T7E6: “Go, Bulldogs!”

EMILY

Hello? Gilmore residence.

LORELAI

Hey, mom, it's me. I just wanted to leave you a message letting you know that unfortunately I will not be able to come by tonight to take a look at your new curtains.

EMILY

Lorelai, it's me.

LORELAI

So, sorry I missed you, but...

EMILY

You didn't miss me. For heaven's sakes, I'm right here.

LORELAI

Hello?

EMILY

Hello? Lorelai?

LORELAI

Hello?

EMILY

Hello?

LORELAI

Huh. That's weird. I don't know if your machine just cut me off.

EMILY

[Shaking the cordless phone] Is something wrong with this phone?

LORELAI

Anyway, uh, something came up, and I just have to take a rain check on the curtain check. I'm sure they're beautiful. No one knows how to pick out curtains like you. You're the curtain queen.

EMILY

Hello? Lorelai, can you hear me?

LORELAI

Anyway, have a good night, curtain queen. Give my best to dad. Bye.

EMILY

Lorelai? Hello? Hello?

LORELAI

[Too Chris as he puts his arm around her] See? I told you it would work.

CHRISTOPHER

Wow. How did you even think to...

LORELAI

Well, it's natural instincts honed by years of experience.

CHRISTOPHER

Wow.

LORELAI

Yeah. Fight or flight, you know. Fight or flight and I just did my nails, so...

CHRISTOPHER & LORELAI

Flight.

CHRISTOPHER

Wow.

MAN ON TAPE

Ou est la station de métro le plus proche? [French accent] "Where is the nearest subway station?"

LORELAI

Yeah.

MAN ON TAPE

Ou est-ce que je peux acheter un billet? [French accent] "Where can I buy a ticket?"

CHRISTOPHER

The hunter and gatherer has returned.

LORELAI

Hey. Listen to how good I've gotten.

MAN ON TAPE

Pouvez-vous me donner un plan de métro, s'il vous plat? [French accent] "Could I have a map of the subway, please?"

LORELAI

[French accent] Could I have a map of the subway, please?

CHRISTOPHER

Impressive.

LORELAI

[Normal voice] Right? I'm practically fluent. [French accent] Thank you for the coffee and croissant.

CHRISTOPHER

De rien. "You're welcome."

LORELAI

[Chuckles] Duh.

CHRISTOPHER

I thought our stomachs should start adjusting to French cuisine, so I got croissants and café au lait.

LORELAI

I thought café au lait was Spanish.

CHRISTOPHER

No, it's French for "coffee and milk." "Lait" is "milk."

LORELAI

Really, I thought it was "café olé," like, "coffee! All right!"

CHRISTOPHER

You're kidding. You're not kidding. You are. You're kidding. I can't tell whether you're kidding.

LORELAI

I'm a woman of mystery.

CHRISTOPHER

You might want to try repeating those words in French.

LORELAI

No...

CHRISTOPHER

We leave for Paris in two weeks.

LORELAI

Yes but I don't have to actually speak French. I just have to sound French. That way if the Parisians find me just another uncouth American, I can tell them my sad story. [French accent] "I was born in Marseille, "and my parents were killed in a trs tragique accident. "And so I was sent to the states "and adopted by the evil Gilmore's, "who refused to let me speak French, but I never forgot the accent of my mother country."

CHRISTOPHER

That's a complicated back story.

LORELAI

[Normal voice] I've led a complicated life.

CHRISTOPHER

Somebody gets a lot of mail.

LORELAI

Yeah, well, I'm a popular gal. Also, my system is, I only open my mail once a month.

CHRISTOPHER

Your system is to open your mail once a month?

LORELAI

12 times a year, you know, because if you open your mail more than that, you get a lot of mattress fliers and bills and another bill. This way, I open it once a month, and I get letters from people who still write letters and shampoo samples and fun stuff. It's fun.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, what's this?

LORELAI

Um, something from Yale?

CHRISTOPHER

About the parents' weekend. We should go.

LORELAI

Nah.

CHRISTOPHER

Why no?

LORELAI

I'm sure it already happened.

CHRISTOPHER

No, it's happening this weekend. Come on. Could be fun.

LORELAI

I got to wash my hair. [Holds up the free shampoo sample]

CHRISTOPHER

Why don't you want to go?

LORELAI

Because, my hair.

CHRISTOPHER

Looks great when it's dirty. The oil gives it a kind of sheen a gloss.

LORELAI

Parents' weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them, so they need a school-sanctioned event so they all spend time together.

CHRISTOPHER

[Reading the flyer] A professor of geology is giving a tour of the Peabody museum.

LORELAI

My kid likes me. I can go to Yale any time I want. 51 weekends of the year is my parents' weekend.

CHRISTOPHER

"The Gemstones of Yale." How cool does that sound?

LORELAI

On a scale of 1 to 2? Listen, parents' weekend is not an accurate portrait of the school, anyway. They make special food. They gussy the place up. They plant kids under trees reading Tolstoy, so it all looks very collegiate and idyllic.

CHRISTOPHER

There's a brunch at Branford with the provost.

LORELAI

I've always loved the word "provost." Although I have no idea what a provost is, it just sounds so...

CHRISTOPHER

Idyllic and collegiate?

LORELAI

Yes or something from a deli counter. "Extra provost on that, please." Do you really want to go?

CHRISTOPHER

It's parents' weekend, we're Rory's parents, and we're together, and why not? Come on, I'll help you shampoo your hair the night before.

LORELAI

All right. But I have to work on Sunday, so we'll have to go Saturday, and you'll have to give me a nice head massage when you wash my hair. With shampoo samples. And blow it out.

CHRISTOPHER

Done.

LORELAI

And braid it.

CHRISTOPHER

I'll French-braid it.

LORELAI

Ooh la la. Hello?

RORY

Mom?

LORELAI

Bonjour, Rory.

RORY

Well, if it isn't the orphan from Marseille.

LORELAI

C'est moi. What are you doing?

RORY

Heading to class.

LORELAI

Class?

RORY

Yes, class, where they teach you all the college learnin'.

LORELAI

You're a senior. I thought no seniors went to class before noon. Nerd alert! Nerd alert!

RORY

Says the woman saying "nerd alert!"

LORELAI

Hey guess who's coming to parents' weekend.

RORY

Bunch of lame parents whose kids hate 'em.

LORELAI

Yes, and your parents.

RORY

No way.

LORELAI

I got to keep you on your toes. When you think I'll zig, I'll zag. Then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag, just to mess you up for the next time, when I might zig.

RORY

Dad's making you zag?

LORELAI

He's dying to meet the provost.

RORY

Well, who isn't?

CHRISTOPHER

[Taking the phone] It's your mom who's all about the provost. I just wanted to see you and check it out. And I wouldn't mind seeing the gemstones of Yale.

RORY

The huh?

CHRISTOPHER

The gemstones, the Yale gemstones.

RORY

Oh, right.

CHRISTOPHER

So is it cool if we come? It's only for Saturday.

RORY

Yeah it would be great, I mean Saturday's gonna be pretty busy for me 'cause we have to put out a parents' weekend edition of the paper, but I could definitely do lunch.

CHRISTOPHER

She can do lunch.

LORELAI

All right then we'll do lunch. I'll have extra provost with mine. [Takes the phone back] Hey after lunch, can we walk hunky Dan?

RORY

Handsome Dan?

LORELAI

That's his official mascot name. "Hunky Dan" is what I call him when we're alone.

RORY

Mom, I got to go.

LORELAI

You know who'd make a great mascot? Paul Anka.

RORY

Mum.

LORELAI

I'm not sure he's the ivy league type, though. He might need more of a hacky-sacking, poetry-reading, tie-dyeing kind of place...

RORY

Mum.

LORELAI

Like reed or Oberlin, where the air is sweet with the scent of patchouli.

RORY

Mum. I'm not missing the beginning of this lecture.

LORELAI

Nerd alert! Nerd alert! Nerd alert! [Hangs up the phone and smiles at Chris]

KIRK

What kind of sandwich is that, Luke?

LUKE

Ham and cheese.

KIRK

Is it stinky cheese?

LUKE

Cheddar.

KIRK

Because you really don't want to pack April a lunch with stinky cheese. By lunchtime, the whole bag will smell, and people won't believe it's just the cheese. They'll think it's her. They'll think she's stinky.

LUKE

Eat your breakfast, Kirk.

LULU

Muffin?

KIRK

Yes, muffin?

LULU

No, I'm offering.

KIRK

Is it bran?

LULU

It's banana.

KIRK

It could be banana-bran.

LULU

It's just banana.

KIRK

Okay.

LULU

Butter?

KIRK

Not too much.

LULU

1 1/2 pats.

KIRK

Two pats is too much.

LULU

1 1/2.

LUKE

April, your ride's here.

APRIL

I'm coming! [Comes down from the apartment]

LUKE

Got everything?

APRIL

Yeah.

LUKE

Protractor?

APRIL

I got it.

LUKE

Biology homework?

APRIL

Yep.

LUKE

Extra sweater?

APRIL

I still got the green cardigan in my locker.

LUKE

Good, good.

APRIL

Bye, dad.

LUKE

Wait what about your swimsuit?

APRIL

I got it.

LUKE

You sure you don't need a ride to swim practice?

APRIL

Megan's mom is taking me. I told you.

LUKE

She's coming! All right, so, look -- I'll pick you up at 5:00, and I'll be there right after work.

APRIL

Okay

LUKE

All right, already! She's standing right here! Go.

APRIL

All right. Bye.

LUKE

Yeesh!

LULU

I should go, too. Have a good day, baby.

KIRK

You too.

LULU

Bye, Luke.

LUKE

Bye, Lulu.

KIRK

[He watches as Lulu leaves, and then sighs] Could someone crack a window? Because I am suffocating.

LUKE

What?

KIRK

Tell me you didn't see that.

LUKE

See what, Kirk?

KIRK

Lulu! She's smothering me!

LUKE

Smothering you?

KIRK

Everywhere I go, there she is. I'm sitting at the movies. Who's sitting next to me? Lulu. I go out to dinner. Who's sitting across from me? Lulu. I'm hanging out on the couch, watching TV. Who's right there next to me?

LUKE

Your mother.

KIRK

And Lulu. And at least mother respects my personal space. Sometimes when you're watching "Antiques Roadshow," you just don't want somebody tickling your arm.

APRIL

[Chuckles] Bye again.

MICHEL

You're pitiful.

SOOKIE

I'm just telling you how it is.

MICHEL

You don't tell me how it is. I tell you how it is.

SOOKIE

No, you don't.

MICHEL

Yes, I do.

SOOKIE

You think you do. But you don't that's what I'm trying to tell you.

MICHEL

[Chuckles] You're telling me that you tell me how it is?

SOOKIE

That's what I'm telling you.

MICHEL

We'll just see about that. Lorelai?

LORELAI

Busy.

MICHEL

We have a question.

LORELAI

Busy, busy bee.

MICHEL

Sookie's under the mistaken impression that she will be in charge of the front desk while you are in Paris. I informed her that that job falls to me. Could you please clear this up for her?

LORELAI

Did I not mention how busy I am? Busy, like a bee. Bzzz!

MICHEL

Lorelai!

LORELAI

[Sighs] Michel, while I am away, you're in charge of the front desk.

MICHEL

Ha!

LORELAI

However, Sookie is a co-owner of the inn, so she is in charge in charge.

SOOKIE

Ha ha!

MICHEL

That is preposterous. She does not know the first thing about running the front desk.

SOOKIE

All I have to know is how to tell your sorry behind to stand at the front desk and be courteous and to check those nice people in and out. [Imitates whip crack]

LORELAI

Sorry.

MICHEL

Absurd. [Then leaves[

SOOKIE

That's right, back to your station! [Imitates whip crack again]

LORELAI

Really was that really necessary?

SOOKIE

What?

LORELAI

To provoke him like that. You know how sensitive he is.

SOOKIE

Well, I'm sorry. He's been driving me crazy. He keeps referring to himself as my supervisor and insisting that I call him "captain."

LORELAI

Well now I have to deal all day with sulky, pouty Michel.

SOOKIE

He's a big baby. He should come to work wearing a diaper and caring a rattle.

LORELAI

Maybe while I'm gone, you can get him to do that. [Imitates whip crack and then leaves]

HARVEY

Hello?

SOOKIE

Hi.

HARVEY

Are you Sookie St. James?

SOOKIE

That's me.

HARVEY

I'm Harvey Tuttle. I just took over the Tillman farm.

SOOKIE

Oh, yeah. Congratulations. Beautiful property.

HARVEY

Thank you. I still can't quite believe it's all mine. [they laugh] Anyhow, this is my first crop, and I'm just offering free samples to all the local restaurants. Got some eggplant, zucchini, some tomatoes here.

SOOKIE

Oh, thank you, but I already have a vegetable supplier.

HARVEY

Well, you know, technically, tomatoes are a fruit.

SOOKIE

Ah. Fair point. Well, I have a vegetable and fruit supplier.

HARVEY

How about legumes?

SOOKIE

And legumes.

HARVEY

That's okay why don't you go ahead and take this batch anyway?

SOOKIE

Oh, no, no, no.

HARVEY

On the house on the house. And If you like it and feel like passing my name along, I'd greatly appreciate it.

SOOKIE

Okay. I will do that.

HARVEY

Thank you. It was nice meeting you, Sookie.

SOOKIE

Nice to meet you, too. [Smells a some of the vegetables] Ooh.

SUSAN

Come on! Everybody should be in the locker room! Allison, Haley, no running.

LAURA

My towel's all wet.

SUSAN

That's what happens when you throw it in the pool, Laura. It's a terrific lesson in cause and effect. Now, squeeze it out and go get changed. [Taking some equipment from a girl] Thank you. [Turns around to see Luke] Hi, there.

LUKE

Hi. I'm Luke Danes.

SUSAN

April's dad. She talks a lot about you.

LUKE

Yeah, you must be coach Bennett.

SUSAN

Susan.

LUKE

Yeah.

SUSAN

Nice to meet you.

LUKE

Yeah. You too.

SUSAN

April's in the locker room. She should be right out.

LUKE

Okay.

SUSAN

She's doing really great, definitely one of our most enthusiastic swimmers.

LUKE

Yeah, she really seems to love it.

SUSAN

Good natural technique. Does she get that from you?

LUKE

Oh, no, not me. No I don't really know how to swim.

SUSAN

Seriously?

LUKE

Yeah. I mean, I could doggy-paddle to shore in a pinch, but I never really learned formally.

SUSAN

Luke, that's not good.

LUKE

I'm pretty good on land.

SUSAN

You need to be certified. You take April to pools, lakes, the ocean.

LUKE

I never really thought about that.

SUSAN

No worries, I teach an adult swim class Saturday mornings for an hour and half. It's an 8-week course. In fact I just started new round of classes last week, so if you came this Saturday, you'll really not have missed much at all.

LUKE

Oh, I-I don't know.

SUSAN

Luke, this is not something I would wait on.

LUKE

Well, I -- yeah, okay. I guess I could do that.

SUSAN

Great.

APRIL

Oh. Hey, dad.

LUKE

Hey.

APRIL

Oh, this is coach Bennett.

LUKE

Yeah, we were just meeting.

APRIL

Well did she tell you I'm gonna swim the 100-meter butterfly and the 4x100-meter freestyle at our meet next week?

LUKE

No, but that's great!

APRIL

I mean I'm not anchor or anything, but I'm still pretty fast.

SUSAN

And getting faster all the time. And hey your dad's gonna take a swim class with me.

APRIL

[Laughs] Really? You are?

LUKE

Well, yeah.

APRIL

Do you even own a bathing suit?

LUKE

Yeah, I do. It's not a Speedo or anything.

APRIL

[Laughter] That is the funniest thing I have ever, can we call mom and tell her from the car?

LUKE

Yeah.

LORELAI

Grass is just not this green -- not outside of "Pleasantville," it isn't.

CHRISTOPHER

So, what exactly are you saying?

LORELAI

I'm suggesting they brought in sod.

CHRISTOPHER

You suspect sod.

LORELAI

Yes yes, or spray paint. Maybe they spray-painted the grass when they spray-painted these trees 'cause I mean there's autumnal foliage and then there's autumnal foliage. It's over the top, people.

CHRISTOPHER

You're onto them. Hey, you think Yale piped in this crisp fall smell?

LORELAI

Uh, yeah, because Yale is crafty, Yale is smart. Yale is Yale, after all.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

Have fun, you two! Go, bulldogs!

CHRISTOPHER

Hello.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

Hi.

LORELAI

Let me ask you something. Do you really go here, or are you an actress hired by Yale?

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

[Very perky] What? I go here. I go here.

LORELAI

You're good. I almost believe you.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

I'm sorry?

CHRISTOPHER

Hi. We're Rory Gilmore's parents.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

Well, Rory Gilmore's parents, welcome to parents' weekend. Here's a parents' packet.

LORELAI

Fabulous.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

Inside, you should find a map of the campus. You are here.

LORELAI

So we are.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

A schedule of the weekend's events and a nametag.

LORELAI

Thanks. Great. Go, bulldogs.

SMILEY STUDENT VOLUNTEER

I was just gonna say that. Have fun, you two.

LORELAI

Okay.

CHRISTOPHER

Thank you.

LORELAI

Hey, let's be Laverne and Shirley.

CHRISTOPHER

What? No.

LORELAI

Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf and Del?

CHRISTOPHER

I think I'll stick with my own name.

LORELAI

Senior boring pants? Mr stick in the mud? [Reading the schedule] "A cappella," "a cappella." Hmm-hmm. There's a terrifying number of a-cappella jams this weekend.

CHRISTOPHER

What exactly is an a-cappella jam?

LORELAI

[Cell phone rings] I don't know, but it sure sounds painful. [Answering the phone] Hey. We're here.

RORY

Hey [To A.K.] See if you can get that editorial to fit on one page. [Back to Lorelai] So, you're here.

LORELAI

With bells on, and nothing else, except leg warmers, roller skates, and Groucho Marx glasses.

RORY

How classy.

CHRISTOPHER

[To the phone] Hi, Rory!

LORELAI

Well, we're your parents. We're supposed to embarrass you. Are you at the paper?

RORY

Yes, I am, indeed. Where are you guys?

LORELAI

We are near a big brick building and a big tree. Are you near there?

RORY

Possibly, we have a lot of brick buildings and old trees here at Yale.

CHRISTOPHER

Tell her we're by the L-shaped building that from the top looks like a Polaroid camera.

RORY

Believe it or not, I don't know what Yale's buildings look like from the sky.

LORELAI

How ignorant of you, honey. [To Chris] Rory says she doesn't give two figs about Yale architecture.

CHRISTOPHER

[Taking the phone] Not two figs?

RORY

1 1/2 figs is all I'll give.

CHRISTOPHER

How are things at the paper?

RORY

Busy but good. I should be done by lunch.

CHRISTOPHER

Cool, so we got this schedule of events. Any recommendations?

LORELAI

[Shouting to the phone] Brunch with the provost!

CHRISTOPHER

I might like to tour the Peabody or maybe catch one of the faculty lectures, there's one called "plagues and pleasures" with professor summers.

RORY

Summers is good. He's a bigwig in the world of molecular biophysics.

CHRISTOPHER

Sounds hard.

RORY

Will I doubt there'll be an exam.

CHRISTOPHER

How about "the extravagant universe" with professor Quincy?

LORELAI

Aw God [takes the phone from Chris] Hey, what is with all the a cappella? There's a cappella, a cappella, morning, noon, and night. I'm not sure I can take that much a cappella.

RORY

Then you should avoid arches. A-cappella groups tend to hang out under arches, arches and any other places with good acoustics.

LORELAI

Thanks for the tip.

RORY

And if you hear a pitch pipe, run. I got to get back to work.

LORELAI

Okay, we're gonna have brunch with the provost... or on the provost -- it's still unclear.

RORY

Bye, mom.

LORELAI

Bye. [To Chris] Hey. What is with your nametag?

CHRISTOPHER

What do you mean?

LORELAI

It's in the middle of your chest.

CHRISTOPHER

So.

LORELAI

So you're supposed to wear it off to the side. Who wears a nametag in the middle of their chest?

CHRISTOPHER

Superman.

LORELAI

Superman's "S" that was not a nametag. That was an emblem.

CHRISTOPHER

So, this is my emblem.

LORELAI

"Hello, I'm Rory Gilmore's dad, Christopher" is your emblem?

CHRISTOPHER

Yes, it is.

LORELAI

I'm gonna have to ask you to walk 15 feet in front of me.

SUSAN

And breathe in. And blow. And breathe in. And blow. Good, Luke. But try not to take such shallow breaths. [Touching him on the chest] Try to take slower, deeper breaths from your diaphragm. Feel that?

LUKE

Yeah.

RONALD

I'm having a little trouble getting deep breaths over here.

SUSAN

You're doing fine, Ronald. [To Luke] Now you stopped breathing altogether.

LUKE

[Coughs]

SUSAN

Just try and relax.

LUKE

Okay. [Still getting his breath]

SUSAN

It's okay. You'll get the hang of it.

LUKE

[Breathless] yeah.

SUSAN

Okay, everybody. That's it. Good work. [To Luke] You did good today.

LUKE

Yeah? Thanks.

SUSAN

Yeah. You caught right up. I'll have you swimming like a fish in no time.

LUKE

Oh, good. Thank you.

SUSAN

So... you eat?

LUKE

Eat?

SUSAN

Food. I was thinking you could call me, and we could get a bite to eat.

LUKE

Uh, yeah, sure, sure.

SUSAN

Here. Here's the young dolphins' contact sheet. My number's right at the top.

LUKE

Okay. Great. Thanks.

SUSAN

See you soon.

LUKE

Bye.

LORELAI

Look at this propaganda. Belgian waffles, cloth napkins. I've had breakfast here before, and it was paper napkins and American cereal all the way. Yeah -- lox, capers, itty-bitty bagels? Pack of lies.

LOU

Coffee?

LORELAI

Uh, coffee.

CHRISTOPHER

Coffee.

LOU

I'm Lou, Ethan Morton's dad.

LORELAI

Cheers.

CHRISTOPHER

I'm Christopher. This is Lorelai. We're Rory Gilmore's parents.

LOU

Rory Gilmore? Sure she's a senior, right?

LORELAI

Wow. Did you memorize the student face book?

LOU

[Chuckles] The masthead of the Yale daily news. Ethan's an aspiring journalist and a big fan of your daughter's.

LORELAI

I love that Rory has fans.

LOU

Maybe we should set up a lunch so Rory could meet Ethan.

DAISY

Lou, honestly. I apologize on behalf of my husband, who can't seem to remember that Ethan already got into Yale. The pressure's off. He doesn't need his booster club anymore. Daisy.

LORELAI

Hi. Lorelai and Christopher. We're Rory Gilmore's parents.

DAISY

Oh, Rory Gilmore's parents. [To Lou] Oh! Where did you get the darling little bagels?

LORELAI

Oh, they're right over here. I'll show you.

DAISY

Oh... [Follows Lorelai] You know Ethan really is an incredible journalist. He wrote this editorial for his high-school paper arguing that it should be legal to burn the American flag. Insightful as hell. I'd be glad to e-mail you a copy, if you want.

LORELAI

[Sounding like she's not interested] Where is the provost? Aren't you dying to meet the provost?

LOU

Sorry if I was being a bit pushy.

CHRISTOPHER

No. Please. You're a proud dad.

LOU

Yeah and we should be proud, right? Our kids done good.

CHRISTOPHER

[Chuckling] Yeah.

LOU

It's just hard to let go, you know, after all those years of looking over their homework and reading their papers, practicing lines with them for the school play, taking them to karate lessons, violin lessons, S.A.T.-Prep courses.

JAKE

What about 5:00 A.M. Hockey practice?

LOU

Science projects.

JAKE

I helped owen build a wave generator one year. $3,200. That's what it cost me to replace the kitchen tiles when the thing exploded in the middle of the night.

CHRISTOPHER

It exploded?

JAKE

I sell ladies' shoes. What do I know about wave generators? Jake -- Owen Huber's dad.

CHRISTOPHER

I'm Christopher. I'm...

JAKE

Rory Gilmore's dad. I was just talking to your wife.

LORELAI

Um, actually, I'm not his wife.

JAKE

I didn't say you were I was talking about his wife -- Mrs. Gilmore. She's over there by the Mimosas.

LORELAI

Unbelievable. I'm sorry. Will you excuse me? I'm gonna go talk to Mrs. Gilmore.

LOU

Which lectures are you guys gonna hit?

EMILY

And I said to him, "they've tenured Bill Sunderland? Who's next -- Carmen Electra?" [Laughter]

LORELAI

Good one, mom.

EMILY

Lorelai. If you'll excuse us? Lorelai.

LORELAI

Hi.

EMILY

Well. My goodness. What on earth are you doing here?

LORELAI

What am I doing here? Well I think the question is, what are you doing here?

EMILY

It's Yale parents' weekend.

LORELAI

Yes, but you are not a parent.

EMILY

I still can't believe you're here.

LORELAI

Mother, it's parents' weekend. I'm a parent that's why I'm here. I'm a parent.

EMILY

And I'm a grandparent.

LORELAI

Right a grandparent, not a parent.

EMILY

A grandparent is a type of parent.

LORELAI

No, it's not.

EMILY

A grand piano is a type of piano, is it not?

LORELAI

Well you got me there, Riddler, but I hope that logic works when I crash grandparents' weekend.

EMILY

Oh, please, Lorelai. Your father and I have been attending Rory's parents' weekends here at Yale since her freshman year. It's one of our little traditions. Hello, Rachel. I'll see you at the field-hockey game?

LORELAI

It's one of your little traditions to pretend to be Rory's parents?

RICHARD

Lorelai. [As he comes up] What a surprise.

LORELAI

Yes it is a surprise. You know why you guys aren't parents. Why are you here?

RICHARD

I'm an alumnus, Lorelai. Also a visiting faculty member.

EMILY

And you'll remember, until recently, your father and I were the ones taking responsibility for Rory's tuition.

LORELAI

Yes, I remember.

EMILY

We felt someone ought to attend, for Rory's sake. It's obviously not your kind of thing.

LORELAI

What is that supposed to mean?

RICHARD

Well, I'm glad you're here.

LORELAI

Thank you, me too. What's that supposed to mean?

EMILY

You don't like these kinds of things -- things with schedules and nametags. You mock these kinds of things.

LORELAI

Well I'm here I'm not mocking. I'm brunching.

RICHARD

I think you'll find parents' weekend great fun.

LORELAI

Thank you. It is. I am -- finding it great fun.

RICHARD

We always tour the campus, check in here at Branford, maybe take in a faculty lecture or two, and then take Rory out to dinner.

LORELAI

You're taking Rory to dinner?

EMILY

We're going to Chez Zinjustin this year, a fabulous French restaurant. They have a Crme Brlée that is to die for.

LORELAI

Well, that sounds like fun. Too bad you're gonna miss the tour of the gemstones of Yale.

RICHARD

The tour at Peabody? I thought that was much earlier.

LORELAI

Yes, well, it is -- for the general public. We signed up for a special evening one. Chris and I signed up weeks ago.

EMILY

Christopher's here?

LORELAI

Yes ‘cause he's a parent. It's his weekend, too. So, we'll go to the tour and then probably hit a few panels, go to the, em...

EMILY

What is this you have on your nametag -- "Zinf"? What is "Zinf"? Some kind of joke?

LORELAI

Oh, it's an old, traditional Yale word... thingy.

RICHARD

What is that word -- "Zinf"? Is it Hebrew?

EMILY

Why is it on your nametag?

LORELAI

You guys don't know? I thought you were all into Yale.

CHRISTOPHER

Hello, Emily. Richard.

RICHARD

[Shacks hands] Christopher. Nice to see you.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey Lor, professor Quincy's talk is about to start, and I know you probably don't...

LORELAI

don't want to miss a word. Yes, that's true. Well, we've got to go. You enjoy your evening. Astrophysics waits for no man.

PROFESSOR QUINCY

When supernovae explode, they emit an energy that is 4 billion times greater than the sun. So powerful are these explosions that even though they're occurring halfway across the observable universe, some 7 billion light-years away...

LORELAI

My parents have got a lot of nerve, you know? That's one thing they've got, is nerve. They should put it to good use -- start a knife-throwing contest or something.

CHRISTOPHER

Lor...

LORELAI

[Sighs] I mean, lunch? Please. They get dinner, and we get lunch? Lunch is such a booby prize.

PROFESSOR QUINCY

...We would be able to see that the expansion of the universe was slowing down.

LORELAI

I just can't believe Rory didn't tell us that they were coming. You know. Berate her. [Texting on her phone] "Rory... you... little... rat."

PROFESSOR QUINCY

But we've learned that the expansion of the universe is not slowing down -- it's speeding up.

LORELAI

She says that she assumed that we knew they were coming. [Texting again] "When you assume, you make an... "

CHRISTOPHER

shh!

PROFESSOR QUINCY

Something else is happening in the universe that is counteracting the powerful force of gravity, and that's what we call "dark energy."

LORELAI

Hey, you know what? We should have lunch at Chez Zinjustin. I hear they have a Crme Brlée to die for.

CHRISTOPHER

Sure. Sounds good.

LORELAI

Okay.

CHRISTOPHER

You can't make a phone call in here.

LORELAI

I want to make sure we get a reservation.

PROFESSOR QUINCY

... Back in the 1930s. So, it may be that Einstein was right all along. Turns out the guy was pretty smart. [Laughter and applause] All right, are there any questions? Yes?

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah, how can we tell whether dark energy is the same thing as the cosmological constant?

PROFESSOR QUINCY

Excellent question. More thorough measurement from observatories on the ground, from the Hubble space telescope...

SOOKIE

I was making Ratatouille anyway.

MICHEL

Excuse me?

SOOKIE

Perfectly good vegetables, and I was making Ratatouille anyway, and no sense in wasting them.

MICHEL

Did I miss something?

SOOKIE

Not like there's anything to feel guilty about. Jackson sells his vegetables all over town. I'm not just gonna throw these away.

MICHEL

Just because Lorelai is away does not mean that I'm obligated to listen to your incessant prattling.

SOOKIE

I mean, it would be wrong to waste vegetables. Wasting vegetables is wrong.

MICHEL

I will listen to you on one condition. Call me "captain."

SOOKIE

No.

MICHEL

Fine. [Starts to leave]

SOOKIE

Okay... captain.

MICHEL

Yes?

SOOKIE

The point is that Jackson's vegetables are top-of-the-line, first-rate. But they're his vegetables, you know, and these aren't. These have something different to offer, and I shouldn't feel guilty about...

MICHEL

You know what? It's not worth it. [Leaves]

SOOKIE

[Too other kitchen staff] It's just Ratatouille, okay? Nothing to get all riled up about.

LUKE

Caesar, I'm back.

KIRK

Hey, Luke, you want to grab a cold one tonight, bird-dog some Chicas?

LUKE

What?

KIRK

As of 0700 this evening, I'm going to be a free man.

LUKE

You are?

KIRK

I am. Giving Lulu the old heave-ho, hitting the eject button.

LUKE

Kirk?

KIRK

I owe it all to you, buddy.

LUKE

Me?

KIRK

You inspired me. I look at you, and I think, "this guy's doing it right. Slave to no master." You come home at 3:00 in the morning -- no one cares. You want to eat dessert for dinner -- no one cares. You walk around in tube socks and tighty whities -- no one cares. No one cares what you do or where you go. [Luke is not looking happy] So, what do you say, Luke? You want to be my wingman, goose to my maverick? [Singing into a ladle] You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips and there's no tenderness...

LUKE

[Putting his arm around kirks neck] Listen, you pinhead, you should be kissing the ground that Lulu walks on. Why that sweet girl lets you within a hundred miles of her is beyond me, but she does. You are the luckiest man on the planet to have a girl like that looking out for you and caring about you. And if you say so much as one unkind word to her, I will personally break every bone in your body. You got me?

PARIS

What did you end up putting on the front page?

SHEILA

Don't play dumb, Paris.

PARIS

My early-admission/early-actions piece. No kidding.

RORY

It was a good article.

PARIS

[To Sheila] Huh, I'm hardly ever here anymore, I'm putting in minimal effort when I am here, and yet my article is still the front-page lead. It's almost too easy.

RORY

It's not locked yet, Paris. Okay A.K., You're gonna take care of that Lacrosse caption?

A.K.

What was wrong with what I had?

RORY

Well you might want to save the metaphors and alliterations for poetry class and give me something short and snappy. And you might want to mention Lacrosse.

A.K.

You got it.

LORELAI

[Quietly to Chris] I love how bossy she is.

CHRISTOPHER

Well, she is their boss. Yeah, I love that. She's like a dictator, only cute and nonviolent. And instead of a country, she has a newspaper.

A.K.

"Yale Lacrosse team sticks it to Ivy League rivals"?

RORY

Done. Okay, so, A.K. Will take care of that. And good job, everybody. Layout is locked.

PARIS

[To Sheila] It's funny it's almost like I'd have to work harder not to get the front page.

RORY

Oh, hi, parents.

LORELAI

You are the cutest fascist ever.

RORY

Hi, so, how was the morning?

LORELAI

Brunch was lovely, except of course for my parents skulking around, which no one warned me about. Hey I forgot I'm still mad at you.

RORY

Don't be mad at me.

LORELAI

Okay fine but only 'cause you're the cutest despot ever.

RORY

What else?

CHRISTOPHER

We had a few close brushes with a cappella.

LORELAI

Aw, that was a narrow escape. We were taking a shortcut on the way to the lecture hall, and we almost shortcutted our way into a group of guys singing "Zombie Jamboree."

RORY

You guys went to a lecture?

LORELAI

Yes, where I learned that the universe is expanding and that your dad is a big question-asking geek. Hey, we have come to take you to lunch at Chez Zinjustin.

RORY

Wow. Fancy.

CHRISTOPHER

Apparently, the Crme Brlée is to die for.

RORY

Since when do you say "to die for"?

LORELAI

Since he got addicted to "project runway."

CHRISTOPHER

Make it work.

RORY

So you guys should meet everybody. Mom and dad, this is Sheila, Bill, A.K., Raj, and Joni. [They say Hi as a group] This is Christopher and Lorelai. And you know Paris, of course.

PARIS

Lorelai. It's been too long. [Kisses her on both cheeks]

LORELAI

Hi. Oh. Wow. Okay. And you know Christopher.

PARIS

I believe we've met in passing. Good to see you, Chris.

CHRISTOPHER

Good to see you.

RORY

We're just going to Chez Zinjustin for lunch.

BILL

You mean "chez fancy pants."

SHEILA

My dad took me, and my roommates there for dinner freshman year -- back when he still loved me. It's supernice.

RAJ

I hear they match your napkin to what you're wearing.

JONI

I hear they fold your napkin into an origami swan every time you leave the table.

RORY

I don't know about the napkins but I hear the Crme Brlée is to die for.

A.K.

I heard that to.

CHRISTOPHER

You know what? You should all come along.

BILL

Who, us?

CHRISTOPHER

Sure. Hey, let's bring the whole gang.

RORY

Oh, dad, you don't have to...

CHRISTOPHER

I want to it'll give me a chance to get to know all your friends.

RORY

People might have plans.

BILL

None.

PARIS

There's a shocker.

SHEILA

I'm starving.

LORELAI

Well, all right, then. Come on. Lunch on Rory's dad.

JONI

Thank you.

RAJ

All right.

BILL

Sweet. Cool.

LORELAI

[French accent] Ah, thank you. The wine is wonderful.

WAITER

[British accent] I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

LORELAI

[Normal voice] Hey, this is a French restaurant. Shouldn't all the servers be French?

WAITER

Je ne suis pas français, mais je peux parler français, si vous préférez. [I am not French, but I can speak French, if you prefer]

LORELAI

[French accent] Uh, where is the nearest subway station? Ha. [Chuckles]

WAITER

Another bottle, sir?

CHRISTOPHER

Absolutely. Anyway, the chalet in Killington had this open floor plan, sort of the way Rory's apartment's laid out.

RAJ

I've never exactly seen Rory's apartment.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh yeah.

RAJ

We mostly just hang at the paper and -- mostly at the paper.

CHRISTOPHER

Anyway, I really want to rent a place at a ski resort this winter, maybe Killington or sugarloaf.

RAJ

That sounds great.

CHRISTOPHER

You know you should come -- totally. We'll get all of Rory's friends together for a long weekend, ski, hang out. It will be a blast.

RAJ

A ski trip sounds awesome.

SHEILA

Who's going skiing?

CHRISTOPHER

You are -- this winter. Everyone's invited.

SHEILA

Right on!

LORELAI

[To Rory] You don't hang out with any of these people outside the paper, do you?

RORY

Not so much.

CHRISTOPHER

Okay. Who wants dessert?

BILL

I'd love a Crme Brlée. I've never had Crme Brlée.

RAJ

I could do with a cognac.

PARIS

I wouldn't say no to a Digestif.

JONI

Crme Brlée for me. And a cognac.

CHRISTOPHER

You know I think we'd like to get Crme Brlée and cognac all around.

LORELAI

[To Rory] Sorry.

RORY

Why sorry?

LORELAI

Sorry if this lunch is weird.

RORY

No.

LORELAI

Rory...

RORY

Okay, this lunch is weird.

LORELAI

I feel like we're those lame-o parents of yore.

RORY

Dad is trying kind of hard.

LORELAI

Yeah, I think any minute, he's gonna start juggling plates.

RORY

And hanging spoons off his nose. Yeah, but it's sweet.

CHRISTOPHER

But seriously you guys whenever you guys get a 3-day weekend, you should totally come up.

RAJ

Can we rent skis there?

CHRISTOPHER

Sure, or I can lend you a pair. We'll have you jumping moguls down a black diamond, Raj.

RORY

I guess It's good that I experience a little bit of lame-o parenting. I mean after all It's part of the quintessential college experience, isn't it?

LORELAI

I guess.

RORY

And it's great that you got to meet the whole gang before our big ski vacation together. [Cell phones start ringing.] Uh-oh.

LORELAI

"Uh-oh" good or "uh-oh" bad? I guess there isn't really an "uh-oh" good, is there?

RORY

:Um listen up, guys. A bunch of students that were protesting the war took over president Stewart's office. It looks like we're gonna have to rework the whole edition.

RAJ

Why can't the news stop while we're eating?

SHEILA

I know it's so impolite.

JONI

I just got a text with a photo. Looks like they're wearing George Bush masks and... [turns the phone upside down] are those Condoleezza Rice masks?

PARIS

They make Condoleezza masks?

RORY

We've got to get on this everybody. Um so you guys, I'm sorry it looks like we have to...

LORELAI

It's okay go.

CHRISTOPHER

Duty calls.

RORY

Okay, Sheila, get Keith on the phone and see if you can get him down there. Actually get Samantha down there, too. I want so many photos of this thing I can make a flip book. Bill and A.K., Get back to the office so you can proof the stories. We're emailing it in. Everyone else, you're with me.

BILL

What about the Crme Brlée?

RAJ

And our cognac?

BILL

I have yet to taste the sweet nectar of Crme Blée.

RORY

This is going to be our front page.

PARIS

Front page? Really? I think the front page is fine as it is.

RORY

Paris.

PARIS

Come on we all know these rabble-rousers are just looking for attention, why indulge them?

RORY

Let's go.

BILL

I want to go. I want to report this story. I just want to do it after I eat my Crme Brlée. I mean, what if tonight I get hit by lightning and die a Crme-Brlée virgin?

SHEILA

A Crme-Brlée virgin?

RORY

[Getting mad] You know what this is enough. This is a major political protest. It's a big story, and it's going to go on our front page. Now get your drunk, Crme-Brlée-craving asses out of these chairs, and let's get to work, okay? Besides the lead, I'm going to need some color -- what's going on behind the masks that kind a thing. Joni, you want to take a crack at that?

JONI

I'm a little tipsy.

RORY

Is there anyone who's not a little tipsy? Thanks for lunch, dad.

JONI

Thank you.

RAJ

Lunch was great.

SHEILA

Great meeting you.

CHRISTOPHER

See you later.

LORELAI

Well, I hope you're hungry for some Crme Brlée.

APRIL

Are you sure you want to Fianchetto that bishop so early?

LANE

I don't know it depends on what "Fianchetto" means.

APRIL

It means I'm gonna kick your butt if you make that move.

LANE

Well you're kicking my butt anyway, so I don't see how one Fianchetto is gonna make much of a difference. Besides, it sounds fancy you make it like I know what I'm doing.

APRIL

You're not very good.

LUKE

April.

APRIL

Sorry. I can be blunt.

LANE

Tell it like it is, sister. Besides, later tonight, when we boggle, which is what I was told we'd be playing tonight, it is your butt that is going to be kicked, because I've been studying my 7-letter words that sound made-up but aren't. "Palfrey" -- p-a-l-f-r-e-y. It's a saddle horse for a woman.

APRIL

Impressive.

LUKE

Okay, so, coach Bennett and I are gonna go out and have some dinner together and talk, and then I'll be home. Shouldn't be more than a couple hours. Just a dinner and some talking.

APRIL

It would be weird if it was a dinner with no talking.

LUKE

Sure.

APRIL

And you should probably call her "Susan" tonight, instead of "coach Bennett" -- I think she'd prefer that.

LUKE

Good tip.

LANE

We'll hang out until you get back.

LUKE

Okay so you got the number of the restaurant. I'm gonna have my cell phone on me, so if there are any problems, anything...

LANE

Thank you, Luke. Bye.

APRIL

Bye, dad.

LUKE

See you later.

APRIL

You okay?

LANE

I'm fine. Okay, now, it's your move, darlin', unless you'd rather discuss zymurgy -- z-y-m-u-r-g-y -- the branch of applied chemistry dealing with fermentation.

APRIL

All right, all right. We can play boggle.

LANE

Yes!

HOSTESS

Hello. Two? Okay, right this way. There you go. Your waitress will be right with you.

SUSAN

Thank you. [To Luke] Oh, no. Come sit with me.

LUKE

There?

SUSAN

Yeah. It's cozier.

LUKE

Oh. Okay.

SUSAN

I hate being so far away.

LUKE

[Chuckles, then clears his throat. Looks at the menu] Wow!

SUSAN

I know, right? It's my favorite restaurant. And you said you liked to eat healthy, so..

LUKE

Yeah. Huh. I've never eaten this healthy. So, "vegan" doesn't just mean "vegetarian."

SUSAN

No -- no animal products of any kind. No eggs, no milk, no cheese.

LUKE

Just soy everything.

SUSAN

Soy steak is scrumptious. I swear you totally can't tell the difference.

LUKE

Oh, I bet I can.

SUSAN

So, Luke, let me ask you a question.

LUKE

Okay.

SUSAN

Who would play you in the Luke Danes movie?

LUKE

Huh?

SUSAN

Alive or dead.

LUKE

Uh... I never really thought about that.

SUSAN

Take your time. Do you want to know mine?

LUKE

Sure.

SUSAN

[Laughs] Marlene Dietrich.

LUKE

Oh.

SUSAN

Right!

LUKE

I don't know who that is.

SUSAN

Sure you do.

LUKE

No, I don't.

SUSAN

Yes, you do. Think.

LUKE

I don't.

SUSAN

"Touch of Evil," um "The Lady is Willing," "Destry Rides Again." "Your husband would rather be cheated by me than married to you."

LUKE

Oh, yeah, sure.

SUSAN

My last boyfriend -- "the ex" -- he was always calling me [shouting] "Marlene!" Oh, you know what? I think you might know him. Bob McCullough, Laura's father?

LUKE

No, I don't think I do.

SUSAN

We lived together for four months, and then he just went totally psycho. [shouting] Psycho! [Luke looks shocked and a little scared] I swore I wasn't gonna date any more single dads after that, but here I am.

LUKE

[Chuckles nervously]

SUSAN

You hooked me.

LUKE

Hmm.

SUSAN

Well, you know what they say -- third time's a charm.

WAITRESS

Can I get anybody a drink?

LUKE

Yes, please.

LORELAI

I heard a bone crack, several bones cracking. Crack, crack, crack -- it was like fireworks.

CHRISTOPHER

Rugby is a violent sport.

LORELAI

I guess the fact that an ambulance was parked by the side of the field before the game even started should've been my first clue.

CHRISTOPHER

They don't park ambulances next to tetherball matches.

LORELAI

I can't believe we lost. It was so violent. I guess they were just violenter. [Looking at text message] Uh, it's Rory. They're at the paper. They're still working.

CHRISTOPHER

Man!

LORELAI

Half of them are drunk or hung over. Joni passed out.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, jeez.

LORELAI

Looks like she's gonna be there all night.

CHRISTOPHER

Oh, that's not good news.

LORELAI

Well, silver lining -- that means she won't get to have dinner with my parents. We got the only meal. We won parents' weekend, and we didn't even break any bones.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah. Some meal.

LORELAI

What's wrong?

CHRISTOPHER

Nothing. I just -- I... I screwed up.

LORELAI

What do you mean, you screwed up?

CHRISTOPHER

It's my fault that Rory's got to work all night.

LORELAI

What do you mean? You staged the student protest? You wore a Condi mask and manacled yourself to the president's door?

CHRISTOPHER

The big meal, ordering all that wine. Her staff's a mess. It's my fault.

LORELAI

Honey, if those kids are gonna be journalists, they have to learn to write drunk.

CHRISTOPHER

I'm trying to be Superdad or something.

LORELAI

Why?

CHRISTOPHER

I don't know.

LORELAI

Does it have to do with the nametag-in-the-middle- of-the-chest thing?

CHRISTOPHER

At the brunch, all the other dads were talking about how they took their kids to hockey practice and violin lessons and helped them study for the S.A.T.S, and I just stood there like a jerk, nodding my head like I'd done all those things.

LORELAI

Oh, honey.

CHRISTOPHER

I didn't do any of those things.

LORELAI

Well first of all, Rory didn't need someone to check her homework. She was a self-starter. Second of all, she wasn't interested in hockey. And third of all, you don't have to try to be Superdad.

CHRISTOPHER

I feel like I should be.

LORELAI

No. You can just relax, you know? Be yourself. Be the dad that you are -- Clark Kent dad, Christopher Hayden dad.

CHRISTOPHER

I guess.

LORELAI

Totally.

CHRISTOPHER

It's just -- it's too late. I mean, I've g Gigi., And that's great, but Rory -- Rory's grown up. I missed it.

LORELAI

You didn't miss it.

CHRISTOPHER

She's a senior in college, Lor.

LORELAI

We have years of hard parenting ahead. She is due for a quarter-life crisis. All those years of stability do not bode well. We're gonna have plenty to do.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah?

LORELAI

Yeah. And the best part is... we get to deal with it together.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah?

LORELAI

Yeah.

CHRISTOPHER

Quarter-life crisis, huh?

LORELAI

[Giggles] I'm pretty sure she's gonna spin wildly out of control. We're gonna have to do an intervention, put her through rehab, give her a place to stay while she's divorcing the hell's angel...

FRED

Divine. The tomatoes are so fresh and meaty.

CARL

The eggplant is what puts it over the top. Perfect sweetness, your best ever.

SOOKIE

Well, I wouldn't say my best.

FRED

It is, a whole new level of flavor, like a vegetable symphony. What do you think, captain?

MICHEL

It's true. It even surpasses my mother's, and that woman made Ratatouille for a living. Well done, Sookie.

FRED

Brava, Maestra.

SOOKIE

It's just Ratatouille, okay? Now, go get back to work. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

JACKSON

Hey.

SOOKIE

Hey!

JACKSON

You ready to go?

SOOKIE

Ready, Freddy!

JACKSON

Just dropped the kids off at the Bostics'. They made me take my shoes off again.

SOOKIE

They make everybody take off their shoes. I can't remember the last time I saw the Bostics in anything but socks.

JACKSON

But then they had the audacity to complain that my feet smell.

SOOKIE

They really complained?

JACKSON

Well they made sour faces when I wasn't looking and rolled their eyes.

SOOKIE

Oh, Jackson.

JACKSON

What do they expect? Of course my feet smell. I work in the fields all day. That's why I wear big thick boots -- to contain the smell. I swear, the next time they come over to the house, I'm gonna ask them to take off their pants or something. It's outrageous!

SOOKIE

I'm sorry, honey.

JACKSON

Yeah, well...

SOOKIE

I know the Bostic's are a little nutso.

JACKSON

Very nutso. Who irons their couch?

SOOKIE

But Martha and Davy love going over there and playing with Kayla and Ryan, and when they come back, they're so polite and cordial for like an hour, which is nice.

JACKSON

That is a bonus, but still.

SOOKIE

I know. I'll get my purse. [Jackson goes over to the stove and tastes the Ratatouille] No!

JACKSON

What?

SOOKIE

Ooh! Bad batch! [Grabs the food he was about to eat and throws it in the sink] Saving it for the horses.

JACKSON

But you never mess up your Ratatouille.

SOOKIE

Well everyone's allowed a mistake or two here and there. You know what? I'm just gonna -- just junk it.

JACKSON

Are you sure? It smells fantastic.

SOOKIE

I'm sure. Trust me -- it's awful. Hey, you know what I was thinking? What do you think about a nice romantic dinner, huh? How about Cicero's?

JACKSON

Wow. Cicero's.

SOOKIE

Yeah.

JACKSON

They have good Ratatouille.

SOOKIE

Mm-hmm.

JACKSON

Okay, so long as I can keep my shoes on.

SOOKIE

Unless Cicero's has suddenly gone Japanese, I think we're good.

TYRA BANKS

[on the TV] The first name that I'm going to call is... A.J.

APRIL

She was very well-behaved.

LUKE

Glad to hear it. Lane?

LANE

[Sleepy] Oh. Hey, Luke.

LUKE

I'm home.

APRIL

You zonked out about 20 minutes ago.

LANE

Well, I should probably do the rest of my zonking in my own apartment. Thank you for hanging out with me tonight, April.

APRIL

My pleasure.

LANE

See you tomorrow, Luke.

LUKE

See you tomorrow, Lane. [To April] So, you guys had fun?

APRIL

Totally. Lane's awesome. How about you?

LUKE

It was nice, you know? We had vegan food.

APRIL

Ooh. You couldn't have liked that.

LUKE

I did not, but coach Bennett really seemed to enjoy it.

APRIL

So, you're still calling her "coach Bennett"?

LUKE

Oh I think she'll just remain "coach Bennett" to me.

APRIL

That's cool.

LUKE

Mmm. Hey, is that pizza still up for grabs?

APRIL

Go crazy.

LUKE

Oh. I'm starving. Real cheese.

APRIL

We also ordered sticky buns.

LUKE

Bring it on.

LUKE

Mmm-mmm-mmm. Mmm! [Chuckles, Luke looks happy.]

RORY

No quote from president Stewart yet?

BILL

Nothing.

RORY

Have we picked the photo?

RAJ

Sheila's got some options for you.

A.K.

Layout's coming along.

RORY

Good. Okay. Keep it moving. We have a deadline here.

BILL

Ow! Who made this phone so loud? [Answers the phone] Yale daily news. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Will do. [Hangs up] We got ourselves a quote. Steve's e-mailing it in now.

RORY

Great. Okay, would you mind inputting these corrections?

BILL

Anything to get away from that phone.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, gang.

RORY

Hey.

CHRISTOPHER

We come bearing doughnuts and coffee.

LORELAI

Gather 'round. The chocolate Eclairs are to die for.

RORY

Thanks, guys.

LORELAI

We figured you'd need some all-nighter supplies.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey. So, um, I'm sorry about getting your staff drunk.

RORY

Oh, don't worry about it.

CHRISTOPHER

You seemed pretty upset at the restaurant.

RORY

I was just stressed out. It's no big deal.

CHRISTOPHER

So, you're not mad?

RORY

No. But Dad, I think I would've liked it better if on parents' weekend, I could've just had lunch with my parents.

CHRISTOPHER

Yeah, that would've been better. Next year -- grad-school parents' weekend.

RORY

Um.

CHRISTOPHER

Hey, if it's okay with you, do you mind if we hang out and watch you in action?

RORY

Oh I don't think you can hang out, 'cause you're gonna be late.

LORELAI

Late for...

RORY

For your dinner reservations at Chez Zinjustin. I mean I told grandma and grandpa that I couldn't make it, but I think I accidentally told them you guys were free.

LORELAI

You're evil.

CHRISTOPHER

You were mad.

RORY

Isn't that a coincidence that they had a reservation, too? Oh, don't eat that doughnut 'cause I hear they have a Crme Brlée that is...

LORELAI

Don't.

RORY

Come on get your lame-o-parent selves out the door. You don't want to be late. That'll tick them off.

LORELAI

Bye.

CHRISTOPHER

Bye.

RORY

Bye-bye.