T7E21: “Unto the Breach”

SOOKIE

How did you get roped into bringing the cake to your parents' party?

LORELAI

I made the mistake of telling my mother how much Rory loves the chocolate-raspberry one from Weston's.

SOOKIE

That's my favorite.

LORELAI

I know me too. So now I'm allowed to handle the cake. Drycleaners, help me remember to pick up my dress from the dry cleaners.

SOOKIE

Dry cleaners -- got it.

LORELAI

And heels -- I need to find a pair of heels that will not sink into the grass at Yale. It's all grass at Yale, unless it's cobblestones. Between the grass and the cobblestones, you can't barely walk around there. So in fact don't help me remember heels. Help me remember wedges.

SOOKIE

Dry cleaners and wedges.

LORELAI

Thank you so much for helping me. I have so much on my mind between Rory's graduation and Logan asking me for her hand. Ooh, Champagne and ice -- I need to bring both of those to Yale.

SOOKIE

Dry cleaners, wedges, champagne, and ice.

LORELAI

Although everyone knows it's a rhetorical question...

SOOKIE

Ha?

LORELAI

Logan asking my permission. Have you ever heard of anyone who says no?

SOOKIE

Why did you want to say no?

LORELAI

No, he can ask her anything he wants. I think she's too young to get married but, oh. Plastic champagne flutes -- I can't forget those. I know he asked me out of respect, but I'll tell you what's not respectful is asking for my permission and then making me wait. Every time the phone rings, I think it's gonna be her, telling me that it's happened, but it's not. It's just my mother calling with some boring party detail, like asking me about the ratio of devil to egg.

SOOKIE

Ooh, that's easy. It's one part yolk and two parts mayonnaise. Oh my God you don't care at all, do you?

LORELAI

No.

SOOKIE

No.

LORELAI

Ooh I have to remember my beaded clutch. Don't let me forget my beaded clutch.

SOOKIE

Got it.

LORELAI

Hey, Sue. I'm here to pick up the cake.

SUE

Oh great. Thanks.

LORELAI

And then, on top of everything, there's this whole Luke thing.

SOOKIE

[Gasps] Oh, thank god. I have been waiting and waiting all morning. I didn't think you were gonna say anything, and then I didn't think I should say anything. So there is a Luke thing?

LORELAI

I don't know Sookie. I can't figure out what happened. I mean clearly something came up when I sang that song.

SOOKIE

Clearly.

LORELAI

But I don't know if it was a new, now feeling or the residue of an old feeling that came up because of the drinks and the lyrics and the hat.

SOOKIE

That was a deadly cocktail.

LORELAI

So that's why I'm going to the diner today -- to see how I feel, sober and without the lyrics of "I will always love you" streaming in front of me.

SOOKIE

Gotcha. But just so you know I think it was a new, now feeling. The way you were singing to him...

LORELAI

Sookie you weren't even there.

SOOKIE

I know but I had enough people describe it to me.

LORELAI

Oh, no!

SOOKIE

No we're just excited for the possibility of you and Luke.

LORELAI

Look I know everyone's heart is in the right place, but I need to figure out what I want.

SOOKIE

Gotcha.

LORELAI

Seriously Sookie I need your help – keeping all these people off my back.

SOOKIE

Understood. But, for the future, the next time you want other people to stay out of your relationship...

LORELAI

Don't serenade your ex in front of the whole town?

SOOKIE

[Gasps] You admit it was a serenade.

LORELAI

Sookie...

LORELAI

Sorry.

SUE

There you go.

LORELAI

Thanks. We can check the cake off our list. What else do I need to remember?

SOOKIE

Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically.

LORELAI

What?

SOOKIE

Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically.

LORELAI

Huh?

SOOKIE

It's a mnemonic device. Dress, wedges, champagne, ice, plastic flutes, beaded clutch. "Beaded clutch" is one word.

LORELAI

And panty hose.

SOOKIE

Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically, Polly.

LORELAI

And tissues and my camera.

SOOKIE

"Don't worry, 'cause I prefer footballs, basically," Polly teased Chad.

LORELAI

Why would Polly tease Chad about preferring footballs?

SOOKIE

I don't know. Maybe Polly prefers soccer balls.

LORELAI

That doesn't make any sense.

SOOKIE

Well then stop adding stuff to the list.

LUKE

Hiya.

LIZ

Wow. It's so great to see you.

LUKE

This place looks totally different.

LIZ

Well T.J. And I fixed it up.

LUKE

You guys did a really great job.

LIZ

Thanks we worked our butts off, but it came out really nice.

LUKE

What's gonna go here?

LIZ

Nothing. T.J. Put those up.

LUKE

Yeah didn't want to tempt fate, huh?

LIZ

Well, you know, he means well. He also built this coat-rack lamp, and it works.

LUKE

Nice.

LIZ

So, what brings you here?

LUKE

Well you know I want to get Rory a graduation gift, and I just thought earrings might be the right thing you know.

LIZ

Cool. I got a whole lot of them, take a look around. So I heard about Lorelai's karaoke serenade. I wish I had been there.

LUKE

It wasn't a serenade.

LIZ

That's not what I heard. I was at Weston's a couple of days ago, and half the town was talking about it.

LUKE

Well half the town should get a hobby. What do you think about these?

LIZ

Ah, those aren't Rory's taste. They're too trippy. She's not trippy. So, what have you done?

LUKE

What do you mean, what have I done?

LIZ

About the love serenade.

LUKE

It wasn't a serenade, and I haven't done anything. I've worked real hard to try to get that stupid song out of my head.

LIZ

Aren't you gonna respond in some way?

LUKE

Well there's nothing to respond to. She drank a truckload of tequila, and she sang a sappy song.

LIZ

Time. Okay. "I will always love you" is not a sappy song. It's classic Cyndi Lauper.

LUKE

Whitney Houston.

LIZ

It doesn't matter. The point is, she will always love you.

LUKE

I heard the song.

LIZ

She's waiting for you to make a move.

LUKE

Look if it had meant something, she would have come in, you know. What do you think of these?

LIZ

The teardrops -- Rory will love those.

LUKE

Good.

LIZ

Look, all I'm saying is, from everything I've heard and know, Lorelai would like you to respond. I mean Crazy Carrie was there, and she said Lorelai definitely gave you the love look.

LUKE

I wouldn't trust information coming from a woman who wears a cardboard hat. You got a box for those?

LIZ

I certainly do. [Luke looking at something else] You like that?

LUKE

Yeah. Well, it's nice.

LIZ

It is. It would really match Lorelai's eyes. In fact, I was actually thinking of Lorelai when I made that.

LUKE

Well, I wasn't thinking -- it's a nice necklace, is all.

LIZ

[Chuckles] It is. All right. This is on me.

LUKE

Oh, what? No, no. Come on.

LIZ

After everything you've done for me...

LUKE

I'm not gonna not pay.

LIZ

After everything's T.J.'s put you through?

LUKE

That's very nice of you. You know what? Maybe I will get this necklace as a backup for Rory.

LIZ

Right.

LUKE

yeah she has blue eyes, right?

LIZ

Yes, she does.

LUKE

Find a box for that.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

PARIS

Yes, we still have the kitchen table, but the chairs went about a half-hour ago. Yeah let me stop you right there if you want to haggle, go to a flea market, because my other line is ringing. Fine. It's yours. Be here in 20 minutes, or I'll reactivate the listing. [Hangs up the phone] Sold for $15 more than I paid 2 years ago see, the key to haggling is you put your hands around their throat and keep on squeezing.

DOYLE

You've got skills, baby.

PARIS

I know. Think of how useful I'll be when we're in India. Oh remind me -- we have to pack Advil. If I get a headache over there, I'm not about to get some Ayurvedic massage.

DOYLE

Sure, just to clarify, you are gonna tame it down a little when we're in India, right? I mean we are tourists.

PARIS

No way. My philosophy is "travel aggressively." Otherwise, you get taken advantage of.

DOYLE

All these textbooks, backpacking? I thought we agreed this is a vacation.

PARIS

I'm not about to drop the ball now that I've gotten into Harvard medical school. This is the time to turn up the intensity.

DOYLE

Paris...

PARIS

It's not gonna be like this forever, I promise, but these next four years are critical. I've got to do well so I can get a great to tier residency. After that, I promise I'll rest. What? Why are you smiling?

DOYLE

Because I love you.

PARIS

Shut up. I love you, too.

RORY

Happy last day! Oh. Well, hello, lovebirds.

APRIL

Where were you?

RORY

I went to a theater party with Lucy and Olivia, and I spent the night at their place. Hey, Doyle.

DOYLE

Hey, Rory.

RORY

Ah man, you guys are almost done packing up your stuff?

PARIS

Getting there.

RORY

Can you believe we graduate tomorrow? I can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around it.

PARIS

Oh God. You're not gonna start getting sentimental already, are you?

RORY

That wasn't sentimental. That was incredulous. I'm allowed to be incredulous. I mean can you believe it?

PARIS

Ah yeah, I can, actually. I checked out of this place the second I got into Harvard. God, I never get tired of saying that.

RORY

Well, I can't believe it, and I intend to savor every moment of it.

PARIS

Well, savor while you spackle. I will take you to small-claims court if I don't get back my full deposit. Hey, do you need any boxes? Someone overestimated.

DOYLE

Let it go, Paris.

RORY

Ah no, I'm just taking all my stuff back home, so I'm just gonna throw it all in suitcases. You know what I should take a picture of you packing up the apartment.

PARIS

And that's not sentimental?

RORY

Oh, shush. I'm allowed a little bit of sentiment on my last day of college. Now smile.

PARIS

Are you done?

RORY

No, no. I need a picture of Doyle. He's packing up the toaster. Oh, no toast tomorrow. That's so sad.

PARIS

Rory.

RORY

One more of you with that annoyed face. [Looking annoyed] That's not cute. Make the annoyed face again. Oh, you're so good. You're a natural. I love it.

LORELAI

Oh, hey.

MISS PATTY

Hello!

BABETTE

He's upstairs. I'm sure you can go right on up.

LORELAI

Oh no that's okay. I'm just here for coffee.

MISS PATTY

Sure you are.

LORELAI

I am.

BABETTE

Honey, we were there.

MISS PATTY

We heard the song.

BABETTE

It gave me goose bumps.

MISS PATTY

The way you locked eyes with him.

BABETTE

All of that pent-up emotion -- ooh.

LORELAI

No, no, no. It's just karaoke. You know I got swept up in the lyrics and the moment. It didn't mean anything.

LUKE

[Over hearing Lorelai] What can I get for you?

LORELAI

Hi. Um, a coffee.

LUKE

To go, right?

LORELAI

[Unsure and confused] Okay.

BABETTE

Is Rory all excited?

LORELAI

Um yeah. She is.

BABETTE

I can't believe she's done. I still got memories of her as a little girl running around in my head.

LORELAI

Me too. [Too Luke, sounding happy.] Hey, should I have a doughnut or a muffin?

LUKE

[sounding a little annoyed] Whatever you want.

LORELAI

How about a doughnut with a side of muffin?

MISS PATTY

So, uh, what time are we supposed to be there, anyway?

LORELAI

Where?

MISS PATTY

Yale.

BABETTE

Oh, yeah, hon, I need directions, 'cause Morey MapQuested it, but the campus is big.

LORELAI

I didn't know you guys all wanted to come.

MISS PATTY

Of course we do.

BABETTE

We wouldn't miss our little girl's graduation.

LORELAI

Oh well I have to call her and see, make sure there's enough tickets.

BABETTE

Thanks, doll.

MISS PATTY

[Too Babette] How many do you think we need?

BABETTE

Well, let's see. There's Morey and me and you and Lane and Zach and Mrs. Kim -- Lulu and Gypsy, plus one, she said.

LORELAI

That's a lot of people.

BABETTE

Yeah maybe we should charter a van.

LORELAI

[Lorelai's cell phone rings] Ooh, speaking of the graduate.

BABETTE

Say hello to her from us!

LORELAI

I will.

BABETTE

And ask her how long the ceremony is, 'cause I got to plan my snacks.

LORELAI

Hey!

RORY

Hey. You are not gonna believe it!

LORELAI

Okay. Hold on. [Takes the phone away from her hear and exhales] Believe what?

RORY

Milan Kundera is speaking at our graduation.

LORELAI

[No the news she was expecting] Oh.

RORY

What? You're not a big Kundera fan?

LORELAI

Uh, no. I'm unbearably light on him.

RORY

I see.

LORELAI

Speaking of which, do you think you can get some more graduation tickets? It seems like the whole of stars hollow wants to come.

RORY

Oh, that's sweet, but we only get four, and people have been trying to get extra ones since September.

LORELAI

Oh, no. Anything on the black market?

RORY

No I think we're probably priced out of that.

LORELAI

All right well, you do know the house is gonna get egged.

RORY

I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. I'll help you scrub it when I get home.

LORELAI

Wait a minute. Four? There's me, your dad, your grandparents, Logan.

RORY

Logan's sitting with his friends – there're like 20 guys he hasn't seen since last spring.

LORELAI

Mm gotcha.

RORY

So, are you nervous?

LORELAI

About Logan seeing his friends? Not really.

RORY

No. About seeing dad.

LORELAI

Oh, that. No. Ah we talked last night, mostly about our beautiful daughter.

RORY

Oh.

LORELAI

We're both just so proud of you. I think we're gonna be fine.

RORY

Good. What about Luke?

LORELAI

Oh, well, I was just in there, you know. Trying to figure out how I feel.

RORY

And?

LORELAI

And the point is totally moot, because he barely even looked at me.

RORY

What?

LORELAI

Yeah I must have completely embarrassed him, in addition to completely embarrassing myself. I've given you the "don't drink to excess" speech, right?

RORY

Well if you haven't, you've certainly taught me by example.

LORELAI

So, anyway, that's that.

RORY

Are you okay?

LORELAI

Oh, yeah. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted, anyway, so...

RORY

Okay if you need anything...

LORELAI

Yeah. Thanks, hon.

RORY

All right listen I'm gonna go. Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned.

LORELAI

Oh? Really?

RORY

We're spackling.

LORELAI

Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle.

RORY

Have a good spackle?

LORELAI

Spackle on.

RORY

Break a spackle?

LORELAI

Knock on spackle if things work out.

RORY

Okay I'll talk to you later.

LORELAI

Tell him I said hi.

RORY

Bye, mom.

LORELAI

Bye. [Sighs after she hangs up.]

TAYLOR

all right, everybody! That's enough! The meeting has come to order. Now before we get down to official business, I would like to unofficially thank all of you for your concerns over my health. I'm doing much better, thank you.

BABETTE

We never heard. What did you do?

LORELAI

Yeah what happened?

MISS PATTY

I heard you slipped in the tub.

TAYLOR

That's right, I did. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Bathroom safety is a serious business. One can never be too careful. Now, onto...

GYPSY

I thought the paramedics found you in your living room.

TAYLOR

Well, yes. The tub was, in fact, a pedi-spa. I have bunions, and I was soaking, but it still was exceedingly slippery. Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance-art piece called "Kirk-in-a-box" in the town square.

KIRK

It isn't a performance-art piece. It is a feat of endurance -- an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility.

MISS PATTY

And what exactly is "Kirk-in-a-box"?

KIRK

I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water.

LORELAI

Like David Blaine.

KIRK

Not at all. My box is smaller.

BABETTE

Why?

KIRK

Because Lucite is very costly.

BABETTE

No. Why are you doing it?

KIRK

To see if I can.

TAYLOR

Let me point out that something like this could draw a crowd.

GYPSY

Hey if Kirk wants to sit in a box, let him sit in a box.

MOREY

Yeah, what do we care?

BABETTE

Yeah you don't have to look. It's a good idea! Let's vote!

TAYLOR

Very well. All those in favor.

TAYLOR

All right, all right. But don't complain to me when and if we run into a parking situation...

BABETTE

[Quietly to Lorelai as Taylor continues to talk.] Is there special parking at Yale?

LORELAI

Oh, I meant to tell you. I couldn't get any extra tickets.

BABETTE

What? We don't get to go to Rory's graduation?

LORELAI

I tried.

BABETTE

Isn't there anything you can do?

LORELAI

Well I asked.

TAYLOR

Excuse me, ladies. What is going on over there?

BABETTE

None of us gets to go to Rory's graduation.

LORELAI

I'm sorry. I tried.

TAYLOR

Order! Order! Everyone, quiet down. Clearly, this is an issue of importance to some of you, so let's just add it to tonight's agenda.

LORELAI

No, no, no. Taylor, we don't have to do that.

TAYLOR

Too late. It's already been added. Lorelai, state your case.

LORELAI

I don't have a case.

TAYLOR

Fine. Then just explain how this mishap occurred.

LORELAI

What mishap?

TAYLOR

Clearly, you dropped the ball.

LORELAI

I didn't. They get four per kid. That's how it works. What could I do? I tried.

TAYLOR

Were there no orphans, no children of divorce? Are you telling me that every single student at Yale has at least four people coming to see him or her graduate?

LORELAI

Look, I'm sorry okay, but you'll all get a chance to congratulate her at the graduation party I'm having at my house in a week.

BABETTE

But it's not the same thing. We've all known the kid since she was that high. We want to see that special moment when she gets handed her diploma.

LORELAI

I'm really sorry, guys. I mean maybe I could hand her the diploma again you know, at the party at my house.

BABETTE

You would do that?

LORELAI

Of course.

GYPSY

Well what about the music? You can't have the pomp without the circumstance.

TAYLOR

That's an easy one to solve. The stars hollow high school band will play. It will be a wonderful dress rehearsal for their own ceremony in two weeks.

LORELAI

I don't know if I can fit the whole band inside the house.

TAYLOR

Absolutely not -- your house is not zoned for gatherings larger than 15 people. We'll do it in the town square.

LORELAI

Oh, that sounds...

KIRK

Lulu can play Rory. She's a terrific actress.

RORY

What are you, nuts? No way. Rory's gonna play Rory.

BABETTE

Oh, and at the ceremony at Yale, don't forget to take a lot of pictures, 'cause then we can blow them up for the re-enactment!

LORELAI

[Looking worried] Uh, uh, okay.

TAYLOR

I would suggest taking a notebook along. Attention to detail is very important in re-enactments.

LORELAI

[Whimpers]

WOMAN 1

We'd love to have you back at the D.A.R.

WOMAN 2

So much, you were a breath of fresh air.

WOMAN 1

We want to start a little outreach program.

WOMAN 2

You wouldn't believe your generation's apathy when it comes to such things as the preservation of this nation's history.

RORY

Oh really yeah that's a shame.

WOMAN 2

We were thinking of renting out a roller rink...

LOGAN

I'm sorry, ladies. Mind if I steal my girlfriend away for a minute? Some rather urgent business.

WOMAN 2

Of course not.

WOMAN 1

We'll talk later.

RORY

Excuse me. [Away from the ladies] Oh you really are my shining, armored knight. You know that.

LOGAN

I saw you dying, and I did want to tell you something rather urgent.

RORY

What's up?

LOGAN

You look beautiful.

RORY

Oh!

WOMAN 3

:I just can't believe you're old enough to have a daughter in college.

LORELAI

Yeah...

WOMAN 4

Neither can I. What is your skin-care ritual?

LORELAI

Oh, just soap, you know?

WOMAN 3

What kind?

LORELAI

I just get it at the drugstore. Will you excuse me? [Answering the phone] Chris, hi.

EMILY

Where are you going?

LORELAI

I'll be right back.

EMILY

That wasn't the question.

LORELAI

Where are you? Oh. There you are.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey.

LORELAI

Hey.

CHRISTOPHER

Sorry. I just didn't want to do this in front of everyone.

LORELAI

No, no. I think that's a good thing.

CHRISTOPHER

Hi.

LORELAI

[Sighs] Hi.

CHRISTOPHER

You look good.

LORELAI

You look good.

CHRISTOPHER

So, how is she?

LORELAI

Oh, she's excited. She's good. She's excited.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah? And you?

LORELAI

I'm excited, sad, and nostalgic. Terrified. Logan asked my permission to ask her to marry him.

CHRISTOPHER

What?

LORELAI

Yeah. I know. I mean he hasn't done it yet, you know so maybe he'll back out, but he definitely asked.

CHRISTOPHER

Wow.

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER

She's so young.

LORELAI

I know.

CHRISTOPHER

So what did you say?

LORELAI

I told him he could ask her.

CHRISTOPHER

Right. Yeah.

LORELAI

What do you think?

CHRISTOPHER

I'm just letting it sink in. You know, you hear about people asking the father. Not that you don't deserve to be asked -- you do. It's just more stuff I've missed.

LORELAI

We're gonna figure out this whole divorced-parenting thing eventually.

CHRISTOPHER

She might be 60.

LORELAI

Well, 60-year-olds are notoriously needy. At least we'll be in sync by then.

CHRISTOPHER

[Sighs]

LORELAI

You want to come see her?

CHRISTOPHER

Let's do it.

LORELAI

Okay.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, kiddo!

RORY

Hi, dad.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey it's good to see you.

LOGAN

Good to see you, too, sir.

CHRISTOPHER

So, are you getting excited?

RORY

Yeah, I can't believe it's tomorrow.

RICHARD

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, first let me thank you for coming to celebrate my granddaughter's graduation. [Emily pinches Richards arm] Ouch! I do beg your pardon. Celebrating our granddaughter's graduation.

EMILY

I can't let him take all the credit. Have you seen her? Can you blame me?

RICHARD

So, when my wife and I sat down to write our toast, we ran into something of a problem. All of our words sounded too mundane, too insignificant to mark such an auspicious occasion as Rory's graduation from Yale. So instead... maestro...

EMILY

Please excuse us. We're not singers.

RICHARD

Never let them see you sweat, dear.

RICHARD

[Singing] You're the top you have graduated.

EMILY

[Singing] You're the top your grandparents are elated.

RICHARD

[Singing] Newspaper editor. Phi Beta Kappa wow!

EMILY

[Singing] You're a revelation. A huge sensation.

RICHARD

[Singing] You should take a bow.

EMILY

[Singing] You are done. No more school for you.

RICHARD

[Singing] There is nothing. Now that you can't do.

EMILY

[Singing] You'll make us proud, we'll sing it loud.

RICHARD

[Singing] It's true!

RICHARD AND EMILY

[Singing] 'Cause now, Rory you're a Bulldog through and through.

LOGAN

Yeah!

EMILY

Please stop.

RICHARD

Oh, thank you, thank you.

RORY

Wow. Thank you for that.

EMILY

We meant every word of that song.

RICHARD

We certainly did, even the ones we sang off-key. We are so proud of you.

RORY

Oh thank you so much. You know that none of this would be possible without your help so. You should all know that there's no way I could be a Bulldog through and through if it weren't for these two, so thank you so much, grandma and grandpa.

RICHARD

Congratulations, Rory. [They clink glasses] To you.

LORELAI

Cheers.

ALL

Cheers.

CHRISTOPHER

[Cell phone rings, leaving a message] Oh, it's the babysitter, checking to see if Gigi Can watch an hour of television. I don't think she's ready for "The Pussycat Dolls." I'll be right back.

LOGAN

Actually, would you mind waiting?

CHRISTOPHER

Sure.

LOGAN

trust me you'll want to stick around for this.

CHRISTOPHER

[To Lorelai] Okay. Is he gonna...

LORELAI

[To Chris] Not here. Not now.

LOGAN

If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the past three years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore, every day -- everything that you do, everything that you are.

RORY

[giggles]

LOGAN

This past year, I realized that I don't know a lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm a little bit nervous. I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is that... I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you... and I want to be with you... forever.

LOGAN

Rory Gilmore... will you marry me?

RORY

Um... um, wow. Um, wow. I -- wow.

LOGAN

Is there a "yes" in between those "wows"?

RORY

Um, I'm just... I'm so... surprised. I-I just -- um, would -- um... w-will you come talk to me outside?

LOGAN

Sure.

RORY

Yeah. Okay.

EMILY

[To the pianist] Play something -- now.

RORY

Sorry. I-I didn't want to talk in front of everybody.

LOGAN

No. I completely understand.

RORY

[Seeing a white carriage and 2 white horses] Is that...

LOGAN

For us? Yeah.

RORY

[Shocked by it all]

LOGAN

I'm sorry I know you said you were over big gestures, but that's what wedding proposals are. And night with your parents here and your grandparents, I just thought...

RORY

No, it's not the size of the gesture. It's the gesture itself.

LOGAN

Rory, I got the job out in silicon valley.

RORY

What? You did? When?!

LOGAN

They offered me the position about 45 minutes after the meeting, but I wanted to save the news until after I proposed.

RORY

Wow. You've been thinking about this for a while.

LOGAN

Yeah. Back when everything was up in the air business-wise, I realized as long as I had you, I'd be okay. You would love Palo Alto, Rory. We could go hiking in the Dish on weekends, biking at the Baylands.

RORY

Wow. California sounds really athletic.

LOGAN

Or coffee drinking on university avenue.

RORY

That's much easier to imagine.

LOGAN

I went exploring a little, and there is this house that we could rent. It has a backyard with an avocado tree.

RORY

I do like guacamole.

LOGAN

And it's only 35 miles south of San Francisco -- just a straight shot up the 101.

RORY

Wow you've done a lot of research.

LOGAN

Yeah you could work at the Chronicle, The San Francisco Bay Guardian.

RORY

Wow. Oh, it sounds amazing. Logan, it sounds wonderful. I just -- I don't know. I mean, you've had time to think about this and research. It's so sweet and wonderful. I just -- I'm hearing about it for the first time.

LOGAN

So you're saying in the past three years, you never thought about marrying me?

RORY

No, of course I have.

LOGAN

And?

RORY

And it's always a really wonderful thought, but it was always hypothetical and...

LOGAN

I know. For me, too. But then it hit me -- why wait? Remember when we were in the life and death brigade and we stood on top of that tower, and we held hands and we jumped? Let's do that again, Rory. Let's jump.

EMILY

Well I don't what to do, should I continue to stagger the hors d'oeuvres or just tell the kitchen to send everything out?

LORELAI

I don't know.

EMILY

What didn't she just say "yes"?

LORELAI

I think she's not sure she wants to marry him, mom.

EMILY

That's ridiculous. He's a Huntzberger. An offer like this doesn't come around every day.

LORELAI

It's a marriage proposal, not a sale on linens.

RICHARD

Clearly, Rory was caught off guard. All of us were. [Lorelai cell phone rings] I'm sure she just needs a moment to get her bearings.

LORELAI

Hi, hon.

EMILY

Is that Rory? Did she say yes?

LORELAI

[To Chris] Hey, it's Rory. Do you want to come?

CHRISTOPHER

No. You go.

LORELAI

Okay. [Too Rory] Hi.

RORY

I just couldn't answer him. You know I just kept saying, "I don't know. I'll have to think about it." It was awful. He was obviously disappointed and upset. You know he made all these plans about the house we would live in and the avocado tree in our backyard.

LORELAI

Well, you do like guacamole.

RORY

I just had to explain to him how out of the blue this is. I mean this is seriously out of the blue -- out of the deepest, darkest, naviest blue. And why are you so calm, by the way?

LORELAI

Oh, well, he asked my permission a couple days ago.

RORY

What? You knew?

LORELAI

I was dying to tell you.

RORY

Oh man you are a good secret keeper.

LORELAI

Not really. I told Sookie. I told your dad. Paul Anka and I discussed it at length.

RORY

So what do you think I should do?

LORELAI

Oh, honey, I think it's your decision.

RORY

I know, but tell me what you think I should do.

LORELAI

Well, I think you should take a few days, you know, let the shock wear off.

RORY

You're really not gonna give me your opinion?

LORELAI

Only you know what you want.

RORY

Yeah. [Sighs] I love him. I do. I mean, things have been really amazing lately. But, on the other hand, we are so young. I'm only 22. On the other hand, what does age matter when you're in love? On the other hand, what is the rush?

LORELAI

Well, you're like a circus freak with all the hands.

RORY

Won't you just tell me what to do?

LORELAI

Honey, I'm sorry.

RORY

Oh! Okay. You don't have to say anything. Just blink one eye if you think I should do it.

LORELAI

No.

RORY

'Cause you don't?

LORELAI

'Cause I won't.

RORY

This is like the bird-versus-turtle Halloween costume all over again.

LORELAI

Well I didn't crack then, and I'm not gonna crack now. I just think you need to figure it out. And remember -- that flying turtle bird was the most original costume in the third grade.

RORY

Yeah. [Sighs] But this time I have to choose -- turtle or bird?

LORELAI

Well, you're not in third grade anymore.

RORY

Yeah, I guess not.

LORELAI

Hey, how many hours do we have the carriage for?

RORY

Um, a couple more, I'm guessing.

LORELAI

Want to drive through the center of town and do the queen wave?

RORY

Yes.

LUKE

How's it going?

LORELAI

Hey.

LUKE

What are you doing out here so late?

LORELAI

I needed to take a walk to clear my head, and I wanted to see if Kirk was still in the box.

LUKE

Yeah apparently he is you know, I wouldn't know. I've decided to ignore him. Gawking only encourages his asinine behavior.

LORELAI

What about you? You're usually long gone by now.

LUKE

The softball team's celebrating their first win. I couldn't get them out the door. Clearing your head about what?

LORELAI

[Sighs] Logan proposed to Rory.

LUKE

No way. Wow. Wow. I guess you would need a walk for that. What did she say?

LORELAI

Well, she said she needed time to mull it over.

LUKE

Good answer.

LORELAI

I thought so.

LUKE

Yeah. So, did she ask for your advice?

LORELAI

She did. Yeah.

LUKE

And?

LORELAI

I told her it was her decision. My mother's picking out china patterns.

LUKE

Oh, I bet she's all over that. So, you're leaning toward "no"?

LORELAI

Oh, uh, no. I'm not really leaning. I'm kind of upright.

LUKE

Oh well I just, I could understand if you were leaning away from "yes."

LORELAI

Why?

LUKE

Well I mean she's really young and it's the most important decision of your life -- you know, her life.

LORELAI

Well, they love each other. He's been great. Maybe they got it together young. Some people do.

LUKE

Right and others need time.

LORELAI

Sure. Or they're never ready.

LUKE

I wouldn't say "never." Just they want to be a little more careful. They're a little slower, you know, just to make sure it's right.

LORELAI

Well you can't always be 100% sure it's right. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.

LUKE

You got to know what you're leaping into.

LORELAI

After all this time, how could you not know?

LUKE

How could who not know?

LORELAI

Rory.

LUKE

Right.

LORELAI

Right.

LUKE

Rory.

LORELAI

Well, that was my walk, and, uh, I'm gonna head home.

LUKE

Good enough. Oh, I almost forgot something. Hang on.

LORELAI

Are you allowed to talk in there?

KIRK

Rules are a little gray on that!

LUKE

I got this for Rory.

LORELAI

Oh.

LUKE

Yeah. I just thought it would be better if she got it on the day of her actual graduation.

LORELAI

Oh, that's -- that's -- that's nice.

LUKE

Yeah, so...

LORELAI

Thoughtful. So, good night.

LUKE

Good night.

LORELAI

Good night, Kirk.

KIRK

Good night.

PARIS

AND DOYLES APARTMENT

RICHARD

I'm just saying he's a superb writer.

EMILY

I'm just saying that a superb writer does not a superb speaker make. I could barely stay awake.

RICHARD

I told you to start with coffee. It's a two-ceremony day.

LORELAI

Maybe it's just a cultural thing. Maybe Milan Kundera is the Robin Williams of the Czech republic.

EMILY

With that voice? So soporific it was as if he were trying to perform a mass hypnosis.

LORELAI

We should hurry up if we want to get good seats to watch Rory get her diploma.

EMILY

My point is, with all the potential speakers out there, why choose someone so dull?

LORELAI

You know for a while, Rory said they were considering Henry Winkler. That would have been neat.

EMILY

Who?

RICHARD

You mean Henry Kissinger?

LORELAI

Not unless he played the Fonz.

EMILY

I'm assuming that Logan will join us for the actual commencement at Branford.

LORELAI

Nope.

EMILY

No?

LORELAI

He's sitting with his friends. Plus, I think it would be awkward, you know?

EMILY

I don't know. No one knows. Only Rory.

LORELAI

Well, mom...

EMILY

Well I just can't believe you don't have more information.

LORELAI

She said she's thinking about it so she's thinking.

EMILY

What is she thinking?

LORELAI

I don't know.

EMILY

Why not?

RICHARD

Actually, Kissinger would be duller than Kundera with that foghorn voice and that accent. Of the two, I'd vote for the Fonz.

EMILY

Do you even know who the Fonz is?

LORELAI

Oh, wait, wait. Oh, shoot.

RICHARD

What's wrong?

LORELAI

I promised Patty and Babette that I would get lots of extra programs for the re-enactment.

EMILY

Oh here. You can have mine.

LORELAI

[Groans]

EMILY

What? It was hot. I needed a fan.

RICHARD

Sweetheart, I'm sure I can use some of my many contacts to procure as many programs as you need.

LORELAI

Really? Could you? That would be great.

EMILY

Can I have my program back, then? As my friend Sylvia Rosenblat is saying, I'm "Shavitzing."

LORELAI

Shvitzing, mom. Shvitzing. Never mind.

OLIVIA

So, seriously, 90% of the class was at this party...

LUCY

More!

OLIVIA

And everyone's watching. He starts to -- swear to god -- do the robot.

RORY

Professor Watley?

LUCY

Uh-huh.

PARIS

Wait isn't he like 150?

LUCY

I know, right. At first, we thought he was having a seizure, which you know would have been easier to take.

OLIVIA

That was so funny, an awesome party, by the way. I thought you were gonna come after your grandparents' little cocktail bash.

LUCY

Yeah, Gilmore, you're so lame for blowing it off.

PARIS

Yeah at least I had an excuse. My boyfriend and I went to "Star of Bombay" as a little warm-up for our trip to India. It turns out Doyle's stomach and Vindaloo are not bunk buddies. It's gonna be a long trip.

RORY

Well I would have gone to that party if somebody hadn't insisted that I finish spackling all the holes in our apartment, upon pain of death.

PARIS

Hey, each unspackled hole is deposit money that our hygienically challenged, sleazebag of a landlord will use to supply his freaking porn habit.

RORY

College has mellowed Paris.

LUCY

How was your grandparents' cocktail party? Were there great huzzahs in your honor?

RORY

Oh it was fine. People walked around, had grown-up drinks, and my grandparents sang me a song. I turned a deep shade of red. It was fine.

OLIVIA

Uh-oh it looks like you guys are lining up.

LUCY

We better get over to Saybrook. [Holding the champagne bottle high] To our future!

TOGETHER

Huzzah!

LUCY

I wonder if I'll actually get my diploma in my envelope.

RORY

Why? Do you have some overdue library books?

OLIVIA

And she has no idea where they are.

LUCY

Please forward my mail to Argentina. I'll be hiding out until the heat blows over. I love you guys!

OLIVIA

Bye!

RORY

Bye!

EMILY

Did she try on the ring?

LORELAI

I have no idea.

EMILY

I can't believe you have no idea what she's going to do. I mean aren't you two "bosom buddies" Isn't the sharing of intimate information your thing?

LORELAI

Mom our thing right now is letting Rory make her own decisions.

EMILY

What did you tell her to do?

LORELAI

Mom I didn't tell her to do anything. I'm letting her make her own decision.

EMILY

But you must have at least...

RICHARD

Emily can we focus on the ceremony?

LORELAI

So, are these seats okay? Can you both see the stage?

RICHARD

Perfectly.

EMILY

Well, I'm sure someone will take a photo of Rory receiving her diploma close-up.

LORELAI

Mom, if you don't like these seats, we can go look for others.

EMILY

No. Then we'll lose these.

LORELAI

Well we can have dad wait here while I try to find better seats...

RICHARD

Lorelai, these seats are fine.

LORELAI

Hey!

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

EMILY

You're not late. The ceremony is starting late, of course, after Lorelai drove us like cattle to get here.

LORELAI

[To Chris] You be the deciding vote. Are these seats okay, or do you think we should look for better ones?

CHRISTOPHER

These seem great.

LORELAI

[Giggles] Really? Because that lady has long hair, and if a breeze blows up, it might...

RICHARD

Lorelai, Lorelai, the seats are perfect.

LORELAI

All righty.

CHRISTOPHER

Any answer from Rory?

LORELAI

Not yet.

EMILY

Apparently Lorelai has decided to invoke the "don't ask, don't tell" rule.

LORELAI

Oh mom.

RICHARD

Bill Clinton -- that's a speaker I would have enjoyed. I can't stand his politics, but he has a commanding presence and a nice voice. I wonder if he records books on tape.

PARIS

So have you thought about what you're going to say?

RORY

What?

PARIS

When he hands you the diploma. I can't decide between "thank you" and "thank you so much."

RORY

Oh.

PARIS

It's a significant moment, and I want to do it right. If I say just plain "thank you," it sounds kind of casual, like he's handing me a slice of pizza. But "thank you so much" sounds weird, like I'm acknowledging applause after singing a love ballad.

RORY

I think I'm just gonna do a polite smile and a "thank you." Okay. This is it.

PARIS

Yeah. We've been drafting off each other since high school, and now it's each woman for herself. Who knows when we'll see each other again, right?

RORY

Paris I haven't been able to shake you off all these years. We're gonna be friends for a very long time.

PARIS

You're gonna do such great things with your life, Rory.

RORY

Oh! Wow. Okay.

WOMAN

Okay, G's, you're on the move!

PARIS

Unto the breach.

MAN

Phoebe Elizabeth Gabner.

LORELAI

You ready to be parents of a Yale graduate?

CHRISTOPHER

I already got the bumper sticker picked out.

EMILY

Just so you know, I read in the New York Times that people are getting married younger and younger these days.

LORELAI

Well the good news is, if it was in the New York Times, Rory saw it and filed it away. What's wrong?

EMILY

This chair is faulty. Every time I lean from one side to the other, I almost slide off.

LORELAI

Do you want to switch seats?

RICHARD

Now Lorelai, you don't need to switch. Emily, your chair's fine. Just don't lean.

EMILY

I have to lean. This woman keeps rocking back and forth. It's like sitting behind Ray Charles.

MAN

Paris Eustace Geller.

LORELAI

Oh, Paris!

EMILY

I'm just saying you have pull. Use it. That's what parenting is.

LORELAI

Don't know if her family is here, I'm gonna take a picture for Rory.

EMILY

She looks up to you, and when a child looks up to you and has a difficult decision to make, you tell her what to do.

LORELAI

That's not how I do it.

EMILY

So you're just content...

RICHARD

Emily, please. Rory is next.

MAN

Roberta Gelson.

LORELAI

[To Chris] Honey, tell me what time it is. I told everyone I'd notice the exact time so that when we do the re-enactment they would have the...

RICHARD

Lorelai, I will note the time. I will take the photo. You just sit there and enjoy your daughter's graduation from Yale. This is as much your moment as Rory's. Enjoy it.

MAN

Lorelai Leigh Gilmore.

LORELAI

Yay, Rory! [Lorelai yells out as she stands and claps over come with emotion, Rory looks over to see Lorelai and Chris standing and clapping.]

RICHARD

All right, everyone. Say "Fromage."

LORELAI

Dad.

EMILY

Must you always do that?

LORELAI

Entertain them with that in the Great War?

CHRISTOPHER

[Takes the photo] Got it.

RICHARD

Excellent.

EMILY

All right what other combinations haven't we done?

RORY

Um, duh. Me, mom, and dad.

EMILY

"Duh"? That's our Yale graduate.

LORELAI

She meant "Doy".

RICHARD

All right. Everybody, everybody say...

AS A GROUP

Don't!

RICHARD

...Whatever you like. [Takes the photo] Got it.

EMILY

Good, make sure you save it. You erased the last one.

RICHARD

I don't trust these things.

RORY

[Seeing Logan] I'll be right back.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, Richard, Emily, can I get one with you guys?

LOGAN

Thank you. Good to see you. [Too Rory] Hey. Congratulations.

RORY

Thanks.

LOGAN

Yeah you did great -- no tripping, no dropping the diploma.

RORY

No, nothing like that.

LOGAN

I remember when I graduated. I was a little tipsy -- that's a big surprise, huh? -- And I did trip, and I reached out and grabbed the robe of Marcia Hadley, who was so not the person to grab.

RORY

Logan... I'm sorry... I can't. I love you. You know how much I love you. I love the idea of being married to you... but... there are just a lot of things right now in my life that are undecided. And that used to scare me, but now I-I kind of like the idea that... it's just all kind of... wide open. And if I married you, it just wouldn't be.

LOGAN

So, what? I go to San Francisco, you stay on the east, and we see each other occasionally?

RORY

Well, we can try long distance. We've done it before.

LOGAN

You really think that's gonna work?

RORY

I think it would be hard, but...

LOGAN

I don't want to do that, Rory. I don't want to go backwards. If we can't take the next step...

RORY

What?

LOGAN

I mean...

RORY

Does it have to be all or nothing?

LOGAN

Yeah, it does.

RORY

But we could at least try.

LOGAN

What's the point?

RORY

So...

LOGAN

So... [Rory hand the engagement ring back, Logan reluctantly takes it.] goodbye, Rory.

PARIS

AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT

RORY

Okay. Just one more trip.

LORELAI

No! I can't. This is why we don't exercise. It's too exhausting.

RORY

Well it wouldn't be so exhausting if we exercised.

LORELAI

Oh, darn your college-graduate logic. How you doing, honey?

RORY

Uh, okay.

LORELAI

Yeah?

RORY

Well, I'm not okay. I feel awful. I feel sick. I miss him already.

LORELAI

I know.

RORY

And it just sucks, you know, because I graduated today. This was supposed to be a happy day in my life, and now when I look back on it, I'm just gonna think about this horrible thing that happened.

LORELAI

I'm sorry. I think you made the right decision.

RORY

You do?

LORELAI

I do. Someday you'll meet someone, and you'll just know it's right. You won't want to hesitate. You'll just know.

RORY

I hope so.

LORELAI

I really do believe it.

RORY

So I guess no avocado trees.

LORELAI

Well, no avocado tree.

RORY

You know, I think I'll get my own avocado tree.

LORELAI

See? You could get your own cherry tree, get your own peanut tree, just have peanut butter all day long.

RORY

Peanuts don't grown on trees. They grow under the ground.

LORELAI

Whatever. My point is you can have anything you want.

RORY

Oh, yes. It's wide open.

LORELAI

What do you mean, peanuts don't grow on trees?

RORY

Mom, trust me. I'm a college graduate.