actually they're willing to make me a full partner. I'll be getting in on the ground floor.

LORELAI

That's exciting!

LOGAN

It is. It's gonna be a lot of long hours and an incredible amount of work building the company, but I really feel this venture has a bright future. I mean, these are serious people.

LORELAI

And you're a serious guy. Look, you don't have to convince me. I voiced my concerns, and you told me your plans. We had pie. I'm cool.

LOGAN

Thank you. I appreciate that. That means a lot to me.

LORELAI

Oh. You're welcome.

LOGAN

So, the thing is -- as you can imagine, I'm pretty excited about all this.

LORELAI

Y-yeah.

LOGAN

But it does mean a move to San Francisco -- Palo Alto, actually.

LORELAI

Oh, wow.

LOGAN

Yeah.

LORELAI

That's big. That's funny that Rory didn't mention it.

LOGAN

Well actually, I haven't told her yet.

LORELAI

And you're here 'cause you want me to tell her for you?

LOGAN

No, no. I'm gonna tell her. I just um, I wanted to talk to you first about it.

LORELAI

Okay. That's... thoughtful.

LOGAN

Look... I love Rory. She means the world to me, and I want her to come with me to California.

LORELAI

Oh.

LOGAN

But not just as my girlfriend, which is why I'm here. I'm here to ask your permission -- your permission to ask Rory to marry me.

LOGAN

Lorelai? Lorelai?